last week was full of tugs and pulls, of self-diagnosis and self-loathing.

everyone else's lasts...people finally started to agree with us juniors that yeah, it must suck. It must suck a lot. It gave validity to my insecurities about next year... but then there were the incredibly random ones who offered surprising pieces of advice. Tidbits that ( Read more... )

all i feel is ugly. ugly feelings.

jealousy of all things best friends. i realised that i want every one of my friends to be best friend status and its even sadder that all i have is one by name. And it would probably offend other people if i even breathed the words.

jealousy of all things beautiful. which are often best friends.

resentment and ( Read more... )

i dont know where the hell i came from.

I am not the perfect child, i was told tonight. I am the reason my mother drinks, because i bring home outside stresses.
Since I have been capable of straight As my whole life, I will continue to get them, so says my mother. Come June, if i have one B, the Country Fair is out.
I hurt my mother, apparently. When ( Read more... )

soooo i think i made people who i love think they are problems. untrueeee

tonight i learned how to use a camp stove and i really like the smell of natural gas (ha)... but i realised shit, i dont look very far into the future these days cos i'm um going to washington on friday. yo. postal service. and by the way, where did they go? it used to be ( Read more... )

I want something to fix everything.

My sadness is beautiful, yes, but its still sad...
And what about apathy, frustration, despair... are those all beautiful? I'm not optimistic about it.

I dig myself into these holes, social voids and inner gaps, and I don't know how to fill them, I don't know how to cure myself. The people I want closer arent ( Read more... )

my family is not sweet. my mother has the power to ruin a very very good day. and my little sister plays the youngest child card way too much.
i say fuck them all.
and i did.

now i am too angry to function.

yeah so i should be sleeping but once my gramma said i'll have plenty of time to sleep at the holy resurrection or something like that so i think i'll just take my grammas advice and sleep when i'm dead ( Read more... )

monday deadline is sooo nice.

and...mr amend got a livejournal.

and....colin got a cell phone

and....i've got two weeks of school left. fuccck.

love nicole

chloe amelia wicklund you are beautiful right now as i'm watching you pour your heart out on the cold windowsill...
all i want to do is run to you and hug your tears, but i shall resist...
i love you so oh oh much.

today the record was set for the most nude roller coaster riders.

my mind felt SO cleared last night, i went to be exhausted but felt resolved.
charlie called me and was unhappy about the cocaine. It's hard to explain to people my reasons and my convictions for doing drugs without sounding silly and trite. And I think that I'm really the only one ( Read more... )