Sawajiri Legacy ;; Generation 2.3
Warnings:
Foul Language
Adult Themes
Past Updates:
1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5
2.1 2.2
A/N: Apologies for the huge wait; my real life got a bit hectic. Finally found the time to play so I figured I should get a little bit further with my legacy.
When we last left the Sawajiri Family, Nat and Mallory had just gotten back from the Far East, and Nat seems to have brought along a little unfortunate side effect from the experience...
Perfect timing for this roll, I swear xD
NATSUKI: GATHER ROUND, CHILDREN! Due to my trip to Panda Express-land, I have come to the conclusion that we all rely too much on material possessions. So from this moment on, we are going to be a family that strives to reach enlightenment! BE EXCITED.
HIROSHI: Omg wut bitch
MALLORY: [Oh lord, I am not getting involved in this.]
JIRO: MOM, MOM, MOM.
NATSUKI: No more electronics, no more games, no anything that makes you happy!
HIROSHI: NUUUUUUUU
JIRO: MOM, MOM, MOMMMMMMMMM
NATSUKI: OMG WHAT, JIRO.
JIRO: I think I'm dying. I'm reading this thing that says that my cold could turn me into a zombie and then my legs will fall off and turn into cheese. I THINK I NEED A DOCTOR.
NATSUKI: That's nice, dear. ANYWAY REALLY GUYS... this will be fun. Srsly. We'll be like poor people who have nothing! WON'T THAT BE EXCITING?!
HIROSHI: Oh god my life is over. I should just be bashed in the head with a two by four, raped by a transvestite named Buttercup, and then thrown to the cannibals down the road.
SAKURA: Well hey... if we have nothing, then nothing will get dirty! I APPROVE.
MALLORY: [Sorry kids, the bitch has totally lost it. She'll get bored eventually though, so just go with it for now.]
NATSUKI: COME ON GUYS THIS IS FUN TIMEZ
NATSUKI: ...Still worth it.
SAKURA: Omg the lies! Everything was supposed to be clean! This is not clean! This is a fucking nightmare!
SAKURA: Find a happy place, find a happy place...
NATSUKI: That's right, kids! Re-align your chi, balance your ying and yang, find your happy place!
SAKURA: My happy place doesn't exist with all this dirtttttt
MALLORY: [Come on, just TRY to make the best of it?]
SAKURA: HATTTTEEE. THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
MALLORY: [What's that, dear? Deaf, remember?]
SAKURA: [Go die.]
HIROSHI: [Look, I need a fake ID so I can get out of the country and away from that crazy bitch. MY LIFE WILL END WITHOUT THIS. I SWEAR.]
MALLORY: [Lulz you're a funny one.]
HIROSHI: I'm thinking about running away. Fuck this place, yeah? Rather stab a fork in my eye and then shove the whole thing up my ass than deal with this.
JASON: OH DUDE I KNOW. MY DAD'S ALWAYS LIKE "WHY DONT YOU HAVE A FANTASTIC JAWLINE LIKE ME?" & SHIT ALL THE TIME. SO UNCOOL, BRO.
HIROSHI: Yeah, but dude... DUDE... Uncle Riku totally does have a fantastic jawline though. I mean, come on.
JASON: God why does everyone always have to say that?!
NATSUKI: Ugh everyone's right - you did not inherit my brothers fantastic jawline. Shame.
JASON: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.
Apparently sim kids can't find any happiness in just books and paintings, because Jiro was never in a good enough mood to do his homework. What an utter fail.
More fail.
HIROSHI: THE WHOLE WORLD IS CONSPIRING AGAINST US. THIS IS ALL THE GOVERNMENT'S FAULT.
SAKURA: No, its cool; ya'll freak out and be unproductive while *I* save the day by doing Jiro's homework so he doesn't get taken away! D:
Meanwhile, in crazy land...
NATSUKI: LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! THIS WILL BE BRILLIANT FOR BETTER SEX POSITIONS, YEAH?
Maybe.
NATSUKI: Dude, you can't just blatantly stare at my kid like a pedo when I'm RIGHT HERE... at least go down the street first, or behind a bush like a proper stalker. GAWD.
The stranger followed her advice and seemed most grateful.
NATSUKI: Holy balls, I think my son might be gay.
NATSUKI: ...There's hope for humanity after all!
SAKURA: So I know you might be dating my brother and all, but any chance you'd swing to the other side of the fence? I'm too pretty to have never been kissed and... well, you look relitively cleanly so I think you'll do.
SETH: Actually I'm not dating your brother, but I can't kiss you either. I'm afflicted by aliensexualphrezy you see... i can only get it up if your genatalia is green. Sorry.
SAKURA: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS TOWN
HIROSHI: HI! YOU'RE FROM THE INSANE ASYLUM DOWN THE ROAD, YES? THEY HAVE TV? DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO ACTIVELY TRY TO KILL SOMEONE TO GET IN, OR CAN I JUST SAY I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF? CAUSE RIGHT NOW I'M ON THE VERGE, I SWEAR.
MALLORY: [Look babe, I'm sorry but this has gotta stop. Our kids have been calling the suicide hotline and Hiroshi has already been kicked out of the asylum once.]
NATSUKI: [But can't you feel the enlightenment? Its GLORIOUS. We must do this FOREVER!]
MALLORY: [LOOK BITCH I SAID NO.]
NATSUKI: [You know what then, FINE. But you're on my hit list... and thats not a very safe place to be.]
Jiro was so excited they were going to go back to normal life that he... GREW UP!
...Yeah, just go with it. Anyway, profiling time!
NEXT TIME...
Anyone who has ever crossed Nat hasn't lived to tell the tale... will Mallory be the first to survive, or the next casualty?