I don't know where the fucking blue-eyed brat went. I know for a fucking fact that those large alien eyes did not come from her side of the family - dirt eyed lot of them. I have this fucking ring welded onto my fucking finger. I think that bitch went to one of her sneaky metal-humping smith cronies and gave them sexual favours in return for this ( Read more... )

I woke up and found a ring on the fourth finger of my left hand.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I must've taken ecstasy, right? There's no way that I could've gotten married to her willingly.

Fuck.

FUCK.

*kisses Nellas passionately*

*with his new wife, Beregond loads the bouquet into a cannon stolen from the Circus, Circus casino*

*lights the cannon and watches the bouquet fly into the air and out of sight*

*the bouquet sours into the horizon, splitting in two, and smacking these two in the back of their heads in their respective locations:*


( Read more... )

Ever hated someone? Really, really hated someone? So much that the loathing just courses through your veins and feels like you could explode?
Yes.
That. That thing barges back into my life after sixteen-plus years of silence and makes demands of me, of that creature I found in the river, and says I am childish and a fucker. WELL EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME.
( Read more... )

So, um, Nellas has been attempting to be a good mother by trying to choke Bergil to death with her cooking. Wonderful, absolutely fucking wonderful.

I would um, complain more but I'm currently still in the aftermath of ecstasy with Nellas beside me feeling a little sick right now and maybe later, when I'm able to get up, I'll go find some ( Read more... )

Um. Yeah. dear eru that was the best fucking night in my life for a long fucking time That whore, Nellas is back. She was the one who fucking spawned that thing with the unusual affinity for comic books, sharp sticks, and the halfling Samwise Gamgee - all of his weirdness came from her. And then she abandoned him, leaving ME in custody with him, ( Read more... )

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

asdiasdkajsdaksdasdYOUFUCKINGWHORETHOUGHTILEFTYOUFORGOODeslkjfdaslkdjasda

Look, it's the fucking mother of that thing I found in that basket. Go hassle her about being a fucking negligent parent.

....

I need a drink.

jsdfhskldfhsdlfksdfhsdkfnaskfnf!!!!!!!!

I FOUND HIM IN A FUCKING BASKET, FLOATING ON A FUCKING RIVER.

END OF STORY.

canoncanoncanon

*sees Faramir dying*

*panics*

*panics*

*panics some more*

*Pippin stares at Beregond*

Beregond yells: WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOOOOO???

Pippin replies with: Uhhh, get Gandalf?

Beregond replies with: But I'll get in trouble!!!

Pippin replies with: Who cares?! Do it!!

Beregond replies with: Okay!!!

etc. etc.

( heh heh heh )