FIC: WHEN OUR FRAMES COLLIDE 12a/16
Title: When Our Frames Collide
Chapter: 12a/16 - Pretty Strangers And The Promises They Hold
Author: carolinablu85. or you can call me Ella! (or you can call me Al, if you like the song...)
Characters: Luke/Noah, Casey, Hunter, the Millers (OC), Bob, Lily, Jade, Marcus (OC), Lucy
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: sequel to my fic "Sins of the Father," refers to lots of things that happened in that story, takes place a few months later!
Summary: Luke tries to get news about Noah, Casey and Jade attempt a first date, Krista worries about Noah's progress, a super-secret rescue plan is made.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "Romeo and Juliet" by Dire Straits, though there are some great cover versions by Matt Nathanson, Indigo Girls, and the Killers.
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10a / Chapter 10b / Chapter 11a / Chapter 11b /
“Northside Hospital, ICU Ward 4. This is Shannon, how may I help you?”
Luke gripped his phone tighter, nearly shoving it inside his ear. “Hi, can you transfer me to Noah Mayer’s room?”
“Hold on just one moment.” Luke’s hopes rose quickly, heart jumping into his throat… and then just as quickly died. “I’m sorry sir, the patient in question is still unable to accept calls. There’s a hold on his room for the time being.”
His hand shook, but he refused to drop the phone. It was his one and only connection to Noah right now. “He’s unable to accept calls? Is he still… Are you- can you tell me how he is, then? Please? Has he woken up? Do the doctors think he’s going to be okay?” There was movement beside him, someone coming closer eagerly, but he ignored them.
There was another pause on the other end of the line. “I’m sorry, sir. We can only release that information to family.”
He glared irrationally at the glass of water on the tray in front of him. “How do you know I’m not family? Please, I need to know how Noah is. Something. Anything. Please!”
There was a sigh from the nurse or receptionist or whatever the hell she was. It wasn’t a frustrated, annoyed sigh; it was a pitying, helpless sigh. Which did nothing to ease Luke’s anger. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “There’s nothing I can do. Medical updates go to family only.”
Luke shook his head sharply, willing his voice to stay firm and not slide into desperation. He didn’t need to pull a Sally Field; it wouldn’t help his case right now. “Look, I’ve been calling for the past three days. And the only thing I’m sure of is that he’s alive. I’ve been his partner for three years, I’ve known him longer than that ‘family’ has. If it was up to him, he’d be in Illinois with me. So please, just tell me something.”
There was another sigh, and then the answer came too quickly. “Sir, I’m truly sorry, but there’s nothing we can do. You have to be family- or spouse- to get that information.”
The word ‘spouse’ was like a knife to the heart. Like life hadn’t messed with them enough? “Look, ma’am, I don’t know if you can tell this by my voice, but spouse? Probably isn’t going to happen. Because I’m gay, and Noah’s gay, and there’s not much either of us can do about that. We also can’t talk to each other, and for some reason I can’t know whether or not the love of my life is seriously injured or not. So maybe-”
“Sir,” the voice cut in, firm but still apologetic. “There is nothing I can do. If you want to find out about Mr. Mayer, I suggest you contact his family and ask them.”
“Oh yeah, great, that’s a suggestion I never would’ve thought of!” Luke snapped. “Thank you so much, I’m sure glad I made this call and-”
The phone was snatched out of his hand, and he huffed angrily as Casey put it up to his own ear. “Um, thank you ma’am, for your help. We’ll try again tomorrow!” he said over-cheerfully before hanging up and tossing the phone over to Hunter, who fumbled with it momentarily before managing to set it on the bedside table.
Luke hunched over as much as he could, fists covering his eyes. Trying to regulate his breathing, counting slowly in his head. He realized he was doing the breathing exercises Noah used, and almost started crying. “Damn it, damn it, damn it.”
“Did you find out anything? At all?” Casey asked quietly, surprisingly subdued.
Luke shrugged, not looking up. He hated looking up now, into a room that didn’t have Noah in it. It sucked. “Nothing new. He’s alive. He can’t accept calls, or isn’t allowed to. Any real information only goes to family,” he spit out the word.
“He’s alive,” Hunter pointed out tentatively from his seat. “I mean, it looks like he’s not any worse. So he’s probably getting better, right? That’s something.”
Luke didn’t respond. What was the point? Knowing Noah was alive, but hurt? Knowing exactly where he was, but not able to get there? It was one of the worst feelings in the world.
“It is,” Casey finally answered. “It is something. I mean, Luke- no matter what that, uh, proxy thing says, you are still listed as Noah’s next of kin. If anything were to happen, they have to let you know.”
“Great,” Luke mumbled, finally looking up to stare glumly at the door to his hospital room. “So my options are no news or bad news.”
“Hey.” Casey sat at the foot of the bed, regarding him more seriously than Luke had ever seen him look before. “Luke. Noah’s going to be okay. It was a bad injury, but completely treatable. He’ll get better and come back home, I know it.”
Luke was about to snap at him, but stopped after a closer look at his friend. Casey looked tired. Like he hadn’t slept in awhile. That bouncy energy he always seemed to have was reduced to a nervous twitch. And suddenly, Luke realized. Casey was scared about Noah too. Casey missed him. Luke wished he knew what to say to make this better, but he didn’t.
“And Noah’s just as stubborn as you are,” Hunter supplied helpfully, as Luke was still silent. “After everything that’s happened, I don’t think he’d let something like this separate you for long.”
Both Casey and Luke turned to stare at Hunter, open-mouthed.
Hunter squirmed under their scrutiny. “What? I’m awkward, I’m not dumb.”
And just like that the tension was gone, at least a little. At least enough. Luke sat back heavily in his elevated bed, sighing. “Thanks guys. He’ll be back. He will be.”
“Duh, of course he will,” Casey offered a smile. “He may even get back to the apartment before you do.”
Luke mock-glared. “Don’t even get me started on that. Can’t you work some Hughes magic, get my doctor to let me out of here now?”
Casey shook his head. “Dude, don’t tell anyone, but I’d rather cross my mom than cross Grandad. He says you have to stay, then you have to stay.”
Luke blew out a breath, aggravated. “Four more days. I don’t know if I can be stuck in here for four more days.”
Casey patted Luke gently on the leg. “Look at it this way. By the time you get discharged from here, Noah’s gonna be waiting for you at your apartment. Safe and sound and happy.”
************
The next time he opened his eyes, he knew something was wrong. It was a feeling in the pit of his stomach, and all-consuming fear and tension that felt like it would never go away. He was staring up at the same hospital room ceiling he’d seen for days. And he was alone this time. Hospital rooms and being alone. Two of the things he hated most in this world.
Noah slowly, with more strength than it should have taken, turned his head towards the window, which was thankfully open. The first time he had fully woken up, all the blinds in the room had been shut and it was dark. That, combined with a serious lack of ‘Luke’ in the room, had thrown him into a panic attack. For which he had been sedated.
And that was- Noah checked the date on the clock next to his bed- five days ago. It had been a cycle of waking up, asking futile questions, and getting drugged back into sleep. A cycle of nightmares. Being asleep assaulted his mind with warped memories and dreams. But being awake… being awake he was even more helpless and scared, and he had no way of talking to Luke.
He blinked heavily again, waiting for everything in the room to come into focus, then fumbled for the switch on the side of the bed. Once he was raised up enough, he pulled his tray over and sluggishly lifted his water glass to his lips. This all sucked. His coordination was way off, and he had a hard time focusing on anything in his brain. Thoughts flew in and flew out before he could connect them all. The only constant thing was Luke. Luke wasn’t here.
No one was here. He was alone in a hospital room, weak and vulnerable. Unable to defend himself. Anyone could come in here and-
The door opened slowly. Noah felt one of his hands ball up into a clumsy fist. If this person tried to hurt him, he could do something this time.
“Noah?” a soft voice called out, as a figure- two figures- appeared in the doorway. It was Eric and Autumn, regarding him with cautiously hopeful expressions. “How are you feeling today?”
Noah somehow relaxed and tensed up at the same time. “I’m fine,” he mumbled, voice hoarse and scratchy. “When can I get a phone in here? I need to call Luke.”
They exchanged a glance, one he couldn’t decipher. One that made him a little angry, for some reason. “Honey,” Autumn tried to sound soothing. “We don’t think you’re quite ready to make phone calls just yet.”
“I don’t care,” he replied. “I need to talk to Luke. He was in the car with me. He’s hurt, and he’s probably worried about me. I need to make sure he’s okay and he’s taking care of himself.”
“Noah, you need to worry about taking care of you first,” Eric tried to explain.
Noah shook his head as much as he could without causing new explosions of pain. “No, you don’t understand. He’s hurt, and I’m not there to take care of him. I-”
“Noah,” Eric’s voice stayed calm, quiet. “You can’t do anything for Luke until you’re better yourself. That’s why we brought you here, so we could make sure you got the best help possible.”
Autumn stepped forward a little closer, her hand touching the railing at the foot of his bed. “The doctors say you have to avoid as much stress as possible for the time being. I know it’s hard, and I’m sorry, but we can’t let you get involved in all that business in Oakdale right now.”
“It’s not your decision!” he snapped, causing Autumn to take a step backwards. Normally he’d feel guilty about that, but not now. His heart was racing now, pumping faster and faster. “How am I supposed to relax when I can’t talk to him? I need him. He needs me!”
The door opened again, this time a nurse entering. With one slightly uncomfortable, strained smile at them, she headed to the monitors by Noah’s bed, fiddling with something. At some point, one of them must have started beeping. Noah ignored it, and her, in favor of glaring at the Millers.
“We’re not keeping you from him on purpose Noah,” Autumn protested. “But you need your rest without being bogged down with any unnecessary-”
Noah almost growled his next words. “If you say anything about Luke is ‘unnecessary,’ I swear to God, I’ll-”
“Noah, you need to relax, right now.” It was the nurse speaking now. Noah remembered her name was Jolene, and he was probably supposed to be nice to her. She had been the one to open the window for him last time he was awake. “Your heart rate is getting too high.”
He shook his head stubbornly, trying to keep his breathing deep and even. “But…” he counted to ten in his head, picturing Dr. Weston for just a moment. It helped him calm a little, focus back on the problem in front of him. “I don’t want to be drugged anymore. I just want a phone, so I can make sure my boyfriend is still alive.”
“Noah, this is for your own good right now, you have to understand that,” Eric tried once again to reason.
The Colonel used to say things like that, Noah thought with a shudder. Breathe, Noah. Count and breathe. Then he looked at them steadily again. “I don’t want this,” he said quietly. “I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.”
Autumn flinched, but tried to smile anyway. “And you will, sweetie. Soon. I promise. But you have to let us take care of you first, okay? Your body can’t handle that much stress yet.”
Eric nodded, putting his arm around Autumn. It felt to Noah like a united front against him. He glared as Eric spoke. “The fact that getting upset like this- right now- causes your heart rate to go up… It kind of proves our point.”
“What does that mean?” Noah grumbled, glancing to the side as the nurse adjusted something on one of the monitors again.
“The medical proxy,” Eric explained. “Because of your head injury and past, uh, mental trauma. No one’s sure you should really be making these decisions yet. So the courts are letting us do it. It’s just temporary, Noah.”
“Letting you do what?” Noah cocked his head to the side a little, ignoring the way his entire body protested the movement. “What the hell is a proxy? What…” and then he trailed off. Oh God. ‘Past mental trauma.’ Oh God, they knew.
“Noah…” the nurse started to speak again, a note of either concern or warning in her voice, as his blood pressure rose again.
He gripped the railings of the bed tightly. “No, no, no. You… how did you find out? You know all about me? You can’t…!” he sucked in a deep breath, wishing his chest didn’t feel so heavy.
“It’s okay!” Autumn tried to go for soothing again, but it just agitated him even more. “Those things that happened to you, they weren’t your fault, Noah! All those bad things, they happened in Oakdale. And you’re not there anymore, so they don’t have to hurt you anymore.”
“That’s not how it works,” Noah gritted out through his clenched teeth. He briefly tried counting in his head, but it wasn’t working. He couldn’t get himself to focus on the numbers. His hands were trembling, shaking. He needed Luke to hold them, keep them still. Luke wasn’t here.
“We’re going to help you, I promise!” she kept talking. “Please, honey, please let us.”
“No, no,” he managed to shove the blanket off of him and sit up further. The whole world tilted around him, but he pushed it away. He had to get out. He had to leave. He had to find-
He tried to swing his legs- why did he have a brace around one knee?- over to the side of the bed and get up, but gravity decided to get in the way. His vision went blurry and gray, and he probably would have ended up face-planting onto the floor if Eric and the nurse hadn’t caught him first, easing him back onto the bed.
“No, I have to go. Please, let me leave,” he wheezed heavily, feeling liking his lungs were squeezing his heart tightly.
“You have to calm down, you have to calm down,” Eric repeated over and over, quietly, trying to pacify him.
It made him sound like Holden, which just shook Noah even more. He half-sobbed, trying to pull away, trying to do anything. “No!” But his voice was quieter now, slurred. A warmth flooded through first his arm, then the rest of his body. Not a comforting warmth, but an unnatural, forceful one. That he had no chance of fighting. “No.” He had been drugged again. The nurse, she must have put another sedative in his IV. It’s happening again…
“Noah it’ll be okay, I promise,” Autumn whispered, holding his hand.
With the last bit of strength he had, he pulled his hand away from her. “Don’t touch me,” he murmured, frowning even as his eyes slid shut. There was a part of his brain, the tiny corner of it not giving in to the drugs, that was screaming. At being trapped, at being controlled, at being held against his will. God, he wasn’t supposed to ever feel this way again.
He tried as much as he could to turn away from them, all of them. He pointed his face towards the window. Towards Luke and Oakdale. Towards home. His last thought before that darkness took over again, no more than a whisper in his head, This isn’t home.
************
“Well,” Bob entered Luke’s room looking over a clipboard, flipping through the papers on it. “Looks like tomorrow’s the day, Luke.”
“I can go home?” he asked, needing it said out loud. Lily took his hand, squeezing gently, smiling.
Bob finally looked up, offered a smile of his own. “As long as you take it easy at home, get lots of rest and take care of yourself, I don’t see any reason why not. Tomorrow morning, we’ll finally cut you loose.”
“Finally,” Luke echoed, under his breath. Not that he was really truly looking forward to it. His apartment was still empty. Noah was still… He shook his head as Bob continued to speak.
“Luke, I truly am sorry. I feel I have to say it again. If I had known what the Millers were going to do, I never would have let them see Noah’s records. I never wanted things to come to this, for either of you.”
“No, no,” Luke was quick to try and reassure him. “Really, out of everyone, you’re the least at fault here. I mean it.”
Lily cleared her throat awkwardly. “No one’s really at fault, honey, it just-”
Luke cut her off with a look. They’d had the same discussion (argument) for the past week. Luke wasn’t ready to talk to or about his dad yet. One crisis at a time. “Not now, Mom.”
Bob stepped even closer, sensing there needed to be a change of subject. “Be that as it may, I wanted to make it up to you, son. So I called in some favors, talked to a few old friends, and managed to get connected with the head attending of ICU at Noah’s hospital.”
“What?” Luke’s head snapped back in his direction, face lighting up. “N-Noah? What does that mean? What did you…?”
Bob smiled softly. “I wasn’t able to talk to him directly, but I did get a chance to speak with his doctor. As a former physician of the patient, it was within my right to ask for an update.”
Luke sat forward eagerly, gripping his mother’s hand tight enough to make them both go numb. “How is he? Is he okay? Is he awake?”
The look on Bob’s face wasn’t quite as reassuring, and it caused his excitement to stutter and stall. “Physically, yes. He’s doing well. He’s healing. His knee is mending and the swelling in his brain continues to recede. All tests have come back with positive results. He’s getting more and more aware each day, his motor functions continue to improve…”
“Then what’s the problem?” Lily frowned, sensing the same things that Luke did.
Bob regarded them sadly. “They’re worried about his… mental state, if you will. He argues with the family every time he’s awake, or ignores them completely. He’s respectful to the staff and listens to the nurses for the most part- they seem to have a high opinion of him- but his family doesn’t seem to know how to deal with him.”
Luke felt himself glaring. At people who weren’t even there. “That’s because they don’t know how,” he muttered. He turned to his mom. “At least Noah hasn’t been, like, brainwashed by them. That’s good news.”
“Luke,” Bob shook his head. “This isn’t all good news. The doctors seem to be worried about his progress, about him being able to take care of himself.”
“Well, is there anything we can do?” Lily asked.
Bob sighed heavily. “Not as long as the Millers have this proxy and custody hold over Noah. A judge has to relinquish control back to him or to someone else. And the doctors would play a major part in that decision. They have to believe Noah can take care of himself to do that.”
“But you said they could give the custody to someone else?” Luke pointed out, half-asking.
“They could,” Bob conceded. “But it probably won’t happen. The Millers are his biological family, and he wasn’t legally separated from them. Everyone else in Noah’s life is linked to him through you, Luke.” He hesitated before continuing. “And a gay partner isn’t going to hold much clout in court.”
Luke flinched again. “So he needs to get better in order to get away, but he needs to get away in order to get better,” he mumbled, more to himself than anyone else in the room. After a few deep breaths, he looked back up. “How long will this custody/proxy thing take?”
Bob looked back at him mournfully. “I don’t know. I don’t know if anyone does.”
************
“So…” Casey tapped his foot as quietly as he could underneath the table, where no one could see it.
“So,” Jade said right back, pulling on a lock of her hair, biting her lip. She glanced around. “So. This is a date.”
“I think so,” Casey answered, also looking around. It had taken a ridiculous amount of time to figure out just where to bring her. Al’s was too casual. The Lakeview was too formal. And out of all the things Jade was, a ‘picnic fan’ didn’t seem to be one of them. So he brought her to the new Italian restaurant in nearby Elkton. It was a jeans-and-t-shirt type of place, but new and fun. And definitely clean. So that was a plus. Right?
Jade nodded, opening and closing her menu. “Any news about Noah?”
He shook his head. “Nothing new. I, uh, even tried calling the hospital pretending to be his long-lost uncle but they didn’t go for it.”
She smirked a little. “Which voice did you use?”
He scrunched up one side of his face. “I was going for Refined Older Guy, but ending up sounding like a British Family Guy character,” he admitted.
Jade laughed. “Well, at least you tried.”
“How’s Luke?” Casey asked. “Stupid classes and everything, I haven’t been able to stop by the apartment to see him.”
“You wouldn’t see him if you did,” Jade answered. “He’s staying with us at the house.”
Casey nodded. “Probably a good idea, make sure he actually takes care of himself and doesn’t do something… dumb.”
“You’d know all about doing something dumb, right?” Jade smirked again.
“I’m here, aren’t I?” he shot back. Then he softened, “He doesn’t want to be in the apartment without Noah, does he?”
“Nope,” she confirmed. “Can’t blame him, really. It would be weird sleeping alone in the bed you’d been sharing with-”
“Whoa, okay, no mental images, thanks!” Casey held up a hand.
Jade smiled again, but it was a little forced now. And then Casey found out why, when she spoke. “How’s, uh… have you talked to Alison?”
Aaaand now they were back to the awkward. “Um, not really, no. Saw her once or twice at the hospital, but we’re both doing a pretty decent job of avoiding.” He shrugged. “Hunter told me she’s okay though. Not, like, wallowing or whatever.” Then he rolled his eyes, speaking quickly. “Not that she should be or anything. I’m not saying I’m like some perfect-”
“Casey,” Jade cut him off, rolling her eyes. “Chill. This isn’t a Miss America pageant. I don’t need a perfect answer for every question.”
“Okay.” He deflated a little, tapping his finger against the beer bottle in front of him. Then he frowned. “Why would you pick Miss America as the example?”
She quietly half-laughed again, and then they both went back to glancing around, waiting for the waitress. His foot was tapping again. She was playing with her hair again. Another two minutes of unbearably, eternity-stretching silence, and Jade smacked her hand lightly on the table. “What the hell?”
Casey twitched. “What?”
“This!” she waved her hand between them. “Us! What the hell is the matter with us?”
“I don’t know!” He leaned his elbows on the table, head in his hands. “I have never been this awkward around a girl. Especially not a girl I’ve already, you know, slept with. Why is this so weird? We’ve seen each other naked, but we can’t see each other eat pizza?”
Jade leaned back in her chair with a sigh. “We’ve slept together, but we’ve never dated. Not for real.”
“But we know each other,” Casey protested. “It shouldn’t be this… weird. Right?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t really done a lot of, well, dating before. Have you?”
He shook his head. “Guess not. But I didn’t think it would be like this.”
“Me neither,” she muttered, opening and closing her menu again. Then she looked up at him. “Maybe we’re trying too hard. Maybe we just need to, I don’t know, find out the things we really have in common, that we like to do, and do those.”
“Okay,” Casey nodded, running the idea through his brain. “Okay, that makes sense.” He sat back in his chair. “So. What do we both like to do?”
Ten minutes later, they were in the backseat of Casey’s car. Their jackets were scattered somewhere on the floorboards, Jade was pulling her top off, and Casey was fumbling with the buckle of his belt.
Yep. This was something they both liked to do.
************
Krista watched her younger brother (wow, still getting used to that) as he slept. It was really the only time she could still see him- the Noah she had gotten to know in Oakdale- without him turning into the angry, closed-off person he had become. They had forced him to become. Without her feeling raging amounts of guilt about this whole mess.
She squeezed his hand a little tighter when he frowned in his sleep, turning his head towards the window. He didn’t like hospital rooms, she remembered that. So she always made sure the window stayed open and the blinds were never shut. So sunlight always got in. She wasn’t sure how much it was helping, but then again… she wasn’t sure anything any of them did was helping.
When she had first met Noah, she was immediately charmed by how shy he was, how tentative. Their family could be so boisterous and crazy at times, and here was this quiet, sweet kid that could be a part of them. But now Noah wasn’t just quiet, he was withdrawn. He didn’t trust them, he didn’t want to be around them. It was just all… wrong.
He was stubborn too, she had to admit, smiling a little. That was definitely another family trait they all shared. He would close his eyes, turn his back as much as he could when they entered his room. The social worker too. The hospital had assigned a social worker-slash-therapist to Noah’s case to try and figure things out, and so far Noah had managed to ignore the woman spectacularly. Krista was impressed in spite of herself.
The only people he was still polite to were the nurses, and even then it was only the ones who came to do physical therapy with his knee, or bring his food or change his sheets. The ones Noah instinctively knew weren’t responsible for his predicament.
She sighed and squeezed his hand again. Who was responsible? She had asked herself every day for the last… ten days? Had it been ten days since they had brought Noah to Georgia? Every day seemed to bleed into the next, and she couldn’t imagine how that felt for Noah, being stuck here in a place he hated. Accepting no comfort. The only time he even let Krista hold his hand was when he was mostly asleep or drugged.
He didn’t trust any of them or their motives, and even the nice gestures were met with stony silence or a short, biting rejection. He didn’t believe them. They had backed Noah into a corner, and he wasn’t going to get himself out for them.
“Hey.” The door opened, and Justin stepped in quietly, face still impassive. Stony. Like Noah’s. He held up the box in his hands. “Brought the DVD player.”
“Good,” she answered softly, keeping her hand on Noah’s. She watched as Justin set the device up, placing it on the tray next to Noah’s bed along with the DVDs Krista had suggested. “They’re some of his favorite movies,” she needlessly explained. “Maybe it’ll get him to-”
“You really think a Marx Brothers movie is going to magically cure him?” Justin raised an eyebrow skeptically.
She chose not to answer, suddenly very very tired. “Can you sit with him for a bit? I wanted to run out and pick up some sandwiches, maybe he’ll eat more if it’s non-hospital food.”
Justin shrugged, taking the seat opposite her. “Make sure it doesn’t have tomatoes.” At her questioning look, he shrugged, embarrassed. “Luke told me. He doesn’t like tomatoes.”
She couldn’t help but smile again. She loved her brother. Brothers. She really did. “Okay.” But she couldn’t get herself to stand up, let go. “Have you talked to Mom and Dad today?”
He shook his head. “Not yet. Not really a point to it, is there? It’s the same words, every time. I’m tired of hearing their justifications for all this.” He cocked his head to the side. “You know the lawyer they used for all this?”
“Not personally,” she answered, confused.
Justin frowned. “I don’t mean personally. I mean, anything about the lawyer at all. Where did Mom and Dad find him? When did we get this hardcore legal expert to get custody of Noah? It’s all weird.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know, that whole thing went down without me.” She softened her voice, glancing at the door. “I heard them talking yesterday, saying this wasn’t going the way ‘he’ said it would go, that Noah wasn’t… I don’t know, maybe they found the lawyer in Oakdale, and he promised this would all go smoothly. None of it makes sense to me.”
Justin snorted. “None of it ever made sense to me.”
Her voice lowered even more. “I think we made a mistake. Bringing Noah here, I think it was a mistake.”
“Me too,” he nodded. “We should’ve just let him stay in his life. Not done any of this.”
Krista’s face flushed, and she had to fight the urge to snap at him. “God, Jus. You never wanted Noah to be a part of our lives at all, did you? You never wanted to trust him.”
He shook his head, fighting to stay calm too. “No, I never wanted Noah to become Andrew, that’s all. Because Andrew died when he was taken from us. Okay? The Andrew that we knew is gone and never coming back. This, this kid right here?” he gestured to Noah. “He isn’t ours. He’s someone else friend and son and brother. And boyfriend.”
The image of little Ethan climbing into Noah’s lap, throwing his arms around him, flashed in her mind. So did the look on Noah’s face when he talked about Luke. And so did the way Lily would smile when she saw him, how that blond kid Casey would jump in with a bear hug whenever they hung out. “Jus-” she reached out with her free hand, but he pushed away, standing up to pace a little, biting at his lower lip.
“He belongs to them, Kris. Not us. Mom and Dad are trying to fit Noah into their idea of who Andrew would have been, or should have been. It’s just going to hurt them when he can’t be that. It’s going to be the last twenty years all over again, them getting all our hopes up just to be disappointed. Again,” Justin pressed a shaking hand to his eyes, trying to calm down.
Krista regarded him, tears in her eyes. “I don’t want Andrew. I don’t know him. I barely remember him, besides that time he tried to flush my Malibu Barbie down the toilet. That’s it. However,” she stood up, grabbed Justin’s arm, dragged him to the foot of the bed so he was looking at Noah. “I have gotten to know this kid. Noah. And I like him. Love him, even. I want to be his sister, but if things keep going the way they are, I don’t know if he’ll let me.”
“Kris,” Justin’s voice went soft, comforting. Like he always was with her when she cried. She always hated crying, she remembered spending so much of her childhood trying not to cry, and Justin was the only person (besides her boyfriend) who never made her feel ashamed when she did. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “I have to find a way to help him,” she whispered fiercely.
Justin opened his mouth to say something, but right at that moment a sound from beside them had both siblings turning back to Noah. Noah was wincing in his sleep, breathing harshly, shaking.
Krista’s body went cold. A nightmare. These were the nightmares Luke had warned her about. “Noah,” she said quietly, urgently. “Noah, hey, it’s okay.”
Justin moved towards the door. “I’ll go get a nurse-”
“No!” she held a hand up to stop him. “It won’t help. If he just gets drugged… it won’t help.”
Justin frowned. “Krista.”
“No,” she said again. “Luke told me. It won’t help. I have to calm him down.”
“What, are you the Horse Whisperer now?” he snapped before he could stop himself. But he also didn’t open the door. In fact, he turned his back to it, leaning against it.
She ignored the sarcasm, a practiced gesture on her part, and turned back to her little brother. “Noah, it’s okay. It’s just a dream, it’s not real. You’re safe, honey.” She picked up his hand, which was clenched into a tight fist. Slowly she unfolded it. “It’s not real. Come on, Noah.”
He shook his head almost desperately, gasping for air. “No. Don’t, don’t…” He sounded so scared.
She pushed aside more tears. “You need to breathe, Noah. Nice and slow. Deep. Come on, you can do it.” Remembering what Luke had told her, she laid his shaking hand over her chest, over her heart. “Come on, deep breaths. Please, Noah.” She laid her free hand over his heart, feeling the frantic beating there. She fought to stay calm, then started counting. Slowly, softly.
“Krista,” Justin sounded hesitant again.
“No,” she told him, before focusing back on Noah. “It’s okay, sweetie. I’m right here. You’re not alone, okay? Deep breaths, deep breaths. Please,” her voice cracked a little on the last bit, but she kept both hands where they were, gentle but steady. “Please, Noah.”
A couple more seconds, in which she was mildly shocked Justin didn’t go get a nurse, and finally Noah’s breathing slowed down. He shuddered, turning a little, and Krista finally let go of his hands so he could curl into himself, still trembling. She touched his hair lightly, smoothing it back from his face. “Noah?”
His eyes still shut, he turned his face towards her. “L-Luke?” he whispered, voice raspy and shaking. But hopeful. Like everything around him really was a bad dream. He half-opened his eyes, searching for something. Someone.
Yeah, like God didn’t hate her enough. Damn it. “No, honey, it’s me, it’s Krista. Are you okay, do you want some-”
Too late. As soon as he realized she wasn’t Luke, he curled into himself even more. Turned towards the window again. His chest was still stuttering with each inhale and exhale, but it was calmer than before. At least Krista could be grateful for that, right?
“Noah,” she said again, softly, almost pleading. But he gave no indication that he heard her. His eyes were shut tight again, trying to block the world out. The only reason she knew he was still awake was the trail of tears running down his face. Matching the tears of her own.
She had been telling the truth, what she said to Justin before. She was going to find a way to help Noah, no matter what. She had to make this right.
************
( Continued in 12b)
Chapter: 12a/16 - Pretty Strangers And The Promises They Hold
Author: carolinablu85. or you can call me Ella! (or you can call me Al, if you like the song...)
Characters: Luke/Noah, Casey, Hunter, the Millers (OC), Bob, Lily, Jade, Marcus (OC), Lucy
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: sequel to my fic "Sins of the Father," refers to lots of things that happened in that story, takes place a few months later!
Summary: Luke tries to get news about Noah, Casey and Jade attempt a first date, Krista worries about Noah's progress, a super-secret rescue plan is made.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "Romeo and Juliet" by Dire Straits, though there are some great cover versions by Matt Nathanson, Indigo Girls, and the Killers.
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10a / Chapter 10b / Chapter 11a / Chapter 11b /
“Northside Hospital, ICU Ward 4. This is Shannon, how may I help you?”
Luke gripped his phone tighter, nearly shoving it inside his ear. “Hi, can you transfer me to Noah Mayer’s room?”
“Hold on just one moment.” Luke’s hopes rose quickly, heart jumping into his throat… and then just as quickly died. “I’m sorry sir, the patient in question is still unable to accept calls. There’s a hold on his room for the time being.”
His hand shook, but he refused to drop the phone. It was his one and only connection to Noah right now. “He’s unable to accept calls? Is he still… Are you- can you tell me how he is, then? Please? Has he woken up? Do the doctors think he’s going to be okay?” There was movement beside him, someone coming closer eagerly, but he ignored them.
There was another pause on the other end of the line. “I’m sorry, sir. We can only release that information to family.”
He glared irrationally at the glass of water on the tray in front of him. “How do you know I’m not family? Please, I need to know how Noah is. Something. Anything. Please!”
There was a sigh from the nurse or receptionist or whatever the hell she was. It wasn’t a frustrated, annoyed sigh; it was a pitying, helpless sigh. Which did nothing to ease Luke’s anger. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “There’s nothing I can do. Medical updates go to family only.”
Luke shook his head sharply, willing his voice to stay firm and not slide into desperation. He didn’t need to pull a Sally Field; it wouldn’t help his case right now. “Look, I’ve been calling for the past three days. And the only thing I’m sure of is that he’s alive. I’ve been his partner for three years, I’ve known him longer than that ‘family’ has. If it was up to him, he’d be in Illinois with me. So please, just tell me something.”
There was another sigh, and then the answer came too quickly. “Sir, I’m truly sorry, but there’s nothing we can do. You have to be family- or spouse- to get that information.”
The word ‘spouse’ was like a knife to the heart. Like life hadn’t messed with them enough? “Look, ma’am, I don’t know if you can tell this by my voice, but spouse? Probably isn’t going to happen. Because I’m gay, and Noah’s gay, and there’s not much either of us can do about that. We also can’t talk to each other, and for some reason I can’t know whether or not the love of my life is seriously injured or not. So maybe-”
“Sir,” the voice cut in, firm but still apologetic. “There is nothing I can do. If you want to find out about Mr. Mayer, I suggest you contact his family and ask them.”
“Oh yeah, great, that’s a suggestion I never would’ve thought of!” Luke snapped. “Thank you so much, I’m sure glad I made this call and-”
The phone was snatched out of his hand, and he huffed angrily as Casey put it up to his own ear. “Um, thank you ma’am, for your help. We’ll try again tomorrow!” he said over-cheerfully before hanging up and tossing the phone over to Hunter, who fumbled with it momentarily before managing to set it on the bedside table.
Luke hunched over as much as he could, fists covering his eyes. Trying to regulate his breathing, counting slowly in his head. He realized he was doing the breathing exercises Noah used, and almost started crying. “Damn it, damn it, damn it.”
“Did you find out anything? At all?” Casey asked quietly, surprisingly subdued.
Luke shrugged, not looking up. He hated looking up now, into a room that didn’t have Noah in it. It sucked. “Nothing new. He’s alive. He can’t accept calls, or isn’t allowed to. Any real information only goes to family,” he spit out the word.
“He’s alive,” Hunter pointed out tentatively from his seat. “I mean, it looks like he’s not any worse. So he’s probably getting better, right? That’s something.”
Luke didn’t respond. What was the point? Knowing Noah was alive, but hurt? Knowing exactly where he was, but not able to get there? It was one of the worst feelings in the world.
“It is,” Casey finally answered. “It is something. I mean, Luke- no matter what that, uh, proxy thing says, you are still listed as Noah’s next of kin. If anything were to happen, they have to let you know.”
“Great,” Luke mumbled, finally looking up to stare glumly at the door to his hospital room. “So my options are no news or bad news.”
“Hey.” Casey sat at the foot of the bed, regarding him more seriously than Luke had ever seen him look before. “Luke. Noah’s going to be okay. It was a bad injury, but completely treatable. He’ll get better and come back home, I know it.”
Luke was about to snap at him, but stopped after a closer look at his friend. Casey looked tired. Like he hadn’t slept in awhile. That bouncy energy he always seemed to have was reduced to a nervous twitch. And suddenly, Luke realized. Casey was scared about Noah too. Casey missed him. Luke wished he knew what to say to make this better, but he didn’t.
“And Noah’s just as stubborn as you are,” Hunter supplied helpfully, as Luke was still silent. “After everything that’s happened, I don’t think he’d let something like this separate you for long.”
Both Casey and Luke turned to stare at Hunter, open-mouthed.
Hunter squirmed under their scrutiny. “What? I’m awkward, I’m not dumb.”
And just like that the tension was gone, at least a little. At least enough. Luke sat back heavily in his elevated bed, sighing. “Thanks guys. He’ll be back. He will be.”
“Duh, of course he will,” Casey offered a smile. “He may even get back to the apartment before you do.”
Luke mock-glared. “Don’t even get me started on that. Can’t you work some Hughes magic, get my doctor to let me out of here now?”
Casey shook his head. “Dude, don’t tell anyone, but I’d rather cross my mom than cross Grandad. He says you have to stay, then you have to stay.”
Luke blew out a breath, aggravated. “Four more days. I don’t know if I can be stuck in here for four more days.”
Casey patted Luke gently on the leg. “Look at it this way. By the time you get discharged from here, Noah’s gonna be waiting for you at your apartment. Safe and sound and happy.”
************
The next time he opened his eyes, he knew something was wrong. It was a feeling in the pit of his stomach, and all-consuming fear and tension that felt like it would never go away. He was staring up at the same hospital room ceiling he’d seen for days. And he was alone this time. Hospital rooms and being alone. Two of the things he hated most in this world.
Noah slowly, with more strength than it should have taken, turned his head towards the window, which was thankfully open. The first time he had fully woken up, all the blinds in the room had been shut and it was dark. That, combined with a serious lack of ‘Luke’ in the room, had thrown him into a panic attack. For which he had been sedated.
And that was- Noah checked the date on the clock next to his bed- five days ago. It had been a cycle of waking up, asking futile questions, and getting drugged back into sleep. A cycle of nightmares. Being asleep assaulted his mind with warped memories and dreams. But being awake… being awake he was even more helpless and scared, and he had no way of talking to Luke.
He blinked heavily again, waiting for everything in the room to come into focus, then fumbled for the switch on the side of the bed. Once he was raised up enough, he pulled his tray over and sluggishly lifted his water glass to his lips. This all sucked. His coordination was way off, and he had a hard time focusing on anything in his brain. Thoughts flew in and flew out before he could connect them all. The only constant thing was Luke. Luke wasn’t here.
No one was here. He was alone in a hospital room, weak and vulnerable. Unable to defend himself. Anyone could come in here and-
The door opened slowly. Noah felt one of his hands ball up into a clumsy fist. If this person tried to hurt him, he could do something this time.
“Noah?” a soft voice called out, as a figure- two figures- appeared in the doorway. It was Eric and Autumn, regarding him with cautiously hopeful expressions. “How are you feeling today?”
Noah somehow relaxed and tensed up at the same time. “I’m fine,” he mumbled, voice hoarse and scratchy. “When can I get a phone in here? I need to call Luke.”
They exchanged a glance, one he couldn’t decipher. One that made him a little angry, for some reason. “Honey,” Autumn tried to sound soothing. “We don’t think you’re quite ready to make phone calls just yet.”
“I don’t care,” he replied. “I need to talk to Luke. He was in the car with me. He’s hurt, and he’s probably worried about me. I need to make sure he’s okay and he’s taking care of himself.”
“Noah, you need to worry about taking care of you first,” Eric tried to explain.
Noah shook his head as much as he could without causing new explosions of pain. “No, you don’t understand. He’s hurt, and I’m not there to take care of him. I-”
“Noah,” Eric’s voice stayed calm, quiet. “You can’t do anything for Luke until you’re better yourself. That’s why we brought you here, so we could make sure you got the best help possible.”
Autumn stepped forward a little closer, her hand touching the railing at the foot of his bed. “The doctors say you have to avoid as much stress as possible for the time being. I know it’s hard, and I’m sorry, but we can’t let you get involved in all that business in Oakdale right now.”
“It’s not your decision!” he snapped, causing Autumn to take a step backwards. Normally he’d feel guilty about that, but not now. His heart was racing now, pumping faster and faster. “How am I supposed to relax when I can’t talk to him? I need him. He needs me!”
The door opened again, this time a nurse entering. With one slightly uncomfortable, strained smile at them, she headed to the monitors by Noah’s bed, fiddling with something. At some point, one of them must have started beeping. Noah ignored it, and her, in favor of glaring at the Millers.
“We’re not keeping you from him on purpose Noah,” Autumn protested. “But you need your rest without being bogged down with any unnecessary-”
Noah almost growled his next words. “If you say anything about Luke is ‘unnecessary,’ I swear to God, I’ll-”
“Noah, you need to relax, right now.” It was the nurse speaking now. Noah remembered her name was Jolene, and he was probably supposed to be nice to her. She had been the one to open the window for him last time he was awake. “Your heart rate is getting too high.”
He shook his head stubbornly, trying to keep his breathing deep and even. “But…” he counted to ten in his head, picturing Dr. Weston for just a moment. It helped him calm a little, focus back on the problem in front of him. “I don’t want to be drugged anymore. I just want a phone, so I can make sure my boyfriend is still alive.”
“Noah, this is for your own good right now, you have to understand that,” Eric tried once again to reason.
The Colonel used to say things like that, Noah thought with a shudder. Breathe, Noah. Count and breathe. Then he looked at them steadily again. “I don’t want this,” he said quietly. “I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.”
Autumn flinched, but tried to smile anyway. “And you will, sweetie. Soon. I promise. But you have to let us take care of you first, okay? Your body can’t handle that much stress yet.”
Eric nodded, putting his arm around Autumn. It felt to Noah like a united front against him. He glared as Eric spoke. “The fact that getting upset like this- right now- causes your heart rate to go up… It kind of proves our point.”
“What does that mean?” Noah grumbled, glancing to the side as the nurse adjusted something on one of the monitors again.
“The medical proxy,” Eric explained. “Because of your head injury and past, uh, mental trauma. No one’s sure you should really be making these decisions yet. So the courts are letting us do it. It’s just temporary, Noah.”
“Letting you do what?” Noah cocked his head to the side a little, ignoring the way his entire body protested the movement. “What the hell is a proxy? What…” and then he trailed off. Oh God. ‘Past mental trauma.’ Oh God, they knew.
“Noah…” the nurse started to speak again, a note of either concern or warning in her voice, as his blood pressure rose again.
He gripped the railings of the bed tightly. “No, no, no. You… how did you find out? You know all about me? You can’t…!” he sucked in a deep breath, wishing his chest didn’t feel so heavy.
“It’s okay!” Autumn tried to go for soothing again, but it just agitated him even more. “Those things that happened to you, they weren’t your fault, Noah! All those bad things, they happened in Oakdale. And you’re not there anymore, so they don’t have to hurt you anymore.”
“That’s not how it works,” Noah gritted out through his clenched teeth. He briefly tried counting in his head, but it wasn’t working. He couldn’t get himself to focus on the numbers. His hands were trembling, shaking. He needed Luke to hold them, keep them still. Luke wasn’t here.
“We’re going to help you, I promise!” she kept talking. “Please, honey, please let us.”
“No, no,” he managed to shove the blanket off of him and sit up further. The whole world tilted around him, but he pushed it away. He had to get out. He had to leave. He had to find-
He tried to swing his legs- why did he have a brace around one knee?- over to the side of the bed and get up, but gravity decided to get in the way. His vision went blurry and gray, and he probably would have ended up face-planting onto the floor if Eric and the nurse hadn’t caught him first, easing him back onto the bed.
“No, I have to go. Please, let me leave,” he wheezed heavily, feeling liking his lungs were squeezing his heart tightly.
“You have to calm down, you have to calm down,” Eric repeated over and over, quietly, trying to pacify him.
It made him sound like Holden, which just shook Noah even more. He half-sobbed, trying to pull away, trying to do anything. “No!” But his voice was quieter now, slurred. A warmth flooded through first his arm, then the rest of his body. Not a comforting warmth, but an unnatural, forceful one. That he had no chance of fighting. “No.” He had been drugged again. The nurse, she must have put another sedative in his IV. It’s happening again…
“Noah it’ll be okay, I promise,” Autumn whispered, holding his hand.
With the last bit of strength he had, he pulled his hand away from her. “Don’t touch me,” he murmured, frowning even as his eyes slid shut. There was a part of his brain, the tiny corner of it not giving in to the drugs, that was screaming. At being trapped, at being controlled, at being held against his will. God, he wasn’t supposed to ever feel this way again.
He tried as much as he could to turn away from them, all of them. He pointed his face towards the window. Towards Luke and Oakdale. Towards home. His last thought before that darkness took over again, no more than a whisper in his head, This isn’t home.
************
“Well,” Bob entered Luke’s room looking over a clipboard, flipping through the papers on it. “Looks like tomorrow’s the day, Luke.”
“I can go home?” he asked, needing it said out loud. Lily took his hand, squeezing gently, smiling.
Bob finally looked up, offered a smile of his own. “As long as you take it easy at home, get lots of rest and take care of yourself, I don’t see any reason why not. Tomorrow morning, we’ll finally cut you loose.”
“Finally,” Luke echoed, under his breath. Not that he was really truly looking forward to it. His apartment was still empty. Noah was still… He shook his head as Bob continued to speak.
“Luke, I truly am sorry. I feel I have to say it again. If I had known what the Millers were going to do, I never would have let them see Noah’s records. I never wanted things to come to this, for either of you.”
“No, no,” Luke was quick to try and reassure him. “Really, out of everyone, you’re the least at fault here. I mean it.”
Lily cleared her throat awkwardly. “No one’s really at fault, honey, it just-”
Luke cut her off with a look. They’d had the same discussion (argument) for the past week. Luke wasn’t ready to talk to or about his dad yet. One crisis at a time. “Not now, Mom.”
Bob stepped even closer, sensing there needed to be a change of subject. “Be that as it may, I wanted to make it up to you, son. So I called in some favors, talked to a few old friends, and managed to get connected with the head attending of ICU at Noah’s hospital.”
“What?” Luke’s head snapped back in his direction, face lighting up. “N-Noah? What does that mean? What did you…?”
Bob smiled softly. “I wasn’t able to talk to him directly, but I did get a chance to speak with his doctor. As a former physician of the patient, it was within my right to ask for an update.”
Luke sat forward eagerly, gripping his mother’s hand tight enough to make them both go numb. “How is he? Is he okay? Is he awake?”
The look on Bob’s face wasn’t quite as reassuring, and it caused his excitement to stutter and stall. “Physically, yes. He’s doing well. He’s healing. His knee is mending and the swelling in his brain continues to recede. All tests have come back with positive results. He’s getting more and more aware each day, his motor functions continue to improve…”
“Then what’s the problem?” Lily frowned, sensing the same things that Luke did.
Bob regarded them sadly. “They’re worried about his… mental state, if you will. He argues with the family every time he’s awake, or ignores them completely. He’s respectful to the staff and listens to the nurses for the most part- they seem to have a high opinion of him- but his family doesn’t seem to know how to deal with him.”
Luke felt himself glaring. At people who weren’t even there. “That’s because they don’t know how,” he muttered. He turned to his mom. “At least Noah hasn’t been, like, brainwashed by them. That’s good news.”
“Luke,” Bob shook his head. “This isn’t all good news. The doctors seem to be worried about his progress, about him being able to take care of himself.”
“Well, is there anything we can do?” Lily asked.
Bob sighed heavily. “Not as long as the Millers have this proxy and custody hold over Noah. A judge has to relinquish control back to him or to someone else. And the doctors would play a major part in that decision. They have to believe Noah can take care of himself to do that.”
“But you said they could give the custody to someone else?” Luke pointed out, half-asking.
“They could,” Bob conceded. “But it probably won’t happen. The Millers are his biological family, and he wasn’t legally separated from them. Everyone else in Noah’s life is linked to him through you, Luke.” He hesitated before continuing. “And a gay partner isn’t going to hold much clout in court.”
Luke flinched again. “So he needs to get better in order to get away, but he needs to get away in order to get better,” he mumbled, more to himself than anyone else in the room. After a few deep breaths, he looked back up. “How long will this custody/proxy thing take?”
Bob looked back at him mournfully. “I don’t know. I don’t know if anyone does.”
************
“So…” Casey tapped his foot as quietly as he could underneath the table, where no one could see it.
“So,” Jade said right back, pulling on a lock of her hair, biting her lip. She glanced around. “So. This is a date.”
“I think so,” Casey answered, also looking around. It had taken a ridiculous amount of time to figure out just where to bring her. Al’s was too casual. The Lakeview was too formal. And out of all the things Jade was, a ‘picnic fan’ didn’t seem to be one of them. So he brought her to the new Italian restaurant in nearby Elkton. It was a jeans-and-t-shirt type of place, but new and fun. And definitely clean. So that was a plus. Right?
Jade nodded, opening and closing her menu. “Any news about Noah?”
He shook his head. “Nothing new. I, uh, even tried calling the hospital pretending to be his long-lost uncle but they didn’t go for it.”
She smirked a little. “Which voice did you use?”
He scrunched up one side of his face. “I was going for Refined Older Guy, but ending up sounding like a British Family Guy character,” he admitted.
Jade laughed. “Well, at least you tried.”
“How’s Luke?” Casey asked. “Stupid classes and everything, I haven’t been able to stop by the apartment to see him.”
“You wouldn’t see him if you did,” Jade answered. “He’s staying with us at the house.”
Casey nodded. “Probably a good idea, make sure he actually takes care of himself and doesn’t do something… dumb.”
“You’d know all about doing something dumb, right?” Jade smirked again.
“I’m here, aren’t I?” he shot back. Then he softened, “He doesn’t want to be in the apartment without Noah, does he?”
“Nope,” she confirmed. “Can’t blame him, really. It would be weird sleeping alone in the bed you’d been sharing with-”
“Whoa, okay, no mental images, thanks!” Casey held up a hand.
Jade smiled again, but it was a little forced now. And then Casey found out why, when she spoke. “How’s, uh… have you talked to Alison?”
Aaaand now they were back to the awkward. “Um, not really, no. Saw her once or twice at the hospital, but we’re both doing a pretty decent job of avoiding.” He shrugged. “Hunter told me she’s okay though. Not, like, wallowing or whatever.” Then he rolled his eyes, speaking quickly. “Not that she should be or anything. I’m not saying I’m like some perfect-”
“Casey,” Jade cut him off, rolling her eyes. “Chill. This isn’t a Miss America pageant. I don’t need a perfect answer for every question.”
“Okay.” He deflated a little, tapping his finger against the beer bottle in front of him. Then he frowned. “Why would you pick Miss America as the example?”
She quietly half-laughed again, and then they both went back to glancing around, waiting for the waitress. His foot was tapping again. She was playing with her hair again. Another two minutes of unbearably, eternity-stretching silence, and Jade smacked her hand lightly on the table. “What the hell?”
Casey twitched. “What?”
“This!” she waved her hand between them. “Us! What the hell is the matter with us?”
“I don’t know!” He leaned his elbows on the table, head in his hands. “I have never been this awkward around a girl. Especially not a girl I’ve already, you know, slept with. Why is this so weird? We’ve seen each other naked, but we can’t see each other eat pizza?”
Jade leaned back in her chair with a sigh. “We’ve slept together, but we’ve never dated. Not for real.”
“But we know each other,” Casey protested. “It shouldn’t be this… weird. Right?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t really done a lot of, well, dating before. Have you?”
He shook his head. “Guess not. But I didn’t think it would be like this.”
“Me neither,” she muttered, opening and closing her menu again. Then she looked up at him. “Maybe we’re trying too hard. Maybe we just need to, I don’t know, find out the things we really have in common, that we like to do, and do those.”
“Okay,” Casey nodded, running the idea through his brain. “Okay, that makes sense.” He sat back in his chair. “So. What do we both like to do?”
Ten minutes later, they were in the backseat of Casey’s car. Their jackets were scattered somewhere on the floorboards, Jade was pulling her top off, and Casey was fumbling with the buckle of his belt.
Yep. This was something they both liked to do.
************
Krista watched her younger brother (wow, still getting used to that) as he slept. It was really the only time she could still see him- the Noah she had gotten to know in Oakdale- without him turning into the angry, closed-off person he had become. They had forced him to become. Without her feeling raging amounts of guilt about this whole mess.
She squeezed his hand a little tighter when he frowned in his sleep, turning his head towards the window. He didn’t like hospital rooms, she remembered that. So she always made sure the window stayed open and the blinds were never shut. So sunlight always got in. She wasn’t sure how much it was helping, but then again… she wasn’t sure anything any of them did was helping.
When she had first met Noah, she was immediately charmed by how shy he was, how tentative. Their family could be so boisterous and crazy at times, and here was this quiet, sweet kid that could be a part of them. But now Noah wasn’t just quiet, he was withdrawn. He didn’t trust them, he didn’t want to be around them. It was just all… wrong.
He was stubborn too, she had to admit, smiling a little. That was definitely another family trait they all shared. He would close his eyes, turn his back as much as he could when they entered his room. The social worker too. The hospital had assigned a social worker-slash-therapist to Noah’s case to try and figure things out, and so far Noah had managed to ignore the woman spectacularly. Krista was impressed in spite of herself.
The only people he was still polite to were the nurses, and even then it was only the ones who came to do physical therapy with his knee, or bring his food or change his sheets. The ones Noah instinctively knew weren’t responsible for his predicament.
She sighed and squeezed his hand again. Who was responsible? She had asked herself every day for the last… ten days? Had it been ten days since they had brought Noah to Georgia? Every day seemed to bleed into the next, and she couldn’t imagine how that felt for Noah, being stuck here in a place he hated. Accepting no comfort. The only time he even let Krista hold his hand was when he was mostly asleep or drugged.
He didn’t trust any of them or their motives, and even the nice gestures were met with stony silence or a short, biting rejection. He didn’t believe them. They had backed Noah into a corner, and he wasn’t going to get himself out for them.
“Hey.” The door opened, and Justin stepped in quietly, face still impassive. Stony. Like Noah’s. He held up the box in his hands. “Brought the DVD player.”
“Good,” she answered softly, keeping her hand on Noah’s. She watched as Justin set the device up, placing it on the tray next to Noah’s bed along with the DVDs Krista had suggested. “They’re some of his favorite movies,” she needlessly explained. “Maybe it’ll get him to-”
“You really think a Marx Brothers movie is going to magically cure him?” Justin raised an eyebrow skeptically.
She chose not to answer, suddenly very very tired. “Can you sit with him for a bit? I wanted to run out and pick up some sandwiches, maybe he’ll eat more if it’s non-hospital food.”
Justin shrugged, taking the seat opposite her. “Make sure it doesn’t have tomatoes.” At her questioning look, he shrugged, embarrassed. “Luke told me. He doesn’t like tomatoes.”
She couldn’t help but smile again. She loved her brother. Brothers. She really did. “Okay.” But she couldn’t get herself to stand up, let go. “Have you talked to Mom and Dad today?”
He shook his head. “Not yet. Not really a point to it, is there? It’s the same words, every time. I’m tired of hearing their justifications for all this.” He cocked his head to the side. “You know the lawyer they used for all this?”
“Not personally,” she answered, confused.
Justin frowned. “I don’t mean personally. I mean, anything about the lawyer at all. Where did Mom and Dad find him? When did we get this hardcore legal expert to get custody of Noah? It’s all weird.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know, that whole thing went down without me.” She softened her voice, glancing at the door. “I heard them talking yesterday, saying this wasn’t going the way ‘he’ said it would go, that Noah wasn’t… I don’t know, maybe they found the lawyer in Oakdale, and he promised this would all go smoothly. None of it makes sense to me.”
Justin snorted. “None of it ever made sense to me.”
Her voice lowered even more. “I think we made a mistake. Bringing Noah here, I think it was a mistake.”
“Me too,” he nodded. “We should’ve just let him stay in his life. Not done any of this.”
Krista’s face flushed, and she had to fight the urge to snap at him. “God, Jus. You never wanted Noah to be a part of our lives at all, did you? You never wanted to trust him.”
He shook his head, fighting to stay calm too. “No, I never wanted Noah to become Andrew, that’s all. Because Andrew died when he was taken from us. Okay? The Andrew that we knew is gone and never coming back. This, this kid right here?” he gestured to Noah. “He isn’t ours. He’s someone else friend and son and brother. And boyfriend.”
The image of little Ethan climbing into Noah’s lap, throwing his arms around him, flashed in her mind. So did the look on Noah’s face when he talked about Luke. And so did the way Lily would smile when she saw him, how that blond kid Casey would jump in with a bear hug whenever they hung out. “Jus-” she reached out with her free hand, but he pushed away, standing up to pace a little, biting at his lower lip.
“He belongs to them, Kris. Not us. Mom and Dad are trying to fit Noah into their idea of who Andrew would have been, or should have been. It’s just going to hurt them when he can’t be that. It’s going to be the last twenty years all over again, them getting all our hopes up just to be disappointed. Again,” Justin pressed a shaking hand to his eyes, trying to calm down.
Krista regarded him, tears in her eyes. “I don’t want Andrew. I don’t know him. I barely remember him, besides that time he tried to flush my Malibu Barbie down the toilet. That’s it. However,” she stood up, grabbed Justin’s arm, dragged him to the foot of the bed so he was looking at Noah. “I have gotten to know this kid. Noah. And I like him. Love him, even. I want to be his sister, but if things keep going the way they are, I don’t know if he’ll let me.”
“Kris,” Justin’s voice went soft, comforting. Like he always was with her when she cried. She always hated crying, she remembered spending so much of her childhood trying not to cry, and Justin was the only person (besides her boyfriend) who never made her feel ashamed when she did. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “I have to find a way to help him,” she whispered fiercely.
Justin opened his mouth to say something, but right at that moment a sound from beside them had both siblings turning back to Noah. Noah was wincing in his sleep, breathing harshly, shaking.
Krista’s body went cold. A nightmare. These were the nightmares Luke had warned her about. “Noah,” she said quietly, urgently. “Noah, hey, it’s okay.”
Justin moved towards the door. “I’ll go get a nurse-”
“No!” she held a hand up to stop him. “It won’t help. If he just gets drugged… it won’t help.”
Justin frowned. “Krista.”
“No,” she said again. “Luke told me. It won’t help. I have to calm him down.”
“What, are you the Horse Whisperer now?” he snapped before he could stop himself. But he also didn’t open the door. In fact, he turned his back to it, leaning against it.
She ignored the sarcasm, a practiced gesture on her part, and turned back to her little brother. “Noah, it’s okay. It’s just a dream, it’s not real. You’re safe, honey.” She picked up his hand, which was clenched into a tight fist. Slowly she unfolded it. “It’s not real. Come on, Noah.”
He shook his head almost desperately, gasping for air. “No. Don’t, don’t…” He sounded so scared.
She pushed aside more tears. “You need to breathe, Noah. Nice and slow. Deep. Come on, you can do it.” Remembering what Luke had told her, she laid his shaking hand over her chest, over her heart. “Come on, deep breaths. Please, Noah.” She laid her free hand over his heart, feeling the frantic beating there. She fought to stay calm, then started counting. Slowly, softly.
“Krista,” Justin sounded hesitant again.
“No,” she told him, before focusing back on Noah. “It’s okay, sweetie. I’m right here. You’re not alone, okay? Deep breaths, deep breaths. Please,” her voice cracked a little on the last bit, but she kept both hands where they were, gentle but steady. “Please, Noah.”
A couple more seconds, in which she was mildly shocked Justin didn’t go get a nurse, and finally Noah’s breathing slowed down. He shuddered, turning a little, and Krista finally let go of his hands so he could curl into himself, still trembling. She touched his hair lightly, smoothing it back from his face. “Noah?”
His eyes still shut, he turned his face towards her. “L-Luke?” he whispered, voice raspy and shaking. But hopeful. Like everything around him really was a bad dream. He half-opened his eyes, searching for something. Someone.
Yeah, like God didn’t hate her enough. Damn it. “No, honey, it’s me, it’s Krista. Are you okay, do you want some-”
Too late. As soon as he realized she wasn’t Luke, he curled into himself even more. Turned towards the window again. His chest was still stuttering with each inhale and exhale, but it was calmer than before. At least Krista could be grateful for that, right?
“Noah,” she said again, softly, almost pleading. But he gave no indication that he heard her. His eyes were shut tight again, trying to block the world out. The only reason she knew he was still awake was the trail of tears running down his face. Matching the tears of her own.
She had been telling the truth, what she said to Justin before. She was going to find a way to help Noah, no matter what. She had to make this right.
************
( Continued in 12b)