An Unbearable Fact: 10b/??

[darkwonderland3]

Title: An Unbearable Fact
Chapters: 10b/??
Author:
darkwonderland3
Genre: AU/Romance/ Psychological/Angst
Warnings: Language, sexual scenes, mental diseases, violence, character death, suicide attempts, rape.
Rating: NC17
Pairings/Characters: Uruha/Aoi, Reita/Kai
Synopsis: When you lose the only person who loves you from the deepest of her heart, can you go on living? Do you manage to smile again? Can you fight against those demons who break you?

Previous chapters: Prologue, 1/??, 2/??, 3/??, 4/??, 5/??, 6/??, 7/??, 8/??, 9/??, 10a/??

When Kouyou went back to their bedroom slightly annoyed, the only thing he noticed was Yuu lying in foetal position on his bed and playing with its sheet. To see the teenager like that put a smile on Kouyou's lips and made him straight away forget the discussion he just had with the doctor. The simple fact of seeing Yuu was calming him, making him happier. He was another man with him, someone he couldn't recognize, someone he had started to like. The chestnut-haired walked to him, then sat on the floor and crossed his arms on the bed without taking his eyes off the raven for a single second. He startled him when he'd tucked his hair back behind his ear as Yuu had his eyes closed, and kissed the palm of his hand as an excuse.

“See? I'm already back,” Kouyou said while gently stroking his forehead with his free hand, barely touching the skin. “What are you doing all alone?”

Yuu shrugged enjoying Kouyou's caresses and added after some minutes of silence. "No one was here when I came back from the infirmary." It was a lie, but Yuu didn't want to tell Kouyou he'd been crying in the bathroom.

"Why were you there?"

"To check my weight... The same thing as always, nothing serious."

“Your weight is a serious topic, don't take it lightly.”

“Sorry...” Yuu whispered, curling up on himself and closing his eyes again.

“I wasn't saying that to make you feel bad. Please look at me,” Kouyou sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over Yuu so that he could whisper in his ear. “I didn't want to hurt you, look at me sweetheart.”

“I'm sorry... I'm sorry Kouyou...”

“Come here,” The man took him in his arms and Yuu immediately put his arms around his neck, rubbing lovingly the tip of his nose against his skin, the same way a little kid could do it. “What's happening to you today? You're not like your usual self.”

“I'm fine.”

“I don't think so. Yuu you know you can tell me what's wrong, you can tell me everything.”

“No... I'm sorry...”

“You're worrying me,” Kouyou said in a low voice against the tip of Yuu's head, breathing in his scent and putting soft kisses against his hair. Kouyou had doubts about whether or not Yuu was at the infirmary to check his weight and he feared the teenager had to go there for another reason, the same as the past days. And Kouyou wasn't blind, Yuu wasn't doing well at all. Something had to bother him, that's why he was so cuddly and wanted Kouyou to keep him in his arms, kiss him and keep on whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

“I'm here for you, and I'll always be. You just have to say a few words and-”

Yuu hushed him by kissing his lips numerous times, feeling their softness against his own and Kouyou's hands holding him close. He would have given everything he had to stay just another day with that man, stay by his side and never leave him. Another day to share these moments with him, another day to feel safe with him, another day to feel loved rather than used like a toy. Kouyou was suspecting something and the raven dreaded the minute he would learn he was leaving. He didn't want to be at evening, didn't want to pack his suitcase and say goodbye to his roommates, to Kouyou because he knew his goodbye would be a farewell. He knew he would never see them again as leaving this place meant signing his own death warrant.

“Stay with me... Just like that...”

“I'm not going anywhere. As long as you want me by your side, I won't leave you.” Kouyou murmured against his lips after they'd parted while he stroked his left cheek with his thumb.

“I am so sorry Kouyou, it's not what I want!”

“Shhh it's all right sweetheart, it's all right. I don't know what you're talking about, but we'll find a solution. I won't let you be so heartbroken.”

"Someone's lucky here." A sad laugh made them both look towards the door where Yutaka was standing, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Weren't you with Akira? Where is he? And what happened to make you cry?”

“I left him over there, alone...”

“I'll go get him, stay with Yuu.”

The brown-haired teenager sat next to Yuu when the older man left the room. He stayed motionless and wasn't saying a single word, he only continued crying.

“Why... are you crying?” Yuu asked him, putting shyly a hand on his shoulder as he didn't know what else to do.

“I've hurt him... because I love him so much... I just wanted him to know how I felt but... but I'm so lost, I'm so lost I don't know what to do! I just want him to love me as much as I do but... it's not the case...”

“Are you sure?”

“I've hurt him Yuu,” Yutaka got closer to the teenager, too close, and slowly he sat astride on his lap and put his arms around Yuu's neck, his lips near his ear. "We're alike you and me, we're hurting the ones who love us as much as they're hurting us. You're hurting Kouyou and you don't even notice it..."

Yuu could neither move nor push him away and he could even less say something. He was paralysed, shocked by Yutaka's behaviour towards him, shocked by his words. Was he really hurting Kouyou? Was he really doing that to the man who was so thoughtful towards him? Or was Yutaka lying? The raven had noticed the younger teenager wasn't himself and he feared he would see the same boy he'd seen in the garden, the same boy who had been playing with a dead bird.

“Why haven't I the same luck as you?”

He soon started to feel Yutaka's hands on his hips and his lips putting kisses along his jaw, then along his neck. He wasn't brutal in his kisses, they were soft and tickled him from time to time, they weren't intended to hurt him. At least that what Yuu thought. It was only when the raven had tried to push him away after long minutes of trying to make his body move that he'd felt Yutaka's teeth sink into his skin. The teenager couldn't help himself from letting out a cry of pain as his hands clutched Yutaka's top in a way of making him let go, but the more he was trying the more he was feeling the brown-haired bite him harder. Tears were running down his cheeks and Yuu was now begging him to stop. He didn't understand why Yutaka was acting like that, why he was hurting him, why he wasn't listening to him.

It had seemed for Yuu as if an eternity had passed by when he felt a weight be taken off his thighs and someone carrying him in their arms and bringing him in the bathroom.

As for Yutaka, he struggled for a few minutes before stopping all movements when he recognized Akira's voice. The man was whispering soothing words to him, asking him where was his Yutaka, asking the puppet to give him back the boy. And it worked, Yutaka came back to his normal self even though he was crying his pain letting silent sobs leave his mouth. Akira rocked him back and forth on his bed while he kept on whispering those soothing words and waited for his tears to stop running down his cheeks to talk.

“It's not your fault Yutaka, stop crying now.”

“I've hurt him... I've hurt Yuu again!”

“He's with Kouyou now, he's going to be fine and-”

“All I know how to do is hurting people... I can't do anything else... I've hurt you and now Yuu...”

“You didn't let me finish what I had to say, just like back there,” Akira said as he gently lifted the teenager's head by his chin. “You've never hurt me and I know you never will.”

“But I did... You rejected me... You don't love me the same way I do...”

“It's not what I wanted, but you left so fast I haven't even had the time to explain myself. And then Kouyou came and told me you were crying,” The man stroked his cheeks, erasing the tears that were still on his skin then put a kiss on his forehead. “I'm not gifted with words you know... What I meant there was that I can't love you the way you want, we can't be lovers. At least not as long as we're trapped here.”

“But... But...”

“Look at me Yutaka, I love you. I really do. But I'm an adult and you're still so young. That kind of relationship can't be healthy for you. But I promise, when we will get out here I promise you won't have to doubt my feelings for you ever again. I'll make this effort only for you.”

Akira brought him closer to his chest, still rocking him, and put soft kisses in his hair. The blond wasn't the kind of man who was making promises lightly, for this boy he was going to make them true. He was going to make him smile, make him truly happy and Yutaka wouldn't have to cry, never again.

* * *

Yuu didn't notice time flew by so fast, and it was already dinner time. They were all five sat at the same table like every evening, but tonight the atmosphere was different, as if they were sensing something was going to happen. Something that would affect them all without exception. But none of them, except Yuu, knew what was going on inside these walls and inside the raven's head.

The teenager hadn't touched his plate a single time. He had no will to eat knowing that his father would be here in just a moment or two and that it was his last meal with his roommates he had started to like and even love. Yuu had absolutely no will to leave them, no will to live again the same nightmare he was living for five years. And to think about it, to remember all that had happened years ago was taking away the few appetite he had. And in the middle of dinner Yuu wondered if it was now the right time to tell everything, if he still had a chance to escape his father's mistreatments and maybe if he'd speak now maybe he would still be alive tomorrow.

He tried to speak, there in the middle of the canteen where everybody could hear him, he tried to let the words leave his mouth but the only thing he was able to do was to open his mouth. No sound escaped it, only air as his voice got stuck in his throat and Yuu shortly felt tears coming in his eyes.

Kouyou had seen his troubles to try speaking, he had seen the raven's hand tense on the fork and the pain on his beautiful face. Of course he had asked him what was happening, but Yuu only shook his head without even looking at him. And apart from keeping one of Yuu's hands in his, the chestnut-haired didn't know what to do more. Yuu didn't want to talk since they had been both alone in the bathroom earlier and Kouyou wondered if he was going to ask him again if it was true he'd never hurt the man. Yuu was certain and convinced he was hurting him in one way or another even though it wasn't the truth, he had repeated this a good number of time. The teenager had explained him what had happened between Yutaka and him, he'd told him what the brown-haired had said, that he was hurting Kouyou and that it was the last thing he wanted to do to him. Kouyou had been listening to him before reassuring him while he'd been washing the few droplets of blood that were on Yuu's neck, a now purple bruise with teeth marks adorned it.

For the first time Yuu noticed the clock on the wall and he felt his stomach hurt him when he saw what time it was. So he stood up and without warning left the canteen leaving his roommates with puzzled looks. Kouyou tried to follow him right after but was stopped by a nurse, telling him Yuu needed some time alone. That wasn't an acceptable explication for the man who started to have doubts again.

In the bedroom Yuu put his opened suitcase on the bed while looking at it with dead eyes, looking at how empty it was and what it was meaning. Yuu remembered the first time he had seen it on this exact same bed, how he had talked so coldly to Takanori, how afraid he was of his roommates, the tears he had shed when Akira and Yutaka had talked to him for the first time. He remembered his bandaged head - bandages which were still under his bed - and the scar that was now hidden under his bangs, his first night in Kouyou's arms, his soothing words and his caresses in his hair and on his back. Now he was going to lose all of these, the feeling of being safe and loved, the happiness he had with them even though they had ups and downs.

The raven was almost done when he started hearing his roommates' voices behind the closed door coming closer and closer. He heard a nurse talk with them, telling them Yuu was leaving and that they had to wait in the corridor, he heard them asking her why no one had told them earlier that he was leaving and why now. They couldn't, didn't want to believe that fact. Yuu couldn't leave now not when they weren't prepared, it was so sudden for all of them they hadn't the time to digest the information.

A few minutes passed by until the moment someone barged in the bedroom. Yuu didn't need to look at that person to know who it was and he hadn't the strength left to face him.

“So it's true. You're leaving...” Yuu could hear the hurt in his voice, the tears that were stuck in his throat. And it pained him so much to hear Kouyou like that, to know that he was hurt, the he was hurting him. “Please tell me it's a bad joke... Tell me you're not leaving, tell me you're staying with me, tell me they made a mistake and it's someone else who's leaving...”

“I'm... I'm sorry Kouyou...”

“Yuu... sweetheart look at me,” Kouyou said softly as he was taking one of Yuu's wrists in his hand. “I beg you, don't be scared of me now.”

“I am so sorry I... I didn't want to do that to you.” The teenager admitted after finally facing the man. And seeing all the pain in Kouyou's eyes, his tears that couldn't fall, made his heart ache a little more. “I'm sorry, but I have to leave.”

“No you don't. I know you don't want to leave, I know that it's the last thing you want. Because we both know why and... and I'm so afraid to see you walk out of here because I don't know when I'll be able to see you, if I can see you again. I'm losing you and it terrifies me...” The chestnut-haired hugged him tightly against him, enjoying one last time to have him in his arms and feeling him hug him back with the same force. “I don't want to lose you Yuu... You're the best thing that happened to me here and I don't know what I should do if you're not by my side anymore. You're going to be hurt if you leave and I'm so scared for you!”

“It's all right Kouyou, everything's going to be fine for you, for me. You don't have to worry... Don't be worried about me.” Yuu tried to reassure the man as best as he could, forgetting his own fears and only focusing on Kouyou's feelings. He whispered those words in his ear again and again while caressing his hair.

Don't leave me, was the only thing Kouyou whispered between two kisses. He hoped the teenager would stay, he really did, but deep down he knew he was only making their goodbyes more difficult for the both of them. And Yuu as an answer was whispering to him that he shouldn't worry, that Kouyou would be fine even without him. Kouyou had hoped Yuu would never have to see him like that, but now he couldn't hold his tears back anymore. Yuu was going to leave him and he couldn't accept it. They were sharing in silence their last kisses, their last hugs, their last moments together. One hoping it was just a nightmare and that he wasn't losing him, and the other hoping he wouldn't have to feel so hurt for long.

“Yuu it's time, your father's here.” A nurse interrupted them, leaving the door open so that everyone in the corridor could see what was happening in this bedroom.

They both let go of each other unwillingly, Kouyou still whispering a few pleases. Without looking at him the teenager took his suitcase and walked towards the corridor, where his father was standing. He was smiling at him gently, wearing once again that mask of the good father, telling Yuu that he was going to spend a few days at home with him before going to another mental institution, a better one. And just as the teenager was about to leave, Kouyou put his arms around the teenager's waist once again and hold him tightly against his chest, almost hurting the raven-haired. Once again he was begging him to stay, to not go with his father because he was certain that right now was the last time he'd be able to see him alive. Those words pained Yuu but aside from telling him the same words over and over again, he couldn't do a single thing.

After the surprise of Kouyou's behaviour had passed, a few nurses tried to make the chestnut-haired let go of Yuu, not without some difficulties.

“Don't abandon me Yuu! Please stay... I love you!”

Yuu heard his words clearly, but didn't say a single thing nor look at him. He simply couldn't, not when his father was watching them with his usual smirk on his lips, so the only thing he did was to leave the bedroom. And as Kouyou was watching Yuu's frame moving away more and more, he could feel his heart break into pieces. Yuu didn't even deigned looking at him, as if the teenager didn't care about what could Kouyou feel right now. But that wasn't the case, and the man knew it. He had just hoped that Yuu would look at him one last time after his confession and he had no idea what consequences his words would have when Yuu would be out of the hospital. And as soon as Yuu was out of his sight, Kouyou let out a few sobs as the nurses released him and didn't even notice that his roommates were now by his side, still shocked by Yuu's departure.

* * *

“He loves you, huh? Interesting.” Yuu's father said with still that smirk on his lips as he was driving.

Yuu hadn't said a word since they'd left the hospital. He had only been thinking about Kouyou's last words, about how hurt he'd sounded. He should have done or said something, but now it was too late. He was going home in Mie, in a house full of nightmares and memories. Or at least that was what he was thinking.

“That... isn't the road to go back home.”

“We're not going back to Mie, I've bought a new house here. It's our new start Yuu.”

“What about your... job there?”

“Oh you're worrying about me? You should rather worry for yourself.”

The house was far from the town centre, in a calm residential area. It had a garden, but Yuu knew he would barely have the occasion to spend some time in it. He already knew this new home would give him another nightmares, another sleepless nights. It wasn't going to be a new start for the boy, only a descent into hell. And for a reason Yuu ignored, his father made him discreetly go into the house as if he wanted to hide his existence to the neighbours.

Inside Yuu was petrified. He didn't want to be here, didn't want to feel his body shake in fear, didn't want to obey to his father when he told him to go upstairs. The room at the end of the hallway, that's your bedroom, but it was anything but a bedroom. It was just too different from the one he had back in Mie, it wasn't a bedroom for a teenager. It was a torture chamber. Yuu would have given everything just to go back in the hospital, back to his roommates, back to Kouyou. He was having a nightmare, he would soon wake up and feel Kouyou's arms around his body, hear him whispering in his ear soothing words as he would try to catch his breath back. And Kouyou would kiss him and told him that he was just having a nightmare, that he was there and as long as the chestnut-haired was by his side, nothing would hurt him.

Yuu heard the creaking of the door after some time and soon felt hands caressing his bare arms. Yuu knew too well where that was leading, what was going to happen in the next few minutes and he couldn't help but let tears run on his cheeks.

“Let's celebrate your comeback.”

~~~~~~
A/N: Let's say I'm angry right now and frustrated because I had to cut this chapter... I hate doing this.
I'm so sorry for the late update! My mental state wasn't in top form this summer and I had a writing block... But then DOGMA happened and I was able to write again! :D INCUBUS made me feel so many things, it will help me for the next chapters (which are going to be emotionally difficult for me)
And please, don't kill me now that Yuu's back with his father! ^^" What can I add... Yeah, there are some similarities between Yuu and Yutaka's relationship. That's on purpose!
This chapter ends the first part of this fic! (and is the longest so far~)
I don't know when I'll be able to update again since Uni takes me lot of my free time and only let me write during weekends :/ (and you know how slow I am... I'm truly sorry) But I hope soon!

Comment are always appreciated and keep me motivated <3

Next: 11/??