The new slogan at Jamba Juice recently caught my eye. It reads:

Start the new year off on the right fruit

When I saw this, the very first image that popped into my head was...two men having sex. I can't even begin to tell you how disturbing that was--the psychological fallout alone threatened to occupy the rest of my day. But before I had the ( Read more... )

How many people have a crush on ( Read more... )

When it comes to certain areas of personal hygiene, I don't beat around the bush:

I trim it.

Yeah, that's right. I keep the weeds whacked; I clear the junkyard every once in awhile; and though I'm not convinced it's gonna look any taller when I'm done, I cut the grass around the mailbox. And no, I don't do it for the special lady in my life ( ( Read more... )

In the spirit of California's Statewide Special Election, I offer you this "special" vignette, which, like the "special" election, is both unique and retarded.

The California Recall: A Love StoryA few years ago, us California voters decided to go on a blind date, politically speaking. We got hooked up with a guy named Gray Davis. He seemed nice ( Read more... )

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There is great joy to be had in going through some old files on your computer and coming
across pictorial evidence of perhaps your life's greatest achievement--an achievement so
great, that in the ensuing months and years, you completely forgot about it.

I discovered a file today, entitled kickass.bmp and dated exactly two weeks before my ( Read more... )

For those of you who aren't in the know: I have a fraternal twin brother. For the most part, this is a pretty cool thing; but it can be tough when one of us (read: my brother) accomplishes something truly spectacular in life and the other (read: me) has to sit around, stewing in a pot of unending jealousy and self-loathing ( Read more... )

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I was reading over some of my old entries today, and much to my dismay, I discovered that in addition to becoming increasing infrequent, my live-journal has become rather repetitive. If you've read my journal for any length of time, you may be under the impression that I do nothing but make constant trips to Jamba Juice, get drunk off a couple ( Read more... )

I have written in my live-journal exactly twice in the last month. If I had the nerve to call myself a writer, I would chalk this up to a bad case of "Writer's Block", but since ( Read more... )