Drowned in Silence /// Tenth Word: Enough
banner by naomi0211 ♥♥♥
Title: Drowned in Silence /// Words we could never find ///
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre: AU!!!, Romance, Angst
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this. The plot is mine and I DO NOT COPY anyone's writing.
Summary: It's been more than two years, since they had decided to part ways. Now, they meet, their paths cross again and Kazuya and Jin are confronted with memories of that one week they once shared. But probably, nothing has changed; they are probably still the same --- unable to find the words that would make their paths become one. A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I lived in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
A/N#2: This is a Sequel to Seven Days, you should have read that multichapter to understand this, I guess.
Sorry, I've been sick and then I got busy over the weekend, so this took a while.
I was probably just as indecisive as Kazuya got in this just once again, when I had to decide what I want them to actually do XD
With this, I can announce: Next chap is going to be the last one!
Enjoy reading this one, everybody ♥
Previous Chapters:
Prologue
First Word: Remember
Second Word: Oblivion
Third Word: Attraction
Fourth Word: Unsteady
Fifth Word: Weak
Sixth Word: Complicated
Seventh Word: Strong
Eighth Word: Certain
Ninth Word: Scared
Tenth Word: Enough
Kazuya came back from the bathroom and gave Jin a slight smile, before he sat down on his bed, running a hand through Jin’s hair.
The older one returned it, lightly pecked Kazuya’s lips, before he got up and disappeared to the bathroom, too.
Kazuya sighed in content, as soon as he was alone and fell to his bed, staring at the ceiling. He was wearing shorts and a shirt to sleep in, his hair pulled back in a loose tail.
This was actually really nice.
The way they had sat in the small garden for more than an hour, watching the stars, pointing at them, whenever another shooting star made its way through. Jin had sat behind him, his arms securely around Kazuya’s waist, holding him close.
It was too nice, Kazuya thought now, closing his eyes. Too nice, but too irresistible, as well. The way Jin had dedicated so much of his attention to just caress Kazuya’s back, kiss his neck, murmur soft and gentle words to Kazuya’s ear.
That had added romance to what was between them, actually, and Kazuya couldn’t say he disliked it.
It had made him feel so warm and loved and he couldn’t bring himself to reject any of it.
Jin came back and Kazuya rolled to his side, looking at him. Giving him an insecure look, Jin hesitated, then, Kazuya reached out his hand and Jin climbed into bed next to him.
“You’ve been wearing this all this while”, Jin said quietly, almost whispered and slightly tugged the pendant of the necklace Kazuya wore.
“I like it”, Kazuya simply answered.
“Will you give it back?”
Kazuya laughed slightly, nuzzled against Jin, as he closed his eyes. “You didn’t want it, did you?”
“I didn’t want it, as long as I was thinking you didn’t want me”, Jin corrected him.
“So, now you think it’s different?”
Jin let his hand come to rest over Kazuya’s hip bone. “We share a bed, don’t we?”
“Hm.”
“And you’re cuddling up to me.”
“Hm.”
“You’ve kissed me again and again earlier.”
“Hm.”
“I think you pretty much want me”, Jin concluded.
Kazuya shifted a bit, looked up to Jin’s face, then he sat up and opened the necklace. Jin sat up, too, watching him, until Kazuya leaned in and placed it around Jin’s collar.
“There you go.”
Jin managed an awkward laugh. “So cold.”
Kazuya grinned, before he leaned in and pulled Jin close by the pendant, meeting his lips in a warm kiss. He wound his arms around Jin’s neck and took more of it, deepened the kiss.
Jin didn’t mind at all, pulling Kazuya close, shoving his hands up into the soft brunette hair. He closed his eyes and let the feeling take over, let Kazuya take over him.
They parted slowly and Kazuya bit his lower lip, waiting for Jin to open his eyes.
“Jin”, he murmured softly and pulled Jin in, holding him tight. “I guess I can’t.”
Jin laughed slightly, shaking his head. “I don’t think we should. It’s fine like this, isn’t it?”
Kazuya drew back again and smiled, his hand cupping Jin’s face. “This morning you were still so desperate.”
“I didn’t have you like this, then”, Jin simply said and lay down again, pulling Kazuya with him. “Now, we have time.”
Kazuya smiled and nuzzled closer, his head resting comfortably on Jin’s chest. “It feels a bit like back then, don’t you think?”
Jin made an asking sound, his hand absently stroking over Kazuya’s shoulder.
“When I tried to get you to sleep with me. You were the same back then, saying we shouldn’t rush things.”
“We still rushed them.”
Kazuya nodded. “Just a bit.”
Jin laughed quietly. “It’s okay for me if we just stay like this for the time being.”
Agreeing, Kazuya closed his eyes again, his fingers playing with the pendant over Jin’s chest, while he listened to Jin’s steady heart beat.
It was nice, he thought again and drifted into sleep himself.
Just being that close was really nice.
They kept it up pretty well.
Jin was rather surprised how Kazuya didn’t leave his side the next day. They weren’t like before, when they could not have taken their fingers off of each other.
This was different, he thought and watched Kazuya reading his book.
They were just comfortable with being close to the other, having time to spend together.
Everyone else was swimming and as usual, Jin had refused, so Kazuya had just said, he wanted to read his book and had stood under the huge umbrella with Jin.
“You know, you can join them”, Jin said now, lying on his back.
Kazuya gave him a quick glance. “Probably later.” Then, he sank into his reading again.
“We could have a walk.”
“Jin, I’m reading, you know”, Kazuya told him, pointing at his book.
“I see that and it’s sad enough.” Jin sat up and leaned in, taking the book from Kazuya’s hand, ignoring his protest. “You shouldn’t read, when we’re here together, ignoring me like that.”
“Jin”, Kazuya said calmly, reaching out his hand for the book. “I am not ignoring you at all. We spend the whole morning making out; we can’t do that all day. And this is a public place, so at least pretend you’d be normal.”
“I’m not talking about making out”, Jin corrected. “I’m talking about doing things together.”
Kazuya snorted quietly. “I just need to look at you to know what you have in mind. You want a walk? Where to? To somewhere, where it’s quiet and deserted right now, so you can kiss me again.”
“It’s not like I planned something like that”, Jin defended himself. “But if our walk had ended like that, then, I would not have minded.”
Kazuya laughed and leaned in, stealing a quick kiss. “There; and now let me read.”
Jin just smirked and threw the book over his shoulder, saw Kazuya making a surprised face, before he gave Jin a slight push, not looking as angry as he acted, at all.
“Idiot”, he cursed Jin and got up to get over to pick it up again, but Jin was quick and held him back, dashing past him to pick it up first.
“Come, get it”, he teased and ran off.
Kazuya rolled his eyes and sighed, before he went after Jin, catching up in an instant. He got a hold of Jin’s arm and made him almost stop, but Jin freed himself again and just laughed, as he turned, running backwards to look at Kazuya.
He held up the book and waved it at Kazuya’s face, before he turned again and made Kazuya follow him further.
“Jin, just wait already!” Kazuya finally caught up on him completely and as he gripped Jin’s waist, the older boy stumbled and made them both fall.
Jin laughed and rolled to his back, the book in his hand, the other hand placed over his stomach; Kazuya had himself propped up on his elbows and looked at him, chuckling.
“Okay now, I caught you; give it back.”
Jin held the book out of Kazuya’s reach and grinned. “I want another kiss first.”
“You get one later.”
“I’ll throw it into the water.”
“Jin.”
He sighed and handed it to Kazuya, but as Kazuya took it from Jin’s hand, the older one gripped his wrist and pulled him in, taking the kiss he had wanted.
“Attention whore”, Kazuya only commented and Jin laughed again, not letting go of Kazuya’s hand.
“Kamenashi?”
They both turned their heads at the same moment and looked at the person standing next to them, looking down curiously.
“And that’s Akanishi-kun, isn’t it?”
Kazuya rolled from his position of half-lying on top of Jin and sat up, staring in disbelief. “Ueda?”
He got up and removed the sand from his skin, feeling Jin getting up behind him, too.
“It’s really you”, Ueda beamed at them and pointed into the direction behind them. “We’ve been watching you and I wasn’t sure if it really was you.”
Kazuya threw Jin a look, before he smiled at Ueda. “It’s a coincidence to meet you here.”
“Come on, come over! Yuichi waits, he’ll be happy to meet you!”
“Nakamaru is here, too?”
Ueda nodded and guided them. “We’re on vacation.”
They reached the place Ueda had put his things and Nakamaru already stood, greeting them friendly.
“It’s been so long”, he said and smiled at them. “It’s nice to see you two found each other again.”
“Ah, well…” Kazuya rubbed the back of his nape, giving a weak laugh.
“Oh, am I assuming wrong things? It just looked like you were… well, the way you guys just…” Nakamaru fell silent.
It would be wrong, Kazuya thought, to deny it. And it wasn’t up to Jin to say this, since it had always been him, Kazuya, to be insecure about their relationship, about outing it.
“No, you’re not”, he said and gripped Jin hand next to him.
Ueda smiled happily and out of an instinct hugged Kazuya lightly. “I knew sooner or later you’d come back to Akanishi-kun. He seriously looked so pitiful after you had left him back then.”
Kazuya blushed and threw a look at Jin, who didn’t seem any less uncomfortable.
“Okay, we’re embarrassing you, aren’t we?” Nakamaru laughed and pulled Ueda back a bit. “Sorry.”
Shaking his head, Kazuya smiled and pointed at the other direction of the beach. “We’re here with friends, on vacation, too”, he said, as he felt Jin lacing their fingers. “Why don’t you join us over there? Koki’s with us, too.”
“Koki is here, too?” Ueda turned to Nakamaru and the older boy just nodded. They packed up the few things they had brought and then followed Kazuya and Jin over to the place where the others were.
With Ueda and Nakamaru cheerfully talking behind them, Kazuya leaned in to Jin and quietly said: “So, you were missing me that much.”
“Ueda’s exaggerating”, Jin just answered.
Kazuya squeezed his hand and smiled fondly. It somehow felt good to hold hands like this in public. It didn’t feel as uncomfortable as Kazuya had thought. No one was even watching.
As they came closer, Tegoshi waved over at them and kicked a ball in their direction, making Jin take it with his foot.
“There you are again. Where have you been?” Tegoshi grinned at Kazuya, as if he knew pretty well and Kazuya knew his avoiding of looking back would be interpreted wrongly, but he couldn’t help it.
“We met friends”, Jin said and pointed at the other two guys behind them, making them step forward.
“Tatsuya”, Koki gasped and made his way over, hugging him instantly.
Ueda hugged him back and smiled brightly, then, Koki introduced both of them to the others.
They spent the day together, having fun at the beach, relaxing together in the sun.
As it got evening and the sun was setting, it got colder, clouds filling the blue of the sky.
They were still eating in a small restaurant, at a huge table outside.
“Have those two always been a couple”, Tegoshi asked, leaning in to Kazuya.
He laughed slightly, shaking his head. “How do you even get the idea they were one?”
Tegoshi just lifted a brow at him, making a face as if that was the most obvious thing ever. “You just need to have a look at them. It’s clear they’re in love.”
Glad that everyone else was involved in their conversations, Kazuya shrugged a shoulder. “They are a couple, yes.”
For a moment they both watched Ueda and Nakamaru. They sat next to each other, but Ueda was talking to Ryo, probably fighting more than talking, actually, while Nakamaru was in a conversation with Yamashita and Jin. From time to time, they would brush their hands together or exchange a quick look or Ueda would steal something from Nakamaru’s plate, without being scolded for that.
Kazuya noticed Jin looking over. They sat at different sites of the table and just sometimes their eyes would meet, they would smile at each other.
“And”, Tegoshi added, “I don’t know what happened, but you made up with Akanishi, didn’t you?”
Kazuya just nodded briefly, looking back at Tegoshi.
“Is there a reason as to why he is suddenly wearing the gross necklace you usually wore lately?”
Offended, Kazuya pouted his lips. “It’s not gross, Yuya.”
“Well, it’s not my style, then. Why does he wear it”, Tegoshi changed the topic again.
“It’s his. I bought it for his birthday, but…” Kazuya made a vague gesture. “Things came up and in the end, I kept it.”
“He must really love you, if he wears that on his own will.”
Kazuya didn’t comment on that, just rolled his eyes and got distracted by Koki next to him, talking about their plans for tomorrow.
But when he looked at Jin again, saw him laughing about something Nakamaru had said, he somehow felt how those words from Tegoshi actually effected him.
It wasn’t like Jin had ever said he loved Kazuya, since they had met again. And it hadn’t been like Kazuya actually believed he did.
But now, thinking of how Jin had been over the past day, how he looked at Kazuya suddenly, how his touches were always so gentle and just, intimate, in a way Kazuya couldn’t grab; then, he thought Jin probably really loved him, after all.
And that idea flattered him more than Kazuya liked.
He tried to avoid thinking of it and tried not to think of it as special when his and Jin’s gaze locked, when Jin gave him a slight smile, when he caught Jin observing him with keen eyes.
“It is getting cold”, Kazuya pointed out and rubbed his arms, as it was almost midnight and they still sat at the table, having snacks and drinks.
“It’s not that cold”, Ryo pointed out and they dropped that topic with that, since most of them seemed to agree with Ryo.
Kazuya decided to just endure it; they wouldn’t sit here for long, however. When they’d go back to the hotel, he would make Jin warm him up a little, he decided with a grin on his face.
As he felt fabric making contact with his shoulders, he looked up and saw Jin, adjusting the jacket he had put over Kazuya’s shoulders.
“I took one with me, when we left the hotel”, Jin said and let his hand rest on Kazuya’s nape for a bit longer. “You can wear it, if you’re cold.”
Kazuya just stared at him, as Jin went back to his seat and pulled the jacket on, nuzzling into the fabric, as it warmed his skin.
“Without any doubt”, Kazuya said later, when they walked back, “they all know now we’re a couple again.”
“Some of them don’t even know we’ve been before”, Jin answered and linked his fingers with Kazuya’s, pulling him closer, so their shoulders touched. “Ryo was shocked.”
“Because you’re after guys, all of a sudden?”
“I’m not gay”, Jin protested immediately, shaking his head. “Other guys don’t attract me at all.”
“Only, I do.” Kazuya grinned and swung their hands a bit. “So, that means, when I’m not looking, you watch out for cute girls, after all.”
Jin laughed. “Currently, there’s no need to.” He opened the door with his key card and let Kazuya go in first. “I am happy the way things are right now.”
Kazuya didn’t turn to him, his smile fading, as he bit his lip. It was just in that moment he realised what that meant, what Jin’s words really meant for them.
Right now, he thought and tightened his grip around Jin’s hand, as they walked up the stairs to their room in silence.
Right now, they were in heaven. This was not reality, this was a beautiful place, where there wasn’t a daily routine or people who wouldn’t accept them, people who stood between them.
No problems that kept them apart.
No girl, Kazuya thought and stopped in front of their room; no girl whose feelings they had to consider, when they wanted to be like this.
He let Jin pull him inside and didn’t talk much, as he changed out of his clothes, got ready to go back to bed.
It wasn’t like yesterday anymore; much more awkward, as they cuddled up beneath the blanket.
Kazuya’s heart felt heavy, because he knew he would have to leave this behind; he just had one more day of this perfect paradise, in which he and Jin could be exactly the way they wanted to be.
Nuzzling against Jin, holding on as tight as he could, he figured Jin would read his behaviour, would understand very well what was troubling Kazuya so suddenly.
So, Kazuya kept quiet, shut his eyes, only focusing on the way Jin held him in return, didn’t let go of him at all.
But still, he felt it wasn’t enough.
Jin woke up to the steady sound of rain dropping against glass.
He slowly blinked his eyes open and first thing he saw was Kazuya still sleeping next to him, his expression peaceful.
They weren’t holding each other, but they lay face to face, Kazuya’s hand close to Jin’s.
He wondered if Kazuya had held it before.
Jin raised his look to the alarm clock on the night stand, seeing it wasn’t even seven yet. The rain was hitting the window, pouring from a monotone grey sky.
It was their last dayand it was raining.
He was beautiful, Jin thought, facing Kazuya again; his features clear and shaped, his dark lashes curling against the soft skin of his cheeks.
Kazuya really was pretty.
Jin reached out his hand and ran his fingers over the delicate jaw line, down Kazuya’s neck and to his shoulder. The younger one shifted closer, mumbling something in his sleep and Jin smiled slightly, enjoying it.
Jin’s hand ran further down and he drew the line of Kazuya’s waist to his hip, resting his hand there for a while, before he traced it up back, placing a finger under Kazuya’s chin to gently lift it.
His eyes fluttered open and he looked at Jin in confusion for a moment, before a smile spread over his face; sleepy but happy, indeed.
“Morning”, Jin murmured and it felt just natural to lean in and make their lips meet.
Kazuya didn’t seem to object at all and closed his eyes again, shifting further into Jin’s embrace.
Soft, quiet, the kiss soothed even as it aroused. While Jin’s hands had found Kazuya’s and holding them prisoner, what added an excited kick to his heartbeat, Jin’s mouth took his time exploring and exploiting Kazuya’s. They had kissed so many times before, but this was different; Kazuya sank into the pleasure of it, when he rolled them over, straddling Jin’s hips.
He cuffed Jin’ wrists with one hand and stroked his body with the other.
The light, almost delicate touch stirred desire in Jin’ belly, weakened his knees, his breath becoming trembling and all the while Kazuya’s lips slid and skimmed against his.
He saw the shock in Jin’s eyes, when he hooked his finger under the waistline of his boxers, tugging them lightly, very lightly down.
“Kazuya, how am I supposed to hold back, when…” He fell silent, his eyes even bigger, when Kazuya rocked his hips against his, a silent moan escaping his lips.
“Seduction shouldn’t be predictable”, Kazuya whispered and leaned in again, taking another kiss, took Jin’s mouth again in a long, drugging kiss.
His hand tightened on Jin’s wrists, a kind of warning, while the kiss shimmered like silk. He felt Jin melt into it, degree by degree, his body yielding, his limbs going limp.
“It doesn’t come to me anymore why we should hold back any longer, Jin”, Kazuya said and licked his own lips as he stared down into Jin’ face, into his hazy, half-lidded eyes.
“I want you in so many ways you can’t even imagine.”
Jin’s breath shuddered out, his eyes stayed on Kazuya’s. “Oh yes, I can.”
Kazuya only smiled, before he bent down and attacked Jin’s neck with his mouth, tongue and teeth.
Jin shivered under him and gave; yielded under Kazuya and surrendered. His body lifted, held trembling before it fell again and always Kazuya knew Jin was with him, bound with him, need fused to need.
Jin opened his eyes, his hands still held over his head and he looked at Kazuya, their eyes met again.
He was strength and beauty, Jin realised, beyond any he had thought to possess, and Kazuya was with him.
Always, always with him; in every thought he processed, thinking exactly the same.
“You promised, Jin”, Kazuya murmured and let go of his hands. “Back then, you’ve said we’d do it properly next time.”
Jin lifted his hands to Kazuya’s face; they felt heavy and limp, but he shoved them up into Kazuya’s hair.
He nodded slowly, said Kazuya’s name once, as Jin pulled his face down. His lips brushed Kazuya’s, softly at first, like a wish. Then the kiss deepened and as Kazuya’s arms hooked around Jin, he felt the warmth and the rightness of this.
Of them.
Jin murmured against Kazuya’s lips, soft words of affection and once again pulled him down, the whistling of the sheets mixing up with the sound of the rain.
“Let’s do this properly.”
Jin smiled, as he watched the landscape rushing by through the window.
They sat in the train, everyone else around him was sleeping and he quietly enjoyed the view, the feeling of Kazuya’s steady breath against his neck.
Their last day had been perfect.
He still felt his heartbeat racing up, when he thought of the last morning, of how Kazuya had looked down at him, telling him how much he wanted Jin. They had finally taken that last step and to Jin it had felt like bounding.
Being together like that, the way Kazuya had gasped his name, had held onto him, curled into him, when Jin had pounded into Kazuya; it was, in a way, overwhelming to him.
They had missed breakfast, only realising they had spent a whole three hours of sex and cuddling, when Tegoshi had knocked their door, asking what the hell they were taking so long for.
The day had been nice, even with all the rain. They had gone out, going to the city to shop for gifts and clothes and whatever else had caught their interest.
It had been still raining in the evening, so they had all gathered in a bar to celebrate their last evening.
They had been all pretty much wasted, when they had gotten back to the hotel. Jin wondered how he could have even stayed awake for long enough, but they had apparently made it into bed; at least they had both woken up right there, next to each other this morning.
Kazuya stirred next to him, moving his shoulders, as he sat up straight and then stretched. He looked around and frowned.
“Is everyone sleeping?”
Jin nodded and changed his position, as well; now that he could move again.
“Aren’t you still feeling tired?” Kazuya rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his seat.
“I’m fine; that was just the right amount of sleep.” Jin reached out his hand and took Kazuya’s, pulling him closer again. “I had some time to think.”
Kazuya looked down at his lap, but linked their fingers slowly. He thought he knew what it was Jin had spent his thoughts on. “What is it?”
“Come closer”, Jin said and drew Kazuya into his arms, their linked fingers between their chests. “I guess it’s only fair if I tell you what I’ve figured.”
Kazuya looked up at him, his expression anxious. He felt like he didn’t want to hear what Jin had to tell him. His heartbeat raced up and he could see in Jin’s eyes that the older one felt it against their hands.
Jin leaned in and pressed a kiss to Kazuya’s cheek, closed his teeth lightly, very lightly over Kazuya’s jaw.
“I love you”, he murmured then, quietly right next to Kazuya’s ear, so that no one could hear; no one but Kazuya.
Kazuya’s eyes widened and his mouth opened, his hand going limp in Jin’s, as he leaned back and stared at him.
“Oh.”
Jin chucked at his expression and drew him close to kiss Kazuya.
It wasn’t what Kazuya had expected to hear. He had thought he’d get confronted with problems and fears for what would come next and instead, Jin just ignored all of those.
“And?” Jin gave him a curious look, anticipating.
Kazuya smiled weakly, letting go of the breath he had held unconsciously. “You know I love you, too.”
Jin smiled back. “It’s much better to hear it, though.”
Kazuya knew they were bounded now, being together like they had been together the day before.
It had not been about the sex in the first place, it had been about them building that bond, doing what would connect them deep within.
He leaned his head against Jin’s chest and even though Kazuya knew this moment was too sweet to destroy it, he quietly asked: “What are we going to do about Mirai?”
They had pushed it aside for the longest time, had pretended that problem wouldn’t exist for the time they had been in a world where nothing but their feelings for each other had counted.
But now, they were on their way back into reality.
“I don’t know”, Jin answered honestly after a moment.
Kazuya closed his eyes, thinking. “If she saw us like this, she would definitely know I’m the one who made you---“
“I’m not letting you go”, Jin cut him off and held on tighter. “And I won’t pretend we wouldn’t love each other for a single second.”
“But…”
“No”, Jin said firmly. “You just told me you love me, right?”
Kazuya just nodded against his chest.
“Then act on it and don’t run away again.”
“It’s not like I don’t stand to loving you anymore, Jin”, Kazuya corrected him. “It’s just that I don’t want to hurt her like that.”
Jin kept quiet for a moment, his hand absently stroking Kazuya’s back. Then he shifted and made Kazuya sit up, took his shoulders and seriously, sternly looked at him.
“It’s reality, Kazuya. We need to deal with that; there’s no use in lying about it.”
Kazuya swallowed thickly, but still nodded. When Jin gently brushed his hair, smiled at him and kissed him sweetly, he relaxed again and nodded again, more firmly.
This was reality, he figured.
Their love, Jin holding on to him, not letting go of Kazuya; that was what had become their reality now.
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Thanks so much for reading ♥