( Read more... )

THE HOMOSEXUALS HAVE RAGED A WAR IN OUR SLEEP.

GODDAMN FAIRIES.

I WILL NOT LET YOU GO UNPUNISHED. I AM NOT A FAIRY. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A THROWRUG!

[ooc: I'll be spamming all fairies with Colbert's sparkle text. Sorry.]

Before I try to catch my flight, I'll make sure the anorexic Santa hands out all my presents.

Merry Christmas, heathen bastards.

[ooc: EVERYONE GETS A COPY OF COLBERT'S BOOK FOR CHRISTMAS. EVERYOOOOOONE.

Also, Leon gets Bear Mace with a note saying "USE THIS", Donald gets a stuffed Donald Duck and a copy of the Nazi episode, Alessa gets a tiny ( Read more... )

There are no short cuts in life, guys. Let this be a lesson to you:

Colbert was walking through a dumbassery meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied an ass-faced little bear lying under a tree.

Colbert skipped over to see the dear thing and was retarded to find that he was hurt! A nipple clamps had pierced his ( Read more... )

Ahhh so nice to come back to a completely free timeshare. Now if only my house in Cancun had that deal.

Wonderlandians, although I'm sure you've mourned my absence, I can assure you that I am back for now. The Writer's Strike in America has really put a damper on my holiday. Those Grinches, how dare they ruin Christmas?! What are you going to tell ( Read more... )

JUST BECAUSE I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF TALKING DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T SPEAK THE TRUTH.

YOU'LL NEVER SILENCE ME, WASHINGTON NEWS POST.

NEVER.

Now Wonderlandians, we face a serious threat within our borders.

That's right. Immigrants.

We have a fence, so just how are they getting in? Obviously, this fence needs a little upgrade. A firey moat with fireproof crocodiles and angry, costipated old men manning machine guns on top of guard towers, the whole shebang.

You may be saying, "But Colbert, ( Read more... )

Everyone's minds are being warped and making them forget. Perfect time for me to manipulate you into my own nation fill your heads with the Truth!

And that brings us to tonight's WORD.

Forgetting

Forgetting! Everyone here seems to be forgetting something, whether it be their friends, themselves, or hand-eye coordination. Obviously, this place is ( Read more... )

THE FUNGI ARE ATTEMPTING TO OVERTHROW US AS THE DOMINANT SPECIES.

READY THE TROOPS, MEN!

(OOC: If you see a man running around in camo gear, attempting to shoot at the mushrooms with a 20-gouge? Don't bee too alarmed.)

Good evening Godless sodomites.

It would appear that I am either behind the Iron Curtain, or have been kidnapped by the future overlords of the world. Overlords in the disguise of children that have demon bears for souls and worship heathen golden objects.

I'm looking at you, His Dark Materials series. Or should I say, "Ursidae Manifesto".


( Read more... )