Fic: All or Nothing (12/12)
Title: All or Nothing (12/12)
Author: totallytamara
Rating: PG-13. Some language.
Disclaimer: I don’t know any of the people portrayed in this story, therefore I don’t own them, either. This wasn’t written in the spirit of offending anyone, it was written for the sake of creativity. I’m not making any money from this; it’s just for fun!
Summary: This is what happens when you tell yourself, “It’s all or nothing”, risk everything, and end up taking home the jackpot.
Notes: Okay so I’m terribly sorry that this took forever and a day to post. This chapter has caused me a busload of problems for some reason. I’ve re-written parts like five times and I think that right now it’s as good as its going to get. Haha! This is longer than most chapters and is the final part so I really hope you guys like it. I just want to thank you all once again for all of the amazing comments that you’ve given me throughout this entire story. They mean so much to me. Thank you a million times over! Enjoy!
Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 , Part 8 , Part 9 , Part 10 , Part 11
Kris wakes up to his phone ringing persistently in his ear. He groans, unsure of the time yet knowing that it’s too early for him to be getting up. He stretches his arm out and starts grabbing for his phone. When he finally finds it, he flips it open, sighing loudly into the receiver.
“Hello?” Kris grunts, trying to sit up.
“Are you asleep?!” a loud, colourful voice that Kris immediately recognizes as Brad’s asks incredulously.
“I was. What time is it?” Kris replies, rubbing his eyes.
“It’s almost 1:30. What are you doing sleeping in, mister? You never sleep in!” Brad says, and Kris can hear giggling in the background. Clearly Allison is with him. Not like that’s much of a shocker.
“Can’t I just have a lazy day? I never get to do this,” Kris says. “And why are you calling me now, anyway? Your incessant pestering doesn’t usually begin until later in the day.”
“Pestering? Oh, pish posh. I do not pester. I just… excite. That’s it. I excite people. Now will you get your small, perfect ass out of bed and get over here?! Allison and I are going through withdrawals!” Brad cries, and Kris can tell there’s a huge smile on his face. Brad is always smiling.
“Okay, first, my ass is not perfect. And I would appreciate it if you stopped checking me out. And second, I just saw you guys like, three days ago. How are you missing me already?” Kris asks, chuckling slightly at his crazy friends.
“Hmm… alright. Let’s see. First of all, yes, your ass is perfect. And no, I will not stop checking you out. So you’d better get used to the ass remarks, bitch. Second of all, are we not allowed to miss you? It’s not our fault you’re so gosh darn amazing,” Brad replies. Kris can hear Allison laughing in the background again. He smiles.
“Fine. See what I do for you two?” Kris exaggerates a sigh. “I’ll be over there in a bit.”
“YAY!” Brad and Allison squeal. Kris laughs, shaking his head before hanging up.
Kris saunters over to his dresser, quickly throws together an outfit and walks into the bathroom to shower. He’s happy to be getting out of the house and hanging out with his friends. Ever since Kris had fought with Ben a year ago, he had become super close with Brad and had regained his close-knit friendship with Allison. The trio had hung out at least once a week, and it was nice because Adam had become distant. Kris understood. Of course he did. Adam had gone through a huge ordeal and he didn’t have anybody to talk to. Kris had tried plenty of times, but Adam just wouldn’t open up. Kris tried not to push him but it was frustrating watching someone he really cared about deal with everything on their own.
Kris showers, gets dressed, grabs his car keys, his cell phone and his wallet and heads out the door. He contemplates calling Adam and asking him if he’d like to come to Brad’s place but decides against it. Adam and Brad hadn’t really spoken in a while and Kris doesn’t want to make the situation worse between them.
Kris arrives at Brad’s apartment building a short time later, parks the car, buzzes up to Brad’s apartment, and endures the elevator ride to the 21st floor. As soon as the elevator doors slide open at Kris’s destination, there’s Allison, grinning wildly like she’s been waiting there for an hour. Kris jumps back, not expecting to see her there on the other side of the door.
“Holy crap! Allie, what the hell?” Kris gasps, clutching his chest like he’d just had a heart attack. Allison laughs but doesn’t respond. Instead she grabs Kris’s arm and pulls him out of the elevator, not letting go until they reach Brad’s door. She flings the door open like it’s her own place (which it kind of is) and walks inside, holding the door for Kris to enter.
“Thanks,” Kris mumbles. Allison shuts the door behind him far too quickly and locks it, a devious look on her face. “Um, what’s going on?” Kris asks. Allison’s behaviour is just a bit strange. Even for her. And Brad and Allison are practically the definition of strange.
“Take a seat, Kristopher,” Brad chimes in from the sunken living room. He’s sitting in an armchair, his legs crossed. He’s wearing one of those big housecoat type things that you’d always assume a rich, fabulous snob would wear. He’s got a pipe in his hand and he’s holding it close to his mouth like he might actually consider smoking it. Of course, he doesn’t. Kris laughs, not understanding the get-up.
“What the hell are you guys up to?” Kris asks in between giggles. He walks down the little steps into the living room and takes a seat on the couch adjacent to Brad. Brad just looks at him. No, glares at him. Kris thinks he’s stepped into an alternate universe.
“This is for your own good, Kris,” Allison says as she takes a seat on the other end of the couch. “You’ll thank us later.”
“What?” Kris breathes, seriously not understanding. “Okay, Brad, where’s your stash? Don’t you know it’s illegal to give kids crack?”
“We are not on crack, young man,” Brad says in this insanely bad British accent. “We are helping you, you see.”
“Stop it! You guys are seriously giving me the creeps!” Kris laughs. “I don’t need any help.”
“Like hell you don’t,” Allison grins.
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Kris narrows his eyes at Allison, and she just shrugs like he has to figure it out for himself.
“Listen, child, you’re obviously in a dilemma. And we, as your chums, would like very much to help you. This is an intervention of sorts. You need to open your eyes and understand what is going on around you. You are oblivious,” Brad says in that stupid British accent.
“What? I’m not an addict, you freak! What do I need an intervention for?” Kris asks, outraged and confused and frustrated.
“A love intervention. Your love life seriously sucks,” Brad replies, breaking out of his little “British snob” skit to stare sassily at Kris.
“My love life? What love life?” Kris laughs. “I don’t have a love life. Nor do I need one.”
“That’s exactly our point! Trust me, Kris, you want it. And you need it. You just won’t admit it,” Allison interjects with a smirk.
Kris sits there silent for a second just letting his friends’ words digest. He really doesn’t think too much about his love life, or lack thereof, because he just doesn’t feel as though he needs one. He’s got pretty much all he wants in his life right now and he doesn’t really want to be dating. Especially when Adam’s going through something so terrible. He just wants to be there for Adam, first and foremost.
“I don’t want to date. Seriously, guys. All I want is to be there for Adam. He’s having a rough time and I just want to be the best friend I can be,” Kris explains, hoping that this will be enough for his friends to just lay off. However, this just fuels their argument even more.
“Aha!” Brad cries, pointing his finger in the air. “We caught you, Kristopher.”
“Seriously, what the freaking hell are you going on about?” Kris asks angrily.
“How can we be clearer?” Allison groans. “Kris. Want. Adam. Adam. Staying. Away. Kris. Adam. Love life. Nada,” Allison elaborates, using hand gestures and talking slowly like she’s speaking to someone that’s not all there.
“Really? That’s what this is about? You think I want to be with Adam?” Kris lets out a little laugh, because, come on, that’s just ridiculous.
“Well duh!” Allison rolls her eyes.
“Yeah. I mean, you’re not exactly being subtle about it,” Brad points out. Kris is sort of glad because he’s seemed to have dropped the British millionaire act he was putting on earlier. Whatever that was about…
“Being subtle about what?! Look, I don’t know how to convince you, but I don’t have feelings for Adam!” Kris replies defensively.
“Just stop arguing, alright? Allie and I think you need to do something about it because we really, really don’t want to see you two alone forever. So you’re going to plan something big, something thoughtful and amazing and you’re going to sweep him off his feet and he’s going to forget who that asshat Ben ever was. Got it?” Brad demands, cocking an eyebrow at Kris sternly.
“Uh-” Kris begins, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Just shut it and do what I say. I’m the one with a PhD in Loooove,” Brad wiggles his hips slightly in his seat, grinning wildly at Allison. She giggles.
“The doctor has spoken! Now, out with you!” Allison says, grabbing Kris’s arm once again and dragging him towards the door. She unlocks it, opens it just wide enough for Kris to squeeze through, and then pushes him through it. She gives him a look and smiles slightly.
“Good luck,” she whispers before slamming the door in his face. Kris is left there wondering what the hell is going on and what the hell they expect him to do. They want him to be romantic? Kris isn’t sure if he can do that. Sure, he’d had his romantic moments with Katy, but that was Katy. Someone he’d known for a good portion of his life and someone that he’d loved. Love. Now that he thinks about it, maybe love isn’t such a bad word for what he feels for Adam. Kris always gets butterflies whenever Adam is around and he can’t go a day without thinking constantly about Adam. It kind of freaks Kris out, the realization of his feelings.
Kris slumps into the elevator, wondering what he’s going to do. He has to make Adam trust him. That’s the most important part. He has to just put everything on the table, all those feelings and thoughts and just hope that Adam will reciprocate them. He has to do something amazing, something that Adam will never forget. And that’s when it hits him. He has the perfect idea.
The rest of the day Kris does everything he can to put the plan in motion. He makes lots of calls and, actually, everything seems to be in place. He goes to sleep that night feeling, for the first time in a while, hopeful. Feeling like tomorrow will be a good day.
Kris wakes up early the next morning. 8:36am. He gets out of bed and does his usual morning routine. He leaves the house at 9:30 and heads to one of the places that he had contacted the day prior. He picks up what he needs and as he’s driving home, he thinks of Adam. He knows he has to see him. It’s been almost a week. Kris grabs his cell phone and presses 1 on his speed dial list. He hears ringing on the other end and, finally, Adam’s sleepy voice.
“Hello?” Adam mumbles. Kris takes it that he’s woken Adam up. Not much of a surprise considering Adam’s lazy. Kris chuckles.
“Hey, you!” Kris replies, maybe a little too cheerfully for someone who’s just waking up to have to hear.
“Hi,” Adam says. “How are you?”
“I’m great. Up for some company? I can make you breakfast,” Kris coaxes.
“Uh…” Adam starts, and Kris hears some rustling on the other end before Adam’s voice returns. “Sure.”
“Great,” Kris grins. “I’ll see you in a few.”
Kris drives to Adam’s place, a giddy, excited feeling in his gut. He finally reaches Adam’s condo, parks, and dashes towards Adam’s door as fast as he can. He knocks and waits a few minutes before Adam, bed head and all, answers the door.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Kris giggles, taking in Adam’s rumpled appearance. It truly is a sight. He’s only seen Adam like this a few times before.
“Yeah, yeah. ‘Morning,” Adam gives Kris a fake little smirk. Kris smiles back widely. Adam’s grin gets bigger and then Kris is pushing his way inside Adam’s place. The house is kind of a disaster but that’s not much of a surprise considering Adam hates cleaning. Usually whenever Kris visits he does Adam’s tidying for him. But Kris hadn’t been to Adam’s in a week, so the mess had started accumulating again. Kris knows what he’ll be doing all day…
“Why don’t you go have a shower and get dressed? I’ll make you breakfast and then I can do some cleaning. How does that sound?” Kris asks, picking up a blanket that was strewn messily across the couch and folding it neatly. Kris kind of feels like Adam’s housewife doing all of his chores all the time. Kris is ashamed to say it doesn’t feel so bad.
“Okay,” Adam nods in agreement. “Thanks.”
“Anytime. You know that,” Kris replies, giving Adam one final smile before going into the laundry room to put the blanket away in the linen closet. When Kris goes back into the living room, Adam isn’t there. Kris knows Adam listened and is in the shower. He feels good about that.
Kris makes Adam a few strips of bacon, eggs, and a pancake for breakfast. It smells delicious and as Kris is making it he kind of regrets not making anything for himself. But Adam is his main priority and Kris decides that he can worry about himself later. Kris finishes Adam’s breakfast and puts it on a plate and in the microwave. It’s their system. Adam always takes a little bit too long getting ready and Kris is always finished breakfast before Adam’s done. So Kris sticks the food in the microwave and Adam heats it up for a few minutes when he finally finishes his morning routine. Kris realizes that they’re so much like a married couple its sick.
Kris finishes tidying up the living room when Adam finally emerges from upstairs. It’s like night and day. His appearance earlier had been completely unlike Adam. Messy and unkempt and untidy. Now Adam looks like his normal self. Gorgeous and put together and fabulous. Kris finds it kind of pathetic that he’s so in love with Adam. He hadn’t realized the weight of his feelings until last night but now it seems so right and so real and it’s really scary.
By the time Kris finishes cleaning Adam’s entire house it’s almost 1 o’clock. Adam’s sitting on the couch lazily watching TV, his laptop sitting on the cushion beside him. Kris feels his heart pang. Adam never used to be like this. The person that just sits around all day uselessly. Adam used to be productive and liked to get out and do things and make the most of the day. But now he just didn’t care. It hurt Kris to see all these changes in Adam. It isn’t right that such a wonderful person could be so affected by a situation. It isn’t fair.
“Hey. I’m all finished,” Kris announces as he enters the living room. Adam doesn’t turn around to acknowledge him.
“Okay, cool. Thanks again,” Adam says absently. Kris sighs and sits down on the couch on the opposite end of Adam, Adam’s laptop in between them. Adam looks over at Kris, his eyebrows furrowed. Kris crosses his legs and turns sideways to face Adam, scooting closer to the laptop. Closer to Adam.
“So… I have something for you,” Kris starts, a small smile on his lips.
“Oh yeah?” Adam asks hesitantly. His eyebrows knit even more.
“Yeah. I think you’ll like it,” Kris grins, lifting one butt cheek off the couch to dig into his back pocket. He finds the white envelope stashed there and pulls it out. He hands it to Adam. “There. Open it.”
Adam looks at the envelope like there’s a bomb in it or something. Like he doesn’t trust that whatever’s inside there is harmless. He stares at the envelope for a minute or so before he finally opens it. He pulls out the piece of paper that’s inside and scans over the words quickly. Then, he looks up at Kris, confusion all over his face.
“What is this?” Adam asks. Adam had read the paper and the description was clearly on there, but Kris thinks that maybe he just needs to hear it out loud. Maybe he just needs confirmation.
“I booked us a week-long trip to Maui!” Kris grins. “I know it might sound crazy but this place is really bringing you down. I know it is. You need to get away. You haven’t been on vacation for… since tour! That was, like, a year and a half ago! Seriously, dude, you need out. And I just thought that I’d surprise you and we could both go to Hawaii and just have a good time. What do you say?”
“I…” Adam begins, looking down at his hands in his lap. “I don’t know. I don’t think I can…”
“Look, Adam, I can’t even imagine what it’s like. I know I can’t. But you have to get out of this house eventually. You’ve just been hiding yourself in here for months. You barely talk to your friends anymore and I just think you need a vacation. It’s Hawaii. What more could you ask for?” Kris says, snorting at the horrible catch phrase he somehow managed to throw in there. Adam smiles slightly but still looks unsure.
“But…” Adam mutters.
“No buts! You need it. I know you want to go. You’re just trying to find any excuse not to and you won’t. I’ll force you to go,” Kris chuckles. “I promise you you’ll have fun. It’ll be my mission over there to make sure you enjoy yourself. Okay?”
“I… uh… fine. Okay,” Adam smiles at Kris, and for the first time in a year, there’s life in Adam’s eyes. Kris grins back because he has a feeling - sure, it’s a small one, but it’s still a feeling, a hunch, whatever - that this trip will be the best thing for the both of them.
***
Kris and Adam walk out of the Kahului Airport in Maui, small smiles on their faces. It’s a beautiful summer day, a very light breeze circulating around them. It’s sunny and not too warm, just the way Kris likes it. He looks over at Adam and can’t help but feel even more important than he’s ever felt. Just being beside Adam in his big sunglasses, black v-neck and tight black jeans makes Kris feel like he can do anything. He feels big and strong and invincible and he isn’t sure why but it doesn’t matter because he really just likes the feeling. Adam looks down at him and Kris flashes him a big, toothy grin. Adam laughs and gives him a gorgeous smile back. Kris knows then that he loves this guy way too much.
The guys find the car that Kris had arranged to pick them up and are whisked away to a beautiful beach resort where Kris had booked a suite for them to stay in. It’s an extravagant place with two bedrooms and bathrooms, a living room, kitchenette and a private lanai. Their suite is right on the water and Kris can’t believe how beautiful his surroundings are. Once they finish inspecting the suite, Adam approaches Kris, his eyebrows raised curiously.
“What?” Kris asks, smirking slightly at Adam.
“How could you spend so much money? You know we could have done with a basic hotel room. I wouldn’t have minded,” Adam chided, waging a finger at Kris.
“Oh, relax. Really, it’s fine. If we’re coming to Maui we’re going all out. That’s all I have to say on the subject,” Kris replies.
“I feel bad, though. Let me pay for the suite. You paid for everything else,” Adam bargains.
“Don’t worry about it. I dragged you out here so it’s only fair that I pay,” Kris says.
“Just let me-”
“Stop it, Adam!” Kris laughs. “Don’t worry about the suite, okay? If you really want to, consider it an early birthday present. Now what do you say we get out of this room and check out the resort?”
And so the boys go and check out the resort. Along with their big, burly bodyguards, Dave and Mike, Kris and Adam walk along the water and look at all the cool things they can do at the resort and it’s the most fun Kris has had in a while. They take pictures of anything and everything because Maui is just so beautiful. Their resort has so much to do and Kris wonders how they’ll ever find time to do everything.
After walking around the resort for an hour or so, Adam decides that he’s hungry. Kris can’t agree more and Adam decides that they’ll go back to the restaurant in the resort and get some food to take back to their room so that they won’t be interrupted during dinner. Kris gets a floating feeling in his chest at Adam’s suggestion to get some alone time. It’s probably dense of Kris to assume that something will happen during dinner or that Adam’s trying to set something up but Kris can’t help it. It’s hard not to get carried away when you’re in the presence of Adam Lambert.
They get to the restaurant and order their favourite meals and appetizers. They go all out and probably ask for more than they could eat, but that doesn’t matter because they are willing to share with their bodyguards. Once their food is ready a short while later they take it to their suite and sit down to eat in their kitchenette.
“So, what do you think of Maui so far? I know all we’ve seen is the resort but it’s awesome, right?” Kris asks.
“It’s gorgeous. Thank you for dragging my pasty ass down here. Really. You were right, I needed out of L.A. It’s nice to just… relax, you know?” Adam smiles thoughtfully at Kris and Kris smiles back without even realizing.
“You’re welcome. Thanks for indulging me and coming even though you thought I was being a total bonehead,” Kris laughs.
“You caught on to that?” Adam giggles. “I really wasn’t trying to be rude. I just… I didn’t know what you were trying to do. Like, who asks their friends to go on vacation these days?”
“Plenty of people!” Kris defends. “You obviously don’t have very good friends.”
“Clearly,” Adam smirks.
They finish their dinner amidst plenty of back and forth bantering. Kris feels all cozy inside because things really do seem to be getting back to normal with him and Adam. Kris realizes that it’ll take a while for things to be completely great between them but he doesn’t care. He just wants to sit on the couch with Adam and watch some TV until they both can’t keep their eyes open and then hug him good night and go to bed smiling, knowing that in the morning he’ll wake up to another day full of adventures and surprises.
Kris and Adam do just as Kris had wanted. They happen to catch Wipeout on one of the satellite channels and they sit there, thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder, side to side on the couch giggling at all of the contestants bashing their faces off shit and by the time the show’s over, Kris has a serious stomach ache from laughing so hard. They go to bed a short while later, Kris giving Adam that good night hug. Kris enters his bedroom, shuts off the light and snuggles into the blanket. He hates the fact that the hotel tucks his frigging blanket in so goddamn tightly and kicks his feet wildly, trying to set the blanket free. He succeeds only slightly but he’s so tuckered out that he just gives up. He falls asleep.
***
The next morning Kris wakes up at 10:30. He stretches out his arms and wiggles his toes (miraculously the blanket isn’t tucked anymore. YES!) and hops out of bed. He opens up his bedroom door that connects to the living room of the suite and fully expects the room to be empty. But there’s Adam sitting on the couch with a plate in his lap, eating his breakfast and watching the TV intently.
Kris tries to enter the living room quietly, but somehow Adam hears him padding over and looks away from the TV. He flashes Kris those brilliant pearly whites and Kris stops walking because he kind of forgets where he was going and what he was doing.
“Good morning,” Adam says, that blinding grin still on his face. He pats the cushion next to him on the couch and it’s a miracle Kris is able to shuffle over and sit beside him. “How’d you sleep?”
“Great,” Kris replies, examining Adam’s face, checking for bags under his eyes. Kris wonders if Adam had slept at all. It isn’t like Adam to be up this early.
“Before you ask, yes I did get some sleep. I just happened to order a thing called a wake up call so I wouldn’t waste the afternoon sleeping,” Adam verifies. Kris wonders how Adam can read his mind like a freaking book.
“Ah. Very smart,” Kris nods in approval. He looks down at the plate in Adam’s lap. Pancakes, scrambled eggs and a couple of strips of bacon. “Where’d ya get the food?”
“I got Dave to pick it up. There’s a bunch of other stuff in the kitchen if you want to grab something. I wasn’t sure what you wanted so I ordered it all,” Adam says.
“Thanks.” Kris gives Adam a big smile and then goes off to find himself some food.
They finish breakfast half an hour later and by the time the boys are finished getting ready to go out it’s almost noon. Adam, by some miracle, decides that he doesn’t want to cake on the makeup today and Kris is grateful because, even though he loves the guy, he really doesn’t want to spend the majority of his morning in the suite waiting for Adam to put on his face when he could be outside exploring Maui.
Kris and Adam meet Dave and Mike outside and they hop in a car already waiting. They go to a few beaches and take a ride on a small boat, just the two of them. Dave and Mike pick up some food for them and they set up camp on one of the beaches, making lunch together. They do and see so much and the beauty is kind of overwhelming. By the time they’ve finished exploring and it’s time to go back to the resort, Kris is exhausted. Adam says he’s tired too. They get into their suite and Adam suggests that they sit on the lanai for a bit, just to come down from the high of the day.
“I can’t believe how beautiful it is here,” Adam says, staring out at the water. He looks back at Kris and smiles brightly. Kris feels his heart drop into his stomach.
“Yeah. Really beautiful,” Kris mumbles. Adam looks away from Kris and back to the beautiful scenery around them.
“You know, I never thought that I’d be able to…” Adam starts. He shakes his head. He looks like he doesn’t want to finish the thought.
“Able to what…?” Kris pries.
“I don’t know. I guess it’s just… I never thought I’d come out of that rut, you know? I was just stuck in this dark hole after everything and I… I never thought that things could get better. But they kind of feel like they are,” Adam says. He looks into Kris’s eyes and Kris can see hope and happiness shining through them. Kris can’t help but smile because, really, it had been way too long since he had last seen that look in Adam’s eyes.
“You know you can always talk to me. I know I say that all the time but maybe talking will help. Or maybe you could, like, see a therapist or something. Now before you jump down my throat about that and say that you don’t have any problems, let me finish. No, you definitely don’t have any problems, but I just think that you need to be able to talk. And maybe it’s not good enough to talk to me. Maybe you need to talk to someone that really understands and can really help you get some closure. I think you really should at least give it a shot. I just want you to be happy, Adam. That’s all I’ve ever wanted and I think having an outlet could bring back the old you.”
After he says it, Kris isn’t sure where that speech came from. He’s not sure why he suddenly felt compelled to give Adam a motivational pep talk or why he felt like it was necessary for him to tell Adam what to do, but he just… he had to. This was really the first time Adam had even mentioned the Ben incident to Kris. Kris felt good knowing that Adam could confine in him at least a little. Now all Adam needed was a way to just get it all out and move on.
“You’re probably right,” Adam sighs. “It’s just… I already feel like enough of a failure as it is. Therapy will just make me feel like even more of a nut job.”
“You’re not a nut job. Or a failure. And besides, it’s not weird to go to therapy. If it makes you feel better, I can go too. I probably have some unresolved issues I should talk about,” Kris says.
“Really? You’d do that for me?” Adam asks quietly. His eyes are wide and he looks like he’s just gotten the breath knocked out of him. Kris doesn’t know if this is a bad sign or a good sign but no matter the case, he has to be honest.
“Of course I would. You have to know that I’d do pretty much anything for you,” Kris replies. Adam takes a deep breath and swallows so hard that Kris can hear the gulping sound. Suddenly, Kris has goose bumps.
“I know…” Adam says after a few moments of silence. “I really don’t think I can thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. You’ve done so much and… you’re just the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”
Kris can see the sincerity in Adam’s eyes. Kris looks down at Adam’s hands bunched up in his lap and Kris suddenly feels the urge to grab them. Tentatively, Kris puts his hand over top of Adam’s. Kris looks up to see Adam’s reaction, and it’s not the one he had been expecting. Adam has a small, sweet smile on his face and all of a sudden Kris’s hands are sandwiched in between Adam’s. Kris’s hands feel small and delicate inside Adam’s. Kris likes feeling so protected.
“Adam… I… there’s something I have to tell you,” Kris starts, biting his lip. Adam’s still got that innocent smile on his face and Kris can feel butterflies filling up his stomach.
“Okay,” Adam nods. He scoots closer to Kris in his chair and he’s still holding onto Kris’s hands. Kris takes a deep breath because he’s afraid he might faint. This is all seriously overwhelming.
“Okay, well… uh… you know, ever since we started hanging out again things haven’t really been the same for me. I mean, before it was like… it was just a friendship. A really strong, amazing friendship. But then shit happened and I lost you and when you came back I saw you differently. And I kept trying to tell myself that I didn’t and that I was just going crazy because things were screwed up with Katy. But that’s not really an excuse now. Because I’ve solved everything with Katy and I still feel differently about you. I see you as this amazing, perfect guy. Not just a perfect guy, but the perfect guy. The perfect guy for me. And I know that this is probably way freaky for you because, like, everything just got messed up and now all of a sudden you have your best friend hitting on you and… yikes! It sounds even worse now that I say it out loud but it’s just… I can’t help it, damnit! You’re too perfect. And I hate it. But the only reason I hate it so much is because every single second I’m around you I fall even harder for you. Oh my god, that sounded so corny. I’m sorry. Do you want me to go to bed now and leave you alone? Because I totally can.”
Once Kris finishes rambling, he looks at Adam, fully expecting him to kick Kris in the groin and run away yelling or something, but he doesn’t. Instead Adam just starts giggling. He’s sitting there, holding onto Kris’s hands, giggling. He flings his head back and the giggles turn into full-on laughter. He’s sitting there for a good five minutes just laughing and Kris honestly believes that Adam has officially gone insane.
“What’s so funny?” Kris demands once Adam’s finally calmed down. Adam wipes away some tears from his eyes and sighs deeply.
“Oh, man. You’re so funny when you’re nervous,” Adam replies. “And adorable.”
“It’s not funny. Or adorable. It’s freaking embarrassing. I can’t believe you’re not pepper spraying me right now,” Kris groans, taking one of his hands away from Adam to throw it over his face in shame. Adam giggles and grabs Kris’s escaped hand, bringing it back in between his own.
“Pepper spray you? Not when you’re being so goddamn cute! Look, you’re even blushing!” Adam cries.
“I am not!” Kris says, the pink on his cheeks deepening.
“You are! It’s getting worse. Oh Kris! You look like a teenage school girl!” Adam giggles.
“Stop making fun of me, you jerk. I’m already shitting bricks about this and you’re not making it any better,” Kris mutters.
“Okay, I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m being a jerk,” Adam replies. Suddenly he’s got a very serious look in his eyes and Kris wishes he were laughing again. He feels nervous and itchy and sweaty and he really doesn’t want to make an ass of himself again.
“You could never be a jerk, Adam. It’s just kind of scary finally saying all that stuff after a year of holding it back,” Kris says quietly.
“I guess I just don’t know what to say. This is probably the first time in my life I’ve ever been speechless.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I just needed you to know how I feel and if you don’t feel that way too, that’s okay. I get it,” Kris mumbles.
“But that’s not the way it is at all. I’ve had a major thing for you since the first moment I laid eyes on you. How could you not know that?” Adam asks.
“I… I don’t know,” Kris mutters.
“Well, I did. And I still do. I think you’re the most incredible person in the world and I just admire the hell out of you. Not to mention that you’re super adorable and nice and funny and did I mention that you’re cute? Because, really, you’re probably the cutest guy I’ve ever seen. I’ve had a major crush on you forever but I guess I just left it at that - a crush. A harmless little crush that’ll never go anywhere. But now that you’re saying all these things that I’ve been imagining you saying for the longest time it’s really just surreal. It feels like I’m dreaming. And you have to know that I want this, have wanted this for so long. But right now, I don’t know if I’m ready, you know? I’m screwed up and I’m scared and you don’t want all of that. But I know that eventually, when I’m ready for a relationship, you’re the one I want it to be with. It’s probably not fair of me to ask you to wait for me but I’m selfish so I’ll do it anyway. Will you help me get over everything and stand by me until I’m ready to commit? Because you deserve to have the best of me and I can’t give it to you right now. But soon, I promise I’ll be ready.”
Hearing those words come from Adam’s lips is the greatest thing Kris has ever heard in his whole life. And seeing Adam smile at him like that, knowing that smile is just for him and him only is the greatest thing Kris has ever seen in his whole life. And then feeling Adam’s hands grabbing onto his own, Adam’s thumbs stroking the tops of his hands is the greatest thing Kris has ever felt in his whole life. Kris isn’t sure there’s anything better in the world than this. Than just him and Adam and words and smiles and touches. Kris knows that this is what it feels like to be really, truly happy.
“Adam, you don’t even have to ask me to wait for you. I’d wait forever for you. I know that’s really cheesy but-”
“No. No, it’s not cheesy. It’s perfect. You’re perfect,” Adam smiles.
“Okay, now this is cheesy,” Kris giggles.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Adam laughs.
But it’s those cheesy moments, those moments when they’re looking into each other’s eyes and it’s like a movie that Kris will cherish forever. Those moments that he’ll just wish he could take pictures of and put them in a scrapbook to remember forever because this is what it means to be complete. This is what it means to be in love. This is what it means to be the luckiest guy on earth. This is what happens when you take a gamble, when you put your heart out there and trust that he won’t break it, that he won’t break you, and it all works out. This is what happens when you tell yourself, “It’s all or nothing”, risk everything, and end up taking home the jackpot.
Author: totallytamara
Rating: PG-13. Some language.
Disclaimer: I don’t know any of the people portrayed in this story, therefore I don’t own them, either. This wasn’t written in the spirit of offending anyone, it was written for the sake of creativity. I’m not making any money from this; it’s just for fun!
Summary: This is what happens when you tell yourself, “It’s all or nothing”, risk everything, and end up taking home the jackpot.
Notes: Okay so I’m terribly sorry that this took forever and a day to post. This chapter has caused me a busload of problems for some reason. I’ve re-written parts like five times and I think that right now it’s as good as its going to get. Haha! This is longer than most chapters and is the final part so I really hope you guys like it. I just want to thank you all once again for all of the amazing comments that you’ve given me throughout this entire story. They mean so much to me. Thank you a million times over! Enjoy!
Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 , Part 8 , Part 9 , Part 10 , Part 11
Kris wakes up to his phone ringing persistently in his ear. He groans, unsure of the time yet knowing that it’s too early for him to be getting up. He stretches his arm out and starts grabbing for his phone. When he finally finds it, he flips it open, sighing loudly into the receiver.
“Hello?” Kris grunts, trying to sit up.
“Are you asleep?!” a loud, colourful voice that Kris immediately recognizes as Brad’s asks incredulously.
“I was. What time is it?” Kris replies, rubbing his eyes.
“It’s almost 1:30. What are you doing sleeping in, mister? You never sleep in!” Brad says, and Kris can hear giggling in the background. Clearly Allison is with him. Not like that’s much of a shocker.
“Can’t I just have a lazy day? I never get to do this,” Kris says. “And why are you calling me now, anyway? Your incessant pestering doesn’t usually begin until later in the day.”
“Pestering? Oh, pish posh. I do not pester. I just… excite. That’s it. I excite people. Now will you get your small, perfect ass out of bed and get over here?! Allison and I are going through withdrawals!” Brad cries, and Kris can tell there’s a huge smile on his face. Brad is always smiling.
“Okay, first, my ass is not perfect. And I would appreciate it if you stopped checking me out. And second, I just saw you guys like, three days ago. How are you missing me already?” Kris asks, chuckling slightly at his crazy friends.
“Hmm… alright. Let’s see. First of all, yes, your ass is perfect. And no, I will not stop checking you out. So you’d better get used to the ass remarks, bitch. Second of all, are we not allowed to miss you? It’s not our fault you’re so gosh darn amazing,” Brad replies. Kris can hear Allison laughing in the background again. He smiles.
“Fine. See what I do for you two?” Kris exaggerates a sigh. “I’ll be over there in a bit.”
“YAY!” Brad and Allison squeal. Kris laughs, shaking his head before hanging up.
Kris saunters over to his dresser, quickly throws together an outfit and walks into the bathroom to shower. He’s happy to be getting out of the house and hanging out with his friends. Ever since Kris had fought with Ben a year ago, he had become super close with Brad and had regained his close-knit friendship with Allison. The trio had hung out at least once a week, and it was nice because Adam had become distant. Kris understood. Of course he did. Adam had gone through a huge ordeal and he didn’t have anybody to talk to. Kris had tried plenty of times, but Adam just wouldn’t open up. Kris tried not to push him but it was frustrating watching someone he really cared about deal with everything on their own.
Kris showers, gets dressed, grabs his car keys, his cell phone and his wallet and heads out the door. He contemplates calling Adam and asking him if he’d like to come to Brad’s place but decides against it. Adam and Brad hadn’t really spoken in a while and Kris doesn’t want to make the situation worse between them.
Kris arrives at Brad’s apartment building a short time later, parks the car, buzzes up to Brad’s apartment, and endures the elevator ride to the 21st floor. As soon as the elevator doors slide open at Kris’s destination, there’s Allison, grinning wildly like she’s been waiting there for an hour. Kris jumps back, not expecting to see her there on the other side of the door.
“Holy crap! Allie, what the hell?” Kris gasps, clutching his chest like he’d just had a heart attack. Allison laughs but doesn’t respond. Instead she grabs Kris’s arm and pulls him out of the elevator, not letting go until they reach Brad’s door. She flings the door open like it’s her own place (which it kind of is) and walks inside, holding the door for Kris to enter.
“Thanks,” Kris mumbles. Allison shuts the door behind him far too quickly and locks it, a devious look on her face. “Um, what’s going on?” Kris asks. Allison’s behaviour is just a bit strange. Even for her. And Brad and Allison are practically the definition of strange.
“Take a seat, Kristopher,” Brad chimes in from the sunken living room. He’s sitting in an armchair, his legs crossed. He’s wearing one of those big housecoat type things that you’d always assume a rich, fabulous snob would wear. He’s got a pipe in his hand and he’s holding it close to his mouth like he might actually consider smoking it. Of course, he doesn’t. Kris laughs, not understanding the get-up.
“What the hell are you guys up to?” Kris asks in between giggles. He walks down the little steps into the living room and takes a seat on the couch adjacent to Brad. Brad just looks at him. No, glares at him. Kris thinks he’s stepped into an alternate universe.
“This is for your own good, Kris,” Allison says as she takes a seat on the other end of the couch. “You’ll thank us later.”
“What?” Kris breathes, seriously not understanding. “Okay, Brad, where’s your stash? Don’t you know it’s illegal to give kids crack?”
“We are not on crack, young man,” Brad says in this insanely bad British accent. “We are helping you, you see.”
“Stop it! You guys are seriously giving me the creeps!” Kris laughs. “I don’t need any help.”
“Like hell you don’t,” Allison grins.
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Kris narrows his eyes at Allison, and she just shrugs like he has to figure it out for himself.
“Listen, child, you’re obviously in a dilemma. And we, as your chums, would like very much to help you. This is an intervention of sorts. You need to open your eyes and understand what is going on around you. You are oblivious,” Brad says in that stupid British accent.
“What? I’m not an addict, you freak! What do I need an intervention for?” Kris asks, outraged and confused and frustrated.
“A love intervention. Your love life seriously sucks,” Brad replies, breaking out of his little “British snob” skit to stare sassily at Kris.
“My love life? What love life?” Kris laughs. “I don’t have a love life. Nor do I need one.”
“That’s exactly our point! Trust me, Kris, you want it. And you need it. You just won’t admit it,” Allison interjects with a smirk.
Kris sits there silent for a second just letting his friends’ words digest. He really doesn’t think too much about his love life, or lack thereof, because he just doesn’t feel as though he needs one. He’s got pretty much all he wants in his life right now and he doesn’t really want to be dating. Especially when Adam’s going through something so terrible. He just wants to be there for Adam, first and foremost.
“I don’t want to date. Seriously, guys. All I want is to be there for Adam. He’s having a rough time and I just want to be the best friend I can be,” Kris explains, hoping that this will be enough for his friends to just lay off. However, this just fuels their argument even more.
“Aha!” Brad cries, pointing his finger in the air. “We caught you, Kristopher.”
“Seriously, what the freaking hell are you going on about?” Kris asks angrily.
“How can we be clearer?” Allison groans. “Kris. Want. Adam. Adam. Staying. Away. Kris. Adam. Love life. Nada,” Allison elaborates, using hand gestures and talking slowly like she’s speaking to someone that’s not all there.
“Really? That’s what this is about? You think I want to be with Adam?” Kris lets out a little laugh, because, come on, that’s just ridiculous.
“Well duh!” Allison rolls her eyes.
“Yeah. I mean, you’re not exactly being subtle about it,” Brad points out. Kris is sort of glad because he’s seemed to have dropped the British millionaire act he was putting on earlier. Whatever that was about…
“Being subtle about what?! Look, I don’t know how to convince you, but I don’t have feelings for Adam!” Kris replies defensively.
“Just stop arguing, alright? Allie and I think you need to do something about it because we really, really don’t want to see you two alone forever. So you’re going to plan something big, something thoughtful and amazing and you’re going to sweep him off his feet and he’s going to forget who that asshat Ben ever was. Got it?” Brad demands, cocking an eyebrow at Kris sternly.
“Uh-” Kris begins, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Just shut it and do what I say. I’m the one with a PhD in Loooove,” Brad wiggles his hips slightly in his seat, grinning wildly at Allison. She giggles.
“The doctor has spoken! Now, out with you!” Allison says, grabbing Kris’s arm once again and dragging him towards the door. She unlocks it, opens it just wide enough for Kris to squeeze through, and then pushes him through it. She gives him a look and smiles slightly.
“Good luck,” she whispers before slamming the door in his face. Kris is left there wondering what the hell is going on and what the hell they expect him to do. They want him to be romantic? Kris isn’t sure if he can do that. Sure, he’d had his romantic moments with Katy, but that was Katy. Someone he’d known for a good portion of his life and someone that he’d loved. Love. Now that he thinks about it, maybe love isn’t such a bad word for what he feels for Adam. Kris always gets butterflies whenever Adam is around and he can’t go a day without thinking constantly about Adam. It kind of freaks Kris out, the realization of his feelings.
Kris slumps into the elevator, wondering what he’s going to do. He has to make Adam trust him. That’s the most important part. He has to just put everything on the table, all those feelings and thoughts and just hope that Adam will reciprocate them. He has to do something amazing, something that Adam will never forget. And that’s when it hits him. He has the perfect idea.
The rest of the day Kris does everything he can to put the plan in motion. He makes lots of calls and, actually, everything seems to be in place. He goes to sleep that night feeling, for the first time in a while, hopeful. Feeling like tomorrow will be a good day.
Kris wakes up early the next morning. 8:36am. He gets out of bed and does his usual morning routine. He leaves the house at 9:30 and heads to one of the places that he had contacted the day prior. He picks up what he needs and as he’s driving home, he thinks of Adam. He knows he has to see him. It’s been almost a week. Kris grabs his cell phone and presses 1 on his speed dial list. He hears ringing on the other end and, finally, Adam’s sleepy voice.
“Hello?” Adam mumbles. Kris takes it that he’s woken Adam up. Not much of a surprise considering Adam’s lazy. Kris chuckles.
“Hey, you!” Kris replies, maybe a little too cheerfully for someone who’s just waking up to have to hear.
“Hi,” Adam says. “How are you?”
“I’m great. Up for some company? I can make you breakfast,” Kris coaxes.
“Uh…” Adam starts, and Kris hears some rustling on the other end before Adam’s voice returns. “Sure.”
“Great,” Kris grins. “I’ll see you in a few.”
Kris drives to Adam’s place, a giddy, excited feeling in his gut. He finally reaches Adam’s condo, parks, and dashes towards Adam’s door as fast as he can. He knocks and waits a few minutes before Adam, bed head and all, answers the door.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Kris giggles, taking in Adam’s rumpled appearance. It truly is a sight. He’s only seen Adam like this a few times before.
“Yeah, yeah. ‘Morning,” Adam gives Kris a fake little smirk. Kris smiles back widely. Adam’s grin gets bigger and then Kris is pushing his way inside Adam’s place. The house is kind of a disaster but that’s not much of a surprise considering Adam hates cleaning. Usually whenever Kris visits he does Adam’s tidying for him. But Kris hadn’t been to Adam’s in a week, so the mess had started accumulating again. Kris knows what he’ll be doing all day…
“Why don’t you go have a shower and get dressed? I’ll make you breakfast and then I can do some cleaning. How does that sound?” Kris asks, picking up a blanket that was strewn messily across the couch and folding it neatly. Kris kind of feels like Adam’s housewife doing all of his chores all the time. Kris is ashamed to say it doesn’t feel so bad.
“Okay,” Adam nods in agreement. “Thanks.”
“Anytime. You know that,” Kris replies, giving Adam one final smile before going into the laundry room to put the blanket away in the linen closet. When Kris goes back into the living room, Adam isn’t there. Kris knows Adam listened and is in the shower. He feels good about that.
Kris makes Adam a few strips of bacon, eggs, and a pancake for breakfast. It smells delicious and as Kris is making it he kind of regrets not making anything for himself. But Adam is his main priority and Kris decides that he can worry about himself later. Kris finishes Adam’s breakfast and puts it on a plate and in the microwave. It’s their system. Adam always takes a little bit too long getting ready and Kris is always finished breakfast before Adam’s done. So Kris sticks the food in the microwave and Adam heats it up for a few minutes when he finally finishes his morning routine. Kris realizes that they’re so much like a married couple its sick.
Kris finishes tidying up the living room when Adam finally emerges from upstairs. It’s like night and day. His appearance earlier had been completely unlike Adam. Messy and unkempt and untidy. Now Adam looks like his normal self. Gorgeous and put together and fabulous. Kris finds it kind of pathetic that he’s so in love with Adam. He hadn’t realized the weight of his feelings until last night but now it seems so right and so real and it’s really scary.
By the time Kris finishes cleaning Adam’s entire house it’s almost 1 o’clock. Adam’s sitting on the couch lazily watching TV, his laptop sitting on the cushion beside him. Kris feels his heart pang. Adam never used to be like this. The person that just sits around all day uselessly. Adam used to be productive and liked to get out and do things and make the most of the day. But now he just didn’t care. It hurt Kris to see all these changes in Adam. It isn’t right that such a wonderful person could be so affected by a situation. It isn’t fair.
“Hey. I’m all finished,” Kris announces as he enters the living room. Adam doesn’t turn around to acknowledge him.
“Okay, cool. Thanks again,” Adam says absently. Kris sighs and sits down on the couch on the opposite end of Adam, Adam’s laptop in between them. Adam looks over at Kris, his eyebrows furrowed. Kris crosses his legs and turns sideways to face Adam, scooting closer to the laptop. Closer to Adam.
“So… I have something for you,” Kris starts, a small smile on his lips.
“Oh yeah?” Adam asks hesitantly. His eyebrows knit even more.
“Yeah. I think you’ll like it,” Kris grins, lifting one butt cheek off the couch to dig into his back pocket. He finds the white envelope stashed there and pulls it out. He hands it to Adam. “There. Open it.”
Adam looks at the envelope like there’s a bomb in it or something. Like he doesn’t trust that whatever’s inside there is harmless. He stares at the envelope for a minute or so before he finally opens it. He pulls out the piece of paper that’s inside and scans over the words quickly. Then, he looks up at Kris, confusion all over his face.
“What is this?” Adam asks. Adam had read the paper and the description was clearly on there, but Kris thinks that maybe he just needs to hear it out loud. Maybe he just needs confirmation.
“I booked us a week-long trip to Maui!” Kris grins. “I know it might sound crazy but this place is really bringing you down. I know it is. You need to get away. You haven’t been on vacation for… since tour! That was, like, a year and a half ago! Seriously, dude, you need out. And I just thought that I’d surprise you and we could both go to Hawaii and just have a good time. What do you say?”
“I…” Adam begins, looking down at his hands in his lap. “I don’t know. I don’t think I can…”
“Look, Adam, I can’t even imagine what it’s like. I know I can’t. But you have to get out of this house eventually. You’ve just been hiding yourself in here for months. You barely talk to your friends anymore and I just think you need a vacation. It’s Hawaii. What more could you ask for?” Kris says, snorting at the horrible catch phrase he somehow managed to throw in there. Adam smiles slightly but still looks unsure.
“But…” Adam mutters.
“No buts! You need it. I know you want to go. You’re just trying to find any excuse not to and you won’t. I’ll force you to go,” Kris chuckles. “I promise you you’ll have fun. It’ll be my mission over there to make sure you enjoy yourself. Okay?”
“I… uh… fine. Okay,” Adam smiles at Kris, and for the first time in a year, there’s life in Adam’s eyes. Kris grins back because he has a feeling - sure, it’s a small one, but it’s still a feeling, a hunch, whatever - that this trip will be the best thing for the both of them.
***
Kris and Adam walk out of the Kahului Airport in Maui, small smiles on their faces. It’s a beautiful summer day, a very light breeze circulating around them. It’s sunny and not too warm, just the way Kris likes it. He looks over at Adam and can’t help but feel even more important than he’s ever felt. Just being beside Adam in his big sunglasses, black v-neck and tight black jeans makes Kris feel like he can do anything. He feels big and strong and invincible and he isn’t sure why but it doesn’t matter because he really just likes the feeling. Adam looks down at him and Kris flashes him a big, toothy grin. Adam laughs and gives him a gorgeous smile back. Kris knows then that he loves this guy way too much.
The guys find the car that Kris had arranged to pick them up and are whisked away to a beautiful beach resort where Kris had booked a suite for them to stay in. It’s an extravagant place with two bedrooms and bathrooms, a living room, kitchenette and a private lanai. Their suite is right on the water and Kris can’t believe how beautiful his surroundings are. Once they finish inspecting the suite, Adam approaches Kris, his eyebrows raised curiously.
“What?” Kris asks, smirking slightly at Adam.
“How could you spend so much money? You know we could have done with a basic hotel room. I wouldn’t have minded,” Adam chided, waging a finger at Kris.
“Oh, relax. Really, it’s fine. If we’re coming to Maui we’re going all out. That’s all I have to say on the subject,” Kris replies.
“I feel bad, though. Let me pay for the suite. You paid for everything else,” Adam bargains.
“Don’t worry about it. I dragged you out here so it’s only fair that I pay,” Kris says.
“Just let me-”
“Stop it, Adam!” Kris laughs. “Don’t worry about the suite, okay? If you really want to, consider it an early birthday present. Now what do you say we get out of this room and check out the resort?”
And so the boys go and check out the resort. Along with their big, burly bodyguards, Dave and Mike, Kris and Adam walk along the water and look at all the cool things they can do at the resort and it’s the most fun Kris has had in a while. They take pictures of anything and everything because Maui is just so beautiful. Their resort has so much to do and Kris wonders how they’ll ever find time to do everything.
After walking around the resort for an hour or so, Adam decides that he’s hungry. Kris can’t agree more and Adam decides that they’ll go back to the restaurant in the resort and get some food to take back to their room so that they won’t be interrupted during dinner. Kris gets a floating feeling in his chest at Adam’s suggestion to get some alone time. It’s probably dense of Kris to assume that something will happen during dinner or that Adam’s trying to set something up but Kris can’t help it. It’s hard not to get carried away when you’re in the presence of Adam Lambert.
They get to the restaurant and order their favourite meals and appetizers. They go all out and probably ask for more than they could eat, but that doesn’t matter because they are willing to share with their bodyguards. Once their food is ready a short while later they take it to their suite and sit down to eat in their kitchenette.
“So, what do you think of Maui so far? I know all we’ve seen is the resort but it’s awesome, right?” Kris asks.
“It’s gorgeous. Thank you for dragging my pasty ass down here. Really. You were right, I needed out of L.A. It’s nice to just… relax, you know?” Adam smiles thoughtfully at Kris and Kris smiles back without even realizing.
“You’re welcome. Thanks for indulging me and coming even though you thought I was being a total bonehead,” Kris laughs.
“You caught on to that?” Adam giggles. “I really wasn’t trying to be rude. I just… I didn’t know what you were trying to do. Like, who asks their friends to go on vacation these days?”
“Plenty of people!” Kris defends. “You obviously don’t have very good friends.”
“Clearly,” Adam smirks.
They finish their dinner amidst plenty of back and forth bantering. Kris feels all cozy inside because things really do seem to be getting back to normal with him and Adam. Kris realizes that it’ll take a while for things to be completely great between them but he doesn’t care. He just wants to sit on the couch with Adam and watch some TV until they both can’t keep their eyes open and then hug him good night and go to bed smiling, knowing that in the morning he’ll wake up to another day full of adventures and surprises.
Kris and Adam do just as Kris had wanted. They happen to catch Wipeout on one of the satellite channels and they sit there, thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder, side to side on the couch giggling at all of the contestants bashing their faces off shit and by the time the show’s over, Kris has a serious stomach ache from laughing so hard. They go to bed a short while later, Kris giving Adam that good night hug. Kris enters his bedroom, shuts off the light and snuggles into the blanket. He hates the fact that the hotel tucks his frigging blanket in so goddamn tightly and kicks his feet wildly, trying to set the blanket free. He succeeds only slightly but he’s so tuckered out that he just gives up. He falls asleep.
***
The next morning Kris wakes up at 10:30. He stretches out his arms and wiggles his toes (miraculously the blanket isn’t tucked anymore. YES!) and hops out of bed. He opens up his bedroom door that connects to the living room of the suite and fully expects the room to be empty. But there’s Adam sitting on the couch with a plate in his lap, eating his breakfast and watching the TV intently.
Kris tries to enter the living room quietly, but somehow Adam hears him padding over and looks away from the TV. He flashes Kris those brilliant pearly whites and Kris stops walking because he kind of forgets where he was going and what he was doing.
“Good morning,” Adam says, that blinding grin still on his face. He pats the cushion next to him on the couch and it’s a miracle Kris is able to shuffle over and sit beside him. “How’d you sleep?”
“Great,” Kris replies, examining Adam’s face, checking for bags under his eyes. Kris wonders if Adam had slept at all. It isn’t like Adam to be up this early.
“Before you ask, yes I did get some sleep. I just happened to order a thing called a wake up call so I wouldn’t waste the afternoon sleeping,” Adam verifies. Kris wonders how Adam can read his mind like a freaking book.
“Ah. Very smart,” Kris nods in approval. He looks down at the plate in Adam’s lap. Pancakes, scrambled eggs and a couple of strips of bacon. “Where’d ya get the food?”
“I got Dave to pick it up. There’s a bunch of other stuff in the kitchen if you want to grab something. I wasn’t sure what you wanted so I ordered it all,” Adam says.
“Thanks.” Kris gives Adam a big smile and then goes off to find himself some food.
They finish breakfast half an hour later and by the time the boys are finished getting ready to go out it’s almost noon. Adam, by some miracle, decides that he doesn’t want to cake on the makeup today and Kris is grateful because, even though he loves the guy, he really doesn’t want to spend the majority of his morning in the suite waiting for Adam to put on his face when he could be outside exploring Maui.
Kris and Adam meet Dave and Mike outside and they hop in a car already waiting. They go to a few beaches and take a ride on a small boat, just the two of them. Dave and Mike pick up some food for them and they set up camp on one of the beaches, making lunch together. They do and see so much and the beauty is kind of overwhelming. By the time they’ve finished exploring and it’s time to go back to the resort, Kris is exhausted. Adam says he’s tired too. They get into their suite and Adam suggests that they sit on the lanai for a bit, just to come down from the high of the day.
“I can’t believe how beautiful it is here,” Adam says, staring out at the water. He looks back at Kris and smiles brightly. Kris feels his heart drop into his stomach.
“Yeah. Really beautiful,” Kris mumbles. Adam looks away from Kris and back to the beautiful scenery around them.
“You know, I never thought that I’d be able to…” Adam starts. He shakes his head. He looks like he doesn’t want to finish the thought.
“Able to what…?” Kris pries.
“I don’t know. I guess it’s just… I never thought I’d come out of that rut, you know? I was just stuck in this dark hole after everything and I… I never thought that things could get better. But they kind of feel like they are,” Adam says. He looks into Kris’s eyes and Kris can see hope and happiness shining through them. Kris can’t help but smile because, really, it had been way too long since he had last seen that look in Adam’s eyes.
“You know you can always talk to me. I know I say that all the time but maybe talking will help. Or maybe you could, like, see a therapist or something. Now before you jump down my throat about that and say that you don’t have any problems, let me finish. No, you definitely don’t have any problems, but I just think that you need to be able to talk. And maybe it’s not good enough to talk to me. Maybe you need to talk to someone that really understands and can really help you get some closure. I think you really should at least give it a shot. I just want you to be happy, Adam. That’s all I’ve ever wanted and I think having an outlet could bring back the old you.”
After he says it, Kris isn’t sure where that speech came from. He’s not sure why he suddenly felt compelled to give Adam a motivational pep talk or why he felt like it was necessary for him to tell Adam what to do, but he just… he had to. This was really the first time Adam had even mentioned the Ben incident to Kris. Kris felt good knowing that Adam could confine in him at least a little. Now all Adam needed was a way to just get it all out and move on.
“You’re probably right,” Adam sighs. “It’s just… I already feel like enough of a failure as it is. Therapy will just make me feel like even more of a nut job.”
“You’re not a nut job. Or a failure. And besides, it’s not weird to go to therapy. If it makes you feel better, I can go too. I probably have some unresolved issues I should talk about,” Kris says.
“Really? You’d do that for me?” Adam asks quietly. His eyes are wide and he looks like he’s just gotten the breath knocked out of him. Kris doesn’t know if this is a bad sign or a good sign but no matter the case, he has to be honest.
“Of course I would. You have to know that I’d do pretty much anything for you,” Kris replies. Adam takes a deep breath and swallows so hard that Kris can hear the gulping sound. Suddenly, Kris has goose bumps.
“I know…” Adam says after a few moments of silence. “I really don’t think I can thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. You’ve done so much and… you’re just the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”
Kris can see the sincerity in Adam’s eyes. Kris looks down at Adam’s hands bunched up in his lap and Kris suddenly feels the urge to grab them. Tentatively, Kris puts his hand over top of Adam’s. Kris looks up to see Adam’s reaction, and it’s not the one he had been expecting. Adam has a small, sweet smile on his face and all of a sudden Kris’s hands are sandwiched in between Adam’s. Kris’s hands feel small and delicate inside Adam’s. Kris likes feeling so protected.
“Adam… I… there’s something I have to tell you,” Kris starts, biting his lip. Adam’s still got that innocent smile on his face and Kris can feel butterflies filling up his stomach.
“Okay,” Adam nods. He scoots closer to Kris in his chair and he’s still holding onto Kris’s hands. Kris takes a deep breath because he’s afraid he might faint. This is all seriously overwhelming.
“Okay, well… uh… you know, ever since we started hanging out again things haven’t really been the same for me. I mean, before it was like… it was just a friendship. A really strong, amazing friendship. But then shit happened and I lost you and when you came back I saw you differently. And I kept trying to tell myself that I didn’t and that I was just going crazy because things were screwed up with Katy. But that’s not really an excuse now. Because I’ve solved everything with Katy and I still feel differently about you. I see you as this amazing, perfect guy. Not just a perfect guy, but the perfect guy. The perfect guy for me. And I know that this is probably way freaky for you because, like, everything just got messed up and now all of a sudden you have your best friend hitting on you and… yikes! It sounds even worse now that I say it out loud but it’s just… I can’t help it, damnit! You’re too perfect. And I hate it. But the only reason I hate it so much is because every single second I’m around you I fall even harder for you. Oh my god, that sounded so corny. I’m sorry. Do you want me to go to bed now and leave you alone? Because I totally can.”
Once Kris finishes rambling, he looks at Adam, fully expecting him to kick Kris in the groin and run away yelling or something, but he doesn’t. Instead Adam just starts giggling. He’s sitting there, holding onto Kris’s hands, giggling. He flings his head back and the giggles turn into full-on laughter. He’s sitting there for a good five minutes just laughing and Kris honestly believes that Adam has officially gone insane.
“What’s so funny?” Kris demands once Adam’s finally calmed down. Adam wipes away some tears from his eyes and sighs deeply.
“Oh, man. You’re so funny when you’re nervous,” Adam replies. “And adorable.”
“It’s not funny. Or adorable. It’s freaking embarrassing. I can’t believe you’re not pepper spraying me right now,” Kris groans, taking one of his hands away from Adam to throw it over his face in shame. Adam giggles and grabs Kris’s escaped hand, bringing it back in between his own.
“Pepper spray you? Not when you’re being so goddamn cute! Look, you’re even blushing!” Adam cries.
“I am not!” Kris says, the pink on his cheeks deepening.
“You are! It’s getting worse. Oh Kris! You look like a teenage school girl!” Adam giggles.
“Stop making fun of me, you jerk. I’m already shitting bricks about this and you’re not making it any better,” Kris mutters.
“Okay, I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m being a jerk,” Adam replies. Suddenly he’s got a very serious look in his eyes and Kris wishes he were laughing again. He feels nervous and itchy and sweaty and he really doesn’t want to make an ass of himself again.
“You could never be a jerk, Adam. It’s just kind of scary finally saying all that stuff after a year of holding it back,” Kris says quietly.
“I guess I just don’t know what to say. This is probably the first time in my life I’ve ever been speechless.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I just needed you to know how I feel and if you don’t feel that way too, that’s okay. I get it,” Kris mumbles.
“But that’s not the way it is at all. I’ve had a major thing for you since the first moment I laid eyes on you. How could you not know that?” Adam asks.
“I… I don’t know,” Kris mutters.
“Well, I did. And I still do. I think you’re the most incredible person in the world and I just admire the hell out of you. Not to mention that you’re super adorable and nice and funny and did I mention that you’re cute? Because, really, you’re probably the cutest guy I’ve ever seen. I’ve had a major crush on you forever but I guess I just left it at that - a crush. A harmless little crush that’ll never go anywhere. But now that you’re saying all these things that I’ve been imagining you saying for the longest time it’s really just surreal. It feels like I’m dreaming. And you have to know that I want this, have wanted this for so long. But right now, I don’t know if I’m ready, you know? I’m screwed up and I’m scared and you don’t want all of that. But I know that eventually, when I’m ready for a relationship, you’re the one I want it to be with. It’s probably not fair of me to ask you to wait for me but I’m selfish so I’ll do it anyway. Will you help me get over everything and stand by me until I’m ready to commit? Because you deserve to have the best of me and I can’t give it to you right now. But soon, I promise I’ll be ready.”
Hearing those words come from Adam’s lips is the greatest thing Kris has ever heard in his whole life. And seeing Adam smile at him like that, knowing that smile is just for him and him only is the greatest thing Kris has ever seen in his whole life. And then feeling Adam’s hands grabbing onto his own, Adam’s thumbs stroking the tops of his hands is the greatest thing Kris has ever felt in his whole life. Kris isn’t sure there’s anything better in the world than this. Than just him and Adam and words and smiles and touches. Kris knows that this is what it feels like to be really, truly happy.
“Adam, you don’t even have to ask me to wait for you. I’d wait forever for you. I know that’s really cheesy but-”
“No. No, it’s not cheesy. It’s perfect. You’re perfect,” Adam smiles.
“Okay, now this is cheesy,” Kris giggles.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Adam laughs.
But it’s those cheesy moments, those moments when they’re looking into each other’s eyes and it’s like a movie that Kris will cherish forever. Those moments that he’ll just wish he could take pictures of and put them in a scrapbook to remember forever because this is what it means to be complete. This is what it means to be in love. This is what it means to be the luckiest guy on earth. This is what happens when you take a gamble, when you put your heart out there and trust that he won’t break it, that he won’t break you, and it all works out. This is what happens when you tell yourself, “It’s all or nothing”, risk everything, and end up taking home the jackpot.