Pulsatilla | Chapter 15/?: love

love_cassiopeia

Pulsatilla | Chapter 15/?

Jul 24, 2010 18:24

Pulsatilla
Author: love_cassiopeia
Summary: A complete mess was what Jung Yunho became after his beloved wife’s death. Trapped in a permanent state of isolation and loneliness, Yunho summons his knowledge on biology in hopes of recreating his wife in the form of an artificial human. However, the experiment goes terribly wrong and instead creates a male who has all his wife’s looks and qualities, one who he eventually decides to name ‘Jaejoong.’ Coping with the idyllic memories Jaejoong brings back of his wife, Yunho tries his best not to fall in love with his creation, knowing that the love he brings along is not the real thing-or is it?
Rated: PG-13 - NC-17
Warning(s): NC-17 material, language
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing(s): YunJae
Chapter 15: Vérité

Definition: The Pulsatilla is a deciduous perennial flower native to Europe and Asia that grows in the leftover nutrients of a dead plant. It is usually grown to replace another plant. It is capable of curing diseases and may be used in remedies.

v é r i t é

*

He began to count the tiles on the marble floor as he sat outside Jaejoong’s room, trying to imagine what the doctors were doing to his lover without letting the deadly assumptions get to his head. He had been chased out of the operating room in the morning due to the doctor’s wishes of wanting to focus solely on Jaejoong without a bystander who didn't belong to the team watching intently over their every move. He had to give them credit though; besides, if he was one of the doctors in the room at the moment, he would certainly want to operate on the model mercilessly as well, not bothering to hold anything back without a third-party there constantly worried about the model’s condition. Yunho sighed in vain, incredulous that such inane thoughts had actually come to mind. Shouldn't he be trying to figure out what he would do to the doctors if they had hurt Jaejoong in any way?

He had been asked to return to the penthouse by HyeSung who informed him that the Pulsatilla project needed more information on Jaejoong’s blood. Letting his unrelenting phobia get to him, Yunho was reluctant to depart the facility in fear that something drastic would happen if he left Jaejoong on his own with no one he could truly call a friend. Instead, he made a call to his young assistant Changmin, who was on his way to the government labs to fulfill his wishes and to act as a watchful eye over Jaejoong while he went top retrieve the file himself. Considering Jaejoong had met Changmin once before when the assistant generously dropped Yunho off at the doorstep of the penthouse after going insane with the many bottles of liquor, he knew the familiar face would be a source of relief if Jaejoong ever was to wake up and go completely nuts over his surroundings and what the doctors were doing to him.

Out of all the frightening things the world had to offer, Yunho feared nothing more than being away from Jaejoong-not having a partner to hold onto while subconsciously knowing Jaejoong was feeling the exact same way.

He didn’t care if telling Changmin was a risky thing to do or not, since the whole government knew about what Jaejoong was right now. He had trusted Changmin dozens of times-far more than he trusted the fickle government officials, so it was only natural to inform one of the wisest people he knew about Jaejoong (Changmin seemed to have everything figured out when he called him anyways).

“Sir, Mr. Shim is here to see you.” The voice of the inanimate, sullen secretary rung in the air and interrupted him from the tile-counting. “He's in the sitting room at the lobby, waiting for you."

Nodding his head but not bothering to say a single thing to respond the secretary's words, Yunho left his perch on the uncomfortable chair which was situated beside the operating room, and strolled over to the nearest elevator. He had not spoken amiably to a single soul within the last twelve hours, and he was overjoyed to see that Changmin had finally made his appearance, offering a set of ears which were more than eager to listen to his complaints, and a mouth that was capable of dishing out the wisest, most insightful set of advice back to him.

As he arrived in the lobby, Yunho was relieved to see Changmin pacing about the waiting room with a fretful expression painted across him. He was ecstatic to finally have someone who actually cared-someone who didn't mind being on his side. As Changmin linked his eyes with his, Yunho could perceive a faint smile on his lips which contained as much sympathy as it did relief.

The taller man made his way over to the scientist immediately, still staring at him with the concerned look in his eyes. "Yunho, you look horrible!" Changmin declared as he scanned his eyes over Yunho's chin which had not been shaved for what seemed like weeks. "You look like you've never seen a razor your entire life!"

Yunho scoffed at his assistant's flippant remark and took it lightly. "I'm surprised you arrived here so early." He announced. "Knowing you, I swear you would've spent a farcical amount of time savouring your breakfast before coming to my rescue."

"I did buy myself a snack when I was waiting for you to come down." He stated as he indicated to the two portions of Starbucks coffee in his hands. "Here, you should drink some too. You look half awake, for goodness sake!" Changmin pointed out as he handed over one of the cardboard coffee cups over to his boss.

"You're more considerate than I give you credit for." Yunho accepted the coffee graciously, thinking that his swollen eyes and back pains were terribly in need of it. The two of them found a seat within the dim, modernly-furnished lobby of the government facility. Setting their coffee down on a counter which stood between them, the two towering men settled upon two cushion seats, trying to forget the fact that they were in such a dark, depressing place.

Changmin took a sip of his dark espresso before he initiated his inquiry. "Now that we're sitting here face to face, you should tell me everything there is to know about Jaejoong" He demanded. "Let's begin with why and how he ended up here in the first place."

He had all the answers written clearly with his blood on the surface of his organs, but was no doubt embarrassed by the truth that he lacked power to divulge. The reason why Jaejoong had ended up here was because he had coerced him into coming here. Although the government did play a big role in the ordeal, the culpable one clearly had to be him.

"He and I... We had a fight."

Changmin sighed. "Is that all you're going to give me?" He demanded grumpily. "If you're going to talk to me in hopes of getting Jaejoong out of here eventually, can't you at least speak a bit more clearly and add more words to your sentences?"

He wanted to agree to Changmin's demands, but didn't know if he could. Thinking over the other option of faltering and not bothering to disclose a single thing, Yunho was afraid that he would become someone who was constantly hesitant over his decisions and ultimately someone who was extremely tedious to listen to. Building some backbone and reminding himself not to be the cowardly, feeble Yunho he was at the moment, he chose to act on his own accord, hoping Changmin would not look upon him as a monster.

"The two of us had a fight that evening, right after I went out of the house to embark on a blind date I never intended to go on but one which my friend insisted that I'd show up to. Jaejoong followed me to the location of the blind date with me completely unaware of his presence. After the meaningless dated ended and I arrived back home, Jaejoong was livid from head to toe as he accused me of cheating on him." Yunho shook his head wearily, wanting to laugh at himself for accepting Yoochun's absurd offer.

"What happened after that?" The assistant asked, eagerly anticipating the words out of Yunho's mouth like the next installment of a story. "What did you say to Jaejoong at first?"

This was certainly the most difficult part in which Yunho didn't necessarily know whether to divulge or not. "I tried denying his assumptions, telling him that the woman meant absolutely nothing to me and that I went on the date without a choice." He tried to make himself sound reasonable-but he knew the next line would clearly adulterate that. "I accused him of following me while he accused me of using him for my own pleasures without ever paying any attention to his needs. Then, everything seemed to explode from that point. Jaejoong started to ramble on about the reasons why the two of us could never work out. Responding to his words, I attacked him with my own and told him that no matter how hard he tried, he would never become a human and therefore would not be able to carry offspring and live the life everyone else did. Then I told him that he wasn't real, which I think affected him the most."

Changmin's eyebrows furrowed the entire time Yunho was attempting to make sense of his explanation, for the ideals portrayed in his words were certainly far too complicated to think over in a particular fashion. He had to take multiple factors into account-it would be best if he could receive information on Jaejoong's side of the story-in order to make complete sense out of this emotional purging.

"Did you really mean what you said, or did you just say it out of anger?"

Yunho hung his head morosely. "If I had a chance to travel back in time, I would most definitely have thought twice before I spoke." He disclosed. "The things I said to him that night... about him not being human and not having the benefits usual humans possessed, they were all true at the time, I have to admit." His sorrow-filled eyes turned even murkier as he went on. "It's all the truth, but no, I would never say such things to Jaejoong. I never wanted Jaejoong to know the truth and to have him worry over it day and night."

"But Yunho, you do realize that you can't lie to him forever, don't you?" Changmin lifted an eyebrow. "Sooner or later, he will discover the truth about why the two of you aren't compatible and why your few moments of bliss lasted shorter than he primarily expected it would, and I guarantee you, he will yell at you for not warning him about it from the very beginning."

Yunho slammed his coffee cup on the table, aggravated either by Changmin's words or by the situation he was currently trapped within. "Why does everything have to work out so horribly?" He asked-directing his question more to the heavens than he directed it to Changmin. "The two of us love each other, why does our relationship have to be fragile just because he's something different?"

"I'm afraid that's just the how the world works." Changmin clarified, acting like the smart-ass he was ninety percent of the time. "It might seem rather cruel on the world's account for allowing this to happen, but in the end, we are mere pawns for something out there much bigger than us. What else can we do but try to survive through all this?" He took another sip of his coffee and stared poignantly at the crowds of strangers. "You still haven't told me, Yunho; how did Jaejoong end up here after that?"

Yunho rolled his eyes at the younger man. "You really like to listen to a good story don't you? Or in my case... a horrible one." He corrected, and then moved on to the explanation. "Hurt by my words, Jaejoong ran out of the apartment out onto the rainy streets, where he was seen by the government spies and asked to come along with them."

"Running down the stairs... argument... rain... streets..." Changmin glided his finger through all the different clues. "Doesn't this all sound a bit familiar?"

"It's how Seulki died, remember?"

A look of realization and understanding inundated Changmin's features. "Tell me, Yunho, is this a mere coincidence, or does Seulki really relate to Jaejoong in more ways than one?"

"I don't know..." The uncertainty in Yunho's voice was a bit depressing to listen to. "But I do know one thing: Jaejoong didn't get hit by a car that night. Instead, he came to this hell of a place, forced to be experimented on by doctors and scientists who have nothing better to do in life." He decided to ignore the coffee before him in doubt of whether the drink was making the atmosphere more bitter or not. "And I, in hopes of getting Jaejoong back into my possession, agreed with the government officials when they asked me to assist them in their experiment."

"And you said yes, knowing that they would do whatever they wanted to Jaejoong. Now you're scared to the point of asking me to come here-to keep an eye on Jaejoong because you just don't feel confident leaving him alone with the doctors."

Yunho nodded in dismay. "I had no choice. I need your help to get him out."

Changmin disposed of his now-empty coffee cup into a nearby waste bin and directed all of his attention towards his boss. "Yunho, with all due respect, I'll do whatever it is in my power to help you get through this and solace you until Jaejoong comes out of this depressing hellhole. What my question is, how do you plan to live with Jaejoong after he's released, huh? Surely you don't expect to live with him the exact same way the two of you lived the last few months-ignoring the truth." He sighed in concern, deeply depressed that his friend and boss had to go through the entire web of trouble and misfortune. "What I'm trying to say is, what the hell are you planning to do with him after you're through with all this?"

Although the question was put simply and had no second meaning to it, Yunho found it to be the most difficult question he had encountered his entire life. After the whole experimentation process ended, a large burden would be lifted off his shoulders, making him feel at relief. What he didn't expect at this point was to have Changmin ask him what he wanted to do after this. Having the hints, Yunho considered that even if he was to retrieve Jaejoong out of the government's palms and have him stay at home where he originally started, he would still come face to face with the cruel 'truths' that kept knocking on his front door. If he was to look past the commotion that had occurred during the last twelve hours and return his attention to the argument they had earlier, he would clearly envision how their life would be after Jaejoong was released from the labs.

His voice quavered like a child who had been accused of stealing a piece of candy. "I... I-I honestly don't know..."

"But you should know, Yunho!" Changmin proclaimed, forgetting how dreary his friend was feeling and instead, offering him the cruel problem at hand on a silver platter. "What if the two of you really aren't meant to live together? What if you grow old, while Jaejoong stays his original age without aging even the slightest bit? Do you plan to live on like this-you slowly morphing into an old man while Jaejoong saves his youth from being deteriorated? What if Jaejoong gets tired of you, Yunho? What if he falls in love with someone else because you aren't capable of giving him the pleasure and joy you once did when you were young?"

Changmin's questions were like millions of daggers, all sent flying his way in a single second, plotting to destroy all of the jovial emotions he was planning to feel once Jaejoong was released and returned into his arms. One by one, the questions muddled his hopes for the future, inscribing a black question mark on his pupils so every time he looked at Jaejoong, the same question remained. He wanted to get rid of it as soon as possible, but knew it would take a lot more time and strength to answer those questions.

Once again, he replied Changmin with the same answer. "I don't know..." Inside, he would rather not know the answer that would solve everything and bring him back to the joyful, blithesome moments that seemed to repeat itself day after day. He wished the answer would abolish every obstacle that stood between himself and Jaejoong, making room for only pure love to exist between the empty spaces.

Although some examples of the obstacles Yunho wanted to destroy were ethical concepts such as 'a man cannot love another man' and 'humans aren't supposed to waste a whole heart of love over artificial creations,' he knew the biggest obstacle of them all was himself. During the past few months, Yunho had continuously questioned whether it was worth it, falling in love with Jaejoong. Even if the ethical statutes of society were to be pushed aside and ignored, he himself would still remain the monster that had deliberately questioned Jaejoong as he pushed the two of them further and further apart.

He had not realized the truth about himself until recently. And it hurt-it hurt him as much as it staggered him.

Changmin put a hand on Yunho's shoulders, seeing how miserable he looked and felt. "Look Yunho, I know that question may have been a little too harsh, but I'm only trying my best to tell you the truth so you can face it." He claimed. "Since you've been ignoring the truth all this time, look what happened. Jaejoong ended up here, in one of those rooms-where no human should ever be. If you hadn't taken the time you spent together for granted, perhaps your life would not be so simple, but at least, he will still be yours."

Yunho was deep in thought, trying to make something out of the problem. "Do you think he'll still want to be mine, after all this?"

"Do you think Seulki would still want you, after you caused her to dash into the streets, running away from you until she died?" Changmin put the question differently, hoping he would be able to answer faster than having such a profound, serious answer plague his mind.

"It's not likely." Yunho replied, heartbroken. "She hates me."

"That's where you're wrong." Changmin cut in, displaying his insight on the subject. "You think that just after one argument, she'll hate you for eternity? Yunho, you are truly clueless."

"But she... I killed her, remem-"

"Shut up, you didn't kill your wife-the truck driver did, or rather, fate did." Changmin clarified, knowing what he spoke was the ultimate truth. "I know how Seulki and you once were. You were the happiest of couples, one of which could tell each other every single thing that was on your minds. Do you think just one argument has the power to destroy all that love? The answer is obvious."

Yunho was incredulous of his assistant's words. "But she ran straight out of the house!"

Changmin shook his head at Yunho as if he was a child incapable of understanding what he was trying to carry out. "Oh Yunho, you really don't understand how the game of love works, do you?" He accused with an impatient tone in his voice. "You think that the day Seulki or Jaejoong ran out of the house, they were trying to run away from love? Because what I see is that love is utterly impossible to run away from. If you look deeply into their actions, they were probably trying to run away from the problem at hand-from the argument that was staged between the two of you at that point. If I was in Jaejoong's shoes, knowing that I had run away from my lover and had gotten lost within this labyrinth-like city, I would certainly want to be found again."

The scientist decided not to say anything after that, for if he put himself in either Seulki or Jaejoong's shoes, he would feel terrified, running away from one of the most precious things in his life. He knew that although it was a bit too good to be true, that there was without a doubt some truth within Changmin's words.

He found his assistant rather interesting-telling the truth and the truth only, despite how utterly bad or good it sounded. The first set of truths made Yunho frightened to jump back into the game of love while the second set stubbornly remained delightful to the ears. He knew that if he was to disentangle the truths that were horrific-saving and embracing the truths that were more pleasant to the ears, he and Jaejoong would most definitely bring love back into their lives and continue what they started in a different way without the doubts pestering the two of them with every opportunity granted.

After moments of silence, Yunho finally decided to speak his mind. "Thank you Changmin, for your helpful yet somewhat cynical set of advice."

The assistant chuckled in return. "I'm here to offer my smart-ass mouth whenever you need it."

A smile finally brightened up Yunho's face after twelve hours of constant lamenting. "I should really go get the files now." He announced. "Now that you know everything, you can stay here with Jaejoong. He's in the main lab on the top floor, I've already told the government officials that you were coming." He added.

"There's no need for that." Using a hand to prevent Yunho from standing up, Changmin made his statement loud and clear. "You'll stay here, I'll go get the files for you." He offered. "It's you who Jaejoong needs, not me."

Having nothing to object to, Yunho reached into his pockets and pulled out the house key. "Thank you Changmin." He declared. "I owe you one."

Taking the key, Changmin stood up and prepared to leave the lobby's waiting room. "You always do."

As Changmin's tall, slim figure disappeared far off into the distance, Yunho decided to replay the words he said over again in his head. Do you plan to live on like this-you slowly morphing into an old man while Jaejoong saves his youth from being deteriorated? For what seemed like a century of waiting, Yunho finally came up with the final answer to the baffling question.

We would eventually adapt and find a way to love each other, he wanted to answer.

pulsatilla