[the muscles legacy] > 2.2
Catch up for extra credit:
[ 1.1 ] [ 1.2 ] [ 1.3 ] [ 1.4 ] [ 1.5 ] [ 1.6 ] [ 1.7 ] [ 1.8 ] [ 1.9 ]
[ 2.0 ] [ 2.1 ]
[ downloads ]
Warning haiku time:
grieving, sexy times,
and a (not so) healthy dose
of voodoo magic.
Last time on the Muscles legacy:
GlaDos pushed Sens off a roof and killed Yuuko with fire lightning.
Because she's a witch.
Naturally.
So Sens launches into an understandable fit of depression and drowns his sorrows in vodka coolers.
Sens: ...only 'cos I...fuckin' hate vodka coolers.
Makes sense.
The next generation jets off to 'exotic' Twikii Island, conveniently forgetting their incurably depressed father at home.
._. Hey, it happens!
I mean, it's prolly just coincidence that they returned to find their unsupervised father built yet another utterly wrecked hovel.
Although he's tacking on another dimension this time. Extreme danger is FUN! :D
And now, the continuation:
I downloaded new defaults. :D. Obligatory showoff pic ensues.
Derringer: Why do I have to model?
Just shut up and stand there awkwardly.
Derringer: I'll show you awkward...
._.
Meanwhile, our bruised and hairless founder is getting used to the simple life.
Or alternatively, he's just batshit insane. Either or.
Sens: WHY IT'S Sir Dr. Mr. Lawyer Kitteh! Good morning, dearest of sirs!
Noodle: ...your hand. It's touching me. Stop it.
He paints what he knows. Hey, at least he hasn't quite reached the Salvador Dali-esque surreal melting clocks kind of insanity quite yet.
Noodle: He made me stand in a teacup whilst drinking from an inside-out umbrella.
I stand corrected.
Magnum: So...what d'we do about Dad?
Beretta: Dunno.
Magnum: ...what do you mean, 'dunno'? You should know. Please know.
Beretta: I really don't want to deal with it. If he wants to be completely irrational with grief, then let him.
Magnum: Beretta, that's kind of--
Beretta: --I'm moving on with life, okay? Mom's gone. GlaDos doesn't seem to want to do any more damage--well, to us anyways--so I'm just staying the hell out of it.
Magnum: I don't know... I've been thinking quite a bit about GlaDos lately. She is my birth mother, after all.
Beretta: Yeah, but she's still a homicidal bitch--you know that, right?
Magnum: Of course. I've been thinking about pounding her damn face in. I mean, look at these guns!
Beretta: What if we took her to court? I mean, I know the police couldn't find her--I couldn't find her, and I'm not even supposed to be looking--but...
Magnum: Yeah, as if a jail cell would hold her. She'd go all Evil Willow and blow the wall open or something.
Beretta: You watch far too much Buffy.
Magnum: No such thing.
Sens: This salad tastes funny...maybe I shouldn't have added so much sawdust. D:
Rather Critical Rubber Ducky: Oh, stop trying.
DUN DUN DUN.
Burglar Bloke: DUN DUN DUN.
...um, I thought I had covered that adequately. Guess n--
Burglar Bloke: --DUN DUN DUN.
Burglar Bloke: Ohohoho, my scheme is GENIUS! Nobody expects someone to swipe only the patio furniture! XD
Silent Alarm: SILENT ALARM ACTIVATED!
Burglar Bloke: Another evil scheme has revealed itself to me--steal the fountain, but leave the water! MWAHAHAHA!
Burglar Bloke: ...HAHAHAH!
Clownlegs Copper: Horrid vagrant! Cursed scum!
It is here I begin to question exactly how inept both the police and the criminals of Silent Hill are.
Clownlegs Copper: OWWWW QUIT IT! *slaps*
Burglar Bloke: NO, YOU QUIT IT! *slaps back*
Oh, the homoerotic subtext.
Evidently, a lot of people have something against the Muscles household today.
Clownlegs Copper: ...and I'll cover your stolen goods any day, babe. ;)
Beretta: Oh, you...get out of my house.
The next morning...
The OMNIDriver: ...and there she is, the cop that can't handle one single inept robber in her own home.
Beretta: Shove it and drive me to work.
So maybe Beretta cannot handle robbers...
...but she can sure handle delicious fried donuts! :D
Beretta: I feel patronized.
So, I'm incredibly amused that out of all of peasandlove 's Epidemics I have in my game, it's the one that raided Sens' old closet that comes to visit. :p
Sepsis: I have a friend! :D
Yes, well...that's great.
Meanwhile, Derringer has become a suave young professional.
Derringer: ...whose Blackberry goes off seventy times a day.
A suave young professional whose Blackberry goes off seventy times a day.
Derringer: Nice. :)
And Magnum has...um...
Magnum: I lay bricks!
In a straw hat. We can has wisdom.
Sepsis: They left me here alone? RAGE!
Beretta: Okay, so the next burglar I can totally handle. I think.
Beretta: D--Dad?!
Sepsis: Me-ow.
Beretta: --ohmigod I feel so violated right now...
Beretta: ...uh oh. Um. Salt! Salt should fix this...wait, this is pepper...or is it cayenne?
Fire: ROAR!
That said, it was a pretty boring fire. D:
Not that I like tragedy or anything...
Not at all. >:D
Why hello there, Unfortunate Hat, But Slightly Saucy Everything Else.
Unfortunate Hat, But Slightly Saucy Everything Else: Er...hello?!
Derringer: I really do like your hat, you know.
Unfortunate Hat, But Slightly Saucy Everything Else: Um...that's ni--
Derringer: C'mere.
Unfortunate Hat, But Slightly Saucy Everything Else: Stop right there! I can see right through your hollow scheme of admiring my hat!
Derringer: ...really? You're really being like this?
Yeah...she really didn't like him much.
Magnum: Oh, so you're supposed to wear a hard hat for construction work? Boy, was I wrong!
...please change, you look like a bloody scarecrow.
Not that there's anything wrong with scarecrows.
I mean, some of my best friends are scarecrows!
Beretta: ...alright, you fucking pancakes, you are NOT going to set fire to the kitchen, do you understand me?
Sens: I feel so neglected...
Beretta: gah! Jeez, now my shirt's wet!
Roderick: Well, you know how to fix that...
Beretta: Gah...now I'm all wet...
Roderick: Well...you know how to fix that...
Beretta: ...wait a sec, this isn't fixing that!
Roderick: Oh shush.
Magnum: Oh...does this mean I still get to wear my hat?
Derringer: Oh yeah. Suave points +1. I've been thinking about taking up finger gunning and growing a douchestache.
And using acne cream, hopefully.
Beretta: Hey, Uggz. :)
Uggz: Hey, B!
Beretta: I just wanted to let you know I've poisoned your burger. Take it as a hint that we don't appreciate your randomly showing up here.
Uggz: I love hamburgers! :D
Beretta: *headdesk*
Roderick: ...y'know, she's not that bad now that she doesn't look like Dr. Zaius. Well...not completely like Dr. Zaius, anyways.
Beretta: WHOO! RAISE THE ROOF!
Kevin: Um...why are you doing that? It's kind of obnoxious. Just sayin'.
(every time I look at this picture I think she's holding up the pot with a wooden fork and a metal spoon, and I think 'why the hell are you doing that, it's going to fall on your head you dumb bint' and then I realize it's actually the pot handle and I feel a little slow. ._.)
Beretta: Um...guys, I'm not okay with random babies in top hats appearing on my lawn. Someone's going to think we abducted him.
Random Baby: Oh, lighten up, sweetcheeks.
Magnum: I think I'm now suitably prepared. For the zombie apocalypse, anyways.
Meanwhile, Beretta discovers the joys of...wait, I made this joke last time, didn't I?
Derringer: So, I heard you learned how to masturbate, sis! Knuckle up!
Beretta: Excuse me?!
Derringer: ...um...I--
Beretta: I learned CPR, you pervert. I've known how to masturbate since I was twelve. And there's no way I'm touching that hand, for the record.
Derringer: ...well, that was awkward.
Naturally, she soon goes to try out her newfound CPR skills with...wait a second, who the hell is that?
Boytoy: Um...I'm the paperboy.
*headdesk*
Meanwhile...
Magnum: You know, her new identity would be much more difficult to find out if she wasn't openly terrorizing the town with magical bees.
Magnum: Anyways, let's get this over with. You're up, Mr. Bubbles!
Mr. Bubbles: ...why did you name me Mr. Bubbles? I look more like the little sack guy from LittleBigPlanet than a Big Daddy.
Magnum: Shut it and work your sweet voodoo magics.
GlaDos: *heaves* ...w--what horrible anomaly is this?
Magnum: Hey, Mom. What's up?
GlaDos: You ignorant test subject! You have ruined your chance to receive a slice of tasty cake! I have eaten it all!
Magnum: Yeah. You really might want to watch your figure, there.
GlaDos: W--what--
Magnum: But anyways. Let's get this over with.
GlaDos: Oh, you--
GlaDos: --little...[LOCATION CHANGE. RESETTING IP ADDRESS.]
Magnum: That's joyous. So, are we going to fight yet?
GlaDos: Affirmative.
Magnum: ...bees? That's the worst you can come up with?
GlaDos: Oh, I am just beginning my Fitting Ends for Insolent Humans macro.
Magnum: Not if I have anything to do about it.
GlaDos: Benemoodus Simae? That is your best effort? I always did consider you a failed genetic experiment, [INSERT NAME--
GlaDos: *urp*...here?
Magnum: Right.
GlaDos: Oh no, you did not--
Magnum: Oh yes, I did. You're mortal.
Magnum: You didn't really expect us to just let this slide, did you?
GlaDos: ...I did not forsee any consequence.
Magnum: Well, you're a bit of a moron, then. We had to bury her.
Astral!Yuuko: We slept in the same bed, you goddamn bint!...oh, hey Magnum. Love the shirt. The crazy witchcraft action was pretty good too.
Magnum: Thanks, Mum. :)
Magnum: ...anyways, we're leaving for university whether you like it or not. And you're going to deal with...with this. I don't know how...just take it slow. Talk to him. Try to get him to come down from there.
GlaDos: I...I do not expect he will rejoice in the sight of me.
Magnum: Yeah, well, you might want to try taking off your hat first.
Magnum: Oh, and if you turn back to the dark arts, I will come back and gut you with a sewing needle.
GlaDos: I accept that condition.
Next time on the Muscles legacy...
Beretta can has scholarshipz!
Apologies for the short update (by my standards...but maybe that's a good thing!). University is...tedious, in a word. ._.
As is moving.
And cleaning litterboxes. Although I haven't done that in quite a long time, prolly 'cos I don't own a cat.
Anyways...until next time!