no no no No NO NO!!!??!!!

Binged on a liter ice cream with marcipan and chocolate. HOW?! How could it even fit?!
It completely grosses me out, I can't believe it could even fit in my stomach.
I of course triede to purge it, crying, sobbing, hysterically scratching my mouth on the inside with nails and toothbrush, almost breaking my jaws apart. I'm ( Read more... )

I guess the world just thinks 154-155 lbs is my natural weight. I do have all that never-to-get-rid-off-extra-fat from when I was 250, but come on, 148 felt so GOOD!
Karma, just let me get back down there and STAY there... Please!? 
I mean, it would definitely give me greater confidence knowing I had a positive BMI... And I would most likely feel ( Read more... )

Okay. No panic now. 148 - it's a good way to start the day by going down 2 lbs from yesterday.
Now I worry about the weekend:
Tonight: Sushi & china buffet with 7 of my friends, scream!
Tomorrow afternoon: Lunch with grandma & grandpa
Tomorrow night: Dinner at moms with brother & aunt

PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC....!

I'm so tired of always thinking about my weight. I'm so so tired, because not only do I stress about how I look and what I eat and weigh, but also are there so many other things that I have to -and should- stress more about. Important things ( Read more... )

Since I'm slightly depressed right now I'll just post this:
153 lbs, no change so far!
1500 calories consumed today
350ish burned
Gaypride parade in the sun
*All guys have better hips than me*

350, it's not that much, right? 
350 and mostly it was milk and salad and like a tiny slize of tuna meat.
So why do I panic, why the fuck do I keep panicking?
I had SO MUCH yesterday, and I drank and I walked a lot.
And then came late night, and then came purge. Mostly acid tho. Dammit.
I so want to be okay with eating
I so do
I wish I COULD stop ( Read more... )

2000 calories or around there today, the 500 (maybe only 400, I didn't really count that while binging) was on a brownie-cookie and 5 big pieces of candy just now while I was logging in.

This thing is for life, right?
I've been fucked up as long as I remember.
Lifelong cycle of wanting to eat right, binging and then frequent purging.
I wonder when it ( Read more... )

When I read a post by one of the girls on TLS, it hit me HOW MUCH I think about my ED.
It's not just about what I want to eat, what I shouldn't eat, what I have eaten or how to get rid of it and or burn the calories again. It's not even just worrying every second I'm eating about exactly how much I'll gain from this food.
It's not just about me.
It' ( Read more... )

This day I screwed up.
Binged for hours, rice & pineapple-curry sauce, cake, candy, candy, CANDY and ice cream. 
The food, the horrible, delicious, evil, tasty food. I ate, and ate, and ate, and ate, and felt more and more like my run earlier was just a preparation for this bingefest.
I wonder, do you get the symptoms like me? Like my whole body was ( Read more... )

When I finally see my chance to log in today it's because my husband is sick with the flu and in bed and unable to check up on me. Will delete cookies and paths or whatitscalled later :/

I'm doing better, I think. Except that I haven't recieved my paycheck for last month or this yet, dammit.
But I'm eating. I guess people consider that good.
I don't ( Read more... )