Hey, we're back in London! BOY it's been a long time ( Read more... )

Why is

What's going

Aaah!

Mommy, why is the kitty still here? It shouldn't be here, why is it still here? It's lookin at me like it wantsta eat me, but it can't cause I got there first! So why's it here oh my god I don't like this, take it away! Muh Bainbridge, can you make the kitty go away it's scaring me oh help.

I don't ( Read more... )

Ugghh, hi, talkin's kinda hard right now, but mosta my fingers'r broken so I can't write. I was a bad boy and Miss-tress Anthrax punished me, but I deserved it so it's alright ( Read more... )

Oh wow! I wasn't-- I mean-- Oh! I have a kitten! Wait, I need ta explain, maybe ( Read more... )

Hey, so, I can't talk too long -- oh yeah, I have to talk to this thing 'cause I'm not s'posed ta use my hands for anything but - wait, I can't talk about that. Anyway, I can't talk too long 'cause miss Anthrax is gonna be back soon. She owns me now, 'cause muh Bainbridge sold me to her, but it's not bad! I get to have all the wine I want. It ( Read more... )

i have been arrested for "sexual harassing" a boa constrictor. so what if he didn't really want to constrict my stick? what a goddamn frickin tease.

will write more once i get out of jail.

oh boy oh wowee, i thought up a lot of things i want to do in 2007, i wrote them all down on a post-it note and stuck it to my bedpan, because doctors say to remind yourself by putting up reminders in a place i go to first thing in the morning. so, here guys, what do you think ( Read more... )

So I woke up when the rooster crowed this morning, donned my smartest overalls, and headed over to Hackney City Farm. The smell of dung is clinging in my eloquently-flared nostrils. Bainbridge is working me like a rhino in a tutu. I have no choice, as a felon and a scoundrel, to work in this desolate, squidgy place...YOU CAN TLEL THE CREATIVE ( Read more... )

so i touched an aardvark in a naughty place. big whup. now my poopshoot knows what prison is like.