Life and Breath Part 29
Title: Life and Breath
Author: Pink Rabbit Productions
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Part: 29
Date: 1 May, 2010
Rating: Personally, I'd call it an R, but some might consider it NC-17 at some point.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations belong to other folks far wealthier, more important (or at least with better lawyers), and hopefully more charitable and kinder than I. They include, but are not necessarily limited to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, and Telenext. The actual arrangement of words, however, remains my own as do any original characters. Meanwhile, there is likely to be all female romantic and sexual activity ahead, so if this is likely to get you, me, or anybody else arrested should you take a gander, please move along. Also, if you find that sort of thing offensive, you really probably shouldn't hang around anyplace I'm posting. Just sayin'....
Archiving: The Pink Rabbit Consortium
Spoilers: Some early scenes definitely, plus anything through the spa trip is fair game.
Timeline: Unlike some folks, I don't have an exact scene where this one takes off. However, it's definitely set after the spa trip, but before Rafe's release from the halfway house. Oh, and it's after Natalia admits she's in love with Olivia to Father Ray.
Earlier Parts: | Part 1 (Prologue) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26 | Part 27 | Part 28 | Part 29 |
Life and Breath
by Pink Rabbit Productions
Part 29
Olivia had always liked her suite in the Beacon with the exception of one detail: the eastern exposure that sent a shaft of morning sunlight spraying across the head of her bed if the curtains weren't carefully lapped. It had tormented her on more than one occasion, drawing curses, threats, and the odd early morning valium. And that was when she hadn't been hung over.
What a short-sighted fool she'd been.
Because suddenly she understood its purpose as she lay, head propped on one hand, silently watching the delicate figure curled close, her breathing slow and even.
Curled on her side, with her hair haloed and skin gilded by the morning sun, eyes closed, thick lashes fanning on her cheeks, Natalia looked closer to Emma's age than her own. She was soft, innocent, and heart-stoppingly beautiful and just the chance to lie there and stare made Olivia achingly aware of just how deep her emotions ran.
If this was the final moment of her life, she could die happy.
She was still lying there like that when Natalia stirred and blinked sleepily.
Olivia felt her breath catch, the instinctive fear that Natalia would regret their night together slipping through her before she could call it back.
But there was no regret in the dark gaze that swung up and touched on her face or the slow smile that made its way across cupid's bow lips. "You're awake," Natalia murmured, her voice still thick with sleep. Her smile broadened a notch. "And it's not even ten a.m."
Olivia couldn't restrain a grin. "You inspire me," she said honestly, then reached out and brushed chestnut hair off Natalia's brow, noting the way the glossy strands caught and reflected the morning sunlight in a rainbow of colors.
"Mmm, I like the sound of that," Natalia admitted. She spread her hand where it rested in the curve of Olivia's waist, enjoying the tactile pleasure of touching bare skin. "Because I know I feel pretty inspired around you."
The kiss that followed was slow and sweet, drawing them both in until they clung and arched closer, bodies molding together, mouths tenderly exploring.
Olivia glanced past Natalia's shoulder at her bedside clock. Seven-twenty. Emma was almost never up before eight-thirty. Her daughter was every bit as much of a morning person as she was.
Which meant they almost had enough time to-
A soft knock cut that thought off right there.
Olivia's head snapped up and her eyes went to the main door to her room. Hopefully, it was just someone from the hotel knocking to report an emergency. Because that would be better than-
Another light knock-this time distinctly at her interior suite door, not the one on the hallway.
Oh hell.
Then Emma's voice, soft and muffled, but audibly worried. "Mom?" The door shook, jimmied gently by a small hand. "Are you okay? The door's locked."
"Yeah, baby, there in a second," Olivia called out even as she vaulted out of bed.
"But it's locked," Emma complained, her tone uncertain to a degree that bordered on scared.
Olivia grabbed Natalia's robe where it lay forgotten on the floor. "I know, jellybean..."
"But you never lock the door."
Olivia lobbed the wadded fabric to Natalia as the younger woman jackknifed upright in bed, a panicked expression on her face. "But it's okay." Her own robe hung on the back of the door and she grabbed for it, not bothering to try and sort through the rumpled clothing scattered across the floor. Instead she just shrugged into the magenta silk and kicked various bits of nightwear under the bed and cabinets as she passed them by. She glanced back over her shoulder to see that Natalia had gotten the robe on and swung her legs over the side of the bed.
Not exactly the most innocent scene possible, but highly likely to go over the head of even the most inquisitive eight year-old.
Which pretty much described her youngest child.
Olivia retied her robe, getting it a little tighter this time.
"What do we say?" Natalia whispered uncertainly. This just wasn't something she was used to dealing with. When Rafe was little, she'd mostly avoided dating and definitely avoided...
This.
"The truth," Olivia responded, her tone practical, though some of her worries snuck through. Emma was still working through how to respond to their relationship, and this meant a pretty big change in her little life. "We tell her the truth...explain a few rules changes...and we work through it." She directed a pointed look at her lover. "Okay?" she entreated, needing to know Natalia was in this with her.
"Mom?" Emma questioned again in the background, her voice tremulous.
Natalia flinched, closing her eyes for the briefest moment and straightening her shoulders, fighting the impulse to run. No, this was too important. No chickening out. "Okay," she agreed as she blinked and swung her gaze to touch on Olivia, drawing strength from the reassuring expression in green eyes.
A shared nod, then Olivia reached for the doorknob, clicking the lock off, then swinging the door wide. "Hey, Em," she soothed.
Eyes that were a youthful mirror of her own rose to touch on her. "You never lock the door," Emma pointed out again, her tone a mix of hurt and accusing. Then her gaze swung to find Natalia where she sat on the edge of the bed. A frown creased her small brow as she struggled to work out what was going on, instinctively knowing the locked door had something to do with the change in her mom and Natalia's relationship. "Is it cos' Natalia's here?"
Resting a gentle hand on her daughter's upper back, Olivia urged inside. "Yeah...kinda," she admitted.
Emma continued peering up at her mother with a questioning look. "Cos' a' what you said before...that you're in love?" she asked.
Olivia took a deep breath, ignoring her panicked lover in order to focus on her child. "That's part of it," she said, guiding Emma to sit on the bed, then crouching down in front of her. "Adults...when they're in love, they need to spend private time together...which is what Natalia and I were doing."
Emma flashed a quick look at Natalia, then peered at her mother again. "Are you gonna lock the door all the time now?" she asked, hurt by the idea and covering it badly.
"No," Olivia said immediately, her tone firm. Emma had long had comparatively free run of her room, a habit that had intensified during her illness. Taking that away threatened to do too much damage to their relationship. She felt Natalia tense where she sat next to them. Her quick glance was meant reassure the woman she loved as she considered how best to thread this particular needle. "But a few rules are going to have to change," she explained to Emma when she returned her attention to her daughter. She reached out, smoothing a few stray hairs out of her child's eyes. "We won't lock the door...at least not most of the time, though there might be a rare occasion...I promise," she assured Emma. "But in return, I need a promise from you."
Her expression questioning, Emma peered at her mother for a moment before cautiously asking, "What?"
Directing a quick look toward Natalia, Olivia hoped she'd understand. She got a reassuring nod in return.
Natalia was with Olivia, whatever her plan.
"Don't worry, Em," Olivia soothed, "it's nothing too awful." She rested a hand on her daughter's knee. "I just need you to knock from here on out and wait until either Natalia or I says it's okay to come in...that's it." She offered an encouraging smile. "Think you can handle that?"
Emma nodded slowly, her tone hesitant when she replied, "I guess."
Hearing her daughter's uncertainty, Olivia felt her heart clench with her own worries. She needed Emma to be okay with this. "Maybe it feels a little strange though?" she questioned tenderly, inviting the girl to open up.
Another hesitant nod. "Maybe a little," the child admitted.
"That's okay," Olivia assured her. "It's a change...and change can be a little scary...but Em, Natalia and I both love you very much, and you are always-always-welcome with us. That'll never change." She risked another quick glance at Natalia, soothed by the look directed her way. "We may just need a moment or two before we let you in, 'kay?"
"Why?"
And there was the $25,000 question, Olivia thought as she tried to decide how best to answer that one.
Never lie, she reminded herself. "Well, remember how I said adults need private time?"
Emma nodded.
"That's because adults in love do things together that aren't meant to be shared with anyone else." There. That seemed like a nicely non-specific way of putting it.
"You mean like kissin' 'n' stuff?" Emma questioned, cutting straight to the chase.
Olivia felt as much as heard Natalia's tiny whimper even as she barely covered a wince. Gah, she so wasn't ready for this. Maybe she could-
No, she cut that plan off right there. Never lie to your daughter. Instead she nodded, the movement a little unsteady, but definite. "That's part of it," she admitted, amazed she didn't hear the crack of the sound barrier as Natalia made a break for it. Openness on sexual issues wasn't her strong suit. Meanwhile, hopefully, Emma wouldn't decide to further pursue that line of questioning because Olivia wasn't sure she or Natalia would survive if she did.
To her credit, Natalia pushed down the urge to flee and reached out to rest a gentle hand on Olivia's shoulder, letting her know she was there and wasn't going anywhere. "But it's a lot more," she added, her voice soft and shy. She peered at Olivia, eyes liquid with emotion. "It's also talking or holding hands...or just looking at each other." She swung her gaze back to Emma, seeing the confusion and question there. "When you really love someone," she tried to explain after a beat, "you need time to just be alone together."
That seemed to satisfy Emma because her chin bobbed in a small nod. "Are you gonna sleep here all the time now?" she asked after some consideration.
Out of the mouths of babes, Olivia thought as her daughter voiced the question she hadn't had either the chance or the courage to ask. Since they'd discussed marriage, it loomed on the horizon, but she wasn't sure how the most recent change in their relationship might have altered the timetable.
Natalia flashed panicked look at Olivia, then took a deep breath to nerve herself up. "Your mom and I haven't really talked about that," she admitted, tucking a finger under Emma's chin and smoothing her thumb along a gently rounded cheek. "But I'm hoping you'll both come back and live with me at the farm again." She turned a hopeful look back toward Olivia, wondering if she should have said something before bringing it up with Emma. Then again, they'd talked marriage, so living together didn't seem too outrageous an idea. "If it's okay with you and your mom," she added hopefully.
Any trepidation disappeared in an instant as Olivia smiled broadly, her eyes suspiciously bright. "I'd love that," she said quickly, then turned a hopeful gaze her daughter's direction. "Whaddya say, Em? Would you like to move back to the farmhouse?"
"Really?" The little girl's voice throbbed with hope as she peered up at her mom. "We can go back home?"
It was Natalia's turn to wince at the longing in the child's tone, and the way she referred to the farm so automatically as her home. It hurt to think of what her own confusion and indecision had cost Emma. "Yeah, sweetie. I'd like nothing better than for you and your mom to come home for good." She turned her gaze back to Olivia. "In fact, I'd love to have you back as soon as possible."
Emma's gaze swung back and forth between the two adults, flashing her most pleading, hopeful look back and forth with practiced skill.
Feeling her chest compress with a familiar swell of emotion-Emma was quite the little manipulator when she wanted to be-Olivia brushed her daughter's hair back with a gentle hand. "I'll start making calls and arrangements." Her gaze met Natalia's and they shared a private smile. "It may take a couple of days," she allowed, then swung her gaze back to her daughter, "but I promise you, we'll be back in time for the next movie night."
Emma finally managed a tentative grin. Her mom always kept her promises, so if she said they were moving back home, they were moving back home.
"In the meantime," Olivia continued, her eyes on Natalia though her words were for her daughter, "I'm hoping Natalia will stay here with us until we can get moved."
Natalia nodded, her hopes and dreams for their future reflected in her eyes.
She got a tiny nod of acknowledgment in return and there was a brief moment of communication that was for them alone as they both silently confirmed this was what they wanted.
"I'd love that," Natalia said at last, her tone wholly sincere. Twisting to face Emma, she brushed silky hair back from the girl's brow with a gentle hand as she peered into eyes that were an innocent version of her lover's perceptive gaze. "Em, I want you to know how glad I am that you and your mom are moving home. I've missed you both so much." Stroking her fingers down a small, rounded cheek, she ended the caress by tucking her fingers under Emma's chin. "And I also want you to know that I understand that this is sometimes a little hard and confusing for you, but I love your mom and I love you...and I just want us to be a family again...like we were before." Releasing her loose hold on the child's chin, she slipped her other arm across Emma's shoulders, hugging her close.
Emma tensed momentarily, then leaned against Natalia's side, slipping an arm around the woman and nosing into her side with a soft sigh. Natalia had become like a second mother to her and the various emotional upheavals since the near-marriage fiasco had left her feeling uncertain. As Natalia tenderly ruffled her hair and hugged her close, her fears dissolved away and she settled in.
For Natalia, as she felt the child she'd come to love as her own melt against her side, it was like the final piece of the puzzle slipped back into place. Ducking her head, she pressed a soft kiss to the top of Emma's head, then rested her cheek against silky hair. "I love you, kiddo," she whispered. "Never doubt that."
Watching the two people she loved most in the world cling to each other, Olivia felt the fears knotting her stomach let go. They were going to be okay. Leaning forward, she rested her cheek on Natalia's thigh, wrapping one arm around the woman she loved and the other around her daughter. A moment passed and then a hand landed on the back of her head and slim fingers petted gently, sifting through her hair in slow strokes.
They stayed like that for a long time, just holding each other, drawing pleasure and comfort in the closeness of the moment.
"There's one thing," Emma whispered at last, her voice small and worried. Most of her fears were eased, but one problem still nagged at her.
Lifting her head from its resting place, Olivia frowned in confusion. "What?" she questioned.
Emma looked back and forth between her mother and Natalia, then finally settled her gaze on Olivia. "Why didn't you tell me you wanna get married?" she questioned.
Olivia froze for a brief moment, then caught her breath. Clearly little ears had been doing some listening in. Reaching out, she brushed a few loose strands of hair off her daughter's brow. "How did you know about that?"
Delicate features creased into a hint of a worried frown. Emma knew she wasn't supposed to eavesdrop and some of her fear of getting into trouble showed in her expression, but finally she explained, "I overheard you...at the farmhouse." She gnawed momentarily on her lower lip. "I know I'm not s'posed to listen, but-"
"It's okay," Olivia soothed. Not that she approved of eavesdropping, but they had bigger issues to deal with. Lectures on good manners could wait. "We'll worry about that later."
"Didn't you trust me?" Emma questioned, hurt by the idea.
"Of course we trust you," Olivia said instantly. She met Natalia's worried gaze, drawing strength from the silent reassurance. "It's just that things have happened so quickly and we haven't been very organized," she explained quietly when she swung her gaze back to her daughter. "But we never meant to make you feel left out..."
Reassured, Emma relaxed a little as she waited for her mother to continue.
"The thing is, Jellybean...Natalia and I? This is a different for both of us and we're still figuring things out." Olivia took a deep breath. "But I'm sorry if we did anything to make you feel bad or like you weren't a part of this decision." Another deep breath as she steadied herself. "So if you have any questions or comments, you're welcome to ask or say whatever you want."
Emma considered the offer for a long moment, her gaze swinging back and forth between the two women. "If you get married, is Natalia gonna be my mommy too, for real, I mean?"
"I certainly hope you'll feel that way." Natalia ruffled Emma's hair with a gentle hand. "Because I know I do."
Resting her hand on a small knee, Olivia peered up at her daughter. "That's what we want, Em, to be a family."
"But...." Emma trailed off and went back to gnawing worriedly on her lower lip.
"What?" Olivia questioned. "You can ask us anything."
The girl was silent for a long moment while she struggled to formulate her question. "It's just..." She fell silent for another moment, then finally asked, "What about daddy? I don't want him to be lonely or think I don't love him. Will he still be my family?"
Once upon a time, Olivia would have flinched and silently wished Phillip wasn't her child's father or cursed Emma's desire to know him, but since his return, he'd been working hard to do things the right way, while whatever madness had driven him for a time seemed to have taken flight. "Of course he will," she assured her daughter. "He will never stop being your father, no matter what." She offered a reassuring smile. "You won't lose anything...you'll just gain another person who loves you. Does that make sense."
"I think so." Emma considered this new information for a long moment, then finally nodded as though she'd just absorbed what she needed. Finally she looked up, a smile tilting her mouth upward as she cheerfully asked, "Can we go to Chuckles tonight?"
Olivia thought her head might spin from the speed of the subject change. Emma never had been one to hang onto her worries for long.
Which meant that she was apparently dealing with things relatively well.
Which only left the subject of...
Chuckles.
Olivia barely stifled a whimper. Once in a week was far more of singing animals than she had any desire to stomach.
And twice?
But then there was the pleading, puppy dog look her daughter was directing her way, coupled with her guilt for making Emma feel left out, and her desire to smooth things over.
But Chuckles.
She was saved from the need to make a decision by a light knock at the door.
Oh good. The kitchen staff had a standing breakfast order on file for her. Pancakes for Emma and coffee for her. Maybe she could deal with the rest of this conversation with a little caffeine in her system. "That'll be breakfast," she explained to Natalia as she pushed to her feet.
"Should I..." Natalia waved a hand toward the bathroom, wondering if maybe she should duck out to avoid being seen.
Olivia just snorted, well aware that the chances the Beacon staff wasn't already well aware of exactly what had transpired during the night were almost nil. Honestly, the little bastards should have been running the CIA. And if by some miracle, they didn't know, it wasn't a secret likely to be kept for long. Might as well start being honest now. "I suspect it would be a wasted effort."
A hint of a nervous smile curved Natalia's mouth upward. "Point taken."
Olivia directed a reassuring smile her way. "But if you're not ready, we can try-"
"No," Natalia responded with a firm head shake, dismissing the idea in a wave of firm resolve. She was tired of hiding and denying. After what they'd shared, to continue to do so would be a sin all its own. She saw Olivia's questioning look and offered a tentative smile just as there was another soft knock. This time she was the one doing the reassuring. "Go on. The Beacon staff waits for no one."
A quick nod and then Olivia was moving toward the door, barely pausing to straighten her robe and tighten the belt before she flipped the lock, then grabbed for the knob.
She froze a beat later as she pulled the door open only to find she wasn't face to face with the expected kitchen staffer delivering breakfast.
Instead Holly Reade peered at her through the narrow gap. "Sorry if I woke you," she quickly apologized as she noted Olivia wasn't dressed. "I just wanted to know if it would be a problem to move our breakfast meeting back an hour."
"Ahm," Olivia mumbled, caught flat-footed. She'd expected a smirking waiter with breakfast, not her old friend. Somehow this made things more complicated where a hotel staffer wouldn't have.
"It's just that I called Blake to let her know I'm in town," Holly explained hurriedly, either not noticing her friend's dazed state or chalking it up to Olivia's infamous inability to wake up in the morning. "And she wanted to get together for coffee before she starts work. I-"
"Liv, could you ask them to..." Natalia started to ask as she stepped up behind her lover. She trailed off abruptly as she realized who stood at the door. "Oh."
"Oh," Holly echoed Natalia's soft exhalation. Her eyes touched on the younger woman's face, dropped down to her bare feet, then snapped back up to meet dark eyes. "Oh?" Arched brows drew into a frown as it occurred to her that Natalia was wearing a robe.
And nothing else.
er gaze snapped over to touch on Olivia, noting the similarity of her wardrobe, then slipped past both of them to the mussed and tumbled bedding and rumpled clothing randomly kicked under the nearby furniture. Caught totally by surprise-of all the things she might have expected to find, this was nowhere on the list-Holly was momentarily struck completely dumb as she struggled to resolve expectation with apparent reality.
Olivia could almost see the thoughts churning in her old friend's brain as she spun the new bits of knowledge around, testing and piecing the puzzle until finally...
"Ohhhh," Holly exhaled. Her eyebrows shot up as understanding threaded through her tone.
Flashing a quick glance over her shoulder, Olivia met worried dark eyes. "Why don't you help Emma get ready for school," she suggested quietly. Not knowing what might be said, she didn't want Emma around to overhear. Her daughter was having enough issues with figuring it all out. She didn't need anyone else's prejudices added to the mix.
Natalia flashed a worried look between the two women at the door. "You sure?" she questioned uncertainly.
A quick nod confirmed the request. "Go on."
Holly watched the young woman slip away, drawing Emma along with a light hand on her narrow shoulder.
"You two are..." she trailed off as she made a small, arcing hand gesture meant to indicate a relationship between the two while her eyebrows rose another notch and a hint of suggestive grin curved the corners of her mouth upward. She chuckled very softly. "I should have known."
Olivia thrust her chin forward pugnaciously, eyes blazing, muscles tense. "Problem?" she growled. She'd long considered Holly a friend, but if she was going to treat this relationship as some kind of joke, friendship be damned, there was going to be hell to pay.
Holly fell back a step in the face of the fiercely protective glare that hardened her friend's features. Seeing the raw emotion glittering in green eyes, her own mood shifted from pruriently curious to placating in a heartbeat. Not just a walk on the wild side, she realized even as she remembered the closeness she'd witnessed the night before. "I just meant that it makes sense now," she quickly explained even as she reordered her thoughts.
A tiny, angry sound vibrated at the base of Olivia's throat. She'd seen the look in Holly's eyes and knew what she was thinking-that it was just a quickie affair designed to provide a few cheap thrills. The hell if she'd let that impression stand. "If you think this is just a one-night stand or some kind of game, then-"
"No," Holly insisted, quickly backpedaling. "I just..." she trailed off momentarily as it occurred to her that she her mind had been running along those lines, if not entirely, then at least partially. After all, it was Olivia Spencer, maneater extraordinaire. For her to be involved with both a woman and someone sweet and utterly wholesome was...not entirely expected. Needing to buy a moment to reset herself, she glanced around. It was still early, but people were starting to appear in the hall. "Are you sure you really want this conversation to happen out here?"
With a brief head shake, Olivia opened the door wide, gesturing Holly in.
Following the silent command, Holly peered curiously at her friend. Of all the things she might have expected from Olivia, this was nowhere on the list, yet now that she saw the situation, it made total sense. Really, it was pure bias that had prevented from seeing the obvious the night before.
As she closed the door and turned, Olivia folded her arms across her chest and glared, her expression so very 'Olivia' that Holly had to fight a smile. She was comfortably certain that wouldn't help calm things at all. Besides, she liked her teeth right where they were.
"Well?" Olivia ground out impatiently after a moment of total silence had passed.
Glancing toward the door to the rest of the suite, Holly noted the soft sounds from the other side, smiling ever so slightly as she picked out the muffled notes of a child's giggles and a woman's gentle teasing. "Natalia seems very sweet," she said after a beat.
"She is." The inviting tone didn't soften Olivia at all. "Everything I told you last night about how she saved me...that was the absolute truth." She wanted it understood that she might have left out some details, but none of them had been made up. She continued to glare for a moment, then looked away, her expression momentarily distant as she whispered, "She's the finest person I've ever known." She swallowed hard, blinking rapidly against the threat of emotional tears. "And this is..." She shook her head ever so slightly, her voice low and intent when she finally found her breath to speak again. "I've never loved anyone like this," she said sincerely.
"I think that's wonderful," Holly replied with a genuine smile. "Seriously." She saw the distrust that glittered in green eyes and hurried to reassure the other woman. "And when I said I should have known, I admit that...for a moment...my brain went exactly where you accused." Sometimes it was best just to put the truth out there, particularly when dealing with a liar as skilled as Olivia Spencer. "But seeing the look in your eyes...and what I saw last night...it's obviously a very deep relationship...and it was shortsighted of me not to realize what I was looking at. Blame it on expectations." She shrugged. "It just didn't occur to me."
Olivia relaxed another notch and managed a small, wry smile. "All things considered, you can probably be forgiven for not leaping to that conclusion."
"But, Olivia, I'm so happy for you," Holly insisted, wanting to stress that whatever her initial thoughts, she really did get it. "She seems wonderful and you really are the most relaxed and content I've ever seen you...which is all good."
Unfolding her arms, Olivia let them fall to her sides and relaxed another notch. "It's her doing," she said very softly, then fastened an almost pleading gaze on Holly. "I wasn't looking for this...and sometimes it scares me, but it's the most real relationship I've ever had."
"Does anyone know?" Holly questioned. Small towns could be cruel, which might explain some of Olivia's defensiveness.
"You mean aside from the entire hotel," Olivia drawled, then shrugged. "A few people...her ex-Frank Cooper...and Father Ray...her priest." Her expression made it clear she wasn't crazy about either man being in the loop.
Holly winced. "From what I remember of Frank, he doesn't seem like the type to deal well with it...and Father Ray..." She trailed off suggestively.
Olivia shrugged. "It's nothing we can't deal with," she responded, her tone measured. "And nothing that isn't a microcosm of what we can expect out in the big, bad world."
"Does Blake know?" Holly asked, her considerations practical. She loved her daughter, but was well aware of her inability to keep a secret.
"No," Olivia said hesitantly, then added a careful, "And we'd really rather she...not...y'know...what with her tendency to..." She trailed off, hesitant to finish the sentiment.
"Be the worst gossip in town?" Holly filled in with a tired sigh. "Don't worry. I won't tell her...won't tell anyone. That's your choice to make." She glanced at her watch as she remembered she'd really only knocked with the intention of delaying their meeting. "And as much as I'd really love to hear more...I should probably get moving if I'm going to spend any time with my daughter." She paused for a moment, then offered an encouraging smile. "I really am happy for you." Reaching out, she patted her old friend's hand, then said a quick goodbye before slipping out.
Alone, Olivia heaved a soft sigh. She was still standing there like that a minute or two later when Natalia returned.
"How'd it go?" she asked a little worriedly.
"Fine...sorta did the surprised routine, but Holly's a good soul. She was happy for us." Olivia reached out, smiling as Natalia tangled their fingers together. A light tug brought her lover into her arms. "How's Emma?"
The question brought a small, wry laugh. "Very...Emma," Natalia murmured as she rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. "She already seems to be back on even keel...and she's so happy to be going home." She exhaled a sad little sigh.
"Hey, what's that for?" Olivia questioned as she heard the tiny depressed sound.
"I just feel bad because she's been hurting over having to leave the farm...and it's my fault." Natalia lifted her head to peer at Olivia, reaching out to run her thumb along her lover's lower lip. "If I had just dealt with my hangups sooner...we would all have been happier."
"Maybe," Olivia allowed, "but maybe not." Feeling Natalia tense, she paused for a moment as she sorted through her thoughts, trying to find a way to put them into words. "What I'm trying to say," she gently stroked dark hair back from her lover's temple, "is that in that past, I've tended to go too fast...push too hard...and it always made fall apart even faster. Maybe the wisest thing we've done is let this happen in its own time. I'm not saying I wouldn't have been thrilled if things had moved faster," she admitted. "But it wouldn't have worked if you weren't ready." Tucking a finger under Natalia's chin, she drew her head up when she would have looked away. "And as for Emma, it would have been harder for her if we'd jumped in too quickly and screwed things up as a result."
"The way I did with Frank," Natalia exhaled, feeling the weight of what her actions had cost them even more acutely after seeing Emma's joy over the thought of returning to the farm-going home.
"We both contributed to that particular romp through hell," Olivia sighed, remembering her own agony when she'd thought she'd lost the other woman forever even as she'd pushed the effort to get Natalia what she'd thought she wanted. "And besides, if we start comparing past relationships...and the mistakes therein...I've got you beat six ways to Sunday." She dusted a soft kiss onto her lover's mouth. "So what say we start fresh?" she suggested. "All that past...junk...just let it go...focus on us...on our future...and our family."
A watery smile curved full lips as Natalia leaned into Olivia, nosing into the side of her neck and clinging. "I love you." She sighed softly as she settled against the taller woman, sinking into her hold gratefully. "I just want our family back...and for things to be the way they were."
Olivia ducked her head, resting her cheek against Natalia's forehead. "Nah," she teased gently. "We're gonna make them a whole lot better."
* * * * * * *
TBC
Author: Pink Rabbit Productions
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Part: 29
Date: 1 May, 2010
Rating: Personally, I'd call it an R, but some might consider it NC-17 at some point.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations belong to other folks far wealthier, more important (or at least with better lawyers), and hopefully more charitable and kinder than I. They include, but are not necessarily limited to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, and Telenext. The actual arrangement of words, however, remains my own as do any original characters. Meanwhile, there is likely to be all female romantic and sexual activity ahead, so if this is likely to get you, me, or anybody else arrested should you take a gander, please move along. Also, if you find that sort of thing offensive, you really probably shouldn't hang around anyplace I'm posting. Just sayin'....
Archiving: The Pink Rabbit Consortium
Spoilers: Some early scenes definitely, plus anything through the spa trip is fair game.
Timeline: Unlike some folks, I don't have an exact scene where this one takes off. However, it's definitely set after the spa trip, but before Rafe's release from the halfway house. Oh, and it's after Natalia admits she's in love with Olivia to Father Ray.
Earlier Parts: | Part 1 (Prologue) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26 | Part 27 | Part 28 | Part 29 |
Life and Breath
by Pink Rabbit Productions
Part 29
Olivia had always liked her suite in the Beacon with the exception of one detail: the eastern exposure that sent a shaft of morning sunlight spraying across the head of her bed if the curtains weren't carefully lapped. It had tormented her on more than one occasion, drawing curses, threats, and the odd early morning valium. And that was when she hadn't been hung over.
What a short-sighted fool she'd been.
Because suddenly she understood its purpose as she lay, head propped on one hand, silently watching the delicate figure curled close, her breathing slow and even.
Curled on her side, with her hair haloed and skin gilded by the morning sun, eyes closed, thick lashes fanning on her cheeks, Natalia looked closer to Emma's age than her own. She was soft, innocent, and heart-stoppingly beautiful and just the chance to lie there and stare made Olivia achingly aware of just how deep her emotions ran.
If this was the final moment of her life, she could die happy.
She was still lying there like that when Natalia stirred and blinked sleepily.
Olivia felt her breath catch, the instinctive fear that Natalia would regret their night together slipping through her before she could call it back.
But there was no regret in the dark gaze that swung up and touched on her face or the slow smile that made its way across cupid's bow lips. "You're awake," Natalia murmured, her voice still thick with sleep. Her smile broadened a notch. "And it's not even ten a.m."
Olivia couldn't restrain a grin. "You inspire me," she said honestly, then reached out and brushed chestnut hair off Natalia's brow, noting the way the glossy strands caught and reflected the morning sunlight in a rainbow of colors.
"Mmm, I like the sound of that," Natalia admitted. She spread her hand where it rested in the curve of Olivia's waist, enjoying the tactile pleasure of touching bare skin. "Because I know I feel pretty inspired around you."
The kiss that followed was slow and sweet, drawing them both in until they clung and arched closer, bodies molding together, mouths tenderly exploring.
Olivia glanced past Natalia's shoulder at her bedside clock. Seven-twenty. Emma was almost never up before eight-thirty. Her daughter was every bit as much of a morning person as she was.
Which meant they almost had enough time to-
A soft knock cut that thought off right there.
Olivia's head snapped up and her eyes went to the main door to her room. Hopefully, it was just someone from the hotel knocking to report an emergency. Because that would be better than-
Another light knock-this time distinctly at her interior suite door, not the one on the hallway.
Oh hell.
Then Emma's voice, soft and muffled, but audibly worried. "Mom?" The door shook, jimmied gently by a small hand. "Are you okay? The door's locked."
"Yeah, baby, there in a second," Olivia called out even as she vaulted out of bed.
"But it's locked," Emma complained, her tone uncertain to a degree that bordered on scared.
Olivia grabbed Natalia's robe where it lay forgotten on the floor. "I know, jellybean..."
"But you never lock the door."
Olivia lobbed the wadded fabric to Natalia as the younger woman jackknifed upright in bed, a panicked expression on her face. "But it's okay." Her own robe hung on the back of the door and she grabbed for it, not bothering to try and sort through the rumpled clothing scattered across the floor. Instead she just shrugged into the magenta silk and kicked various bits of nightwear under the bed and cabinets as she passed them by. She glanced back over her shoulder to see that Natalia had gotten the robe on and swung her legs over the side of the bed.
Not exactly the most innocent scene possible, but highly likely to go over the head of even the most inquisitive eight year-old.
Which pretty much described her youngest child.
Olivia retied her robe, getting it a little tighter this time.
"What do we say?" Natalia whispered uncertainly. This just wasn't something she was used to dealing with. When Rafe was little, she'd mostly avoided dating and definitely avoided...
This.
"The truth," Olivia responded, her tone practical, though some of her worries snuck through. Emma was still working through how to respond to their relationship, and this meant a pretty big change in her little life. "We tell her the truth...explain a few rules changes...and we work through it." She directed a pointed look at her lover. "Okay?" she entreated, needing to know Natalia was in this with her.
"Mom?" Emma questioned again in the background, her voice tremulous.
Natalia flinched, closing her eyes for the briefest moment and straightening her shoulders, fighting the impulse to run. No, this was too important. No chickening out. "Okay," she agreed as she blinked and swung her gaze to touch on Olivia, drawing strength from the reassuring expression in green eyes.
A shared nod, then Olivia reached for the doorknob, clicking the lock off, then swinging the door wide. "Hey, Em," she soothed.
Eyes that were a youthful mirror of her own rose to touch on her. "You never lock the door," Emma pointed out again, her tone a mix of hurt and accusing. Then her gaze swung to find Natalia where she sat on the edge of the bed. A frown creased her small brow as she struggled to work out what was going on, instinctively knowing the locked door had something to do with the change in her mom and Natalia's relationship. "Is it cos' Natalia's here?"
Resting a gentle hand on her daughter's upper back, Olivia urged inside. "Yeah...kinda," she admitted.
Emma continued peering up at her mother with a questioning look. "Cos' a' what you said before...that you're in love?" she asked.
Olivia took a deep breath, ignoring her panicked lover in order to focus on her child. "That's part of it," she said, guiding Emma to sit on the bed, then crouching down in front of her. "Adults...when they're in love, they need to spend private time together...which is what Natalia and I were doing."
Emma flashed a quick look at Natalia, then peered at her mother again. "Are you gonna lock the door all the time now?" she asked, hurt by the idea and covering it badly.
"No," Olivia said immediately, her tone firm. Emma had long had comparatively free run of her room, a habit that had intensified during her illness. Taking that away threatened to do too much damage to their relationship. She felt Natalia tense where she sat next to them. Her quick glance was meant reassure the woman she loved as she considered how best to thread this particular needle. "But a few rules are going to have to change," she explained to Emma when she returned her attention to her daughter. She reached out, smoothing a few stray hairs out of her child's eyes. "We won't lock the door...at least not most of the time, though there might be a rare occasion...I promise," she assured Emma. "But in return, I need a promise from you."
Her expression questioning, Emma peered at her mother for a moment before cautiously asking, "What?"
Directing a quick look toward Natalia, Olivia hoped she'd understand. She got a reassuring nod in return.
Natalia was with Olivia, whatever her plan.
"Don't worry, Em," Olivia soothed, "it's nothing too awful." She rested a hand on her daughter's knee. "I just need you to knock from here on out and wait until either Natalia or I says it's okay to come in...that's it." She offered an encouraging smile. "Think you can handle that?"
Emma nodded slowly, her tone hesitant when she replied, "I guess."
Hearing her daughter's uncertainty, Olivia felt her heart clench with her own worries. She needed Emma to be okay with this. "Maybe it feels a little strange though?" she questioned tenderly, inviting the girl to open up.
Another hesitant nod. "Maybe a little," the child admitted.
"That's okay," Olivia assured her. "It's a change...and change can be a little scary...but Em, Natalia and I both love you very much, and you are always-always-welcome with us. That'll never change." She risked another quick glance at Natalia, soothed by the look directed her way. "We may just need a moment or two before we let you in, 'kay?"
"Why?"
And there was the $25,000 question, Olivia thought as she tried to decide how best to answer that one.
Never lie, she reminded herself. "Well, remember how I said adults need private time?"
Emma nodded.
"That's because adults in love do things together that aren't meant to be shared with anyone else." There. That seemed like a nicely non-specific way of putting it.
"You mean like kissin' 'n' stuff?" Emma questioned, cutting straight to the chase.
Olivia felt as much as heard Natalia's tiny whimper even as she barely covered a wince. Gah, she so wasn't ready for this. Maybe she could-
No, she cut that plan off right there. Never lie to your daughter. Instead she nodded, the movement a little unsteady, but definite. "That's part of it," she admitted, amazed she didn't hear the crack of the sound barrier as Natalia made a break for it. Openness on sexual issues wasn't her strong suit. Meanwhile, hopefully, Emma wouldn't decide to further pursue that line of questioning because Olivia wasn't sure she or Natalia would survive if she did.
To her credit, Natalia pushed down the urge to flee and reached out to rest a gentle hand on Olivia's shoulder, letting her know she was there and wasn't going anywhere. "But it's a lot more," she added, her voice soft and shy. She peered at Olivia, eyes liquid with emotion. "It's also talking or holding hands...or just looking at each other." She swung her gaze back to Emma, seeing the confusion and question there. "When you really love someone," she tried to explain after a beat, "you need time to just be alone together."
That seemed to satisfy Emma because her chin bobbed in a small nod. "Are you gonna sleep here all the time now?" she asked after some consideration.
Out of the mouths of babes, Olivia thought as her daughter voiced the question she hadn't had either the chance or the courage to ask. Since they'd discussed marriage, it loomed on the horizon, but she wasn't sure how the most recent change in their relationship might have altered the timetable.
Natalia flashed panicked look at Olivia, then took a deep breath to nerve herself up. "Your mom and I haven't really talked about that," she admitted, tucking a finger under Emma's chin and smoothing her thumb along a gently rounded cheek. "But I'm hoping you'll both come back and live with me at the farm again." She turned a hopeful look back toward Olivia, wondering if she should have said something before bringing it up with Emma. Then again, they'd talked marriage, so living together didn't seem too outrageous an idea. "If it's okay with you and your mom," she added hopefully.
Any trepidation disappeared in an instant as Olivia smiled broadly, her eyes suspiciously bright. "I'd love that," she said quickly, then turned a hopeful gaze her daughter's direction. "Whaddya say, Em? Would you like to move back to the farmhouse?"
"Really?" The little girl's voice throbbed with hope as she peered up at her mom. "We can go back home?"
It was Natalia's turn to wince at the longing in the child's tone, and the way she referred to the farm so automatically as her home. It hurt to think of what her own confusion and indecision had cost Emma. "Yeah, sweetie. I'd like nothing better than for you and your mom to come home for good." She turned her gaze back to Olivia. "In fact, I'd love to have you back as soon as possible."
Emma's gaze swung back and forth between the two adults, flashing her most pleading, hopeful look back and forth with practiced skill.
Feeling her chest compress with a familiar swell of emotion-Emma was quite the little manipulator when she wanted to be-Olivia brushed her daughter's hair back with a gentle hand. "I'll start making calls and arrangements." Her gaze met Natalia's and they shared a private smile. "It may take a couple of days," she allowed, then swung her gaze back to her daughter, "but I promise you, we'll be back in time for the next movie night."
Emma finally managed a tentative grin. Her mom always kept her promises, so if she said they were moving back home, they were moving back home.
"In the meantime," Olivia continued, her eyes on Natalia though her words were for her daughter, "I'm hoping Natalia will stay here with us until we can get moved."
Natalia nodded, her hopes and dreams for their future reflected in her eyes.
She got a tiny nod of acknowledgment in return and there was a brief moment of communication that was for them alone as they both silently confirmed this was what they wanted.
"I'd love that," Natalia said at last, her tone wholly sincere. Twisting to face Emma, she brushed silky hair back from the girl's brow with a gentle hand as she peered into eyes that were an innocent version of her lover's perceptive gaze. "Em, I want you to know how glad I am that you and your mom are moving home. I've missed you both so much." Stroking her fingers down a small, rounded cheek, she ended the caress by tucking her fingers under Emma's chin. "And I also want you to know that I understand that this is sometimes a little hard and confusing for you, but I love your mom and I love you...and I just want us to be a family again...like we were before." Releasing her loose hold on the child's chin, she slipped her other arm across Emma's shoulders, hugging her close.
Emma tensed momentarily, then leaned against Natalia's side, slipping an arm around the woman and nosing into her side with a soft sigh. Natalia had become like a second mother to her and the various emotional upheavals since the near-marriage fiasco had left her feeling uncertain. As Natalia tenderly ruffled her hair and hugged her close, her fears dissolved away and she settled in.
For Natalia, as she felt the child she'd come to love as her own melt against her side, it was like the final piece of the puzzle slipped back into place. Ducking her head, she pressed a soft kiss to the top of Emma's head, then rested her cheek against silky hair. "I love you, kiddo," she whispered. "Never doubt that."
Watching the two people she loved most in the world cling to each other, Olivia felt the fears knotting her stomach let go. They were going to be okay. Leaning forward, she rested her cheek on Natalia's thigh, wrapping one arm around the woman she loved and the other around her daughter. A moment passed and then a hand landed on the back of her head and slim fingers petted gently, sifting through her hair in slow strokes.
They stayed like that for a long time, just holding each other, drawing pleasure and comfort in the closeness of the moment.
"There's one thing," Emma whispered at last, her voice small and worried. Most of her fears were eased, but one problem still nagged at her.
Lifting her head from its resting place, Olivia frowned in confusion. "What?" she questioned.
Emma looked back and forth between her mother and Natalia, then finally settled her gaze on Olivia. "Why didn't you tell me you wanna get married?" she questioned.
Olivia froze for a brief moment, then caught her breath. Clearly little ears had been doing some listening in. Reaching out, she brushed a few loose strands of hair off her daughter's brow. "How did you know about that?"
Delicate features creased into a hint of a worried frown. Emma knew she wasn't supposed to eavesdrop and some of her fear of getting into trouble showed in her expression, but finally she explained, "I overheard you...at the farmhouse." She gnawed momentarily on her lower lip. "I know I'm not s'posed to listen, but-"
"It's okay," Olivia soothed. Not that she approved of eavesdropping, but they had bigger issues to deal with. Lectures on good manners could wait. "We'll worry about that later."
"Didn't you trust me?" Emma questioned, hurt by the idea.
"Of course we trust you," Olivia said instantly. She met Natalia's worried gaze, drawing strength from the silent reassurance. "It's just that things have happened so quickly and we haven't been very organized," she explained quietly when she swung her gaze back to her daughter. "But we never meant to make you feel left out..."
Reassured, Emma relaxed a little as she waited for her mother to continue.
"The thing is, Jellybean...Natalia and I? This is a different for both of us and we're still figuring things out." Olivia took a deep breath. "But I'm sorry if we did anything to make you feel bad or like you weren't a part of this decision." Another deep breath as she steadied herself. "So if you have any questions or comments, you're welcome to ask or say whatever you want."
Emma considered the offer for a long moment, her gaze swinging back and forth between the two women. "If you get married, is Natalia gonna be my mommy too, for real, I mean?"
"I certainly hope you'll feel that way." Natalia ruffled Emma's hair with a gentle hand. "Because I know I do."
Resting her hand on a small knee, Olivia peered up at her daughter. "That's what we want, Em, to be a family."
"But...." Emma trailed off and went back to gnawing worriedly on her lower lip.
"What?" Olivia questioned. "You can ask us anything."
The girl was silent for a long moment while she struggled to formulate her question. "It's just..." She fell silent for another moment, then finally asked, "What about daddy? I don't want him to be lonely or think I don't love him. Will he still be my family?"
Once upon a time, Olivia would have flinched and silently wished Phillip wasn't her child's father or cursed Emma's desire to know him, but since his return, he'd been working hard to do things the right way, while whatever madness had driven him for a time seemed to have taken flight. "Of course he will," she assured her daughter. "He will never stop being your father, no matter what." She offered a reassuring smile. "You won't lose anything...you'll just gain another person who loves you. Does that make sense."
"I think so." Emma considered this new information for a long moment, then finally nodded as though she'd just absorbed what she needed. Finally she looked up, a smile tilting her mouth upward as she cheerfully asked, "Can we go to Chuckles tonight?"
Olivia thought her head might spin from the speed of the subject change. Emma never had been one to hang onto her worries for long.
Which meant that she was apparently dealing with things relatively well.
Which only left the subject of...
Chuckles.
Olivia barely stifled a whimper. Once in a week was far more of singing animals than she had any desire to stomach.
And twice?
But then there was the pleading, puppy dog look her daughter was directing her way, coupled with her guilt for making Emma feel left out, and her desire to smooth things over.
But Chuckles.
She was saved from the need to make a decision by a light knock at the door.
Oh good. The kitchen staff had a standing breakfast order on file for her. Pancakes for Emma and coffee for her. Maybe she could deal with the rest of this conversation with a little caffeine in her system. "That'll be breakfast," she explained to Natalia as she pushed to her feet.
"Should I..." Natalia waved a hand toward the bathroom, wondering if maybe she should duck out to avoid being seen.
Olivia just snorted, well aware that the chances the Beacon staff wasn't already well aware of exactly what had transpired during the night were almost nil. Honestly, the little bastards should have been running the CIA. And if by some miracle, they didn't know, it wasn't a secret likely to be kept for long. Might as well start being honest now. "I suspect it would be a wasted effort."
A hint of a nervous smile curved Natalia's mouth upward. "Point taken."
Olivia directed a reassuring smile her way. "But if you're not ready, we can try-"
"No," Natalia responded with a firm head shake, dismissing the idea in a wave of firm resolve. She was tired of hiding and denying. After what they'd shared, to continue to do so would be a sin all its own. She saw Olivia's questioning look and offered a tentative smile just as there was another soft knock. This time she was the one doing the reassuring. "Go on. The Beacon staff waits for no one."
A quick nod and then Olivia was moving toward the door, barely pausing to straighten her robe and tighten the belt before she flipped the lock, then grabbed for the knob.
She froze a beat later as she pulled the door open only to find she wasn't face to face with the expected kitchen staffer delivering breakfast.
Instead Holly Reade peered at her through the narrow gap. "Sorry if I woke you," she quickly apologized as she noted Olivia wasn't dressed. "I just wanted to know if it would be a problem to move our breakfast meeting back an hour."
"Ahm," Olivia mumbled, caught flat-footed. She'd expected a smirking waiter with breakfast, not her old friend. Somehow this made things more complicated where a hotel staffer wouldn't have.
"It's just that I called Blake to let her know I'm in town," Holly explained hurriedly, either not noticing her friend's dazed state or chalking it up to Olivia's infamous inability to wake up in the morning. "And she wanted to get together for coffee before she starts work. I-"
"Liv, could you ask them to..." Natalia started to ask as she stepped up behind her lover. She trailed off abruptly as she realized who stood at the door. "Oh."
"Oh," Holly echoed Natalia's soft exhalation. Her eyes touched on the younger woman's face, dropped down to her bare feet, then snapped back up to meet dark eyes. "Oh?" Arched brows drew into a frown as it occurred to her that Natalia was wearing a robe.
And nothing else.
er gaze snapped over to touch on Olivia, noting the similarity of her wardrobe, then slipped past both of them to the mussed and tumbled bedding and rumpled clothing randomly kicked under the nearby furniture. Caught totally by surprise-of all the things she might have expected to find, this was nowhere on the list-Holly was momentarily struck completely dumb as she struggled to resolve expectation with apparent reality.
Olivia could almost see the thoughts churning in her old friend's brain as she spun the new bits of knowledge around, testing and piecing the puzzle until finally...
"Ohhhh," Holly exhaled. Her eyebrows shot up as understanding threaded through her tone.
Flashing a quick glance over her shoulder, Olivia met worried dark eyes. "Why don't you help Emma get ready for school," she suggested quietly. Not knowing what might be said, she didn't want Emma around to overhear. Her daughter was having enough issues with figuring it all out. She didn't need anyone else's prejudices added to the mix.
Natalia flashed a worried look between the two women at the door. "You sure?" she questioned uncertainly.
A quick nod confirmed the request. "Go on."
Holly watched the young woman slip away, drawing Emma along with a light hand on her narrow shoulder.
"You two are..." she trailed off as she made a small, arcing hand gesture meant to indicate a relationship between the two while her eyebrows rose another notch and a hint of suggestive grin curved the corners of her mouth upward. She chuckled very softly. "I should have known."
Olivia thrust her chin forward pugnaciously, eyes blazing, muscles tense. "Problem?" she growled. She'd long considered Holly a friend, but if she was going to treat this relationship as some kind of joke, friendship be damned, there was going to be hell to pay.
Holly fell back a step in the face of the fiercely protective glare that hardened her friend's features. Seeing the raw emotion glittering in green eyes, her own mood shifted from pruriently curious to placating in a heartbeat. Not just a walk on the wild side, she realized even as she remembered the closeness she'd witnessed the night before. "I just meant that it makes sense now," she quickly explained even as she reordered her thoughts.
A tiny, angry sound vibrated at the base of Olivia's throat. She'd seen the look in Holly's eyes and knew what she was thinking-that it was just a quickie affair designed to provide a few cheap thrills. The hell if she'd let that impression stand. "If you think this is just a one-night stand or some kind of game, then-"
"No," Holly insisted, quickly backpedaling. "I just..." she trailed off momentarily as it occurred to her that she her mind had been running along those lines, if not entirely, then at least partially. After all, it was Olivia Spencer, maneater extraordinaire. For her to be involved with both a woman and someone sweet and utterly wholesome was...not entirely expected. Needing to buy a moment to reset herself, she glanced around. It was still early, but people were starting to appear in the hall. "Are you sure you really want this conversation to happen out here?"
With a brief head shake, Olivia opened the door wide, gesturing Holly in.
Following the silent command, Holly peered curiously at her friend. Of all the things she might have expected from Olivia, this was nowhere on the list, yet now that she saw the situation, it made total sense. Really, it was pure bias that had prevented from seeing the obvious the night before.
As she closed the door and turned, Olivia folded her arms across her chest and glared, her expression so very 'Olivia' that Holly had to fight a smile. She was comfortably certain that wouldn't help calm things at all. Besides, she liked her teeth right where they were.
"Well?" Olivia ground out impatiently after a moment of total silence had passed.
Glancing toward the door to the rest of the suite, Holly noted the soft sounds from the other side, smiling ever so slightly as she picked out the muffled notes of a child's giggles and a woman's gentle teasing. "Natalia seems very sweet," she said after a beat.
"She is." The inviting tone didn't soften Olivia at all. "Everything I told you last night about how she saved me...that was the absolute truth." She wanted it understood that she might have left out some details, but none of them had been made up. She continued to glare for a moment, then looked away, her expression momentarily distant as she whispered, "She's the finest person I've ever known." She swallowed hard, blinking rapidly against the threat of emotional tears. "And this is..." She shook her head ever so slightly, her voice low and intent when she finally found her breath to speak again. "I've never loved anyone like this," she said sincerely.
"I think that's wonderful," Holly replied with a genuine smile. "Seriously." She saw the distrust that glittered in green eyes and hurried to reassure the other woman. "And when I said I should have known, I admit that...for a moment...my brain went exactly where you accused." Sometimes it was best just to put the truth out there, particularly when dealing with a liar as skilled as Olivia Spencer. "But seeing the look in your eyes...and what I saw last night...it's obviously a very deep relationship...and it was shortsighted of me not to realize what I was looking at. Blame it on expectations." She shrugged. "It just didn't occur to me."
Olivia relaxed another notch and managed a small, wry smile. "All things considered, you can probably be forgiven for not leaping to that conclusion."
"But, Olivia, I'm so happy for you," Holly insisted, wanting to stress that whatever her initial thoughts, she really did get it. "She seems wonderful and you really are the most relaxed and content I've ever seen you...which is all good."
Unfolding her arms, Olivia let them fall to her sides and relaxed another notch. "It's her doing," she said very softly, then fastened an almost pleading gaze on Holly. "I wasn't looking for this...and sometimes it scares me, but it's the most real relationship I've ever had."
"Does anyone know?" Holly questioned. Small towns could be cruel, which might explain some of Olivia's defensiveness.
"You mean aside from the entire hotel," Olivia drawled, then shrugged. "A few people...her ex-Frank Cooper...and Father Ray...her priest." Her expression made it clear she wasn't crazy about either man being in the loop.
Holly winced. "From what I remember of Frank, he doesn't seem like the type to deal well with it...and Father Ray..." She trailed off suggestively.
Olivia shrugged. "It's nothing we can't deal with," she responded, her tone measured. "And nothing that isn't a microcosm of what we can expect out in the big, bad world."
"Does Blake know?" Holly asked, her considerations practical. She loved her daughter, but was well aware of her inability to keep a secret.
"No," Olivia said hesitantly, then added a careful, "And we'd really rather she...not...y'know...what with her tendency to..." She trailed off, hesitant to finish the sentiment.
"Be the worst gossip in town?" Holly filled in with a tired sigh. "Don't worry. I won't tell her...won't tell anyone. That's your choice to make." She glanced at her watch as she remembered she'd really only knocked with the intention of delaying their meeting. "And as much as I'd really love to hear more...I should probably get moving if I'm going to spend any time with my daughter." She paused for a moment, then offered an encouraging smile. "I really am happy for you." Reaching out, she patted her old friend's hand, then said a quick goodbye before slipping out.
Alone, Olivia heaved a soft sigh. She was still standing there like that a minute or two later when Natalia returned.
"How'd it go?" she asked a little worriedly.
"Fine...sorta did the surprised routine, but Holly's a good soul. She was happy for us." Olivia reached out, smiling as Natalia tangled their fingers together. A light tug brought her lover into her arms. "How's Emma?"
The question brought a small, wry laugh. "Very...Emma," Natalia murmured as she rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. "She already seems to be back on even keel...and she's so happy to be going home." She exhaled a sad little sigh.
"Hey, what's that for?" Olivia questioned as she heard the tiny depressed sound.
"I just feel bad because she's been hurting over having to leave the farm...and it's my fault." Natalia lifted her head to peer at Olivia, reaching out to run her thumb along her lover's lower lip. "If I had just dealt with my hangups sooner...we would all have been happier."
"Maybe," Olivia allowed, "but maybe not." Feeling Natalia tense, she paused for a moment as she sorted through her thoughts, trying to find a way to put them into words. "What I'm trying to say," she gently stroked dark hair back from her lover's temple, "is that in that past, I've tended to go too fast...push too hard...and it always made fall apart even faster. Maybe the wisest thing we've done is let this happen in its own time. I'm not saying I wouldn't have been thrilled if things had moved faster," she admitted. "But it wouldn't have worked if you weren't ready." Tucking a finger under Natalia's chin, she drew her head up when she would have looked away. "And as for Emma, it would have been harder for her if we'd jumped in too quickly and screwed things up as a result."
"The way I did with Frank," Natalia exhaled, feeling the weight of what her actions had cost them even more acutely after seeing Emma's joy over the thought of returning to the farm-going home.
"We both contributed to that particular romp through hell," Olivia sighed, remembering her own agony when she'd thought she'd lost the other woman forever even as she'd pushed the effort to get Natalia what she'd thought she wanted. "And besides, if we start comparing past relationships...and the mistakes therein...I've got you beat six ways to Sunday." She dusted a soft kiss onto her lover's mouth. "So what say we start fresh?" she suggested. "All that past...junk...just let it go...focus on us...on our future...and our family."
A watery smile curved full lips as Natalia leaned into Olivia, nosing into the side of her neck and clinging. "I love you." She sighed softly as she settled against the taller woman, sinking into her hold gratefully. "I just want our family back...and for things to be the way they were."
Olivia ducked her head, resting her cheek against Natalia's forehead. "Nah," she teased gently. "We're gonna make them a whole lot better."
* * * * * * *
TBC