placid_chaos

placid_chaos

Late night oblivion... 9/1/2002

placid_chaos Mar 22, 2003 14:10

( Alone Again
by Shellie Sanchez
Four o'clock in the morning
Afraid to open my eyes
Another day of grief,
A day of fear.
All alone I feel.
I try to justify all the pain,
All of this guilt before my eyes.Another day of confusion,
A day of wondering.
Is it ever just going to go away?
All this pain that I feel,
And all this anger, is it going to stay?

Ten o'clock in the evening,
Afraid of the nightmares.
Again my breathing stops.
All I can do is stare into the night.
What is it that causes this feeling?
Another night of crying,
A night of hiding,
Alone once again.
My heart feels empty,
And I can't cry another tear.
Another day wasted on insecurity,
A day of wonder.
Is this ever going to end? )

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Breakfast In Bed... 8/30/2002

placid_chaos Mar 22, 2003 14:09

( I had to run out last night to get some 'breakfast items' for the kids in the morning. After I put the cherubs in bed I had Molly baby-sit while I ran over to the grocery store. )

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Into each life some rain must fall. 8/29/2002

placid_chaos Mar 22, 2003 14:08

( Today is cold, raw and damp outside, as it has been raining non-stop all day. I swear that Mother Nature is suffering from Alzheimer's and is bringing autumn to us a bit too soon. The weather we have had this past week is much like autumn weather. I don't know if that is why my spirits are down or not, because I hate autumn. As pretty as it is here in New England, it means change. Change leads to death. I hate the next two seasons with a passion. )

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8/28/02--PTSD and stuff

placid_chaos Mar 22, 2003 14:06

( I have debated on making another entry today. It is mainly because I am hormonal from the Plague of Eve, but also because I tend to let words hit me in ways that trigger my own inner feelings. When I read something that causes the switch to turn on, there is no stopping the voices in my head. I flash back to events that are triggered, and then have them hit me in every different direction as they swirl around in my head. )

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8/27/02

placid_chaos Mar 22, 2003 13:58

( I don't know why I chose that title above, but I do feel like I have a swing shift when Ralph leaves and I have my life back. Yesterday was a very good day. I felt so much more at ease and relaxed as much as possible. It is wonderful not to have the tension that I have during the weekends when dickhead is here. I am one of those people that has no problem hiding her emotions (as you probably can tell) when I am unhappy. In certain situations, I can't put on my 'go with the flow' mask. I don't like him, I don't want him and I don't need him, so I show it while he is here. )

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8/26/02

placid_chaos Mar 22, 2003 13:56

( )

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Boys look lovely in Magenta--8/23/02

placid_chaos Mar 22, 2003 13:48

( Oh yes, another uneventful day here at the L-onlyChild household. Normal things, really. Fighting over a gameboy that both boys wanted to play at the same time. Of course, this did lead to high-pitched screaming, inducing even higher-pitched screaming by the Autistic child that can not handle someone trying to outdo her vocal chords. )

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8/23/2002

placid_chaos Mar 22, 2003 13:46

( I am the Tasmanian Devil, cleaning things that I haven't cleaned in weeks. It feels so good to be active. I just wish I had this activity need during the day all the time! )

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8/20/02

placid_chaos Mar 22, 2003 13:43

( After having my van towed down to the gas station at the end of our street, I decided it was time to swallow my pride and call DMR. For all that don't know about these agencies, the Dept. of Mental Retardation (hate that name) also takes on Autism cases and helps families that have severely afflicted children in their home. They offer everything from support to services. Some of those services include financial help. That help can be anything from clothing to household needs and vehicle repair. )

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Speaking to my voices.... 8/20/2002

placid_chaos Mar 22, 2003 13:39

( I went off to bed a bit too late last night. My mind was racing, as it sometimes does when I have suppressed some thoughts and they finally break loose from their brick wall. )

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