i'm about 95% sure that i want to have surgery...i still waiver on a few things here and there, which are all pretty much my own hang ups.  i used to be very against surgery because i (like many people) assumed it to be the *easy way out* for a long time, but after knowing more and more people who have gone through it and researching it much more  ( Read more... )

apparently i fail.  i fail at life and at weight loss ( Read more... )

tonight the weight loss show that i was a finalist for (one of 18 out of 15,000...still can't believe that!!!) premiers.  i am so very excited for all my friends who did get picked (8 of the 18) and i can't wait for the world to watch them change their lives!!!  so make sure you tune in tonight to abc at 10/9 central ( Read more... )

i tend to jinx myself when i say *i'm going to do x, y, and z*, but you know what, this year i am making goals and i'm going to keep those goals...even if it kills me.  some will probably seem silly, but i'd like it all written out for myself anyway.

2011 is MY year...it IS going to be the year i change my life and everything about me once and for ( Read more... )

this song pretty much sums up how i am feeling right now and all the craziness going on...

i just have to keep repeating to myself that it's in gods hands and whatever is meant to be, will be.

i will explain more later, but for now, this is how confused i am.

It's when my world comes down
You wanna change your little ways
Tomorrow's another start
But ( Read more... )

that even though i spent the past ten years imagining this would happen...it's still a shocker.  i spent our whole relationship fearing this and thinking it would happen and i built up the wall so that when it did happen, i wouldn't be hurt...yet it hurts worse than i ever imagined.

maybe it's because of the circumstances (which i WILL explain in ( Read more... )

i know i haven't posted in forever and i'll probably never be able to catch up, but basically the biggest change in my life since the last time i wrote is that...i am single.  it's weird, painful, and kinda okay at the same time.  not that i haven't *technically* been single for the past six years (for all purposes we were on again/off again ( Read more... )

it obviously hasn't happened yet, hahaha.  oops!!!  i've meant to, but most of my free time right now is taken up by studying math.  i am so freaked out about taking the compass exam.  well, really just the math portion.  math was my absolute worst subject in school and i wish i would have paid more attention/not skipped class as much.  you live ( Read more... )

yikes.  as i started my last entry off...you'd think i'd have more time to update now that i don't have a job.  however, the job situation should be changing on tuesday!!!  i am supposed to start my new job that day.  i say supposed to because i had to take a drug/background test (not that i was worried about passing the drug test, but if they base ( Read more... )

tomorrow marks three months since my life has changed forever.  you would think that without a job i'd be able to keep up with updating a bit better, but alas, i'm still slacking.  i really need to get back in the habit as it will just be another tool that helps me in this final (and i say final because i am NEVER going to have 400+ pounds to lose ( Read more... )