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Dear Diary... for you are my only friend in unlife
I am beginning to have serious doubts that anyone loves me on this island. Today they tried to auction me off to the Trading Post in exchange for clothing. When the store owner asked what was so special about me, they pushed me off a cliff and replied, “LOOK! AN UNDEAD…THING!”
Oh my god, I have feelings TOO you guys! I would end it all knowing ( Read more... ) -
Baby Juice & You!
I finally found one for that juice box chick on how to make my specialty juice preference. Since baby juice isn’t really a commodity item you can pick up at the market (unless you're in Undercity), let me introduce you to the thing I use to get that vitamin rich lab test juice jar for you:
The Baby Juicer 9000!
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Look Who I Found!
Look who I managed to snag! I didn’t think he’d still be alive inside that bright white plane of doom but apparently he’s more resilient than I give his twiggy little race credit. Since I’m on a ship with a military nut and an emo swordsman, I figured adding Justice Boy into the mix would make things more entertaining to me. Thing needed a ( Read more... ) -
Richard's Back, Back Again...Oh My God...Tell a Friend!
That’s right, I’m back bitches. Did you all miss me? Had to take care of a little “extermination problem” at my place for a bit. Missionaries…what a pain in my bones sometimes. Do you know how tedious it is to scrub holy water out of…well…just about anything? It’s no easy feat. Gruesomely delightful, yes! Easy, no. None of my village peons are ( Read more... ) -
My New Hobby - The "Child Choker" Smoker
Apparently the guys over at the Marine Corp aren’t too impressed with the lack of bounties coming in. So a new freelance mercenary company by the name of Shoot ‘Em Dead Bounties Inc. have decided to wrangle up some criminals in order to clean the seas of unwanted baddies. They’re a new start-up company and looking to hire on some new agents. So I ( Read more... ) -
O Holy Night... (The Near Theme Song)
My lameness is brightly SHIIIIIIIINING!!!
I am a player...that sucks at my ROLLLLLLLE!
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII can't take a JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!
BECAUUUUUUUUUUUSE I suck at CRAAAAAAAACK GAMES!!
OH WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY won't people PLAYYYYYYYYYYYY WITH ME!!
Oh niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight....when Near sucked asssss!!!
Oh Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii suck ( Read more... ) -
The Second Coming of the Apocalypse Returns in Sparkly White!
Yes, I have sold out to a bleach commercial. All of you can kiss my white, bony ass about it. I have spent a great deal of time figuring out how to use my powers for ultimate nefarious evil. Nothing of extreme use is coming up yet, but for now enjoy the fact that the fleet boats are a BLINDINGLY WHITE GLEAMING RAY OF INTENSE EYE SHRIVELING LIGHT! ( Read more... ) -
I Knew It!
I knew those dancing sea ponies would steal my ideas and give them away to others! Can’t trust those bloody underwater merfolk for the death of you! Though I guess in the grand scheme of things, I should be quite flattered that this little girl took my ideas to heart. She must be a tenor voice since she went out of her way to mimic me. But I ( Read more... ) -
They Shall Bend to My Will
Oh the mass murder! The mayhem! The flock of spiritual escapades I’ve relished in!
…and it seems my crew has accidentally forgotten me.
Hmm…this is a bit of a dilemma.
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Can't Help Myself
So who wants to take bets on how long the Emo-bot is going to last before he:
A) Offs himself in the wankiest of manners.
B) Someone puts the damn bucket of steel and bolts out of its misery.