my eyes are burning.
this hurts...& they're bloodshot. red, red, red.

& the game being played next to me is loud, loud, loud... it hurts my ears.
machine guns, volume all the way up, rapid fire.
god, i hate boys.

...i don't know.
i guess i need something...

...something something something...

i can now die happy.

canal days, yesterday:
      i took omar to canal days, the annual fairport crowdfest, complete with hand-made, overpriced creations, probably delicious food that you can smell all over town, & enough root beer & kettlecorn to give you a heart attack...not even to mention the $5.00 peanuts that are more than worth it...
       ( Read more... )

so ( Read more... )

my mind is giving up, wasting away from lack of trust/use; i was outside last night smoking & singing, & crying. he was here, here but gone, miles away; we didn't/don't understand each other.

he looks away when i cry, then he wipes the tears away & kisses the drops from my eyelashes, not understanding because i don't explain.
yes, it's you -- it's ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

yeah, say what you will ( Read more... )

why do i keep eating?! i swear to fucking god, in this sweat & strangled rage, i barely fucking eat but a few pretzels & a bowl of soup a day is too much, it's all too much, a single piece of gum is too much because EVERYTHING HAS CALORIES! sugars, carbs, that SATURATED FAT that we all know & HATE; everything i do is wrong! it's not enough to stop ( Read more... )

so.

sobriety is easy.

& i've found out that it's harder to quit cocaine than cigarettes.
...hmm.

oh, my, god ( Read more... )

      i've been successfully sober for fifteen days. it's incredible: i go from smoking eighty bucks worth of weed a day, to a complete dead stop. nothing is the same. life isn't as thrilling; i don't feel the rush of getting away with anything. the colors, along with the people, are duller. somehow, even driving isn't the same without someone ( Read more... )