Addictive Obsession ~ Chapter Fourteen | part one
Title: Addictive obsession
Authors: aroruae & fighter_of_moon
Pairing: Akame, slight Kokame & Jinda
Genre: Smut, AU, drama, tragedy
Warnings: use of drugs, whoring, slaving, insanity, bad language, incest and a lot more to come xD You've been warned, so don't read if you don't want to see them in a lot of pain *evil laugh*
Disclaimer: They don't belong to us, but we're in the process of making it true!! The proof is Jin's twitter~ And now his facebook and OMG, youtube account!!
Summary: Kazuya’s addiction becomes Jin’s obsession. They came to need each other to the extend of wanting to kill.
First Scent ~ Strawberry
Second Scent ~ Poison
Third Scent ~ Musk
Fourth Scent ~ Ecstasy
Fifth Scent ~ Spring
Sixth Scent ~ Fear
Seventh Scent ~ Sky
Eighth Scent ~ Winter
Ninth Scent ~ Loneliness
Tenth Scent ~ Run
Eleventh Scent ~ You
Twelfth Scent ~ Statice
Thirteenth Scent ~ Body
Chapter fourteen
Fourteenth scent ~ Memory
Sometimes, time passes so quickly that we feel we hadn’t had enough of it and that we could have done so much more if we had had more time. Other times, it passes so slowly that we spend our time with our eyes glued to the clock, hoping that this will make it pass faster and crying inside when we see the seconds passing slower than usual. And then there are moments when time passes normally, when we finish what we had to do and we don’t need more or less hours.
Kazuya wasn’t actually sure how time had passed for him in these last few days, but either way, the day Jin would come after him had finally arrived. He still didn’t know if he was anxious to see the other one again, but he definitely needed another person than his father to talk to and not over the phone. Like all the years, it had been a mistake to take such a long leave from school just to be with his father on his birthday. It had been obvious from the beginning that his presence was half desired, but he still chose to believe that maybe his old man was in fact wishing for his son to be with him, to spend more time with him. And he had been proven wrong again, but he won’t complain, he’ll just watch over his dad like a dutiful son should do.
But no matter what, he had to say to his father that Jin will come after him and that… that he was his boyfriend; not that to Kazuya it mattered that much, but still. So he decided to wait a little after they ate breakfast and resumed their usual doings. His father would sit at the table, reading the newspaper while he would be cleaning up the table where they would have just eaten - that would be the perfect moment.
“Dad…” Kazuya said, coughing a little to draw his father’s attention. It took a while, but he managed and when his father’s eyes settled on him, Kazuya knew that it will be harder to say than he imagined. “There’s someone coming over…” he continued with a small voice, feeling like a teenager who had to ask permission.
“So?” his father asked, seeing that Kazuya suddenly lost his words. “It wouldn’t be the first.” The old man shrugged as if it was not a big deal and in fact it wasn’t. If Kazuya had friends, that meant only good for both of them. His son has finally broken the vicious circle in which his mother had closed him into and he could ease his conscience of not taking responsibility for Kazuya since he was little.
“I know.” The younger fidgeted under his father’s stare. “This one… is a bit different.” Kazuya added and looked carefully at his father who didn’t sweat a thing. In fact, his father was already suspicious of the mysterious person Kazuya was talking about. “He… well, we -” Kazuya took a deep breath. “- we… are more than friends.”
His father narrowed his eyes, looking attentive at his son. “Are you saying that he is your lover?” he asked, his voice calm and steady. And after what seemed like an eternity, Kazuya nodded. “Good grace.” His father muttered and put down the paper. “What’s the meaning of this, Kazuya!” he raised his voice a little while his hand was clutched on the blouse he was wearing, around his heart area. “I took you away from your mother so that you wouldn’t become a …” his father stopped from saying what he had in mind, knowing that he will hurt Kazuya. “I didn’t want for you to become… like this.” He whispered, his face pale and his voice saddened.
There came a silence where none of them said a thing. Kazuya looked down at the floor, while his father kept blaming himself for what had just happened. When he had taken Kazuya away from his mother, he had tried, had hoped to offer the boy a brighter future, a chance to a life he never really knew. He wanted him to see the beauty, he wanted him to leave behind his horrid past and be normal. But having a boyfriend was nowhere near normal and he was the only one to be blamed.
“Do you love him?” his father asked and Kazuya looked up automatically.
“He says he loves me.” The younger answered, feeling his jaw glued.
“I asked you about your feelings, not his.” The older man countered and stood up from the table, an action he quite regretted seeing the flashing expression Kazuya just had. It was one of fear, the sole thing he didn’t want to cause his son to feel. “I want to know why you are with him, that’s why I’m asking.” his father explained further, making small steps towards his son.
“I don’t know.” Kazuya finally answered, licking his lips nervously. What was his father doing all of a sudden? After all these years where he had ignored whatever Kazuya did, now he was concerned about whom Kazuya fucked?! He hadn’t expected such a reaction, less such a worried tone. “I mean… I think there is something I feel for him, but I don’t know if it’s love.” Kazuya continued, though his mind completed or I don’t believe it’s love.
“Then why did you choose to be with him?” his father continued his interrogatory.
“Why are asking me this now?!” Kazuya suddenly burst and looked angry at his father. “Until now, you never even asked me how I was feeling! And now you expect me to answer all of your questions?!”
His father stopped in front of Kazuya, looking sad and guilty. Yes, he knew that he had never asked Kazuya anything about his life, but he did all this believing that the boy didn’t want to know anything about him, he thought Kazuya hated him for the fact that he had not been there to protect him from his mad mother, to show him love.
“Because I want you to have a normal life. One that neither of us hadn’t offered to you.” He answered to the boy and stretched a hand to grasp lightly Kazuya’s shoulder. “I didn’t want you to be forever chased by your past, I wanted you to meet someone - a girl - and to have a family, to get to know the beautiful in life.” He paused and gulped, looking down. “I didn’t want you to end up the same as me or as your mother.”
“It’s too late for such kind of wishing, Dad.” Kazuya said, his face an impenetrable mask. “You should have said all these things when you took me from there, you should have shown me what your true feelings were four years ago, not now.” He continued, knowing that he was accusing the man who had saved him from the horrid life he had been living. “Now… it’s too late, Dad. I’m as twisted as Mom and I can’t change a fucking thing.”
His father flinched at the words his son just spoke, realizing the truth behind them, realizing his mistakes from all over these years. His hand slid from Kazuya’s shoulder and he looked down defeated. What was he supposed to say now when he had been in the wrong for so long?
“Tell me why are you with him.”
Kazuya looked incredulously at his father, not understanding where the old man was trying to get. He had just said that it was his fault for being like he was and his father was still asking such crazy things. He chose not to answer and simply stared at his father.
“I want to know why…” he heard his old man’s voice strangled and filled with emotions. “… why would you be with someone who hurts you.”
And this came as a shock, as a cold shower to Kazuya. How did his father know that Jin hurt him?! He had told no one about the small incidents that took place between the two of them, so there was no chance for his father to even know such things. Again he refused to answer, not knowing if his father was simply bluffing.
“I can see the cuts, Kazuya.” The older man looked up and his fingers curled around Kazuya’s right wrist. “Even if they have healed, there are still scars left behind.” He added and with his other hand he touched the white line from Kazuya’s cheek. “Are you sure he loves you?”
Kazuya shrugged off his father’s fingers from his healed wounds and got away from him. “I had worse than these.” He replied and went to the fridge, looking at the grocery list - one he had made a day before. “And whether he truly loves me or not, he had shown me more love than you and Mom showed in my entire life.”
“He’s not the best you’ll know!!” Kazuya flinched as he heard his father’s furious voice. “Don’t think that because of your past, this man is the only one who will accept you!”
And this truth hurt Kazuya more than he would have liked to. His father was right, he had chosen Jin because he thought that there will be no other person who will truly accept him for what he was and what he had been up until now. He had chosen Jin because he believed that Jin was the closest he’ll know to love.
“That’s not love, Kazuya.” His father said with a sad voice.
“But it’s the only thing I’ll know because you two never showed me what love truly is.” Kazuya replied and faced his father, determination written in his dark eyes. “I’m sorry, but nothing will change. I will still be with Jin and you have no power or whatsoever over it.”
“I could let you without money to pay the college.” His father threatened but this only made Kazuya laugh. Considering Jin’s threats, his father’s were piece of cake.
“Then you’d be happy to get rid of me, just like you always wanted to.”
“It’s not true! I never wanted to get rid of you, I just…” but the older man couldn’t bring himself to say that he had simply wanted Kazuya to be happy and that he was sorry that he hadn’t been able to be there for him because he had been afraid of being rejected.
“Whatever you have wanted, it failed you successfully. You can cut me the allowance, you can leave me without college, but Jin will still be there for me while you’ll be just another person in my horrible life.” Kazuya replied coldly, looking at his father’s shocked expression who stood there saying nothing. “And as I was saying before such a father-son like discussion which we never had, Jin is coming today.” The younger made a pause to let his parent process the information before continuing. “It’s your choice if you want our presence here or if we’ll leave together.”
“No!” his father suddenly said, making Kazuya jolt from such a reaction. “It’s okay if both of you stay here…” he finally agreed, feeling defeated and so far away from his own son. “I might have done wrong until now, but… I’ll be there for you too.” He continued, looking with sincerity to Kazuya. “Just keep in mind that beside Jin, you have me too.”
And with this, the parent left the kitchen, leaving Kazuya alone and thinking that there had been another person who had said almost the same thing - that he was there for Kazuya too. Had he been wrong in thinking that Jin was the only one to understand, accept and truly love him?
*
Love me when I need the most because that’s when I will be most grateful.
We’ve all had thoughts like this, thinking that when we’re alone or we have problems which don’t seem to solve by themselves, it would be good if there were to be someone standing next to us, taking care of us and supporting us or just… being there for us. Do you all know what the biggest difference between a human and all the other creatures is? It’s the need of love, the need of knowing that we matter for someone. We need to know that we can make a difference in someone’s life because we can’t stand the thought of being alone, of being useless.
It becomes all the much harder when we realize that there’s no one to count on.
It had been a hard and weird day for Jin, mostly because he had spent it watching the clock and counting the seconds left till he was supposed to leave town and head towards Kazuya’s father house. He hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything that he did that day and Yamapi had resigned himself to let Jin go earlier, finally accepting the fact that he can’t make Jin pay attention to something that he wasn’t interested in. He had known that there was nothing that could compete with Kazuya in Jin’s eyes but he had still tried, hoping for a change and failing to get it.
Jin hadn’t been aware of his surroundings either the whole trip to Kazuya’s. He was excited at the thought that he’ll finally be able to see Kazuya after so much time, that he’ll have the younger in front of him and that he’ll be able to kiss and hug the boy, not just imagine doing it.
When he knocked on the door, Jin braced himself for that was about to come. He was also kind of nervous because he was going to meet Kazuya’s father, but he had faith that it will go well. He will make a good impression and Kazuya’s father will give them his blessing and everything with a smile. It will be okay, Jin was positive, because he loved the younger and nothing could beat this.
And then Kazuya opened the door and he was more than confident that everything will run smoothly. The younger looked at Jin with a shy smile, feeling awkward and all, having the older in front of him, especially in front of his house. He didn’t invite him in, but kept staring at Jin like he hadn’t seen him for a century. It was odd seeing how all those other times there wasn’t this choking feeling that might be the bubbles of happiness that burst at the sight of Jin. It was odd the warm sensation that went up from his toes to his head, leaving his cheeks a bit flushed and stars in his brown eyes.
“Hey…” Kazuya said timid and all, biting his lower lip and unaware of the slight tremble of his body. Outside a chilly wind swept the trees.
“Hey to you too…” Jin smiled, raising his hand to cup Kazuya’s cheek and gently brush his fingers over it. “I missed you.” He added with a sincere and somehow pathetic tone, his eyes never leaving the younger’s.
His heart skipped a bit. Was he supposed to reply me too? Kazuya wasn’t sure, so he chose the best option he had. “I know.” he replied with a teasing smile on his lips. “It’s written all over your face, silly.” He added and grabbed Jin’s hand, leaning his head in their cupped hands. He was having again that warm and fuzzy feeling like that night on the beach.
“Well, I can’t help it.” Jin said, sticking out his tongue and raising his other hand to catch Kazuya’s free one and pull the boy closer to him. “In fact, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” He breathed against Kazuya’s lips, whispering the words with a low and aroused voice. It had been too much indeed.
And there it was - those sparks of desire that simply exploded in Kazuya’s body. He held Jin’s stare, all expecting and needy. What was this feeling? Had he felt before like this? Kazuya was sure he hadn’t and he wasn’t that sure if he was supposed to enjoy this feeling or to run away from it. But Jin was there and nothing else seemed to matter. So he chuckled low, blowing soft whispers against Jin’s lips just like the older was doing to him. It was simply teasing, it was pure and raw desire to devour those plump lips but he won’t do it.
“I think I can give a guess.” Kazuya said and there was a glint in his eyes. “But not tonight, we still have to meet my father.” The younger continued, gave a quick peck - a much too quick peck for his need - and detached from Jin, his hands holding lightly onto the older one’s shoulders.
Jin groaned, unsatisfied because of the much too inexistent contact between them. He looked at Kazuya and pouted, feeling neglected by his boyfriend. He took the younger’s hand and entwined his fingers with the boy’s ones, grinning again at Kazuya. “Can I come in then?” Jin asked with a chuckle. “And give my proper greetings to your father.” He added, making a little bow and giving a short and little mocking laugh.
“Oi.” Kazuya elbowed him lightly, but nonetheless he smiled and invited Jin into the house. And as soon as the door closed behind them, his heart began hammering against his ribs. It wasn’t like he cared much about his father’s behavior, but he was a bit afraid of their interaction. He knew Jin could be a bit rash and even if he wasn’t that fond of his old man, that didn’t change the fact that he was still his father. But he hoped that his dad felt repentant for whatever Kazuya had blamed him for and this would cause a change in his attitude towards Jin.
And, oh, how right he had been. The moment they entered the living where his father was, the old man turned to greet them with a warm smile.
“Oh, so you must be Jin.” He said, stretching his hand to Jin, welcoming and all. “If Kazuya wasn’t my son, I would have dared to say that you’re more handsome than him.” He joked and Kazuya tried not to gape at his father and to go along with him.
“Dad!” he squealed, looking a bit nervous.
“What? Even if he’s your boyfriend, I can still see that he’s good looking.” He winked with a small laugh at Kazuya then turned his attention to Jin. “Pardon me, I have not introduced myself. I’m Kazuya’s father, Kento.” And he gave a slight bow.
Jin looked at Kazuya’s father, shocked and somehow amused, and started thinking of the possibilities. One was that the older one was drunk or crazy or something between these lines. The other one was… was Kazuya’s father trying to hit on him?!
He tried to close his mouth and to not look so surprised at the man’s strange behavior. He smiled, even if his lips didn’t curl up much and also bowed, keeping a polite and nervous face in front of Kazuya’s father. “Nice to meet you, I’m Akanishi Jin.” He said, making another bow as he said his name. “Sorry for imposing on you for a couple of days.” He added, wondering how the heck did he get so attentive and caring about others. Kazuya effect, Jin would call it.
“It’s okay, don’t sweat about it.” Kento said and gave Jin a friendly pat. “After all, it’s not like we have many guests around here, so… you’re free to stay as long as you want.” He smiled to the both of them.
“No, dad, I told you that I’d be leaving the day after tomorrow.” Kazuya interfered and there was a slight change in the amiable tone he used. Kento grimaced a little, but said nothing more regarding this.
“Well, Jin, I’m sure you are starving… so why don’t we go to the kitchen and have a dinner and small chat while we’re at it?” Kento grabbed onto Jin’s arm and swirled him around towards the kitchen.
Seeing his father, Kazuya could almost swear that his dad was again on pills. Either way, he was repenting way too much for their little quarrel. But he shrugged and went after them. Even if everything seemed all bubbly and friendly, you may never know when the storm would hit.
For almost two hours, all three of them ate, drunk and talked like they have been best friends forever. Kento expressed his surprise when he heard that Kazuya was with a man, but wanting to be a good father, he said to have accepted without much further ado. At this remark, Kazuya chose to say nothing and simply went along with his father’s version just to keep up appearances. Also, his father had added that he was eased seeing that Jin was a good catch and even if there would be no children in the future, their beauty together will supply everything. At this remark, Kazuya almost wanted to hit his father because of embarrassment and insensibility from Kento. Yet he did neither and just sipped onto his wine, carefully watching the two men in his life.
As ironic how it was, Kazuya thought that such a life might not be that bad. Staying there with them at the table, laughing and joking, made everything bad disappear and leave just the few good things that he shared with Jin and his dad. Funny how life had a way of showing that what you need is the things you have run all your life from. But Kazuya was resigned that better things than this he wouldn’t get, he had fought all his life to attain even this life so… now, he should be grateful.
Kento suddenly burst into laughter at some joke of Jin’s and Kazuya almost fell from his chair, all drowsy and tipsy. Jin looked quickly at his lover and smiled seeing him all flabbergasted. He couldn’t wait to get under the covers with the younger and have him all for himself, enjoying the sleepy Kazuya. And when finally Kento suggested that they should get some sleep, Jin was more than pleased to comply.
“Kazuya, show him his room, okay?” the oldest said and yawned a bit, missing the changes from Jin’s face. “I’m going to leisure a bit in the living, there was a movie I wanted to watch tonight no matter what.” He smiled and winked, going ahead of them.
Kazuya rubbed his sleepy eyes and turned to Jin. “Shall we?” he asked innocently and all.
And Jin was quick to accept, displaying a wide grin on his face while tucking Kazuya’s hand into his and exiting the kitchen and then letting the younger to lead him to his room. “You know…” Jin started to say, happily bouncing around the younger, “as much as I liked talking and spending time with your father, I can’t wait to be alone with my lover.” He whispered into Kazuya’s ear, approaching the younger just to say the words and then resuming his position at a somehow safe distance.
Shivers of pleasure went down Kazuya’s spine and as groggy as he was, the younger knew that there might be a problem regarding the time spent alone with him. He smiled and side-glanced at Jin, biting on his lower lip. “You know…” and he tightened his grip on Jin’s hand. “… we can’t sleep together in the same room.” He continued in a small voice as if he didn’t want to hear Jin what he had said.
PART TWO
Authors: aroruae & fighter_of_moon
Pairing: Akame, slight Kokame & Jinda
Genre: Smut, AU, drama, tragedy
Warnings: use of drugs, whoring, slaving, insanity, bad language, incest and a lot more to come xD You've been warned, so don't read if you don't want to see them in a lot of pain *evil laugh*
Disclaimer: They don't belong to us, but we're in the process of making it true!! The proof is Jin's twitter~ And now his facebook and OMG, youtube account!!
Summary: Kazuya’s addiction becomes Jin’s obsession. They came to need each other to the extend of wanting to kill.
First Scent ~ Strawberry
Second Scent ~ Poison
Third Scent ~ Musk
Fourth Scent ~ Ecstasy
Fifth Scent ~ Spring
Sixth Scent ~ Fear
Seventh Scent ~ Sky
Eighth Scent ~ Winter
Ninth Scent ~ Loneliness
Tenth Scent ~ Run
Eleventh Scent ~ You
Twelfth Scent ~ Statice
Thirteenth Scent ~ Body
Chapter fourteen
Fourteenth scent ~ Memory
Sometimes, time passes so quickly that we feel we hadn’t had enough of it and that we could have done so much more if we had had more time. Other times, it passes so slowly that we spend our time with our eyes glued to the clock, hoping that this will make it pass faster and crying inside when we see the seconds passing slower than usual. And then there are moments when time passes normally, when we finish what we had to do and we don’t need more or less hours.
Kazuya wasn’t actually sure how time had passed for him in these last few days, but either way, the day Jin would come after him had finally arrived. He still didn’t know if he was anxious to see the other one again, but he definitely needed another person than his father to talk to and not over the phone. Like all the years, it had been a mistake to take such a long leave from school just to be with his father on his birthday. It had been obvious from the beginning that his presence was half desired, but he still chose to believe that maybe his old man was in fact wishing for his son to be with him, to spend more time with him. And he had been proven wrong again, but he won’t complain, he’ll just watch over his dad like a dutiful son should do.
But no matter what, he had to say to his father that Jin will come after him and that… that he was his boyfriend; not that to Kazuya it mattered that much, but still. So he decided to wait a little after they ate breakfast and resumed their usual doings. His father would sit at the table, reading the newspaper while he would be cleaning up the table where they would have just eaten - that would be the perfect moment.
“Dad…” Kazuya said, coughing a little to draw his father’s attention. It took a while, but he managed and when his father’s eyes settled on him, Kazuya knew that it will be harder to say than he imagined. “There’s someone coming over…” he continued with a small voice, feeling like a teenager who had to ask permission.
“So?” his father asked, seeing that Kazuya suddenly lost his words. “It wouldn’t be the first.” The old man shrugged as if it was not a big deal and in fact it wasn’t. If Kazuya had friends, that meant only good for both of them. His son has finally broken the vicious circle in which his mother had closed him into and he could ease his conscience of not taking responsibility for Kazuya since he was little.
“I know.” The younger fidgeted under his father’s stare. “This one… is a bit different.” Kazuya added and looked carefully at his father who didn’t sweat a thing. In fact, his father was already suspicious of the mysterious person Kazuya was talking about. “He… well, we -” Kazuya took a deep breath. “- we… are more than friends.”
His father narrowed his eyes, looking attentive at his son. “Are you saying that he is your lover?” he asked, his voice calm and steady. And after what seemed like an eternity, Kazuya nodded. “Good grace.” His father muttered and put down the paper. “What’s the meaning of this, Kazuya!” he raised his voice a little while his hand was clutched on the blouse he was wearing, around his heart area. “I took you away from your mother so that you wouldn’t become a …” his father stopped from saying what he had in mind, knowing that he will hurt Kazuya. “I didn’t want for you to become… like this.” He whispered, his face pale and his voice saddened.
There came a silence where none of them said a thing. Kazuya looked down at the floor, while his father kept blaming himself for what had just happened. When he had taken Kazuya away from his mother, he had tried, had hoped to offer the boy a brighter future, a chance to a life he never really knew. He wanted him to see the beauty, he wanted him to leave behind his horrid past and be normal. But having a boyfriend was nowhere near normal and he was the only one to be blamed.
“Do you love him?” his father asked and Kazuya looked up automatically.
“He says he loves me.” The younger answered, feeling his jaw glued.
“I asked you about your feelings, not his.” The older man countered and stood up from the table, an action he quite regretted seeing the flashing expression Kazuya just had. It was one of fear, the sole thing he didn’t want to cause his son to feel. “I want to know why you are with him, that’s why I’m asking.” his father explained further, making small steps towards his son.
“I don’t know.” Kazuya finally answered, licking his lips nervously. What was his father doing all of a sudden? After all these years where he had ignored whatever Kazuya did, now he was concerned about whom Kazuya fucked?! He hadn’t expected such a reaction, less such a worried tone. “I mean… I think there is something I feel for him, but I don’t know if it’s love.” Kazuya continued, though his mind completed or I don’t believe it’s love.
“Then why did you choose to be with him?” his father continued his interrogatory.
“Why are asking me this now?!” Kazuya suddenly burst and looked angry at his father. “Until now, you never even asked me how I was feeling! And now you expect me to answer all of your questions?!”
His father stopped in front of Kazuya, looking sad and guilty. Yes, he knew that he had never asked Kazuya anything about his life, but he did all this believing that the boy didn’t want to know anything about him, he thought Kazuya hated him for the fact that he had not been there to protect him from his mad mother, to show him love.
“Because I want you to have a normal life. One that neither of us hadn’t offered to you.” He answered to the boy and stretched a hand to grasp lightly Kazuya’s shoulder. “I didn’t want you to be forever chased by your past, I wanted you to meet someone - a girl - and to have a family, to get to know the beautiful in life.” He paused and gulped, looking down. “I didn’t want you to end up the same as me or as your mother.”
“It’s too late for such kind of wishing, Dad.” Kazuya said, his face an impenetrable mask. “You should have said all these things when you took me from there, you should have shown me what your true feelings were four years ago, not now.” He continued, knowing that he was accusing the man who had saved him from the horrid life he had been living. “Now… it’s too late, Dad. I’m as twisted as Mom and I can’t change a fucking thing.”
His father flinched at the words his son just spoke, realizing the truth behind them, realizing his mistakes from all over these years. His hand slid from Kazuya’s shoulder and he looked down defeated. What was he supposed to say now when he had been in the wrong for so long?
“Tell me why are you with him.”
Kazuya looked incredulously at his father, not understanding where the old man was trying to get. He had just said that it was his fault for being like he was and his father was still asking such crazy things. He chose not to answer and simply stared at his father.
“I want to know why…” he heard his old man’s voice strangled and filled with emotions. “… why would you be with someone who hurts you.”
And this came as a shock, as a cold shower to Kazuya. How did his father know that Jin hurt him?! He had told no one about the small incidents that took place between the two of them, so there was no chance for his father to even know such things. Again he refused to answer, not knowing if his father was simply bluffing.
“I can see the cuts, Kazuya.” The older man looked up and his fingers curled around Kazuya’s right wrist. “Even if they have healed, there are still scars left behind.” He added and with his other hand he touched the white line from Kazuya’s cheek. “Are you sure he loves you?”
Kazuya shrugged off his father’s fingers from his healed wounds and got away from him. “I had worse than these.” He replied and went to the fridge, looking at the grocery list - one he had made a day before. “And whether he truly loves me or not, he had shown me more love than you and Mom showed in my entire life.”
“He’s not the best you’ll know!!” Kazuya flinched as he heard his father’s furious voice. “Don’t think that because of your past, this man is the only one who will accept you!”
And this truth hurt Kazuya more than he would have liked to. His father was right, he had chosen Jin because he thought that there will be no other person who will truly accept him for what he was and what he had been up until now. He had chosen Jin because he believed that Jin was the closest he’ll know to love.
“That’s not love, Kazuya.” His father said with a sad voice.
“But it’s the only thing I’ll know because you two never showed me what love truly is.” Kazuya replied and faced his father, determination written in his dark eyes. “I’m sorry, but nothing will change. I will still be with Jin and you have no power or whatsoever over it.”
“I could let you without money to pay the college.” His father threatened but this only made Kazuya laugh. Considering Jin’s threats, his father’s were piece of cake.
“Then you’d be happy to get rid of me, just like you always wanted to.”
“It’s not true! I never wanted to get rid of you, I just…” but the older man couldn’t bring himself to say that he had simply wanted Kazuya to be happy and that he was sorry that he hadn’t been able to be there for him because he had been afraid of being rejected.
“Whatever you have wanted, it failed you successfully. You can cut me the allowance, you can leave me without college, but Jin will still be there for me while you’ll be just another person in my horrible life.” Kazuya replied coldly, looking at his father’s shocked expression who stood there saying nothing. “And as I was saying before such a father-son like discussion which we never had, Jin is coming today.” The younger made a pause to let his parent process the information before continuing. “It’s your choice if you want our presence here or if we’ll leave together.”
“No!” his father suddenly said, making Kazuya jolt from such a reaction. “It’s okay if both of you stay here…” he finally agreed, feeling defeated and so far away from his own son. “I might have done wrong until now, but… I’ll be there for you too.” He continued, looking with sincerity to Kazuya. “Just keep in mind that beside Jin, you have me too.”
And with this, the parent left the kitchen, leaving Kazuya alone and thinking that there had been another person who had said almost the same thing - that he was there for Kazuya too. Had he been wrong in thinking that Jin was the only one to understand, accept and truly love him?
*
Love me when I need the most because that’s when I will be most grateful.
We’ve all had thoughts like this, thinking that when we’re alone or we have problems which don’t seem to solve by themselves, it would be good if there were to be someone standing next to us, taking care of us and supporting us or just… being there for us. Do you all know what the biggest difference between a human and all the other creatures is? It’s the need of love, the need of knowing that we matter for someone. We need to know that we can make a difference in someone’s life because we can’t stand the thought of being alone, of being useless.
It becomes all the much harder when we realize that there’s no one to count on.
It had been a hard and weird day for Jin, mostly because he had spent it watching the clock and counting the seconds left till he was supposed to leave town and head towards Kazuya’s father house. He hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything that he did that day and Yamapi had resigned himself to let Jin go earlier, finally accepting the fact that he can’t make Jin pay attention to something that he wasn’t interested in. He had known that there was nothing that could compete with Kazuya in Jin’s eyes but he had still tried, hoping for a change and failing to get it.
Jin hadn’t been aware of his surroundings either the whole trip to Kazuya’s. He was excited at the thought that he’ll finally be able to see Kazuya after so much time, that he’ll have the younger in front of him and that he’ll be able to kiss and hug the boy, not just imagine doing it.
When he knocked on the door, Jin braced himself for that was about to come. He was also kind of nervous because he was going to meet Kazuya’s father, but he had faith that it will go well. He will make a good impression and Kazuya’s father will give them his blessing and everything with a smile. It will be okay, Jin was positive, because he loved the younger and nothing could beat this.
And then Kazuya opened the door and he was more than confident that everything will run smoothly. The younger looked at Jin with a shy smile, feeling awkward and all, having the older in front of him, especially in front of his house. He didn’t invite him in, but kept staring at Jin like he hadn’t seen him for a century. It was odd seeing how all those other times there wasn’t this choking feeling that might be the bubbles of happiness that burst at the sight of Jin. It was odd the warm sensation that went up from his toes to his head, leaving his cheeks a bit flushed and stars in his brown eyes.
“Hey…” Kazuya said timid and all, biting his lower lip and unaware of the slight tremble of his body. Outside a chilly wind swept the trees.
“Hey to you too…” Jin smiled, raising his hand to cup Kazuya’s cheek and gently brush his fingers over it. “I missed you.” He added with a sincere and somehow pathetic tone, his eyes never leaving the younger’s.
His heart skipped a bit. Was he supposed to reply me too? Kazuya wasn’t sure, so he chose the best option he had. “I know.” he replied with a teasing smile on his lips. “It’s written all over your face, silly.” He added and grabbed Jin’s hand, leaning his head in their cupped hands. He was having again that warm and fuzzy feeling like that night on the beach.
“Well, I can’t help it.” Jin said, sticking out his tongue and raising his other hand to catch Kazuya’s free one and pull the boy closer to him. “In fact, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” He breathed against Kazuya’s lips, whispering the words with a low and aroused voice. It had been too much indeed.
And there it was - those sparks of desire that simply exploded in Kazuya’s body. He held Jin’s stare, all expecting and needy. What was this feeling? Had he felt before like this? Kazuya was sure he hadn’t and he wasn’t that sure if he was supposed to enjoy this feeling or to run away from it. But Jin was there and nothing else seemed to matter. So he chuckled low, blowing soft whispers against Jin’s lips just like the older was doing to him. It was simply teasing, it was pure and raw desire to devour those plump lips but he won’t do it.
“I think I can give a guess.” Kazuya said and there was a glint in his eyes. “But not tonight, we still have to meet my father.” The younger continued, gave a quick peck - a much too quick peck for his need - and detached from Jin, his hands holding lightly onto the older one’s shoulders.
Jin groaned, unsatisfied because of the much too inexistent contact between them. He looked at Kazuya and pouted, feeling neglected by his boyfriend. He took the younger’s hand and entwined his fingers with the boy’s ones, grinning again at Kazuya. “Can I come in then?” Jin asked with a chuckle. “And give my proper greetings to your father.” He added, making a little bow and giving a short and little mocking laugh.
“Oi.” Kazuya elbowed him lightly, but nonetheless he smiled and invited Jin into the house. And as soon as the door closed behind them, his heart began hammering against his ribs. It wasn’t like he cared much about his father’s behavior, but he was a bit afraid of their interaction. He knew Jin could be a bit rash and even if he wasn’t that fond of his old man, that didn’t change the fact that he was still his father. But he hoped that his dad felt repentant for whatever Kazuya had blamed him for and this would cause a change in his attitude towards Jin.
And, oh, how right he had been. The moment they entered the living where his father was, the old man turned to greet them with a warm smile.
“Oh, so you must be Jin.” He said, stretching his hand to Jin, welcoming and all. “If Kazuya wasn’t my son, I would have dared to say that you’re more handsome than him.” He joked and Kazuya tried not to gape at his father and to go along with him.
“Dad!” he squealed, looking a bit nervous.
“What? Even if he’s your boyfriend, I can still see that he’s good looking.” He winked with a small laugh at Kazuya then turned his attention to Jin. “Pardon me, I have not introduced myself. I’m Kazuya’s father, Kento.” And he gave a slight bow.
Jin looked at Kazuya’s father, shocked and somehow amused, and started thinking of the possibilities. One was that the older one was drunk or crazy or something between these lines. The other one was… was Kazuya’s father trying to hit on him?!
He tried to close his mouth and to not look so surprised at the man’s strange behavior. He smiled, even if his lips didn’t curl up much and also bowed, keeping a polite and nervous face in front of Kazuya’s father. “Nice to meet you, I’m Akanishi Jin.” He said, making another bow as he said his name. “Sorry for imposing on you for a couple of days.” He added, wondering how the heck did he get so attentive and caring about others. Kazuya effect, Jin would call it.
“It’s okay, don’t sweat about it.” Kento said and gave Jin a friendly pat. “After all, it’s not like we have many guests around here, so… you’re free to stay as long as you want.” He smiled to the both of them.
“No, dad, I told you that I’d be leaving the day after tomorrow.” Kazuya interfered and there was a slight change in the amiable tone he used. Kento grimaced a little, but said nothing more regarding this.
“Well, Jin, I’m sure you are starving… so why don’t we go to the kitchen and have a dinner and small chat while we’re at it?” Kento grabbed onto Jin’s arm and swirled him around towards the kitchen.
Seeing his father, Kazuya could almost swear that his dad was again on pills. Either way, he was repenting way too much for their little quarrel. But he shrugged and went after them. Even if everything seemed all bubbly and friendly, you may never know when the storm would hit.
For almost two hours, all three of them ate, drunk and talked like they have been best friends forever. Kento expressed his surprise when he heard that Kazuya was with a man, but wanting to be a good father, he said to have accepted without much further ado. At this remark, Kazuya chose to say nothing and simply went along with his father’s version just to keep up appearances. Also, his father had added that he was eased seeing that Jin was a good catch and even if there would be no children in the future, their beauty together will supply everything. At this remark, Kazuya almost wanted to hit his father because of embarrassment and insensibility from Kento. Yet he did neither and just sipped onto his wine, carefully watching the two men in his life.
As ironic how it was, Kazuya thought that such a life might not be that bad. Staying there with them at the table, laughing and joking, made everything bad disappear and leave just the few good things that he shared with Jin and his dad. Funny how life had a way of showing that what you need is the things you have run all your life from. But Kazuya was resigned that better things than this he wouldn’t get, he had fought all his life to attain even this life so… now, he should be grateful.
Kento suddenly burst into laughter at some joke of Jin’s and Kazuya almost fell from his chair, all drowsy and tipsy. Jin looked quickly at his lover and smiled seeing him all flabbergasted. He couldn’t wait to get under the covers with the younger and have him all for himself, enjoying the sleepy Kazuya. And when finally Kento suggested that they should get some sleep, Jin was more than pleased to comply.
“Kazuya, show him his room, okay?” the oldest said and yawned a bit, missing the changes from Jin’s face. “I’m going to leisure a bit in the living, there was a movie I wanted to watch tonight no matter what.” He smiled and winked, going ahead of them.
Kazuya rubbed his sleepy eyes and turned to Jin. “Shall we?” he asked innocently and all.
And Jin was quick to accept, displaying a wide grin on his face while tucking Kazuya’s hand into his and exiting the kitchen and then letting the younger to lead him to his room. “You know…” Jin started to say, happily bouncing around the younger, “as much as I liked talking and spending time with your father, I can’t wait to be alone with my lover.” He whispered into Kazuya’s ear, approaching the younger just to say the words and then resuming his position at a somehow safe distance.
Shivers of pleasure went down Kazuya’s spine and as groggy as he was, the younger knew that there might be a problem regarding the time spent alone with him. He smiled and side-glanced at Jin, biting on his lower lip. “You know…” and he tightened his grip on Jin’s hand. “… we can’t sleep together in the same room.” He continued in a small voice as if he didn’t want to hear Jin what he had said.
PART TWO