Hey look everyone, someone decided to create a troll account for the sole purpose of impersonating me. I never knew I was that significant or interesting to complete strangers on the internet, but apparently I am. This rather half-assed, two-bit facsimile of myself has concocted a username that is just brimming with spunk and originality:

forestf0restThe ( Read more... )

A new breed of Orwellian bumper stickers have entered our midst. It reads:


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After doing a bit more research on the Anti-Milk Campaign, I came across the following ad which was formerly hosted by MilkSucks.com.


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These days, it seems almost futile to protest the rampant exploitation and objectification of women in the media. Given its mainstream prevalance coupled with the rather disturbing aura of complacency and acceptance among women, I decided to abandon hope of trying to incite a feminist backlash against these outrageous beauty standards. In fact, ( Read more... )

No doubt most of you are familiar with the controversy surrounding the politically-charged film Fahrenheit 9/11 and are somewhat divided in your assessment of its credibility. In fact, the outcome is very predictable. Conservatives will denounce this film as the epitome of Liberal Propaganda™ and its sordid manipulation of facts, whereas liberals ( Read more... )

A series of bizarre events have infiltrated my rather idyllic life here in Hicksville®:

1) Cher is coming to Gainesville

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Acoustic Nightmare® that will ensue, I have provided you with a small sample of its tyranny: Share the painNow just imagine having your eardrums besieged by this cacophony of ( Read more... )

Ever since I decided to revisit George Orwell®'s literary classics, I've found myself making gratuitous references to Big Brother, doublethink and thoughtcrime. This of course has culminated in the recent additions to my User Info page along with the following:


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Inspired by 31spoonerstreet's rather intriguing and informative thesis on urinal etiquette, it suddenly occurred to me that one could test the limits of projectile motion in the following manner:

What if you decide to stand at the edge of the stall behind the far right urinal which is currently being occupied by a man-in-progress and then aim your spout directly ( Read more... )

A most unpleasant and intrusive noise box suddenly spewed forth a cacophony of hideous and revolting tunes as a reminder that it was now time to face the toil and drudgery of yet another day at the lab. Tragically unaware that today was, in fact, a holiday, our hero courageously battles fatigue, disorientation, and famine as she struggles to crawl ( Read more... )

Why yes, this is the end of the world.
Thank you for your patronage.

Much gratitude to bittercat for bringing this to my attention.

Alfred Nobel is turning over in his grave as we speak. Prepare to be completely flabbergasted by what you are about to read, for this is quite possibly the greatest travesty ever to disgrace the face of science.

George W. ( Read more... )