Drowned in Silence /// Eleventh Word: Trying
banner by naomi0211 ♥♥♥
Title: Drowned in Silence /// Words we could never find ///
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre: AU!!!, Romance, Angst
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this. The plot is mine and I DO NOT COPY anyone's writing.
Summary: It's been more than two years, since they had decided to part ways. Now, they meet, their paths cross again and Kazuya and Jin are confronted with memories of that one week they once shared. But probably, nothing has changed; they are probably still the same --- unable to find the words that would make their paths become one.
A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I lived in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
A/N#2: This is a Sequel to Seven Days, you should have read that multichapter to understand this, I guess.
Okay, I lied.
While writing, I realised this can't be the last chap already. I have stuff to write about for at least two more. So, next one is going to be last.
Enjoy reading this one, everybody ♥
Previous Chapters:
Prologue
First Word: Remember
Second Word: Oblivion
Third Word: Attraction
Fourth Word: Unsteady
Fifth Word: Weak
Sixth Word: Complicated
Seventh Word: Strong
Eighth Word: Certain
Ninth Word: Scared
Tenth Word: Enough
Eleventh Word: Trying
Kazuya checked his watch, as he walked out the gym.
Training had taken quite long again today; it was already past ten and he didn’t think he’d get anything done today, except for falling into his bed and sleep the stress off.
He’d have training early the next morning.
As his mobile rang, he stopped and looked for it in his back, smiling as he saw Jin was calling.
“Hey”, he said softly.
“Uh, is that you, Kazuya?”
“You called me, didn’t you?”
Jin sighed slightly. “I just wasn’t sure. I had forgotten your voice already.”
Kazuya kept silent for a moment, his look turning guilty.
“You know, I’ve been out drinking with Ryo tonight.”
Not quite sure, how to answer, Kazuya only said: “Ah?”
“Yes. And you know what?” Jin waited for a moment, but Kazuya didn’t say anything, so he just went on: “There was that seriously cute girl hitting on me. She was really cute.”
“Jin…”
“And I almost gave in to her flirting, but then, Ryo reminded me I couldn’t.” He snorted. “He told me I have a boyfriend.”
Kazuya smiled slightly, as he got into the subway station. “There are rumours you have one.”
“I almost couldn’t believe it, but I figured he’s right. I have a boyfriend, but he’s strangely never around.”
“I’m sorry, Jin”, Kazuya said and palmed his face, trying to find the words. “I don’t mean to neglect you or anything. I’m just…”
“Yeah, it’s fine”, Jin said calmly. “Just say you’re going to come to my place right now and it’ll be fine.”
“I…” Kazuya swallowed thickly. “I’ll have training tomorrow morning at six.”
“And? My place is not that far from the gym, is it?”
“But I need to be fit tomorrow morning”, Kazuya just said and hesitated as his train came in. “You wouldn’t let me sleep.”
Jin laughed. “Not true.”
“You know it is.”
“I miss you, Kazuya”, Jin said, just in the moment Kazuya wanted to step into the train.
He stopped and sighed, before he stepped back, watching the doors closing. He had missed Jin, too and he knew he was weak to his feelings for the older boy.
Kazuya had known he’d end up in Jin’s flat from the moment he had picked up the phone.
“I’ll take the next train”, he finally said.
“I’ll pick you up from the station.”
Ten minutes later, Kazuya waited for Jin at the exit, checking his watch. Jin should have been there already, it wasn’t that far to his flat.
“Kazuya”, he heard Jin’s familiar voice calling out for him then and turned. Jin approached him, wearing track pants and a simple black shirt.
“What’s taken you so long”, Kazuya wanted to know.
Jin grinned. “Sorry.”
For a moment, they both hesitated; people were passing them, making their way in and out of the station. Kazuya adjusted his sports bag over his shoulder.
It was the first time, Kazuya realised, that they met in public. He greeted Jin with a kiss, whenever they met, but each time, that had been in either of their flats until now.
Kazuya took a step closer to Jin and leaned in, pecking his lips quickly. “Hey.”
Jin smiled, his eyes sparkling in amusement, but Kazuya knew he was happy, too. Taking Kazuya’s hand, Jin turned. “Let’s stop by at the convenience store, okay?”
Kazuya just nodded, lacing his fingers with Jin’s, as they walked next to each other.
“Did you eat already? Because, I haven’t and I don’t have anything at home.”
“I shouldn’t eat this late”, Kazuya said. “It’s not good for my health and weight.”
“If you lose any more weight, then, that’s unhealthy”, Jin commented, walking ahead through the doors and greeting the shop assistant.
“Are you complaining?”
“Well, I don’t know who else you would want to look good for.”
Kazuya chuckled and watched Jin collecting instant meals, topping it with some sweets. “It’s not about my looks, but my condition, Jin.”
“If you don’t eat properly, your condition is going to get worse.”
Kazuya gripped a package of instant curry from Jin’s hand. “You call that proper?”
Jin shrugged a shoulder. “I call it proper, when you don’t forget to eat.”
“I never forget to eat.”
“When did you have your last meal today?”
Kazuya had to think for a moment.
“Breakfast”, Jin answered for him. “That is forgetting to eat. So, you’ll eat with me now.”
Sighing in defeat, Kazuya didn’t argue anymore and mentally made plans how to avoid all the instant meals Jin usually ate. He gripped a few fresh vegetables and fruits, put them to the things Jin was putting to the counter.
The older one just threw him a look, but didn’t say a thing.
They paid and carried each one bag, casually walking next to each other to Jin’s flat.
Kazuya put down his sports bag at the entrance, when they came in, brought the bag with food to the kitchen.
“Are you going to eat something proper, too, or will you just chew on one of those apples”, Jin asked, as he came into the kitchen, too, unpacking what he had bought.
“The apples are for tomorrow.”
Jin laughed. “God, what have I myself gotten?”
“Junk food, Jin.”
“I was talking about you”, Jin just commented and put the packages into the fridge. Then, he opened one and put it into the microwave.
Kazuya had sprawled out on Jin’s bed, his eyes closed, but he rolled to his back and watched Jin working in the kitchen for a while, before he shifted, lying on his side. He noticed the paper on Jin’s night stand and took it, realising it was a ticket.
He gasped and sat up.
“You bought a ticket for my game?”
Jin turned, looked over his shoulder. “Ah, yeah. I am off on Friday and Pi told me he’d go with Tegoshi, so I asked him to get me a ticket, too.”
“You’ll come to watch?”
“I’ve been to several of your games before.”
Kazuya looked at the ticket, checked the seat. “But, then, I didn’t know you were coming.”
“Am I that distracting?” Jin laughed, as he came over.
Shrugging a shoulder, Kazuya put the ticket away again. “You’ll hopefully bring me luck instead.”
Jin crawled onto the bed, too, putting his head to Kazuya’s lap. “I will.”
Kazuya ran his hand through Jin’s hair and for a moment kept quiet. “Did you meet Mirai these days?”
“I saw her briefly, but not really.” Jin closed his eyes. “We’ll find a date to talk to her. You have to concentrate on that game first; it’s important, right?”
Kazuya nodded.
“But that reminds me”, Jin said and sat up. “You assaulted me of having known exactly who she was.”
Kazuya gave him a guilty look, but then nodded once more.
“But didn’t you see us kissing the day we’ve been to the festival?”
“I just saw her from behind. And I was probably more focused on your reactions.” Kazuya shrugged a shoulder. “I didn’t see her face that day.”
Jin frowned, then, he put his head back to Kazuya’s lap, making himself comfortable. “That could have spared us from a lot of stress.”
Kazuya chuckled. “Probably not.” He leaned in and placed kisses over Jin’s face.
Jin let him, waited for what Kazuya was up to. When the younger one shifted and lay down next to Jin, pulling him in for a kiss, Jin grinned. He let Kazuya straddle him, kiss him deeper and as they pulled away to catch some breath, he shook his head slightly.
“Didn’t you say I would keep you from sleeping?”
Kazuya shrugged and ran a hand down Jin’s chest. “It’s just fair then that I keep from eating.”
“It’s almost heated up already”, Jin argued.
“We’ll heat it up again later.”
“You can’t heat up microwave food twice, Kazuya.”
Kazuya smirked and leaned in again, devouring Jin’s lip in a long, heated kiss.
“I really don’t care.”
Jin sat in the cafeteria, eating lunch, while lazily flipping through a magazine. He had stared to buy every issue of the magazine Kazuya was modelling for, just to make sue he wouldn’t do any shootings Jin wouldn’t approve of.
It was distracting, he thought and tilted his head slightly as he chewed on a piece of bread, how Tegoshi almost sat in Kazuya’s lap in the one picture.
He looked up, as someone took the seat across from him.
“Hey”, Yamashita greeted him.
Jin nodded his head and swallowed, before he greeted back. Then, he turned the magazine and pointed at the picture of Kazuya and Tegoshi.
“What kind of job is it you guys are doing there?”
“We model for clothes, Jin”, Yamashita told him.
“Then, why does that kid have to be all over Kazuya?” Jin frowned. “It looks like they had something going on. Are the girls more likely to buy that stuff then?”
“It’s a magazine for guys, Jin.”
“That makes it even grosser.”
Yamashita laughed and shook his head. “You won’t ever stop complaining about that job we do, huh?”
Jin shrugged.
“I can assure you, though, that Yuya normally isn’t all over your pretty boyfriend. He prefers being all over me.”
Jin smirked at that and laughed then.
“Ah, Yamashita-kun, is that you?” A few girls came over, accompanied by Ryo and they all sat down at their table.
Jin just looked up, when Mirai took the seat next to Yamashita and for a moment, he forgot to breath, just stared. The magazine lay between them.
She briefly looked at it and Jin saw, how her eyes widened.
“Ah, aren’t that Yuya and Kazuya”, she asked and Jin noticed that he didn’t like how she addressed his lover so formally.
Yamashita nodded. “You didn’t know? We’re modelling for that magazine.”
“I had no idea”, Mirai said and gripped the magazine, flipping through the pages. “You guys look really good.” She stopped at a page and put it to the table.
Jin felt his heart sinking down to his knees, as he saw it was Kazuya’s page, saw the way she was looking at the pictures.
“I’m going to watch his game on Friday”, she pointed out then and looked at Yamashita. “Tegoshi told me you’d come, too.”
Yamashita nodded. “Yes, we’re going, Yuya bought tickets for me and Jin, as well.”
Mirai hesitated for a moment, before she finally looked at Jin for the first time. “You’re going, too.”
For a moment, Jin noticed Ryo and Yamashita looking at him. It was the perfect moment to clear things up, to say honestly what was going on.
“Yeah, we’ve been friends for a long time.”
“I didn’t know you are friends with Kazuya”, she pointed out.
“I went to the same high school he came to, after he left Yokohama”, Jin cleared up.
“But he didn’t stay there for long, though, did he?”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t make friends, does it?” Jin stood up and cleared his throat. “I have to go.”
Mirai just looked down at her plate and as everyone else bid him goodbye, Jin turned without giving her another look.
That hadn’t gone too well. He just had a chance to put everything to order, to tell her the truth, but somehow, it had left him, he hadn’t brought up the courage to do so.
Jin hesitated, but then, he got out his mobile and dialled Kazuya’s number, waiting for him to pick up.
“Jin”, Kazuya answered his phone.
“Hey”, Jin said and sat down on a bench. “Are you busy right now?”
“No, I’m having lunch with some friends. Yuya says hello.”
“Ah, yeah. Back.” Jin took a deep breath.
“What’s wrong, Jin?” Kazuya’s voice sounded concerned.
“I bought the magazine today.”
“Ah, well. You don’t have to.”
“I wanted to buy it.”
“Okay”, Kazuya said and Jin could hear he was confused. “What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing, it’s fine. Tegoshi’s been a bit too close.”
Kazuya laughed. “Are you calling me because you’re jealous?”
Jin collected himself, tried to calm down. “She just came over and sat at the same table. She looked at the magazine, Kazuya, and she apparently liked your site best.”
Kazuya kept quiet for a moment. “Certainly, because I am the one who is most good-looking.”
Jin laughed at that. “Kazuya”, he said then and leaned back. Jin didn’t think he should tell him about Mirai coming to the game. “She’s in love with you.”
For the longest time, he didn’t receive an answer to that, just heard Kazuya excusing himself and walking, his background getting muffled and quieter.
“Jin”, Kazuya said then, his voice clear and firm. “Did you tell her about us?”
“I should have, right?”
“You could have.” Kazuya sighed. “It’s okay, if you didn’t. We said we’d do it together, right?”
“Yeah, right”, Jin answered. “But…”
“We’ll discuss that later, okay?”
Jin hesitated for a moment. “Sure.”
“I’ll have training today again”, Kazuya said with a tired sigh. “But after Friday, I’ll have a lot of spare time and then, we’ll get done with that, alright?”
Jin wanted to obey and agree to that, but he couldn’t hold back, the words just came out on their own. “I don’t want you to meet her alone.”
Kazuya kept quiet. Then, he sighed, but as he talked, his voice didn’t sound upset at all. “I have barely time to see you, Jin, how should I meet up with her?”
“She’ll probably come to your flat.”
“Stop being so anxious”, Kazuya said softly. “If it calms you down, I’ll spend every night at yours.”
Jin felt the knot in his chest loosen up. “It would calm me, indeed.”
“Then, it’s a deal”, Kazuya agreed. “I’ll come to your place after I am done with training tonight.”
Later, when Jin had ended the phone call, he felt relieved and sighed in content.
He disliked the thought of Mirai being over him so quickly, hitting on Kazuya like that. She was supposed to be hurt for a little longer, wasn’t she?
He sighed. Of course, she wasn’t. Only weak girls would whine over being betrayed for so long. Strong girls knew the guy who had cheated on them was worth nothing.
And the guy who had dried their tears was the one they could really rely on.
Just why did Kazuya have to be that nice to her?
Jin knew he wasn’t objective at all, but he greatly disliked how things turned at the moment. Disliked, how Mirai had looked at those pictures of Kazuya.
On his way home, he bought some healthy food, even cereals for breakfast instead of the usual chocolate cornflakes.
“You really don’t have to, you know.”
Jin yawned, as he shook his head. “No, I said I want to do that, so, I’ll do it.”
Kazuya just nodded and put on a shirt.
It finally was Friday morning and Kazuya had never felt so nervous before. At least, he thought now, as he adjusted his hair looking into the mirror, not for a baseball match. He had been a lot more nervous on another occasion, he admitted with a glance at Jin.
But this was different.
He couldn’t eat, had let Jin finish his cereals this morning and now, they were about to leave. Jin had offered the evening before that he would accompany Kazuya to the training and warm-up he’d have before the actual match.
Jin would wait in the arena until the game would start.
“You could sleep for at least three more hours, you know”, Kazuya said now, as Jin got into his jeans.
“Kazuya, what worries you so much about me coming along? If you don’t want me there, just say so, and I’ll stay here.”
“That’s not it”, Kazuya answered and got his bag, checking if he had everything with him. “I just don’t want to trouble you. It’ll be boring for you to wait there all the while.”
“I can go and grab something to eat in the meanwhile.” Jin smiled and approached Kazuya at the door, opening it for him. “Everything’s fine. I want to be there.”
Without another word, Kazuya walked out and Jin followed him.
“Still so nervous”, Jin asked and took Kazuya’s hand into his.
“It’s getting worse and worse.”
“You’ll be okay.”
Kazuya shrugged a shoulder. “There are going to be so many scouts. Those for the national B team, too.”
“They’ve come to watch you guys before, right?” Jin squeezed his hand.
“But today, they’ll make a decision.”
Jin wondered whether Kazuya had ever thought about what an election for the national team could mean for the two of them, but he didn’t voice it. He knew Kazuya needed his support now. They could discuss later what would follow after this.
When they reached the arena, Jin went inside with Kazuya and they stopped in front of the hallway to the changing rooms, where Jin wasn’t allowed to enter.
“Well”, Kazuya started, “thanks for bringing me.”
Jin shook his head and looked past Kazuya, saw no one was around, before he leaned in and gave Kazuya a calm and reassuring kiss. “You’ll be great, okay?”
“I’ll try.”
Jin laughed and pulled something from his pocket, putting it into Kazuya’s hand. “Don’t just try. Make sure you’ll be.”
Kazuya watched Jin, as he left, then, he opened his hand, knowing what he would find exactly.
He smiled at the shining, silvery metal of the shooting star pendant and adjusted it around his neck, before he walked down the hallway.
He’d be more than great, Kazuya promised to himself.
As the game was over, Jin waited outside with Tegoshi and Yamashita for Kazuya to come out.
They weren’t allowed inside any longer, so he had sent Kazuya a mail describing where exactly they were waiting for him.
Mirai had had the seat next to Jin, but because Yamashita had been a good friend, he had switched his ticket with Jin’s, making him sit to Tegoshi’s left side, instead to his right.
It had felt uncomfortable, though.
Jin wasn’t the type to get all excited over a game and yell and shout, he rather watched it attentively.
But today, he had been afraid every look, every single move he made would give him away. Would show just how nervous he was for Kazuya, how much he was getting excited with the younger one.
Mirai had been just as calm as him, though; while Tegoshi had gotten all excited, yelling to support Kazuya’s team, Mirai had kept quiet, her hands firmly pressed together in her lap.
Jin hated how she had been so concentrated on Kazuya all the time.
After the game, she had excused herself, had said she didn’t want to wait for Kazuya. She would congratulate him the next time they’d meet.
Jin lost the thought, as he saw Kazuya approaching them. He caught Kazuya, as he came running to them, throwing his arms around Jin’s neck.
“Oh God, we won”, he said happily and let Jin hold him for a little longer.
“You were so great”, Tegoshi said excitedly and hugged Kazuya, as soon as he had let go of Jin.
“It was very close”, Yamashita pointed out with a grin and patted Kazuya’s shoulder.
“It was”, Kazuya agreed. “But we still turned it around.”
“Aren’t you guys going to celebrate”, Jin asked and Kazuya turned to him.
“Ah, yes, they go out for drinks now, but I refused”, he answered with a smile.
“You should really join them”, Tegoshi advised.
Kazuya shrugged a shoulder, looked at Jin. “I don’t want to.”
“You want to eat something and go home and sleep for the whole next day”, Jin pointed out.
Kazuya grinned. “Exactly that.”
“Ah, reminds me, Kame”, Tegoshi said and looked at his watch. “I’ll probably drop by at your place later this evening and get that movie.”
“Sure, I’ll be there.”
They parted there and Tegoshi hugged Kazuya once more, telling him how happy he was for him, then, Kazuya and Jin went home together.
“Can we take something home from that Ramen shop at the corner to the subway station?”
“Of course”, Jin answered. They got into the station and took the next train and only, when they sat next to each other, Jin asked: “How did the elections go?”
Kazuya bit his lip, looked down. “I was chosen.”
“Hey, that’s great”, Jin choked out, pushing Kazuya’s shoulder lightly. “Why do you look that depressed?”
Kazuya looked up at Jin. “They told us just how much we’ll have to train from now on.”
“And you’ll have to move”, Jin concluded in a dry voice.
For a moment, Kazuya stared. “No. No, I don’t.”
“But?”
“Well, I’ll have training each day, so I won’t have much time and…”
Jin sighed. “As long as you don’t disappear again.”
Kazuya blinked his eyes. “You’re not angry?”
“It’s alright, isn’t it? I thought about that before and it’s probably still early and we could just keep it the way it is now”, Jin said quickly, then, he got to the point. “But I thought living together would be nice.”
Kazuya just stared at him blankly.
“I mean, my flat is pretty small, but yours is quite big. We could just look for another one, though, but of course, we don’t have to move in together, just as I said, it’s fine the way it is now and we have our flats each and just spend the night…”
Kazuya chuckled and shifted closer, taking Jin’s hand. “I would like that.”
Jin took a deep breath, feeling foolish. “Of course you would.”
They bought Ramen, before they got to Kazuya’s flat and when they were inside, Jin embraced Kazuya again, kissing him tenderly.
“Congratulations, Kazuya.”
The younger one flashed him a smile and put his arms around Jin’s neck, kissing him again.
It was perfect this way. Them, lazily sitting in the living room, watching a TV programme, while having dinner, cuddling up afterwards.
“Let’s take a shower, Jin”, Kazuya suggested, as the sun was setting outside.
“Now?”
Kazuya nodded. “I want a hot shower and then, sleep for a whole day.”
Jin laughed. “You really were serious about that.”
“I deserve to be lazy now, don’t I?”
Jin shrugged. “I suppose.” Then, he got up, taking Kazuya’s hand and dragging him over to the bathroom. “So, you want to take the risk of showering together with me?”
Kazuya grinned and helped Jin taking off his shirt. “The idea just won’t leave my mind.”
They undressed each other slowly, between kisses and gentle touches, staring into each others eyes, while removing fabric, uncovering skin.
As they stood naked, fingers soothingly running over each other’s skin, Kazuya smiled and opened the necklace.
“Thanks for that.”
Jin just nodded, let Kazuya put it around his neck again. “It brought you luck.”
“It made me feel calmer.”
“I guess I’ll have to get you your own one soon, huh?” Jin touched the cool metal over the skin of his collarbone.
Kissing him again, Kazuya agreed to that, shoving his hands up into Jin’s hair, distracting his thoughts with another long kiss.
Kazuya was just about to drag Jin into the shower, as the door bell rang and they both sighed.
“Ignore it”, Jin whispered in between kisses.
Kazuya chuckled, gave Jin another light peck. “That’s Yuya.”
“He’ll understand then”, Jin answered and ran his hand up Kazuya’s thigh, making him shiver.
“It’ll just take a minute”, Kazuya promised and took a towel, placing it around his hips.
“You’ll open the door like that?”
“It’s just Yuya”, was all he answered and left the bathroom to answer the door. He opened it, with a smile. “Perfect timing, Yuya, I was just about to…”
His voice trailed off and he stared at Mirai, who stared at him just as blankly.
“I…”, she stuttered and quickly looked down at the floor. “Sorry.”
“No, I’m... I thought it was Yuya”, Kazuya explained.
“I just wanted to congratulate you”, Mirai said and lifted the bag in her hand, still not looking up.
“Ah…” How was he supposed to react? Oh God, oh crap, Kazuya just thought, unable to form a coherent thought, except for the fact that Jin was in his bathroom, naked. He had been just about to make out with Jin; they had just gotten it on.
Oh God.
“I, uhm… thanks”, he finally managed to say.
“Well, then, I’ll just leave this here and won’t keep you any longer.” She put the bag to the floor and bowed her head. “Sorry for…”
In that moment, water was turned on in the bathroom and she looked up for a second, her cheeks turning red.
Oh God.
“I’m sorry, you have someone here”, Mirai started and covered her mouth. “I didn’t…”
“You know, Kazuya, I just thought we could have a bath instead. I’ll make sure you relax properly”, Jin’s kinky voice sounded behind Kazuya and he slowly turned, his feet feeling so numb.
“I can help you out with…” Jin stopped, as he reached the hallway, wearing nothing but a towel, too, and he stared at Mirai standing in the door frame, where he had expected to see Tegoshi.
“Oh God”, he voiced Kazuya’s thought.
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Oops. O.o"
Next one really is going to be the last XD
Thanks a lot for reading ♥