I cannot underestimate the lack of intelligence of the British public, in some demented escape from reason I was only voted the ninth most beautiful British woman of all time. Not even in the top five? I should move to India and be done with you foolish twits ( Read more... )

Since I spend more time with David and Elton than my own boyfriend it was only natural that I got to supercede Elton for the title of “Queen of the Ball” at his White Tie and Tiara charity ball the other night. I looked better in the tiara than he did, and it isn’t as if he’d be willing to muss his hair plugs to wear it, although I don’t know if ( Read more... )

I just want to be on top of Gwyneth and take this chance to curse Hugh for making me love him so much that I can never marry anyone else. This place is an evil cesspool that has polluted my veins and keeps my vanity in full bloom; my beauty grows like roses in the manure you people call updates ( Read more... )

Blame my lack of updating on morning sickness. Not that I’m pregnant, I’m just too sick of trying to write in the morning and then I lose interest by the time afternoon rolls around. Maybe I need to cajole Hugh into updating for me since he did such a lovely job for Portia (minus the typos!) and he knows more of my secrets than anyone has a right ( Read more... )

I have a voracious appetite for life, I’m never satisfied with what’s on my plate and I always find room for more. I’ve been too busy with keeping my face in the tabloids, inserting myself in Elton’s honeymoon, and slagging off Hugh’s media girlfriend to write an update. I’d ask for a pass on the past few months but you’re either with me or against ( Read more... )

( My long, gay, Indian wedding… )

That’s my word for today. Everyday I choose a word that sets my mood, something to give me motivation or fodder for thought as I go about my business. My business, what a silly phrase. Back to the word of the day, GLAMAZON. It’s a perfect word, a perfect concept, combining the woman warriors that cultivated masculine virtues, removing the left ( Read more... )

I say green, you say two. I say happiness, you say blue. I'm blank, words are few, tell me a secret, or at least what's up with you.

I’ve been in Boston doing some fundraising for breast cancer research with Estee Lauder. Staying in the pink, I guess. Some day I’ll achieve my goal of having the Taj Mahal lit up in pink lights, maybe in time for my wedding. Yes, I’ve announced that Arun (my fake media boyfriend) and I will get married next Valentine’s Day since his ex-wife ( Read more... )

I don’t care if you add me back, I don’t care if everyone knows what a bitch I can be, but I cannot bear the idea that anyone would think I am an idiot. I am quite adept at forming a sentence and have more thoughts in my pretty little head than poor old Hugh Grant, no matter how much I still adore him. My life is quite busy, between Damian, who is ( Read more... )