I have a conundrum! At first I was excited to have a conundrum, until I realized that it was a problem and not some kind of ice cream novelty treat. Now I'm looking for a solution instead ( Read more... )

"My other car is also this same car," the bumper sticker said.

"How does that work?" I asked.

"Oh my gosh, a talking non-sticker!" the bumper sticker replies.

"Those who think they can, and those who think they can't," my old coach used to tell me, "are both still thralls of the Infinite Triple Ghoul King."

To his credit, he kept us running pretty darn fast. But how do you even triple infinity?

"A poisonous breakfast is the most important meal of your last day," the asp told me with a menacing hiss.

My general rule is Always trust a talking snake, so I'm sure this is legit, but I can't help but to feel skeptical about something there. Maybe it's just that asps aren't native to California?

"We've updated our slogan from REDUCE - REUSE - RECYCLE to add REVENANT at the end, to make our program more zombie-friendly."

"You do realize that zombies are fictional, right?" I replied.

"Oh yeah? Well, you're fictional."

No one has ever accused me of such a thing before.

It was a tower of clear plastic, or clear something like plastic, all in tubes, twisting and turning and intersecting, some ten stories high. The sun caught my eye uncomfortably as I looked up at the tower, but I saw billows, and twisting joints, and smoke or steam from a dozen vents. Inside those tubes were snakes of different sizes and breeds: ( Read more... )

I have decided, for the first time in my life, that I would prefer my clothes to be soft. How do I do this?

Poll Domestic Advice

Thanks in advance!

Dear Sir and/or Madam,

We have received and read your manuscript submission of Weaponized Venn Diagrams, and found that there was a great deal of good and original work within ( Read more... )

"This ain't my first rodeo," he said with a confident swagger.

I shuffled awkwardly. "Actually, this is a wig factory, not a rodeo at all."

He hung his head sheepishly.

"This is actually my first non-rodeo," he admitted.

As you might know, I have been spending the past few months making a concerted effort not to do anything story-worthy. My theory is that a happy life is one devoid of narrative value. I would tell you more about it, but that would ruin it ( Read more... )