"What kind of beans ( Read more... )

"Well my entire family just came down from Atlanta, so I can't hang out with you guys ( Read more... )

I did my first pap smear today. Nothing can quite prepare you for it, but the doctors seemed quite adamant about it, and I realized I was just going to have to do it. So I suited up and came through the door, just oozing "doctor ( Read more... )

Dear Congressman,

I am writing to you today because I feel that something must be done about knives. They are dangerous weapons, and they kill every year. The story that comes to mind first is that of young Elliot Smith. When I think of his untimely death I become a Roman Candle, but I have decided to focus my anger positively, ( Read more... )

"Hey baby, lets go get some food. It'll be like a date."
"No, don't talk to me."
"Come on, it won't really be like a date. I wasn't going to pay for your food."
"Don't talk to me, creep."
( Being a security guard is boring. )

Today I was walking with my eyes to the sky, searching for what it could give me. A guy saw me doing this and asked, "looking for God, Brother?" Then I sneezed in his face and said "no" while I walked away.

My membranes are
Always above threshold potential
But it is okay;
The potassium channels are always open
In my post-synaptic neuron
My myelin is unsheathed
I have a cat
Named mcat

The Witness said "so, are you interested in the prayer group?," referring to the flyer he had placed in my hand, and I said, "no, not really ( Read more... )

So we all know that Christmas is the day when we get presents and don't have any scholastic responsibilities for like two weeks. But do you know the reason for the season? I thought that you might not, so here it is: A long time ago, a guy named Jesus walked and talked just like a human, but it turns out he wasn't. I know what you're thinking ( Read more... )

Today I got off the bus in front of the art building and a girl asked me if she could paint a picture of me. My wise reply was thus: "You may, if you can make me look more attractive." She then, with little or no pause, refused the challenge, walked away, sat down, and began to meditate on my words. While I was engrossed in the wisdom of my own ( Read more... )