ok i just need to know what the deal is ( Read more... )

big ol' ox like grady won't sit next to a colored child; but he eats eggs, shoot right out a chicken's ass ( Read more... )

i may or may have not ruined someone's dating career last night.

being the total gossipmonger that i am, it comes as no surprise that i know shit about everyone.

so here the story goes. at like 11.30 my phone rings. its a number i don't recognize. but since my phoen NEVER RINGS i pick it up.

hello?

mitch?

yes?

hi. this is r. you know, ( Read more... )

so mitch, what did you do last night?

well, i spent about ten minutes with my ear to the floor/hvac vent in the living room listening to....

to what?

to the douchebag that lives in our basement fucking his girlfriend. ugly girlfriend i might add.

what? no!oh yes. my roommate came crashing into my bedroom and said "mitch, come out here, but don ( Read more... )

so everyone has heard about the george michael cruising in the park scandal.

in honor of gawker's astute coverage, which spawned the FABULOUS locution "hot piece of twat" (it even resulted in a fucking fantastic t shirt - that i bought), i am officially proclaiming tomorrow "hot piece of twat" day. this is similar to cameltoe replacement day ( Read more... )

I would have spun it around, driven to her sad office in a suburban Akron strip mall, sweetly asked the receptionist to see her, marched right up to her cubicle filled with heart frames and teddy bears and, spotting her in her Wet Seal markdowns and Payless BoGo shoes and home-highlighted hair, would have donkey-punched her right in her vile, ( Read more... )

Ok, so it was Saturday afternoon and I had just finished a marathon session of Logo-watching (including the Broken Hearts Club, obv) and what else was I going to do. The last night of Velvet Nation, of course. I was a bit hesitant, as I hadn’t yet purchased a ticket (did anyone ask me if they could pick one up for me, no.) as reserved presale ( Read more... )

well. i got an email from youtube today letting me know what someone had commented on my video! YEA!

so i checked. and here it goes.

The clothes don't look Arab to me. They look like Indians. Arabs and Indians are different people - you shouldn't get mixed up between the two.

followed by

I mean, you wouldn't want German music and dance to ( Read more... )

on july 2nd, replace every few nouns in your conversation with the word "cameltoe." this is for two reasons. one to promote the use of this often underappreciated (somewhat neo-)logism. two because it kind of turns life into a fun party game ( Read more... )

so in an attempt to continue my old school madonna streak, i remember that i also owned a copy of "true blue" but that it didn't seem to be in the changer. see, i was feeling a bit bad that i had "bedtime stories" in there, cause that's post 1990 and a bit too new to be considered old school. yes it was before "ray of light" and all that kabbalah ( Read more... )