In the Wrong Pt 4
Title: "In the Wrong" 4/10
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angsty smut again!
Warning: Some semi-hate smex!
Summary: Seungri tried so hard. So why did it feel that no matter what happened he always ended up in the wrong?
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Epilogue
~*~
A/N: This is the longest piece i've ever written. Sorry there isn't much TabiRi in this one, but I actually have a little snippet saved for later for everyone that requested it. I swear if you hang in there, I'll give you a treat!
ONWARD!!!
~*~
Youngbae took one look at the three men sitting in front of him on the couch and immediately put his hands on his hips.
“Ok, who is going to tell me what happened.”
Seungri hastily looked to the ground and tried to avoid everyone’s eyes. Seunghyun and Jiyong hadn’t stopped glaring at each other since THE INCIDENT and everyone had started to notice. Daesung had come through the door, glanced at Jiyong’s black eye and Seunghyun’s red knuckles and turned right back around. Youngbae, on the other hand, knew exactly what had been going on and forced them all to sit together to talk it out as punishment. At least that’s what Seungri assumed by the way he was looking pointedly between the two hyungs.
Seunghyun sighed and shifted closer to Seungri. Even since THE INCIDENT he hadn’t left him alone for more than a second. Every time Jiyong was in the house, he was glued to the maknae’s side. At first his presence was little more than an annoyance, but after three days of constantly being watched, Seungri felt like he was going to insane.
“Well?!” Youngbae’s eyes shrunk to tiny slits and Seungri shivered. He’d never seen his hyung angry since…well, ever. Usually he was the one to come and make everything better. Jiyong was better at telling everyone what exactly was wrong with them. Seeing his kindest hyung so mad was, unnerving. Jiyong must have felt it too, because he sighed heavily and leaned forward.
“Seunghyun didn’t appreciate the way I had been treating the maknae and punched me to prove it.”
Seungri gaped at the leader. Whatever he had been expecting him to say, the honest truth was definitely not it. Youngbae, however was not impressed at his candid answer. He crossed his arms over his chest and if possible, looked even more menacing.
“I figured that Jiyong. I am talking about what has been going on for the past 2 weeks.” Jiyong huffed and fell back into the sofa. His eye roll was not missed by Youngbae. “Jiyong, it’s obvious that something happened between you and Seungri and now you’ve pulled Seunghyun into it, too. I would have left it alone, but it’s started to affect the whole group.”
“It’s not his fault, hyung.” Youngbae turned, confused, to look at the maknae. Seungri glanced at Jiyong and missed the way Seunghyun’s eyes closed in defeat. His heart gave a weak jolt when he found him looking anywhere but at him. He couldn’t even look at him now? He turned back, lost, when Youngbae crouched in front of him and placed his hand softly over his own shaking ones.
“Seungri, you don’t have to cover for him.” Youngbae deserved a metal or something for how sudden he was able to go from pissed to gentle. His eyes held the same pity that everyone else had when they looked at him lately. Roughly, he shook off the singers hands and stood to get out of the oppressive atmosphere of sympathy.
“I’m not.” He looked down at the floor, unable to look at his three hyungs. “I just wasn’t…good enough. Jiyong-hyung is just trying to make me be better. It wouldn’t be fair of me to hold him back.”
He managed to lift his eyes but immediately wished he hadn’t. Youngbae’s horrified face burned into his memory and Seunghyun’s closed eyes and shaking hands caused an odd shift in his gut. Jiyong simply stared blankly at him, still as a statue. For some reason, that hurt more than any of the words he’d thrown at him.
“Ri.” Youngbae breathed like an apology but Seungri didn’t understand things like that. He looked away from his three hyungs in humiliation and bowed.
“I promise I’ll work harder, hyung.” His voice came out strong but his chin quivered. He held his hands tightly together and prayed for the strength to make it from the room with out breaking. He spun around before anyone could stop him and took small measured steps to his room. It took all his will power not to run and look like he was trying to flee. He was nearly out of earshot when he heard Seunghyun’s gravely voice strike out like a bullet.
“How is it that you manage to ruin everything you touch, Jiyong?”
He was already under the comforting weight of his blankets when the leader rose like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
“I learned from the best, Seunghyun.”
~*~
Seungri couldn’t pinpoint the moment he felt himself slip. It was like falling backward into a pool of warm water. It was comforting and safe and felt like the world around couldn’t touch him if it tried. He got up in the mornings, ate breakfast and practiced with his hyungs, but none of it seemed real. It felt like someone else was living his life in his body and he only had to watch. He saw Daesung try so hard to lift the mood, only to give up and go to gym when no one could even crack a smile. He watched Seunghyun drink a little more every night at dinner and smile sadly whenever Youngbae looked at him with worry in his eyes. He endured Youngbae following him around trying to talk and frowning when he only managed to stare blankly. He heard Jiyong bring home girl after girl and write songs about broken toys and endless winters. He watched a boy with dark circles and a crooked smile pretend that everything was normal.
Breakfast was especially tense as Youngbae set eggs on everyone’s plate and they all tried to avoid his tired eyes. Seungri pulled up a smile and tried to break the tension but it only caused Youngbae to stare at him suspiciously and Jiyong and Seunghyun glare even more so he gave up.
He laid awake at night and pretended he didn’t hear empty bottles clinking in the living room as Seunghyun stared at the blank television. Pretended he didn’t hear Daesung’s quiet crying over the sound of the comedy he was watching alone or Youngbae have a hushed conversation with his family back home that ‘yes everything was fine’ and ‘no I can’t come home’ and silence when he was told his grandma probably wouldn’t make it for much longer. Pretended that the girl down the hall wasn’t calling out his leader’s name over and over. Pretended that it didn’t squeeze his heart to know that he was the cause of everything.
He rolled over and traced random patterns on the bed and pushed away the thoughts that kept coming to him at moments like this.
“Seungri?” A soft voice called from the door. “Are you awake?“
He held perfectly still and prayed the person would go away and leave him in his safe place. A sliver of light shone from the hallway before it was cut off as the door clicked shut. He nearly sighed in relief until he felt the bed shift as someone laid down behind him. A soft hand slid around his stomach and snuggled up against his back.
Jiyong.
His arms longed to twine together with the leaders. His very limbs missed the constant contact they used to have. His whole body seemed to sigh in relief as he sunk back into the embrace. He wanted to cry at the way Jiyong’s thumb brushed up and down his bare stomach. How could one man make his whole world break apart and piece itself back together with a simple touch. His heart thudded violently in his chest when he felt a soft kiss on the back of his neck.
“Please.” He was surprised to hear his own voice whine. “I’ll be better this time, hyung.”
He was rolled onto his back and was shocked to see Jiyong didn’t look as cold as he had for the past two weeks. He looked down at him almost, sadly. At that moment with the moonlight barely streaming though the cracks in the curtains and his chest heaving, Ri would have given him the world if he’d asked.
He vowed to fix whatever he had done wrong the last time and spread his legs wide beneath the rapper. He thrust up experimentally and was rewarded with a groan. Jiyong’s lips found his and it felt like coming home. He wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled his precious leader as close as possible. Jiyong squirmed against his hug but he just closed his eyes and pretended they could stay like this forever.
“Ri, let go.” He whispered against his ear. “I can’t fuck you properly if you suffocate me.”
Reluctantly he let go and laid pliant for Jiyong to pull both of their clothes off. He wished so badly that he could ask what had been going on the past two weeks but he didn’t want to break the tenuous truce that seemed to have been drawn.
The wind swept slowly through the room, stirring his fringe lightly. A quick hand brushed it out of is eyes. He could have sworn he’d seen…something in the other’s eyes before it was replaced with the empty look he wore so often. It made his heart swell with unsung love songs and lazy Sunday mornings snuggling. Seungri tried his hardest not to think about tomorrow but when Jiyong leaned forward and kissed his breath away he couldn’t help but picture their whole future together in a second. He smiled into the kiss, ran his fingers though soft hair and tried not to break the moment. A silky tongue tangled with his and he could have sworn he was in heaven. He moaned shamelessly, trying to draw Jiyong to him. Every inch his hyung got closer, the colder his eyes got. Seungri kept writhing and pulling and kissing. Anything to keep him close. Sooner than he wanted, Jiyong broke free and smirked down at him. He would have looked beautiful were it not for the empty eyes and sinister grin. It made his heart thud painfully to be -finally-so close to what he treasured the most, only to be farther than ever.
“Hyung…”
“Shh, hyung is going to make everything all better.”
Jiyong sucked on his own fingers as he stroked himself to hardness. He couldn’t refrain from feeling helpless knowing countless girls had seen the same thing and called his name out over and over to prove it. Without a word, Jiyong lifted his legs onto his shoulders. He really tried to get used to the feeling of slickness inside him. Jiyong’s eyes burned while he watched every single expression he made. He felt like he was on display; Spread out for Jiyong to use.
So this is what shame feels like…
He turned his head to the side and tried to cover it with his arm. Jiyong growled and threw it roughly to the side.
“No.”
Seungri looked up and it took his breath away to see his hyung hovering above him, eyes wide and looking so desperate and vicious.
“Show me everything. I need to see it all.”
‘Don’t you always…’
His voice was dangerously low and for a moment, he felt scared to disobey. Forcefully, he added a second finger and Seungri tried to pretend that it didn’t burn. Jiyong watched him with careful eyes as he moved his fingers around inside. He must not have gotten the response he was looking for because long before he was ready, the fingers were removed.
“Just breath, Ri.” ghosted across his skin. He shivered at the contact and tried to do what he was told
In Out In Out In Out In Out In-
“Ah!”
and suddenly Ji was inside him. Against his will tears came to his eyes as fire shot through his body again.
InOutInOutInOutInOut
“Hyung…”A whimper tore from his throat but Jiyong just kept pushing in. He tried to hold out for the pleasure that followed last time, but every move the older boy made brought more tears spilling out. Jiyong slid the hair from his forehead again and gazed down at him with such sad eyes. He tried to get used to it and try harder to be better for his hyung but the constant fire at every shift made his legs shake. His hands gripped the sheets until he was white knuckled and gasping.
“Please hyung. S-stop.”
“I can’t Seungri. I can’t stop. I tried everything but when I look at you, I just can’t stop.” Seungri knew they we’re talking about sex anymore but the pain drove all logical thoughts from his brain.
This wasn’t his hyung. It couldn't have been. His hyung snuggled and threw his arm around him at every opportunity. His hyung cried at sappy movies then forced you to never tell anyone ever upon penalty of death and dismemberment. His hyung was gentle and kind.
No, this wasn't his hyung. He was replaced with someone cold and vicious and hateful.
The pain only deminished by a little as Jiyong lifted his legs higher. He didn’t know what he did wrong, but sex wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was sure of it. This felt like punishment. He closed his eyes as the burning faded little by little. Jiyong groaned above him. If he’d had more courage he would have made him stop. He had at least 10 pounds on the leader. But, Jiyong held his heart tightly in his hand and every little squeeze made him drop to his knees and ask
‘what can I do to make you happy?’
He had never felt more weak more pathetic. How had it ended up like this? He squeezed the sheets between his hands in some semblance of a plea and prayed.
He prayed for strength. He prayed for wisdom to know when to give up. He prayed for forgiveness for whatever he had done to be punished so much but it stayed unanswered. His prayers always did.
~*~
Jiyong was warm against his back as they felt asleep together. The leader had kissed his tears away and then held him until he stopped sobbing. Seungri wanted to push him away so he wouldn’t fall back into the same place, but every moment spent in his arm was a moment more he as lost.
“My Seungri.” Barely breathed, he almost missed Jiyong’s soft words as the leader fell asleep.
He closed his eyes tightly and fought against the surge of hope trembling in his stomach. He knew, logically that the next morning the leader would go back to hating him but for a moment, just a moment, his heart felt lighter.
~*~
Seungri’s eyes fluttered open as he heard quiet voices arguing just outside his door.
“You can’t do this to him, Jiyong! It’s not fair!”
“Stay out of it, Bae. It has nothing to do with you.”
“It does when I see you sneaking out of his room in the morning!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Stop using him, Ji. You of all people should know how shitty that feels.”
“Leave. It. Alone.”
“Ji, please think about someone else besides yourself! You know how much he looks up to you!”
“I fucked him, Bae. Did he tell you that?”
“…“
“He’s not as innocent as you might think.”
He heard someone shuffle away and he knew he should probably feel hurt and humiliated that he kept falling for Jiyong’s tricks but as he felt the warm comfort of numbness surround him, he found, he didn’t care. It didn’t matter at all that Youngbae was probably standing right outside his door with his jaw on the floor thinking he was such a slut to let someone who didn’t even love him sleep with him. As he stood up it didn’t matter that the little fine pieces of his heart were scattered all over the sheets. As he put his dirty clothes in the hamper it didn’t matter than his pride had shriveled up into nothingness.
And as he looked in the mirror and practiced his smile it didn’t matter that no matter how many times he tried it just didn’t reach his eyes anymore.
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angsty smut again!
Warning: Some semi-hate smex!
Summary: Seungri tried so hard. So why did it feel that no matter what happened he always ended up in the wrong?
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Epilogue
~*~
A/N: This is the longest piece i've ever written. Sorry there isn't much TabiRi in this one, but I actually have a little snippet saved for later for everyone that requested it. I swear if you hang in there, I'll give you a treat!
ONWARD!!!
~*~
Youngbae took one look at the three men sitting in front of him on the couch and immediately put his hands on his hips.
“Ok, who is going to tell me what happened.”
Seungri hastily looked to the ground and tried to avoid everyone’s eyes. Seunghyun and Jiyong hadn’t stopped glaring at each other since THE INCIDENT and everyone had started to notice. Daesung had come through the door, glanced at Jiyong’s black eye and Seunghyun’s red knuckles and turned right back around. Youngbae, on the other hand, knew exactly what had been going on and forced them all to sit together to talk it out as punishment. At least that’s what Seungri assumed by the way he was looking pointedly between the two hyungs.
Seunghyun sighed and shifted closer to Seungri. Even since THE INCIDENT he hadn’t left him alone for more than a second. Every time Jiyong was in the house, he was glued to the maknae’s side. At first his presence was little more than an annoyance, but after three days of constantly being watched, Seungri felt like he was going to insane.
“Well?!” Youngbae’s eyes shrunk to tiny slits and Seungri shivered. He’d never seen his hyung angry since…well, ever. Usually he was the one to come and make everything better. Jiyong was better at telling everyone what exactly was wrong with them. Seeing his kindest hyung so mad was, unnerving. Jiyong must have felt it too, because he sighed heavily and leaned forward.
“Seunghyun didn’t appreciate the way I had been treating the maknae and punched me to prove it.”
Seungri gaped at the leader. Whatever he had been expecting him to say, the honest truth was definitely not it. Youngbae, however was not impressed at his candid answer. He crossed his arms over his chest and if possible, looked even more menacing.
“I figured that Jiyong. I am talking about what has been going on for the past 2 weeks.” Jiyong huffed and fell back into the sofa. His eye roll was not missed by Youngbae. “Jiyong, it’s obvious that something happened between you and Seungri and now you’ve pulled Seunghyun into it, too. I would have left it alone, but it’s started to affect the whole group.”
“It’s not his fault, hyung.” Youngbae turned, confused, to look at the maknae. Seungri glanced at Jiyong and missed the way Seunghyun’s eyes closed in defeat. His heart gave a weak jolt when he found him looking anywhere but at him. He couldn’t even look at him now? He turned back, lost, when Youngbae crouched in front of him and placed his hand softly over his own shaking ones.
“Seungri, you don’t have to cover for him.” Youngbae deserved a metal or something for how sudden he was able to go from pissed to gentle. His eyes held the same pity that everyone else had when they looked at him lately. Roughly, he shook off the singers hands and stood to get out of the oppressive atmosphere of sympathy.
“I’m not.” He looked down at the floor, unable to look at his three hyungs. “I just wasn’t…good enough. Jiyong-hyung is just trying to make me be better. It wouldn’t be fair of me to hold him back.”
He managed to lift his eyes but immediately wished he hadn’t. Youngbae’s horrified face burned into his memory and Seunghyun’s closed eyes and shaking hands caused an odd shift in his gut. Jiyong simply stared blankly at him, still as a statue. For some reason, that hurt more than any of the words he’d thrown at him.
“Ri.” Youngbae breathed like an apology but Seungri didn’t understand things like that. He looked away from his three hyungs in humiliation and bowed.
“I promise I’ll work harder, hyung.” His voice came out strong but his chin quivered. He held his hands tightly together and prayed for the strength to make it from the room with out breaking. He spun around before anyone could stop him and took small measured steps to his room. It took all his will power not to run and look like he was trying to flee. He was nearly out of earshot when he heard Seunghyun’s gravely voice strike out like a bullet.
“How is it that you manage to ruin everything you touch, Jiyong?”
He was already under the comforting weight of his blankets when the leader rose like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
“I learned from the best, Seunghyun.”
~*~
Seungri couldn’t pinpoint the moment he felt himself slip. It was like falling backward into a pool of warm water. It was comforting and safe and felt like the world around couldn’t touch him if it tried. He got up in the mornings, ate breakfast and practiced with his hyungs, but none of it seemed real. It felt like someone else was living his life in his body and he only had to watch. He saw Daesung try so hard to lift the mood, only to give up and go to gym when no one could even crack a smile. He watched Seunghyun drink a little more every night at dinner and smile sadly whenever Youngbae looked at him with worry in his eyes. He endured Youngbae following him around trying to talk and frowning when he only managed to stare blankly. He heard Jiyong bring home girl after girl and write songs about broken toys and endless winters. He watched a boy with dark circles and a crooked smile pretend that everything was normal.
Breakfast was especially tense as Youngbae set eggs on everyone’s plate and they all tried to avoid his tired eyes. Seungri pulled up a smile and tried to break the tension but it only caused Youngbae to stare at him suspiciously and Jiyong and Seunghyun glare even more so he gave up.
He laid awake at night and pretended he didn’t hear empty bottles clinking in the living room as Seunghyun stared at the blank television. Pretended he didn’t hear Daesung’s quiet crying over the sound of the comedy he was watching alone or Youngbae have a hushed conversation with his family back home that ‘yes everything was fine’ and ‘no I can’t come home’ and silence when he was told his grandma probably wouldn’t make it for much longer. Pretended that the girl down the hall wasn’t calling out his leader’s name over and over. Pretended that it didn’t squeeze his heart to know that he was the cause of everything.
He rolled over and traced random patterns on the bed and pushed away the thoughts that kept coming to him at moments like this.
“Seungri?” A soft voice called from the door. “Are you awake?“
He held perfectly still and prayed the person would go away and leave him in his safe place. A sliver of light shone from the hallway before it was cut off as the door clicked shut. He nearly sighed in relief until he felt the bed shift as someone laid down behind him. A soft hand slid around his stomach and snuggled up against his back.
Jiyong.
His arms longed to twine together with the leaders. His very limbs missed the constant contact they used to have. His whole body seemed to sigh in relief as he sunk back into the embrace. He wanted to cry at the way Jiyong’s thumb brushed up and down his bare stomach. How could one man make his whole world break apart and piece itself back together with a simple touch. His heart thudded violently in his chest when he felt a soft kiss on the back of his neck.
“Please.” He was surprised to hear his own voice whine. “I’ll be better this time, hyung.”
He was rolled onto his back and was shocked to see Jiyong didn’t look as cold as he had for the past two weeks. He looked down at him almost, sadly. At that moment with the moonlight barely streaming though the cracks in the curtains and his chest heaving, Ri would have given him the world if he’d asked.
He vowed to fix whatever he had done wrong the last time and spread his legs wide beneath the rapper. He thrust up experimentally and was rewarded with a groan. Jiyong’s lips found his and it felt like coming home. He wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled his precious leader as close as possible. Jiyong squirmed against his hug but he just closed his eyes and pretended they could stay like this forever.
“Ri, let go.” He whispered against his ear. “I can’t fuck you properly if you suffocate me.”
Reluctantly he let go and laid pliant for Jiyong to pull both of their clothes off. He wished so badly that he could ask what had been going on the past two weeks but he didn’t want to break the tenuous truce that seemed to have been drawn.
The wind swept slowly through the room, stirring his fringe lightly. A quick hand brushed it out of is eyes. He could have sworn he’d seen…something in the other’s eyes before it was replaced with the empty look he wore so often. It made his heart swell with unsung love songs and lazy Sunday mornings snuggling. Seungri tried his hardest not to think about tomorrow but when Jiyong leaned forward and kissed his breath away he couldn’t help but picture their whole future together in a second. He smiled into the kiss, ran his fingers though soft hair and tried not to break the moment. A silky tongue tangled with his and he could have sworn he was in heaven. He moaned shamelessly, trying to draw Jiyong to him. Every inch his hyung got closer, the colder his eyes got. Seungri kept writhing and pulling and kissing. Anything to keep him close. Sooner than he wanted, Jiyong broke free and smirked down at him. He would have looked beautiful were it not for the empty eyes and sinister grin. It made his heart thud painfully to be -finally-so close to what he treasured the most, only to be farther than ever.
“Hyung…”
“Shh, hyung is going to make everything all better.”
Jiyong sucked on his own fingers as he stroked himself to hardness. He couldn’t refrain from feeling helpless knowing countless girls had seen the same thing and called his name out over and over to prove it. Without a word, Jiyong lifted his legs onto his shoulders. He really tried to get used to the feeling of slickness inside him. Jiyong’s eyes burned while he watched every single expression he made. He felt like he was on display; Spread out for Jiyong to use.
So this is what shame feels like…
He turned his head to the side and tried to cover it with his arm. Jiyong growled and threw it roughly to the side.
“No.”
Seungri looked up and it took his breath away to see his hyung hovering above him, eyes wide and looking so desperate and vicious.
“Show me everything. I need to see it all.”
‘Don’t you always…’
His voice was dangerously low and for a moment, he felt scared to disobey. Forcefully, he added a second finger and Seungri tried to pretend that it didn’t burn. Jiyong watched him with careful eyes as he moved his fingers around inside. He must not have gotten the response he was looking for because long before he was ready, the fingers were removed.
“Just breath, Ri.” ghosted across his skin. He shivered at the contact and tried to do what he was told
In Out In Out In Out In Out In-
“Ah!”
and suddenly Ji was inside him. Against his will tears came to his eyes as fire shot through his body again.
InOutInOutInOutInOut
“Hyung…”A whimper tore from his throat but Jiyong just kept pushing in. He tried to hold out for the pleasure that followed last time, but every move the older boy made brought more tears spilling out. Jiyong slid the hair from his forehead again and gazed down at him with such sad eyes. He tried to get used to it and try harder to be better for his hyung but the constant fire at every shift made his legs shake. His hands gripped the sheets until he was white knuckled and gasping.
“Please hyung. S-stop.”
“I can’t Seungri. I can’t stop. I tried everything but when I look at you, I just can’t stop.” Seungri knew they we’re talking about sex anymore but the pain drove all logical thoughts from his brain.
This wasn’t his hyung. It couldn't have been. His hyung snuggled and threw his arm around him at every opportunity. His hyung cried at sappy movies then forced you to never tell anyone ever upon penalty of death and dismemberment. His hyung was gentle and kind.
No, this wasn't his hyung. He was replaced with someone cold and vicious and hateful.
The pain only deminished by a little as Jiyong lifted his legs higher. He didn’t know what he did wrong, but sex wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was sure of it. This felt like punishment. He closed his eyes as the burning faded little by little. Jiyong groaned above him. If he’d had more courage he would have made him stop. He had at least 10 pounds on the leader. But, Jiyong held his heart tightly in his hand and every little squeeze made him drop to his knees and ask
‘what can I do to make you happy?’
He had never felt more weak more pathetic. How had it ended up like this? He squeezed the sheets between his hands in some semblance of a plea and prayed.
He prayed for strength. He prayed for wisdom to know when to give up. He prayed for forgiveness for whatever he had done to be punished so much but it stayed unanswered. His prayers always did.
~*~
Jiyong was warm against his back as they felt asleep together. The leader had kissed his tears away and then held him until he stopped sobbing. Seungri wanted to push him away so he wouldn’t fall back into the same place, but every moment spent in his arm was a moment more he as lost.
“My Seungri.” Barely breathed, he almost missed Jiyong’s soft words as the leader fell asleep.
He closed his eyes tightly and fought against the surge of hope trembling in his stomach. He knew, logically that the next morning the leader would go back to hating him but for a moment, just a moment, his heart felt lighter.
~*~
Seungri’s eyes fluttered open as he heard quiet voices arguing just outside his door.
“You can’t do this to him, Jiyong! It’s not fair!”
“Stay out of it, Bae. It has nothing to do with you.”
“It does when I see you sneaking out of his room in the morning!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Stop using him, Ji. You of all people should know how shitty that feels.”
“Leave. It. Alone.”
“Ji, please think about someone else besides yourself! You know how much he looks up to you!”
“I fucked him, Bae. Did he tell you that?”
“…“
“He’s not as innocent as you might think.”
He heard someone shuffle away and he knew he should probably feel hurt and humiliated that he kept falling for Jiyong’s tricks but as he felt the warm comfort of numbness surround him, he found, he didn’t care. It didn’t matter at all that Youngbae was probably standing right outside his door with his jaw on the floor thinking he was such a slut to let someone who didn’t even love him sleep with him. As he stood up it didn’t matter that the little fine pieces of his heart were scattered all over the sheets. As he put his dirty clothes in the hamper it didn’t matter than his pride had shriveled up into nothingness.
And as he looked in the mirror and practiced his smile it didn’t matter that no matter how many times he tried it just didn’t reach his eyes anymore.