Life and Breath Part 31
Title: Life and Breath
Author: Pink Rabbit Productions
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Part: 31
Date: 28 August, 2010
Rating: Personally, I'd call it an R, but some might consider it NC-17 at some point.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations belong to other folks far wealthier, more important (or at least with better lawyers), and hopefully more charitable and kinder than I. They include, but are not necessarily limited to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, and Telenext. The actual arrangement of words, however, remains my own as do any original characters. Meanwhile, there is likely to be all female romantic and sexual activity ahead, so if this is likely to get you, me, or anybody else arrested should you take a gander, please move along. Also, if you find that sort of thing offensive, you really probably shouldn't hang around anyplace I'm posting. Just sayin'....
Archiving: The Pink Rabbit Consortium
Spoilers: Some early scenes definitely, plus anything through the spa trip is fair game.
Timeline: Unlike some folks, I don't have an exact scene where this one takes off. However, it's definitely set after the spa trip, but before Rafe's release from the halfway house. Oh, and it's after Natalia admits she's in love with Olivia to Father Ray.
Earlier Parts: | Part 1 (Prologue) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26 | Part 27 | Part 28 | Part 29 | Part 30 |
Life and Breath
by Pink Rabbit Productions
Part 31
Still disturbed by the confrontation with Frank, Buzz was far more concentrated on his thoughts than the comings and goings in Company. His wait-staff was competent. They could handle most customers. He had bigger problems.
He'd thought Frank was mostly over the whole Natalia debacle, but it looked like the news about her relationship with Olivia had sent him back into a tailspin. In some ways, Buzz couldn't even blame him. Not many men could handle the news that two exes had hooked up without feeling like they'd taken a solid upper cut to the ego.
"Shit," Buzz muttered under his breath, wondering if they were looking at another few months of heavy drinking, surly behavior, and random hookups. Frank's ego was fragile at the best of times, but losing a woman he wanted to another woman-and Olivia Spencer in particular-wasn't the sort of thing he was ever going to bear well. He had distinct views of how women were supposed to behave, a sort of 50s paradigm that slotted women into neat categories based on their relation to men. He saw them as virgins, wives, potential dates and easy sex, but rarely as individuals with wants and needs of their own. He could just barely readjust his outlook for his sister Harley-she was allowed some measure of individuality-but it was firmly in place for every other woman on the planet, most especially for Natalia Rivera.
Sometimes Buzz thought that Natalia's big appeal-other than her obvious physical beauty, and the ego boosting surge of thinking she wanted him-had been Frank's belief that she fit his mental stereotype of the perfect wife. She cooked, she cleaned, she'd spent seventeen virtuous years waiting for her first love.
He couldn't see that she was more than a gorgeous housekeeper, that she genuinely liked a mental challenge and wasn't some naive little girl in need of a man to take care of her.
And he certainly couldn't see that waiting so long between lovers might have nothing to do with being his idea of a good woman and everything to do with not wanting to break the rules she'd been raised to believe in.
Because that would lead to the conclusion that a relationship with Olivia wasn't so much a choice as a fulfillment of her true self.
That was the sort of thing Frank didn't like. Not that he was precisely a bigot. He wouldn't be rude to someone or deny them service or a job. But he saw such things as a choice and it just wasn't right in his opinion. Had Natalia been unattractive, he likely wouldn't have cared. After all, that would've meant she couldn't get a man in Frank's world. But for a beautiful woman to make a choice to reject him in favor of another woman. No, he wasn't ever going to understand that, and what Frank didn't understand, he didn't like.
And what he didn't like, he seldom accepted.
"Shit," Buzz muttered again as he began stacking clean glasses behind the bar and contemplating possible points of argument should the subject come up again. Contrary to what some people thought, Frank was capable of changing his mind or seeing an alternate viewpoint. The trick was to couch the discussion through the prism of his own outlook. Not always easy.
He was still struggling to formulate a logical argument when someone tugged at his sleeve. "Can I help you?" he questioned as he turned, his tone polite but distant. Normally, he was one for inviting confidences from his customers, but for once his mind was elsewhere.
Tall and blandly good looking, the man at the bar had surprisingly blank eyes given the friendly seeming smile he wore. "The waitress said you own the place," he said, the obvious question threading through his tone. "It's...uh...Cooper, right?"
"Yeah, Buzz Cooper," Buzz confirmed, brow drawing into a hint of a frown.
"But you're Frank's father...detective Cooper, I mean?"
"Yeah," Buzz exhaled, suddenly uneasy with the contrasting friendly smile and blank eyes.
The newcomer seemed to pick up on Buzz's discomfort because he held up a hand, his voice smoothing out a little more. "Sorry, I'd forgotten what small towns can be like," he soothed. "Name's Jim Barron. I'm sort of a friend of Frank's...I mean, not long term or anything, but we've had a few beers together..." He trailed off momentarily, then started again. "I'm a cop in Chicago...in town for my sister's wedding, and Frank was kind enough to help with a case I was checking out while I'm here."
"Okay," Buzz said, still giving nothing away as he waited to see what this man wanted.
Barron looked away momentarily, his gaze distant as though he was trying to decide what lie to tell. And where had that thought come from, Buzz wondered as he watched the other man, his unease only increasing.
"Thing is," Barron began when he finally spoke, not quite meeting Buzz's eyes as he continued, "I just wondered if Frank was around...thought maybe he'd be up for lunch or something."
"He's not here," Buzz said, maintaining the flat, cool tone.
"Ah...okay." A long pause and those blank, dark eyes remained focused elsewhere. "Look," Barron said at last, looking up, his tone low, brows drawn into a frown, "I don't quite know what to say here-"
"How about the truth," Buzz suggested, his sarcasm subtle enough that most people who didn't know him well, wouldn't have picked up on it. Olivia would have known in an instant. He was a little surprised when Barron's head tipped ever so slightly to one side and his eyes narrowed faintly. A hint of knowledge ghosted through dark eyes, then faded away again.
Barron exhaled a small laugh and looked away again. "It's just...I don't wanna butt into something that's none of my business...but..."
"Yes?" Buzz said, his tone rising on a question.
Barron looked up then, a frown creasing his brow. "I know Frank's having a rough time...and I don't wanna make things worse for him...make him feel like I'm tattling to daddy."
Buzz relaxed ever so slightly. Wanting to protect Frank's privacy could well explain the neatly covered emotions. "I know Frank's having some difficulties...dealing with...old issues."
"His ex," Barron filled in, but didn't add any further details.
Buzz relaxed another notch. The other man could only have gotten that from Frank.
Barron paused, visibly debating his next words. "I'm staying at the Beacon Hotel," he explained when he finally spoke. "And when I was headed out this morning, I caught the tail end of some kind of scene...involving Frank. He got some pretty...difficult...news. Rushed out before I could catch up with him." He exhaled a soft sigh and picked a discarded shot glass up off the bar. "I was worried. He's talked a little about how some of this stuff...and I wanted to make sure he's okay."
"You know who his ex is with then?" Buzz questioned, carefully not specifying the answer. He watched Barron carefully, wishing he could catch more than a glimpse of dark eyes in the reflective surface of the shot glass as the other man appeared to study it thoughtfully.
"Another woman," Barron said at last, sounding uncomfortable enough to ease some of Buzz's worries. "Frank told me about it," he explained. "And this morning...I think he walked in on them or something...and a buncha the employees at the hotel weren't real kind about it. Said some pretty shitty stuff about Frank...and he heard it." He finally looked up. "I just wanted to make sure he's okay. It was pretty bad...and after the way he rushed out of there...well...I was...worried." He looked away again and muttered a curse under his breath. "I couldn't live with myself if they pulled the guy outa the river and I coulda done something to help."
A flinch rattled through Buzz as the other man gave voice to one of the fears that haunted him. Swamped by emotion, he couldn't think for a moment. He closed his eyes tightly as he tamped down a welling surge of guilt for his own part in the damage done to his son. It didn't help that Frank had made it clear he still felt the sting of that early abandonment. "I'm sure Frank would never, ever do...that," he insisted, but it was more whistling in the graveyard than real confidence. Frank was such a barely papered over mass of passive/aggressive resentments and insecurities that there were days Buzz was genuinely terrified that something would break deep inside.
"Good," Barron said quickly, though he didn't sound terribly confident in Buzz's opinion. "Cos Frank's a good guy...and I just...I don't wanna see him hurting, y'know?"
Buzz managed a shaky nod, his guts still twisted into knots of worry for his son. "I...uh...thank you," he rasped, his tone ragged. He was startled when the other man patted his shoulder comfortingly.
"He'll be okay," Barron assured him. "We'll help Frank get through this."
"Yeah," Buzz exhaled raggedly.
"Look, maybe you shouldn't tell him I talked to you," Barron murmured, then explained, "I don't want him to think I was tattling on him to his daddy."
Buzz nodded. No, that wouldn't go over well at all. Frank hated it if he felt checked up on or like his judgment was being questioned. "Yeah, you're right...and thanks...Frank doesn't have a lot of friends...and he needs them right now."
"I'll do my best," the other man promised. "The guy could obviously use a little support after what those bitches did to him."
Buzz tensed, eyes flashing. "They aren't bitches," he snapped defensively, then cringed when the other man peered at him with a questioning look, clearly confused to hear Frank's father defending a woman who'd apparently cheated on him. Still feeling the weight of Frank's accusations and his own old betrayals, Buzz felt his stomach twist with guilt as he tried to explain. "It's a mess...and I'm not saying his ex didn't make mistakes...but Natalia...I don't believe she ever wanted to hurt anyone. She just...she was confused...and got in over her head."
Dark brows drew into a frown and the other man's expression became unreadable, driving Buzz to try and make Frank's friend see that it wasn't as simple as some people might think.
"Honestly, I think she wanted to love Frank.... She's Catholic...devout..and loving Olivia...loving any woman..." Buzz shook his head slowly, remembering the aborted wedding and the things he'd seen. Frank had been the only happy one in sight. Natalia had looked like she was on her way to face a firing squad and Olivia had just looked grey and lost. "She helped Liv through some health problems...got to know her and her daughter, Emma...became a family...and I think probably had to face some things she'd spent a lifetime avoiding." He looked up at the other man then, to see if he'd made his point successfuly.
Barron was staring off to the side. "A family, huh?" he exhaled at last.
"Yeah," Buzz confirmed, liking Natalia enough to feel the need to defend her in spite of everything. "She loves Liv's daughter like that little girl was her own."
He got a slow nod in response. "That's good," he said very softly and was silent for a long moment, leaving Buzz with the sense he was pondering things. Suddenly he shook his head sharply and peered at the older man. "I gotta get moving." He handed Buzz a business card that identified him as a police officer. "But please...call me...if there's anything I can do to help...or even if you just hear from him...let me know he's okay." He nodded to indicate the card. "That's my cell. I'll be in town a few more days..." A quick glance toward his watch, then he looked at Buzz again. "I need to head out now...but you can call anytime."
"Thanks again," Buzz murmured, feeling bad because of his initial distrust of the other man.
"Anytime." Another faintly awkward pat on Buzz' shoulder and then Barron was stepping back. "I'll try and call Frank...see if I can offer a friendly shoulder."
"Thanks," Buzz repeated, grateful that at least he wasn't alone in trying to support his son. Lost in his own thoughts, he didn't look up as the other man slipped out, didn't see the surreptitious way he wiped his hand on his hands as if to remove some objectionable stain.
And he certainly didn't hear his softly muttered, "What are ya doing, Frankie? You're supposed to be dancing to my tune, not playing your own goddamned notes." Or see the rage that momentarily flickered in dark eyes.
If he had, he would have been far more worried than he already was.
* * * * * *
TBC
Author: Pink Rabbit Productions
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Part: 31
Date: 28 August, 2010
Rating: Personally, I'd call it an R, but some might consider it NC-17 at some point.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations belong to other folks far wealthier, more important (or at least with better lawyers), and hopefully more charitable and kinder than I. They include, but are not necessarily limited to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, and Telenext. The actual arrangement of words, however, remains my own as do any original characters. Meanwhile, there is likely to be all female romantic and sexual activity ahead, so if this is likely to get you, me, or anybody else arrested should you take a gander, please move along. Also, if you find that sort of thing offensive, you really probably shouldn't hang around anyplace I'm posting. Just sayin'....
Archiving: The Pink Rabbit Consortium
Spoilers: Some early scenes definitely, plus anything through the spa trip is fair game.
Timeline: Unlike some folks, I don't have an exact scene where this one takes off. However, it's definitely set after the spa trip, but before Rafe's release from the halfway house. Oh, and it's after Natalia admits she's in love with Olivia to Father Ray.
Earlier Parts: | Part 1 (Prologue) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26 | Part 27 | Part 28 | Part 29 | Part 30 |
Life and Breath
by Pink Rabbit Productions
Part 31
Still disturbed by the confrontation with Frank, Buzz was far more concentrated on his thoughts than the comings and goings in Company. His wait-staff was competent. They could handle most customers. He had bigger problems.
He'd thought Frank was mostly over the whole Natalia debacle, but it looked like the news about her relationship with Olivia had sent him back into a tailspin. In some ways, Buzz couldn't even blame him. Not many men could handle the news that two exes had hooked up without feeling like they'd taken a solid upper cut to the ego.
"Shit," Buzz muttered under his breath, wondering if they were looking at another few months of heavy drinking, surly behavior, and random hookups. Frank's ego was fragile at the best of times, but losing a woman he wanted to another woman-and Olivia Spencer in particular-wasn't the sort of thing he was ever going to bear well. He had distinct views of how women were supposed to behave, a sort of 50s paradigm that slotted women into neat categories based on their relation to men. He saw them as virgins, wives, potential dates and easy sex, but rarely as individuals with wants and needs of their own. He could just barely readjust his outlook for his sister Harley-she was allowed some measure of individuality-but it was firmly in place for every other woman on the planet, most especially for Natalia Rivera.
Sometimes Buzz thought that Natalia's big appeal-other than her obvious physical beauty, and the ego boosting surge of thinking she wanted him-had been Frank's belief that she fit his mental stereotype of the perfect wife. She cooked, she cleaned, she'd spent seventeen virtuous years waiting for her first love.
He couldn't see that she was more than a gorgeous housekeeper, that she genuinely liked a mental challenge and wasn't some naive little girl in need of a man to take care of her.
And he certainly couldn't see that waiting so long between lovers might have nothing to do with being his idea of a good woman and everything to do with not wanting to break the rules she'd been raised to believe in.
Because that would lead to the conclusion that a relationship with Olivia wasn't so much a choice as a fulfillment of her true self.
That was the sort of thing Frank didn't like. Not that he was precisely a bigot. He wouldn't be rude to someone or deny them service or a job. But he saw such things as a choice and it just wasn't right in his opinion. Had Natalia been unattractive, he likely wouldn't have cared. After all, that would've meant she couldn't get a man in Frank's world. But for a beautiful woman to make a choice to reject him in favor of another woman. No, he wasn't ever going to understand that, and what Frank didn't understand, he didn't like.
And what he didn't like, he seldom accepted.
"Shit," Buzz muttered again as he began stacking clean glasses behind the bar and contemplating possible points of argument should the subject come up again. Contrary to what some people thought, Frank was capable of changing his mind or seeing an alternate viewpoint. The trick was to couch the discussion through the prism of his own outlook. Not always easy.
He was still struggling to formulate a logical argument when someone tugged at his sleeve. "Can I help you?" he questioned as he turned, his tone polite but distant. Normally, he was one for inviting confidences from his customers, but for once his mind was elsewhere.
Tall and blandly good looking, the man at the bar had surprisingly blank eyes given the friendly seeming smile he wore. "The waitress said you own the place," he said, the obvious question threading through his tone. "It's...uh...Cooper, right?"
"Yeah, Buzz Cooper," Buzz confirmed, brow drawing into a hint of a frown.
"But you're Frank's father...detective Cooper, I mean?"
"Yeah," Buzz exhaled, suddenly uneasy with the contrasting friendly smile and blank eyes.
The newcomer seemed to pick up on Buzz's discomfort because he held up a hand, his voice smoothing out a little more. "Sorry, I'd forgotten what small towns can be like," he soothed. "Name's Jim Barron. I'm sort of a friend of Frank's...I mean, not long term or anything, but we've had a few beers together..." He trailed off momentarily, then started again. "I'm a cop in Chicago...in town for my sister's wedding, and Frank was kind enough to help with a case I was checking out while I'm here."
"Okay," Buzz said, still giving nothing away as he waited to see what this man wanted.
Barron looked away momentarily, his gaze distant as though he was trying to decide what lie to tell. And where had that thought come from, Buzz wondered as he watched the other man, his unease only increasing.
"Thing is," Barron began when he finally spoke, not quite meeting Buzz's eyes as he continued, "I just wondered if Frank was around...thought maybe he'd be up for lunch or something."
"He's not here," Buzz said, maintaining the flat, cool tone.
"Ah...okay." A long pause and those blank, dark eyes remained focused elsewhere. "Look," Barron said at last, looking up, his tone low, brows drawn into a frown, "I don't quite know what to say here-"
"How about the truth," Buzz suggested, his sarcasm subtle enough that most people who didn't know him well, wouldn't have picked up on it. Olivia would have known in an instant. He was a little surprised when Barron's head tipped ever so slightly to one side and his eyes narrowed faintly. A hint of knowledge ghosted through dark eyes, then faded away again.
Barron exhaled a small laugh and looked away again. "It's just...I don't wanna butt into something that's none of my business...but..."
"Yes?" Buzz said, his tone rising on a question.
Barron looked up then, a frown creasing his brow. "I know Frank's having a rough time...and I don't wanna make things worse for him...make him feel like I'm tattling to daddy."
Buzz relaxed ever so slightly. Wanting to protect Frank's privacy could well explain the neatly covered emotions. "I know Frank's having some difficulties...dealing with...old issues."
"His ex," Barron filled in, but didn't add any further details.
Buzz relaxed another notch. The other man could only have gotten that from Frank.
Barron paused, visibly debating his next words. "I'm staying at the Beacon Hotel," he explained when he finally spoke. "And when I was headed out this morning, I caught the tail end of some kind of scene...involving Frank. He got some pretty...difficult...news. Rushed out before I could catch up with him." He exhaled a soft sigh and picked a discarded shot glass up off the bar. "I was worried. He's talked a little about how some of this stuff...and I wanted to make sure he's okay."
"You know who his ex is with then?" Buzz questioned, carefully not specifying the answer. He watched Barron carefully, wishing he could catch more than a glimpse of dark eyes in the reflective surface of the shot glass as the other man appeared to study it thoughtfully.
"Another woman," Barron said at last, sounding uncomfortable enough to ease some of Buzz's worries. "Frank told me about it," he explained. "And this morning...I think he walked in on them or something...and a buncha the employees at the hotel weren't real kind about it. Said some pretty shitty stuff about Frank...and he heard it." He finally looked up. "I just wanted to make sure he's okay. It was pretty bad...and after the way he rushed out of there...well...I was...worried." He looked away again and muttered a curse under his breath. "I couldn't live with myself if they pulled the guy outa the river and I coulda done something to help."
A flinch rattled through Buzz as the other man gave voice to one of the fears that haunted him. Swamped by emotion, he couldn't think for a moment. He closed his eyes tightly as he tamped down a welling surge of guilt for his own part in the damage done to his son. It didn't help that Frank had made it clear he still felt the sting of that early abandonment. "I'm sure Frank would never, ever do...that," he insisted, but it was more whistling in the graveyard than real confidence. Frank was such a barely papered over mass of passive/aggressive resentments and insecurities that there were days Buzz was genuinely terrified that something would break deep inside.
"Good," Barron said quickly, though he didn't sound terribly confident in Buzz's opinion. "Cos Frank's a good guy...and I just...I don't wanna see him hurting, y'know?"
Buzz managed a shaky nod, his guts still twisted into knots of worry for his son. "I...uh...thank you," he rasped, his tone ragged. He was startled when the other man patted his shoulder comfortingly.
"He'll be okay," Barron assured him. "We'll help Frank get through this."
"Yeah," Buzz exhaled raggedly.
"Look, maybe you shouldn't tell him I talked to you," Barron murmured, then explained, "I don't want him to think I was tattling on him to his daddy."
Buzz nodded. No, that wouldn't go over well at all. Frank hated it if he felt checked up on or like his judgment was being questioned. "Yeah, you're right...and thanks...Frank doesn't have a lot of friends...and he needs them right now."
"I'll do my best," the other man promised. "The guy could obviously use a little support after what those bitches did to him."
Buzz tensed, eyes flashing. "They aren't bitches," he snapped defensively, then cringed when the other man peered at him with a questioning look, clearly confused to hear Frank's father defending a woman who'd apparently cheated on him. Still feeling the weight of Frank's accusations and his own old betrayals, Buzz felt his stomach twist with guilt as he tried to explain. "It's a mess...and I'm not saying his ex didn't make mistakes...but Natalia...I don't believe she ever wanted to hurt anyone. She just...she was confused...and got in over her head."
Dark brows drew into a frown and the other man's expression became unreadable, driving Buzz to try and make Frank's friend see that it wasn't as simple as some people might think.
"Honestly, I think she wanted to love Frank.... She's Catholic...devout..and loving Olivia...loving any woman..." Buzz shook his head slowly, remembering the aborted wedding and the things he'd seen. Frank had been the only happy one in sight. Natalia had looked like she was on her way to face a firing squad and Olivia had just looked grey and lost. "She helped Liv through some health problems...got to know her and her daughter, Emma...became a family...and I think probably had to face some things she'd spent a lifetime avoiding." He looked up at the other man then, to see if he'd made his point successfuly.
Barron was staring off to the side. "A family, huh?" he exhaled at last.
"Yeah," Buzz confirmed, liking Natalia enough to feel the need to defend her in spite of everything. "She loves Liv's daughter like that little girl was her own."
He got a slow nod in response. "That's good," he said very softly and was silent for a long moment, leaving Buzz with the sense he was pondering things. Suddenly he shook his head sharply and peered at the older man. "I gotta get moving." He handed Buzz a business card that identified him as a police officer. "But please...call me...if there's anything I can do to help...or even if you just hear from him...let me know he's okay." He nodded to indicate the card. "That's my cell. I'll be in town a few more days..." A quick glance toward his watch, then he looked at Buzz again. "I need to head out now...but you can call anytime."
"Thanks again," Buzz murmured, feeling bad because of his initial distrust of the other man.
"Anytime." Another faintly awkward pat on Buzz' shoulder and then Barron was stepping back. "I'll try and call Frank...see if I can offer a friendly shoulder."
"Thanks," Buzz repeated, grateful that at least he wasn't alone in trying to support his son. Lost in his own thoughts, he didn't look up as the other man slipped out, didn't see the surreptitious way he wiped his hand on his hands as if to remove some objectionable stain.
And he certainly didn't hear his softly muttered, "What are ya doing, Frankie? You're supposed to be dancing to my tune, not playing your own goddamned notes." Or see the rage that momentarily flickered in dark eyes.
If he had, he would have been far more worried than he already was.
* * * * * *
TBC