Now That I Am in Madrid and Can Think 9/22 (aka Liverpool Has Two Dads and It's OK Because You Can't Label Love)
Rating: R (swearing and grownup stuff)
Summary: Crystal Palace will eventually get back to the top flight of the PL. The rest is far less likely to ever happen.

( He can and WILL sell you to Tranmere Rovers )

Stevie really did get shitfaced that night after a mild breakdown in front of the TV (or rather trying hard to keep away from the TV). The rest is pretty much crack.

( Carra says to tell you you're a... erm... blert )

Struan Marshall really is Stevie's agent. The rest... well... you know.

( Did I hit on you last night by any chance? )

None of this happened or ever will. It's ALL crack. (I have no idea how transfers actually work and just HOW outlandish this is... just roll with it...)

( Why is there a drunk Manc on my couch? )

The angel wings and Graham really did happen. The rest is pretty much crack.

( One clubber said: )

Xabi really does love crime novels. The rest is pretty much crack.

( I don't want you to be blindsided by some Daily Mail reporter on a slow news day. )

Part 1 | Part 2

Xabi's boyhood midfield hero really was Mauro Silva. The rest is pretty much crack.

( What is it with you and Brazilians anyway? )

Part 2

Alonso Sr. really was at the Monaco game. The rest is pretty much crack.

( Chrissakes, Finnan! Put some pants on! )

Title: Now That I Am in Madrid and Can Think
Summary: It's 2017. Stevie got his manager's license. Xabi got fat.
Rating: There's swearing and erm... grownups being grownups and doing grownup things. So... R?

( QPR till I die! )