Sawajiri Legacy ;; Generation 2.4
Warnings:
Foul Language
Adult Themes
No Blur
+ HEIR POLL!
Past Updates:
1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5
2.1 2.2 2.3
Another week, another roll. What's in store for the Sawajiri's this time?
Oh, fun. A roll of the dice indicates that the unlucky sick person will be... Hiroshi. Poor boy; like he needed more things to be angsty about.
One sunny Autumn day, Hiroshi received a phone call from the Asylum he tried to sneak into. The blood work came back and they had some distressing news for the brooding boy: he has a rare disease that afflicts half black/half Asian teenage boys called... imtoolazytomakeuparealnameitis. OH NO! What ever shall he do?
HIROSHI: So, uh, Mom? You remember when I went to crazy land for a day? Don't panic or anything, but they found out I have some random disease that's going to afflict me throughout my teenage years.
NATSUKI: Now, now... what have I told you about being overdramatic and angsty...
NATSUKI: We are a newly enlightened family, remember? I CAN HEAL YOU WITH THE POWER OF MY HANDS.
JIRO: OH GOD, OH GOD, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! HIS DISEASE IS GOING TO SPREAD AND LIQUEFY OUR ORGANS UNTIL WE BECOME NOTHING BUT PILES OF GOO THAT THE DOG WILL DRINK!
NATSUKI: Sorry kid, Jiro's having a panic attack and since he's the youngest he's the favorite... ITS TO THE CONTAMINATION CONTROL ROOM FOR YOU!
HIROSHI: The what?!
SAKURA: THERE'S AN ENTIRELY STERILE ROOM IN THIS HOUSE AND NO ONE TOLD ME?! I HATE THIS FAMILY!
MALLORY: [You are not locking our son in a room!]
NATSUKI: I KNOW I'M SO BRILLIANT RIGHT.
HIROSHI: OH GOD HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?? WHY MEEEEEEEEE???????
MALLORY: [What is WRONG with you? Look I know you've always been a little off, but this is getting ridiculous! It's like the older you get, the deeper you sink into INSANITY!]
NATSUKI: [I'm getting so sick of you. YOUR VAGINA IS NOT WORTH THIS ABUSE.]
MALLORY: [Abuse? You're calling ME abusive? You locked our son in a ROOM! You got rid of the DOOR!]
NATSUKI: [IT'S FOR HIS OWN GOOD. JUST... UGH, GO AWAY BEFORE I END UP GETTING TWITCHY AND "ACCIDENTLY" THROW YOU OFF A CLIFF OR SOMETHING.]
Naughty, naughty... sneaking out like that...
JIRO: Hey thanks random stranger - I gotta get out of this place, there's too much contagion!
The next morning...
SAKURA: Hi random person I hope is cleanly... would you like to go on a date with me? I need to get away from this madness and besides, my moms are too busy cleaning this place so Jiro can come back to even notice.
RANDOM PERSON: Uh... are you hot?
SAKURA: I look like Christina Hawthorne.
RANDOM PERSON: SOLD. Pick you up in an hour.
PATRICK: HI SO I'M PATRICK. UR LIKE... WICKED HOT. WHOA.
SAKURA: Yeah great thanks. You bathe regularly, yes?
PATRICK: YEAH...
SAKURA: Good, all I needed to know. *pause* Wait a minute, is that my uncle over there? Wtf?
RIKU: Dont mind me, just jamming out over here with a boy wearing makeup.
SAKURA: OMG HE'S CHEATING ON MY AUNT WITH EDWARD CULLEN?!
PATRICK: HEY ASSHOLE, MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT OPENLY CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF YOUR NEICE - NOT COOL - BEHIND CLOSED DOORS IS WHERE ITS AT, BRO. GET WITH IT.
SAKURA: Okay now you're being too obnoxious, turn around and pay attention to me before my vagina explodes with need... or ends up sealing itself shut forever.
SAKURA: You, sir, are going to be my first kiss. Do you accept your fate? Have you brushed your teeth?
PATRICK: HMMM... WANNA FIND OUT??
He brushed his teeth... in case anyone was wondering. I know you all would be up half the night wondering if I didn't tell you.
And then of course Mrs. Crumplebottom has to come along and bitch everyone out.
SAKURA: Ignore that wrinkly cunt - she doesn't matter. You wanna come back to mine? My parents might be a bit pissed that I'm bringing a guy home to fuck that's older than me, but whatever. You smell nice and look like your use Head & Shoulders so IDC.
PATRICK: SEX? I LIKE SEX...
An hour later...
PATRICK: UHHH... AREN'T UR PARENTS GONNA CATCH US IF WE SCREW LIKE RABBITS ON THEIR BED?
SAKURA: Nah, I think my crazy mom is off plotting the death of my other mom; we'll be fine.
What a whore.
Meanwhile...
HIROSHI: MUST WASH AWAY GERMMMSS... NEED. HUMAN. CONTACT.
Not like anybody really cares though, there's too much other stuff going on to bother with their diseased child.
JIRO: LOOK LOOK, I FINALLY GOT AN A+ FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!
NATSUKI: That's great, dear... go buy something for yourself as a yay and leave us be. We're having a... discussion. *glares at Mallory*
As a reward, Jiro got a baby kitten... and named her Squeaky. It was his only friend. Aw.
As a reward for Sakura's slutiness ...
Oh shit. You gotta love risky woohoo, huh?
SAKURA: Oh fuck. Mom's gonna kill me.... BOTH my moms are going to kill me!
Yeah you better give her flowers for that shit, bitch. GAWD.
Finally, Sakura musters up the courage to tell her parents what happened...
SAKURA: Uh... so yeah. I'm... kind of pregnant. I guess. Maybe.
MALLORY & NATSUKI: WHAT?!
SAKURA: I'm so sorry, I didn't think it would happen! I always believed you couldn't get pregnant if you didn't really know the person. But that's rubbish, isn't it? But... but don't worry; he was a clean guy! He bathed regularly and everything!
MALLORY: [I don't give a crap if he was clean - you just kicked us into menopause with that!]
NATSUKI: YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A CHILD! HOW DID YOU BECOME SUCH A WRETCHED SLUT. WHAT THE FUCK DID WE DO. OMG. I WANT TO... I WANT TO.. GOD, I JUST WANT TO KILL SOMETHING!
......
(Honestly, I laughed for like a good five minutes after this happened. Such a huge WTF moment xDD)
NATSUKI: Shit. Okay, everyone saw that wasn't me, right? RIGHT?
-- We interrupt your regular broadcasting to give you a random "Hiroshi is still locked in a room" moment --
HIROSHI: OM NOM NOM...
-- Now back to the story --
JIRO: You killed other mom! The NICE mom!
NATSUKI Um, no. Listen bitch, I don't control the fucking space station. And even if I did, it'd be your sister's fault for being such a vapid whore.
SAKURA: My bastard love child will never know his grandma!
Uh... wtf Patrick?
Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Who gives...? You know what, I'm starting to think this dude might be married already or something, cause only guilty people send shit like THIS. Honestly.
Anyway, back to the land of pregnant whores and crazy people...
JIRO: So when's this thing popping out?
SAKURA: Arggggg... NOW!
And so Sakura welcomes little Iku into the world. I'm not sure who that random woman is in the background, but hey.
HIROSHI: Sigh. I wonder what everyone's been doing...
NEXT TIME...
How will Hiroshi react to all the stuff that's happened once he's let out of the contamination control room?
Sakura, Hiroshi, or Jiro... who will carry the legacy to the next generation? Your choice!
[ Poll closed - results will be announced in the next post!]