An Unbearable Fact 14b/??

[darkwonderland3]

Title: An Unbearable Fact
Chapters: 14b/??
Author:
darkwonderland3
Genre: AU/Romance/ Psychological/Angst
Warnings: Language, sexual scenes, mental diseases, violence, character death, suicide attempts, rape.
Rating: NC17
Pairings/Characters: Uruha/Aoi, Reita/Kai
Synopsis: When you lose the only person who loves you from the deepest of her heart, can you go on living? Do you manage to smile again? Can you fight against those demons who break you?
Posted on AO3: here

Previous chapters: Prologue, 1/??, 2/??, 3/??, 4/??, 5/??, 6/??, 7/??, 8/??, 9/??, 10a/??, 10b/??, 11/??, 12/??, 13/??, 14a/??


Day went by in the blink of an eye and Akira already had to leave for work. He had spent his morning tidying the apartment trying to not make to much noise as to not wake Yuu, had cooked for them both even without knowing if the young man was going to eat once he'd wake up, and had played with the kitten before being interrupted by the ringtone of his phone, the screen showing Yutaka was calling. The teenager had enjoyed a break in the middle of the afternoon to call his boyfriend before attending the last classes of the day. They'd talked for an hour about this and that even though Yutaka had been the one to talk the most, asking Akira if the cat had messed up his sleeping schedule again and if they could see each other on Wednesday since one of his teachers had fallen sick during the weekend and wouldn't be back before next week. This had been a good excuse in his opinion, he would have a free afternoon and would be able to see his boyfriend more. At this question, Akira got silent and Yutaka knew it wouldn't be for this time. He told him he was currently helping a friend in need and that he couldn't let him alone a whole afternoon. Akira didn't know if he already could tell that Yuu was with him, he didn't know if Yuu wanted his friends to know where he was and how he was feeling so Akira had decided that for now it would be a secret between them. Of course Yutaka had been disappointed, but he wasn't angry. He could still call him or text him if he wished.

Once they ended the call, Akira took the time to nap for an hour before he had to leave for work. When he woke up for the second time today, he silently went to his bedroom to check on Yuu and was surprised to see him still sleeping. Akira didn’t know he hadn’t slept at all the last night, he hadn’t asked him since how long he’d been awake this morning.

Akira sat on the edge of the bed before caressing Yuu’s long hair. He was sleeping so peacefully, with no sign of distress or fear on his face that it was breaking his heart to wake the young man up. However, Akira had to. He couldn't leave for work without telling him, Yuu would be alone and probably get scared seeing he was alone once he’d wake up.

“Wake up sleepyhead,” Akira started before slightly shaking his shoulder. “It’s time to wake up.”

“Five more minutes...”

“Yuu, wake up.”

“Five more minutes Dad. I’ll get up… I promise...”

The situation had a lingering sense of déjà vu. Akira remembered hearing the same words two years ago when he had woken him up the day he had to do his own check up, he remembered the fear in Yuu’s eyes when he’d told him he was in the hospital and not with his father, he remembered him looking at Kouyou who was at the other side of the room with incomprehension in his eyes. Akira was seeing the same boy from two years ago, and he didn’t know how to handle this.

“Yuu, you’re not with your father anymore,” Akira told him once Yuu finally opened his eyes as he realised what he’d just said to the blond man. It was the same situation again, Yuu was looking through the room hoping he would see him, but laid his eyes back on Akira when he understood that Kouyou couldn't be there with him. He had unconsciously done the same gesture than back there, and Akira knew that deep down, even if two years had passed, Yuu hadn’t forgotten him. “You have nothing to fear here, remember?”

“I’m sorry...”

“It’s nothing,” Akira told him with a smile, avoiding asking him why he mentioned his father, and gave him some time to be fully awaken, and some space. He could see that Yuu wasn't comfortable with him being that close to him, as in the hospital where the few times he had been able to be close to the teenager had been rare occasions. "You've been sleeping for a long time and I need to leave for work soon."

“Am I.. bothering you?”

“Not at all! I only wanted to let you know, I'll be back late in the night so please, don't wait for me and rest." Akira reassured him before going to his desk and took a piece of paper on which he started to write. "I let you my phone number, if you need something or just want to talk, don't hesitate and call me."

“I will, don’t worry about me," Yuu was a good liar when it came to his own self. He would be a good boy and patiently wait for Akira to come back home, he wouldn't bother him by calling him every now and then or each time he needed to be reassured. He would be a good boy and stay on this bed, doing nothing else than waiting. Yuu was used to doing all of these things anyway, he was used to staying silent for hours with a crippling fear as his only company and waiting on his bed for his father to come back home. It wasn't the same situation, but it had some similarities.

“Ok so… I guess I’m going now, make yourself at home all right?”

Akira then left the apartment not without a sense of worry for his younger friend he had to leave alone. He would have stayed with him if he could and he really hoped Yuu would be all right alone. What Akira didn’t know was that Yuu was more afraid of being alone than waiting for what was coming once Akira would be back home. Yuu knew he wouldn’t harm him, Akira wasn’t like his father, he knew he had nothing to fear with him, but some things weren’t that easy to change. Some things were branded in his mind, some things he would never forget even with time.

Yuu waited to hear the noises of the keys in the lock before leaving the bedroom as best as he could. Akira had told him to walk as less as possible in order to not hurt his feet more, but he needed to walk. He was now, more or less, completely free to move so Yuu decided to have a look at the apartment.

It had been too dark earlier this morning to distinguish anything, but now that the lights were on, he could spot some things more easily. The living-room was quite spacious; a large TV screen was in front of the couch on which Akira had spent the night, shelves were on each side of the screen and it surprised Yuu to see glasses of various shapes and use, and next to the TV the landline phone was laid. A dining table was between the couch and a huge brown cat scratcher. Yuu saw a few opened envelopes on the table, but he held himself back from being curious, they weren’t his and Akira surely wouldn’t be pleased with him reading his post even if they were only bills. The kitchen was on his left with everything you needed in it. Yuu didn’t dwell on any longer and walked with some difficulties to the entry then at the end of the small corridor. The room behind the last door was the bathroom, painted in light blue and white. Yuu went to the sink and let warm water flow on his hands. It had been a long time since Yuu had felt warm water on his skin, he had only known the coldness. The coldness of his room, the coldness of the showers he had to take late in the night, the coldness of his father’s hands.

Yuu saw the mirror in front of him, Yuu saw the results of his father’s ‘love’ as it was the first time in weeks he was able to see his face. His left eye was swollen, a deep cut on his lips was still healing as well as the one on the bridge of his nose, the most recent bruises were still black whereas the ones on his cheekbones and throat had a purple shade. Yuu could only see his face and throat right now, but he could easily imagine that it had to be the same result on the rest of his body as he had never taken the time to look at it when he was locked in that room. Yuu was looking at his own reflection with blank eyes as he was remembering his father's words each time he would beat him black and blue, telling him he loved him so much, telling him he had to obey, telling him it was breaking his heart to hurt his own boy like that but that it also was his only way to show him how dear Yuu was to his father, telling him how beautiful he was with all these bruises, telling him he would never leave that house, telling him no one would come for him as they all had forgotten him and didn’t want to put up with someone like him. He had told him that even his own mother couldn't bare the sight of her son and that was why she had killed herself, but Yuu knew it was just a lie. Yuu knew his mother had loved him deeply, he knew she would have never killed herself because Yuu was everything she had. Yuu knew the truth, but no one would believe him.

A loud ‘bang’ made him jump after a while and soon Yuu could hear shouts coming from the other side of the apartment, in the corridor of the floor. The words that were being said reminded Yuu too many memories of his childhood when his parents were having fights. It was the same words, it was the same pain he was feeling inside, it was the same fear Yuu was feeling when he went back in Akira’s bedroom, and under the covers, Yuu was the same little boy from twelve years ago when everything had started. The same tears of fear were running down his cheeks till the voices in the corridor and in his head were gone. It was hurting Yuu to remember his past, he had wished he could forget the fights between his parents with time, but the pain was too big to bear.

He was still crying when he felt something jump on the bed behind his back, then tickle his neck. Yuu hadn’t noticed the kitten sleeping on a scarf laid on the desk when he came back into the bedroom and the kitten, being curious about what was this new human he’d never seen before this morning doing on his masters’ bed, had jumped from the desk. Nezumi climbed over Yuu without using its claws and purred once it saw Yuu had his eyes opened before lying beside the young man. The sound it was making had an immediate effect on Yuu who was slowly calming down while petting Nezumi’s white and grey fur.

Yuu would have given everything in his childhood to have a cat. His mother was fond of these little things and he knew she would have been so pleased to have one. At that time, the day till her birthday could be counted on one hand and Yuu still didn’t have a present for her. The idea of a cat came to his mind during an afternoon in the middle of Spring when his mother was looking at old pictures of her own youth. He had learnt that afternoon that she grew up with a cat when she was around her son’s age, but that cat died a few years later, hit by a car. Of course she had used other words in order to not shock her little boy. Later in the evening, Yuu had asked his father if they could surprise her and go to the pet shop the next day to see if they had kitten for sale. “For mama,” he’d said with sparkles in his eyes. Yuu hadn’t been expecting the violence in his father's words, the only thing he’d wished for was to pleased his mother. Not see her cry on her birthday.

Nezumi was still purring when Yuu closed his eyes and tried to think about something else, something happier. Without thinking his mind showed him pictures of his former roommates as if thinking about them, and especially one of them, was going to make him feel better. It wasn’t. What Yuu was feeling was worse; shame, fear and pain. He would never be able to face them and be the teenager they all used to know in the hospital. He was still so different today, he’d changed a lot in two years and not only physically. His mind was broken, his own identity had been shattered to pieces, he was someone else, a puppet, but a puppet freed from its strings even though he could still feel the burning pain they had left around his limbs. Yuu was far away from his father's hands, but for how long? Yuu wasn’t in a fairytale, he knew no knight in shining armour would come save him on his white horse. This was real life, it wasn’t that simple.

* * *

Akira was more than happy to leave the nightclub. Once again he’d had to handle drunk people, once again he’d had to play along with drunk women hitting on him, once again he’d had to call a cab for many of them and once again he’d had to witness security guards kick out perverts and people fighting. Akira loved his job, the salary was really good and he needed money for his future plans with Yutaka, but sometimes on nights like this one, he was wondering why he was doing this. Seeing people in such a state every night, drunk and for most of them not even able to stand, wasn’t to his liking. It was the atmosphere between the other people working here, his boss and himself that was making him stay.

His boss was a middle-aged woman who had gladly given him a chance. The day he came into the nightclub with hope to get a job, he had told her his few experiences in the field while she was looking through his resume, asking him questions he gladly answered to. Akira had been so nervous that when she told him once she was over with her questions that she would call him back, he knew he wouldn’t get the post. Three days, five days, a week and a half had passed when he got a call in the early afternoon as he was spending the day with his mother. The woman couldn't remember when had been the last time she’d seen her son with so much happiness in his eyes. Once he’d ended the call, Akira left his mother's house telling her he was starting this new job in a few hours, and took his time to let Yutaka know he’d found a job. They’d talked for half an hour, Yutaka telling him how much he was happy for his boyfriend, before Akira had to leave.

He’s spent the first few hours watching Akiko, a barmaid around her thirties, serving drinks after drinks, listening to her advices and around midnight she let him do the job as she was still keeping an eye on him and helping him when he had to deal with his first drunk clients. His first night of work went smoothly and when he went back home early in the morning, Akira was dead-tired, but happy. He had a job, he had an amazing boyfriend, he was far from the hospital and his past self and in his mind, Akira was finally a normal person.

When Akira opened the front door, he was surprised to see the lights were still on despite the late hour, and nor Yuu nor the kitten were nowhere to be seen in the living-room. Maybe the raven-haired was sleeping, maybe he had forgotten to switch off the lights, Akira couldn't tell and he didn’t mind the lights. It could happen.

After putting his keys on the table, Akira went to his bedroom and opened the door slowly in case Yuu was sleeping. Except that the bed was empty, there was only the kitten on it. Akira felt panic grow once he walked further in the bedroom, Yuu wasn’t there. What if he really tried to leave? What if he was far away now? What would he do outside in the cold? Where would he go? He ran away from home and from an abusive father, it was clear as day, and Akira wondered what had happened during the last hours for Yuu to want to leave. What should he do now? Where should he start looking for him? He had to find him, he couldn't leave him alone on his own and certainly not in his current state.

Akira turned over, ready to leave his bedroom when he saw him thanks to the light coming from the living-room. There, hidden under the desk, Yuu was hiding covered by a thick blanket which had been laid near the bed. His eyes were wide open, his hands on his ears were preventing him from hearing any noise, and despite being covered Akira could see his thin legs shaking. Sighing in relief, the man slowly crouched down and waited for the raven-haired to look at him. He was terrified and that brought more questions in Akira’s mind who wondered if he shouldn't have stayed with him and call his boss telling her that something unexpected happened and that he couldn't make it for tonight. The blond man had be certain Yuu would have called him if anything went wrong or if he needed something and as he’d gotten no calls from him during his whole shift, Akira thought everything was all right for the raven-haired.

“What are you doing under there?” He asked him once Yuu seemed to have calmed down and put the blanket away from his upper body.

“Hiding,” Yuu answered after some seconds of silence, averting to look into Akira’s eyes because he was way too ashamed of the man finding him under the desk and he was sure just looking at his face and especially his bruises was disgusting the other man. “Someone knocked on the door a few hours ago and I got scared. I thought… I thought...”

“You thought? Tell me,” Akira said with a reassuring smile.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It has to since it scared you and you’ve been under that desk since then. You can tell me, I’m your friend and I will never judge you Yuu.”

“It doesn’t matter...”

Akira didn’t insist on making him talk about what had scared him earlier, and rather asked him if he’d eaten and what he’d done while he was at work. Yuu lied when he told him he hadn’t been that hungry and had only eaten an apple and a yoghurt before playing with the cat, but Akira wasn’t fooled. He had clearly heard his stomach grumbling just a few seconds ago, and on top of that Akira didn’t have any dairy products in his fridge since he was lactose intolerant so when Yuu put his arm across his stomach as a louder grumble could be heard, Akira softly laughed then stood up and went to the kitchen to cook something for the both of them because yes, he was hungry too. Yuu was still sitting under the desk when he came back after nearly twenty minutes with two hot plates in his hands, and sat in front of him once again. Akira joked about it, telling him he could come out of his hiding place and eat with him, but the only reaction he got from the raven-haired were words he didn’t understand their meaning. It’s not time, I can’t. Akira didn’t understand what he wanted to say behind these words, the young man was hungry so he had every rights to eat no matter how late it was now and especially when Akira didn’t know when was the last time he ate something hot, and by seeing his body so thin he doubted his last meal was within the last days. He tried to make him eat, but the more he was trying, the more Yuu started to get defensive and the blond knew it was no use to force him to eat. They both had to go through this except that Yuu was far from being healthy again.

None of them talked after Akira’s fourth attempt to make him eat, so the blond ate in silence keeping an eye on the young man who had slowly started to go out from under the desk, calling himself names and looking at his own plate with envy. He couldn’t eat and couldn’t explain to Akira why, he wouldn’t understand, Yuu was sure of that and after another question from Akira asking him if he was sure he didn’t want to eat, he watched him leave the bedroom with the plates and come back soon after with bandages and disinfectant. The raven-haired let him treat his wounds once again, let him put him to bed without struggling in his arms, and when Akira sat on the edge of the mattress once he was sure Yuu was warm enough under the covers, the young man asked him shyly if he could let the door open and the bedside lamp on, and appreciated the fact that he didn’t ask him any question, but instead told him he would stay on that bed until Yuu falls asleep.

Except that Akira never went back on the couch that night.

* * *

The night after, when Akira came back from the nightclub, he’d been welcomed by screams and sobs. In his bedroom, he could hear Yuu screaming, calling for help, and coughing. Akira didn’t wait any longer to go in his bedroom and switched on the light before walking toward the raven-haired who was writhing in pain under the covers, sweat and tears glistening on his face and neck.

“Wake up Yuu, wake up,” Akira called him, gently shaking him by his shoulders. “Wake up, you’re having a nightmare.”

“Stop it,” Yuu begged still asleep. “Not tonight… Leave me alone!”

“Yuu listen to me, open your eyes,” The blond was trying his best to wake him up, and the more he was listening to what he was saying, the more he was feeling a nasty chill running down his spine. This wasn’t a nightmare, it was his memories. “Open them...”

“Someone help me… Please… Help me… Kouyou!!”

Akira took the young man in his arms as he was still screaming Kouyou’s name and it was then that he noticed he was burning with fever. He was rocking him in his arms as Yuu was holding his pullover tightly between his fingers and was crying in a heartbreaking way in Akira’s neck, still screaming, still pleading, still calling for Kouyou hoping he would come if he’d scream his name loud enough. Akira was whispering soothing words in his ears, stroking his back drenched in sweat as well as his long hair, telling him it only was a nightmare and that no one would hurt him here, that he was safe with him. It took Akira long minutes of patience until Yuu stopped to scream.

“He’s going to find me… He’s going to hurt me again,” Yuu babbled incoherently with a hoarse voice in Akira’s neck. “He hurt me really badly...”

“No one’s going to hurt you, it was just a nightmare. It’s over now, you have nothing to fear.” He told him then put a kiss on his burning forehead before carrying him to the bathroom where he removed the young man’s clothes only leaving him in his underwear and then made him sit in the shower cubicle. On his knees beside the raven-haired, Akira waited a little more before taking the shower head in his hands and make the water run, making Yuu jump when he felt the cold water touch his feet. “You have a fever, it will help lower it,” Akira waited for a reaction, a nod or even a few words, before letting water touch his skin.

“It’s cold, stop it!” Yuu tried to leave the shower cubicle, but he was too weakened by his fever. “It’s too cold… Please...”

“It’s for your own good Yuu, I promise it won’t be long.”

“Where is Kouyou? Where is he?” He asked him out of nowhere, looking into his eyes as tears have started to fall on his cheeks once again. “He had promised...”

“What did he promise?”

“He promised my dad would never touch me again,” A coughing fit made him stop in his explanation as he was watching Akira playing with the tube. Yuu didn’t even know why he was telling him this, he didn’t know why he was asking so freely about Kouyou. He would have never done it in other circumstances, that was all because he was having a fever and he couldn’t stop himself from telling him what he had on his mind. “But he did. He brought me back home, he touched me every day and no matter how often I begged him, he would never listen to me… Kouyou broke his promise!”

“Yuu, you know it’s not Kouyou’s fault. No one was expecting that your father would take you out from the hospital,” Akira told him with a calm voice, letting the water flow on his back now. “You know he would have done everything possible to keep you with him.”

“He broke his promise… I hate him Akira… I hate him so much!”

Akira didn’t know what to say more to a heartbroken Yuu. The raven-haired was convinced Kouyou had forgotten him, he was keeping saying these words as well as how much he hated him between two sobs. Deep down, Akira knew Yuu didn’t mean his words, it only was the fever that was making him say this, but maybe it had a part of truth. Maybe Yuu hated him for having made this promise he couldn’t have kept, maybe Yuu hated him for not having tried enough, maybe Yuu hated him with all his heart but Akira knew the young man loved him nonetheless.

The blond man took his time drying and clothing Yuu once he’d stopped the water, erasing the tears that was falling on his cheeks and holding him tightly in his arms, whispering soothing words into his ears once again. He had to do it, Kouyou wasn’t here to reassure the boy, he wasn’t here to hold him in his arms and never let him go, he wasn’t here to tell him the words Yuu needed to hear from his own mouth. Kouyou wasn’t here to take care of Yuu.

When Akira left the bedroom once Yuu was sleeping soundly after he’d drunk a medicine for his fever, he thought maybe it was time to call his friend. Maybe it was time for him to know Yuu was with him, it was time for him to know Yuu needed him so that’s why he dialled Kouyou’s number with shaking hands. How was he going to tell him? And most of all, would Kouyou believe him? He was asking himself dozen of questions over and over again, waiting for his friend to pick up his phone.

“You’ve reached Takashima Kouyou’s voice mail. Leave a message and I’ll call you back as soon as possible."

~~~~~~
A/N: Once again I had to cut this chapter in two because it was too big for LJ... I hate this ;;

I'm really sorry for the loooong time it took me to update this fic! But I have good news: I already started to write the next! I hope you're ready because I'm looking forward to sharing the next parts with you <3

Thanks for reading and see you next time!

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