I'm tired of being depressed. while Ive been out in WA, I havent been sad really that much and it feels good. I am scared about coming home and shit.. Im a complete mess when I am home. i just wanna start my life over and get it right this time .

I am sorry that I ruined your life. I am sorry to disappoint you by starting out with mine. I am sorry that I have not let your near.... I am sorry that I didnt want you to hear. I cant apologize enough to you. ... I am sorry for everything that i have put you through. You gave me life.. yet I feel like I have taken away... Im sorry for every day ( Read more... )

Why is it when someone close to me passes I feel so guilty for being alive? Is it that I feel like it should have been me?>> Most of the time I do. I feel like Im on borrowed time and god is just playing some fucked up game on me that makes me hurt even more inside and really makes me wish I was dead.. Or is it a lesson that I just havent got yet ( Read more... )

My friend Sean( my man's best friend and neighbor from childhood) was killed on 481 this past saturday. This was a guy that I had grown to love as almost like a brother figure to me. He inspired me to become happy and he always had an aura about him that could brighten up anyone's day just by flashing his smile and batting his eye lashes on his big ( Read more... )

I realized tonight that I will never be able to be optimistic about life, humanity, or anything else that I was born with the gift of... I have realized that no matter how much I try I can never make anyone happy,, I feel so unpretty that I wish that I could shoot myself for all my sins in and out. I realized that Im a fuck up and I will never ( Read more... )

I wish that I could stop from feeling ugly, fat and stupid everytime I am near him. I wish that everytime I got sad I didnt want to kill myself. I wish that he actually cared about me sometime instead of just himself. I wish that I could walk away but you know me, I stay longer to punish myself ( Read more... )

I wish that for one instance I could grow balls for my self and that when I want to say what I feel I need to that it comes out.. and that I dont back down or say "Im sorry" Fighting with him makes me crazy. Lately shit has been on a up and down rollercoaster and some how I cant get off this ride. I want to be back in someone elses arms but that ( Read more... )

I dont understand why I am this way. Sometimes I wish that I lived a different life- in someone elses body that would be better than mine, that I didnt live with fear in my heart and that I could grow the strength to never be hurt again. But through out this investigation of my life- the manifestation of hate grows deeper in my heart and later ( Read more... )

How selfish does it seem that I always need you by my side. You make me feel strong and sometimes you put the power in me to move on.I need you here night and day, even though it doesnt seem that way some days. I love you more than I even love life its self. I only want you to be happy, I cant stand to see you cry, even if it is sometimes tears of ( Read more... )

I just finished writing my will for my wills, trust, and probate class. Never have I realized that I have nothing and never have I realized before about who truely matters to me other than when I broke my neck and it was easy to see by who stuck by my side when I needed them to and who didnt.. and that would be my family mostly, and then my closest ( Read more... )