Fandom High Radio, Wednesday, April 2nd
Arthur: Good evening, Fandom. I don't speak for the authorities of your island, but I must warn you that there are reports of horrid creatures shambling about tonight. Please don't venture outside without an escort, it's very dangerous. I'm sure the local knights will handle it with skill.
*noise of door opening*
Jeff: ZOMBIES! There's actual zombies out there!
Arthur: ...And who in the name of God are you?
Jeff: I'm Jeff!
Arthur: Well, that clearly explains it. Why not. Merlin. Make yourself useful.
Merlin: You want me to read these things again?
Arthur: We've more important things to warn people about than classes, yes, so get through them.
SCHOOL
Merlin: Getting to is then. Leadership class talked about war and why some countries liked it better than peace. They also talked about why one ought to go to war.
Heroing talked about working in--*clears throat*--working in teams. Especially as hero and sidekick. Then they discussed why the teams they picked would work well together.
Anthropomorphic Anatomy talked about... what is Dee En Ay?
Sam was in the library and got a visit from his brother who tried to trick him into thinking he was moving in with Chuck. ...I suppose it's good that it's only a joke. Peter also stopped by for a visit. Flight Club met today. There, John and Jaina made plans to meet later at the boardwalk, and he was pleased to see Ben in order to tell him about--well that's hardly a nice thing to do.
Hoshi and Robin caught up and there was also a flight simulator. Sir Skywalker was there as well and no longer a cat.
DORMS
Jeff: It's always a cause for celebrating when someone bounces back from an animal transformation. Although I've never been an animal. Most of the time I turn into a rock.
Arthur: Thank you, Jeff, very illuminating. While you're here, can you please make yourself useful?
Jeff: I haven't read notes in a while, they used to make me break out in this sort of-
Arthur: Read.
Jeff: Yes sir.
Merlin: *damn near audible eyeroll* Now that you've found yourself someone to do your notes for you, I'll be keeping watch.
Arthur: Try not to fall asleep this time. It's dangerous out there.
Jeff: There's cheerleaders at the gym! They should be careful. If we've got teen zombies, then it's likely they'll show up to eat some of the cheerleaders. Most of them, if none of them have been profiled very well before the first ad break.
Arthur: ... Of course.
Jeff: So they should be looking out if they're busy stretching and doing business and coaching a lot.
Arthur: I'd say everyone should be watching out for themselves, whether they be leaders of cheer or not. Those of you who know how to use a weapon, make sure you go armed.
Jeff: Peter taught me about swords once.
Arthur: Did he.
Jeff: I can sort of lift one!
Arthur: That's... very... good of you.
Jeff: Thanks. Sokka's watching zombie movies on the fifth floor! And I missed it. You should phone me next time, Sokka, I've got loads of zombie movies. Have you ever seen Babes of the Rotting Flesh 4? It's a classic!
Arthur: Do you always digress this much?
Jeff: ... yes.
Arthur: Stop it. We don't have the time.
Jeff: Yes sir. Turtle talks to Sokka about the zombies and about how they're not as bad as my mum. My mother could never be a zombie, she's too prone to sharp objects-
Arthur: Jeff.
Jeff: ... Are you one of the ones who's killed people? It's an academic question!
Arthur: Yes.
Jeff: Oh. Marco won't eat the popcorn 'cause Momo was in it. I think that was probably for the best. Turtle catches up with him about things. Have you ever killed anyone... locally?
Arthur: ... What?
Jeff: I mean, on the island. Have you ever killed anyone... on the island? Not in the radio station. It seems like there wouldn't be a lot of room--
Arthur: Of course I'm not going to kill anyone on this island. Take these notes.
Jeff: You were running drills of not killing people in your room!
Arthur: Lord Leto's wandered off. *pause* Leto, if you hear this, retreat to the indoors.
Jeff: Meg braves the indoors to say goodbye! Goodbye, Meg. Hurley wonders if she's going on vacation, but actually she's just leaving. ...Bye, Meg. Peyton asks about her mother and finds out about the leaving again. It's funny how people on this island are always leaving.
Arthur: Hardly. Will you stop... 'editorializing'? This isn't the time.
Jeff: You know, you sound very Middle Ages when you say that. Hurley talks to Angela about Meg's leaving, and then Reno makes some prank phone calls-
Arthur: Reno? We may have to speak about helping deal with these zombies as soon as possible. If you're willing.
Jeff: Adah prank phone calls Lee as well. It's April Fools, isn't it? Evil. I never know what to do with April Fools--
Arthur: No doubt. You're already fool enough without April coming knocking.
Jeff: ... Angela is shaken up because she found out Hurley turned into a zombie. Hurley! We've lost another one. These aren't fast zombies, though, there's lots of people still human so we've got time to fight off the mutated plague-
Arthur: Tell me, do you even understand half the words that come out of your mouth? Francine isn't to be found in her room, as Dinah, Katchoo, Alice and my manservant discover. Again, Francine, if you hear this message, please return to a safe space as soon as you can.
TOWNIES
Arthur: Johnny--
Jeff: Call him the Harlot!
Arthur: Johnny is hurling fireballs at Luke's Diner. Of course he is. Romeo and Rikku met for lunch to discuss matters of courting. Toby wore bright colours at Pixie Dust, no doubt to ensure we wouldn't miss him if he gets lost, and Claudia informs him of no longer being a peacock. Naomi opened Stark's, where Jack came bearing burgers. Sarah was at work at the Android's Dungeon when a zombie attacked her. Luckily, she managed to destroy it before it did any damage. *exhales almost audibly*
Jeff: She probably went for the brain.
Arthur: What?
Jeff: It's a zombie. You kill zombies by chopping off their heads or stabbing them in the brain. Everybody knows that!
Arthur: I... didn't know that. Thank you.
Jeff: Just about anything'll do to smack them in the brain with. I saw this one movie where they killed one by throwing a CD at their head. *pause* Although come to think of it, it wasn't that succesful 'cos the zombie kept walking-
Arthur: Fandom, you've heard it: if you find yourself attacked by a zombie, strike the head, it'll give you the best chances. If... Jeff... is right.
Jeff: I don't know much about anything, but I do know zombie movies!
Arthur: Claire has a dollhouse on display at Things Reborn, and while it's mocked by Merlin's roommate, it does draw in Mary. You were at the Arms Hotel, where both Turtle and Tully warned you of the zombies.
Jeff: Don't worry. It's just one of those weeks.
Arthur: I don't worry. But you'll stay indoors. You're too hapless to live.
Jeff: I know. Max was arguing about kumquats at the Freelance Police Headquarters. Kumquats are sort of oddly shaped. ... Kumquats. Er. Yes. And then a zombie attacked, and he fought him off, but got a bit of bone embedded in his arm which sounds a bit painful.
Arthur: Make sure you see a physician, Max.
Jeff: Oh, no point in that. It's the rules of the zombie movie. He's infected now, we'll have to kill him with piano wire.
Arthur: Right. Amber, Katchoo, Liir and Alice took their usual stations at work, which stayed uninterrupted. Tully, however, had to deal with a zombie attack at the lighthouse. He managed to escape unscathed, as evidenced by the fact he was at the Arms Hotel to spook Jeff later. Don't do that, Jeff, you're embarrassing yourself.
Jeff: I think I can feel my allergies coming back in.
Arthur: Terrific. Jaina took a walk on the boardwalk with her sword at her side. As it turned out, it was a good instinct on her part. John has been turned into one of these zombies and attacked her. I'm... very sorry, Jaina. I hope you've gotten to safety. Tony worked in his basement until the arrival of Tyler, who has also been turned. He was saved in time by sir Steve's brave intervention.
Jeff: Nice work, mister Rogers! Did you go for the head as well?
Arthur: I'm sure he did, or neither of them would still be standing, if you're to be believed. Caritas sees its own zombies in something of a frenzied state. With any luck they'll keep to dropping limbs as usual rather than attacking anyone. Sean, who'd been turned, came for drinks. Lady Penelope saw it as a prank. Be careful. Sir Daisy arrived on the premises to aide her; she attempted to question Sean. ... Far be it from me to question your methods, sir Daisy, but that's ridiculous.
Jeff: Detective Constable Day! It's brains they want.
Arthur: Yes, thank you, Jeff.
Jeff: You know, you sort of remind me of my friend Steve.
Arthur: Right.
Jeff: Especially when you do that.
Arthur: ... Nevermind. The clinic had its physician on staff, and she was sorely needed this time. Dinah brought Priestly, who'd been injured in an earlier fight. The physician managed to help him sufficiently to be able to send him back home when Tony arrived. Good.
Jeff: There's a Stitch 'n Bitch in town! I should go there, it sounds really exciting. Although a lot of women with pointy objects so maybe it's not such a good idea after all. What if they get upset?
Arthur: I doubt upset women are the worst of your worries right now, Jeff.
Jeff: You don't know upset women. They get to slap you. They all mingled and Charlotte was happy 'cos it wasn't stressful. No knitting zombies? I saw a film like that once. They wound up stabbed in the head with really large knitting needles! Agnes needed to use the bathroom 'cos there were zombies, and Harper let her know she didn't want goo on her clothes. It depends on whether they explode upon impact or not. Mina tells Eliza she has a bad feeling about all of this. That's probably because of all the zombies. Like Agnes said!
Arthur: That might be bound to give anyone a bad feeling or two. We'll handle it.
Jeff: You really like killing things, don't you?
Arthur: It has its moments.
Jeff: Okay. Mister Deadpool hasn't stabbed himself yet! And Agnes and Harper sew to calm down. At least that way you'll have some sharp pointy objects. Zombies arrive at the sewing circle. I don't think I've ever seen a film like that before, but someone should make one. Mister Deadpool tries to banter with one, which seems a bit difficult 'cos of all the braaains and everything. Then Agnes and Eliza try to talk to them, but they fail 'cos the zombies aren't upstanding members of society anymore. Unless you watch Brains of Blue Blood 6. It's in HD!
Arthur: ...I'll take the notes from here. For those of you at home, we've a list of those attacked by zombies who may not have made it. Captain Jack, our employer, was bitten just outside this station. John was taken by a zombie at the North Gate. Sean attempted to take one down with a spell, but failed. He too was turned. Tyler was taken by one on his way to see Tony. Sir Minsc fought bravely, but he too was bitten. Jack barely made it out before one got to him as well. Finally, Francine... was on her way to buy goods to celebrate the day when a zombie stumbled across her and bit her.
*exhale* Fandom, do not venture outside tonight. Arm yourselves. We'll get a handle on the situation soon, there's no point in risking your life before we get organised.
*knocking*
Ray: Hey! You two! Clear out!
*door opens*
Arthur: And who are you?
Ray: Ray Kowalski, Fandom PD. There's zombies out there, you kids should be locked up in the dorms snug'n safe.
Arthur: Sir Ray. We'll be returning to the dorms shortly, but Jeff here is in need of an escort.
Ray: ...Heh. Sir Ray. *snerk* Cute. Um. Sure. Escort for Jeff. You wanna help me escort him, ...?
Arthur: Prince Arthur of Camelot.
Ray: Yeah. Crazy island. Wanna help me 'escort' him, your Highness?
Arthur: Of course. But first I must see to my manservant, before he gets his head bitten off.
Ray: Yeah, you snag him, too. *pause* Is this thing still running? I've got--
*click*
*noise of door opening*
Jeff: ZOMBIES! There's actual zombies out there!
Arthur: ...And who in the name of God are you?
Jeff: I'm Jeff!
Arthur: Well, that clearly explains it. Why not. Merlin. Make yourself useful.
Merlin: You want me to read these things again?
Arthur: We've more important things to warn people about than classes, yes, so get through them.
SCHOOL
Merlin: Getting to is then. Leadership class talked about war and why some countries liked it better than peace. They also talked about why one ought to go to war.
Heroing talked about working in--*clears throat*--working in teams. Especially as hero and sidekick. Then they discussed why the teams they picked would work well together.
Anthropomorphic Anatomy talked about... what is Dee En Ay?
Sam was in the library and got a visit from his brother who tried to trick him into thinking he was moving in with Chuck. ...I suppose it's good that it's only a joke. Peter also stopped by for a visit. Flight Club met today. There, John and Jaina made plans to meet later at the boardwalk, and he was pleased to see Ben in order to tell him about--well that's hardly a nice thing to do.
Hoshi and Robin caught up and there was also a flight simulator. Sir Skywalker was there as well and no longer a cat.
DORMS
Jeff: It's always a cause for celebrating when someone bounces back from an animal transformation. Although I've never been an animal. Most of the time I turn into a rock.
Arthur: Thank you, Jeff, very illuminating. While you're here, can you please make yourself useful?
Jeff: I haven't read notes in a while, they used to make me break out in this sort of-
Arthur: Read.
Jeff: Yes sir.
Merlin: *damn near audible eyeroll* Now that you've found yourself someone to do your notes for you, I'll be keeping watch.
Arthur: Try not to fall asleep this time. It's dangerous out there.
Jeff: There's cheerleaders at the gym! They should be careful. If we've got teen zombies, then it's likely they'll show up to eat some of the cheerleaders. Most of them, if none of them have been profiled very well before the first ad break.
Arthur: ... Of course.
Jeff: So they should be looking out if they're busy stretching and doing business and coaching a lot.
Arthur: I'd say everyone should be watching out for themselves, whether they be leaders of cheer or not. Those of you who know how to use a weapon, make sure you go armed.
Jeff: Peter taught me about swords once.
Arthur: Did he.
Jeff: I can sort of lift one!
Arthur: That's... very... good of you.
Jeff: Thanks. Sokka's watching zombie movies on the fifth floor! And I missed it. You should phone me next time, Sokka, I've got loads of zombie movies. Have you ever seen Babes of the Rotting Flesh 4? It's a classic!
Arthur: Do you always digress this much?
Jeff: ... yes.
Arthur: Stop it. We don't have the time.
Jeff: Yes sir. Turtle talks to Sokka about the zombies and about how they're not as bad as my mum. My mother could never be a zombie, she's too prone to sharp objects-
Arthur: Jeff.
Jeff: ... Are you one of the ones who's killed people? It's an academic question!
Arthur: Yes.
Jeff: Oh. Marco won't eat the popcorn 'cause Momo was in it. I think that was probably for the best. Turtle catches up with him about things. Have you ever killed anyone... locally?
Arthur: ... What?
Jeff: I mean, on the island. Have you ever killed anyone... on the island? Not in the radio station. It seems like there wouldn't be a lot of room--
Arthur: Of course I'm not going to kill anyone on this island. Take these notes.
Jeff: You were running drills of not killing people in your room!
Arthur: Lord Leto's wandered off. *pause* Leto, if you hear this, retreat to the indoors.
Jeff: Meg braves the indoors to say goodbye! Goodbye, Meg. Hurley wonders if she's going on vacation, but actually she's just leaving. ...Bye, Meg. Peyton asks about her mother and finds out about the leaving again. It's funny how people on this island are always leaving.
Arthur: Hardly. Will you stop... 'editorializing'? This isn't the time.
Jeff: You know, you sound very Middle Ages when you say that. Hurley talks to Angela about Meg's leaving, and then Reno makes some prank phone calls-
Arthur: Reno? We may have to speak about helping deal with these zombies as soon as possible. If you're willing.
Jeff: Adah prank phone calls Lee as well. It's April Fools, isn't it? Evil. I never know what to do with April Fools--
Arthur: No doubt. You're already fool enough without April coming knocking.
Jeff: ... Angela is shaken up because she found out Hurley turned into a zombie. Hurley! We've lost another one. These aren't fast zombies, though, there's lots of people still human so we've got time to fight off the mutated plague-
Arthur: Tell me, do you even understand half the words that come out of your mouth? Francine isn't to be found in her room, as Dinah, Katchoo, Alice and my manservant discover. Again, Francine, if you hear this message, please return to a safe space as soon as you can.
TOWNIES
Arthur: Johnny--
Jeff: Call him the Harlot!
Arthur: Johnny is hurling fireballs at Luke's Diner. Of course he is. Romeo and Rikku met for lunch to discuss matters of courting. Toby wore bright colours at Pixie Dust, no doubt to ensure we wouldn't miss him if he gets lost, and Claudia informs him of no longer being a peacock. Naomi opened Stark's, where Jack came bearing burgers. Sarah was at work at the Android's Dungeon when a zombie attacked her. Luckily, she managed to destroy it before it did any damage. *exhales almost audibly*
Jeff: She probably went for the brain.
Arthur: What?
Jeff: It's a zombie. You kill zombies by chopping off their heads or stabbing them in the brain. Everybody knows that!
Arthur: I... didn't know that. Thank you.
Jeff: Just about anything'll do to smack them in the brain with. I saw this one movie where they killed one by throwing a CD at their head. *pause* Although come to think of it, it wasn't that succesful 'cos the zombie kept walking-
Arthur: Fandom, you've heard it: if you find yourself attacked by a zombie, strike the head, it'll give you the best chances. If... Jeff... is right.
Jeff: I don't know much about anything, but I do know zombie movies!
Arthur: Claire has a dollhouse on display at Things Reborn, and while it's mocked by Merlin's roommate, it does draw in Mary. You were at the Arms Hotel, where both Turtle and Tully warned you of the zombies.
Jeff: Don't worry. It's just one of those weeks.
Arthur: I don't worry. But you'll stay indoors. You're too hapless to live.
Jeff: I know. Max was arguing about kumquats at the Freelance Police Headquarters. Kumquats are sort of oddly shaped. ... Kumquats. Er. Yes. And then a zombie attacked, and he fought him off, but got a bit of bone embedded in his arm which sounds a bit painful.
Arthur: Make sure you see a physician, Max.
Jeff: Oh, no point in that. It's the rules of the zombie movie. He's infected now, we'll have to kill him with piano wire.
Arthur: Right. Amber, Katchoo, Liir and Alice took their usual stations at work, which stayed uninterrupted. Tully, however, had to deal with a zombie attack at the lighthouse. He managed to escape unscathed, as evidenced by the fact he was at the Arms Hotel to spook Jeff later. Don't do that, Jeff, you're embarrassing yourself.
Jeff: I think I can feel my allergies coming back in.
Arthur: Terrific. Jaina took a walk on the boardwalk with her sword at her side. As it turned out, it was a good instinct on her part. John has been turned into one of these zombies and attacked her. I'm... very sorry, Jaina. I hope you've gotten to safety. Tony worked in his basement until the arrival of Tyler, who has also been turned. He was saved in time by sir Steve's brave intervention.
Jeff: Nice work, mister Rogers! Did you go for the head as well?
Arthur: I'm sure he did, or neither of them would still be standing, if you're to be believed. Caritas sees its own zombies in something of a frenzied state. With any luck they'll keep to dropping limbs as usual rather than attacking anyone. Sean, who'd been turned, came for drinks. Lady Penelope saw it as a prank. Be careful. Sir Daisy arrived on the premises to aide her; she attempted to question Sean. ... Far be it from me to question your methods, sir Daisy, but that's ridiculous.
Jeff: Detective Constable Day! It's brains they want.
Arthur: Yes, thank you, Jeff.
Jeff: You know, you sort of remind me of my friend Steve.
Arthur: Right.
Jeff: Especially when you do that.
Arthur: ... Nevermind. The clinic had its physician on staff, and she was sorely needed this time. Dinah brought Priestly, who'd been injured in an earlier fight. The physician managed to help him sufficiently to be able to send him back home when Tony arrived. Good.
Jeff: There's a Stitch 'n Bitch in town! I should go there, it sounds really exciting. Although a lot of women with pointy objects so maybe it's not such a good idea after all. What if they get upset?
Arthur: I doubt upset women are the worst of your worries right now, Jeff.
Jeff: You don't know upset women. They get to slap you. They all mingled and Charlotte was happy 'cos it wasn't stressful. No knitting zombies? I saw a film like that once. They wound up stabbed in the head with really large knitting needles! Agnes needed to use the bathroom 'cos there were zombies, and Harper let her know she didn't want goo on her clothes. It depends on whether they explode upon impact or not. Mina tells Eliza she has a bad feeling about all of this. That's probably because of all the zombies. Like Agnes said!
Arthur: That might be bound to give anyone a bad feeling or two. We'll handle it.
Jeff: You really like killing things, don't you?
Arthur: It has its moments.
Jeff: Okay. Mister Deadpool hasn't stabbed himself yet! And Agnes and Harper sew to calm down. At least that way you'll have some sharp pointy objects. Zombies arrive at the sewing circle. I don't think I've ever seen a film like that before, but someone should make one. Mister Deadpool tries to banter with one, which seems a bit difficult 'cos of all the braaains and everything. Then Agnes and Eliza try to talk to them, but they fail 'cos the zombies aren't upstanding members of society anymore. Unless you watch Brains of Blue Blood 6. It's in HD!
Arthur: ...I'll take the notes from here. For those of you at home, we've a list of those attacked by zombies who may not have made it. Captain Jack, our employer, was bitten just outside this station. John was taken by a zombie at the North Gate. Sean attempted to take one down with a spell, but failed. He too was turned. Tyler was taken by one on his way to see Tony. Sir Minsc fought bravely, but he too was bitten. Jack barely made it out before one got to him as well. Finally, Francine... was on her way to buy goods to celebrate the day when a zombie stumbled across her and bit her.
*exhale* Fandom, do not venture outside tonight. Arm yourselves. We'll get a handle on the situation soon, there's no point in risking your life before we get organised.
*knocking*
Ray: Hey! You two! Clear out!
*door opens*
Arthur: And who are you?
Ray: Ray Kowalski, Fandom PD. There's zombies out there, you kids should be locked up in the dorms snug'n safe.
Arthur: Sir Ray. We'll be returning to the dorms shortly, but Jeff here is in need of an escort.
Ray: ...Heh. Sir Ray. *snerk* Cute. Um. Sure. Escort for Jeff. You wanna help me escort him, ...?
Arthur: Prince Arthur of Camelot.
Ray: Yeah. Crazy island. Wanna help me 'escort' him, your Highness?
Arthur: Of course. But first I must see to my manservant, before he gets his head bitten off.
Ray: Yeah, you snag him, too. *pause* Is this thing still running? I've got--
*click*