Out of Choices- Chapter 22 Part 1
Title: Out Of Choices
Chapter 22: Rescue (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.1, 19.2, 20, 21)
Author:JCAddict/picklewinkle/Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count: 12,883
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: An angry young woman is forced to move to the town of Forks, Washington and decides that alone is the best way to be. She buries her heart and puts on a tough façade that very few people are able to break through. Can the love of a teenage vampire get through to the lost girl inside? AU (alternative universe) and OOC (out of character). Bella is uber OOC. Edward, not so much.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. I'm just manipulating them like imaginary playdoh so I feel like I have some power over them **snorts**
22. Rescue
A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.
First off, thank you for all of the reviews. I’m so humbled and grateful.
Big chapter, in length and plot, and this has almost 2,000 words edited out (and Word says it's only 12,883 :op). I have realized that I am way too attached though. That’s the first step in recovery isn’t it? Admitting there’s a problem?
Edward’s POV…
I’m not even sure how long I watched her sleep, trying to soothe away her hurt with my will. It was wretched to feel so helpless. I considered going back inside but didn’t, realizing it would be even harder to leave if she were right beside me. I left some time before the sun rose. I barely made a few hours before checking on her again. I drove this time, hoping she would agree to talk to me. She wasn’t home; no one was. I was glad she had no vicinal neighbours that might have caught me peering in the windows.
I checked on her again in the mid afternoon but she was still not home. I came on foot this time and instead of returning home I just waited in the forest behind her house. It would have been pointless to go through the motions of leaving when I knew my restlessness would not ease until I saw for myself that she was okay. She returned with her Uncle a short time later. They had been fishing by the looks of their attire and Bella looked worn out but happy.
I listened intently to the noises that floated from the kitchen. I could hear paper rustling, feet shuffling, the clicking and whooshing of a gas burner starting, metal clanking against metal, water running. Even though I couldn’t see her, I could tell Bella was cooking; her footsteps were lighter and she dragged her heels more than Charlie did. He was reading the newspaper by my best estimation.
Charlie’s mental tone was uneasy even though their conversation was relaxed. I could not discern the worry of his thoughts, only that they were centered on Bella and something he wanted to ask her. I waited fretfully for him to speak his concerns.
“So there’s been something I wanted to ask you about,” Charlie admitted quietly. His tone was already thick without even speaking the question in his mind. He was wondering about a night a couple of weeks ago when he’d heard Bella crying and checked on her several times during the night. I was immediately tense. Why had Bella been crying?
“Mmm-hmm?” Bella answered, in her usual one-word fashion.
The results of Charlie’s discomfort were audible. He shifted his weight in his chair repeatedly and the newspaper between his fingers crackled continually. “That crying the other night…you ahhh…” He was rephrasing his question in his head, afraid to offend her, worried that he was overstepping his bounds. Finally he settled on the words he wanted, cleared his throat and continued. “Those tears weren’t over your Mom were they? Did you want to tell me about it?”
Bella’s mouth popped open in shock or surprise, or both. She denied everything. “There’s nothing really to tell Charlie.”
Charlie didn’t believe her and I was pleased he wasn’t willing to just drop the subject. “Was it over a boy?”
“What?” She was surprised by Charlie’s accusation, judging by the strangled nature of her reply.
Charlie pressed on, unwilling to accept Bella’s brush off. “I’m guessing it’s the same guy that fixed your truck? I would have helped you kid.”
“I know. You were working late that night and I got stuck at the side of the road. I had no phone to call you or I would have.” I was glad Charlie had been unavailable that day. It was the only way Bella would have allowed me to help her.
“So who helped you?” Charlie demanded point blank.
“A guy from school.” She said it so casually I was almost offended. Charlie wasn’t fooled by her blasé reply either.
“Bells, he’s not ‘just a guy’ if he can make you cry like that.” I felt increasingly more anguished. What had I done to make her cry?
“I never said he was the one who made me cry.” She tried to sound forthright but her safeguarding was transparent to Charlie and me.
“You didn’t have to. Do I get to meet him? I sort of owe it to your Mom to stay on top of who you’re dating…and make sure you’re being safe...” Charlie’s mental tone was very protective and paternal. He was ready to fight for her whether she needed him to or not.
“We’re not dating.” No we certainly weren’t, nor would we ever be if it was dependent on Bella’s will, that seemed to be forever pushing me way.
Charlie’s thoughts shifted profoundly and what he was truly worried about became clear. “People aren’t necessarily…what I mean to say is that sex and dating aren’t always mutually exclusive.”
“You think I’m having sex?” Bella chuckled. I could hear a note of petulance buried in her consternation.
Charlie pulled back a little, trying to explain why he was asking, hoping he hadn’t handled things wrong by attacking the topic so directly with Bella. “It wouldn’t be the first time that a kid your age was sexually active. It wasn’t exactly a conversation I wanted to have with your Mom. I figured your love life was between you and her, but now that she’s gone…well…”
“Can’t it just stay between me and Mom?” She was pleading with Charlie because she did not want to discuss this with him, but Charlie was decidedly determined to get at the truth. I had to smile because I knew exactly what her expression would look like.
“I don’t need to know the wheres and the whatnots,” he allowed, a hint of unease in his voice. “Just your assurance that you’re being safe. And I can get you to the doctor if you need…” I could hear his mental solicitude in trying to speak his next word. “Protection…and I wouldn’t mind meeting the guy, just so I can get a look at him.”
Bella’s outrage was obvious in her tone. “Anything else? For someone who normally stays out of my business, this is pretty intrusive Charlie.”
Charlie’s mind possessed an amazing amount of respect and devotion in regards to seeing the promises that he had made to Bella’s Mother through. “I promised your Mom, Bells.”
Bella’s voice was rushed as she spoke, uncomfortable and vulnerable in her honesty. “I’m going to work from the assumption that you don’t want to have this conversation too often with me, although truthfully I was hoping it would be fornever. Yes, the guy that helped me with my truck is the same guy that made me cry.” A part of me wished she hadn’t confirmed that fact so fully. “We aren’t dating. We aren’t having sex. We aren’t even getting along most of the time.” I tried not to be offended by her overstatement. “I was a stupid motherfucker to fall for him because we couldn’t be more wrong for one another.”
My mouth fell open. She had just given me the verification that I had been pining for, words I thought I might never have authenticated beyond my own suspicions. She had fallen for me, perhaps not as I had for her, but she did indeed have feelings for me that went beyond the physical, beyond those she had for other boys, beyond even what she would allow herself to admit to me. Something inside me shifted palpably as the pieces came together. The events of the prior night began to crumble - the denial of her feelings, the opposition to the kiss, even the way she tried to ostracize me from her life. They were all invalid, absolute contradictions to her true feelings. Somehow beyond logic, beyond our differences and likenesses, and even beyond what was right and wrong, the human girl that I loved had fallen for me. I had never felt such hope and such fear in all my life. I fled as fast as my feet would take me. Knowing she cared for me changed everything.
I needed a completely new approach towards how I treated Bella, one that reflected her desires. It would require a shift in my thoughts and actions, starting with not allowing myself to check on her on Sunday. She wanted time and space away from me and I intended to grant it to her, as much as it pained me to stay away. I would have to wait for school on Monday to fully understand her mindset, although I think I knew her well enough to know that her walls would be back up. She would be expecting me to annoy her and to badger her to speak to me. I would do neither. I would show her that I respected her. I would not force myself on her, but I would not back off either. I would find new ways, important but not necessarily grand ways, to show her that I cared.
It was clear on Monday that I was not the only one with a new approach to things. Bella chose to avoid the parking lot in favour of the street on the far side of the school and skip lunch in the cafeteria to eat in her truck. At least she could not avoid me completely. There was always biology. I left the cafeteria early and headed to class, not bothering to try and keep up the human façade of lunch. I ached to see Bella; it was the only thing I cared about.
She didn’t look at me when she entered the room or when she took her seat. It was clear that she intended not to speak to me. I actually wished that she were outwardly angry with me. It would have been easier to deal with than her forced oblivion. I was still holding on to the hope that she might forgive me when I greeted her softly. “Hello.”
As I expected, she did not look at me when she returned my greeting. Her tone was aloof and indifferent. “Hey.”
I began with an apology because she believed me guilty of mistreating her and I wanted her to know that I was sorry I hurt her. “I’m very sorry Bella…” She did not allow me to finish my thoughts.
“I know, and if you don’t mind, this isn’t really the place to discuss this. I’d appreciate it if you could just drop it.” She never looked up from the desktop.
I wished I could tell her what she wanted to hear but I could not allow her to think I was giving up on her. “I really can’t drop it Bella. And I appreciate that this is not the place to have this discussion, but since you won’t talk to me outside of school I’m rather backed into a corner aren’t I?”
“You had your say on Friday.” Her quiet voice was like a sharp-edged sword, skillfully impaling my hope. She barely turned her head in acknowledgement of her fatal blow.
Her disguise did not fool me. “Was that when you walked away or when you pulled the phone cord out of the wall?”
“That would be when you didn’t show up for our date. We all have choices. You made yours.”
I knew she would never believe in the innocence of my mistake, but I offered the truth nonetheless. “Or choices are made for us.”
“Whichever, it doesn’t fucking matter. What’s done is done.” Her voice was tinged with anger, an odd emotional reaction for someone who claimed she did not care. Did she not see the irony in her choice of words?
It was important to me that Bella knew my feelings could not be undone by anger or empty declarations or even by innocent mistakes. “It’s not set in stone... and it matters to me Bella.”
“Not to me.” No turn of her head. No glance in my direction. Just the lies she told and believed. I would never believe them.
“I guess that means I have to care enough for both of us then.” She did not acknowledge my statement nor did I expect her too. I only wanted her to know that I still cared, that I would always care. As class continued I pondered what might get through her stubborn mind. I could only think of one thing and I waited for class to finish so I could share my thoughts. I tapped her shoulder softly and the relief in the contact was rapturous. Her eyes finally turned to mine, flashing with anger and then pain. I tried to ignore the turmoil it caused in me. “If you don’t believe me about Friday you can ask Alice you know?”
She turned away from me and continued on the same dishonest path as before class. “I already told you. It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s that I don’t care.”
I wanted to denounce her lies but instead I simply challenged her statement politely. “Not at all?”
“Nope.” One word. No looking. No honesty.
“So you believe me that I’m sorry for being late and that I was unavoidably detained but it doesn’t make any difference? I made one mistake and that’s the end of everything? No more tries, no more friendship, no more anything?” I challenged her thoughts, hoping she would at least be honest about where we stood.
She sat up straight in her chair and her eyes moved to the ceiling while she considered her answer. “We shouldn’t have ever tried to force something that clearly doesn’t work. It was…a mistake.”
Perhaps the only way she could pretend to feel nothing for me was to act as if we never existed at all. “The date that never happened was a mistake? Or everything?” I asked.
Her eyes fell to the tabletop. “Trying to make us into something more than we are.” At least she couldn’t look me in the eye and lie. That was something.
“Oh I see…I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree then.” I would never again concur that we were less than what we were. Our feelings were real. We were real.
“I guess.”
I made one last attempt to extend my time with her. “Can I walk you to gym?”
“No thanks. I’ll walk myself.” I was unsurprised when she turned me down. At least she knew what I wanted.
“Perhaps some other time then. It was nice to see you Bella. I was worried when I didn’t see you at lunch today.” I wanted her to know that she was missed.
I allowed myself one indulgence that would perhaps be an annoyance to Bella. There were things I wanted to say to her that felt too private to say in front of the other students. Since she would not allow me any time alone with her I decided that I would leave her a note in her truck. She could read it in privacy, and perhaps the meaning in my sentiments would have greater gravity if she had time to consider them at her convenience. I slipped out of Spanish early and left the note on the front seat. The message was simple. I could not think of us as a mistake, but if that was what we were to her, then she should know that she would be the best mistake I ever made.
On Tuesday I tried very hard to respect Bella’s need for withhold in our communication. We spoke only when required to complete the assignment. Still she refused to look at me and I lost count of the number of time I suppressed the urge to lift her chin up so I could look into her eyes. It was agonizing, but I endured for the sake of us, holding tightly to the words she’d spoken to Charlie about her feelings for me. Mr. Banner could see that we were not completing the assignment as intended and accused us of not working together. Bella tried to take the blame but I could not allow it. I was as much at fault as she was. We landed in detention for two days. I wasn’t upset by the prospect of two extra hours with Bella but I began to wonder if she suspected that I had spoken up to procure further time with her. I resigned myself to afford her the space she seemed to crave, sitting as far away from her as the room would allow, although I had the advantage of seeing almost every change in her expression through the other detention students. She looked over at me a number of times and I took solace in it. She was betraying her feelings for me whether she realized it or not.
The sentiment in my note that day was more personal to me than yesterday’s. I was remembering the profound gesture of her taking my hand in spite of her discomfort. What I wouldn’t give to be able to take her hand and ask her to come back to me the way she had to me last week, and even more for her to let me.
On Wednesday Alice found Bella at lunch. I pushed Alice’s voice out of my head to give them some privacy. Alice was angry with me for distancing myself from her, but it was for the best. There was a part of me that wanted the aide of Alice’s visions to help show me the way, but the larger part wanted to figure things out with Bella without interference and bias from anyone. Biology was much the same as yesterday, but with a little more talking to keep Mr. Banner off of our backs. Just as I did yesterday and the day before, I asked her if I could walk her to gym, just so she would know that I still desired her company in spite of everything. I never expected her to accept and she never did.
Bella looked excessively irritated during detention that day. It took all the control I had not to ask her what was bothering her, particularly during her frequent glances in my direction. I was shocked when I found her waiting outside in the hallway when detention was dismissed. Her expression was a mix of anger and discomfort. She wasted no time making small talk and got right to her point. “I was wondering if you were going on the ski trip this weekend?”
I had purposefully refrained from making a decision about going, struggling with my desire to watch out for Bella and to give her the space she desired. There was also the added problem of Alice. As soon as I made my decision she would see my path. I wasn’t sure if she would share my plans with Bella or not. “Did you want me to?” I wondered. I would have loved to hear an honest answer to my question, but it seemed to aggravate her.
“Don’t fuck with me Cullen. Just answer the goddamn question.” Yes, I had definitely aggravated her, although I wasn’t quite sure how I’d done it so wholly. It was a simple polite query regarding what she wanted, not an exam question asking for a calculus derivative or a demand for world peace.
I tried to redirect my answer so she might see what I was implying by my first question. “I thought this was your time with Alice?”
“Can you ever just answer a question?” I had to bite back a smile as she accused me of not answering her questions when she was doing the same to me. The tone of her voice didn’t even bother me. She wouldn’t get so angry with me if she did not care for me.
“I didn’t sign up for the ski trip.” I gave her the most honest answer I was capable of, although I wasn’t able to hold back my smirk. I made sure to leave room to go on the trip if I chose to with the way I worded my answer, so that I could not be accused of lying. She began to leave but suddenly turned back to me.
“You could have just said ‘no’ and made this easier for me.” My eyes followed her down the hallway as she walked away for good this time. I suppose I could have done that. I thought that I was making things easier for her, but perhaps I still had not gone far enough. I resolved to pull back further, as unhappy as it made me to do so. I wondered if my note would make her even angrier today, given her mood. It was a simple sentiment. I was still having great difficulty accepting the idea that Bella saw us as a mistake, but I wanted her to know that if we were, we were a mistake worth making. What we stood to gain was so much greater than any risk, at least to me.
Thursday was a dreadful day. I said nothing to her at all and it almost broke me. Would she know that I was only trying to make things easier for her as she had asked? I didn’t bother to ask to walk her to gym, worried that it would increase her irritation and make her pull back further. Even watching her through the eyes of her classmates did nothing to soothe my nerves. The distance between us was killing me.
I used my note that day to show her how much I valued her place in my life. I wanted to convey that I would give anything for the opportunity of one more chance to win her back, even if it meant starting from square one with her.
Friday she seemed impossibly more withdrawn and upset. I almost gave up my new approach entirely a dozen times that day. I remembered thinking when we first met how horrible her detached blank expression was. I would have taken that expression in place of the pained and almost defeated expression that tainted her features today. I fought the urge to caress her hair and stroke the back of her hand and a hundred other soothing gestures over the course of our hour together.
With my last chance to reach out to her before her weekend away, I made sure she would go skiing knowing exactly how I felt. The words were simple, “I need you. I miss you. Please don’t run away from me Bella.”
I waited for Alice to leave to pick up Bella before I even contemplated taking the trip. I really wanted to do what was right for Bella, and she believed that being away from me was important. If she hadn’t seemed distraught today it might have been easier to consider leaving her to her weekend with Alice, but she did. I was torn.
I had made my family aware of my interest in Bella a few nights prior. It had become obvious that the pressure of keeping my secret was getting to Alice so I called a family meeting to explain my behaviour. Only Alice knew the true depth of my feelings for her, but the rest knew I cared for her. Jasper found my interest in Bella curious because she was a human, but I think he was more open to the idea given Alice’s fondness for her. He was wary though, and it would be a test of his will to be around her. Emmett found everything about the situation humorous, particularly that I would be the one to court a human given my disdain of the human mind. I didn’t bother to defend her to him. He would make up his own mind regardless of my opinions. Rosalie hadn’t spoken to me since that night, and that was fine with me. I’d had enough of her ridicule and petty debasements about five minutes after delivering my news. I loved my sister, but her idiosyncrasies were vain and self-centred and I could not be bothered trying deal with them let alone understand them. My mother and father were outwardly pleased but cautiously concerned. I planned to more fully tell them the story when I found time but since my announcement I was a frequent topic of conversation and discussion between them.
At a smaller physical distance, I would have been able to use my sibling’s minds to watch Bella, but it was just not an option here. Knowing Emmett and Jasper would be there to help look after her gave me little comfort. Ultimately, I felt the responsibility for Bella’s care should rest with me, and that the deciding factor that pushed me to make the trip to Snoqualmie Pass.
Everyone was already skiing by the time I arrived. Bella seemed to be having fun with Jasper and Alice. I was relieved to see her face clear of the sadness that had plagued it earlier. It was tempting to use the excuse of an hour of skiing before the slopes closed to get a closer look at Bella’s happiness but I refrained. Bella deserved the peace. Alice would know that I’d come so I waited for her arrival, mentally preparing myself for the earful she would give me.
I panicked when I saw Bella leaving Alice and Jasper, uncomfortable with the idea of her travelling alone. The large crowd seemed to be largely ignoring her. Anxious, I furiously scanned minds and caught only glimpses of her as she blended into the crowd waiting for the shuttle. I snuck to the end of the hallway to watch for her arrival. When she exited the shuttle she seemed disconcerted about something. I followed her line of sight and understood immediately that she had seen my car and was upset I was there. It was not the reaction I had wished for. Morose, I went back to my room to wait for Alice.
Alice didn’t keep me waiting. She was calling me out angrily before she even got back to the hotel. ‘Are you trying to make her hate you Edward? You said you weren’t coming. Do you have any idea how much damage control I’m going to have to do? I’m going to check on her and then I’m coming for you. Consider yourself forewarned.’
I probably should have allowed them some privacy but I was worried about Bella being angry with me for being there. Alice greeted her softly. Bella rolled to face her with an apathetic expression on her features.
“Hey.”
“I take it you know?” Alice wondered.
“Saw his car,” Bella admitted quietly.
“I’m sorry Bella. It must have been a last minute decision to come. I swear to you if I had known I would have told you.”
“It’s okay,” Bella whispered abjectly.
“I’m going to go talk to him Bella and tell him to leave you alone.”
“You don’t have to do that Alice.”
“I don’t know about you Bella but I’m angry with him. He had no right to come here.”
“He had as much right as I did. And I don’t want to put you in the middle. Just go and be with your brother Alice.”
“Uh, no. I came to be with you Bella. Not him. I’ll tell him to leave us both alone.”
“I’m really sorry,” Bella whispered.
“Sorry? What have you done to be sorry about?”
“I just hate that you are being dragged into this whole ridiculous fucking situation. Now I’ve ruined your weekend and probably fucked up your relationship with your brother.”
Alice sat down on the bed beside Bella and covered Bella’s hand with her own. “Listen kiddo, you haven’t ruined anything. I don’t have a clue what’s going on between the two of you and it’s none of my business. If you want my help, I’m here. If you want me to ignore the crap out of my brother this weekend, I’m all over it like white on rice. I just want you to be happy. You deserve a break Bella. Don’t let him take that away from you.”
“Can we just ignore the fact he’s here? Just pretend we don’t know that he came?”
“If that’s what you want, sure. But you’re aware that you’re going to have to deal with him eventually, right? I mean he’s not just going to go away. And I’d much rather go talk to him and tell him to steer clear of us, just to be sure that he knows that I’ll rip him limb from limb if he tries to bother you.” I laughed out loud at her very pointed comment for my benefit. She knew I would be listening.
“Alice,” Bella whispered, her voice hoarse with emotion, “I don’t have any family, and I really don’t want to come in between you and yours.”
“You won’t sweetie. Edward needs to understand that he doesn’t have control over everything, and I’m just the one to deliver the message to him. You sit tight. I’ll be back in a few minutes and we can get back to our weekend.” Bella looked reluctant but Alice just patted her hand and left. She prattled on the whole way to my room, likely trying to keep me out of her thoughts. I heard her knock on the door.
“It’s open,” I called. She walked in glaring at me but I didn’t let her speak. “I know you’re angry and that Bella is none too pleased that I’m here. I promise I won’t get in your way. I just wanted to make sure that she’s safe.”
“That’s what they invented phones for Edward.”
“You know that’s not the same as seeing it for myself. Besides, you should understand better than most that when it comes to Bella and I nothing is ever as easy as a telephone call.”
“You should have just let her be this weekend Edward. She deserves a break.”
“I promise you that unless she asks me to talk to her, you won’t even know I’m here. Think about it Alice. Would I risk making things worse between Bella and me?”
“Gee Edward, I don’t know…how would I know what you would or wouldn’t risk since you’ve so conveniently left me out of the loop?”
“Would you want me in the middle of you and Jasper?”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“It’s exactly the same thing. This is between Bella and me. The two of us have to find a way to work things out if we ever have a hope of making it.”
“What do you want me to tell her? She’s going to want to know why you’re here.”
“Well you can do one of two things. You can tell her the truth. Tell her that I love her and that I’m here to make sure that she’s safe since I can’t read her mind and you were too far away from Forks for me to read your mind,” I smirked. “Or you can tell her that Emmett asked for my company and I felt badly that Rosalie wouldn’t come skiing with him, and that I didn’t make my decision to come until the last minute, worried about how she might react.”
“Is that the truth?”
“It’s not the reason I came. We both know that, but there is truth in it, and since we can’t tell her the whole truth, I think some truth is better than none.”
“And I have your word that you’ll stay clear of her?”
“Yes Alice.”
“I’m trusting you,” she mumbled, turning and leaving.
While Alice waited for the elevator, I realized what her night would be like. Bella would need to sleep and poor Alice would be trapped in the hotel room with her.
‘Don’t even think about it Edward,’ she scolded me from the hallway. ‘Bella needs her sleep, not you watching her. I’ll go next door to Jasper’s. You stay in your room like you promised.’ I loved my sister, but sometimes her visions were annoying.
It was harder than I thought it would be staying away from Bella that night, knowing she was in the same hotel as me, the next floor down and a few rooms away. I thought knowing she was safe would be enough for me, but it wasn’t. Alice checked in with me every couple of hours after looking in on Bella, just to assure me that Bella was fine and to warn me to stay away. It was amazingly difficult to decline the invitation from my brothers to go hang out with them. I wanted to be there, where Bella would be in the next room, but I knew it would be like emotional sabotage. She didn’t want me there and she had a right to feel safe, and to have her concerns heard and respected. As much as I wanted to be near her I couldn’t. I knew my desires well enough to recognize that the closer I got to her the closer I would want to be. I had to fight with that part of me all night but I stuck by my word and stayed away.
I watched Jasper and Alice leave with Bella the next morning, and observed them at her side helping familiarize her with her skis and with falling, a lot. I struggled with my jealousy, wanting to be the one laughing with her and helping her up when she fell. When Emmett showed up at my door and begged me to ski with him I accepted. I knew Emmett would want to stick to the more advanced slopes and there would be little risk of me crossing paths with Bella. I felt my jealousy ease a small amount in being nearer her.
It was a perfect day for skiing. The winds were almost nonexistent and the snow that had come down over night provided a fresh powder layer that we could dig our skis into. Emmett and I had raced almost every trail in the Alpental and were considering traversing the backcountry when I felt a sudden unease. It was nothing specific, just a sense that something was wrong. I scanned for Alice and Jasper and they were both fine, as was Bella. I couldn’t shake the feeling though and made my regrets to Emmett. He headed off towards the Upper International trail for another run while I made my way to Summit West to loiter in the shops and restaurants, hoping to catch a glimpse of Bella. There were plenty of people around so I would blend in; she would not see me. I spent a good hour watching and waiting and hoping she might show up. She never did. I had assumed the easier trails would have kept them in Summit West but I was beginning to worry. Finally, too restless to wait around any longer I moved over to Summit Central. I found Jasper and Alice easily and waited from the to get to the bottom of the trail.
“Where’s Bella?”
“She went off by herself,” Jasper informed me with a smile. “You should see how well she’s taken to her skis Edward. You’d be proud.” He was excited for her. It was rewarding on some level that he was so congenial towards her, and I tried to hold on to that feeling while his words registered and alarmed me.
My eyes shot to Alice. “You let her go by herself?” I asked disbelievingly.
“She insisted Edward. I’m her friend, not her keeper. She wanted to try a trail or two by herself. She’s earned it. You have no idea how hard she’s worked today.” Alice’s mental tone was defensive. I’d insulted her. ‘Calm down Edward. Don’t overreact.’
I backed off my emotions as much as I was able because Alice was right. I was overreacting. “I’ve been watching,” I smiled, “but she shouldn’t ski alone. No one should. You both know that.” I tried to hide my concern in a warning but I don’t think I fooled either of them. “I’m going to go look for her.”
“Edward no,” Alice chided. “You promised.”
“I just want to make sure she’s safe Alice. I’ll stay far enough away that she won’t even see me.”
“But Edward…”
“I don’t need your permission Alice,” I growled. I probably should have told her about my sense that something was wrong but she would have just told me I was making excuses, and perhaps I was.
“Edward,” Jasper warned. He didn’t like the way I’d spoken to Alice. He had every right to be angry with me.
“Sorry. Alice…I have to go. I know you don’t want me to do this but I have to.” And I was off.
I combed every trail in Summit Central and by the end of an hour and a half I had covered all sixteen of the most advanced trails, taking extra time to scan for her where the advanced trails crossed with the less advanced ones. There was no sign of her on any of them. I went down to the central base area and found Jasper and Alice. They still hadn’t seen Bella. I began to panic.
“Do you see anything Alice…anything?” I pleaded. I watched as she focused forward, sheltering her head against Jasper’s chest and pushing her mind into the future. There were no images of Bella, nothing concrete or the least bit helpful to aide in pinpointing her location. I felt an overwhelming sense of dread. We should have been able to see something.
“I don’t know what to tell you Edward. I can’t see anything,” Alice whispered. “If something had happened I would be able to see it. I’m sure it’s nothing.” She tried to sound supportive but her worried mental tone betrayed her false assuredness.
I sent Alice and Jasper to find Emmett and get him looking for Bella, and I headed back out. The unease I felt earlier had returned tenfold and I could finally put a reason to it. It was the smell in the air. There was a storm approaching. It would be nothing for experienced skiers but Bella was not amply prepared for it. I kept a faithful eye on Alice’s thoughts as she scanned for Bella and the longer her thoughts turned up void of Bella the more uncomfortable I became.
I had already covered the western half of Summit Central amply so I headed up towards the eastern boundaries near the crossover to Summit East as the storm broke. The area was much more tree-covered and closed off than the western half of the summit. After several runs turned up no signs of her, I decided to check Tanner’s Pass in case she had somehow taken a wrong turn in that direction. It was a dangerous place for an inexperienced skier with its narrow passageways that cross cut the larger trails. Almost immediately I picked up her scent. If she wasn’t in the area, she had passed by the trail very recently. I was so caught up in my panic that the strength of her scent didn’t register, and when it finally did I stopped dead in my tracks. It wasn’t just her scent; it was her blood that I smelled. In the brief moment it took me to gather myself a hundred thoughts raced through my head. I braced myself for the monster in me to roar. He did not. I suppose my anguished worry over Bella’s well-being prevented him from engaging, but I did not care to know the reasons. I questioned my strength, my sanity, my will and my nature, but the only thing that mattered to me was finding Bella. I dug my skis in and slid along slowly, scanning the trees and following the powerfully pungent smell of her blood. Finally I saw her, a good fifty feet into the trees, lying on her side in the snow.
“Bella,” I called, accelerating towards her. She did not answer me. “Bella,” I yelled louder. No answer. I used my poles to snap my boots out of the ski’s bindings and ran to her. Every medical instinct I had evaporated as I approached her. I leaned over her body in a panic, brushing her hair off of her face and inadvertently revealing the source of the blood, a medium sized head wound located over her left eye. “Bella,” I whispered. “Can you hear me?” Her eyes remained closed. “Bella, please,” I pleaded, “open your eyes and show me that you’re okay.” If I were capable of tears they would have been pouring from my eyes. I was absolutely beside myself. The only thing that stopped me from grabbing her up and running with her body was my inability to ascertain whether or not she could be moved safely. I ran my hand over her forehead and down along her cheek, cupping the side of her face tenderly. “Please Bella,” I begged. “Just open your eyes.” Her breathing was deep and even and absolutely the opposite of mine. “Please just be okay,” I murmured, staring at her face and watching for any change that might register. “Please open your eyes if you can hear me Bella,” I implored.
Rather than open her eyes, they squeezed more tightly shut and I cried out in divine relief. “Bella, are you okay? Can you hear me sweetheart? Open your eyes please?” I begged shamelessly.
“Ow,” she murmured.
“Where does it hurt?” I beseeched.
“My head,” she rasped, “and my left leg.” My hands flew down her body to check her leg for broken bones.
“Does this hurt?” I asked as I squeezed and moved her leg gingerly.
“No, ow, no, ow! Okay yes, ow.”
“Bella, your leg may be broken. We need to get it x-rayed.” I grabbed her broken ski and snapped what was left of it in two, pulling my scarf from around my neck to tie the pieces into a makeshift splint.
“I don’t think I can walk,” she admitted quietly, still not opening her eyes.
“I’ll carry you if you’ll allow it?”
“Yes please.” Just like I had the night in the clearing, I scooped her up and tucked her head into my neck, being careful to keep her as still as possible to protect her leg, and I began to walk.
“What happened Bella?” I asked, hoping she’d speak so I could focus on the sound of her voice rather than the overwhelming smell of her blood pressed so close to my face. Her tiny arms came out to hold on to me, and it was the pressure of her tiny hands curled around my neck that re-centered me. The lure of her blood dissolved. She was afraid and in pain and her well-being was the only thing that mattered.
“I got cut off by some guy who was crossing the pass. I corrected my skis but couldn’t get them turned back towards the trail fast enough. The passage way was so narrow and I got caught up in the trees. I think I hit my head.”
“Well you definitely did something to your head. You’ve got an inch and a half gash above your left eye. Did you lose consciousness?”
“I’m not sure, maybe?” she allowed. “I don’t actually remember hitting my head, just thinking I was going to.” That’s why Alice couldn’t find her. She was unconscious.
“You shouldn’t have gone off by yourself. It’s not safe to ski by yourself. Jasper and Alice should have taught you that.”
“They deserved some time alone,” she whispered.
“Don’t you know what it would have done to me if you’d been seriously hurt?” I murmured apprehensively, subconsciously pulling her tighter to me. She shook her head and then nuzzled it more deeply into my neck. The sensation almost brought me to my knees. The feel of her in my arms mixed with knowing she was mostly all right and a little bit of affection from her set off every loving instinct in my body. “Does it hurt?”
“Yes, and don’t you go thinking I don’t know that you lied to me,” she charged softly, lifting her chin towards my face so she could look at me. Her eyes were finally opened.
“What?” I laughed, relieved to see no anger or distance in her beautiful brown eyes.
“You said you weren’t coming.”
“No, I said I didn’t sign up for the ski trip, which I didn’t. I came on my own.”
“Need to be right,” she murmured, pushing her head back into my neck. I smiled. In this case she was one hundred percent right.
I brought her directly to first aid. Alice would have seen me make the decision. She would know where to find us. Bella had to be transported to the local hospital to be x-rayed and Alice rode with her in the ambulance. I went back up the hill to get the equipment we’d left behind and then went to the hospital to help fill out the paperwork. Bella’s tibia was broken, and I made sure that she was fitted with a removable plastic walker cast so she would be more comfortable. The fracture was hairline and extremely minor; I checked the x-rays myself. I also checked her head CT that showed a minor concussion. I gave Alice my keys and told her to take Bella back to the hotel to rest and call Charlie. I followed behind once the bill was paid and headed to Bella’s room to check on her. Jasper was waiting for me, looking rather sheepish and guilty. “She’s not here,” he whispered.
“Where?” I asked, my face twisted in misunderstanding.
“Alice said she insisted on waiting for you in your room.”
“Oh,” I whispered, stunned.
“I’m sorry Edward.”
“She’s fine Jasper. That’s all that matters.”
“You love her don’t you?” he wondered. He didn’t expect me to answer nor did I believe he needed me to.
“More than anything else on this Earth.”
“For what it’s worth, I believe she cares for you.” The notion meant a lot coming from Jasper, whose keen sense of emotional awareness was his greatest asset. He must have picked something up from her after they returned from the hospital.
“Thanks Jasper, and thank you for helping look for her. I should have been more upfront about Bella’s proclivity to clumsiness.” I smiled at his smirk and left to find Bella. I didn’t bother to wait for the elevator, taking the stairs four at a time, anxious to get to her.
Part two is here
Chapter 22: Rescue (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.1, 19.2, 20, 21)
Author:JCAddict/picklewinkle/Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count: 12,883
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: An angry young woman is forced to move to the town of Forks, Washington and decides that alone is the best way to be. She buries her heart and puts on a tough façade that very few people are able to break through. Can the love of a teenage vampire get through to the lost girl inside? AU (alternative universe) and OOC (out of character). Bella is uber OOC. Edward, not so much.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. I'm just manipulating them like imaginary playdoh so I feel like I have some power over them **snorts**
22. Rescue
A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.
First off, thank you for all of the reviews. I’m so humbled and grateful.
Big chapter, in length and plot, and this has almost 2,000 words edited out (and Word says it's only 12,883 :op). I have realized that I am way too attached though. That’s the first step in recovery isn’t it? Admitting there’s a problem?
Edward’s POV…
I’m not even sure how long I watched her sleep, trying to soothe away her hurt with my will. It was wretched to feel so helpless. I considered going back inside but didn’t, realizing it would be even harder to leave if she were right beside me. I left some time before the sun rose. I barely made a few hours before checking on her again. I drove this time, hoping she would agree to talk to me. She wasn’t home; no one was. I was glad she had no vicinal neighbours that might have caught me peering in the windows.
I checked on her again in the mid afternoon but she was still not home. I came on foot this time and instead of returning home I just waited in the forest behind her house. It would have been pointless to go through the motions of leaving when I knew my restlessness would not ease until I saw for myself that she was okay. She returned with her Uncle a short time later. They had been fishing by the looks of their attire and Bella looked worn out but happy.
I listened intently to the noises that floated from the kitchen. I could hear paper rustling, feet shuffling, the clicking and whooshing of a gas burner starting, metal clanking against metal, water running. Even though I couldn’t see her, I could tell Bella was cooking; her footsteps were lighter and she dragged her heels more than Charlie did. He was reading the newspaper by my best estimation.
Charlie’s mental tone was uneasy even though their conversation was relaxed. I could not discern the worry of his thoughts, only that they were centered on Bella and something he wanted to ask her. I waited fretfully for him to speak his concerns.
“So there’s been something I wanted to ask you about,” Charlie admitted quietly. His tone was already thick without even speaking the question in his mind. He was wondering about a night a couple of weeks ago when he’d heard Bella crying and checked on her several times during the night. I was immediately tense. Why had Bella been crying?
“Mmm-hmm?” Bella answered, in her usual one-word fashion.
The results of Charlie’s discomfort were audible. He shifted his weight in his chair repeatedly and the newspaper between his fingers crackled continually. “That crying the other night…you ahhh…” He was rephrasing his question in his head, afraid to offend her, worried that he was overstepping his bounds. Finally he settled on the words he wanted, cleared his throat and continued. “Those tears weren’t over your Mom were they? Did you want to tell me about it?”
Bella’s mouth popped open in shock or surprise, or both. She denied everything. “There’s nothing really to tell Charlie.”
Charlie didn’t believe her and I was pleased he wasn’t willing to just drop the subject. “Was it over a boy?”
“What?” She was surprised by Charlie’s accusation, judging by the strangled nature of her reply.
Charlie pressed on, unwilling to accept Bella’s brush off. “I’m guessing it’s the same guy that fixed your truck? I would have helped you kid.”
“I know. You were working late that night and I got stuck at the side of the road. I had no phone to call you or I would have.” I was glad Charlie had been unavailable that day. It was the only way Bella would have allowed me to help her.
“So who helped you?” Charlie demanded point blank.
“A guy from school.” She said it so casually I was almost offended. Charlie wasn’t fooled by her blasé reply either.
“Bells, he’s not ‘just a guy’ if he can make you cry like that.” I felt increasingly more anguished. What had I done to make her cry?
“I never said he was the one who made me cry.” She tried to sound forthright but her safeguarding was transparent to Charlie and me.
“You didn’t have to. Do I get to meet him? I sort of owe it to your Mom to stay on top of who you’re dating…and make sure you’re being safe...” Charlie’s mental tone was very protective and paternal. He was ready to fight for her whether she needed him to or not.
“We’re not dating.” No we certainly weren’t, nor would we ever be if it was dependent on Bella’s will, that seemed to be forever pushing me way.
Charlie’s thoughts shifted profoundly and what he was truly worried about became clear. “People aren’t necessarily…what I mean to say is that sex and dating aren’t always mutually exclusive.”
“You think I’m having sex?” Bella chuckled. I could hear a note of petulance buried in her consternation.
Charlie pulled back a little, trying to explain why he was asking, hoping he hadn’t handled things wrong by attacking the topic so directly with Bella. “It wouldn’t be the first time that a kid your age was sexually active. It wasn’t exactly a conversation I wanted to have with your Mom. I figured your love life was between you and her, but now that she’s gone…well…”
“Can’t it just stay between me and Mom?” She was pleading with Charlie because she did not want to discuss this with him, but Charlie was decidedly determined to get at the truth. I had to smile because I knew exactly what her expression would look like.
“I don’t need to know the wheres and the whatnots,” he allowed, a hint of unease in his voice. “Just your assurance that you’re being safe. And I can get you to the doctor if you need…” I could hear his mental solicitude in trying to speak his next word. “Protection…and I wouldn’t mind meeting the guy, just so I can get a look at him.”
Bella’s outrage was obvious in her tone. “Anything else? For someone who normally stays out of my business, this is pretty intrusive Charlie.”
Charlie’s mind possessed an amazing amount of respect and devotion in regards to seeing the promises that he had made to Bella’s Mother through. “I promised your Mom, Bells.”
Bella’s voice was rushed as she spoke, uncomfortable and vulnerable in her honesty. “I’m going to work from the assumption that you don’t want to have this conversation too often with me, although truthfully I was hoping it would be fornever. Yes, the guy that helped me with my truck is the same guy that made me cry.” A part of me wished she hadn’t confirmed that fact so fully. “We aren’t dating. We aren’t having sex. We aren’t even getting along most of the time.” I tried not to be offended by her overstatement. “I was a stupid motherfucker to fall for him because we couldn’t be more wrong for one another.”
My mouth fell open. She had just given me the verification that I had been pining for, words I thought I might never have authenticated beyond my own suspicions. She had fallen for me, perhaps not as I had for her, but she did indeed have feelings for me that went beyond the physical, beyond those she had for other boys, beyond even what she would allow herself to admit to me. Something inside me shifted palpably as the pieces came together. The events of the prior night began to crumble - the denial of her feelings, the opposition to the kiss, even the way she tried to ostracize me from her life. They were all invalid, absolute contradictions to her true feelings. Somehow beyond logic, beyond our differences and likenesses, and even beyond what was right and wrong, the human girl that I loved had fallen for me. I had never felt such hope and such fear in all my life. I fled as fast as my feet would take me. Knowing she cared for me changed everything.
I needed a completely new approach towards how I treated Bella, one that reflected her desires. It would require a shift in my thoughts and actions, starting with not allowing myself to check on her on Sunday. She wanted time and space away from me and I intended to grant it to her, as much as it pained me to stay away. I would have to wait for school on Monday to fully understand her mindset, although I think I knew her well enough to know that her walls would be back up. She would be expecting me to annoy her and to badger her to speak to me. I would do neither. I would show her that I respected her. I would not force myself on her, but I would not back off either. I would find new ways, important but not necessarily grand ways, to show her that I cared.
It was clear on Monday that I was not the only one with a new approach to things. Bella chose to avoid the parking lot in favour of the street on the far side of the school and skip lunch in the cafeteria to eat in her truck. At least she could not avoid me completely. There was always biology. I left the cafeteria early and headed to class, not bothering to try and keep up the human façade of lunch. I ached to see Bella; it was the only thing I cared about.
She didn’t look at me when she entered the room or when she took her seat. It was clear that she intended not to speak to me. I actually wished that she were outwardly angry with me. It would have been easier to deal with than her forced oblivion. I was still holding on to the hope that she might forgive me when I greeted her softly. “Hello.”
As I expected, she did not look at me when she returned my greeting. Her tone was aloof and indifferent. “Hey.”
I began with an apology because she believed me guilty of mistreating her and I wanted her to know that I was sorry I hurt her. “I’m very sorry Bella…” She did not allow me to finish my thoughts.
“I know, and if you don’t mind, this isn’t really the place to discuss this. I’d appreciate it if you could just drop it.” She never looked up from the desktop.
I wished I could tell her what she wanted to hear but I could not allow her to think I was giving up on her. “I really can’t drop it Bella. And I appreciate that this is not the place to have this discussion, but since you won’t talk to me outside of school I’m rather backed into a corner aren’t I?”
“You had your say on Friday.” Her quiet voice was like a sharp-edged sword, skillfully impaling my hope. She barely turned her head in acknowledgement of her fatal blow.
Her disguise did not fool me. “Was that when you walked away or when you pulled the phone cord out of the wall?”
“That would be when you didn’t show up for our date. We all have choices. You made yours.”
I knew she would never believe in the innocence of my mistake, but I offered the truth nonetheless. “Or choices are made for us.”
“Whichever, it doesn’t fucking matter. What’s done is done.” Her voice was tinged with anger, an odd emotional reaction for someone who claimed she did not care. Did she not see the irony in her choice of words?
It was important to me that Bella knew my feelings could not be undone by anger or empty declarations or even by innocent mistakes. “It’s not set in stone... and it matters to me Bella.”
“Not to me.” No turn of her head. No glance in my direction. Just the lies she told and believed. I would never believe them.
“I guess that means I have to care enough for both of us then.” She did not acknowledge my statement nor did I expect her too. I only wanted her to know that I still cared, that I would always care. As class continued I pondered what might get through her stubborn mind. I could only think of one thing and I waited for class to finish so I could share my thoughts. I tapped her shoulder softly and the relief in the contact was rapturous. Her eyes finally turned to mine, flashing with anger and then pain. I tried to ignore the turmoil it caused in me. “If you don’t believe me about Friday you can ask Alice you know?”
She turned away from me and continued on the same dishonest path as before class. “I already told you. It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s that I don’t care.”
I wanted to denounce her lies but instead I simply challenged her statement politely. “Not at all?”
“Nope.” One word. No looking. No honesty.
“So you believe me that I’m sorry for being late and that I was unavoidably detained but it doesn’t make any difference? I made one mistake and that’s the end of everything? No more tries, no more friendship, no more anything?” I challenged her thoughts, hoping she would at least be honest about where we stood.
She sat up straight in her chair and her eyes moved to the ceiling while she considered her answer. “We shouldn’t have ever tried to force something that clearly doesn’t work. It was…a mistake.”
Perhaps the only way she could pretend to feel nothing for me was to act as if we never existed at all. “The date that never happened was a mistake? Or everything?” I asked.
Her eyes fell to the tabletop. “Trying to make us into something more than we are.” At least she couldn’t look me in the eye and lie. That was something.
“Oh I see…I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree then.” I would never again concur that we were less than what we were. Our feelings were real. We were real.
“I guess.”
I made one last attempt to extend my time with her. “Can I walk you to gym?”
“No thanks. I’ll walk myself.” I was unsurprised when she turned me down. At least she knew what I wanted.
“Perhaps some other time then. It was nice to see you Bella. I was worried when I didn’t see you at lunch today.” I wanted her to know that she was missed.
I allowed myself one indulgence that would perhaps be an annoyance to Bella. There were things I wanted to say to her that felt too private to say in front of the other students. Since she would not allow me any time alone with her I decided that I would leave her a note in her truck. She could read it in privacy, and perhaps the meaning in my sentiments would have greater gravity if she had time to consider them at her convenience. I slipped out of Spanish early and left the note on the front seat. The message was simple. I could not think of us as a mistake, but if that was what we were to her, then she should know that she would be the best mistake I ever made.
On Tuesday I tried very hard to respect Bella’s need for withhold in our communication. We spoke only when required to complete the assignment. Still she refused to look at me and I lost count of the number of time I suppressed the urge to lift her chin up so I could look into her eyes. It was agonizing, but I endured for the sake of us, holding tightly to the words she’d spoken to Charlie about her feelings for me. Mr. Banner could see that we were not completing the assignment as intended and accused us of not working together. Bella tried to take the blame but I could not allow it. I was as much at fault as she was. We landed in detention for two days. I wasn’t upset by the prospect of two extra hours with Bella but I began to wonder if she suspected that I had spoken up to procure further time with her. I resigned myself to afford her the space she seemed to crave, sitting as far away from her as the room would allow, although I had the advantage of seeing almost every change in her expression through the other detention students. She looked over at me a number of times and I took solace in it. She was betraying her feelings for me whether she realized it or not.
The sentiment in my note that day was more personal to me than yesterday’s. I was remembering the profound gesture of her taking my hand in spite of her discomfort. What I wouldn’t give to be able to take her hand and ask her to come back to me the way she had to me last week, and even more for her to let me.
On Wednesday Alice found Bella at lunch. I pushed Alice’s voice out of my head to give them some privacy. Alice was angry with me for distancing myself from her, but it was for the best. There was a part of me that wanted the aide of Alice’s visions to help show me the way, but the larger part wanted to figure things out with Bella without interference and bias from anyone. Biology was much the same as yesterday, but with a little more talking to keep Mr. Banner off of our backs. Just as I did yesterday and the day before, I asked her if I could walk her to gym, just so she would know that I still desired her company in spite of everything. I never expected her to accept and she never did.
Bella looked excessively irritated during detention that day. It took all the control I had not to ask her what was bothering her, particularly during her frequent glances in my direction. I was shocked when I found her waiting outside in the hallway when detention was dismissed. Her expression was a mix of anger and discomfort. She wasted no time making small talk and got right to her point. “I was wondering if you were going on the ski trip this weekend?”
I had purposefully refrained from making a decision about going, struggling with my desire to watch out for Bella and to give her the space she desired. There was also the added problem of Alice. As soon as I made my decision she would see my path. I wasn’t sure if she would share my plans with Bella or not. “Did you want me to?” I wondered. I would have loved to hear an honest answer to my question, but it seemed to aggravate her.
“Don’t fuck with me Cullen. Just answer the goddamn question.” Yes, I had definitely aggravated her, although I wasn’t quite sure how I’d done it so wholly. It was a simple polite query regarding what she wanted, not an exam question asking for a calculus derivative or a demand for world peace.
I tried to redirect my answer so she might see what I was implying by my first question. “I thought this was your time with Alice?”
“Can you ever just answer a question?” I had to bite back a smile as she accused me of not answering her questions when she was doing the same to me. The tone of her voice didn’t even bother me. She wouldn’t get so angry with me if she did not care for me.
“I didn’t sign up for the ski trip.” I gave her the most honest answer I was capable of, although I wasn’t able to hold back my smirk. I made sure to leave room to go on the trip if I chose to with the way I worded my answer, so that I could not be accused of lying. She began to leave but suddenly turned back to me.
“You could have just said ‘no’ and made this easier for me.” My eyes followed her down the hallway as she walked away for good this time. I suppose I could have done that. I thought that I was making things easier for her, but perhaps I still had not gone far enough. I resolved to pull back further, as unhappy as it made me to do so. I wondered if my note would make her even angrier today, given her mood. It was a simple sentiment. I was still having great difficulty accepting the idea that Bella saw us as a mistake, but I wanted her to know that if we were, we were a mistake worth making. What we stood to gain was so much greater than any risk, at least to me.
Thursday was a dreadful day. I said nothing to her at all and it almost broke me. Would she know that I was only trying to make things easier for her as she had asked? I didn’t bother to ask to walk her to gym, worried that it would increase her irritation and make her pull back further. Even watching her through the eyes of her classmates did nothing to soothe my nerves. The distance between us was killing me.
I used my note that day to show her how much I valued her place in my life. I wanted to convey that I would give anything for the opportunity of one more chance to win her back, even if it meant starting from square one with her.
Friday she seemed impossibly more withdrawn and upset. I almost gave up my new approach entirely a dozen times that day. I remembered thinking when we first met how horrible her detached blank expression was. I would have taken that expression in place of the pained and almost defeated expression that tainted her features today. I fought the urge to caress her hair and stroke the back of her hand and a hundred other soothing gestures over the course of our hour together.
With my last chance to reach out to her before her weekend away, I made sure she would go skiing knowing exactly how I felt. The words were simple, “I need you. I miss you. Please don’t run away from me Bella.”
I waited for Alice to leave to pick up Bella before I even contemplated taking the trip. I really wanted to do what was right for Bella, and she believed that being away from me was important. If she hadn’t seemed distraught today it might have been easier to consider leaving her to her weekend with Alice, but she did. I was torn.
I had made my family aware of my interest in Bella a few nights prior. It had become obvious that the pressure of keeping my secret was getting to Alice so I called a family meeting to explain my behaviour. Only Alice knew the true depth of my feelings for her, but the rest knew I cared for her. Jasper found my interest in Bella curious because she was a human, but I think he was more open to the idea given Alice’s fondness for her. He was wary though, and it would be a test of his will to be around her. Emmett found everything about the situation humorous, particularly that I would be the one to court a human given my disdain of the human mind. I didn’t bother to defend her to him. He would make up his own mind regardless of my opinions. Rosalie hadn’t spoken to me since that night, and that was fine with me. I’d had enough of her ridicule and petty debasements about five minutes after delivering my news. I loved my sister, but her idiosyncrasies were vain and self-centred and I could not be bothered trying deal with them let alone understand them. My mother and father were outwardly pleased but cautiously concerned. I planned to more fully tell them the story when I found time but since my announcement I was a frequent topic of conversation and discussion between them.
At a smaller physical distance, I would have been able to use my sibling’s minds to watch Bella, but it was just not an option here. Knowing Emmett and Jasper would be there to help look after her gave me little comfort. Ultimately, I felt the responsibility for Bella’s care should rest with me, and that the deciding factor that pushed me to make the trip to Snoqualmie Pass.
Everyone was already skiing by the time I arrived. Bella seemed to be having fun with Jasper and Alice. I was relieved to see her face clear of the sadness that had plagued it earlier. It was tempting to use the excuse of an hour of skiing before the slopes closed to get a closer look at Bella’s happiness but I refrained. Bella deserved the peace. Alice would know that I’d come so I waited for her arrival, mentally preparing myself for the earful she would give me.
I panicked when I saw Bella leaving Alice and Jasper, uncomfortable with the idea of her travelling alone. The large crowd seemed to be largely ignoring her. Anxious, I furiously scanned minds and caught only glimpses of her as she blended into the crowd waiting for the shuttle. I snuck to the end of the hallway to watch for her arrival. When she exited the shuttle she seemed disconcerted about something. I followed her line of sight and understood immediately that she had seen my car and was upset I was there. It was not the reaction I had wished for. Morose, I went back to my room to wait for Alice.
Alice didn’t keep me waiting. She was calling me out angrily before she even got back to the hotel. ‘Are you trying to make her hate you Edward? You said you weren’t coming. Do you have any idea how much damage control I’m going to have to do? I’m going to check on her and then I’m coming for you. Consider yourself forewarned.’
I probably should have allowed them some privacy but I was worried about Bella being angry with me for being there. Alice greeted her softly. Bella rolled to face her with an apathetic expression on her features.
“Hey.”
“I take it you know?” Alice wondered.
“Saw his car,” Bella admitted quietly.
“I’m sorry Bella. It must have been a last minute decision to come. I swear to you if I had known I would have told you.”
“It’s okay,” Bella whispered abjectly.
“I’m going to go talk to him Bella and tell him to leave you alone.”
“You don’t have to do that Alice.”
“I don’t know about you Bella but I’m angry with him. He had no right to come here.”
“He had as much right as I did. And I don’t want to put you in the middle. Just go and be with your brother Alice.”
“Uh, no. I came to be with you Bella. Not him. I’ll tell him to leave us both alone.”
“I’m really sorry,” Bella whispered.
“Sorry? What have you done to be sorry about?”
“I just hate that you are being dragged into this whole ridiculous fucking situation. Now I’ve ruined your weekend and probably fucked up your relationship with your brother.”
Alice sat down on the bed beside Bella and covered Bella’s hand with her own. “Listen kiddo, you haven’t ruined anything. I don’t have a clue what’s going on between the two of you and it’s none of my business. If you want my help, I’m here. If you want me to ignore the crap out of my brother this weekend, I’m all over it like white on rice. I just want you to be happy. You deserve a break Bella. Don’t let him take that away from you.”
“Can we just ignore the fact he’s here? Just pretend we don’t know that he came?”
“If that’s what you want, sure. But you’re aware that you’re going to have to deal with him eventually, right? I mean he’s not just going to go away. And I’d much rather go talk to him and tell him to steer clear of us, just to be sure that he knows that I’ll rip him limb from limb if he tries to bother you.” I laughed out loud at her very pointed comment for my benefit. She knew I would be listening.
“Alice,” Bella whispered, her voice hoarse with emotion, “I don’t have any family, and I really don’t want to come in between you and yours.”
“You won’t sweetie. Edward needs to understand that he doesn’t have control over everything, and I’m just the one to deliver the message to him. You sit tight. I’ll be back in a few minutes and we can get back to our weekend.” Bella looked reluctant but Alice just patted her hand and left. She prattled on the whole way to my room, likely trying to keep me out of her thoughts. I heard her knock on the door.
“It’s open,” I called. She walked in glaring at me but I didn’t let her speak. “I know you’re angry and that Bella is none too pleased that I’m here. I promise I won’t get in your way. I just wanted to make sure that she’s safe.”
“That’s what they invented phones for Edward.”
“You know that’s not the same as seeing it for myself. Besides, you should understand better than most that when it comes to Bella and I nothing is ever as easy as a telephone call.”
“You should have just let her be this weekend Edward. She deserves a break.”
“I promise you that unless she asks me to talk to her, you won’t even know I’m here. Think about it Alice. Would I risk making things worse between Bella and me?”
“Gee Edward, I don’t know…how would I know what you would or wouldn’t risk since you’ve so conveniently left me out of the loop?”
“Would you want me in the middle of you and Jasper?”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“It’s exactly the same thing. This is between Bella and me. The two of us have to find a way to work things out if we ever have a hope of making it.”
“What do you want me to tell her? She’s going to want to know why you’re here.”
“Well you can do one of two things. You can tell her the truth. Tell her that I love her and that I’m here to make sure that she’s safe since I can’t read her mind and you were too far away from Forks for me to read your mind,” I smirked. “Or you can tell her that Emmett asked for my company and I felt badly that Rosalie wouldn’t come skiing with him, and that I didn’t make my decision to come until the last minute, worried about how she might react.”
“Is that the truth?”
“It’s not the reason I came. We both know that, but there is truth in it, and since we can’t tell her the whole truth, I think some truth is better than none.”
“And I have your word that you’ll stay clear of her?”
“Yes Alice.”
“I’m trusting you,” she mumbled, turning and leaving.
While Alice waited for the elevator, I realized what her night would be like. Bella would need to sleep and poor Alice would be trapped in the hotel room with her.
‘Don’t even think about it Edward,’ she scolded me from the hallway. ‘Bella needs her sleep, not you watching her. I’ll go next door to Jasper’s. You stay in your room like you promised.’ I loved my sister, but sometimes her visions were annoying.
It was harder than I thought it would be staying away from Bella that night, knowing she was in the same hotel as me, the next floor down and a few rooms away. I thought knowing she was safe would be enough for me, but it wasn’t. Alice checked in with me every couple of hours after looking in on Bella, just to assure me that Bella was fine and to warn me to stay away. It was amazingly difficult to decline the invitation from my brothers to go hang out with them. I wanted to be there, where Bella would be in the next room, but I knew it would be like emotional sabotage. She didn’t want me there and she had a right to feel safe, and to have her concerns heard and respected. As much as I wanted to be near her I couldn’t. I knew my desires well enough to recognize that the closer I got to her the closer I would want to be. I had to fight with that part of me all night but I stuck by my word and stayed away.
I watched Jasper and Alice leave with Bella the next morning, and observed them at her side helping familiarize her with her skis and with falling, a lot. I struggled with my jealousy, wanting to be the one laughing with her and helping her up when she fell. When Emmett showed up at my door and begged me to ski with him I accepted. I knew Emmett would want to stick to the more advanced slopes and there would be little risk of me crossing paths with Bella. I felt my jealousy ease a small amount in being nearer her.
It was a perfect day for skiing. The winds were almost nonexistent and the snow that had come down over night provided a fresh powder layer that we could dig our skis into. Emmett and I had raced almost every trail in the Alpental and were considering traversing the backcountry when I felt a sudden unease. It was nothing specific, just a sense that something was wrong. I scanned for Alice and Jasper and they were both fine, as was Bella. I couldn’t shake the feeling though and made my regrets to Emmett. He headed off towards the Upper International trail for another run while I made my way to Summit West to loiter in the shops and restaurants, hoping to catch a glimpse of Bella. There were plenty of people around so I would blend in; she would not see me. I spent a good hour watching and waiting and hoping she might show up. She never did. I had assumed the easier trails would have kept them in Summit West but I was beginning to worry. Finally, too restless to wait around any longer I moved over to Summit Central. I found Jasper and Alice easily and waited from the to get to the bottom of the trail.
“Where’s Bella?”
“She went off by herself,” Jasper informed me with a smile. “You should see how well she’s taken to her skis Edward. You’d be proud.” He was excited for her. It was rewarding on some level that he was so congenial towards her, and I tried to hold on to that feeling while his words registered and alarmed me.
My eyes shot to Alice. “You let her go by herself?” I asked disbelievingly.
“She insisted Edward. I’m her friend, not her keeper. She wanted to try a trail or two by herself. She’s earned it. You have no idea how hard she’s worked today.” Alice’s mental tone was defensive. I’d insulted her. ‘Calm down Edward. Don’t overreact.’
I backed off my emotions as much as I was able because Alice was right. I was overreacting. “I’ve been watching,” I smiled, “but she shouldn’t ski alone. No one should. You both know that.” I tried to hide my concern in a warning but I don’t think I fooled either of them. “I’m going to go look for her.”
“Edward no,” Alice chided. “You promised.”
“I just want to make sure she’s safe Alice. I’ll stay far enough away that she won’t even see me.”
“But Edward…”
“I don’t need your permission Alice,” I growled. I probably should have told her about my sense that something was wrong but she would have just told me I was making excuses, and perhaps I was.
“Edward,” Jasper warned. He didn’t like the way I’d spoken to Alice. He had every right to be angry with me.
“Sorry. Alice…I have to go. I know you don’t want me to do this but I have to.” And I was off.
I combed every trail in Summit Central and by the end of an hour and a half I had covered all sixteen of the most advanced trails, taking extra time to scan for her where the advanced trails crossed with the less advanced ones. There was no sign of her on any of them. I went down to the central base area and found Jasper and Alice. They still hadn’t seen Bella. I began to panic.
“Do you see anything Alice…anything?” I pleaded. I watched as she focused forward, sheltering her head against Jasper’s chest and pushing her mind into the future. There were no images of Bella, nothing concrete or the least bit helpful to aide in pinpointing her location. I felt an overwhelming sense of dread. We should have been able to see something.
“I don’t know what to tell you Edward. I can’t see anything,” Alice whispered. “If something had happened I would be able to see it. I’m sure it’s nothing.” She tried to sound supportive but her worried mental tone betrayed her false assuredness.
I sent Alice and Jasper to find Emmett and get him looking for Bella, and I headed back out. The unease I felt earlier had returned tenfold and I could finally put a reason to it. It was the smell in the air. There was a storm approaching. It would be nothing for experienced skiers but Bella was not amply prepared for it. I kept a faithful eye on Alice’s thoughts as she scanned for Bella and the longer her thoughts turned up void of Bella the more uncomfortable I became.
I had already covered the western half of Summit Central amply so I headed up towards the eastern boundaries near the crossover to Summit East as the storm broke. The area was much more tree-covered and closed off than the western half of the summit. After several runs turned up no signs of her, I decided to check Tanner’s Pass in case she had somehow taken a wrong turn in that direction. It was a dangerous place for an inexperienced skier with its narrow passageways that cross cut the larger trails. Almost immediately I picked up her scent. If she wasn’t in the area, she had passed by the trail very recently. I was so caught up in my panic that the strength of her scent didn’t register, and when it finally did I stopped dead in my tracks. It wasn’t just her scent; it was her blood that I smelled. In the brief moment it took me to gather myself a hundred thoughts raced through my head. I braced myself for the monster in me to roar. He did not. I suppose my anguished worry over Bella’s well-being prevented him from engaging, but I did not care to know the reasons. I questioned my strength, my sanity, my will and my nature, but the only thing that mattered to me was finding Bella. I dug my skis in and slid along slowly, scanning the trees and following the powerfully pungent smell of her blood. Finally I saw her, a good fifty feet into the trees, lying on her side in the snow.
“Bella,” I called, accelerating towards her. She did not answer me. “Bella,” I yelled louder. No answer. I used my poles to snap my boots out of the ski’s bindings and ran to her. Every medical instinct I had evaporated as I approached her. I leaned over her body in a panic, brushing her hair off of her face and inadvertently revealing the source of the blood, a medium sized head wound located over her left eye. “Bella,” I whispered. “Can you hear me?” Her eyes remained closed. “Bella, please,” I pleaded, “open your eyes and show me that you’re okay.” If I were capable of tears they would have been pouring from my eyes. I was absolutely beside myself. The only thing that stopped me from grabbing her up and running with her body was my inability to ascertain whether or not she could be moved safely. I ran my hand over her forehead and down along her cheek, cupping the side of her face tenderly. “Please Bella,” I begged. “Just open your eyes.” Her breathing was deep and even and absolutely the opposite of mine. “Please just be okay,” I murmured, staring at her face and watching for any change that might register. “Please open your eyes if you can hear me Bella,” I implored.
Rather than open her eyes, they squeezed more tightly shut and I cried out in divine relief. “Bella, are you okay? Can you hear me sweetheart? Open your eyes please?” I begged shamelessly.
“Ow,” she murmured.
“Where does it hurt?” I beseeched.
“My head,” she rasped, “and my left leg.” My hands flew down her body to check her leg for broken bones.
“Does this hurt?” I asked as I squeezed and moved her leg gingerly.
“No, ow, no, ow! Okay yes, ow.”
“Bella, your leg may be broken. We need to get it x-rayed.” I grabbed her broken ski and snapped what was left of it in two, pulling my scarf from around my neck to tie the pieces into a makeshift splint.
“I don’t think I can walk,” she admitted quietly, still not opening her eyes.
“I’ll carry you if you’ll allow it?”
“Yes please.” Just like I had the night in the clearing, I scooped her up and tucked her head into my neck, being careful to keep her as still as possible to protect her leg, and I began to walk.
“What happened Bella?” I asked, hoping she’d speak so I could focus on the sound of her voice rather than the overwhelming smell of her blood pressed so close to my face. Her tiny arms came out to hold on to me, and it was the pressure of her tiny hands curled around my neck that re-centered me. The lure of her blood dissolved. She was afraid and in pain and her well-being was the only thing that mattered.
“I got cut off by some guy who was crossing the pass. I corrected my skis but couldn’t get them turned back towards the trail fast enough. The passage way was so narrow and I got caught up in the trees. I think I hit my head.”
“Well you definitely did something to your head. You’ve got an inch and a half gash above your left eye. Did you lose consciousness?”
“I’m not sure, maybe?” she allowed. “I don’t actually remember hitting my head, just thinking I was going to.” That’s why Alice couldn’t find her. She was unconscious.
“You shouldn’t have gone off by yourself. It’s not safe to ski by yourself. Jasper and Alice should have taught you that.”
“They deserved some time alone,” she whispered.
“Don’t you know what it would have done to me if you’d been seriously hurt?” I murmured apprehensively, subconsciously pulling her tighter to me. She shook her head and then nuzzled it more deeply into my neck. The sensation almost brought me to my knees. The feel of her in my arms mixed with knowing she was mostly all right and a little bit of affection from her set off every loving instinct in my body. “Does it hurt?”
“Yes, and don’t you go thinking I don’t know that you lied to me,” she charged softly, lifting her chin towards my face so she could look at me. Her eyes were finally opened.
“What?” I laughed, relieved to see no anger or distance in her beautiful brown eyes.
“You said you weren’t coming.”
“No, I said I didn’t sign up for the ski trip, which I didn’t. I came on my own.”
“Need to be right,” she murmured, pushing her head back into my neck. I smiled. In this case she was one hundred percent right.
I brought her directly to first aid. Alice would have seen me make the decision. She would know where to find us. Bella had to be transported to the local hospital to be x-rayed and Alice rode with her in the ambulance. I went back up the hill to get the equipment we’d left behind and then went to the hospital to help fill out the paperwork. Bella’s tibia was broken, and I made sure that she was fitted with a removable plastic walker cast so she would be more comfortable. The fracture was hairline and extremely minor; I checked the x-rays myself. I also checked her head CT that showed a minor concussion. I gave Alice my keys and told her to take Bella back to the hotel to rest and call Charlie. I followed behind once the bill was paid and headed to Bella’s room to check on her. Jasper was waiting for me, looking rather sheepish and guilty. “She’s not here,” he whispered.
“Where?” I asked, my face twisted in misunderstanding.
“Alice said she insisted on waiting for you in your room.”
“Oh,” I whispered, stunned.
“I’m sorry Edward.”
“She’s fine Jasper. That’s all that matters.”
“You love her don’t you?” he wondered. He didn’t expect me to answer nor did I believe he needed me to.
“More than anything else on this Earth.”
“For what it’s worth, I believe she cares for you.” The notion meant a lot coming from Jasper, whose keen sense of emotional awareness was his greatest asset. He must have picked something up from her after they returned from the hospital.
“Thanks Jasper, and thank you for helping look for her. I should have been more upfront about Bella’s proclivity to clumsiness.” I smiled at his smirk and left to find Bella. I didn’t bother to wait for the elevator, taking the stairs four at a time, anxious to get to her.
Part two is here