Out of Choices - Chapter 22 Part 2
Title: Out Of Choices
Chapter 22: Rescue (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.1, 19.2, 20, 21)
Author:JCAddict/picklewinkle/Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count: 12,883
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: An angry young woman is forced to move to the town of Forks, Washington and decides that alone is the best way to be. She buries her heart and puts on a tough façade that very few people are able to break through. Can the love of a teenage vampire get through to the lost girl inside? AU (alternative universe) and OOC (out of character). Bella is uber OOC. Edward, not so much.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. I'm just manipulating them like imaginary playdoh so I feel like I have some power over them **snorts**
22. Rescue
Part one is here
Part 2:
I knocked softly on the door, feeling cautious about invading Bella’s space despite the fact that she was in my room. She might just want to speak to me about infringing on her weekend. I had no reason to hope her object in being here would be anything positive, but I hoped it would be in spite of myself.
Alice answered the door. ‘She’s been waiting for you, refusing to sleep until she gets to speak with you.’ A subtle smile came to her lips. “Come on in Edward.” She turned her head to speak to Bella. “Bella, Edward is here. Is it okay if he comes in to speak to you?”
“Yes please,” she rasped.
I wanted to run to her but my feet dragged, heavy and slow. I was stuck between two conflicting emotions, elation to be near her and fear that she might push me away again. Choosing to stay away from her of my own accord was one thing, being pushed away by her was wholly another. I stilled at the foot of the bed. She was lying propped up on the pillows, all of her hair gathered over one shoulder and smoothed away from the laceration on her forehead that was now closed with twelve sutures. I studied the doctor’s horizontal mattress stitches. He’d done a meticulous job. It would keep the scarring down immensely.
“What are you looking at?” she asked, bringing her hand up subconsciously to cover the cut.
“I was counting the sutures,” I admitted. “The doctor did a good job with them.” I smiled, trying to smooth out my expression and hide my ineptitude. “I apologize if my staring made you uncomfortable. How are you feeling?”
“Did you want to sit down?” she offered quietly. I didn’t really want to but I wondered if it might make her more comfortable, so I moved across the room to sit in the chair by the window. Her brow furrowed a little while she watched me. Had I misinterpreted her question?
“You didn’t say how you were feeling?” I asked again.
“I feel a bit like Frankenstein,” she admitted, bringing her hand to cover her cut again as her eyes darted from me to her leg, up to her hand and back to me. “I guess I don’t do anything half-assed, even if it’s something as idiotic as smacking my head on a tree.”
“The Doctor thinks that’s probably what cut her forehead and gave her the concussion,” Alice informed me, for Bella’s benefit of course. She’d seen me looking at Bella’s x-rays.
“The tree knocked me unconscious and the fall broke my leg,” Bella added, chuckling at herself. “Charlie was practically howling when I told him.”
Alice took a seat beside Bella on the bed and patted her shoulder. “Did you want something to eat Bella?”
“I’m not really hungry, but I’d love something to drink. Maybe a coke? I think I saw a machine in the lobby.” I hadn’t thought to offer her anything. I had no idea how often a human needed to eat or drink.
“I’ll go,” I offered, trying to make up for my lapse in judgement.
“No,” Bella blurted, grabbing Alice’s hand. “Alice doesn’t mind going, do you Alice?”
“Not at all,” she agreed. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She smiled at Bella and then turned towards me. ‘Behave yourself while I’m gone,’ she warned. I smiled in agreement and watched her leave the room, waiting for the soft click of the door before I spoke again.
“Are you warm enough? There’s an extra blanket in the cupboard.” I didn’t wait for her reply, on my feet and crossing the room while I asked the question. I pulled the blanket out and brought it over to her, partially unfolding it between my hands nervously. I felt so unsure of myself, battling with the urge to spill my feelings but afraid to push her too far, wanting things between us to be more than what they were but happy to settle for what this was in place of how we’d spent the week ignoring one another. I draped the blanket over her injured leg gently, being careful to respect her wishes and not touch her. I was afraid to even look her in the face. Instead my eyes watched my hands as they lingered on the edges of the blanket, pulling and adjusting it over her cast. Her tiny hand came out to touch mine gently. The warmth and sensation of her touch spread through me like a slow poison, numbing and paralysing me. I felt like an imbecile, unconfident in my instincts, afraid to say or do the wrong thing and upset her, and not reacting was also wrong. I knew it. I didn’t want to dissuade her efforts any more than I wanted to impede them. “I’m sorry Bella,” I murmured, finally daring to look at her. She pulled her hand away from me and I immediately regretted my words.
“You don’t have to say sorry,” she mumbled, her face drawn into a half pout as she watched her hands fidget restlessly in her lap.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. Her eyes shot up to mine, and her expression was pained. Every word I spoke seemed to have the opposite effect of what I intended it to. I was going to have to start speaking my thoughts more fully if we were ever going to get through this conversation. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“When you asked me to sit down a minute ago, I did, but it didn’t seem to make you happy.” She looked away from me, blushing and watched her hands again. “But you seemed happy when Alice sat down beside you. Is that what you intended? For me to sit beside you on the bed?” She nodded, still not looking up. I sat down on the edge of the bed beside her hip. “Like this?” Her eyes moved to mine slowly and she smiled. “I want you to be comfortable Bella…I want you to be happy. I don’t want to be a source of unease or stress for you.”
“You’re not,” she assured me softly, and although I realized she was oversimplifying our situation, it felt marvellous to hear her admit that I wasn’t just an annoyance.
“How are you feeling?” I asked her again, hoping she’d give me more details. “Does it hurt?”
“A little,” she admitted. “The gash isn’t so bad, but my head hurts and my leg is throbbing a bit.”
“Did you take the medicine the doctor prescribed?”
“No, I didn’t want it to make me sleepy.”
“Why? You need your rest.” She rolled her eyes at me and I rephrased my comment. “With a broken bone, a concussion and stitches, your body could use the rest to help in the healing process.”
“If I go to sleep you’ll leave, and I don’t want you to.” Her admission stunned me. I couldn’t hold back my smile.
“If you want me to stay here with you, I will. Someone needs to stay with you to make sure your concussion symptoms aren’t getting any worse anyway.”
“Oh,” she huffed.
Another unintentional affront. Again I tried to rephrase my thought to make my intentions more clear. “I would like very much to stay here and take care of you, as long as you’re okay with that. If you’d prefer Alice did it, it wouldn’t offend me.”
“I’d like to stay right here…with you. Is that okay?”
“Better than okay, only I think we need to get you back down to your room.”
She seemed upset, her lips rounding into a pout. “Why?”
“For one, you should put on something comfortable to sleep in, because you will be going to sleep,” I informed her with a smirk. “It’s going to be hard enough to sleep with the cast and the pain. You don’t need your clothing making you uncomfortable as well. Secondly, isn’t Mrs. Cope going to check on your before curfew?” I raised an accusatory eyebrow at her and waited for her to fight me.
“So if I refuse does that mean you’re going to kick me out?” she retorted, smirking. “Okay fine, you’re right. You were just dying to hear me say that shit weren’t you?”
“Well I don’t think it’s something I’m going to hear a lot from you,” I teased, feeling lighter than I’d felt all week. She started to pull herself up with her arms, dragging her leg off the pillows and shifting her body upwards. “What do you think you’re doing?” I questioned brusquely, moving my hand to her stomach to still her. In my haste I’d forgotten myself for a moment and reached out for her in a very natural gesture that was anything but natural for the two of us. The electricity surged between us, and I braced myself for her anger but it never came. She just looked at me wide eyed and frozen. “Sorry…” I closed my eyes for a moment and shook my head, pulling my hand back to my side. “I know you don’t want to be touched. It’s very hard for me…it goes against my natural instincts.”
“Natural instincts?” she asked, her eyes still wide and questioning.
“To touch you,” I whispered softly, dropping my eyes from hers. “It’s very difficult for me to be so near to you and not reach out for you, and yet, that’s exactly what you’ve asked of me. I’m trying…honestly.”
“Why is it difficult?” she wondered innocently.
“You really don’t understand how much you mean to me, do you?” I murmured, all of my emotions dangerously close to breaking through the surface. “There’s only one thing that I’m absolutely sure about when it comes to you Bella, and that’s how I feel about you.” I tried to hide my intensity but I’m sure I failed.
She placed her hand lightly on my forearm and spoke without looking at me. “You don’t have to work so hard to keep your distance Edward. I shouldn’t have let you…what I mean is…I should have been more clear...” She hesitated nervously for a moment, and then looked up at me from underneath her lashes. I doubted that she had any idea how entirely immobilized I was by her gaze. “I like it when you touch me,” she whispered softly. The relief in her words was indescribable. I let my finger slide towards her body, lightly tracing a path up her hip with a barely there touch, testing and confirming her permission and my approbation. A subtle smile flirted at the edges of her lips and I was spellbound, captivated by her unspeakable beauty.
“Thank you for telling me. After everything that’s happened…” I searched for the right words as I stared down at her tiny fingers brushing along my arm, wondering if she had any idea what she was stirring in me with her simple caress. “It’s just that when you touch me, I know what I want it to mean, but I don’t want to make assumptions about your intentions. We’ve done this dance enough times for me to know that I have to let you lead.”
“Let me lead?” she wondered.
“I don’t want to react improperly or do something to you that you don’t want. I’m trying very hard to listen to what you say and give you what you ask for.”
She pulled her hand away. “You make it sound like I’m fucking impossible or something.” The shift in her tone was explicit, her voice thick with sarcasm to hide her hurt feelings.
“I didn’t mean to make it sound that way,” I assured her softly. “It’s an impossible situation to be in…to want to be with you more than anything but to stay away from you because that’s what you want.”
“I don’t want you to stay away from me,” she assured me, surprised.
“I would do anything for you, including staying away from you if that’s what you wanted. Your happiness is the only thing that matters to me.”
“But I don’t want you to stay away from me,” she insisted. She always saw things in terms of what she didn’t want, when what I needed was to know what she did want.
“In this minute you’re sure of what you want, but if I say or do the wrong thing, will you feel differently?”
“I haven’t been very fair to you,” she whispered.
“This isn’t about fairness Bella. We’re going to make mistakes, but I need to know…”
“What?” she asked. Her eyes were dark and earnest as they searched my face for some hint of my thoughts.
“Am I hoping for something that’s never going to happen?” I murmured. I had to look away from her face, terrified of speaking the words and hearing her answer. “I need to know what you want.”
“I want you.” The honesty of her uncomplicated answer shocked me. I never expected that she would admit her feelings to me. My eyes found hers and locked on them, drowning in their liquid intensity. “I’ve always wanted you. I just didn’t believe you wanted me.” Her voice was hushed and breathy, every word laced with vulnerability and fear.
“I’ve always wanted you Bella,” I whispered assuredly. “You’re the only thing that matters to me.”
“I know I’m complicated and broken and I probably don’t deserve you…and I can’t promise you that I won’t be difficult…but you have my heart.”
“And you have mine. But I want all of you Bella, not just your heart. I want every bit of you…the complicated parts and the broken parts and the parts that feel undeserving. Don’t you see?” My voice was rough with the weight of my emotions. I reached for her hand and rubbed my thumb along her silky skin to soothe my nerves. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she whispered softly. There was nothing but softness and light in her eyes as she stared back at me with the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen grace her lips. I raised her hand to my mouth and kissed it softly, closing my eyes and savouring the sweetness of the moment.
She loved me.
“I can’t even find the words…” I began, searching for a way to express the bliss contained within her words. “I never expected…”
“Love is funny like that. It sneaks up on you when you’re not expecting it.”
“And you’re sure?” I questioned sincerely.
“No, I just said it so you’d kiss me. Since that didn’t work I take it back” she snarked.
“No you won’t,” I warned, sliding my body closer to her. I released her hand and cupped her cheeks between my fingers, leaning in to kiss her waiting lips. They were soft and sweet beneath my own, yielding and giving and full of hope. I was completely enraptured in our connection. Her pouting lips pressed back into mine with fervour and passion and reiterated the loving message of her words. My hand slid to her neck and massaged it gently, taking pleasure in the tiny moan that escaped her lips and in the sexiness of her glossy smooth hair beneath my fingertips. I reluctantly pulled back after a few more moments, worried about pushing her too hard after her long day. She whimpered a complaint and pressed her lips back into mine, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth and raking her teeth along it. I groaned against her mouth, louder than I wanted to, and felt her smile in response. She knew exactly what she was doing, and my reaction was exactly what she wanted.
“I’m sure,” she whispered. “One hundred percent, without a doubt sure that I love you Edward Cullen.”
“You don’t know how sweet that sounds to me,” I murmured, kissing her lips one more time before completely pulling back from her. “I would love to kiss you like that all night Bella Swan, but we need to get you downstairs.”
“I’d rather stay here and have you kiss me like that all night,” she informed me with a grin, “but I know you well enough to know that you aren’t going to let me get away with that.”
“Before you go getting any ideas, will you allow me to carry you?”
She burst out laughing. “Why?”
“It’s just that it’s not safe for you to walk, not without crutches. Besides, it’s faster if you let me carry you, and the faster we get you changed and curfew checked, the sooner I can bring you back here.”
“I like the sound of that,” she admitted.
I got up and carefully gathered her up into my arms, keeping her left side to my body to protect her leg. I still felt a thrill as her arms came up and curled around my neck. It was heavenly holding her so close. When she rested her head on my shoulder I let my head drop and planted my cheek on the top of her head, inhaling deeply and breathing her in. “I love you,” I whispered. She hummed her acceptance of my words, happy and peaceful, just like I was.
Alice was waiting for us, using Jasper as her excuse for not returning to my room. Bella was all smiles as Alice and her shared their secret glances and quiet giggles. Alice had Bella take her medicine first. As much as I wanted every moment of her night, I knew I couldn’t take it, even if Bella was willing to give it. She would hurt even more in the morning if she didn’t rest. I would be just as happy to watch her sleep as I would have been to talk to her. I excused myself briefly so Alice could help Bella change and hunted down Mrs. Cope to persuasively suggest that she check on Bella so that Bella could get to bed. She was remarkably pliable to my charms. I listened from Jasper’s room as Mrs. Cope fussed over Bella and both Bella and Alice assured her that Bella would be fine and just needed her sleep. I was beginning to lose my patience when Mrs. Cope finally emerged content with Bella’s promises and satisfied that she would rest comfortably that night. I silently promised to make sure of it, only in a much different way than Mrs. Cope intended. I poked my head back into Bella’s room wearing her favourite grin. “Are you ready?” I wasn’t sure what she’d told Alice so I explained that Bella wanted to stay with me and asked if it was okay with her.
“If that’s what Bella wants?” Alice questioned, glancing over at Bella for her approval.
“It will give you some time with Jasper,” Bella offered.
“That’s not an answer Bella,” Alice razzed.
“Yes, that’s what I want,” Bella admitted, blushing.
“See, now was that so hard?”
“Harder than you’d think,” I admitted quietly.
‘Now you know she loves you.’ I blinked a yes. ‘Did it shock you?’ she wondered. I blinked another yes. ‘It had to come from her.’ I watched the images flip in Alice’s head. She’d known for a while and had kept it from me. ‘Just like you said, you had to figure it out between the two of you.’ We exchanged smiles and I kissed her forehead in thanks.
“Thank you for allowing me to take care of Bella tonight.”
“Just make sure she sleeps,” Alice demanded.
“She will,” I promised.
“You guys are fucking doing it again.”
I looked over at Bella. “Doing what?”
“Talking your brother sister shit like I’m not here,” she smirked sarcastically.
I scooped her up again, happy to have her back in my arms again. “Alice just wants to make sure I’m going to take care of you. I’m not the only one who loves you.”
“Good night Alice,” Bella cooed from my shoulder.
“Night Bella,” Alice grinned.
I whisked her out the door, anxious to get her upstairs and have her all to myself again. I could tell she was tired. She hung limply in my arms, almost like dead weight. “How are you feeling?” I whispered softly, bending my head towards hers.
“Happy,” she smiled.
“I meant the leg, but I like hearing that you’re happy.”
“Meh, it’s all right.”
“You’re not fooling me,” I murmured against her ear as I carefully brought her through the doorway of my room. “You’re tired. Is the medicine helping the pain?”
Her head fell back so she could look up at me. “Just put me down before I feel the need to kick to you,” she smirked. I laid her down gently on the bed, adjusting the pillows behind her head before fully releasing her from my arms.
“A simple yes or no would suffice. Violence is never the answer Bella,” I teased, moving down the mattress to adjust the pillows under her cast and cover her with the blanket.
“Where do you think you’re going?” she questioned suspiciously. At first I thought she was joking, using my words against me, but I realized she was very serious when I looked at her face. Did she really think I would leave her?
“I’m not going anywhere, just trying to make sure you’re comfortable. You should get some sleep,” I suggested softly.
“Aren’t you going to sit with me?” she wondered timidly.
“Don’t you think you’ll sleep better if you’re left to yourself?” I’d had a lifetime without sleep so I couldn’t recall what brought sleep, or made it restful or kept one sleeping.
“Edward this bed is fucking huge. Your whole family could sit on it and we’d still be on in different hemispheres.” Watching her morph from shyly vulnerable to brazenly audacious reminded me that speaking her feelings was still difficult for her.
“Bella would you like me to sit on the bed with you?”
“Yes please.” I sat down on the far edge of the bed, opposite her leg. “Closer,” she requested.
I slid up the bed a little. “Better?”
“Closer,” she complained. I moved to sit by her shoulders on the opposite side of the bed. She watched me with pleading eyes, her lips full out pouting now. “Closer.”
“Bella, where do you want me?” I asked directly, rather than play guessing games and risk making her truly upset.
“Will you lie down with me?” she asked, her eyes looking down while her cheeks flushed slightly. I waited for her to relax and look at me before I answered.
“Of course,” I whispered, slipping my body across the mattress to mirror her reclined position. “Just for further reference, that pout of yours is a very powerful tool. I think it could get you almost anything you want.”
She smiled at me. “I’ll remember that.”
“I have no doubt,” I agreed. “Can I get you anything?”
“Nope, I have everything I need right here, a comfy bed, my happy white pills, and you,” she murmured softly, reaching her hand out to touch my arm.
“Good, then sleep.”
“You’re kind of bossy,” she teased. “And I promise I’ll try to sleep if you kiss me.”
“So that’s what we’ve become, already in retrograde, trading threats for promises?” I mocked, sliding closer to her body.
“If it gets you to kiss me then yes. Besides, you have a week of kisses to catch up on.”
“Is that a fact?” I charged, bending forward and lowering my lips onto hers, kissing her softly and chastely.
“Again, I’m working from the whole using whatever is gonna work here, so yes, it’s a fact. Now kiss me dammit!” I smiled widely at her and kissed her lips again. As I began to pull away she whispered, “Kiss me you like you mean it.”
I chuckled against her lips “Touché.”
“You can do that too,” she suggested with an impish grin, raising her head off the pillows to push her lips into mine. I brought my hand up to cup her cheek and ease her back onto the pillows, more than happy to lean over her body and do all the work so she could relax. I could feel the familiar pull, coiling and tensing against my body as we moved closer together. I knew I had to take things slowly. Pushing the limits today of all days would be an irresponsible and selfish thing to do. She needed her rest, although the way she pulled me further into her kiss by fisting her tiny fingers around the hair at the nape of my neck made that fact rather difficult to retain. Her tongue pushed out against my lips and I wanted nothing more than to get completely lost in her.
“Bella, don’t you need to rest?” I whispered, my lips ghosting against hers as I spoke.
“I’m not done kissing you yet,” she complained, and the way her lips vibrated against my own made me question my sanity for trying to get her to stop what she was doing. I was wrestling with my own desires, trying to keep Bella’s well-being in the forefront of my mind. One of us had to put her first, and apparently it wasn’t going to be me, as she took my bottom lip between her teeth and simultaneously sucked my flesh and raked her teeth along it. I relinquished my holdback and pressed my lips against hers with abandon, forsaking my control for pleasure. I was helpless to fight against giving her what she wanted when it was what I wanted too.
When she released my lip, I pushed my tongue out in search of hers, pressing and giving and taking whatever she offered me. She shifted her body awkwardly towards mine, trying to press herself against me without hurting her leg. I could tell it was not comfortable for her by the way her body tensed. I shifted, lengthening my body along hers so she wouldn’t have to work so hard. I heard a tiny whimper and pulled back, unsure if it was in pleasure or pain. Her face was twisted, wincing and resisting the pain. It was definitely pain. “I’m sorry,” I murmured, feeling responsible for hurting her when I should have let my sensibility rule rather than my desire.
“It’s okay,” she rasped. “It’s worth it to be close to you.”
“I think that’s enough kissing for tonight Bella. I’ll stay right here if you wish, but it’s time for you to sleep.”
“Party pooper,” she lamented, pouting out her lip and glancing up at me.
“Even the pout’s not going to help you this time. You promised if I kissed you that you’d try to sleep.”
“Fine,” she grumbled, trying and failing to roll on to her left side. She pushed her hips into the mattress and shifted her shoulders into the pillows trying to find a comfortable position. She was never still for more than a minute or two, twisting and adjusting endlessly trying to reach a position she could relax in. It was hard to watch her discomfort.
“Would you like an arm?” I offered. She nodded and I slid my arm along her shoulders and underneath her neck. She nuzzled into it affectionately and tried again to find comfort where none existed.
“Edward?” she murmured.
“Yes?”
“Would you… it’s just that I normally sleep on my left side and I can’t with this stupid cast. I don’t like to sleep on my right side. It feels wrong, and I was wondering…” She turned to look at me. “Would you help me sleep on my right side?”
“Of course. What do you need me to do?” She didn’t need me to do anything. She rolled towards me, shifting her weight and tucking her tiny head into my shoulder. My arm curled back around her shoulders protectively and she sighed softly.
“Perfect,” she whispered. I could feel her body relax against my side. Her struggling lessened but I still doubted her comfort. I pulled out a pillow from behind my head and dropped it onto my leg.
“Bella, can you lift your cast?”
“I can try. Why?”
“You can rest it on my legs if you want, if it’s comfortable, I mean, well if you’re comfortable sleeping…like that…on me.” I grinned sheepishly, hoping she could look past my pitiful attempt at questioning whether or not she might like to snuggle further into me. She dragged her leg across her body and over onto my legs. I could feel her weight shift into my side and she relaxed instantly. She nuzzled her head into my shoulder one last time and in moments she faded.
“Perfect,” I murmured softly, raising my hand to stroke her hair. I couldn’t dream of wanting anything more than what was curled up against me at that moment.
The night was an exercise in falling in love. I started the evening head over heals for her, but each moment I spent with her I fell further under her spell. I watched her as she slept, studying her features, the miniscule arc of her nose, the parting of her uneven lips, the contour of her cheekbones, her tiny detached earlobes. There wasn’t one thing about her face that I would change. I was in awe of how each imperfection and change somehow combined into consummate perfection. She was utter sweetness and innocence in her periods of peaceful sleep, her expression almost cherubic, her long dark lashes contrasted against her flawless pale skin. Each little squeak and smile that she produced when she dreamed happy dreams took me under. And when her dreams were less happy her face framed the discomfort of them with a furrowed brow and hard-set lips and all I could think was how I wanted to soothe them all away. When I had to wake her to check on her or give her more pain medicine, her face would squish up in the most endearing way, resisting waking up, and her ability to swallow the pills and drop right back off to sleep amazed me. But the best part of the night was simply holding her and feeling her tiny hand resting lightly on my chest. She loved me and there was no greater wonder than that.
A/N: This chapter is the anti-fail, with all of its fluff and wonderfulness, and I hope you can see why I didn’t want to cut it further.
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Chapter 22: Rescue (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.1, 19.2, 20, 21)
Author:JCAddict/picklewinkle/Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count: 12,883
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: An angry young woman is forced to move to the town of Forks, Washington and decides that alone is the best way to be. She buries her heart and puts on a tough façade that very few people are able to break through. Can the love of a teenage vampire get through to the lost girl inside? AU (alternative universe) and OOC (out of character). Bella is uber OOC. Edward, not so much.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. I'm just manipulating them like imaginary playdoh so I feel like I have some power over them **snorts**
22. Rescue
Part one is here
Part 2:
I knocked softly on the door, feeling cautious about invading Bella’s space despite the fact that she was in my room. She might just want to speak to me about infringing on her weekend. I had no reason to hope her object in being here would be anything positive, but I hoped it would be in spite of myself.
Alice answered the door. ‘She’s been waiting for you, refusing to sleep until she gets to speak with you.’ A subtle smile came to her lips. “Come on in Edward.” She turned her head to speak to Bella. “Bella, Edward is here. Is it okay if he comes in to speak to you?”
“Yes please,” she rasped.
I wanted to run to her but my feet dragged, heavy and slow. I was stuck between two conflicting emotions, elation to be near her and fear that she might push me away again. Choosing to stay away from her of my own accord was one thing, being pushed away by her was wholly another. I stilled at the foot of the bed. She was lying propped up on the pillows, all of her hair gathered over one shoulder and smoothed away from the laceration on her forehead that was now closed with twelve sutures. I studied the doctor’s horizontal mattress stitches. He’d done a meticulous job. It would keep the scarring down immensely.
“What are you looking at?” she asked, bringing her hand up subconsciously to cover the cut.
“I was counting the sutures,” I admitted. “The doctor did a good job with them.” I smiled, trying to smooth out my expression and hide my ineptitude. “I apologize if my staring made you uncomfortable. How are you feeling?”
“Did you want to sit down?” she offered quietly. I didn’t really want to but I wondered if it might make her more comfortable, so I moved across the room to sit in the chair by the window. Her brow furrowed a little while she watched me. Had I misinterpreted her question?
“You didn’t say how you were feeling?” I asked again.
“I feel a bit like Frankenstein,” she admitted, bringing her hand to cover her cut again as her eyes darted from me to her leg, up to her hand and back to me. “I guess I don’t do anything half-assed, even if it’s something as idiotic as smacking my head on a tree.”
“The Doctor thinks that’s probably what cut her forehead and gave her the concussion,” Alice informed me, for Bella’s benefit of course. She’d seen me looking at Bella’s x-rays.
“The tree knocked me unconscious and the fall broke my leg,” Bella added, chuckling at herself. “Charlie was practically howling when I told him.”
Alice took a seat beside Bella on the bed and patted her shoulder. “Did you want something to eat Bella?”
“I’m not really hungry, but I’d love something to drink. Maybe a coke? I think I saw a machine in the lobby.” I hadn’t thought to offer her anything. I had no idea how often a human needed to eat or drink.
“I’ll go,” I offered, trying to make up for my lapse in judgement.
“No,” Bella blurted, grabbing Alice’s hand. “Alice doesn’t mind going, do you Alice?”
“Not at all,” she agreed. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She smiled at Bella and then turned towards me. ‘Behave yourself while I’m gone,’ she warned. I smiled in agreement and watched her leave the room, waiting for the soft click of the door before I spoke again.
“Are you warm enough? There’s an extra blanket in the cupboard.” I didn’t wait for her reply, on my feet and crossing the room while I asked the question. I pulled the blanket out and brought it over to her, partially unfolding it between my hands nervously. I felt so unsure of myself, battling with the urge to spill my feelings but afraid to push her too far, wanting things between us to be more than what they were but happy to settle for what this was in place of how we’d spent the week ignoring one another. I draped the blanket over her injured leg gently, being careful to respect her wishes and not touch her. I was afraid to even look her in the face. Instead my eyes watched my hands as they lingered on the edges of the blanket, pulling and adjusting it over her cast. Her tiny hand came out to touch mine gently. The warmth and sensation of her touch spread through me like a slow poison, numbing and paralysing me. I felt like an imbecile, unconfident in my instincts, afraid to say or do the wrong thing and upset her, and not reacting was also wrong. I knew it. I didn’t want to dissuade her efforts any more than I wanted to impede them. “I’m sorry Bella,” I murmured, finally daring to look at her. She pulled her hand away from me and I immediately regretted my words.
“You don’t have to say sorry,” she mumbled, her face drawn into a half pout as she watched her hands fidget restlessly in her lap.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. Her eyes shot up to mine, and her expression was pained. Every word I spoke seemed to have the opposite effect of what I intended it to. I was going to have to start speaking my thoughts more fully if we were ever going to get through this conversation. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“When you asked me to sit down a minute ago, I did, but it didn’t seem to make you happy.” She looked away from me, blushing and watched her hands again. “But you seemed happy when Alice sat down beside you. Is that what you intended? For me to sit beside you on the bed?” She nodded, still not looking up. I sat down on the edge of the bed beside her hip. “Like this?” Her eyes moved to mine slowly and she smiled. “I want you to be comfortable Bella…I want you to be happy. I don’t want to be a source of unease or stress for you.”
“You’re not,” she assured me softly, and although I realized she was oversimplifying our situation, it felt marvellous to hear her admit that I wasn’t just an annoyance.
“How are you feeling?” I asked her again, hoping she’d give me more details. “Does it hurt?”
“A little,” she admitted. “The gash isn’t so bad, but my head hurts and my leg is throbbing a bit.”
“Did you take the medicine the doctor prescribed?”
“No, I didn’t want it to make me sleepy.”
“Why? You need your rest.” She rolled her eyes at me and I rephrased my comment. “With a broken bone, a concussion and stitches, your body could use the rest to help in the healing process.”
“If I go to sleep you’ll leave, and I don’t want you to.” Her admission stunned me. I couldn’t hold back my smile.
“If you want me to stay here with you, I will. Someone needs to stay with you to make sure your concussion symptoms aren’t getting any worse anyway.”
“Oh,” she huffed.
Another unintentional affront. Again I tried to rephrase my thought to make my intentions more clear. “I would like very much to stay here and take care of you, as long as you’re okay with that. If you’d prefer Alice did it, it wouldn’t offend me.”
“I’d like to stay right here…with you. Is that okay?”
“Better than okay, only I think we need to get you back down to your room.”
She seemed upset, her lips rounding into a pout. “Why?”
“For one, you should put on something comfortable to sleep in, because you will be going to sleep,” I informed her with a smirk. “It’s going to be hard enough to sleep with the cast and the pain. You don’t need your clothing making you uncomfortable as well. Secondly, isn’t Mrs. Cope going to check on your before curfew?” I raised an accusatory eyebrow at her and waited for her to fight me.
“So if I refuse does that mean you’re going to kick me out?” she retorted, smirking. “Okay fine, you’re right. You were just dying to hear me say that shit weren’t you?”
“Well I don’t think it’s something I’m going to hear a lot from you,” I teased, feeling lighter than I’d felt all week. She started to pull herself up with her arms, dragging her leg off the pillows and shifting her body upwards. “What do you think you’re doing?” I questioned brusquely, moving my hand to her stomach to still her. In my haste I’d forgotten myself for a moment and reached out for her in a very natural gesture that was anything but natural for the two of us. The electricity surged between us, and I braced myself for her anger but it never came. She just looked at me wide eyed and frozen. “Sorry…” I closed my eyes for a moment and shook my head, pulling my hand back to my side. “I know you don’t want to be touched. It’s very hard for me…it goes against my natural instincts.”
“Natural instincts?” she asked, her eyes still wide and questioning.
“To touch you,” I whispered softly, dropping my eyes from hers. “It’s very difficult for me to be so near to you and not reach out for you, and yet, that’s exactly what you’ve asked of me. I’m trying…honestly.”
“Why is it difficult?” she wondered innocently.
“You really don’t understand how much you mean to me, do you?” I murmured, all of my emotions dangerously close to breaking through the surface. “There’s only one thing that I’m absolutely sure about when it comes to you Bella, and that’s how I feel about you.” I tried to hide my intensity but I’m sure I failed.
She placed her hand lightly on my forearm and spoke without looking at me. “You don’t have to work so hard to keep your distance Edward. I shouldn’t have let you…what I mean is…I should have been more clear...” She hesitated nervously for a moment, and then looked up at me from underneath her lashes. I doubted that she had any idea how entirely immobilized I was by her gaze. “I like it when you touch me,” she whispered softly. The relief in her words was indescribable. I let my finger slide towards her body, lightly tracing a path up her hip with a barely there touch, testing and confirming her permission and my approbation. A subtle smile flirted at the edges of her lips and I was spellbound, captivated by her unspeakable beauty.
“Thank you for telling me. After everything that’s happened…” I searched for the right words as I stared down at her tiny fingers brushing along my arm, wondering if she had any idea what she was stirring in me with her simple caress. “It’s just that when you touch me, I know what I want it to mean, but I don’t want to make assumptions about your intentions. We’ve done this dance enough times for me to know that I have to let you lead.”
“Let me lead?” she wondered.
“I don’t want to react improperly or do something to you that you don’t want. I’m trying very hard to listen to what you say and give you what you ask for.”
She pulled her hand away. “You make it sound like I’m fucking impossible or something.” The shift in her tone was explicit, her voice thick with sarcasm to hide her hurt feelings.
“I didn’t mean to make it sound that way,” I assured her softly. “It’s an impossible situation to be in…to want to be with you more than anything but to stay away from you because that’s what you want.”
“I don’t want you to stay away from me,” she assured me, surprised.
“I would do anything for you, including staying away from you if that’s what you wanted. Your happiness is the only thing that matters to me.”
“But I don’t want you to stay away from me,” she insisted. She always saw things in terms of what she didn’t want, when what I needed was to know what she did want.
“In this minute you’re sure of what you want, but if I say or do the wrong thing, will you feel differently?”
“I haven’t been very fair to you,” she whispered.
“This isn’t about fairness Bella. We’re going to make mistakes, but I need to know…”
“What?” she asked. Her eyes were dark and earnest as they searched my face for some hint of my thoughts.
“Am I hoping for something that’s never going to happen?” I murmured. I had to look away from her face, terrified of speaking the words and hearing her answer. “I need to know what you want.”
“I want you.” The honesty of her uncomplicated answer shocked me. I never expected that she would admit her feelings to me. My eyes found hers and locked on them, drowning in their liquid intensity. “I’ve always wanted you. I just didn’t believe you wanted me.” Her voice was hushed and breathy, every word laced with vulnerability and fear.
“I’ve always wanted you Bella,” I whispered assuredly. “You’re the only thing that matters to me.”
“I know I’m complicated and broken and I probably don’t deserve you…and I can’t promise you that I won’t be difficult…but you have my heart.”
“And you have mine. But I want all of you Bella, not just your heart. I want every bit of you…the complicated parts and the broken parts and the parts that feel undeserving. Don’t you see?” My voice was rough with the weight of my emotions. I reached for her hand and rubbed my thumb along her silky skin to soothe my nerves. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she whispered softly. There was nothing but softness and light in her eyes as she stared back at me with the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen grace her lips. I raised her hand to my mouth and kissed it softly, closing my eyes and savouring the sweetness of the moment.
She loved me.
“I can’t even find the words…” I began, searching for a way to express the bliss contained within her words. “I never expected…”
“Love is funny like that. It sneaks up on you when you’re not expecting it.”
“And you’re sure?” I questioned sincerely.
“No, I just said it so you’d kiss me. Since that didn’t work I take it back” she snarked.
“No you won’t,” I warned, sliding my body closer to her. I released her hand and cupped her cheeks between my fingers, leaning in to kiss her waiting lips. They were soft and sweet beneath my own, yielding and giving and full of hope. I was completely enraptured in our connection. Her pouting lips pressed back into mine with fervour and passion and reiterated the loving message of her words. My hand slid to her neck and massaged it gently, taking pleasure in the tiny moan that escaped her lips and in the sexiness of her glossy smooth hair beneath my fingertips. I reluctantly pulled back after a few more moments, worried about pushing her too hard after her long day. She whimpered a complaint and pressed her lips back into mine, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth and raking her teeth along it. I groaned against her mouth, louder than I wanted to, and felt her smile in response. She knew exactly what she was doing, and my reaction was exactly what she wanted.
“I’m sure,” she whispered. “One hundred percent, without a doubt sure that I love you Edward Cullen.”
“You don’t know how sweet that sounds to me,” I murmured, kissing her lips one more time before completely pulling back from her. “I would love to kiss you like that all night Bella Swan, but we need to get you downstairs.”
“I’d rather stay here and have you kiss me like that all night,” she informed me with a grin, “but I know you well enough to know that you aren’t going to let me get away with that.”
“Before you go getting any ideas, will you allow me to carry you?”
She burst out laughing. “Why?”
“It’s just that it’s not safe for you to walk, not without crutches. Besides, it’s faster if you let me carry you, and the faster we get you changed and curfew checked, the sooner I can bring you back here.”
“I like the sound of that,” she admitted.
I got up and carefully gathered her up into my arms, keeping her left side to my body to protect her leg. I still felt a thrill as her arms came up and curled around my neck. It was heavenly holding her so close. When she rested her head on my shoulder I let my head drop and planted my cheek on the top of her head, inhaling deeply and breathing her in. “I love you,” I whispered. She hummed her acceptance of my words, happy and peaceful, just like I was.
Alice was waiting for us, using Jasper as her excuse for not returning to my room. Bella was all smiles as Alice and her shared their secret glances and quiet giggles. Alice had Bella take her medicine first. As much as I wanted every moment of her night, I knew I couldn’t take it, even if Bella was willing to give it. She would hurt even more in the morning if she didn’t rest. I would be just as happy to watch her sleep as I would have been to talk to her. I excused myself briefly so Alice could help Bella change and hunted down Mrs. Cope to persuasively suggest that she check on Bella so that Bella could get to bed. She was remarkably pliable to my charms. I listened from Jasper’s room as Mrs. Cope fussed over Bella and both Bella and Alice assured her that Bella would be fine and just needed her sleep. I was beginning to lose my patience when Mrs. Cope finally emerged content with Bella’s promises and satisfied that she would rest comfortably that night. I silently promised to make sure of it, only in a much different way than Mrs. Cope intended. I poked my head back into Bella’s room wearing her favourite grin. “Are you ready?” I wasn’t sure what she’d told Alice so I explained that Bella wanted to stay with me and asked if it was okay with her.
“If that’s what Bella wants?” Alice questioned, glancing over at Bella for her approval.
“It will give you some time with Jasper,” Bella offered.
“That’s not an answer Bella,” Alice razzed.
“Yes, that’s what I want,” Bella admitted, blushing.
“See, now was that so hard?”
“Harder than you’d think,” I admitted quietly.
‘Now you know she loves you.’ I blinked a yes. ‘Did it shock you?’ she wondered. I blinked another yes. ‘It had to come from her.’ I watched the images flip in Alice’s head. She’d known for a while and had kept it from me. ‘Just like you said, you had to figure it out between the two of you.’ We exchanged smiles and I kissed her forehead in thanks.
“Thank you for allowing me to take care of Bella tonight.”
“Just make sure she sleeps,” Alice demanded.
“She will,” I promised.
“You guys are fucking doing it again.”
I looked over at Bella. “Doing what?”
“Talking your brother sister shit like I’m not here,” she smirked sarcastically.
I scooped her up again, happy to have her back in my arms again. “Alice just wants to make sure I’m going to take care of you. I’m not the only one who loves you.”
“Good night Alice,” Bella cooed from my shoulder.
“Night Bella,” Alice grinned.
I whisked her out the door, anxious to get her upstairs and have her all to myself again. I could tell she was tired. She hung limply in my arms, almost like dead weight. “How are you feeling?” I whispered softly, bending my head towards hers.
“Happy,” she smiled.
“I meant the leg, but I like hearing that you’re happy.”
“Meh, it’s all right.”
“You’re not fooling me,” I murmured against her ear as I carefully brought her through the doorway of my room. “You’re tired. Is the medicine helping the pain?”
Her head fell back so she could look up at me. “Just put me down before I feel the need to kick to you,” she smirked. I laid her down gently on the bed, adjusting the pillows behind her head before fully releasing her from my arms.
“A simple yes or no would suffice. Violence is never the answer Bella,” I teased, moving down the mattress to adjust the pillows under her cast and cover her with the blanket.
“Where do you think you’re going?” she questioned suspiciously. At first I thought she was joking, using my words against me, but I realized she was very serious when I looked at her face. Did she really think I would leave her?
“I’m not going anywhere, just trying to make sure you’re comfortable. You should get some sleep,” I suggested softly.
“Aren’t you going to sit with me?” she wondered timidly.
“Don’t you think you’ll sleep better if you’re left to yourself?” I’d had a lifetime without sleep so I couldn’t recall what brought sleep, or made it restful or kept one sleeping.
“Edward this bed is fucking huge. Your whole family could sit on it and we’d still be on in different hemispheres.” Watching her morph from shyly vulnerable to brazenly audacious reminded me that speaking her feelings was still difficult for her.
“Bella would you like me to sit on the bed with you?”
“Yes please.” I sat down on the far edge of the bed, opposite her leg. “Closer,” she requested.
I slid up the bed a little. “Better?”
“Closer,” she complained. I moved to sit by her shoulders on the opposite side of the bed. She watched me with pleading eyes, her lips full out pouting now. “Closer.”
“Bella, where do you want me?” I asked directly, rather than play guessing games and risk making her truly upset.
“Will you lie down with me?” she asked, her eyes looking down while her cheeks flushed slightly. I waited for her to relax and look at me before I answered.
“Of course,” I whispered, slipping my body across the mattress to mirror her reclined position. “Just for further reference, that pout of yours is a very powerful tool. I think it could get you almost anything you want.”
She smiled at me. “I’ll remember that.”
“I have no doubt,” I agreed. “Can I get you anything?”
“Nope, I have everything I need right here, a comfy bed, my happy white pills, and you,” she murmured softly, reaching her hand out to touch my arm.
“Good, then sleep.”
“You’re kind of bossy,” she teased. “And I promise I’ll try to sleep if you kiss me.”
“So that’s what we’ve become, already in retrograde, trading threats for promises?” I mocked, sliding closer to her body.
“If it gets you to kiss me then yes. Besides, you have a week of kisses to catch up on.”
“Is that a fact?” I charged, bending forward and lowering my lips onto hers, kissing her softly and chastely.
“Again, I’m working from the whole using whatever is gonna work here, so yes, it’s a fact. Now kiss me dammit!” I smiled widely at her and kissed her lips again. As I began to pull away she whispered, “Kiss me you like you mean it.”
I chuckled against her lips “Touché.”
“You can do that too,” she suggested with an impish grin, raising her head off the pillows to push her lips into mine. I brought my hand up to cup her cheek and ease her back onto the pillows, more than happy to lean over her body and do all the work so she could relax. I could feel the familiar pull, coiling and tensing against my body as we moved closer together. I knew I had to take things slowly. Pushing the limits today of all days would be an irresponsible and selfish thing to do. She needed her rest, although the way she pulled me further into her kiss by fisting her tiny fingers around the hair at the nape of my neck made that fact rather difficult to retain. Her tongue pushed out against my lips and I wanted nothing more than to get completely lost in her.
“Bella, don’t you need to rest?” I whispered, my lips ghosting against hers as I spoke.
“I’m not done kissing you yet,” she complained, and the way her lips vibrated against my own made me question my sanity for trying to get her to stop what she was doing. I was wrestling with my own desires, trying to keep Bella’s well-being in the forefront of my mind. One of us had to put her first, and apparently it wasn’t going to be me, as she took my bottom lip between her teeth and simultaneously sucked my flesh and raked her teeth along it. I relinquished my holdback and pressed my lips against hers with abandon, forsaking my control for pleasure. I was helpless to fight against giving her what she wanted when it was what I wanted too.
When she released my lip, I pushed my tongue out in search of hers, pressing and giving and taking whatever she offered me. She shifted her body awkwardly towards mine, trying to press herself against me without hurting her leg. I could tell it was not comfortable for her by the way her body tensed. I shifted, lengthening my body along hers so she wouldn’t have to work so hard. I heard a tiny whimper and pulled back, unsure if it was in pleasure or pain. Her face was twisted, wincing and resisting the pain. It was definitely pain. “I’m sorry,” I murmured, feeling responsible for hurting her when I should have let my sensibility rule rather than my desire.
“It’s okay,” she rasped. “It’s worth it to be close to you.”
“I think that’s enough kissing for tonight Bella. I’ll stay right here if you wish, but it’s time for you to sleep.”
“Party pooper,” she lamented, pouting out her lip and glancing up at me.
“Even the pout’s not going to help you this time. You promised if I kissed you that you’d try to sleep.”
“Fine,” she grumbled, trying and failing to roll on to her left side. She pushed her hips into the mattress and shifted her shoulders into the pillows trying to find a comfortable position. She was never still for more than a minute or two, twisting and adjusting endlessly trying to reach a position she could relax in. It was hard to watch her discomfort.
“Would you like an arm?” I offered. She nodded and I slid my arm along her shoulders and underneath her neck. She nuzzled into it affectionately and tried again to find comfort where none existed.
“Edward?” she murmured.
“Yes?”
“Would you… it’s just that I normally sleep on my left side and I can’t with this stupid cast. I don’t like to sleep on my right side. It feels wrong, and I was wondering…” She turned to look at me. “Would you help me sleep on my right side?”
“Of course. What do you need me to do?” She didn’t need me to do anything. She rolled towards me, shifting her weight and tucking her tiny head into my shoulder. My arm curled back around her shoulders protectively and she sighed softly.
“Perfect,” she whispered. I could feel her body relax against my side. Her struggling lessened but I still doubted her comfort. I pulled out a pillow from behind my head and dropped it onto my leg.
“Bella, can you lift your cast?”
“I can try. Why?”
“You can rest it on my legs if you want, if it’s comfortable, I mean, well if you’re comfortable sleeping…like that…on me.” I grinned sheepishly, hoping she could look past my pitiful attempt at questioning whether or not she might like to snuggle further into me. She dragged her leg across her body and over onto my legs. I could feel her weight shift into my side and she relaxed instantly. She nuzzled her head into my shoulder one last time and in moments she faded.
“Perfect,” I murmured softly, raising my hand to stroke her hair. I couldn’t dream of wanting anything more than what was curled up against me at that moment.
The night was an exercise in falling in love. I started the evening head over heals for her, but each moment I spent with her I fell further under her spell. I watched her as she slept, studying her features, the miniscule arc of her nose, the parting of her uneven lips, the contour of her cheekbones, her tiny detached earlobes. There wasn’t one thing about her face that I would change. I was in awe of how each imperfection and change somehow combined into consummate perfection. She was utter sweetness and innocence in her periods of peaceful sleep, her expression almost cherubic, her long dark lashes contrasted against her flawless pale skin. Each little squeak and smile that she produced when she dreamed happy dreams took me under. And when her dreams were less happy her face framed the discomfort of them with a furrowed brow and hard-set lips and all I could think was how I wanted to soothe them all away. When I had to wake her to check on her or give her more pain medicine, her face would squish up in the most endearing way, resisting waking up, and her ability to swallow the pills and drop right back off to sleep amazed me. But the best part of the night was simply holding her and feeling her tiny hand resting lightly on my chest. She loved me and there was no greater wonder than that.
A/N: This chapter is the anti-fail, with all of its fluff and wonderfulness, and I hope you can see why I didn’t want to cut it further.
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