even ghosts get tired and go home (2/?)
Gahh I can't contain myself. anyways chapter 2 coming your way!
TW: cutting for this chapter
anyway please leave a comment!
Chapter 2: Something other than this
[ 1]-[ 2]-[ 3]-[ 4]-[ 5]- [6]-[ 7]-[ 8]-[ 9]-[ 10]-[ 11] - [12]- [13]
Two months had passed since the funeral and many things had changed since Kyuhyun's funeral. Sungmin had moved out of the dorm room that he had shared with Kyuhyun to stay with Yesung, whose real name he now knew to be Jongwoon, he had dyed his hair blond, basically he had changed everything about himself, he started smoking, stopped caring, quit most of his extra-curricular activities and eventually his grades started slipping, he drank more, he basically had just given up.
And Yesung had seen all the warning signs, he knew Sungmin was on a path of totality towards destruction, burying his grief in a new self.
Sungmin walked into the apartment, slamming the door behind him before dropping to the couch with a loud grunt, already lighting up a cigarette and exhaling heavily.
"That fucking English teacher, she hates me! I know it!" Silence. "Jongwoon-ah, are you there?"
He turned his head to the kitchen, noticing the absence of Yesung before turning his head around to the bathroom, hearing the faucet running.
"Ahh Kim Minah right?" Yesung quirked a brow walking out of the bathroom and Sungmin nodded. Adding a small 'I thought so' before stopping at the hallway mirror, running his fingers through his hair.
"She's such a bitch... Just because Donghae is her fucking favorite," Sungmin groaned and turned over to his stomach, inhaling deep pulls of smoke from the cigarette.
That fucking Donghae. Not only did they take basically the same courses but they were also placed in the same classes most of the time. Ever since the Valentine incidents Donghae had become the new teacher's pet and Mr. popular. If Sungmin wasn't an outcast before he sure was now, the only person he ever hung out with was Yesung and he was a senior, Sungmin was a sophomore with little to no friends anymore.
The ones he had before everything eventually all just fanned away, disappeared, abandoned him just because of Kyuhyun. Sungmin would still call him sometimes, listen to his voice mail and leave long messages as he would sit on the balcony late at night, smoking cigarette after cigarette, always oversleeping and missing first period, he would talk about events that had happened, his day in school, his thoughts, and memories. He would laugh at past events and then he would cry realizing that Kyuhyun never ever would catch his messages, he would never reply, never say a thing back. All Sungmin had were memories and a voice mail.
The hole in his heart was never really filled, though Yesung was a good friend, Sungmin saw that now. Because he understood, he was caring, protective and weird in all kinds of ways. He was his best friend now, they would spend every possible moment together, hanging out, talking on the phone, texting, drinking, going out, all of it. But it wasn't enough, no matter how much Sungmin cared for Yesung it would never fill the hole that Kyuhyun left. No one could.
--
Sungmin pulled his leg up onto his chair, resting his chin onto his knee as the teacher said something about equations. He didn't really care, math was never his strong side, he would always get help from Kyuhyun with it and ever since he died his grade went down from a B to a staggering D. As always he felt Donghae's eyes on him again, why couldn't he just leave him alone? He would always stare at him in class and he would always take a seat behind him so that Sungmin couldn't glare back without the teacher noticing.
He jumped a little as a small paper ball bounced onto his table, coming from behind him, he turned his face just a bit only to see Donghae's stupid face. With a heavy sigh he picked up the paper and squeezed it hard in his hand before dropping it to the floor, only to be called out loudly.
His teacher standing in front of the classroom looking at him, demanding him to pick it up.
He was tired of this stupid shit, he was tired of every teacher excusing Donghae's behavior while condemning his. Donghae wasn't the only one to lose a best friend, but that was a fact that people seemed to be eager to forget. As he bent over to pick up the paper he mumbled a small "sorry," then retook his position at the desk, a pout on his lips as he glanced out the window, every day just seemed so boring and tedious and every morning was just as hard, he would spend a good 15 minutes just to figure out a reason to get out of the bed.
It would usually be something mundane such as a sale in a clothing store he liked or his favorite show was on TV. Never something big, everything big disappeared two months ago.
The bell's ringing brought Sungmin from his train of thoughts and he pushed his books into his bag, the math’s book not even opened and the pen not used once. This is how most classes would go, Donghae and his friends would terrorize him, he wouldn't study, the teacher would yell at him, the end. Everything had just turned to shit since Kyuhyun disappeared.
When Sungmin got home he would cry again, standing in the shower clutching his fists against the wall, letting the too hot water burn his skin and he would pick up a razor. He would sit down in the shower cabin, hurting himself hours on end, shivering as the blood would mix with the water, feeling his head lighten due to his anemic condition and the world would start spinning.
And he would cry violently until the bleeding stopped, then he'd hide his arms and legs in long-sleeved shirts and pants. He also developed a habit of biting on his fingers and shaking his legs whenever he felt stressed, which was basically all of the time. So he would sit there on the couch, his chin resting on his knee, his leg shaking and chewing on his thumb, staring at the TV screen going through two packs of cigarettes a day at least.
And it broke Yesung's heart to see him, even though Sungmin never said a word about it he knew about the cuts, he knew about it all and he did what he could to bring Sungmin up, he knew his pain, he knew exactly what he was going through and Yesung just hated every second of it. Every second of watching Sungmin be in pain, every time he saw the bloody paper towels in the bathroom trash bin, every time he cleaned blood out of the carpet, he hated it.
But he never gave up, he wouldn't leave Sungmin, he wouldn't abandon him when he was at his lowest, he knew that what was needed was time. Only time can heal wounds like these, he knew.
"Do you want to go out to do something?" Yesung glanced up at Sungmin as he removed the dirty plates from the living room table, running a hand through Sungmin's fringe, he met his big brown eyes and tilted his head a bit.
"That 70's show is on tonight," was all Sungmin said before turning his eyes back to the TV screen, lighting up another cigarette and Yesung nodded, walking up to the window to push it open and let some fresh air in into the smoke filled room before making his way to the kitchen. Dumping the plate and glass into the sink, cleaning it up under the sound of the fake laughter coming from the sitcom that was currently obtaining Sungmin's focus.
--
"Kyuhyun-ah...," Sungmin's voice was low. He crouched on the balcony floor and kept the phone close to his mouth, his lips trembling before every word, before every syllable.
"I know it's been a while since I talked to you but... I'm doing better now... at least it feels so," one shaky breath "that kid Donghae keeps bugging me though, throwing stupid paper balls at me in class... Are you good Kyuhyun-ah? You better be, you better be in heaven you stupid asshole," and as a letter on the mail the tears started streaming down his face, small whimpers emitting from his throat as he tried to regain his posture.
"Please don't worry about me Kyuhyun-ah, I'm managing down here, here on earth... I just wish Donghae and his stupid friends could leave me alone, and the teachers. But Jongwoon-ah is good to me, just the other day he bought me hair dye, I did tell you I'm blond didn't I? Spring break is coming up so he's going to host a party soon. I'll think of you okay? And... I'll drink for you. Kyuhyun-ah take care, please, be safe... be strong... I miss you, do you miss me?" He shook his head, pursing his lips into a tight thin line, his hands shaking and the tears falling. He stayed still, sobbing quietly to himself as he clasped the phone in his hand, cursing lowly.
"Why did you have to be so stupid Kyuhyun-ah? Why did you do it? Why did you leave me? Shit... I... I'll try to be strong for you... Know that... I'll be strong for you Kyuhyun-ah, watch over me please... watch over me and Jongwoon-ah... I think I need to go sleep now, take care will you? And I'll talk to you tomorrow, I promise... good night..." And he hung up. he just sat there, lonely and heart broken, the tears never stopping, his sobs turning into violent hulks as he leaned back against the wall, hugging his knees tightly to himself as he stared up into the sky, hoping and praying that Kyuhyun was up there somewhere.
And he went into the bathroom, slowly turning the lock on the door, constantly weeping, constantly hurting. For a brief second he saw his own reflection in the small steel blade before tilting his head, squinting his eyes, squeezing the blade tightly between his fingers, pressing it against his skin, stretching his arm as much as possible. Anything to go deeper, anything for it to hurt just a little bit more, small droplets of blood started seeping and he did it again. Again. Again. Anything for it to hurt more.
He wrapped a blanket tightly around him as he left the bathroom. His eyes red and puffy, his eyes dazed, his head light and dizzy, and himself sniveling as he walked the short distance to his own room, falling onto the bed and staring at the wall for hours before eventually passing out. Completely exasperated. As always.
PREVIOUS - NEXT
A/N: this chapter is very dear to me, I actually cried a little bit when I wrote a part of it because of death being such a sensitive and difficult topic for me, I channeled alot of my inner feelings for death in this chapter. There is a lot of time skipping though but the important thing isn't really all exact things that happen but more the events that will come to change Sungmin's and Donghae's relationship. Anyways this chapter is still just a "starter", where the story REALLY starts from chapter 3 I guess you can say, anyway please leave a comment!
TW: cutting for this chapter
anyway please leave a comment!
Chapter 2: Something other than this
[ 1]-[ 2]-[ 3]-[ 4]-[ 5]- [6]-[ 7]-[ 8]-[ 9]-[ 10]-[ 11] - [12]- [13]
Two months had passed since the funeral and many things had changed since Kyuhyun's funeral. Sungmin had moved out of the dorm room that he had shared with Kyuhyun to stay with Yesung, whose real name he now knew to be Jongwoon, he had dyed his hair blond, basically he had changed everything about himself, he started smoking, stopped caring, quit most of his extra-curricular activities and eventually his grades started slipping, he drank more, he basically had just given up.
And Yesung had seen all the warning signs, he knew Sungmin was on a path of totality towards destruction, burying his grief in a new self.
Sungmin walked into the apartment, slamming the door behind him before dropping to the couch with a loud grunt, already lighting up a cigarette and exhaling heavily.
"That fucking English teacher, she hates me! I know it!" Silence. "Jongwoon-ah, are you there?"
He turned his head to the kitchen, noticing the absence of Yesung before turning his head around to the bathroom, hearing the faucet running.
"Ahh Kim Minah right?" Yesung quirked a brow walking out of the bathroom and Sungmin nodded. Adding a small 'I thought so' before stopping at the hallway mirror, running his fingers through his hair.
"She's such a bitch... Just because Donghae is her fucking favorite," Sungmin groaned and turned over to his stomach, inhaling deep pulls of smoke from the cigarette.
That fucking Donghae. Not only did they take basically the same courses but they were also placed in the same classes most of the time. Ever since the Valentine incidents Donghae had become the new teacher's pet and Mr. popular. If Sungmin wasn't an outcast before he sure was now, the only person he ever hung out with was Yesung and he was a senior, Sungmin was a sophomore with little to no friends anymore.
The ones he had before everything eventually all just fanned away, disappeared, abandoned him just because of Kyuhyun. Sungmin would still call him sometimes, listen to his voice mail and leave long messages as he would sit on the balcony late at night, smoking cigarette after cigarette, always oversleeping and missing first period, he would talk about events that had happened, his day in school, his thoughts, and memories. He would laugh at past events and then he would cry realizing that Kyuhyun never ever would catch his messages, he would never reply, never say a thing back. All Sungmin had were memories and a voice mail.
The hole in his heart was never really filled, though Yesung was a good friend, Sungmin saw that now. Because he understood, he was caring, protective and weird in all kinds of ways. He was his best friend now, they would spend every possible moment together, hanging out, talking on the phone, texting, drinking, going out, all of it. But it wasn't enough, no matter how much Sungmin cared for Yesung it would never fill the hole that Kyuhyun left. No one could.
--
Sungmin pulled his leg up onto his chair, resting his chin onto his knee as the teacher said something about equations. He didn't really care, math was never his strong side, he would always get help from Kyuhyun with it and ever since he died his grade went down from a B to a staggering D. As always he felt Donghae's eyes on him again, why couldn't he just leave him alone? He would always stare at him in class and he would always take a seat behind him so that Sungmin couldn't glare back without the teacher noticing.
He jumped a little as a small paper ball bounced onto his table, coming from behind him, he turned his face just a bit only to see Donghae's stupid face. With a heavy sigh he picked up the paper and squeezed it hard in his hand before dropping it to the floor, only to be called out loudly.
His teacher standing in front of the classroom looking at him, demanding him to pick it up.
He was tired of this stupid shit, he was tired of every teacher excusing Donghae's behavior while condemning his. Donghae wasn't the only one to lose a best friend, but that was a fact that people seemed to be eager to forget. As he bent over to pick up the paper he mumbled a small "sorry," then retook his position at the desk, a pout on his lips as he glanced out the window, every day just seemed so boring and tedious and every morning was just as hard, he would spend a good 15 minutes just to figure out a reason to get out of the bed.
It would usually be something mundane such as a sale in a clothing store he liked or his favorite show was on TV. Never something big, everything big disappeared two months ago.
The bell's ringing brought Sungmin from his train of thoughts and he pushed his books into his bag, the math’s book not even opened and the pen not used once. This is how most classes would go, Donghae and his friends would terrorize him, he wouldn't study, the teacher would yell at him, the end. Everything had just turned to shit since Kyuhyun disappeared.
When Sungmin got home he would cry again, standing in the shower clutching his fists against the wall, letting the too hot water burn his skin and he would pick up a razor. He would sit down in the shower cabin, hurting himself hours on end, shivering as the blood would mix with the water, feeling his head lighten due to his anemic condition and the world would start spinning.
And he would cry violently until the bleeding stopped, then he'd hide his arms and legs in long-sleeved shirts and pants. He also developed a habit of biting on his fingers and shaking his legs whenever he felt stressed, which was basically all of the time. So he would sit there on the couch, his chin resting on his knee, his leg shaking and chewing on his thumb, staring at the TV screen going through two packs of cigarettes a day at least.
And it broke Yesung's heart to see him, even though Sungmin never said a word about it he knew about the cuts, he knew about it all and he did what he could to bring Sungmin up, he knew his pain, he knew exactly what he was going through and Yesung just hated every second of it. Every second of watching Sungmin be in pain, every time he saw the bloody paper towels in the bathroom trash bin, every time he cleaned blood out of the carpet, he hated it.
But he never gave up, he wouldn't leave Sungmin, he wouldn't abandon him when he was at his lowest, he knew that what was needed was time. Only time can heal wounds like these, he knew.
"Do you want to go out to do something?" Yesung glanced up at Sungmin as he removed the dirty plates from the living room table, running a hand through Sungmin's fringe, he met his big brown eyes and tilted his head a bit.
"That 70's show is on tonight," was all Sungmin said before turning his eyes back to the TV screen, lighting up another cigarette and Yesung nodded, walking up to the window to push it open and let some fresh air in into the smoke filled room before making his way to the kitchen. Dumping the plate and glass into the sink, cleaning it up under the sound of the fake laughter coming from the sitcom that was currently obtaining Sungmin's focus.
--
"Kyuhyun-ah...," Sungmin's voice was low. He crouched on the balcony floor and kept the phone close to his mouth, his lips trembling before every word, before every syllable.
"I know it's been a while since I talked to you but... I'm doing better now... at least it feels so," one shaky breath "that kid Donghae keeps bugging me though, throwing stupid paper balls at me in class... Are you good Kyuhyun-ah? You better be, you better be in heaven you stupid asshole," and as a letter on the mail the tears started streaming down his face, small whimpers emitting from his throat as he tried to regain his posture.
"Please don't worry about me Kyuhyun-ah, I'm managing down here, here on earth... I just wish Donghae and his stupid friends could leave me alone, and the teachers. But Jongwoon-ah is good to me, just the other day he bought me hair dye, I did tell you I'm blond didn't I? Spring break is coming up so he's going to host a party soon. I'll think of you okay? And... I'll drink for you. Kyuhyun-ah take care, please, be safe... be strong... I miss you, do you miss me?" He shook his head, pursing his lips into a tight thin line, his hands shaking and the tears falling. He stayed still, sobbing quietly to himself as he clasped the phone in his hand, cursing lowly.
"Why did you have to be so stupid Kyuhyun-ah? Why did you do it? Why did you leave me? Shit... I... I'll try to be strong for you... Know that... I'll be strong for you Kyuhyun-ah, watch over me please... watch over me and Jongwoon-ah... I think I need to go sleep now, take care will you? And I'll talk to you tomorrow, I promise... good night..." And he hung up. he just sat there, lonely and heart broken, the tears never stopping, his sobs turning into violent hulks as he leaned back against the wall, hugging his knees tightly to himself as he stared up into the sky, hoping and praying that Kyuhyun was up there somewhere.
And he went into the bathroom, slowly turning the lock on the door, constantly weeping, constantly hurting. For a brief second he saw his own reflection in the small steel blade before tilting his head, squinting his eyes, squeezing the blade tightly between his fingers, pressing it against his skin, stretching his arm as much as possible. Anything to go deeper, anything for it to hurt just a little bit more, small droplets of blood started seeping and he did it again. Again. Again. Anything for it to hurt more.
He wrapped a blanket tightly around him as he left the bathroom. His eyes red and puffy, his eyes dazed, his head light and dizzy, and himself sniveling as he walked the short distance to his own room, falling onto the bed and staring at the wall for hours before eventually passing out. Completely exasperated. As always.
PREVIOUS - NEXT
A/N: this chapter is very dear to me, I actually cried a little bit when I wrote a part of it because of death being such a sensitive and difficult topic for me, I channeled alot of my inner feelings for death in this chapter. There is a lot of time skipping though but the important thing isn't really all exact things that happen but more the events that will come to change Sungmin's and Donghae's relationship. Anyways this chapter is still just a "starter", where the story REALLY starts from chapter 3 I guess you can say, anyway please leave a comment!