Even ghosts get tired and go home (6/?)
Chapter 6: An embrace for me
[ 1]-[ 2]-[ 3]-[ 4]-[ 5]- [6]-[ 7]-[ 8]-[ 9]-[ 10]-[ 11] - [12]- [13]
And the week passed by, they wouldn't hang out in school but Donghae would always call him in the evenings and they would talk for long periods, mostly about nothing but sometimes they'd wander into deeper topics. Sungmin got to know more and more about Hyukjae and Donghae got to know about Kyuhyun, and all Sungmin could think of was how he thought Kyuhyun and Hyukjae could have been friends, maybe in a different universe they would still be here, both of them as well as Heechul and they'd all be friends. But now that wasn't the case, not one bit. Whenever they hung up he would ponder a bit about Donghae. Like what Sungmin was to him? Did he see them as good friends or just acquaintances? Each time after they hung up he would leave a voice mail for Kyuhyun, recapping his previous day, talking about his feelings, talking about how he missed Kyuhyun, talking about his growing affection for Donghae.
He had invited Donghae as well as his friends to a gathering Yesung was hosting in their apartment, Donghae had told him he wasn't sure if he could make it but come nightfall and the apartment space started filling up he came through the door. Sungmin smiled at him, waved, went up and handed him a beer, slightly scrutinizing him.
"You cut your hair," It was shorter now, at least on the sides, he had kept his fringe long and pulled to the side. Sungmin inspected his head thoroughly before nodding with a smile.
"It suits you," and Donghae smiled, thanking him and taking a sip from the beer.
"Zhou Mi and Ryeowook said they might come by, but Shindong and Hangeng were busy," Donghae leaned into talk into Sungmin's ear, shouting down the sound of music and unwillingly Sungmin felt chills down his spine, Donghae's breath was tickling his neck in a half uncomfortable half pleasing way. Sungmin nodded in response to Donghae's words, pressing forth a smile to cover up his embarrassment.
Sometimes when they were talking he'd notice his thoughts wandering off, focusing more on the sound of Donghae's voice rather than his words. He’d find himself liking it a lot, he could find himself blushing in class when Donghae would just smile or nod at him.
He had only known him for like a month? They've been friends for a little over a week and still Donghae was able to make him stutter and become embarrassed, excited, and a little turned on. Sungmin would just keep telling himself, not Donghae, stop being so gay, stop being attracted to Lee Donghae, stop it.
And then Donghae grinned, smiled that stupid smile of his, chugging a bear, gently wrapping his arm around Sungmin's waist. Not in a loving way, of course, but in a friendly way. Everything with Donghae was so friendly, except when he decided to ignore Sungmin. Something which he'd do almost every other day. Then he'd call in the evening, with a newly cried voice, apologizing. Sungmin wasn't sure if he'd call it a habit since it had only been going on for what, five days? But it somehow still felt like it, somehow he had gotten used to talking to Donghae in the evenings, he had gotten used to not knowing if they were friends just that day in school. He had gotten used to the idea of Lee Donghae.
Throughout the night Donghae stayed close to his side, just like the party last week, and constantly Sungmin felt Yesung's watchful eyes on him. He had talked to him briefly, told him a little bit about Donghae's and his relationship, a little bit about his feelings, but definitely not all of it, he was far too worried about Yesung judging his actions. Even though he knew that it would be extremely uncharacteristic of Yesung. Yesung would seem to everybody else to be dark and mysterious, serious and brute, when in real life he was the biggest buffoon Sungmin had ever met. But right now however his mind wasn't on Yesung, it was embarrassingly absorbed in Donghae. Donghae's hand on his lower back, Donghae's voice talking to people, Donghae's fingers around the can, Donghae's lips mouthing words, Donghae's lips. Stop it Sungmin, stop being so gay, it's just the alcohol playing mind tricks, stop it.
Donghae pulled him out on the balcony, snatching a cigarette from him and leaning close, clinging to Sungmin, he was laughing and talking something about how to write the perfect essay for philosophy class. He didn't really make sense, but Sungmin laughed and listened, lighting up both their cigarettes, looking at Donghae with a lazy stare and a somber smile. Donghae exhaled heavily, blowing smoke into Sungmin's face. How much had he had to drink? Eight beers? Nine? And a couple of shots, as far as he could remember anyway, how much Donghae had drunk he had no idea of.
"You're drunk," he stated and looked at Donghae, who still has his arm around his waist and that stupid grin on his face, quirking his brows up in a confused frown. Before giving Donghae a chance to even say anything Sungmin burst into laughter, shaking his head and laughing for a while before gathering his senses.
"But then again who am I to talk!" Sungmin added, causing Donghae to snort and let his head loll back, his mouth left agape as he stared into the night sky.
"There are a lot of stars," he was mumbling, drunk mumbling, not completely being able to pronounce the words correctly without stuttering on vowels. Sungmin just nodded, completely fascinated by this extremely mundane fact and he noticed Donghae's hand moving closer around, pulling him in tighter. Sungmin's heart started beating faster, he glanced up at Donghae, trailed his jawline with his eyes, he was excruciatingly handsome, probably one of the main reasons to his popularity. Sungmin saw oh so clearly why Lee Donghae was so popular.
He hadn't realized it himself but he was looking at Donghae in awe, complete fascination shrouding his eyes as Donghae glanced down, meeting his gaze. Looking back into Sungmin's eyes with a smile on his lips, not that stupid friendly one, but a warm one, a comforting, enticing one. He leaned down, Sungmin's heart was racing, what was going on? What was happening? There was no time to react before he felt Donghae's lips against his own.
Lee Donghae's soft, perfect lips. No not perfect, stop it Sungmin. Stop it. But it didn't feel weird, it wasn't that weird, was it? Sungmin had stiffened up a bit, shocked you could say at Donghae's actions, but eventually he would relax, he would lean closer to Donghae, put a hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat underneath his palm. It was completely different from Sungmin's. His own heart was thumping rapidly wherein Donghae's was calm and strong, padam... padam... A perfect, soothing rhythm. Almost as perfect as Lee Donghae.
Oh God, he should be punished for thinking these things. Especially thinking them about Lee Donghae. Neither of them pulled away, neither of them deepened the kiss, they just stood there with their lips against each other’s, swaying a little in their drunken haze. The kiss lasted for maybe two minutes? Maybe more, for Sungmin it felt like a millisecond and three hundred days at the same time when Donghae parted from him. His eyes closed and his face relaxed, he pulled Sungmin tighter, wrapped his arms tightly around him, dumping the last of his cigarette and Sungmin rested his head against his chest. Listening to the calming thumps of Donghae's heart and Donghae would lean his chin on top of Sungmin's head, humming lowly, sending vibrations down through his torso.
It was a perfect moment, perfectly still, perfectly calm, just perfect, and Sungmin didn't want it to end at all but eventually Donghae pulled back with a small sigh. He looked at Sungmin, smiled that warm smile again and ran his fingers through Sungmin's hair.
"You're cute, Sungmin-ah," Donghae said with a low voice, causing Sungmin's heart to skip a beat and his cheeks to flush. Awkward in the situation he let his eyes find the ground and focused on a spot, not saying a word. Donghae tilted his head and lifted his hand to caress Sungmin's cheek, gently brushing his thumb over his lower lip, mumbling something inaudible before turning back and entering the apartment again.
There he was, with his cheeks a hot pink color and his breathing hitched up, his heart racing and his hands shaking as he lit up another cigarette. Bringing it to his lips with trembling hands and closed eyes. Did he just kiss Lee Donghae? Did he just enjoy kissing Lee Donghae? This was just too weird, he looked into the apartment, no one was heading out, and he picked up his phone, typing Kyuhyun's number into it and pressing dial. Inhaling a deep pull of smoke as he waited for the phone to go to voice mail, "This is Kyuhyun, I'm not by my phone right now but uh, you can leave a message or send me a text or something... bye," Sungmin leaned his forehead in his hand.
"Kyuhyun-ah... I'm... I kissed Donghae... or well Donghae kissed me, I'm sorry or... I don't know" he groaned and made a slight frown. Working this through in his head.
"I think I like him Kyuhyun-ah, more than I should really... He's... special," Sungmin said as he started smiling to himself, thinking about Donghae, not noticing the door slightly ajar, none other than Donghae right inside, leaning by the wall, hearing every word.
"I don't even know what I'm saying. I just... He's been so good to me and... I don't know," he really didn't know, puzzled beyond borders and his thoughts going haywire.
"I'm sorry... I know I shouldn't be... falling in love... with someone like Donghae, but Kyuhyun-ah know he's been so good to me... Well except when he ignores me but as you know he always calls me in the evening. I'm really sorry for it being Donghae, please don't be mad at me... or Donghae for that matter, he's a nice person and... I really like him," he heard the door squeak a bit and looked up, quickly shutting his phone as he put on an awkward smile.
"Who were you talking to? Did I interrupt?" Donghae's voice was calm, Sungmin didn't think he had heard anything, he hoped he hadn't heard anything.
"Uhm no one really, I had a voice message," he lied and nodded, as to convince himself that it was true. Donghae sighed a little and slid down against the wall next to him, twisting his hands against each other and chewing on his cheek.
"I'm sorry about the kiss... I didn't mean to, I just don't think of you like that," Donghae didn't look at him, much to Sungmin's advantage because there was no way he wanted Donghae to see the obvious disappointment creeping onto his face.
"Oh"
"I was just... I don't know but I'm not into that, I'm not gay and stuff," Sungmin wanted to scoff, snort, glare at him... 'And stuff' fucking douche bag. But all he did was nod, standing up and looking down at Donghae.
"It's fine, I didn't think anything more of it anyway," biggest lie of the century. He stepped inside, took a few deep breaths, went through it again. Was it really possible to fall in love with someone in a week? Sungmin kept telling him that it was the alcohol that made him feel like this over Donghae, it was just a stupid infatuation, he couldn't be in love with Donghae. He stumbled to his bed room, people still infecting the apartment, falling face flat into the sheets. Suddenly it went silent, he looked up and noticed Donghae right in front of the door which he had shut.
"Can I spend the night?" He asked, obviously embarrassed and insecure but Sungmin just nodded, he didn't really bother.
"I only have one cover though," he slurred out as he turned to his back, kicking his pants off and digging in under the cover, yawning and pushing his face into the pillow. He would not watch Donghae undress, okay, maybe he'd sneak a peek as Donghae undressed. that was a bad decision, he took of his pants and as he was pulling his hoodie off the tank top he wore underneath slid up, revealing Donghae's muscular back, the bones in his shoulders moving as he fixed the shirt again. As he turned around Sungmin quickly buried his face in the pillow again. The bed squeaked as Donghae laid down, pulling a bit of the cover up, turning his back to Sungmin's, as far away from each other they lied. Sungmin bit his lip hard, he could not be falling in love with Lee Donghae.
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A/N: I'm not sure what to say about this chapter, I'm currently stuck on writing chapter 14 ugh ugh.