Even ghosts get tired and go home (7/?)
OKey you guys brace yourselves.
Chapter 7 is here. And it is bad
Chapter 7: It feels even worse now
[ 1]-[ 2]-[ 3]-[ 4]-[ 5]- [6]-[ 7]-[ 8]-[ 9]-[ 10]-[ 11] - [12]- [13]
He woke up the next day, hair in his mouth before shrugging back, noticing how he was basically snuggling against Donghae's neck. He thought about the day before, he thought about the kiss, he thought about his feelings. Was he in love with Donghae? No. Was he falling in love with Donghae? Most definitely yes. He noticed a shift in Donghae's movements and he turned around, facing Sungmin, still fast asleep and Sungmin couldn't help but to admire his face just a little bit more. Even though he had those lines on his face, you know the one's you get from sleeping face down on crinkly fabric, he looked rather perfect. Sungmin had to fight the urge to extract his hand and caress his face so what he did instead was to roll away, out from under the covers, out of the bed, clothes on, get out of the room. Yesung wasn't awake, or he wasn't in the living room at least, much to Sungmin's joy, he didn't need to explain why Lee Donghae was asleep in his bed. Where does he go? Bathroom.
His reflection stared emptily back at him, he was thinking, a lot. He slapped his own face lightly. Snap out of it Sungmin, stop being so gay, stop it. Maybe he should get back to the room, maybe he shouldn't. Should he talk to Donghae about what had happened? Or should he pretend it didn't happen. He decided on waiting, seeing where Donghae was and what he thought. How he would act.
Chewing on his lip he reentered the bedroom and noticed Donghae being awake, or well, he was waking up, groaning, yawning, stretching. He had a lazy, stupid smile on.
"Shit what happened last night?" Donghae asked with a low voice, laying on his back in the bed and scratching the top of his head. So that was where they were at, Donghae didn't remember. Good riddance.
"I don't even know," Sungmin said and sat down on the edge of the bed, laughing a little and shaking his head, "but we probably had fun," he then added, meeting Donghae's soft, half-lidded eyes. Donghae was really good looking even when just woken up.
The morning continued with the two of them completely pretending the previous night's occurrences didn't happen. But the mood was still different, something was strange, Sungmin could tell by the way Donghae would constantly distance himself from Sungmin. Scoot a little further away in the couch, pulling his hand back as soon as it'd touch Sungmin's.
'Didn't remember'. Bullshit. Sungmin knew Donghae remembered every detail of the night before, otherwise he would never act like this, never behave this strangely. They watched a little TV and played some video games, sharing a few laughters but the ambiance was still a bit off beat. During the short time Sungmin had known him he had still found out a few quirks about Donghae's behavior, he had gotten to know him pretty darn well. The way he acted was extremely uncharacteristic.
They said good bye around 1pm, Donghae just flashing a friendly smile before walking out the room, no hug or anything like that. Just a nod and a smile. A shut door. Sungmin gawked at the door. Thinking it through one more time, even though he had done exactly that basically a thousand times. Were he and Donghae never going to be friends again? Were things going to turn back to the way they were before? Even after this short time. Even now Sungmin felt uneasy thinking about it. He liked Donghae, he was a good friend. He didn't want to lose him. He would have to wait, see what happened.
--
Come Monday. Come the rest of the week. Come two more weeks. May was passing. Graduation and school's ending was closing in. They were working their hardest to raise their grades, fix up the last things, Yesung had gotten a job offer down in Busan and he would leave almost instantly after graduation.
And things were different. But surprisingly enough to the better. Donghae would come and talk to him after class, make him eat lunch with him and his friends. He would still call him every night.
It was literally as if the kiss had never happened. They had become close friends, extremely close, and Sungmin was falling even harder. If he had been infatuated before, he was madly in love at this point. Every touch and every word from Donghae made his insides quiver. When Donghae would put his hand on his waist or when Donghae would wrap his fingers around his wrist Sungmin would feel his cheeks fluster, his mouth dry up and he would stumble over whatever he was saying. But he had never told Donghae how he felt, oh no.
The worst and also best parts were the times when Donghae would be close, when they would sit up until 3am watching horror movies and Donghae would lean his head on Sungmin's shoulder, or when they would drink and Donghae would cling to him, his chin on Sungmin’s shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around his frame. These were the best parts because Sungmin loved being so close to him. But these were also the worst parts because they didn't help Sungmin in trying to get over Donghae. Donghae cared a lot for him, he knew that, he would often tell Sungmin to eat more, tell him to be healthier and at times Sungmin wanted it too, he wanted to make Donghae happy.
But then the painful reminder of Donghae not being in love with him would come, slapping him hard over his face. It was just like with Kyuhyun, the exact same thing, it tired Sungmin to no end, why would he fall in love with the boys who would never love him back?
No, why would he fall in love with boys? What had he done to aggravate the gods so much that they'd punish him with this stupid curse?
It was Thursday afternoon and their last period had just ended, Sungmin was talking to Ryeowook about their new assignment, asking him shallow questions about the execution, until Donghae came up and interrupted their conversation. Looking thoughtful and uncomfortable. Not his usual happy stupid self.
"Sungmin, could I talk to you?" Donghae asked with that velvety smooth voice of his and Sungmin just nodded, taking a few seconds before really registering what Donghae had said. The two of them walked away a bit, away from the crowds to the end of the hallway. What could he want to talk to him about like this? This far away from everyone. Sungmin had an idea, he had a hope, causing his heart rate to speed up. Stop it Sungmin, don't get your hopes up and stop it. Donghae opened his mouth, here it was coming, he was going to say it, was he in love with Sungmin?
"I don't think we should be friends anymore," what? Sungmin didn't answer, he moved his gaze from Donghae's face and focused on a spot on the wall behind him, gliding his tongue over his teeth and sucking his cheeks in, fighting to not show any emotions. Then he nodded, still not speaking.
"I'm sorry I just, I don't think it's a good idea," Donghae shook his head and looked at Sungmin with inquisitive eyes, wanting to meet his own. Eventually he just sighed and patted Sungmin's shoulder gently and walked away, walked back up to his friends. But Sungmin couldn't move, he was frozen in place, trying to figure it out. He didn't want to be friends anymore? Now of all times? Whatever. Like he cared. He didn't bother with Lee Donghae. Except the fact that he did. Oh he cared about Lee Donghae.
He rushed back home, rushed into his bed room, fighting the tears back, fighting hard, quickly. With a loud slam the door shut and Sungmin leaned his back against it, staring up into the ceiling before eventually letting the emotions wash over him. He cried, he cried as hard as ever, he cried like he had cried when he found out Kyuhyun was dead. It hurt inside from crying, the tears stung his cheeks and it felt as if insects were crawling around under his skin, large caterpillars and beetles. All over him, he scratched his arms, he wailed and cried, loudly.
Why did he let Donghae get close in on him? He should have known it was a bad idea, why did he fall in love with Donghae? How could three weeks affect a person this much? He had too many questions surging through his head and all he wanted right at that moment was to get the bugs out, with fluttering hands he scampered through his drawer, trying to find the small vanity case that he always kept by his bed, always in case. Pick out the razorblades, they were slightly rusty, not that it mattered anyway. Sungmin pulled his sleeves up, rolling them up under nothing but the sound of his own violent sobbing.
Of course Donghae didn't want to be friends with him. He was a fucking nut job psycho. Emo kid Sungmin. Psycho kid Sungmin. That murderer's best friend. That's who he was. No one else. Not someone you'd want to be friends with. His eyes wandered over his arms, he was shaking, he was always shaking. He pressed the blades hard against his skin, long, deep, his eyes were squeezed shut. Oh god it hurt, but the more it hurt, the better. He wanted it to hurt, he wanted it to hurt so badly that whenever he would think about Donghae the only thing he would remember would be pain. Deep, burning, searing pain. He just needed to get the caterpillars and beetles out from his system.
But this time the cuts weren't enough, it didn't do enough, even though Sungmin was already dizzy, his glazed gaze even more unfocused than usually. The white sheets were stained all over, he was bleeding so much, so quickly, but it just wasn't enough. He needed something else and his mind went back to the vanity case. The "just in case-case". Sniveling and shaking he rummaged through it again until he found an eye glasses case. He licked his lips and opened it, looking at the small plastic bag then pulled out the small tray from his cupboard and dumped whatever content from it on the floor. His wallet, shit he needed his wallet.
Using a bonus card at the local book store he settled the white powder, splitting it up into small piles then flattening them, making the perfect lines. He had to focus hard, had to be careful not to get blood mixed with the cocaine. How did he get to this point? How could he let someone as moronic as Lee Donghae get this deep under his skin. Sungmin needed him out, by every little atom of his body he needed Lee Donghae out from him.
As if it was enough, as if the cuts and drugs and whatever he'd come up with would ever be enough. He should stop, not this much, Yesung had told him countless times about overdosing. But in all honestly, how could Sungmin care? So what if he overdosed? He didn't have anything to live for anyway. So what if Donghae didn't want to be his friend. So what.
It had gone three hours and Yesung was still not home, three hours of cutting and snorting. Three hours of hurting and crying. Sungmin couldn't stand straight, he couldn't walk, he couldn't function, for the past 30 minutes he had been passed out on the couch, his body at its probable weakest point ever since he was born. He decided to take a step, try to walk, but he collapsed. Falling hard onto the floor, he couldn't move, it was becoming darker and darker. He couldn't speak. Couldn't do anything but think, at least for a few more minutes until everything went black. So this was death?
PREVIOUS - NEXT
A/N: well this was a special chapter to write, pretty sure you understand why, *wink wink*
But yes I guess this would be darkest chapter.
Drop a comment, tell me what you think <3
Chapter 7 is here. And it is bad
Chapter 7: It feels even worse now
[ 1]-[ 2]-[ 3]-[ 4]-[ 5]- [6]-[ 7]-[ 8]-[ 9]-[ 10]-[ 11] - [12]- [13]
He woke up the next day, hair in his mouth before shrugging back, noticing how he was basically snuggling against Donghae's neck. He thought about the day before, he thought about the kiss, he thought about his feelings. Was he in love with Donghae? No. Was he falling in love with Donghae? Most definitely yes. He noticed a shift in Donghae's movements and he turned around, facing Sungmin, still fast asleep and Sungmin couldn't help but to admire his face just a little bit more. Even though he had those lines on his face, you know the one's you get from sleeping face down on crinkly fabric, he looked rather perfect. Sungmin had to fight the urge to extract his hand and caress his face so what he did instead was to roll away, out from under the covers, out of the bed, clothes on, get out of the room. Yesung wasn't awake, or he wasn't in the living room at least, much to Sungmin's joy, he didn't need to explain why Lee Donghae was asleep in his bed. Where does he go? Bathroom.
His reflection stared emptily back at him, he was thinking, a lot. He slapped his own face lightly. Snap out of it Sungmin, stop being so gay, stop it. Maybe he should get back to the room, maybe he shouldn't. Should he talk to Donghae about what had happened? Or should he pretend it didn't happen. He decided on waiting, seeing where Donghae was and what he thought. How he would act.
Chewing on his lip he reentered the bedroom and noticed Donghae being awake, or well, he was waking up, groaning, yawning, stretching. He had a lazy, stupid smile on.
"Shit what happened last night?" Donghae asked with a low voice, laying on his back in the bed and scratching the top of his head. So that was where they were at, Donghae didn't remember. Good riddance.
"I don't even know," Sungmin said and sat down on the edge of the bed, laughing a little and shaking his head, "but we probably had fun," he then added, meeting Donghae's soft, half-lidded eyes. Donghae was really good looking even when just woken up.
The morning continued with the two of them completely pretending the previous night's occurrences didn't happen. But the mood was still different, something was strange, Sungmin could tell by the way Donghae would constantly distance himself from Sungmin. Scoot a little further away in the couch, pulling his hand back as soon as it'd touch Sungmin's.
'Didn't remember'. Bullshit. Sungmin knew Donghae remembered every detail of the night before, otherwise he would never act like this, never behave this strangely. They watched a little TV and played some video games, sharing a few laughters but the ambiance was still a bit off beat. During the short time Sungmin had known him he had still found out a few quirks about Donghae's behavior, he had gotten to know him pretty darn well. The way he acted was extremely uncharacteristic.
They said good bye around 1pm, Donghae just flashing a friendly smile before walking out the room, no hug or anything like that. Just a nod and a smile. A shut door. Sungmin gawked at the door. Thinking it through one more time, even though he had done exactly that basically a thousand times. Were he and Donghae never going to be friends again? Were things going to turn back to the way they were before? Even after this short time. Even now Sungmin felt uneasy thinking about it. He liked Donghae, he was a good friend. He didn't want to lose him. He would have to wait, see what happened.
--
Come Monday. Come the rest of the week. Come two more weeks. May was passing. Graduation and school's ending was closing in. They were working their hardest to raise their grades, fix up the last things, Yesung had gotten a job offer down in Busan and he would leave almost instantly after graduation.
And things were different. But surprisingly enough to the better. Donghae would come and talk to him after class, make him eat lunch with him and his friends. He would still call him every night.
It was literally as if the kiss had never happened. They had become close friends, extremely close, and Sungmin was falling even harder. If he had been infatuated before, he was madly in love at this point. Every touch and every word from Donghae made his insides quiver. When Donghae would put his hand on his waist or when Donghae would wrap his fingers around his wrist Sungmin would feel his cheeks fluster, his mouth dry up and he would stumble over whatever he was saying. But he had never told Donghae how he felt, oh no.
The worst and also best parts were the times when Donghae would be close, when they would sit up until 3am watching horror movies and Donghae would lean his head on Sungmin's shoulder, or when they would drink and Donghae would cling to him, his chin on Sungmin’s shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around his frame. These were the best parts because Sungmin loved being so close to him. But these were also the worst parts because they didn't help Sungmin in trying to get over Donghae. Donghae cared a lot for him, he knew that, he would often tell Sungmin to eat more, tell him to be healthier and at times Sungmin wanted it too, he wanted to make Donghae happy.
But then the painful reminder of Donghae not being in love with him would come, slapping him hard over his face. It was just like with Kyuhyun, the exact same thing, it tired Sungmin to no end, why would he fall in love with the boys who would never love him back?
No, why would he fall in love with boys? What had he done to aggravate the gods so much that they'd punish him with this stupid curse?
It was Thursday afternoon and their last period had just ended, Sungmin was talking to Ryeowook about their new assignment, asking him shallow questions about the execution, until Donghae came up and interrupted their conversation. Looking thoughtful and uncomfortable. Not his usual happy stupid self.
"Sungmin, could I talk to you?" Donghae asked with that velvety smooth voice of his and Sungmin just nodded, taking a few seconds before really registering what Donghae had said. The two of them walked away a bit, away from the crowds to the end of the hallway. What could he want to talk to him about like this? This far away from everyone. Sungmin had an idea, he had a hope, causing his heart rate to speed up. Stop it Sungmin, don't get your hopes up and stop it. Donghae opened his mouth, here it was coming, he was going to say it, was he in love with Sungmin?
"I don't think we should be friends anymore," what? Sungmin didn't answer, he moved his gaze from Donghae's face and focused on a spot on the wall behind him, gliding his tongue over his teeth and sucking his cheeks in, fighting to not show any emotions. Then he nodded, still not speaking.
"I'm sorry I just, I don't think it's a good idea," Donghae shook his head and looked at Sungmin with inquisitive eyes, wanting to meet his own. Eventually he just sighed and patted Sungmin's shoulder gently and walked away, walked back up to his friends. But Sungmin couldn't move, he was frozen in place, trying to figure it out. He didn't want to be friends anymore? Now of all times? Whatever. Like he cared. He didn't bother with Lee Donghae. Except the fact that he did. Oh he cared about Lee Donghae.
He rushed back home, rushed into his bed room, fighting the tears back, fighting hard, quickly. With a loud slam the door shut and Sungmin leaned his back against it, staring up into the ceiling before eventually letting the emotions wash over him. He cried, he cried as hard as ever, he cried like he had cried when he found out Kyuhyun was dead. It hurt inside from crying, the tears stung his cheeks and it felt as if insects were crawling around under his skin, large caterpillars and beetles. All over him, he scratched his arms, he wailed and cried, loudly.
Why did he let Donghae get close in on him? He should have known it was a bad idea, why did he fall in love with Donghae? How could three weeks affect a person this much? He had too many questions surging through his head and all he wanted right at that moment was to get the bugs out, with fluttering hands he scampered through his drawer, trying to find the small vanity case that he always kept by his bed, always in case. Pick out the razorblades, they were slightly rusty, not that it mattered anyway. Sungmin pulled his sleeves up, rolling them up under nothing but the sound of his own violent sobbing.
Of course Donghae didn't want to be friends with him. He was a fucking nut job psycho. Emo kid Sungmin. Psycho kid Sungmin. That murderer's best friend. That's who he was. No one else. Not someone you'd want to be friends with. His eyes wandered over his arms, he was shaking, he was always shaking. He pressed the blades hard against his skin, long, deep, his eyes were squeezed shut. Oh god it hurt, but the more it hurt, the better. He wanted it to hurt, he wanted it to hurt so badly that whenever he would think about Donghae the only thing he would remember would be pain. Deep, burning, searing pain. He just needed to get the caterpillars and beetles out from his system.
But this time the cuts weren't enough, it didn't do enough, even though Sungmin was already dizzy, his glazed gaze even more unfocused than usually. The white sheets were stained all over, he was bleeding so much, so quickly, but it just wasn't enough. He needed something else and his mind went back to the vanity case. The "just in case-case". Sniveling and shaking he rummaged through it again until he found an eye glasses case. He licked his lips and opened it, looking at the small plastic bag then pulled out the small tray from his cupboard and dumped whatever content from it on the floor. His wallet, shit he needed his wallet.
Using a bonus card at the local book store he settled the white powder, splitting it up into small piles then flattening them, making the perfect lines. He had to focus hard, had to be careful not to get blood mixed with the cocaine. How did he get to this point? How could he let someone as moronic as Lee Donghae get this deep under his skin. Sungmin needed him out, by every little atom of his body he needed Lee Donghae out from him.
As if it was enough, as if the cuts and drugs and whatever he'd come up with would ever be enough. He should stop, not this much, Yesung had told him countless times about overdosing. But in all honestly, how could Sungmin care? So what if he overdosed? He didn't have anything to live for anyway. So what if Donghae didn't want to be his friend. So what.
It had gone three hours and Yesung was still not home, three hours of cutting and snorting. Three hours of hurting and crying. Sungmin couldn't stand straight, he couldn't walk, he couldn't function, for the past 30 minutes he had been passed out on the couch, his body at its probable weakest point ever since he was born. He decided to take a step, try to walk, but he collapsed. Falling hard onto the floor, he couldn't move, it was becoming darker and darker. He couldn't speak. Couldn't do anything but think, at least for a few more minutes until everything went black. So this was death?
PREVIOUS - NEXT
A/N: well this was a special chapter to write, pretty sure you understand why, *wink wink*
But yes I guess this would be darkest chapter.
Drop a comment, tell me what you think <3