Even ghosts get tired and go home (9/?)
So I'm still shitty with my posting but I think I've gotten my computers under parr so I can at least say I will be posting once a week!!!!
Chapter 9: Those who have been blinded by the light
[ 1]-[ 2]-[ 3]-[ 4]-[ 5]- [6]-[ 7]-[ 8]-[ 9]-[ 10]-[ 11] - [12]- [13]
Sungmin tried to open his eyes but it hurt far too much, even just moving his eyes underneath his eye lids hurt, every little bit and piece of him hurt. After fighting the urge to not do anything Sungmin looked around the room, still in a haze without being able to really focus his eyes. As he let his head roll to the right he saw him, sleeping with his head tilted to his shoulder, Lee Donghae. Was this a dream?
Gently he lifted his hand, an action that took every ounce of strength in him to do, and let his fingers brush against Donghae's cheek, just to make sure that he was real. He let his hand drop back into the sheets and smiled softly, taking heavy breaths to recover from this small action. What had happened? He remembered what Donghae had told him, he remembered going home, he remembered the razor blades, and he remembered the cocaine. That had to be where everything went wrong.
After fifteen minutes or so Yesung came into the room, hurriedly coming up to Sungmin's side, brushing his hand through Sungmin's hair and taking his hand in his own.
"Hey, how are you doing?" Yesung asked, wow, had his voice ever sounded so soft? Sungmin just nodded before swallowing down, doing his best to make his mouth less dry.
"Can I get some water?" He sounded ridiculous, but Yesung just nodded frantically and rushed into the bathroom, filling up a small glass of water and quickly handing it back to Sungmin. He could see the extreme worry in Yesung's eyes as he pushed himself up into a more sitting position, frowning as the pain struck him. His head pounded like it had never done before and as he chugged down the water his throat burnt. It stung into his esophagus and he clenched his fist. Oh god it hurt so badly.
"What happened?" Sungmin asked, he was actually rather eager to find out how he ended up in the hospital. Yesung let out a soft sigh, still running his fingers through Sungmin's blond hair.
"Well you suffered great blood loss... you overdosed," Yesung said, looking at Sungmin with a tired face, his eyes saying a million things.
"No I mean how did I get here? When did Donghae come here?" Sungmin's voice was raspy and quiet, almost inaudible. All Yesung did was smile as he for a split of a second glanced up at Donghae.
"He's been here all night; he went to the apartment and kicked the door in... Then brought you here, if it hadn't been for him you'd be dead right now," Yesung said warmly, smiling a little and never letting go of Sungmin's hand. Sungmin glanced at Donghae and felt a smile spread over his lips, it made him feel a little bit better knowing that Donghae obviously cared. Yesung continued talking about what had happened, how Donghae had called him in panic, how Donghae apparently had refused to leave Sungmin's side, how he had sat there the entire night, hardly wanting to leave to use the bathroom. He also continued with telling Sungmin how Donghae had told him about what he said the day before and how he regretted it, how he didn't mean it.
"Honestly Sungmin, he cares for you... a lot.... I need you two to stay friends. I need to know that you'll have someone to take care of your and be there for you, I need to know that you'll be alright when I leave," Yesung said calmly, pushing his eyebrows together into a concerned frown and Sungmin nodded, fighting the tears back. He didn't want Yesung to leave, not one bit, he wasn't sure he'd manage on his own. Especially not if Donghae was going to play every day differently like he had been doing the short period they'd been friends.
Sungmin glanced at Donghae again, noticing a slight shift in his movements and a small grunt as Donghae lifted his head, blinking slowly before smiling widely.
"You're awake," was all he said and Sungmin nodded, looking at Yesung who just squeezed his hand before apologizing, coming up with some lame excuse to leave the other two boys alone.
"Never ever do that again," Donghae continued, looking at Sungmin with a serious look in his face, slight tendencies to worry hidden within his voice. What was he supposed to answer? I'm sorry? He wanted to explain, to tell Donghae that he didn't mean to go that far. He wasn't supposed to end up in the hospital; all he wanted was to forget. Forget his feelings for Donghae, forget Kyuhyun, forget it all. But all Sungmin did was to shake his head as an empty promise.
"Do you want to be my friend, Donghae?" Sungmin looked at him, straight into his eyes, no sign of emotions across his face. The question caught Donghae off guard and he twisted his hands in his lap, sighing a little before answering.
"I do. I want to be your friend, but that's it, nothing else... I heard you that night on the balcony... On the phone and I'm sorry" Donghae said as he stood up, gently placing his palm against Sungmin's cheek and smiling, that warm smile that made Sungmin's heart melt and his insides all gooey.
"Good... I want to be your friend too," Sungmin answered and nodded. Taking Donghae's hand in his own and removing it from his face, trying to smile back just as warmly. He was glad they could still be friends but still his heart ached violently over the fact that he could not have Donghae. Why did he always fall in love with the boys he could never have?
Why did he fall in love with boys? He took a shaky breath and slid further down in the bed, his head falling to the side. Sungmin was tired, exhausted, and Donghae sat down again, obviously not sure on what to do.
Donghae's eyes wandered over Sungmin's body, the bedspread was carefully tucked over his torso, only his arms above it. His arms covered in white bandage with occasional red stains where the blood had seeped through. It was sickening and horrifying for Donghae to see someone so broken down. He carefully watched every one of Sungmin's actions, everything from the slow blinking to a twitch in his fingers. Donghae watched.
"You have to start seeing a therapist," Donghae said calmly, leaning back into the chair a bit and clasping his hands.
"What? Why?" Sungmin inquired, he lifted his head a bit and whined, obviously annoyed.
"Why? You slashed your arms and over dosed on cocaine, they think you're suicidal and it's either that or staying here," Donghae just shrugged and shook his head. He was right; of course he had to see a therapist.
"I hate therapists... I hate them," Sungmin said and stared up into the ceiling, dragging his thumb nail against the edge of his index finger, chewing on his cheek. He really did, he had to see one after Kyuhyun just died. They were always so nosy and pushy, and judgmental. As if they stood higher in the hierarchy than the poor, stupid patients.
"It doesn't matter to be honest, it's just the way it is, they said you can go home tomorrow by the way," Sungmin turned his face away from Donghae, curving his upper lip into a frown and glaring at the wall. As if that would help in any kind of way.
"You shouldn't cut yourself, Sungmin..." Donghae said with sadness to his voice and Sungmin kept his face turned away, he refused to look at Donghae.
--
Then came graduation and he had to say good bye to Yesung, it was hard, he wasn't used to being alone. Sungmin had always had someone there, always. Donghae was going to go away for the most parts of July, much to Sungmin's avail. Things had been rather awkward between them the last time of school, some days Donghae would be very close, looking at Sungmin with nice eyes and warm smiles and others Donghae would practically ignore him. Answer him in cold manners, roll his eyes and sigh at Sungmin's questions.
He was complicated, Donghae, and Sungmin never really knew exactly where he had him. Once he thought he had figured out Donghae he would be proved the exact opposite directly afterwards. But his feelings never changed, he never stopped being in love with Donghae. Donghae with his stupid face. Stupid Donghae.
Sungmin spent the summer at his parents' house, he didn't do much during the break. He basically stayed indoors and read, every day, all days. His parents tried to get him out of the house, tried to cheer him up. But Sungmin didn't care, he just wanted to be left alone. He lost even more weight and his cheeks had started sinking in, he was pale, had large, dark circles under his eyes, his bones stuck out in awkward ways and he bruised like a peach. Causing him to look sick as ever. He quit cutting his arms and now only focused on his lower torso and legs. Not wanting people to see.
In all honesty Sungmin had never looked this sick and distorted. He had become a shell of himself, the summer tearing on him like nothing else. Donghae would call him sometimes, maybe once a week, and they'd talk about casual things, they would ask each other what they've been up to, talked a little bit about school starting. Something Sungmin was dying for, he just wanted to see Donghae's face again. He just wanted to get to look into those friendly eyes of his. Sungmin missed Donghae, more than he would like to admit he missed Donghae. And Donghae missed Sungmin. But he of all people would never admit that.
PREVIOUS - NEXT
A/N:
I guess this is kind of a ball turning chapter! For all you who wonder I have written up to chapter 13 and I am currently working on chapter 14, I expect it to be around 18-20 chapters in total!
Chapter 9: Those who have been blinded by the light
[ 1]-[ 2]-[ 3]-[ 4]-[ 5]- [6]-[ 7]-[ 8]-[ 9]-[ 10]-[ 11] - [12]- [13]
Sungmin tried to open his eyes but it hurt far too much, even just moving his eyes underneath his eye lids hurt, every little bit and piece of him hurt. After fighting the urge to not do anything Sungmin looked around the room, still in a haze without being able to really focus his eyes. As he let his head roll to the right he saw him, sleeping with his head tilted to his shoulder, Lee Donghae. Was this a dream?
Gently he lifted his hand, an action that took every ounce of strength in him to do, and let his fingers brush against Donghae's cheek, just to make sure that he was real. He let his hand drop back into the sheets and smiled softly, taking heavy breaths to recover from this small action. What had happened? He remembered what Donghae had told him, he remembered going home, he remembered the razor blades, and he remembered the cocaine. That had to be where everything went wrong.
After fifteen minutes or so Yesung came into the room, hurriedly coming up to Sungmin's side, brushing his hand through Sungmin's hair and taking his hand in his own.
"Hey, how are you doing?" Yesung asked, wow, had his voice ever sounded so soft? Sungmin just nodded before swallowing down, doing his best to make his mouth less dry.
"Can I get some water?" He sounded ridiculous, but Yesung just nodded frantically and rushed into the bathroom, filling up a small glass of water and quickly handing it back to Sungmin. He could see the extreme worry in Yesung's eyes as he pushed himself up into a more sitting position, frowning as the pain struck him. His head pounded like it had never done before and as he chugged down the water his throat burnt. It stung into his esophagus and he clenched his fist. Oh god it hurt so badly.
"What happened?" Sungmin asked, he was actually rather eager to find out how he ended up in the hospital. Yesung let out a soft sigh, still running his fingers through Sungmin's blond hair.
"Well you suffered great blood loss... you overdosed," Yesung said, looking at Sungmin with a tired face, his eyes saying a million things.
"No I mean how did I get here? When did Donghae come here?" Sungmin's voice was raspy and quiet, almost inaudible. All Yesung did was smile as he for a split of a second glanced up at Donghae.
"He's been here all night; he went to the apartment and kicked the door in... Then brought you here, if it hadn't been for him you'd be dead right now," Yesung said warmly, smiling a little and never letting go of Sungmin's hand. Sungmin glanced at Donghae and felt a smile spread over his lips, it made him feel a little bit better knowing that Donghae obviously cared. Yesung continued talking about what had happened, how Donghae had called him in panic, how Donghae apparently had refused to leave Sungmin's side, how he had sat there the entire night, hardly wanting to leave to use the bathroom. He also continued with telling Sungmin how Donghae had told him about what he said the day before and how he regretted it, how he didn't mean it.
"Honestly Sungmin, he cares for you... a lot.... I need you two to stay friends. I need to know that you'll have someone to take care of your and be there for you, I need to know that you'll be alright when I leave," Yesung said calmly, pushing his eyebrows together into a concerned frown and Sungmin nodded, fighting the tears back. He didn't want Yesung to leave, not one bit, he wasn't sure he'd manage on his own. Especially not if Donghae was going to play every day differently like he had been doing the short period they'd been friends.
Sungmin glanced at Donghae again, noticing a slight shift in his movements and a small grunt as Donghae lifted his head, blinking slowly before smiling widely.
"You're awake," was all he said and Sungmin nodded, looking at Yesung who just squeezed his hand before apologizing, coming up with some lame excuse to leave the other two boys alone.
"Never ever do that again," Donghae continued, looking at Sungmin with a serious look in his face, slight tendencies to worry hidden within his voice. What was he supposed to answer? I'm sorry? He wanted to explain, to tell Donghae that he didn't mean to go that far. He wasn't supposed to end up in the hospital; all he wanted was to forget. Forget his feelings for Donghae, forget Kyuhyun, forget it all. But all Sungmin did was to shake his head as an empty promise.
"Do you want to be my friend, Donghae?" Sungmin looked at him, straight into his eyes, no sign of emotions across his face. The question caught Donghae off guard and he twisted his hands in his lap, sighing a little before answering.
"I do. I want to be your friend, but that's it, nothing else... I heard you that night on the balcony... On the phone and I'm sorry" Donghae said as he stood up, gently placing his palm against Sungmin's cheek and smiling, that warm smile that made Sungmin's heart melt and his insides all gooey.
"Good... I want to be your friend too," Sungmin answered and nodded. Taking Donghae's hand in his own and removing it from his face, trying to smile back just as warmly. He was glad they could still be friends but still his heart ached violently over the fact that he could not have Donghae. Why did he always fall in love with the boys he could never have?
Why did he fall in love with boys? He took a shaky breath and slid further down in the bed, his head falling to the side. Sungmin was tired, exhausted, and Donghae sat down again, obviously not sure on what to do.
Donghae's eyes wandered over Sungmin's body, the bedspread was carefully tucked over his torso, only his arms above it. His arms covered in white bandage with occasional red stains where the blood had seeped through. It was sickening and horrifying for Donghae to see someone so broken down. He carefully watched every one of Sungmin's actions, everything from the slow blinking to a twitch in his fingers. Donghae watched.
"You have to start seeing a therapist," Donghae said calmly, leaning back into the chair a bit and clasping his hands.
"What? Why?" Sungmin inquired, he lifted his head a bit and whined, obviously annoyed.
"Why? You slashed your arms and over dosed on cocaine, they think you're suicidal and it's either that or staying here," Donghae just shrugged and shook his head. He was right; of course he had to see a therapist.
"I hate therapists... I hate them," Sungmin said and stared up into the ceiling, dragging his thumb nail against the edge of his index finger, chewing on his cheek. He really did, he had to see one after Kyuhyun just died. They were always so nosy and pushy, and judgmental. As if they stood higher in the hierarchy than the poor, stupid patients.
"It doesn't matter to be honest, it's just the way it is, they said you can go home tomorrow by the way," Sungmin turned his face away from Donghae, curving his upper lip into a frown and glaring at the wall. As if that would help in any kind of way.
"You shouldn't cut yourself, Sungmin..." Donghae said with sadness to his voice and Sungmin kept his face turned away, he refused to look at Donghae.
--
Then came graduation and he had to say good bye to Yesung, it was hard, he wasn't used to being alone. Sungmin had always had someone there, always. Donghae was going to go away for the most parts of July, much to Sungmin's avail. Things had been rather awkward between them the last time of school, some days Donghae would be very close, looking at Sungmin with nice eyes and warm smiles and others Donghae would practically ignore him. Answer him in cold manners, roll his eyes and sigh at Sungmin's questions.
He was complicated, Donghae, and Sungmin never really knew exactly where he had him. Once he thought he had figured out Donghae he would be proved the exact opposite directly afterwards. But his feelings never changed, he never stopped being in love with Donghae. Donghae with his stupid face. Stupid Donghae.
Sungmin spent the summer at his parents' house, he didn't do much during the break. He basically stayed indoors and read, every day, all days. His parents tried to get him out of the house, tried to cheer him up. But Sungmin didn't care, he just wanted to be left alone. He lost even more weight and his cheeks had started sinking in, he was pale, had large, dark circles under his eyes, his bones stuck out in awkward ways and he bruised like a peach. Causing him to look sick as ever. He quit cutting his arms and now only focused on his lower torso and legs. Not wanting people to see.
In all honesty Sungmin had never looked this sick and distorted. He had become a shell of himself, the summer tearing on him like nothing else. Donghae would call him sometimes, maybe once a week, and they'd talk about casual things, they would ask each other what they've been up to, talked a little bit about school starting. Something Sungmin was dying for, he just wanted to see Donghae's face again. He just wanted to get to look into those friendly eyes of his. Sungmin missed Donghae, more than he would like to admit he missed Donghae. And Donghae missed Sungmin. But he of all people would never admit that.
PREVIOUS - NEXT
A/N:
I guess this is kind of a ball turning chapter! For all you who wonder I have written up to chapter 13 and I am currently working on chapter 14, I expect it to be around 18-20 chapters in total!