Sawajiri Legacy ;; Generation 3.1
Warnings:
Foul Language
Adult Themes
Past Updates:
1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5
2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5
When we last left the Sawajiri family, Hiroshi was well on his way to becoming a certified man-slut by trying to sleep with 20 women, and had the deep-seeded desire to become the sexiest warlock the world has ever known.
Luckily, he made a step towards both those goals by sleeping with the first witch he laid eyes on.
THE GOOD WITCH: As a reward for pleasuring my pussy like a Russian pornstar, I shall make you... AN EPIC WARLOCK!
*sparkle sparkle*
HIROSHI: BAMF. Well this outfit isn't, but those things can be fixed.
HIROSHI: KING OF THE FUCKING CAULDRON, HO.
But being King of the Cauldron means nothing without someone to brag to, and it's pretty clear Natsuki won't be caring any time soon.
HIROSHI: So, random but... wanna move in? I can give you clothes; it must be drafty in those things. Besides, I need you to 'ohh' and 'ahh' at my amazing skills, otherwise they mean nothing.
FREYA: PUPPIES AND STARS! I LOVE YOUR FACE MR. FUZZLE BOTTOM.
Hiroshi: Why thank you! You'll make a great roommate/girlfriend even though I don't understand half the shit you say. But you make me look saner by comparison, so I'll take it; especially since everyone thinks I'm insane because I was locked in a room for most of my young life.
Yeah, she doesn't have a last name; just go with it. She was part of an asylum family that I made and never played so her 'last name' was the hospital name. So we're just gonna say she was found on the street with no identification and no memory of what her surname is due to immense brain damage to her... frontal lobe, or some shit. Yeah. YEAH. It works.
NATSUKI: How many times do I have to tell you to stop bringing your freaks into MY house?! This place is not going to turn into a circus of your stupid penis conquests!
HIROSHI: Oh shut up woman, you're half dead anyway. I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.
NATSUKI: Fuck off. Also, get rid of that stupid outfit. Being a cook is not something any proper man would aspire to.
HIROSHI: LE GASP. RUDENESS!
At least the crazy bitch cleans up after herself when she pees on the floor. Talk about consideration.
NATSUKI: NEW PLAN: Totally gonna start making robots to kill everyone.
HIROSHI: You're really going to sit there and eat Chinese food while I'm cooking a turkey? COME ON.
FREYA: Noodles are squishy! Think spawning in the evening, yes? Cookies.
HIROSHI: What? *pause* Wait, WHAT? SPAWNING??
FREYA: SPAWNING!
HIROSHI: Shit.
The Good Witch has about the same sentiment when she hears the news.
THE GOOD WITCH: YOU'RE HAVING ANOTHER WOMAN'S BABY?! YOU CUNT! I SHOULD CURSE YOU.
HIROSHI: Oh shiz please don't; I like my penis the size that it is! D:
Clearly this is a stressful time in the young man's life.
HIROSHI: Yup, I definitely can't deal with this shit. UP UP AND AWAY!
But what does he do to calm down? Poker with the boys...?
Nah, that was last week. Besides, there's always something better to take your mind off of unexpected and overwhelming things...
One night stands! Because getting closer to your life goal always makes everything better.
(also, pretty sure this one is woohoo #8 or #9. I didn't document all of them with pictures cause that could become pretty boring, but yeah he's gotten decently far)
JO: WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? YOU HAVE A BABY ON THE WAY AND YOU'RE BEING A COMPLETE DICK! YOU'RE GOING TO DRIVE FREYA BACK TO THE MENTAL HOSPITAL WHEREIN I, AND PROBABLY MANY OTHERS, OF YOUR CONQUESTS NOW RESIDE. DO YOU WANT THAT? DO YOU WANT THAT?!
HIROSHI: No, No; I wouldn't want that...!
RANDOM HOSTESS IN THE BACKGROUND: God, that bitch is such a player hater.
HIROSHI: I'm sorry my darling; I'll be there for the baby from now on, I swear. I don't need to get my balls squeezed until they pop like sour grapes, y'know? Your friends are a bit scary.
FREYA: CHEESE??
HIROSHI: ...Uh, yeah. Exactly.
... A unspecified amount of time later ...
FREYA: WET SPILL! AHHHH.
After many hours of screaming and vaginal tearing, little Midori was born into the world with Freya's genes clearly being more dominant because wow is that child white.
HIROSHI: Who's penis is the master of all the penises? MINE! I create LIFE! Beat that, fuckers.
So basically all Midori inherited from Hiroshi was the color of her hair? Jeez. This child is the poster girl for gothic lifestyle.
HIROSHI: Prepare yourself child, for your fairy godfather has arrived! LOOK AT ME PRANCE!
... Obviously the prancing does not go over well. Oh, the dramatics.
NATSUKI: I have finally finished my masterpeice! Prepare for your doom!
NATSUKI: I want you to destroy everything that is not utterly mine.
MR. ROBOTO: Yes, mistress.
MR. ROBOTO: TINY HUMAN!
NATSUKI: Do you not understand the meaning of the word DESTROY? God.
Not like Hiroshi's life needs any help being destroyed, however.
AMAYA: LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME! I'M AS BIG AS YOUR FREAKING HOUSE, HIROSHI! Do you ever think to wear condoms, you man slut?!
HIROSHI: Look this is not my fault; they're UNCOMFORTABLE.
AMAYA: I don't give a crap if they give you HIVES! I don't want this child; I have a career to think about! Once this thing pops out of me you're getting full custody, COMPRENDE?!
HIROSHI: Fine! See if I care! My crazy mom made a robot that takes care of the kids anyway, I don't gotta do SHIT.
Realizing he's gonna have to find some way to take care of his baby mommas and the aforementioned offspring, Hiroshi consumes himself with thoughts of work.
Okay, not a promotion; but hey that's pretty damn decent, yeah?
HIROSHI: I am the bomb diggity!
Meanwhile, back in the land of pregnant sluts...
AMAYA: Yeah, this kid is definitely not worth giving up my career for. Good to know.
NATSUKI: Hell yes, finally a child with our family's legit genes! Cause idk wtf that other thing was.
AMAYA: Here, take him. My part in this is done.
HIROSHI: *tears up* My BOY!!!
FREYA: BABY?!!
NEXT TIME...
a href="http://awesimz.livejournal.com/3559.html">Freya might be insane, but she's not blind. How will she react to Hiroshi bringing another woman's baby into their loving home?