Out of Choices - Chapter 24
Title: Out Of Choices
Chapter 24: Subjugation (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.1, 19.2, 20, 21, 22.1, 22.2, 23)
Author:JCAddict/picklewinkle/Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count: 6,987
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: An angry young woman is forced to move to the town of Forks, Washington and decides that alone is the best way to be. She buries her heart and puts on a tough façade that very few people are able to break through. Can the love of a teenage vampire get through to the lost girl inside, even when his true nature is revealed? AU (alternative universe) and OOC (out of character). Bella is uber OOC. Edward, not so much.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. I'm just manipulating them like imaginary playdoh so I feel like I have some power over them **snorts**
24. Subjugation
A/N: Stephenie Meyers owns all things Twilight. Epheniestay Eyermay isway ethay authorway ofway Ilighttway andway usthay ownsway allway ofway it'sway aracterschay. *snorts* Get it? Snorts? Yes I know I'm only amusing myself, but you can't fault me for lack of creativity.
I had some crappy writer's block on this chapter. Bleh. Writer's block does not make me happy. And I'm thinking it doesn't make a reader waiting on an update too happy either.
And thank you to those who have left comments and been very supportive. I appreciate it so much. With this chapter we should break 300 reviews and that makes me all kinds of happy, like Edward kissing me happy if you're wanting for a comparison. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.
From Edward's POV...
I think Alice forgot that I was still capable of catching the emotional tone of her thoughts when she blocked me from her mind. I didn’t press her, not in front of Bella, but she was most certainly keeping me out and her mental voice was most certainly alarmed. Bella was my concern right now. The unhappiness that resulted from whatever transpired between her and Alice was very evident in the disgruntled look on her face. I had arranged to drive her home to keep her more comfortable than she would have been on the bus, and getting her into my car and on the road were my only focus.
As we made our way to the car I was a little apprehensive about the drive. I’d never been in an enclosed space with Bella before and I wasn’t sure what being constantly assaulted by her seductive scent would do to my will. It would be a power struggle that I hoped would be lessened by the amount of time and closeness we’d shared overnight. Still, her scent would either subjugate me or me it. Either way I would burn. I was becoming more used to the constant stimulation her scent activated in me. It was getting easier and easier to ignore. I worked on coming up with an excuse that might mask the truth if I had to open a window for relief. I didn’t have a clue what I would say to her if I ever had to explain my reaction to her scent. It would seem so backwards and wrong to her.
I got Bella situated in the car and got behind the wheel. My throat went up in flames when I closed the door and locked her floral scent in around me. It was like a heavy perfume that clung to everything and being smothered in it was rather like a drug, insanely bad for my resolve, but so enjoyable for my body chemistry. It wasn’t just my animal instincts in incited. There were human instincts too, and I think in some ways the repression of my nature shifted her appeal away from my thirst and towards my sexual response. While I couldn’t prevent the ways her fragrance set off my predatory attributes, it was easy to focus on the ways it made me feel like a man, the urges it caused, the fantasies it evoked and the emotions it awakened. In so many ways Bella brought out the best and worst in me, but there was no denying that she had made me feel more human, more like a man, than any other being I’d encountered during my time on this Earth. She held a power over me, and it wasn’t just her scent. It was tied up in loving her and the selflessness she brought in me.
She was shaking her head with a peculiar look on her face, and it had me a bit worried. “What are you shaking your head for?”
A wide and happy smile spread across her features. “I just remembered something. You were silly enough to fall in love with me.” I was relieved she wasn’t still bothered by her disagreement with Alice.
“Not silly, smart.” I couldn’t help but smile back at her charming manner. It was endearing to watch her talk about me loving her, the way her nose wrinkled and the quirky set of her lips, and there was a happiness on her face that had never been present like this before. It made me feel immense joy that it was a result of my love. “Are you ready to go home?”
She smiled at me while I eased the car into gear and began to pull out. I used reversing the car as an excuse to put my arm around the back of her seat. She didn’t seem to mind when I left my arm hanging there. I still wasn’t sure how much open affection was preferable for Bella. Being affectionate locked in a hotel room was one thing, but out in public, for as public as a car was, I felt unsure how much affection I could openly express without upsetting her. It was a constant battle to fight the urge to touch her, one I often lost. Every now and then I would let my fingers gloss over hear hair softly, just to soothe the pull in me. Besides, any physical contact between us reminded me of her fragility and kept me focused on being gentle with her to keep her safe. There could never be enough reminders where Bella’s safety was concerned.
“How is your leg doing?” I inquired, wishing the incessant scorching would moderate so I could relax and enjoy the opportunity of being alone with Bella more fully.
“Stop fucking worrying so much. It’s fine.” I couldn’t quite tell if I was annoying her with my questions or if she was just being Bella.
“Okay, answer me this. Would you tell me if it hurt?”
“Probably not,” she smiled.
“Well then you’re just going to have to get used to my questions.”
“Well then you’re just going to have to get used to my questions,” she muttered in a quiet mocking voice. By the look of her smile she was amusing herself.
I snickered quietly under my breath. She was going to be a handful, that was for sure, not that I wanted to control her. The contrary shift in my attitude since first meeting Bella was quite fantastic. At one point I was sure controlling her was the only way I’d have any success at protecting her from me. Who knew that falling in love with her would protect her more fully for a different set of reasons?
My throat continued to burn far more strongly than I had expected it would after spending the night with her in my arms. It was manageable, but far from comfortable, and beginning to lessen as my body acclimated to her pungent redolence. At least I was not worried about being a physical threat to Bella’s safety, and if I ever felt so out of control that being near me put her at a lethal risk, then I would leave to protect her. She would not die at my hands or suffer in any way because of my nature. I would not allow it.
“What are you thinking about?” she wondered softly. I glanced over at her and she looked concerned.
“Nothing, why?”
“Your face got very serious,” she noted petulantly. “So it can’t be nothing, or you wouldn’t look so…not happy.”
“And what does looking ‘not happy’ entail, if I may ask?” I smiled wryly. It was a wonder she hadn’t noticed more about my nature, or perhaps she had and was just keeping it to herself.
“I don’t know. You look all broody and shit. Like somebody peed in your Cheerios.”
I blinked hard at her euphemism, and bit back a laugh. “Broody?”
“Yes broody. I know that face. You’re thinking about something that upsets you.” She was as sure of her observations as I was that she was right.
“I’m not broody…I’m cogitating…perpending if you will.”
“Broody,” she repeated. “Call it whatever you want to call it. You’re still thinking about something that upsets you.”
“How can you know me so well already?” I mused.
“Instinct.”
“And what do your instincts tell you about me?” My ever-present fear that she would one day figure out the truth about what I really was flared. It was probably the most dangerous question I had ever asked her. If she had any instincts at all she would know to stay away from me, like most humans. Her instincts were a mystery to me. She noticed everything, far more than any other human I’d ever encountered, and yet seemed to possess some inherent indifference to danger and consciously ignored our differences. Perhaps the same thing that closed off her mind to me gave her some kind of intuitive sense of others and blocked her natural instinct for self-preservation?
“That you love me…that you would never hurt me…that you’re broody,” she smirked.
“Well you’re right in the first two cases,” I chuckled, relieved that her instincts seemed to be grounded in the here and now.
“But you don’t want to tell me what you were thinking about?” she wondered quietly.
“I was thinking that I never want to be the cause of pain in your life.” That was close enough to what I was thinking that it was almost the truth. The part of me that feared losing Bella warred with the part that sought frankness. Even though she would likely reject me if she ever learned the truth of my nature, there was a part of me that wished I could just stop all of the deceit and pretense, and be completely honest with her.
“Why would you be worried about that?”
“I was wondering if my questions about your leg bothered you and my mind sort of drifted in that direction,” I admitted honestly. “I’m still learning what bothers you, and trying to balance it with my own instincts.”
“And what do your instincts tell you about me?” she asked with a smirk.
“That you’re a handful…that you deserve the world…that I love you.”
“You’re so smitten,” she teased.
“I’m not going to deny it.” I reached for her hand and brought it to my lips, kissing it softly. “I love you.” The smell of her wrist so close to my nose intensified the flames of my thirst momentarily. I did not let go of her wrist or let any of my struggle show in my outward appearance. I knew the blaze would only be a brief flash of discomfort.
She blushed and looked down. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing that…and I hope I don’t. Every time you say it my stomach drops and it all comes rushing back to me. It’s just so fucking unbelievable.”
“I love you,” I whispered. She smiled and turned her head slightly, looking up at me from under her lashes, and that was all it took to refocus my attention and make my thirst dissolve. “I love you,” I told her again. And when she continued to look at me with the sexiest side-glance I’d ever seen I told her one more time. “I love you.” Even if I still had to be careful with what I said and how I treated her, there was liberty and indulgence in saying those words to her, to not have to hide what I felt, to have her hear my words and believe them. Those words held all the promise and hope that existed between us.
“What was that?” she teased. “You what?”
I smiled crookedly at her smugness and let go of her hand, changing the subject. “I think you should tell me something about yourself that I don’t already know.”
“Like what?”
“Well if I knew what the something was then it wouldn’t be something I didn’t know, now would it?”
“Hmm, let’s see…I swear way too fucking much,” she snorted, laughing at herself.
“Really?” I asked sarcastically, shaking my head and rolling my eyes at her. “I’ve never noticed. How about something the whole world doesn’t know?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, maybe…your family…your old school…what your life was like in Phoenix?”
“You don’t want to hear that shit.”
“Yes I do, or I wouldn’t have asked.”
“Phoenix was…hot and dry. School there was…school. And I don’t have any family. My Dad died when I was young and you already know my Mom died.” As I watched her speak I could see the sadness in her eyes that she tried so hard to hide in her voice.
“Do you miss her?”
She stared blankly out the window and spoke matter-of-factly, like the whole situation was happening to someone else instead of her. “Every fucking day. But those are the breaks. Can’t do shit about it.”
“Were you close with her?”
“She was my best friend, and Charlie was her best friend, not really my Uncle. There was just no one else to take me in, and that’s how I landed up in Forks. My Mom grew up here. It’s sort of ironic bullshit at it’s best that I’m back here considering my Mom hated Forks with a passion, sort of like fate wants me to suffer the same shit she did, or some such fuckery.”
“And how did she suffer?”
“She and my Dad were young when they met and her parents disowned her when she got pregnant and ran away with him, saying she was throwing her life away and that their marriage would never last. Two years later he was killed in a car accident and they were right, only for a totally different reason. Now I’m back in the same hell hole dying to get out just like she was.”
“Do her parents still live here?”
“She was raised in Forks but her parents moved to the east coast after she left. They died years ago. Such a happy subject,” she snarked, wrinkling her nose up in mild disgust. “Aren’t you glad you asked me about my family?”
“I’m sorry if I upset you. I just want to know more about you…to know everything about you really, good and bad.” I was now completely tempered to her scent. There was no temptation beyond wanting her physically, to be nearer to her, to touch her, to kiss her. There was power in overcoming my thirst, being able to subdue the less desirable parts of my nature and supersede them with my human instincts.
“What about you? What’s your story?”
“My parents died a long time ago, so long ago that I don’t really remember them. Carlisle and Esme, my Father and Mother, are the only parents I’ve ever known.”
“Yeah but at least you have a brother and sister.”
“Yes, I’m lucky to have Alice and Emmett, and Jasper and Rosalie too, even if we aren’t related by blood.” I was splitting hairs, rephrasing my words to make the lie in them false. “I was very blessed that Carlisle found me.”
“He found you?” I was so comfortable with Bella that the truth spilled forth too easily.
“I was sick in the hospital and he nursed me back to health…and then took me in.”
“Not Alice and Emmett though?”
“Them too.”
“Where did you guys grow up?”
“We lived in Alaska before Forks…a little place called Denali…a place much like Forks in terms of size.” More half-truths. Again I wished I could tell her the whole truth. Her love spuriously emboldened my faith that she might one day be able to look past the shame of what I was.
“Wow, that’s so opposite to me. I came from huge hot city and you came from a tiny cold town. So do you mind small towns then?”
“They’re fine I suppose. I never really thought about it.”
“I hate them. Everybody knows everything about everyone else. There’s no fucking privacy. In Phoenix nobody gives a shit about anybody. Who gives a crap if the guy down the street is fucking your neighbour or what kind of car somebody drives or where you came from or where you’re headed for that matter?”
“I suppose if it had not been for the nature of a small town that I wouldn’t have known much about you, so it’s hard to resent it completely.”
“Ugh, you don’t know how much I hate that everybody knows so much crap about me,” she insisted, annoyed.
“Yes I do,” I smiled, proud that I knew her well enough to understand that part of her. “It was one of the first things I realized about you, that you were a private person and did not like to be the center of attention.”
“How did you know that?”
“I just got that vibe from you.” I watched you like a stalker, picking your image out of the minds of your classmates.
“Has anyone ever told you that you drive too fast?” she asked casually. My eyes moved to the speedometer fretfully. It wasn’t that fast.
I glanced over at her and she was watching the scenery pass by outside the window. “Does it bother you?”
“Nope. Should it?”
“I’ve never been in an accident.” For a human though, a normal human, this speed should seem bothersome.
“Mm-kay. When did you know you liked me?” she wondered. I bit back a laugh at her irregular line of questions.
“When did I suspect it or when did I know?”
“Know I guess,” she mumbled.
“That night in the forest when I found you dancing…I know that seems like a very strange day to realize that I liked you. You were so angry with me that day. That was the day you told me that we weren’t friends, and your comment irked me to such a degree that I rethought everything, including how I felt about you. I’d been telling myself for days that it was something else, but my heart knew otherwise. It took you pushing me away completely to make me realize that I loved you.” She was giggling quietly and I didn’t understand what I’d said that made her laugh, unless it truly was the absurdity of falling in love with her when she told me she didn’t even want to be my friend. “What are you laughing at?” I asked softly.
“That was the same day I knew I’d fallen for you,” she giggled. “The day we traded playlists and I told you I didn’t want to be friends with you, that was me pulling back because I felt like a fucking idiot when I realized I’d fallen in love with you.”
“That’s why you pulled away?” Even in hindsight I would have never guessed that was her reasoning that day.
She nodded. “I was sure it was the stupidest motherfucking thing I’d ever done, so much so that when labelled it as love in my head I threw up. It’s why I went out that night. I didn’t set out to get drunk. I just wanted to run away from my feelings… to not feel like an idiot for half a second.”
“I have a confession to make,” I admitted quietly. I looked over at her and she was smiling at me. “Alice told me that you were upset when she saw you after school that day, and I was worried about you so I went looking for you.”
“So that’s how you found me?” Understanding lit her features.
“Yes.”
A light flush rose on her cheeks. “I must have made such an ass of myself that night. I…”
I interrupted her. “Not at all Bella. It was endearing to see you so light-hearted. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you while you danced. I was captivated. When you asked me to dance…when I held you, I knew I couldn’t fight my feelings anymore. There wasn’t anything I had ever wanted more in my life than to hold you that night.”
“I don’t know why. I’ve made things so difficult for you.” One side of her mouth turned downwards as she stared down dejectedly into her lap.
“You told me not to worry so much about you, well don’t you worry so much about me. I wasn’t lying when I told you that I love every part of you. The parts about yourself that you loathe so strongly are some of the parts of you that I find most interesting.”
“I think you’re a glutton for punishment,” she joked, but I was fairly sure she was trying to hide her true feelings in her sentiment.
“I could say the same of you. I’m not the easiest man to get along with. I can be…bossy…possessive…overbearing…stop me any time,” I laughed. She was looking at me disbelievingly. “What? You think you’re the only one with skeletons in your closet?”
“Edward every freshman, sophomore and junior in school would like to date you, and probably most seniors come to think of it. You’re like the cat’s meow buddy. I hate to break it to you. I think your closet could be filled with skeletons and axe-murders and dead bodies and you’d still be the guy everyone wanted to get with.”
“It wouldn’t bother you if my closet was filled with dead bodies?” I teased. In my head I wondered if her answer would change if she knew how many murders were on my hands.
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “It might be useful to know an actual murder to do my dirty deeds.”
“Dirty deeds?”
“Well someone’s got to help me get Mike Newton off my back,” she joked.
“Yes, we’ll see how dear Mike takes to the news that you are no longer available to fill the lead role in his petty fantasies.” Ignorant foolish boy.
“So are we going to tell people?”
“Do you want to?”
“There you go again with the question as an answer thing.”
“I’m happy to tell everyone that we’re together, but I can respect your need for privacy too. I will leave it up to you. I think there are a few key people that need to be aware of it. Say Charlie for instance, since otherwise he might be wondering why I’m hanging around his house so often. And of course I’ll tell my parents and siblings, not that they don’t know about you…but that we are official,” I smirked proudly. “But if you’re asking me if I’d like to tell Mike Newton specifically? Yes, I would very much like to sit him down and explain in no uncertain terms that he is not to bother you and that you are most definitely off the market.”
“Poor Mike. What’s he ever done to you?” she razzed.
“He thinks he has a right to you, and that you’re just playing hard to get. It would be a pleasure to teach him the difference between playing hard to get and taken.”
“He’s harmless,” she mused. “A ginormous clueless pain in the ass, but a harmless one. And you don’t need to worry. There’s only one person I love.”
“And it’s not Mike?” I teased, fishing for the words.
“No, it is Mike. I’m just using you to make him jealous,” she giggled.
I feigned horror. “I figured as much. I knew it was too good to be true.”
“I’m pretty transparent.” I looked over at her and noticed her yawn.
“Is your pain manageable?” I wondered.
“Yeah, it’s the same as always,” she assured me. I studied her face a little more carefully. Her expression was relaxed but her eyelids were heavy.
“You look tired. You should close your eyes and try to sleep.”
“I don’t want to sleep,” she whined. I think if she could have she would have stomped her foot in defiance.
“Are you tired?” I murmured gently.
“Do you have a need to be right?”
“Yes.”
“Fine then yes. But I still don’t want to sleep.”
“It won’t hurt to try. I’ll be right here.”
She huffed and gave in, pulling the handle on the seat to recline it a small amount, and then turned slightly into the chair back, tucking her hands under her chin and closing her eyes. She knew I was watching her and she grinned widely. “I’m trying here,” she offered, not opening her eyes, her polite invitation to me to stop watching her.
“Sweet dreams,” I murmured.
She opened one eye. “Love you,” she answered. The words were still a marvel to hear. It would never cease to amaze me that she loved me too. With a soft sigh she drifted off and slept for the remainder of the ride while I watched her peaceful face.
She was still sleeping when I pulled into her driveway. I hated to wake her but I doubted that meeting Charlie while carrying his sort of daughter into the house would make the best first impression. I smoothed the hair that had fallen onto her cheek off of her face softly, caressing her cheek as my hand moved across it. Her skin was so soft and warm under my fingertips. I bent close to her face and whispered in her ear. “Bella, we’re home. You need to wake up now.”
A smile spread across her face as she stretched and a small groan left her mouth. Slowly her eyes opened. “Hi,” she rasped.
“Hi,” I smiled. “I missed you while you were sleeping.”
“Sorry. I would have much rather spent the whole time awake but my boyfriend is kind of a control freak and he insisted that I take a nap.”
“He must love you a lot if he’s willing to give up the pleasure of your company for the good of your health.”
She shrugged mockingly. “Pssshhttt, I guess,” she smiled.
“Stay put,” I warned. “Let me go around and help you out.”
“Are you going to follow me around for the next six weeks and do everything for me?” she mocked.
“If you’d let me,” I razzed. “There will still be swelling and pain for a number of days. It’s best to take it as easy as you can and keep your leg up if at all possible. It will make the healing go more smoothly.”
“How do you know so much about broken bones?” she wondered. That would be the two medical degrees that I’ve earned in my eighty odd years as a vampire.
“My Father is a doctor, remember?”
“Oh yeah…staying put.”
I pulled her crutches out first, and then opened her door for her. She took my hand and allowed me to pull her out. “Would you prefer to go the to door by yourself, or would you allow me to help you?” I wondered out loud.
“Charlie is going to make all kinds of fun of me either way so you may as well come meet him…if you want to.”
“All right.” I grabbed her bag out of the trunk and followed her up the porch. As she was taking her keys out I leaned in and kissed her forehead lightly.
“What was that for?”
“Because I know you’ll kill me if I try to kiss you goodbye in front of Charlie.” She rolled her eyes at me and smiled.
“If you’re going to kiss me goodbye, with the potential of mountains of ridicule in getting caught by Charlie, you may as well make it worth our while.” She fisted my shirt and pulled me towards her. I willingly leaned into her body and kissed her waiting lips. There was still a rush when our lips met and this was no exception. It was impossible to forget the delicate pressure of her mouth on mine, the warmth of her kiss, and her taste on my tongue, but no memory did justice to the real thing. I wanted to pull her to me and kiss her properly but I was worried about subverting her balance on the crutches, so I settled for the connection of our lips and poured my efforts into making it all it could be. I let her control it, working hard at giving her satisfaction while I enjoyed the sensuality of the union. She pulled back panting and looked up at me with liquid brown eyes.
“Was that better?” I whispered, planting one more chaste kiss on her lips before I pulled back completely.
“Much,” she agreed breathlessly. “You’re very good at the whole kissing thing,” she mused, licking her lips and grinning while she opened the door.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I offered in a quiet murmur as I held the door open so she could hobble inside.
“Charlie, I’m home.” I heard a chair slide across the floor and footsteps. His mind was filled with worry for Bella’s leg. A middle-aged man appeared, salt’n’pepper hair, clean-shaven, wearing jeans and a t-shirt and bare feet. By the looks of his appearance he was as laid back as my estimation of him had been. His face was blank but his mind was actively sizing me up. He wanted to know if I was the guy who had hurt Bella, and what I was doing here. He decided I looked harmless enough, although there was some apprehension about my age. His instincts were pretty spot on.
“Who’s this?” he asked, pushing a hand through his hair roughly and then scratching at his chin.
“Charlie, this Edward Cullen. He…drove me home.” I didn’t expect her to introduce me as her boyfriend but I still hoped she would. I tried to hide my disappointment as she turned to look at me. “Edward, this is my Uncle Charlie.”
“Edward, huh?” His impressions of me were satisfactory, that I looked clean cut and put together enough, and that I was perhaps a suitable alternative for Bella if she had to have a boyfriend. I was relieved that he wasn’t diametrically opposed to me being with her.
I held my hand out to him politely and he shook it firmly. “Nice to meet you Charlie.”
“Same here. Thanks for making sure she got home okay.” There was relief in his thoughts that wasn’t inferred by his tone, an affinity towards me for caring enough to make sure Bella got home safely. We were definitely on the same page in terms of wanting to keep Bella protected.
“It was my pleasure.”
“So Bells, how’s the leg?" Charlie chuckled. Just like Bella he hid his true thoughts in sarcasm and jokes. They were very alike and probably well suited to live together.
“It’s fine, and remember, I am armed. Don’t think I won’t belt you with one of these crutches if you cross a line. I’m hurt, not maimed.” Her punchy manner with him provided unambiguous proof of their easy relationship.
“Do you need help getting upstairs?” Charlie asked.
“No, thanks. I can make it fine on my own.” I shot her a disapproving glance.
“Well I’ll leave you two to it then,” Charlie mumbled, turning around and heading back towards what I assumed was the kitchen. He was hesitating speaking his thoughts. As always he was concerned with saying too much and upsetting her. He stopped and turned back towards us. “Will I be seeing you soon Edward?” He was letting me know that despite Bella’s exclusion of who I was to her, he knew very well that I was her boyfriend.
“Yes Sir, I think you will.” Bella rolled her eyes and I smiled at her. Charlie shot Bella a knowing glance and walked away. He understood our entire relationship intuitively. “You must like that you have to say so little to him,” I whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“He understands that we are together, does he not?”
“He does, but how do you know?”
“Just the look he gave you. Besides, I told you, most people are easy to read. So I will pick you up for school in the morning?”
“I can drive Edward. I’m not an invalid.”
I expected her refusal. I softened my voice and widened my eyes to boost the effects of my persuasion. “You won’t even take it easy for a few days, for me?”
“Oh don’t pull that concerned charming boyfriend crap with me. My right foot is fine and driving will be a piece of cake.”
“I thought you might like me to drive you,” I pouted a little, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “But if you’d prefer to drive yourself, that’s fine.”
“I would,” she stated sincerely. Her pout was much more advantageous in getting her what she wanted than mine had been.
“And you’re sure you won’t let me help you upstairs?”
“I’ll be fine,” she insisted. “I’ll go up backwards on my ass so I won’t fall, okay Mr. Worrywart?”
I stared down into her eyes with a fierce intensity. The idea of leaving her was physically painful to me. I’d been spoiled the last day having so much time alone with her. There were a hundred things I wanted to say but the words didn’t seem like enough to express the strength of my emotions. So I just stared down at her and hoped she understood that I loved her so much that I didn’t want to leave and that tomorrow seemed a lifetime away and that I would miss her. When I was finally able to tear my eyes away from her beautiful face and break the ardent connection, I didn’t look back, going directly to my car and driving away. Even a moment of hesitation would have sent me running back to her because there wasn’t a single part of me that wanted to be away from her.
*****
I waited at the piano for Alice to get home. She had some answers to give me, whether she wanted to or not. I picked away at the keys, following the jumbled collection of notes in my head, unsatisfied by the melody that resulted. The dynamics were wrong - the style too staccato, the function too fast - and there wasn’t enough harmony to be pleasing to the ears. The inherent melody was hollow and lonely. It was not at all what I was feeling or what I had been surrounded with over the weekend, although admittedly I was nervous about Alice’s behaviour. It was never good news when Alice kept things to herself. I heard her approach from miles away, travel brochures churning through her mind to keep me out. I sighed loudly, never good news.
I spoke to her before they even had the door closed. “You may as well tell me Alice. You know I’m not going to leave you alone until you let me in.”
“I told you he wouldn’t let it drop,” Jasper murmured.
“You two deserve each other,” Emmett mumbled, irritated as he passed by the living room on his way upstairs. “Rose, I’m home.” He was never one to appreciate my silent communications with Alice.
I got up from the bench and went to the foyer. “So?” I questioned, staring only at Alice.
“I have nothing to say to you,” she replied indignantly. “After how you treated me at the hotel you can hardly expect me to be friendly with you.” She did her best to sound hurt but it was all a façade to protect her mind from my probing.
“All I did was give you a polite warning about your treatment of Bella. You were rude and Bella did nothing to offend you. You upset her with your curt behaviour.”
“We just got in Edward,” Jasper offered, trying to appeal to my sense of fairness and endearment for his mate.
“We both know that Alice would be expecting me,” I replied coldly. “You can hardly expect me to back off when this involves Bella.”
“Everything involves Bella,” Jasper stated bitingly. “One would think no other human has ever existed the way you two go on about her. Really Edward, leave Alice alone. Give her some time to unpack and collect her thoughts.”
“No, it’s okay Jazz,” Alice soothed, exchanging an understanding glance with him. They never had to say much to comprehend one another. “Edward, I don’t have answers for you and if I show you what I saw, it will just upset you. I don’t even know if it’s real or if the decisions that affect it have been made already. I only know this one thing and it makes little to no sense on its own.”
“I would appreciate seeing it Alice. Even if it makes no sense I would be better able to protect her if I have all the information.”
“How do you even know she needs protecting?”
“You know what I mean Alice. Now please, just show me.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea Edward.”
“Let me make up my own mind.” And then I saw it, one quick flash of Bella in tears, and not just a few stray teardrops but long mournful sobs that begot puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks. It was no ordinary upset, of that I was certain. I looked to Alice who stared back at me blankly.
“I told you Edward…and I’m sorry,” she murmured sincerely. She wandered off a few moments later, leaving me to my thoughts, because she knew she had no further information that could help me. I leaned towards the wall for support as the single horrible image of Bella’s undoing crashed down on me.
I checked on her that night, long after her neighbourhood had gone to sleep. I just needed to see that she was okay with my own eyes, to rid my mind of the image of her crying. I tried to push away the ominous pathos that was closing in around me. There wasn’t enough information to know the cause of her impending sorrow and yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was responsible for it, or maybe just responsible to protect her from whatever hurt her. I wished I had insisted that she let me pick her up for school. The wait from now until her arrival tomorrow morning would be like purgatory.
A/N: Reviews are greatly appreciated. I'd love to hear from you if you can take a second to make a comment.
Chapter 24: Subjugation (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.1, 19.2, 20, 21, 22.1, 22.2, 23)
Author:JCAddict/picklewinkle/Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count: 6,987
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: An angry young woman is forced to move to the town of Forks, Washington and decides that alone is the best way to be. She buries her heart and puts on a tough façade that very few people are able to break through. Can the love of a teenage vampire get through to the lost girl inside, even when his true nature is revealed? AU (alternative universe) and OOC (out of character). Bella is uber OOC. Edward, not so much.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. I'm just manipulating them like imaginary playdoh so I feel like I have some power over them **snorts**
24. Subjugation
A/N: Stephenie Meyers owns all things Twilight. Epheniestay Eyermay isway ethay authorway ofway Ilighttway andway usthay ownsway allway ofway it'sway aracterschay. *snorts* Get it? Snorts? Yes I know I'm only amusing myself, but you can't fault me for lack of creativity.
I had some crappy writer's block on this chapter. Bleh. Writer's block does not make me happy. And I'm thinking it doesn't make a reader waiting on an update too happy either.
And thank you to those who have left comments and been very supportive. I appreciate it so much. With this chapter we should break 300 reviews and that makes me all kinds of happy, like Edward kissing me happy if you're wanting for a comparison. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.
From Edward's POV...
I think Alice forgot that I was still capable of catching the emotional tone of her thoughts when she blocked me from her mind. I didn’t press her, not in front of Bella, but she was most certainly keeping me out and her mental voice was most certainly alarmed. Bella was my concern right now. The unhappiness that resulted from whatever transpired between her and Alice was very evident in the disgruntled look on her face. I had arranged to drive her home to keep her more comfortable than she would have been on the bus, and getting her into my car and on the road were my only focus.
As we made our way to the car I was a little apprehensive about the drive. I’d never been in an enclosed space with Bella before and I wasn’t sure what being constantly assaulted by her seductive scent would do to my will. It would be a power struggle that I hoped would be lessened by the amount of time and closeness we’d shared overnight. Still, her scent would either subjugate me or me it. Either way I would burn. I was becoming more used to the constant stimulation her scent activated in me. It was getting easier and easier to ignore. I worked on coming up with an excuse that might mask the truth if I had to open a window for relief. I didn’t have a clue what I would say to her if I ever had to explain my reaction to her scent. It would seem so backwards and wrong to her.
I got Bella situated in the car and got behind the wheel. My throat went up in flames when I closed the door and locked her floral scent in around me. It was like a heavy perfume that clung to everything and being smothered in it was rather like a drug, insanely bad for my resolve, but so enjoyable for my body chemistry. It wasn’t just my animal instincts in incited. There were human instincts too, and I think in some ways the repression of my nature shifted her appeal away from my thirst and towards my sexual response. While I couldn’t prevent the ways her fragrance set off my predatory attributes, it was easy to focus on the ways it made me feel like a man, the urges it caused, the fantasies it evoked and the emotions it awakened. In so many ways Bella brought out the best and worst in me, but there was no denying that she had made me feel more human, more like a man, than any other being I’d encountered during my time on this Earth. She held a power over me, and it wasn’t just her scent. It was tied up in loving her and the selflessness she brought in me.
She was shaking her head with a peculiar look on her face, and it had me a bit worried. “What are you shaking your head for?”
A wide and happy smile spread across her features. “I just remembered something. You were silly enough to fall in love with me.” I was relieved she wasn’t still bothered by her disagreement with Alice.
“Not silly, smart.” I couldn’t help but smile back at her charming manner. It was endearing to watch her talk about me loving her, the way her nose wrinkled and the quirky set of her lips, and there was a happiness on her face that had never been present like this before. It made me feel immense joy that it was a result of my love. “Are you ready to go home?”
She smiled at me while I eased the car into gear and began to pull out. I used reversing the car as an excuse to put my arm around the back of her seat. She didn’t seem to mind when I left my arm hanging there. I still wasn’t sure how much open affection was preferable for Bella. Being affectionate locked in a hotel room was one thing, but out in public, for as public as a car was, I felt unsure how much affection I could openly express without upsetting her. It was a constant battle to fight the urge to touch her, one I often lost. Every now and then I would let my fingers gloss over hear hair softly, just to soothe the pull in me. Besides, any physical contact between us reminded me of her fragility and kept me focused on being gentle with her to keep her safe. There could never be enough reminders where Bella’s safety was concerned.
“How is your leg doing?” I inquired, wishing the incessant scorching would moderate so I could relax and enjoy the opportunity of being alone with Bella more fully.
“Stop fucking worrying so much. It’s fine.” I couldn’t quite tell if I was annoying her with my questions or if she was just being Bella.
“Okay, answer me this. Would you tell me if it hurt?”
“Probably not,” she smiled.
“Well then you’re just going to have to get used to my questions.”
“Well then you’re just going to have to get used to my questions,” she muttered in a quiet mocking voice. By the look of her smile she was amusing herself.
I snickered quietly under my breath. She was going to be a handful, that was for sure, not that I wanted to control her. The contrary shift in my attitude since first meeting Bella was quite fantastic. At one point I was sure controlling her was the only way I’d have any success at protecting her from me. Who knew that falling in love with her would protect her more fully for a different set of reasons?
My throat continued to burn far more strongly than I had expected it would after spending the night with her in my arms. It was manageable, but far from comfortable, and beginning to lessen as my body acclimated to her pungent redolence. At least I was not worried about being a physical threat to Bella’s safety, and if I ever felt so out of control that being near me put her at a lethal risk, then I would leave to protect her. She would not die at my hands or suffer in any way because of my nature. I would not allow it.
“What are you thinking about?” she wondered softly. I glanced over at her and she looked concerned.
“Nothing, why?”
“Your face got very serious,” she noted petulantly. “So it can’t be nothing, or you wouldn’t look so…not happy.”
“And what does looking ‘not happy’ entail, if I may ask?” I smiled wryly. It was a wonder she hadn’t noticed more about my nature, or perhaps she had and was just keeping it to herself.
“I don’t know. You look all broody and shit. Like somebody peed in your Cheerios.”
I blinked hard at her euphemism, and bit back a laugh. “Broody?”
“Yes broody. I know that face. You’re thinking about something that upsets you.” She was as sure of her observations as I was that she was right.
“I’m not broody…I’m cogitating…perpending if you will.”
“Broody,” she repeated. “Call it whatever you want to call it. You’re still thinking about something that upsets you.”
“How can you know me so well already?” I mused.
“Instinct.”
“And what do your instincts tell you about me?” My ever-present fear that she would one day figure out the truth about what I really was flared. It was probably the most dangerous question I had ever asked her. If she had any instincts at all she would know to stay away from me, like most humans. Her instincts were a mystery to me. She noticed everything, far more than any other human I’d ever encountered, and yet seemed to possess some inherent indifference to danger and consciously ignored our differences. Perhaps the same thing that closed off her mind to me gave her some kind of intuitive sense of others and blocked her natural instinct for self-preservation?
“That you love me…that you would never hurt me…that you’re broody,” she smirked.
“Well you’re right in the first two cases,” I chuckled, relieved that her instincts seemed to be grounded in the here and now.
“But you don’t want to tell me what you were thinking about?” she wondered quietly.
“I was thinking that I never want to be the cause of pain in your life.” That was close enough to what I was thinking that it was almost the truth. The part of me that feared losing Bella warred with the part that sought frankness. Even though she would likely reject me if she ever learned the truth of my nature, there was a part of me that wished I could just stop all of the deceit and pretense, and be completely honest with her.
“Why would you be worried about that?”
“I was wondering if my questions about your leg bothered you and my mind sort of drifted in that direction,” I admitted honestly. “I’m still learning what bothers you, and trying to balance it with my own instincts.”
“And what do your instincts tell you about me?” she asked with a smirk.
“That you’re a handful…that you deserve the world…that I love you.”
“You’re so smitten,” she teased.
“I’m not going to deny it.” I reached for her hand and brought it to my lips, kissing it softly. “I love you.” The smell of her wrist so close to my nose intensified the flames of my thirst momentarily. I did not let go of her wrist or let any of my struggle show in my outward appearance. I knew the blaze would only be a brief flash of discomfort.
She blushed and looked down. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing that…and I hope I don’t. Every time you say it my stomach drops and it all comes rushing back to me. It’s just so fucking unbelievable.”
“I love you,” I whispered. She smiled and turned her head slightly, looking up at me from under her lashes, and that was all it took to refocus my attention and make my thirst dissolve. “I love you,” I told her again. And when she continued to look at me with the sexiest side-glance I’d ever seen I told her one more time. “I love you.” Even if I still had to be careful with what I said and how I treated her, there was liberty and indulgence in saying those words to her, to not have to hide what I felt, to have her hear my words and believe them. Those words held all the promise and hope that existed between us.
“What was that?” she teased. “You what?”
I smiled crookedly at her smugness and let go of her hand, changing the subject. “I think you should tell me something about yourself that I don’t already know.”
“Like what?”
“Well if I knew what the something was then it wouldn’t be something I didn’t know, now would it?”
“Hmm, let’s see…I swear way too fucking much,” she snorted, laughing at herself.
“Really?” I asked sarcastically, shaking my head and rolling my eyes at her. “I’ve never noticed. How about something the whole world doesn’t know?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, maybe…your family…your old school…what your life was like in Phoenix?”
“You don’t want to hear that shit.”
“Yes I do, or I wouldn’t have asked.”
“Phoenix was…hot and dry. School there was…school. And I don’t have any family. My Dad died when I was young and you already know my Mom died.” As I watched her speak I could see the sadness in her eyes that she tried so hard to hide in her voice.
“Do you miss her?”
She stared blankly out the window and spoke matter-of-factly, like the whole situation was happening to someone else instead of her. “Every fucking day. But those are the breaks. Can’t do shit about it.”
“Were you close with her?”
“She was my best friend, and Charlie was her best friend, not really my Uncle. There was just no one else to take me in, and that’s how I landed up in Forks. My Mom grew up here. It’s sort of ironic bullshit at it’s best that I’m back here considering my Mom hated Forks with a passion, sort of like fate wants me to suffer the same shit she did, or some such fuckery.”
“And how did she suffer?”
“She and my Dad were young when they met and her parents disowned her when she got pregnant and ran away with him, saying she was throwing her life away and that their marriage would never last. Two years later he was killed in a car accident and they were right, only for a totally different reason. Now I’m back in the same hell hole dying to get out just like she was.”
“Do her parents still live here?”
“She was raised in Forks but her parents moved to the east coast after she left. They died years ago. Such a happy subject,” she snarked, wrinkling her nose up in mild disgust. “Aren’t you glad you asked me about my family?”
“I’m sorry if I upset you. I just want to know more about you…to know everything about you really, good and bad.” I was now completely tempered to her scent. There was no temptation beyond wanting her physically, to be nearer to her, to touch her, to kiss her. There was power in overcoming my thirst, being able to subdue the less desirable parts of my nature and supersede them with my human instincts.
“What about you? What’s your story?”
“My parents died a long time ago, so long ago that I don’t really remember them. Carlisle and Esme, my Father and Mother, are the only parents I’ve ever known.”
“Yeah but at least you have a brother and sister.”
“Yes, I’m lucky to have Alice and Emmett, and Jasper and Rosalie too, even if we aren’t related by blood.” I was splitting hairs, rephrasing my words to make the lie in them false. “I was very blessed that Carlisle found me.”
“He found you?” I was so comfortable with Bella that the truth spilled forth too easily.
“I was sick in the hospital and he nursed me back to health…and then took me in.”
“Not Alice and Emmett though?”
“Them too.”
“Where did you guys grow up?”
“We lived in Alaska before Forks…a little place called Denali…a place much like Forks in terms of size.” More half-truths. Again I wished I could tell her the whole truth. Her love spuriously emboldened my faith that she might one day be able to look past the shame of what I was.
“Wow, that’s so opposite to me. I came from huge hot city and you came from a tiny cold town. So do you mind small towns then?”
“They’re fine I suppose. I never really thought about it.”
“I hate them. Everybody knows everything about everyone else. There’s no fucking privacy. In Phoenix nobody gives a shit about anybody. Who gives a crap if the guy down the street is fucking your neighbour or what kind of car somebody drives or where you came from or where you’re headed for that matter?”
“I suppose if it had not been for the nature of a small town that I wouldn’t have known much about you, so it’s hard to resent it completely.”
“Ugh, you don’t know how much I hate that everybody knows so much crap about me,” she insisted, annoyed.
“Yes I do,” I smiled, proud that I knew her well enough to understand that part of her. “It was one of the first things I realized about you, that you were a private person and did not like to be the center of attention.”
“How did you know that?”
“I just got that vibe from you.” I watched you like a stalker, picking your image out of the minds of your classmates.
“Has anyone ever told you that you drive too fast?” she asked casually. My eyes moved to the speedometer fretfully. It wasn’t that fast.
I glanced over at her and she was watching the scenery pass by outside the window. “Does it bother you?”
“Nope. Should it?”
“I’ve never been in an accident.” For a human though, a normal human, this speed should seem bothersome.
“Mm-kay. When did you know you liked me?” she wondered. I bit back a laugh at her irregular line of questions.
“When did I suspect it or when did I know?”
“Know I guess,” she mumbled.
“That night in the forest when I found you dancing…I know that seems like a very strange day to realize that I liked you. You were so angry with me that day. That was the day you told me that we weren’t friends, and your comment irked me to such a degree that I rethought everything, including how I felt about you. I’d been telling myself for days that it was something else, but my heart knew otherwise. It took you pushing me away completely to make me realize that I loved you.” She was giggling quietly and I didn’t understand what I’d said that made her laugh, unless it truly was the absurdity of falling in love with her when she told me she didn’t even want to be my friend. “What are you laughing at?” I asked softly.
“That was the same day I knew I’d fallen for you,” she giggled. “The day we traded playlists and I told you I didn’t want to be friends with you, that was me pulling back because I felt like a fucking idiot when I realized I’d fallen in love with you.”
“That’s why you pulled away?” Even in hindsight I would have never guessed that was her reasoning that day.
She nodded. “I was sure it was the stupidest motherfucking thing I’d ever done, so much so that when labelled it as love in my head I threw up. It’s why I went out that night. I didn’t set out to get drunk. I just wanted to run away from my feelings… to not feel like an idiot for half a second.”
“I have a confession to make,” I admitted quietly. I looked over at her and she was smiling at me. “Alice told me that you were upset when she saw you after school that day, and I was worried about you so I went looking for you.”
“So that’s how you found me?” Understanding lit her features.
“Yes.”
A light flush rose on her cheeks. “I must have made such an ass of myself that night. I…”
I interrupted her. “Not at all Bella. It was endearing to see you so light-hearted. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you while you danced. I was captivated. When you asked me to dance…when I held you, I knew I couldn’t fight my feelings anymore. There wasn’t anything I had ever wanted more in my life than to hold you that night.”
“I don’t know why. I’ve made things so difficult for you.” One side of her mouth turned downwards as she stared down dejectedly into her lap.
“You told me not to worry so much about you, well don’t you worry so much about me. I wasn’t lying when I told you that I love every part of you. The parts about yourself that you loathe so strongly are some of the parts of you that I find most interesting.”
“I think you’re a glutton for punishment,” she joked, but I was fairly sure she was trying to hide her true feelings in her sentiment.
“I could say the same of you. I’m not the easiest man to get along with. I can be…bossy…possessive…overbearing…stop me any time,” I laughed. She was looking at me disbelievingly. “What? You think you’re the only one with skeletons in your closet?”
“Edward every freshman, sophomore and junior in school would like to date you, and probably most seniors come to think of it. You’re like the cat’s meow buddy. I hate to break it to you. I think your closet could be filled with skeletons and axe-murders and dead bodies and you’d still be the guy everyone wanted to get with.”
“It wouldn’t bother you if my closet was filled with dead bodies?” I teased. In my head I wondered if her answer would change if she knew how many murders were on my hands.
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “It might be useful to know an actual murder to do my dirty deeds.”
“Dirty deeds?”
“Well someone’s got to help me get Mike Newton off my back,” she joked.
“Yes, we’ll see how dear Mike takes to the news that you are no longer available to fill the lead role in his petty fantasies.” Ignorant foolish boy.
“So are we going to tell people?”
“Do you want to?”
“There you go again with the question as an answer thing.”
“I’m happy to tell everyone that we’re together, but I can respect your need for privacy too. I will leave it up to you. I think there are a few key people that need to be aware of it. Say Charlie for instance, since otherwise he might be wondering why I’m hanging around his house so often. And of course I’ll tell my parents and siblings, not that they don’t know about you…but that we are official,” I smirked proudly. “But if you’re asking me if I’d like to tell Mike Newton specifically? Yes, I would very much like to sit him down and explain in no uncertain terms that he is not to bother you and that you are most definitely off the market.”
“Poor Mike. What’s he ever done to you?” she razzed.
“He thinks he has a right to you, and that you’re just playing hard to get. It would be a pleasure to teach him the difference between playing hard to get and taken.”
“He’s harmless,” she mused. “A ginormous clueless pain in the ass, but a harmless one. And you don’t need to worry. There’s only one person I love.”
“And it’s not Mike?” I teased, fishing for the words.
“No, it is Mike. I’m just using you to make him jealous,” she giggled.
I feigned horror. “I figured as much. I knew it was too good to be true.”
“I’m pretty transparent.” I looked over at her and noticed her yawn.
“Is your pain manageable?” I wondered.
“Yeah, it’s the same as always,” she assured me. I studied her face a little more carefully. Her expression was relaxed but her eyelids were heavy.
“You look tired. You should close your eyes and try to sleep.”
“I don’t want to sleep,” she whined. I think if she could have she would have stomped her foot in defiance.
“Are you tired?” I murmured gently.
“Do you have a need to be right?”
“Yes.”
“Fine then yes. But I still don’t want to sleep.”
“It won’t hurt to try. I’ll be right here.”
She huffed and gave in, pulling the handle on the seat to recline it a small amount, and then turned slightly into the chair back, tucking her hands under her chin and closing her eyes. She knew I was watching her and she grinned widely. “I’m trying here,” she offered, not opening her eyes, her polite invitation to me to stop watching her.
“Sweet dreams,” I murmured.
She opened one eye. “Love you,” she answered. The words were still a marvel to hear. It would never cease to amaze me that she loved me too. With a soft sigh she drifted off and slept for the remainder of the ride while I watched her peaceful face.
She was still sleeping when I pulled into her driveway. I hated to wake her but I doubted that meeting Charlie while carrying his sort of daughter into the house would make the best first impression. I smoothed the hair that had fallen onto her cheek off of her face softly, caressing her cheek as my hand moved across it. Her skin was so soft and warm under my fingertips. I bent close to her face and whispered in her ear. “Bella, we’re home. You need to wake up now.”
A smile spread across her face as she stretched and a small groan left her mouth. Slowly her eyes opened. “Hi,” she rasped.
“Hi,” I smiled. “I missed you while you were sleeping.”
“Sorry. I would have much rather spent the whole time awake but my boyfriend is kind of a control freak and he insisted that I take a nap.”
“He must love you a lot if he’s willing to give up the pleasure of your company for the good of your health.”
She shrugged mockingly. “Pssshhttt, I guess,” she smiled.
“Stay put,” I warned. “Let me go around and help you out.”
“Are you going to follow me around for the next six weeks and do everything for me?” she mocked.
“If you’d let me,” I razzed. “There will still be swelling and pain for a number of days. It’s best to take it as easy as you can and keep your leg up if at all possible. It will make the healing go more smoothly.”
“How do you know so much about broken bones?” she wondered. That would be the two medical degrees that I’ve earned in my eighty odd years as a vampire.
“My Father is a doctor, remember?”
“Oh yeah…staying put.”
I pulled her crutches out first, and then opened her door for her. She took my hand and allowed me to pull her out. “Would you prefer to go the to door by yourself, or would you allow me to help you?” I wondered out loud.
“Charlie is going to make all kinds of fun of me either way so you may as well come meet him…if you want to.”
“All right.” I grabbed her bag out of the trunk and followed her up the porch. As she was taking her keys out I leaned in and kissed her forehead lightly.
“What was that for?”
“Because I know you’ll kill me if I try to kiss you goodbye in front of Charlie.” She rolled her eyes at me and smiled.
“If you’re going to kiss me goodbye, with the potential of mountains of ridicule in getting caught by Charlie, you may as well make it worth our while.” She fisted my shirt and pulled me towards her. I willingly leaned into her body and kissed her waiting lips. There was still a rush when our lips met and this was no exception. It was impossible to forget the delicate pressure of her mouth on mine, the warmth of her kiss, and her taste on my tongue, but no memory did justice to the real thing. I wanted to pull her to me and kiss her properly but I was worried about subverting her balance on the crutches, so I settled for the connection of our lips and poured my efforts into making it all it could be. I let her control it, working hard at giving her satisfaction while I enjoyed the sensuality of the union. She pulled back panting and looked up at me with liquid brown eyes.
“Was that better?” I whispered, planting one more chaste kiss on her lips before I pulled back completely.
“Much,” she agreed breathlessly. “You’re very good at the whole kissing thing,” she mused, licking her lips and grinning while she opened the door.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I offered in a quiet murmur as I held the door open so she could hobble inside.
“Charlie, I’m home.” I heard a chair slide across the floor and footsteps. His mind was filled with worry for Bella’s leg. A middle-aged man appeared, salt’n’pepper hair, clean-shaven, wearing jeans and a t-shirt and bare feet. By the looks of his appearance he was as laid back as my estimation of him had been. His face was blank but his mind was actively sizing me up. He wanted to know if I was the guy who had hurt Bella, and what I was doing here. He decided I looked harmless enough, although there was some apprehension about my age. His instincts were pretty spot on.
“Who’s this?” he asked, pushing a hand through his hair roughly and then scratching at his chin.
“Charlie, this Edward Cullen. He…drove me home.” I didn’t expect her to introduce me as her boyfriend but I still hoped she would. I tried to hide my disappointment as she turned to look at me. “Edward, this is my Uncle Charlie.”
“Edward, huh?” His impressions of me were satisfactory, that I looked clean cut and put together enough, and that I was perhaps a suitable alternative for Bella if she had to have a boyfriend. I was relieved that he wasn’t diametrically opposed to me being with her.
I held my hand out to him politely and he shook it firmly. “Nice to meet you Charlie.”
“Same here. Thanks for making sure she got home okay.” There was relief in his thoughts that wasn’t inferred by his tone, an affinity towards me for caring enough to make sure Bella got home safely. We were definitely on the same page in terms of wanting to keep Bella protected.
“It was my pleasure.”
“So Bells, how’s the leg?" Charlie chuckled. Just like Bella he hid his true thoughts in sarcasm and jokes. They were very alike and probably well suited to live together.
“It’s fine, and remember, I am armed. Don’t think I won’t belt you with one of these crutches if you cross a line. I’m hurt, not maimed.” Her punchy manner with him provided unambiguous proof of their easy relationship.
“Do you need help getting upstairs?” Charlie asked.
“No, thanks. I can make it fine on my own.” I shot her a disapproving glance.
“Well I’ll leave you two to it then,” Charlie mumbled, turning around and heading back towards what I assumed was the kitchen. He was hesitating speaking his thoughts. As always he was concerned with saying too much and upsetting her. He stopped and turned back towards us. “Will I be seeing you soon Edward?” He was letting me know that despite Bella’s exclusion of who I was to her, he knew very well that I was her boyfriend.
“Yes Sir, I think you will.” Bella rolled her eyes and I smiled at her. Charlie shot Bella a knowing glance and walked away. He understood our entire relationship intuitively. “You must like that you have to say so little to him,” I whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“He understands that we are together, does he not?”
“He does, but how do you know?”
“Just the look he gave you. Besides, I told you, most people are easy to read. So I will pick you up for school in the morning?”
“I can drive Edward. I’m not an invalid.”
I expected her refusal. I softened my voice and widened my eyes to boost the effects of my persuasion. “You won’t even take it easy for a few days, for me?”
“Oh don’t pull that concerned charming boyfriend crap with me. My right foot is fine and driving will be a piece of cake.”
“I thought you might like me to drive you,” I pouted a little, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “But if you’d prefer to drive yourself, that’s fine.”
“I would,” she stated sincerely. Her pout was much more advantageous in getting her what she wanted than mine had been.
“And you’re sure you won’t let me help you upstairs?”
“I’ll be fine,” she insisted. “I’ll go up backwards on my ass so I won’t fall, okay Mr. Worrywart?”
I stared down into her eyes with a fierce intensity. The idea of leaving her was physically painful to me. I’d been spoiled the last day having so much time alone with her. There were a hundred things I wanted to say but the words didn’t seem like enough to express the strength of my emotions. So I just stared down at her and hoped she understood that I loved her so much that I didn’t want to leave and that tomorrow seemed a lifetime away and that I would miss her. When I was finally able to tear my eyes away from her beautiful face and break the ardent connection, I didn’t look back, going directly to my car and driving away. Even a moment of hesitation would have sent me running back to her because there wasn’t a single part of me that wanted to be away from her.
*****
I waited at the piano for Alice to get home. She had some answers to give me, whether she wanted to or not. I picked away at the keys, following the jumbled collection of notes in my head, unsatisfied by the melody that resulted. The dynamics were wrong - the style too staccato, the function too fast - and there wasn’t enough harmony to be pleasing to the ears. The inherent melody was hollow and lonely. It was not at all what I was feeling or what I had been surrounded with over the weekend, although admittedly I was nervous about Alice’s behaviour. It was never good news when Alice kept things to herself. I heard her approach from miles away, travel brochures churning through her mind to keep me out. I sighed loudly, never good news.
I spoke to her before they even had the door closed. “You may as well tell me Alice. You know I’m not going to leave you alone until you let me in.”
“I told you he wouldn’t let it drop,” Jasper murmured.
“You two deserve each other,” Emmett mumbled, irritated as he passed by the living room on his way upstairs. “Rose, I’m home.” He was never one to appreciate my silent communications with Alice.
I got up from the bench and went to the foyer. “So?” I questioned, staring only at Alice.
“I have nothing to say to you,” she replied indignantly. “After how you treated me at the hotel you can hardly expect me to be friendly with you.” She did her best to sound hurt but it was all a façade to protect her mind from my probing.
“All I did was give you a polite warning about your treatment of Bella. You were rude and Bella did nothing to offend you. You upset her with your curt behaviour.”
“We just got in Edward,” Jasper offered, trying to appeal to my sense of fairness and endearment for his mate.
“We both know that Alice would be expecting me,” I replied coldly. “You can hardly expect me to back off when this involves Bella.”
“Everything involves Bella,” Jasper stated bitingly. “One would think no other human has ever existed the way you two go on about her. Really Edward, leave Alice alone. Give her some time to unpack and collect her thoughts.”
“No, it’s okay Jazz,” Alice soothed, exchanging an understanding glance with him. They never had to say much to comprehend one another. “Edward, I don’t have answers for you and if I show you what I saw, it will just upset you. I don’t even know if it’s real or if the decisions that affect it have been made already. I only know this one thing and it makes little to no sense on its own.”
“I would appreciate seeing it Alice. Even if it makes no sense I would be better able to protect her if I have all the information.”
“How do you even know she needs protecting?”
“You know what I mean Alice. Now please, just show me.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea Edward.”
“Let me make up my own mind.” And then I saw it, one quick flash of Bella in tears, and not just a few stray teardrops but long mournful sobs that begot puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks. It was no ordinary upset, of that I was certain. I looked to Alice who stared back at me blankly.
“I told you Edward…and I’m sorry,” she murmured sincerely. She wandered off a few moments later, leaving me to my thoughts, because she knew she had no further information that could help me. I leaned towards the wall for support as the single horrible image of Bella’s undoing crashed down on me.
I checked on her that night, long after her neighbourhood had gone to sleep. I just needed to see that she was okay with my own eyes, to rid my mind of the image of her crying. I tried to push away the ominous pathos that was closing in around me. There wasn’t enough information to know the cause of her impending sorrow and yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was responsible for it, or maybe just responsible to protect her from whatever hurt her. I wished I had insisted that she let me pick her up for school. The wait from now until her arrival tomorrow morning would be like purgatory.
A/N: Reviews are greatly appreciated. I'd love to hear from you if you can take a second to make a comment.