Iridescence Legacy ;; Generation 3.2
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1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6
2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5. 1/ 2
3.1
† download an iridescence †
When we last left the Iridescences, Hazard and Jebidiah got hitched, Energy kicked Deceit out of the house (who then proceeded to basically stalk them), and Jeb gave birth to a very unexpected half-alien child named Vigor.
We start 3.2 with Energy, who is still being harassed by her parents, even after death.
Energy: No, no. Dad, you're fucking dead, you can't even eat and... Mom, what the hell are you doing lying on the floor? Seriously, how dramatic can you be? EVERYONE JUST GO BACK INTO YOUR GRAVESTONES, FFS! I don't have time for this kind of blatant insanity; I got pilates in an hour.
Meanwhile, downtown...
Hazard: Hi there. I've decided I want to be entirely more manly so I can strike the fear of God - aka, me - into the hearts of my enemies just by a mere look at my epic badassery. Do you have anything that will achieve this?
Jennie: Uh.. you may be asking the impossible, but I'll let one of my technicians know what you're looking for and see if they can work a miracle. I wouldn't hold your breath over it though.
Turns out, said technician was actually Hope.
Hazard: Do you even know how to use that thing?
Hope: I don't know, I can't really remember what I ate this morning, let alone what my skills are. But hey, let's find out, shall we?
Oh boy.
That's... uh, pretty?
Hazard: Fuck you, it's manly as hell. I'm like the personification of Thor.
Thor actually had a hammer...
Hazard: QUIET, PEASANT.
Oh christ, another one. Hm. Perhaps I might try to make this one real, since Hazard can actually make the potion for it already. We shall see...
Anyway, the Summer Festival came to town so I sent Hazard and Vigor to go check it out. Because hi, how cute are they right now? Ugh I love this family, lol.
Jeb was already there, stuffing his face in an eating contest. Do you see why I just thought he was getting fat before? lol
Jebidiah: Bow down to the King, bitches! Nobody in this town can shove more wieners into their mouth than me, and that's a fact! *snaps*
Yes, yes. Good job. lol
JESUS CHRIST, THE SIZE OF THIS DOG THOUGH.
O.O
Can we just take a moment and...
He makes such a pretty princess ^_^
When they came home, Hazard found that he had so much fun being a step-dad to Vigor that he wanted a child of his own.
Hazard: Babies... must have all the babies!
Okay, slow down there, tiger. Ya'll are getting three kids, max. I ain't doing another clusterfuck like you and your brother and sisters. That was insanity.
So... what, are you trying to clone yourself or something?
Hazard: SHUT UP, I'M WORKING HERE. Can't you see this is a delicate process?!!
...Clearly.
Hazard: Lovemuffin snugglebottom! I have found it, the answer to all our woes!
Jebidiah: We... have woes?
Hazard: Yes, and I have fixed them! I have created a potion that will allow me to plant my man-seed in you and create ALL THE BABIES! :D
Jebidiah: Holy crap, really? You are fantastic, master. I bow to your genius.
Hazard: I know, I'm glorious, aren't I? Now quickly, take the potion! We must get started right away!
Jebidah: Yeah okay, but uh, first... can you please take a shower? You're not exactly looking really delicious right now.
Hazard: Yes, yes, fine. But we must act quickly! Go, my little firefly!
And so he did ^_^
Jebidiah: Are you sure this is going to work?
Hazard: There's actually a 7% chance you might die from this, but no matter. Now take off your pants and let me ravish you!
Lol, we'll see how this goes.
The next day was Energy and Karim's two year anniversary, so I let them throw a beach party with the fam because I will literally take any excuse for them to all be together again.
Hazard: You actually think there's a voting process for me to become King of all Evil? Please, you foolish child. I Will take what is mine, with fire and with blood!
Hope: Hey, don't preach at me! I'm just trying to ask questions so one day I might actually be smart, you don't have to degrade me for it!
Levar: Wow, you are as beautiful as a rose....
Karim: Dude, quit hitting on my wife.
Deceit spend the majority of the afternoon over by the bar, basically hating his life.
Deceit: Yeah, that's right. Laugh it up and have fun. But one day, one day, I shall have my revenge...
Summer spent her time playing must for everyone, which was nice since I forgot to have them pack a boombox.
Only Hope seemed to enjoy it though.
Hope: OMG, YOU'RE SO TALENTED! If you weren't my sister I'd throw my panties at you, yayyyyy!
o.O
Also, let's take a moment to appreciate Gold in the background, looking really sickly with her new vampire skintone, lol.
Hope's husband, Levi, spent all damn day on his laptop like a loser.
Levi: This is such a great party!
Omar: Dude, get a life. Seriously, World of Warcraft can wait one day.
I don't know why Jeb insisted on wearing a shirt with his speedo, but he spent most of his time fishing while Hazard tried not to get caught in his line. He failed miserably on that front. Twice.
All in all though, it was a very nice anniversary party ^_^
Levar: *creepily pines after Energy*
Hope: Omg, quit it! Nobody invited you anyway, stahhhppp.
BABY BUMP!!!
Hazard:
Since they have a retarded amount of money, I sent Jeb off to the spa to get his pregnant ass pampered :D
Fuck, FINALLY.
Karim: *golf claps* Yay me, now I can finally retire.
Yes, yes you may.
Literally like two seconds after he called and did so though, the butler decided to protest... the fact that there aren't more yetis in town? Idfk.
Gurl, he ain't in office anymore. I don't know what you plan to gain from this.
Brenda: If you don't allow me to keep a yeti as a pet, I will kill you in your sleep... DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES, KARIM!
Anyway, with his massive lifetime reward points I bought them a food replicator. It's so boss.
Oh also with Energy's I bought a teleportation pad. However I don't think anyone has actually used it yet, lol.
DUDE, YOU ARE SUCH A DICK.
Hazard: My candy, mine!
Vigor: *wails*
Sigh.
Anyway, as a gift to the happy couple, Karim decided to try his hand at magic again to give Jeb a healthy pregnancy.
Jebidiah: Holy crap, put me down...!
Karim: Hush, child! This is supposed to happen, now let me concentrate!
Luckily, it did work out in Jeb's favor.
Jebidiah: Oh man, I feel fantastic!
You're lucky he didn't blow you up like he did with the sink. I'm just saying.
Aww, they're still so cu--
Karim: Man, after all these years, you still got a nice set of knockers.
...You just had to ruin it, didn't you? -__-
Leisure Day came around so I let the boys fuck around in the pool for an obnoxiously long time. Basically because I was too busy trying to stalk Summer and Krista's second child, Nawwaf.
I shit you not.
Nawwaf.
Unfortunately, the moment I brought Energy over to their house so I could meet the little strange-named bastard, this happened :[
Grim Reaper: Damnit, woman. Did you not read the memo I sent out last week? No dying on other people's porches!
Look at her gravestone, though! How bad ass is that? I did good with her ^_^
They didn't really have a minute to grieve though, because later that night...
Jebidiah: Honey? Lovepoodle, WAKE UP! Fuck, the baby's coming! HAZARD!!!!!!!
Hazard: *snores*
Jeb ended up going to the hospital alone since Hazards a bit of a douche, lol, but look what he came out with! This is Envy, who is insane and artistic.
OMG!! fjhdsjkfbsdkjfbdjk /flails everywhere
SHE IS PERFECT.
Unfortunately, her birth only brought on tears for Jebidiah.
Hazard: What's the matter, pumpkin noodle?
Jebidiah: I... I miss being pregnant...
Hazard: Aw, honey, it's okay. Don't worry, I'll mix you up another potion stat; we'll have a baby in the oven by the end of the day!
Jebidiah: ....Really?
Hazard: Yes, really.
And so Hazard got to work :D
Jebidiah: You're going to have such a winning smile, my little princess. Can you say smile for daddy?
Envy: FOOD!
Jebidiah: ...You're going to be fat, aren't you?
Lol, probably.
Birthday derp!
Omg, this kid is fantastic. Look at him, look at him though.
He ended up rolling kleptomaniac.
No, honey, that's the wrong hole--
Envy: *AGGRESSIVELY DOES WHAT SHE WANTS CAUSE FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY*
...She's going to be fun, lol.
Anyway, the next day, Summer called up Jeb and asked if their kids could have a play date. Which... when the hell did that start happening? o.O
Summer: This is your step-cousin Scot. You two run along and play nicely, now. Don't be shy!
Scot: *stares like a creeper*
Vigor: Uh, lady, I don't do socializing...
Nobody cares what you want, child. I am your God and I will make you become friends with this creeper if its the last things I do.
Hazard: JFC Summer, you're already working on a third lesbian love child? How are you achieving this magic? Are you using potions like me and Jeb? I MUST KNOW YOUR SECRET.
Summer: Actually, our God has this mod--
STOP TRYING TO RUIN THE ILLUSION, GODDAMN!
Anyway, later that night, look who's belly popped! :D
Unfortunately, Hazard was not around to witness it.
Hazard: Bahaha, you'll never catch me!
YOU'RE RUNNING RIGHT TOWARDS-- ugh, you know what? Nevermind.
The Legacy Continues Here