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here's to a new day.
I'm hoping today is a better day than it has been. I didn't weigh myself. Fuck the scale. I have no interest. If I am going to get recovered then i'm going to have to learn to not do it. and I'm trying. All it does is upset me. Here I'm trying to make healthy decisions, and to eat nourishing foods, staying active to build muscle and be healthy.. ( Read more... ) -
I think I'm losing my mind.
I caved. I weighed. I spent the entire night dreaming about getting fat. Woke up and weighed myself. I'm up over 2.5 pounds. That's a five pound gain in a week. I'm so pissed off and irritated. None of my clothes are going to fit me. you have to understand that I don't have a wide variety of sizes. I lost over 90 pounds. I didn't keep those ( Read more... ) -
melt down city
I took a shower, go to get dressed.... And my jeans are getting too small! seriously? This fucking sucks. They are my favorite pair of jeans. ones I picked out. Not ones that are given to me. Mine. My only pair in this size. My only pair I like. This is so frustrating. I'm so stressed
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nothing new
I am all over the place emotionally. ALL over the place. I haven't weighed at all in IDK how many days.
I go back and forth between feeling relieved that I don't have to be a slave to the scale, and very concerned that I am going to blow up like a balloon. Especially since I don't know how much I'm supposed to eat! I realize this is weird, I ( Read more... ) -
exhausted and wired
Can't sleep. nightmares. been awake almost an hour. This happened the last time I drank. Hope my adrenaline crashes and I can sleep soon. I'm starving. forget eating! not with my stomach feeling tore up.
therapy in the morning.
**update** no therapy. She's sick. But that's good because one of my children is sick too. I want to be home
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Day 2
Day 2 of not weighing. I guess it's ok. I've already cried today. While being intimate with my husband I could feel my loose skin twisting and rolling into itself. And sweating. It was so distracting. I ended up crying like a baby and we didnt finish. Went for my first run in a few months. Did 5k in sub 30. So not too shabby ( Read more... ) -
more test results
Holter results came back normal.
Cardiologist said whatever is going on with me isn't heart related. I need to see my pcp to see about resolving my current issues. But that I needed to come back in two years to check the valves.
I'm frustrated. I'm not eating anymore time or money going to the doctors when my eating more seems to learn the ( Read more... ) -
can this last forever?
It's day 1 of having the scale in the basement, and the remote that goes to it upstairs, two floors away. So far I think i'm ok not weighing myself. But I have to say that i'm finding it incredibly depressing to have to eat. I laid around yesterday, and just cried and cried. I squandered a perfectly good day with my children being home by literally ( Read more... ) -
Confused... processing.. suggestions welcome and needed.
I'm really not sure what to do with this, it eats at me. I KNOW that my husband loves me. He's working really hard at understanding whats going on with me, and is my biggest supporter. The thing is, the tv is a huge trigger for me. Here's why..( Read more... )
