For The Heart I Once Had (12/12)
Jeff had expected Jared to punch him in the face. If the tables were turned and someone threatened to take one of his sisters away, Jeff would have slugged him. He hated to bring the kid down. Jared had been so happy when Jensen had sent word they were coming home, making sure to be there when they got in.
The air in Texas seemed too heavy, from the moment Jeff got out of the car. He knew it was his own guilt eating at him. This meeting wouldn't go well, he was sure of it.
"Hey!" Jared greeted them as they entered the house. Jeff carried their bags, with Jensen limping in behind him, Mila running in to hop up on Jared and lick at his face. "You've gotten so big!"
"That's what happens to puppies," Jensen said. He had his cane out and Jeff wondered exactly how bad he was hurting right now. This was his home; he should be able to navigate this room without needing his assistive devices.
Jared looked up from Mila and his eyes narrowed. "How was the vacation? You didn't comm me after you left the cabin."
"Oh." Jensen reached out with one hand and made contact with the back of the couch. He leaned against it. "I met Jeff's family."
Jared turned and faced Jeff, which was good, because that's where he could direct his anger, at Jeff, not Jensen. "Oh?"
Jeff tried to smile. "My parents and my sisters. It was like Thanksgiving without the turkey."
"Sounds exhausting." Jared gently moved Mila's paws off of his legs and walked over to where Jensen stood. "You look tired."
"I am," Jensen admitted. "How's Adrianne?"
Jared shrugged. "Great, actually. She'll be coming home tonight. She's been off-planet the past week."
Jensen nodded. "Jared . . ."
"What happened?" Jared cut in. "You look terrible, Jen. That's not something a vacation does. Unless . . ." Jared whirled around to glare at Jeff. "What did you do to him?"
"Stars," Jensen sighed. "Jared, come on. You damn well know better." He limped around the couch and eased himself onto the cushions. "I was an idiot and forgot to change the med patch."
Jared's shoulders slumped. He mouthed 'sorry' to Jeff before moving to sit next to Jensen. Jeff didn't move from the door, fully expecting to be tossed out when Jensen did tell Jared the rest of their news. He wanted Jensen to get this over with early, so Jeff wouldn't have to accept Jared's hospitality before stealing his brother.
"And what happened? Do I need to call the doctor?" Jared touched Jensen's arm. "Or do you want me to scan you?"
"Jared." Jensen dropped his head into his hands for a moment. Jeff left his post at the door and moved to lend his support, putting his hands on Jensen's shoulders. "It's always going to be like this, right? They can't fix me, nobody can figure out how to fix my DNA, or whatever the fuck Isaacs did to screw me up so much."
"Jensen, there are breakthroughs every day. You never know . . ."
"He's heard that before," Jeff broke in. "What if I could take him somewhere they'd be guaranteed to fix him?"
Jared looked up at him, more confused than angry at this point. "What do you mean?"
"Normally you know I can't talk about my missions. But I have to tell you about the one where I met Jeff."
Jared stiffened. "I can already tell I'm not going to like this."
"No, you're not."
"Stop that." Jensen smacked one of Jeff's hands. "Jeff was in charge of the Reclamation Project. You've seen that on the news feeds. They're going to be releasing info on Harmony soon enough anyway."
"Harmony?"
"Is the name of the city on planet 328," Jeff said. "It's also a living AI teeming with alien technology."
"Tech that might be able to fix me, Jare." Jensen turned towards his brother, as if reaching for him. "I want to try."
"Okay, fine. You go back there. They fix you and then?"
"Getting there isn't easy. It's not like they offer trips there from the shuttle station." Jensen folded his arms across his chest. "I'd have to hook up with the Corps again."
"Damn it, Jensen." Jared stood, his face flushed a deep red. "It's like you do this stuff on purpose!"
Jensen pushed himself to his feet. "What stuff?"
"You keep throwing yourself at danger. It's like you're not happy unless your life is at risk. Don't you care about your own damn life, Jen?"
"You don't understand, Jared. Going to Harmony is probably the most selfish thing I could do right now. They can heal me!"
"You don't know that, you're just guessing. Fuck, Jensen, I just got you back and now you're taking off for the other end of the galaxy again?"
"I can't talk to you when you're like this. It's not always about you, Jared." Jensen whistled and Mila trotted to his side. Together they walked out the front door, which slammed behind them.
Jeff knew this had to be solved between the two brothers. But he had to have his say. "You know he thinks you don't trust him to make the right decisions."
Jared looked at him, his face stricken. "What?"
"You're going to lose him, Jared, if you're not careful." Jeff shook his head. He felt for the kid, he really did. "I know it's hard to watch when someone you love does something you think is wrong. But you have to let him screw up, make his own mistakes. Otherwise that's not love, man."
"Damn it!" Jared swore and then followed Jensen out the front door.
Jeff let out a sigh. "I'll just wait here, then."
***
Jeff's words kept running through his mind - "you're going to lose him, Jared." He couldn't help the creeping fear that Jensen was already slipping through his fingers, that nothing Jared could say or do would keep him here and safe.
But that was the problem, wasn't it? Jensen didn't necessarily want safe and Jared wouldn't keep him on Earth against his will. His chest ached. Was it so wrong to want his brother close? Jared wanted Jensen happy, even more than he wanted him near. So if Jensen wanted to leave, Jared would have to let him go.
He found Jensen in one of the stables, nuzzling against Blossom's sad looking face. Jared couldn't help smiling. "How did I know I'd find you here?"
"I missed them." Jensen stepped back but still stroked the horse's muzzle. "How they smell, how they feel. I really missed riding."
"I guess they don't have horses on that planet. Harmony."
A smile snuck onto Jensen's face before he shook his head. "No, they don't."
Jared had thought of Jensen as fragile since his injuries. His brother had been broken, both mentally and physically, and it had been up to Jared to protect him from the media, the military or anyone else who wanted to get a piece of him. Looking at Jensen now, Jared didn't see the same hollow-looking Jensen he'd stolen from the military hospital. Jensen had filled out, no longer too thin. He looked tired, yes, but there was color in his cheeks. His eyes were bright with life, not dull and glazed.
Jensen didn't need Jared's protection any more. He had Jeff now, much like Jared had Adrianne. Jeff seemed to understand what Jensen needed in a way that was impossible for Jared. He could admit to himself that he was jealous of that, that he wasn't enough for Jensen.
Jensen had done so much for Jared. He'd hoped to repay his brother, just a little bit. Maybe, it wasn't about returning the favor. Maybe it all right to just be Jensen's brother.
"I'm sorry," he said, but that didn't even begin to cover everything Jared had to say.
Jensen finally turned away from the horse, facing Jared with his arms crossed over his chest. "No," he said. "I'm sorry."
Jared laughed. "Well, now that we're both sorry . . ."
"Jared."
"I don't want you to go, Jensen," Jared blurted. "But it doesn't matter what I want. Of course I want you to stay here. And maybe I've been a little overprotective."
Jensen snorted at that. Jared rolled his eyes, but even he realized that was an understatement.
"Jeff's right," Jared said. "I need to let you live your own life." Even if he hated it. Even if it took Jensen far away from him.
"You're actually taking advice from Jeff now?" Jensen scrambled for his cane and then started to walk in Jared's direction. "I actually find that a little bit scary."
"Sometimes he knows what he's talking about."
Jensen got close enough to wrap Jared in a hug, surprising him. "You know I'm not leaving you, right? I'm not running away."
Jared closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of Jensen in his arms. There had been so many times he thought he'd never see his brother again. "I do. But damn it, you're not getting out of frequent comm calls. I don't care how many beacons they need to put into orbit between here and Harmony."
With a laugh, Jensen pulled away just enough so Jared could look at him. "You'll be fine, Jared. Adrianne will keep you on your toes."
Jared blushed, glad for once that Jensen couldn't see it. "She might be pregnant," he blurted. "We're not sure yet, it's too soon to tell."
"See? You'll have plenty to worry about without throwing me into the mix." Jensen whistled and Mila came charging into the stable. "Come on, let's put Jeff out of his misery. He still thinks you're going to kick him out of the house."
"I still might."
"Jared!"
Jared wouldn't mind making Jeff sweat, just a little bit. "You know, Jen, I haven't been for a ride in ages. Feel like joining me?"
***
Jensen felt the bed dip slightly as a soft weight joined him. He smiled and reached out to scratch behind Mila's ears. "Sorry, pup, you're going to have to hide under the bed for a little bit."
She barked once in protest, but hopped off the bed obediently. It never failed to make him smile.
He could hear Jeff finishing up in the bathroom. Jensen lounged across the freshly made bed, having already disrobed, his clothes tucked away in the hamper in his closet. His body ached for Jeff's touch and he slid his own palm between his legs in anticipation.
"That's not the reception I expected," Jeff said, sounding farther away than he needed to be, probably in the doorway to the bathroom.
"Mmm, why not?" Jensen arched his body, knowing exactly what kind of a show he was giving Jeff.
"Jen, it's been a long day."
"You're avoiding it." Jensen pushed himself up to sitting, since obviously his seduction technique was not working tonight.
The bed dipped yet again, and this time it was Jeff. Jensen reached out to touch him and found Jeff sitting on the edge. "Can you blame me?"
No, he couldn't. Jensen couldn't imagine what it had been like to see someone he loved twisted up with pain. But it hadn't been a flashback, and he'd grabbed onto that like a lifeline. Jensen had been lost in pain, but he'd known exactly where he was. Jeff didn't know how much of a victory that was.
"Jeff," he said. "I never would have even considered going back to Harmony if it weren't for you. You gave me myself back."
Each tiny step they'd made together had brought Jensen closer to reclaiming his gift. He knew he couldn't have trusted anyone but Jeff in the bedroom to be his Dom.
"Don't be ridiculous," Jeff said. "You were always there." He finally gave in and turned to Jensen, placing his hands on Jensen's shoulders, thumbs rubbing circles on Jensen's already heated skin. "I just helped."
"Apparently whatever you said earlier helped Jared a lot, too." Jensen knew that would kill the mood, but it had to be said. He cupped Jeff's face between his palms, missing his usual dexterity, and once again mourned the slight backslide from the drug patch running out.
Jeff smiled, lifting one of Jensen's palms to his lips. "Good. Last thing I want is to be on your brother's bad side."
No, Jensen wouldn't want to leave things on a bad note when they left for Harmony. They hadn't even contacted Ferris yet. The decision had been made, but Jensen had needed to talk to Jared first. After today and then hearing the joy in Adrianne's voice at dinner, Jensen felt better about leaving his brother. Jared would be all right.
For the first time, Jensen would be chasing his own dream. The Sex Corps had shaped him, taught him truths about his own body and sexuality, and then had forced him to fuck for duty. Jensen decided he would never sleep with anyone he didn't want to ever again. He'd given himself to Jeff, and that was his choice.
"Jeff." Jensen leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jeff's. He bit at Jeff's lower lip, forcing him to deepen the kiss. Their mouths met and dueled, until Jeff won, pressing Jensen back against the sheets.
"Do you know how hard you are to resist when you're naked?"
Jensen laughed, stroking his hands down Jeff's chest. "Good. I have needs, you know." He arched his hips, pressing his erection against Jeff's hip.
"Ah, but we'll have to be quiet." Jeff pressed a finger to Jensen's lips. "Jared and Adrianne are just down the hall. And we don't want Mila to start howling again."
"I had a stern talk with her about that."
"Shh." Jeff kissed him into silence. "Can you keep quiet?"
Now this was a challenge. Jensen nodded, already starting to obey.
"Good boy."
It wouldn't be hard to be quiet. Not as long as Jeff kept speaking in that deep, rich voice. Jensen thought if Jeff tried he could probably bring Jensen off just by talking dirty.
Jeff mouthed down Jensen's neck, the stubble on his jaw scraping against Jensen's skin. He fisted his hands in the sheets, using that to keep from crying out. When Jeff paused to suck on one nipple, Jensen had to bite his lip. He clenched his eyes tightly shut and turned his face towards the pillow, hoping it would muffle any sounds that accidentally came out.
He could feel Jeff smile against his skin before he continued to lave at Jensen's nipple. Bastard! But Jensen didn't call him on it. He just spread his legs and held on for the ride.
When Jeff's hot mouth closed around his cock, Jensen let out a surprised yelp. He hadn't expected it so quickly. Jeff knew exactly how to play his body, where to touch to make Jensen scream. And he touched each of those places, complete with sliding a finger inside to tap at his prostate.
"Jeff," Jensen let out in a low whisper, unable to hold it back. Maybe he could talk Jeff into punishing him later for speaking.
"Let go, boy. Come for me. Want to swallow you down."
That was it. Jensen's world narrowed to nothing but Jeff sucking and fingering him, jolts of pleasure coiling up his spine. His orgasm rode him like a wave, sending his body into spasms of bliss. Jeff held him throughout the entire thing.
When Jensen could think again, he was wrapped up in Jeff's arms, half asleep. "You okay?" Jeff asked.
"That's one way to put it," Jensen said. He inhaled deeply, enjoying the mix of his and Jeff's scents. "Did you?"
"When you did." Jeff sounded embarrassed.
It only solidified everything Jensen believed. Jeff knew him, body and soul. There wasn't anyone he trusted more to travel to Harmony with and find healing. Stars, Jeff had been responsible for so much of Jensen's healing already.
He knew they'd probably have to deal with the Corps and whatever screw-up they'd made of relations with Harmony. It wouldn't be easy. But Jensen had never backed down from a challenge in his life.
"Glad you're with me," he said to Jeff, hoping he understood everything Jensen didn't say.
Jeff pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Good. Now call that dog up here before she gets pissed at you and eats your shoes."
Jensen laughed. Whatever the future held, he would have Jeff at his side and Jared at his back. He was ready to face tomorrow and cut whatever deal necessary to get them back to Harmony. Jensen was looking forward to the challenge.
end
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