For The Heart I Once Had (7/12)
Jeff should have known it couldn't last. Even though they were cut off temporarily from the world around them, that didn't mean that world didn't exist. While they were sequestered here, relearning each other's bodies and minds, the world continued to spin. They would have had to emerge eventually at some point to make Jensen's doctors' appointments. Jeff just didn't expect it to be so soon.
The message had been left on his comm. Jeff had left it behind while they were out swimming. Hell, he didn't carry the damn thing around on purpose. He'd do whatever he needed to maintain this illusion of a private world.
Unfortunately he couldn't deny the blinking light, telling him he had one message. With a sigh, Jeff played it back. He wasn't surprised to see Rick's face on the recorded hologram.
"Hey Jeff. What, are you too busy with your date to answer your comm? You know me and David can't let you have all the fun. We're planning on coming up tomorrow, staying a few days. We missed you, you SOB. What the hell were you doing on the ass end of space anyway? Anyway, see you bright and early. There are fish that need to be caught."
"There aren't any damn fish," Jeff said with a laugh as he closed the message. Damn it. While it would be good to see those assholes again, it was sure going to fuck any furthering of his and Jensen's relations.
Might as well give the bad news.
Jeff found Jensen toweling his hair as he came out of the shower. He took a moment to appreciate the sight, the way the droplets of water beaded on Jensen's trim abdomen, as if even they couldn't bear to leave him. With his hair wet, Jensen looked younger and even more vulnerable.
"Hey, Jen."
Jensen slung the towel around his neck and grinned. "Hey."
Jeff licked his lips, imagining licking up each drop of water. He shook his head, as if he could shake the thoughts from his mind. "Got some news. Few buddies of mine are coming up to visit."
"One of them the guy who owns this place?"
"Yeah. That's Rick." And Jeff needed a year to sum up Rick, but for now that would do.
Jensen nodded. "I guess it's time I meet some of your friends, right?"
He hadn't thought about it like that. Jeff had already met Jensen's family, and some of his closest friends from the Sex Corps. From the outside, it might look like Jeff was hiding Jensen, and that was the last thing he wanted.
"Yeah," Jeff agreed. "About damn time."
***
Jensen didn't know where Jeff had gone off to. He might be in the kitchen, or maybe cleaning the grill out back. It didn't matter, Jensen had settled himself on the couch, Mila tucked at his feet while he had his ear cam read to him from an old style book. There had been a collection of them, shoved into a set of built-in shelves near the cabin's entrance. Jensen figured this Rick guy was either a collector or they'd come with the cabin.
Jensen just aimed the cam and ordered it to read, not minding the perky voice for this. He'd lost himself in the story, caught up in the adventures of Harry and his friends. If only real life was so simply black and white.
Mila leapt off the couch, the lack of her warmth on his feet suddenly startling. She barked and Jensen silenced the cam. "Jeff?" he called.
It took him a moment to hear it - the sound of a hover cart landing.
Before he could run off to find Jeff he heard the door slide open.
"Hey there, girl," a voice said, greeting the still barking Mila.
Jensen swallowed against the sudden dryness in his throat. He'd hoped Jeff would have been by his side when he'd met Jeff's friends for the first time. But he had to go introduce himself now or it would be horribly rude.
Jensen pushed himself out of the couch and walked in the general direction of the door. Hopefully the strangers would come in his direction, because he hadn't reset his earpiece to know exactly where they were. "Hi there. You must be Jeff's friends. I'm Jensen."
He didn't like the sudden silence that greeted his words. Jensen was tempted to check his crotch to make sure his fly wasn't open. Maybe he'd even forgotten to put on pants?
"You're Jen?" The shock in that voice could have knocked Jensen over.
He grinned. "Let me guess - you thought 'Jen' was a girl's name?"
Jensen hoped for a laugh at that. He admitted there had been confusion about his gender once or twice before in the past thanks to his name. Luckily in the Sex Corps it didn't seem to matter.
"Nice to meet you, Jensen, I'm David," a different voice said. He sounded full of life, like he was accustomed to laughter.
"You're Jensen Ackles," the first voice spoke again. It was a bit higher than David's and had an almost nasal quality to it.
Jensen could feel his face heat. Of course Jeff's friends had seen the news feeds. He had no idea how much his face had been shown around, although Jeff had told him about the horrible video where Mike had been killed had been shown over and over again.
"Yeah, that's me." He rubbed the back of his neck, wishing he could see them. Jensen could only guess at their reactions and the silence was giving him shit to work with.
"That's Rick," David said, slapping his hand on Jensen's shoulder as he walked past. Jensen barely kept from wincing at the uninvited touch. "Where's Jeff hiding anyway? Out back with the fish?"
Jensen listened to the clumps of their footsteps as they made their way through the cabin. He heard the clatter of Mila's nails against the wooden floor.
"She your guide dog?" Rick asked gruffly.
"I suppose once she gets trained a bit more. Mila, come," Jensen ordered. Immediately the dog pressed against his leg as she sat beside him.
"Seems pretty well trained already."
"Thank you." Jensen decided to take it as a compliment, he knew he'd already surprised Rick once and not in a good way.
"I'm sure you know all about that," Rick said as his footsteps continued to move through the cabin.
Jensen blinked, not completely sure he'd heard the comment. He touched his earpiece and changed the settings, so he'd start getting descriptions again. Both of the men had left the room, probably looking for Jeff.
"Well, come on Mila," Jensen murmured. "Find Jeff." He'd be better equipped to deal with Jeff's friends once he had Jeff by his side.
***
Jeff ended up grilling dinner for everyone that evening. It had been good to see Rick and David, since it had been years since all three of them were on the same planet at the same time. At one point they'd all served together, before transfers and the war had separated them.
Rick had dumped his stuff in the second bedroom and David had said loudly that he was fine with the couch - it did pull out into a bed after all. They were invading the space that had been just Jeff and Jensen's these past few weeks and Jeff found he didn't like that. Although that wasn't quite fair, since this was Rick's cabin and Jeff was only borrowing it.
"So, you finally retired?" David took another sip out of a long-necked bottle of beer.
They sat around the fire pit in the back. Logs crackled in the metal half-sphere, bright sparks sizzling in the dark. The air smelled of earth and smoke, although the wind did carry it towards the lake, large pieces of ash fluttering away.
Jensen sat in a lawn chair on Jeff's right, nursing a glass of root beer after he'd politely refused the beer in the cooler Rick and David had brought. Jeff knew the alcohol would fuck with his meds, but he was more concerned to see David drinking. Last time he'd checked, David had sworn off the stuff.
Jeff sipped at his, holding the bubbling liquid in his mouth for a moment to get a good taste. The flavor told him this was from a microbrew rather than the mass produced stuff they normally got on ship. "Yeah." Jeff said, not wanting to get into his reasons with Jensen sitting right there.
"Question is, are you going to stay retired?" David laughed. "Rick, here, is going back."
That was news to Jeff. "Really?"
Rick shrugged. "Got a ship in drydock. If I want it, the MacGruber is mine."
"But do you want it?" Jeff shook his head. He'd had enough of command. The last thing he'd want was to be captain.
Rick shrugged, sprawling back in his chair. He'd gotten heavier since the last time Jeff had seen him, and he'd let the gray take over his hair. Maybe getting back in the game was exactly what Rick needed. "It would be about damn time. I'd get to pick my own crew."
"Sounds like you've decided."
"Thinks are changing out there." Rick tapped his bottle against the chair. "Confed is carving itself up. We need to take advantage."
Jeff frowned. This was the last thing he wanted to talk about. "What about you, David?" he said instead. "What are you up to?"
David laughed again, but it rang hollow. "Oh, I'm staying grounded. I've got two daughters to keep an eye on, and let me tell you, I'm keeping my laser rifle loaded."
They all laughed at that, even Jensen who hadn't said much. Mila trotted around the back, sniffing at the trees, until he snapped his fingers and she curled up at his feet.
"How about we toast up those marshmallows?" Rick pushed himself out of his chair.
Jeff groaned. "You guys brought marshmallows? What, is this summer camp?"
"Shut up and help me carry the rest of the s'mores stuff."
Jeff laughed. He touched Jensen on the shoulder as he stood. "Be right back," he said, following Rick back into the cabin.
"Just what the hell are you doing, Jeff?" Rick whirled as soon as the back door slammed shut.
Jeff blinked. "What are you talking about?"
Rick turned and started banging the cabinets, pulling out the bags of marshmallows that had been part of the groceries he and David had packed away earlier. "Since when do you fuck around with guys?"
"Oh come on, Rick."
"And it's not just any guy, you had to pick up Mr. Face of the Confed split?" Rick turned and gestured with a chocolate bar.
Jeff crossed his arms over his chest. "So what's the problem here exactly? That Jensen is male or that he's been dragged through the media mud?"
"You don't even see what's he's doing to you, do you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"He's a scut, Jeff. They know how to manipulate people, get you exactly where they want you."
And if that wasn't the stupidest thing Jeff had heard in the longest time. He tried to remind himself that Rick didn't know Jensen, didn't know what Jeff and Jensen had gone through together. Still, it was hard to keep his tone down. "You are so far off-base right now."
"Jeff. . ."
"Just . . . try to get to know Jensen," Jeff said. "You've barely said a word to him all day. He's a good guy, Rick."
Rick shook his head, but he didn't say anything, just went back outside with the marshmallows.
Well, that could have gone better.
***
Jensen listened as Jeff's breathing evened out, accompanied by the occasional snore. He smiled to himself as Jeff snorted in his sleep before rolling over, his breathing calming to match. When he was pretty sure Jeff was asleep, Jensen slid out of bed, palming his comm before hiding in the attached bathroom. He felt a wet nose nuzzle at his bare feet just before he shut the door.
"You can come in, just be quiet," he told Mila before closing the door behind them both.
He sat on the toilet - double checking the seat before he did so - and felt her lie over his feet, warming them from the cold tile. She was such a sweet dog and seemed to know exactly when he needed her without him having to say a word. Jensen patted her as he flicked the button on his comm. "Call Jared."
It was late, but it wasn't an unreasonable hour to call. Jared had gone back to the hospital, so he kept all kinds of crazy hours. Jensen bit his lip, remembering how he'd call right before leaving on a mission, no matter what. He'd missed only once in all the years he'd been on active duty.
"Jensen?" Jared's voice came over the comm, although he did sound a bit sleepy. "Why are you calling me from the bathroom?"
Jensen laughed. Next time he'd remember to turn off the damn camera. "Jeff's asleep. I didn't wake you, did I?"
"Just got in from work, so I'm good." Jared yawned. "You must be busy. Haven't heard from you in a few days."
"It's been nice out here," Jensen told him. "Peaceful. Well, it was. We got some houseguests, some Corps buddies of Jeff's."
"Oh?" Jared's voice was sharp. "They giving you a hard time?"
Now that Jared mentioned it, Jensen wondered if that was the reason Rick seemed so cold to him. Jensen had dealt with prejudice in the Corps for his entire career. Others in the service thought they were above the scuts, never appreciating the sacrifices the scuts made behind the scenes in order to keep others safe.
"Not really." Jensen shook his head. "I'm just a little out of place. They all served together and have all this history."
"Well if I have to drive up there and beat someone up, just let me know."
Jensen grinned. "You saying I can't do it myself?"
"I just want to be there to watch."
Jensen missed the ranch suddenly. He missed walking down to the stables and saying hi to the horses, nuzzling his favorites and sharing hidden sugar cubes. He missed riding, how he'd harness the power of the beast between his thighs, as the horse thundered through the track.
He rubbed his chest. "I miss you bro. How are things going? How's Dri?"
"Dri is wonderful." Jensen could hear the smile in his brother's voice. He was so glad Jared married her and that Jensen got to be there. If only he could have actually seen his brother get married, but Jensen decided to be grateful for what he had.
"Just one thing," Jared said and his voice sounded totally different.
"Jared?"
"I want to hire someone to manage the ranch. I've been doing most of the paperwork and behind the scenes stuff since we got it back and, I can't keep on doing it if I want to go back to medicine."
"Jared, breathe." Jensen cut into his brother's hurried explanation. "I wanted the ranch to be your home. Our home." So they'd always have a place to come back to. "I never meant for you to give up your dreams so you could run it!"
"So it's okay if I pick someone myself?"
"Well, I'd hope you'd hire someone who already works for the ranch," Jensen suggested. "They'd already be familiar with the place."
"That's a good idea."
"I'm full of them." Now if only Jensen could put some of them in motion.
"Now go get some sleep. I'll call you again soon."
"Night, bro."
Jared had given Jensen his space. He hadn't called, not once, relying on Jensen to contact him instead. Jensen had appreciated that more than anything. He always wanted to be part of his brother's life, but Jensen needed to stand on his own, with or without his sight. Just as he had to let Jared live his own life, though it had hurt to drop him off at his college dorm so many years ago. With a grin he realized how they'd come full circle, both taking turns in the parental role for the other.
"Ready for bed, girl?" Jensen asked, reaching down to stroke his hands through Mila's fur. She's gotten so big already, so different from the little pup Jeff had given him. She seemed to understand every command on the first try, without needing extensive training.
He wondered if he'd wake Jeff when he got back in bed. Jensen closed his eyes. It made it easier to picture Jeff as he'd last seen him. Jensen would never see another wrinkle or white hair; his lover would always look as perfect as the day they met. He saw Jeff's messy hair, his sleepy bedroom eyes, his brilliant grin and lightly stubbled chin.
Almost unbidden the image came to him, of how Jeff had looked when he was learning to bind Jensen using the careful rope technique back on Harmony. He loomed over Jensen, as always, so strong and powerful. But above all Jeff had that look of tenderness in his eyes. He cared and it was so obvious how much.
Jensen swallowed. He was getting hard, turned on by remembering being bound and helpless at Jeff's hands. Maybe it was because he knew Jeff would never hurt him, never take advantage of him. Sophia had said to take positive experiences and use them to blot out the negative. Maybe it was working.
Jensen hoped so. He stood carefully. Maybe Jeff wouldn't mind being woken up right about now.
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