For The Heart I Once Had (3/12)
Adrianne walked into the house, surprised when Jared's dogs galloped into the room and tackled her. Jared never had them inside when Jensen was around, and she hadn't seen Jensen out riding when she'd driven around the ranch loop. Of course, she didn't have Jensen's schedule memorized like Jared did. Who knew where her future brother-in-law was?
"Jared?" she called.
"Hey, you're early." Jared came down the steps, his hair wet and curling around the ends. It made him look younger and reminded her of the boyish man she'd fallen for back in college. "Just got back from a run with the dogs." He shooed the dogs out of his way to give her a quick little kiss.
"Sounds like fun. Where's Jensen?"
Adrianne had no idea what she'd said to cause the dark cloud to descend on Jared's face.
"He's at PT." Jared turned away, moving towards the closet next to the entryway, which he pulled open.
"All right, and you left him there and came home?" Adrianne had had a long trip. She was tired and in desperate need of a shower herself.
Jared pulled a delivery box out of the closet as he turned. "No. We have a houseguest. Someone from the Corps snuck past the gates while the delivery guy dropped this off yesterday."
Adrianne plucked the box out of his hands. "My fabric! It finally came!" She sat on the couch and slid her thumb under the flap labeled 'open here' on the edge of the box. "So what exactly happened? Someone snuck in and you didn't send them packing?"
He folded his arms over his chest and continued to scowl. "I tried. But Jensen heard us talking. Apparently this guy and Jen were together once."
"Ah." Adrianne looked up from her box. "Trying to rekindle an old flame?"
Jared had knelt to scratch behind Sadie's ears. Harley had grabbed one of the couch pillows for lack of an actual dog toy and was pushing it against Jared's side, probably hoping he'd throw it across the room so he could chase it. Despite being surrounded by his puppies, Jared still looked miserable.
"Fuck if I know. Jensen tried to spend the night with him."
Adrianne could feel her jaw dropping. "Jared! That's wonderful!"
Jared shook his head. "Jen had a panic attack right after. I had to sedate him."
Damn it. She'd had so much hope for Jensen's progress. He'd seemed so much better lately, so much so that Adrianne thought he might even be bored with nothing to focus on but his therapy and his riding. It wasn't like Jared would share any of the ins and outs of managing the ranch, though he did pretend to, giving Jensen tasks he thought his brother could handle.
"Besides," Jared continued, "Who knows what that guy really wants? He might just be trying to get into Jensen's pants to get him back into the Corps."
"Ok, now that sounds like a viable plan." Adrianne didn't think Jared got the sarcasm when he just nodded. "Jared, not everyone in the Corps is out to get you or Jensen."
"So, what the heck is in the box?" Jared finally gave in and started to tug the pillow out of Harley's mouth. Adrianne was damn glad she hadn't gone high end on the furniture in the main room.
"Fabric samples. For the wedding." If they ever agreed to a date, never mind a location or something so simple as color choices.
"And you couldn't have looked at a holo of them?" Jared won the tug of war and tossed the pillow across the room, Harley scampering after it.
She let out a breath of air. "You can't feel holos. This way, Jensen can be a part of the planning." Adrianne lifted a strip of patterned forest green fabric. "They're tactile."
"I don't think Jensen needs to be bothered with the wedding plans."
That was when she lost it. "Are you sure you want to be bothered with actually marrying me?"
"Dri! What's that supposed to mean?"
"I don't know Jared!" She stood up, letting the box fall onto the couch. "I mean, I understood when Jensen was missing! But he's back now and doing really well! There's no reason for you to keep avoiding it!"
"How can you say that? Jensen needs me. For God's sake, Dri, he's blind!"
"And that's not going to change any time soon, Jared! Are you saying you never want to get married?"
Jared opened his mouth, but before he could speak Harley dropped the pillow and began barking. Sadie joined in and both dogs ran towards the door, tails wagging so fast they were almost a blur.
Adrianne grinned at Jensen as he came through the door, following by an incredibly good-looking older man. He was not who she expected when Jared mentioned an old flame of Jensen's, but as soon as he walked in she could tell just from how he looked at Jensen that this was more than just a Corps mission. She saw love in those eyes, love and genuine concern as Jensen was sniffed and jumped on by Jared's giant beasts.
"Harley, down! Sadie!" Jared pulled them both back by their collars. They were good dogs, really, but they got to see Jensen so rarely they always freaked out at his presence.
"Hey, Jensen," Adrianne said, so Jensen would know she was there.
He grinned in her direction. "Hey, Dri. Come and give me a hug."
She embraced him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. He felt like he'd gained some weight, despite still looking so gaunt in the face. "How was therapy? They work you hard?"
"They always do." He turned and gestured towards the other man. "Adrianne this is Jeff Morgan. Jeff, this is Adrianne Palicki, Jared's fiancé."
The name clicked in her mind and Adrianne blurted out: "You're the Jeff Morgan?"
She would have expected Jared to know this, know who Jeff was, but she remembered that back in college Jared used to shy away with anything doing with Alfani. Even during the memorial services he'd go off and hide by himself, lost in the memory of his dead family.
Jeff ran a hand through his hair and looked a bit sheepish. "I honestly prefer just Jeff. Nice to meet you, Adrianne." He offered his other hand.
She shook it, noting his strong grip. "Glad to meet you, too."
"Wait, what did you mean? He's famous?" Jared stopped wrangling with the dogs long enough to ask.
"It's not important," Jeff said. "It was a long time ago."
"Jeff rescued a bunch of civilians off of Alfani before it exploded." Jensen was the one to break the silence.
Adrianne touched her lips, not sure how Jared would react. He never talked about it, but she knew it was because of his parents' death - and needing to pay for treatment for Jared's genetic illness - that Jensen had joined the Sex Corps. Oh Jared, do you still blame yourself?
Jared cleared his throat. "I'm glad someone did."
Jeff twisted his lips, as if acknowledging it was the best Jared could give him at the moment. Adrianne wondered what he really thought about it. Jeff had been paraded around in the news media for months after it had happened, then disappeared once the next battle or scandal had hit the feeds. Jared had needed to file a legal proceeding to keep the media away from Jensen, otherwise Adrianne suspected Jensen would have gotten the same treatment. Only Jensen couldn't go back to quietly serving the military until the media got bored
"You guys are a little late," Jared said, not looking up at them. He still had his hand wrapped around Harley's collar, though Sadie sat patiently at his side. "Did you end up getting lost after all?"
"We stopped in town," Jensen answered, prodding a bit with his cane as he moved towards the stairs. "I wanted to pick up a new portable comm. Funny thing, Jared, the guy at the store told me my old code was inactive. Good thing I went, huh?"
Adrianne was glad Jensen couldn't see the stricken look on Jared's face. No one could mistake the guilt in his eyes. But she did note that Jeff kept his gaze on Jared and nodded, as if confirming what he had already thought.
Jared, what have you done?
***
Jensen stroked his fingers along his new personal comm unit as he sat curled up on his bed. He'd told everyone he needed a nap after PT, and while that was sort of true, he wanted to test out his new toy. His finger brushed the one button on the device, the rubbery surface feeling delightful in its contrast to the hardness of the rest of the unit.
He'd been more than a little uncomfortable when the salesclerk had recognized Jensen as soon as he'd walked into the store. Jensen hadn't realized how much his name had spread, but thanks to Jeff finally telling him who exactly he'd killed, Jensen knew why. Jared might have saved him from the public eye, but he'd kept him ignorant and Jensen hated not having the proper intel.
He took a deep breath before pushing the button and hearing the whirring noise that meant voice controls were activated. "Make call. Sophia Bush." All of his saved codes were still there in his account. The annoying little sales guy had been at turns starstruck and obsequious, but at least he'd fixed Jensen's damn code. Nobody made decisions for Jensen, not anymore.
The comm beeped right before it connected. "Oh stars, Jensen?"
If he could see, there would be the hologram of her right in front of him. He could have set it for mini or natural size and then it would be like having one of his closest friends in the room with him. But Jensen hadn't even enabled the holo function. It didn't matter. That didn't mean that she couldn't see him. He'd left the camera on.
"Hey, Bush. You look as beautiful as ever."
"Jensen." He could hear the irritation in her voice. He missed being able to joke with people like this.
"Okay, so I can't see you, but I bet it's still true."
"I haven't heard from you in months. How are you doing? You actually . . . you look pretty good."
He flushed at her words. "Thank you. How . . . How is Tom doing?"
The last time he'd been around Tom, they were at Mike's funeral. Jensen had been in a hoverchair pushed by Jared, in no condition to do any kind of walking himself. The sun had been too hot, the air thick with pollen and the scent of grass. He couldn't even remember whatever the hell the minister had said at the fake grave they'd put up at Arlington II.
"Honestly, Jen. Not very good." She let out a sigh. "Instead of getting better, it's getting worse."
At least Jensen could say he was getting better. Every day he was a little stronger, the nightmares a little further away. Now, there was Jeff, and Jensen had more of a reason to work towards being well.
"I'm sorry, Soph. If there was anything I could do. . . " Jensen trailed off. There was nothing he could do. Tom had just shattered after Mike's death, losing himself in constant pain no matter the consequences. He finally had to be hospitalized, unable to cope with everyday life.
"I'll tell him you asked about him. That'll help."
Jensen rubbed his palms on his thighs, flatting his fingers over his legs. His hands ached, but they ached in a good way and he didn't feel the need to flex each finger to make sure they worked. "I need some advice."
He could hear her hesitate on the other end before she spit out. "Is this about coming back to the Corps?"
"So you knew about that?" Jensen shook his head, knowing she could see it. "Never mind." Course she would know, she'd probably been solicited to get him back, but Jared had blocked all calls that weren't routed through the main house comm. "I never got to talk to you about Jeff."
There'd been so little time when Jensen had landed back on Earth. He'd been so out of it, lost in darkness and pain before Jared dragged his ass down to Texas.
"Jeff?"
"Commander Jeff Morgan. Retired." Jensen bit his lip. "I worked with him on the 328 mission."
"I know, Jensen." Her voice was gentle. Sophia had gone off the active duty roster earlier than the rest of their group and had gotten assigned to dispatching and intel. She might even have been the one to send him to Harmony.
"He's here. Staying at the ranch." Jensen cleared his throat. "He wants me."
"And that's a problem?"
Jensen rubbed at his eyes, they felt itchy and dry. They shouldn't give him this much trouble when they weren't doing any damn work. "Fuck, of course that's a problem, Sophia. He wants, I don't know, a relationship, I guess? And I can't even. . . I sucked him off and then I ended up in the fetal position."
"Jensen!"
"You know, Soph. I've been through so fucking much, and this is what breaks me? If I can't even sleep with someone when I want to. . . " Jensen did want Jeff. He'd missed the other man so much while in captivity. But they'd ended before they'd even begun.
"Jensen," Sophia interrupted. "You remember taking 'Surviving Sexual Trauma' with me, right?"
He choked off a laugh. "We used to make fun of that class. We thought we could fucking shrug anything off and keep going." Keep letting people fuck him, use his body whether as a slave or a whore, anything the UP asked of him. For most of his career, Jensen had done just that. He'd been raped, whipped, sold, and kidnapped. Jensen could always take back control, choose someone to sleep with and be in charge of the encounter.
"We're not 19 anymore, Jen."
"No." Hard to believe that was fourteen years ago. He and Sophia, Mike and Tom, they'd all been assigned to the same barracks and became fast friends. Even through their tours of duty they kept in touch, though in the last few years those times were few and far between. And now no one would ever see Mike again. "And I don't exactly have my textbook handy."
When she spoke again it sounded almost as if she were on the verge of tears. "There are no easy answers, Jen. Give it time. And if you want him back, there are techniques, things you can do to channel positive thoughts. I won't say you'll never freak out again, but they help."
Sophia had never spoken about why she had transferred out of active duty. Jensen had guessed it had something to do with a similar situation, but he'd never asked.
"I want to try," he told her.
"I'll send you some docs," she promised. "Your comm can read text aloud, right?"
"It sounds a little like a drunk porn star, but yeah."
Sophia laughed, and he grinned, glad to change things up a little. "Thank you," he told her before saying goodbye. It had felt so good to talk to her again. Sometimes he thought only another scut could understand. Jensen had been trained to be a master of the sexual arts, to not break in the face of abuse. But now the arts had been used against him.
Not any more. Jensen squared his shoulders. He would be in control again.
***
Jared supposed that Venusian takeout would have to do again. They'd certainly ordered enough of it yesterday and it wasn't like he had any time today to think about cooking dinner. He wasn't even sure what groceries they needed and made a mental note to place an order.
Even though he still left most of the ranch managing in the hands of the employees who'd done it for the Corps when they owned it, it seemed like Jared still had a million questions to answer every day. He'd kept the old staff on at first because Jared didn't know a damn thing about running a ranch. Even with their support it just seemed to take up so much of his time, when he wasn't worrying about Jensen at least.
He admitted that part of him worried Jeff would spirit Jensen away, back to the Atlantic base and his Corps life. That's why he'd called the PT office to make sure they'd arrived and to let him know when they'd left.
Adrianne came in while he was heating up the takeout. "That's the best we can do for dinner?"
He shrugged as he started pulling out the plates. "It's the best I can do right now."
She put a hand on his arm and stopped him from setting the table. Jared looked at her, waiting for her to speak. Her eyes were narrowed. "Jared, you look exhausted."
"It's been a rough few days."
"It's more than that. How long do you think you can keep this up without help?"
Before he could ask what she meant by that, they heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Jared pulled away and finished setting the table. He had to make sure everything would be in the right place for Jensen to find it.
"I love leftover take out," Jensen said as he crossed the threshold. He took a deep breath. "And that place in town does a mean Coronae pasta."
"It's yours," Jared offered. "I put a bowl of it right next to your plate."
Jensen frowned and Jared wondered if there was something else he'd wanted instead. But he didn't say anything as he found his seat. He'd left his cane somewhere, but wore the ear cam fortunately. Otherwise Jared would just have to have a talk with him about leaving it off again.
Jeff had come with him. The man seemed to take up the entire doorway and Jared knew he wasn't that big. Just seeing him made Jared grind his teeth together. He still couldn't figure him out. What the hell did Morgan want? And how could Jared keep Jensen safe from the fallout?
"Where'd you hide the dogs?" Jeff asked as he took the empty chair next to Jensen.
"Jared keeps them fenced in out back," Adrianne said, grabbing a glass of water before sitting down. "They've got a little shelter with air conditioning and a running water fountain."
His cheeks burned at her words. "It would be cruel otherwise. I can't keep them in the house all the time." When he inherited the ranch, thanks to Jen's machinations, Jared had gotten the dogs nearly as soon as they moved in. He'd always wanted one, and two were better. But they were just so rambunctious, he couldn't let them run freely through the house and possibly hurt Jensen.
Thinking of Jensen made him ask, "How was your nap? Do you think you slept long enough?"
Adrianne kicked him under the table and Jared frowned at her. She made a face at him in return.
"I'm fine," Jensen said, hopefully with no clue about the byplay between Jared and Dri. He started to dig into his pasta and Jared was just glad he was eating real food again.
Jeff speared himself a few chicken medallions from the communal plate. "So, I hear you two kids are getting married."
Adrianne gave him one of her huge sunny smiles. Jared hadn't seen one of those in a long time. "Well, we're hardly kids, but yes."
"Jensen hasn't mentioned when. You've been engaged for a while, right?"
Stars, was Jeff the master of awkward questions? Jared stabbed his fork into his piece of steak and sliced at it with hard, fast motions. "We haven't agreed on a place yet," he said, ignoring the hurt look Adrianne shot his way.
"Well, I'd think you would want to have it right here," Jeff said, his voice an exaggerated drawl that Jared just knew was put on. "I mean, from what I've seen of this ranch, it's absolutely beautiful. You shouldn't have any trouble fitting all your guests here."
Adrianne tilted her head. "That's an idea. We can hire a caterer. I could do all the decorating myself. . ."
"Maybe even have a horse theme." Jensen grinned. "Leather and buckles everywhere."
Jared didn't understand why Jeff choked on his meal at that point. "That would be ridiculously expensive, we'd have to pay the staff overtime. Think of the cleanup!"
"Jared, come on. It wouldn't be any more expensive than renting a hall for a sit down dinner." She should know, she'd been the one doing the scoping out of places. Jared just couldn't scare up any interest in wedding plans at all.
"You are also entitled to one of the chapels on a military base," Jeff said. "I could look into that for you if you like. I mean, if finding a location is what you're waiting for."
Jensen dropped his fork onto his plate. "What they're waiting for is me."
He got up and left them at the table. Jared pushed his chair out, about to go after him, when Adrianne put her hand on his arm again. "Don't."
"Why the hell not?" he snapped at her.
"Because you're only making things worse! How do you think it makes him feel? You won't even think about anything but him."
"That's not true."
"Really? Wasn't your leave from the hospital supposed to end last week?"
Jared shook his arm out from under her hand, his food turning sour in his belly. "I requested an extension. It doesn't matter, he needs me."
"Jared. . ." She trailed off.
Jeff still sat in his chair, though he'd stop eating and only watched them with a raised eyebrow. Jared wanted to slap the expression off of his face. "Are you happy now?" Jared snapped before leaving the kitchen. "We were doing just fine before you showed up."
"Obviously." Jeff's expression didn't change.
Jared found he couldn't look at either of them anymore and stormed outside. At least his dogs still appreciated him.
***
Jeff knocked on Jensen's bedroom door a few hours after dinner. That should be enough time for Jensen to be alone. He knew there were things he needed to say to Jensen, and he'd better get them out now before this went much farther.
"It's Jeff," he said after a moment. Maybe Jensen didn't want to see him right now.
"Come in," Jensen called.
He entered to find Jensen lounging among several large pillows on his bed, wearing a pair of loose fitting pants and a too-large t-shirt. His feet were bare, toes curling in the soft looking fabric of the comforter. It was the first time Jeff had seen the scars here too, like knots on the top and sole of each foot. He ached to see them, wondering how Jensen could even stand. Jensen's hair was damp, as if he'd just gotten out of the shower and he pulled an earpiece out as Jeff walked in.
"Did I interrupt something?"
Jensen shook his head. "I was just listening to some audio books Sophia sent me."
"Anything good?"
He didn't understand the bitter smile that crossed Jensen's face. "Depends on how you define good."
Then it probably wasn't anything Jensen wanted to talk about. Jeff closed the door behind him and moved to the center of the room. He clasped his hands behind his back, feeling a little bit like he was about to get a dressing down from an Admiral. "I wanted to say I was sorry."
Jensen blinked at him, looking for all the world as if he were trying to look at Jeff, even when Jeff knew that was impossible. "For talking about the wedding? Don't be. Someone has to kick Jared's ass about that."
"No." Jeff clenched his hands into fists as he said, "For not fighting both the UP and the Confed to come and find you."
Jensen opened his mouth to speak and then shut it. He licked his lips. "You know, Jeff, I think you of all people could have actually done it."
Jeff was surprised into letting out a laugh. "I almost punched Major Tappen over it. He wanted to mutiny, take over the Mercury and go after you."
"Didn't think Tappen cared that much." Jensen grinned, softening his words.
Jeff moved closer, crouching down so he was eyelevel with Jensen instead of staring down at him. He ached to touch him. "He's changed since he became Ian's sub. Jen, I." He swallowed, fighting to get this out. Jeff had to confess it all if they had any hope of making a future together. "I scened with another sub on Harmony."
Jensen snorted. "You think I'm going to call you on that? All the people I fucked in the name of duty. . ."
"It felt wrong," Jeff blurted. "To be someone else's Dom for even a minute."
"Oh, Jeff."
"Can I touch you?" It hurt too much not to touch when Jeff could see the pain in Jensen's eyes.
Jensen nodded, licking his lips again as Jeff moved closer. He cupped Jensen's face between his hands, stroking the slightest hint of stubble that graced his cheeks.
Jensen trembled beneath his touch, almost vibrating. "I want you to touch me, Jeff. I do. This shouldn't be so hard."
"Shh. It's not your fault." Jeff pressed their lips together, wanting to see if a gentle kiss helped. Surely that couldn't be confused for an attack? But he had no idea exactly what had been done to Jensen during his captivity.
Jensen's eyelashes fluttered, the dark lashes a thick contrast against his pale skin. "I want to try," he gasped as Jeff pulled away. Jensen latched on to Jeff's wrists, keeping him place when Jeff would have let go. "I want this and I'm not going to let them take that from me!"
Jeff smiled. That was his Jensen. "I'll do whatever I can to help." This time Jeff wasn't going anywhere, he wasn't giving up. Jensen wouldn't be able to get rid of him even if he wanted to.
"Even if I tell you to let go?"
"Whatever you need. I mean it, Jen. I'm not giving up." Not this time.
Jensen nodded, but Jeff still didn't know if he was convinced. Jeff would have to prove himself. Jensen patted the side of the bed next to him. "Come sit here with me."
At that very generous offer, Jeff slipped off his shoes and climbed up onto the bed. He was so close to Jensen he could feel the heat from his body, but Jeff refrained from moving that extra inch, not without Jensen's permission.
Jensen hugged his knees to his chest, wiggling his toes as he seemed to get comfortable. Jeff wanted to lick each tiny toe, make his way up Jensen's foot, over his scars and then follow up his legs. He even reached out, pulling his hand back at the last moment. Jeff swallowed down his desire, forcing himself to meet Jensen's eyes, even though the green pupils couldn't make contact with his.
"Why can't they fix your eyes?" he asked. It had been haunting him since seeing Jensen again.
Jensen turned in his direction, tilting his head to one side. "Same reason they can't fix the nerves in my hands and feet. Not really, anyway."
"Let me touch you," Jeff interrupted. "I need to hold you if you're going to tell me this." It was the only way he could offer comfort, since Jeff had missed the chance to rescue Jensen or to help him in his recovery when he arrived on Earth.
Jensen nodded and rolled onto his side, holding a pillow between his arms like a lover. He kept still as Jeff spooned behind him, so they were touching back to chest. Jeff slid one arm around his waist and pressed his lips against the back of Jensen's neck.
Once they were settled he began to speak. "I wasn't just a prisoner of war. I was a slave, and the man in charge of us was obsessed with these experiments."
Jeff's chest hurt. "Experiments," he repeated.
"I think he was trying to create the perfect sex slave." Jensen trembled under Jeff's arm, although his voice was steady. "He wanted me helpless and on my knees." Jensen reached down with one hand to cover Jeff's. "So when one of the clients in the lounge stabbed me to keep me in place. . ."
Jeff felt nauseous. Dinner might be making a quick return. He swallowed hard against the bile in his throat. "Oh, Jensen. I should have been there."
Jensen didn't say anything for a moment. He didn't pull away, for which Jeff was grateful, although if his touch brought back these horrors he'd willingly never touch Jensen again.
When Jensen finally did speak, anger came through, instead of the despair Jeff expected. "Whatever the hell he did when he healed me? Fucked with my DNA somehow. It makes the nerves want to STAY damaged, no matter what the UP doctors do. They've worked around the ones in my hands, and I'll always have numb feet. But my eyes . . . I don't even want them messing around in there."
"I'm sorry, Jen. Stars, I am so sorry." It almost made the torture Jensen had undergone at the hand of Duke Adrian back on Harmony seem like a cakewalk. Of course, Jensen had walked away from that, whole and in control, not crippled and damaged.
"I just." Jensen blew out a frustrated breath. "Every time it seems like I'm getting better, I backslide in some way. I'll be walking normally and then I'll trip on a step and that'll give me a limp for a week. I think I'm okay to touch you, to take what I want and then the nightmares come back. . ."
Jensen rolled onto his back and reached for Jeff, after a moment finding his jaw and stroking the smooth skin there. Jeff had shaved that morning. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the touch. "Is this, is this going to be a problem? You and me like this?"
"Only if I don't take my sleeping pills. If I don't take them I get nightmares and flashbacks." Jensen bit his lip. "I wake up and I can't see. I don't know where I am, and I think, I think I'm still there and I never got out."
Jeff pulled Jensen close, peppering his face with kisses. He couldn't help nipping at Jensen's full lips, ready to draw back if he felt Jensen tremble at all. "You're here with me, Jen. And I'm not letting you go again."
"You gotta be sure, Jeff." Jensen closed his eyes, but didn't pull away. He kissed Jeff back, whispering, "I can't do this if I think you're going to walk away."
"I walked away from the Corps for you, Jen. That's more than I did for my wife." Jeff closed his eyes this time, touching his forehead to Jensen's. "I don't have anything else."
He couldn't tell if Jensen believed him. Jeff knew by experience that only his actions would prove himself to Jensen now. Before he could promise anything, a knock at the door interrupted them. He pulled away, untangling himself reluctantly from Jensen's limbs, though he didn't move from the bed.
"Jen? It's Jared!"
"Son of a bitch, that kid has bad timing," Jeff muttered under his breath.
He heard Jensen laugh before calling out: "Come on in, Jare."
Jared walked in and Jeff could see the concern turn to anger in those puppy dog eyes. He didn't say anything to Jeff though, ignored the fact that he was there at all. "Just making sure you take your meds."
Jeff pushed himself to his feet. "Your brother is a grown man, you should treat him like one!"
"You don't know a damn thing about it! You weren't here when they brought him back!" Jared moved away from the door, his hands clenched into fists at his side as he got up in Jeff's face.
For the first time Jeff saw a crack in Jared's armor of anger and frustration. There were tears forming in those eyes. "No, I wasn't," he agreed. "But I'm here now."
"Nobody asked for you to just show up and fuck everything to hell. Jen was doing just fine without you!"
"Jared, Jeff!" Jensen struggled to his feet. He moved forward, reaching out until his hand managed to make contact with Jeff's back. "Jeff, yes, I'm a grown man, so you have to let me fight my own battles."
Jeff looked at the floor, ashamed. Jensen was right, damn it. He couldn't just rush in here and try to fix everything.
"Jared," Jensen reached out with his other hand and Jared came to take it. Jensen pulled his brother close for a hug, letting go of Jeff. "Jared, you gotta trust me now. I'm not your patient. I'm your brother. Jeff is important to me, and I get to make that decision. Not you."
"Jensen. . ."
"And if I forget to take my meds, I'm the one who suffers. I know the consequences, so I'm going to take them, all right? But you can't keep hiding things from me. I'm never gonna be 100%, we both know that. I can handle it now, I promise."
Jared squeezed Jensen so tight Jeff worried for a moment. He nodded and pulled away before speaking, "I trust you, Jen. I do."
"Good. Now get your ass in bed. I have it on good authority that you've got a hot blond waiting for you."
Jared choked out a laugh, those tears still brimming though they never did quite manage to fall. "Good night, Jensen."
"Night, Jared."
Jensen waited till the door clicked shut behind Jared before turning. Jeff moved so he was actually in the direction Jen faced. Without his earpiece, Jensen probably had to guess.
"I'm going to send you to your room, too." Jensen's shoulders slumped forward. "I'm tired and, damn it, I need to sleep tonight."
No more flashbacks. Jeff understood. He touched Jensen's arm and placed a kiss on his forehead. "I'll be here in the morning." It was a promise.
***
Adrianne startled awake, surprised by Jared's weight on the bed, how he'd pulled her close to him not even noticing she had fallen asleep. Traveling always took a lot out of her. She missed her own bed and Jared's huge, warm presence.
"Jared?" She murmured, still not quite awake.
"Dri," he said against her hair. His words were muffled, but he sounded upset.
She tried to roll over, to ask him what was wrong, but he held her tight. "Hon?"
"Let's do it. Let's have the wedding here."
She felt the tears fill her eyes, just as they did when he'd first proposed to her. "Yes, Jared, oh yes."
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