For The Heart I Once Had (5/12)
Adrianne looked out the window, watching as the guests made their way past the house to their seats around the wedding arch in the back. If she touched the button on the sill, it would turn the window into a screen, magnifying the view. Her hand hovered over it for a moment before she turned away, not giving in to the temptation.
So many of their friends and family had come to see her and Jared get married. She let out a little giggle, unable to contain her joy for another moment. When she'd first seen that scrawny young man at the track back at college, she had no idea she'd be marrying him now.
Of course, everyone would ask what had taken them so long. Adrianne's usual response was that she had been waiting for Jared to ask. The story was a bit longer than that. They'd broken up just after college, when she first followed her mom's footsteps into politics, not sure she could keep up with the hectic schedule of a medical student. But Adrianne couldn't stay away.
And then there'd been that whole horrible situation with Jensen. She shivered, thinking back to those dark times, when Jared had first seen the news broadcast, the video the Confed sent of their prisoners. Neither of them had expected to see Jensen in the lineup.
"Stop it. Jensen is home. He's fine." Adrianne smoothed down her gown, chasing the dark thoughts away.
She had decided on a blush pink dress that cinched tight around her waist before spilling out in waves of fabric. Delicate metallic embroidery detailed flowers across her chest, designed to sparkle in the sunlight. It mixed tradition with her own style and Adrianne thought she couldn't have found a dress that suited her better. She couldn't wait to see Jared's face when he saw her.
A knock came on the bedroom door just before her mother stuck her head in. "You did remember sunscreen? I wouldn't want your shoulders to burn."
Adrianne laughed. "I'm fine, Mom, I got a sun treatment last week."
"I suppose I don't need this then?" Mom held up the can of spray sunscreen before hiding it behind her back.
"No, Mom."
She turned to the mirror on her dresser, checking her makeup again. Luckily there wasn't any evidence from her late night with the girls, although she could use another coat of lipstick. Why had she let Julie drag her to a male strip club?
Last night Jared had gone out with some friends for an impromptu bachelor party. Chad never passed up an opportunity to get drunk. Despite her concerns about him, Adrianne trusted the saner Gabe to get Jared to the hotel where he'd spent the night. There were some traditions they'd kept to, and not seeing the bride before the wedding was one of them.
Jared had invited Jensen (and Jeff!) to go out with them. Jensen had turned him down gently, saying he wasn't up for a long night before the ceremony. That saved Jared from having to pull one of his overprotective moves.
Adrianne was just glad the brothers were talking openly. Jared had taken a step back, though she could tell every time he bit his tongue to avoid asking if Jensen needed help or if he'd taken his meds for the day. Jensen seemed so happy with Jeff, and even Jared could see that.
"Your cousins are wondering if you're ever coming down."
Adrianne turned away from the mirror. "I just needed a moment alone. I won't get that once I walk down that aisle!"
Mom moved across the room and tucked a lock of Adrianne's curls behind her ear. "You look lovely, hon."
"Oh, Mom, are you crying? Already?"
"I can't help it!"
Adrianne did her best to try to hug her mother, but Mom pulled away. "You'll crush your dress!"
"And you'll ruin your makeup," Adrianne teased gently. She grabbed some tissues and helped her mom blot away the tears without ruining her eye shadow. She waited a moment before asking. "You, you're still okay with Jared, right?"
Mom laughed. "Oh, sweetie, your father said to tell you if you wanted he'd grab the hover car and drive us all back to Ohio if you'd changed your mind about getting married."
"That's sweet. Slightly disturbing, but sweet." Adrianne grinned.
"Well, you know your father." Mom took her hand. "I'm so happy for you, love. He will be your rock and you will be his calm seas."
"Thanks, Mom." Adrianne had to blink back her own tears now. "I think I'm ready to go downstairs now."
"You've got everything? Something borrowed and blue? Old and new?"
"Yes, Mom. There's just one thing . . . "
"Yes, dear?"
"I need to use the bathroom first."
***
Jared straightened his tuxedo jacket for the fifth time. Jensen had been right about the silk, soft and comfortable in the heat. They'd had a brief scare it might rain, even had the weather changer pillars on tap for a rental, but the day dawned bright and sunny, without even a cloud in the true blue sky.
He waited under the arch, where he had a perfect view of everyone staring at him. Jared wasn't used to be the center of attention like this. He'd often gone out of his way to not be noticed, hunching his shoulders to disguise his height. Half of these people were Adrianne's extended family, some he hadn't even met yet. It made his own lack of family seem even more obvious.
With their parents gone, Jared had escorted Sam Smith up to the seat of honor normally for the groom's mother. She had blushed the entire way up the altar, but Jared could think of no better way to respect the woman who'd taken care of him while Jensen was in training.
Jensen stood next to him, looking healthy and flushed, not thin and pale. His brother seemed to be turning the corner, coming out of the shell of himself he had been since his return. And Jared had to give a little of the credit to the man standing just behind Jensen - Jeff Morgan.
Jeff wore his dress uniform, and he wasn't the only one. Jared could spot several more in the crowd, some in blue, others in red. He was glad some of Jensen's friends had come too. Despite everything, he did want Jensen to be happy.
If Jeff was the one to make Jensen happy, then Jared would fight anyone to make sure Jensen got to be with Jeff. He had to admit the man earned lots of credit with Jared when he'd given Mila to Jensen. Jared knew how much Jensen loved animals, but hated how he couldn't be around Harley and Sadie in case they knocked him over. Mila, despite being a puppy, didn't quite act like one. Jensen was her person, no doubt, and she never trod underfoot, in fact she seemed to gently guide him away from obstacles. Today they'd left her with Harley and Sadie in their run behind the house, and once Jensen had explained things to her, she seemed content to play with the larger dogs.
So while Jared might not be happy about it, he wouldn't stand in Jensen's way. Maybe, just maybe, he was growing to like Jeff himself.
"Nervous?"
Jared grinned at his brother, even though he knew Jensen couldn't see it. "Just impatient."
"Took you long enough," Jensen shot back.
"I needed you to be with me, Jen," Jared said, throwing his arm around Jensen's shoulders. He needed to show his affection through touch, especially now with his brother's blindness. It had been so hard when Jensen couldn't be touched, but slowly, he'd grown to accept it. "You're my family."
"Yeah, well Dri is going to be part of our family very soon." Jensen's grin faded and he looked very serious. "Look bro, I should be the last one to give you advice here."
"You kidding? You're the only one I'd take advice from."
Jensen rested his hand on Jared's chest, as if looking for the beating of his heart. "Just love her, Jared. Don't worry about me, or, or anything."
Before Jared could respond the music coming from the strategically placed speakers changed from something low and unobtrusive to loud and boisterous. Adrianne was on her way. Everyone in the crowd turned to look.
Two white horses led the procession, both decorated with pink ribbons in their hair. Adrianne had loved Jeff's idea of incorporating the horses into the ceremony, although Jared had protested about the cost of keeping the staff working even during the wedding. He was only half-joking - he wasn't that miserly about paying his employees, he just wanted them to be able to enjoy the wedding as well. After the ceremony was over Emilio and Charlie would take the horses back to the stables, before coming back to enjoy the reception.
Before he could start off on that tangent, because one thing Jared had gotten good at these past few months it was worrying about the ranch, Adrianne stepped into view.
Jared stopped breathing.
Adrianne sparkled like the brightest diamond. Her dress was no match for the smile on her face, which shone brighter than the sun. Jared's vision narrowed to see only her as Adrianne made her way up the white runner they'd laid over the grass.
The music faded away as she stood beside him. Jared had missed the bridesmaids coming down and standing in a row, directly opposite from Jensen, Jeff, and his other groomsmen, Chad and Gabe. It didn't matter.
Jared smiled at her, taking her hands in his. He was so caught up in her smile, the way her curls were arranged to fall around her face, the choker that sparkled around her neck, that he didn't notice when the officiant started talking until Jensen poked him in the shoulder. Jared cleared his throat. "Could you repeat that?"
He was glad when everyone laughed. Jared ducked his head and rubbed the back of it. He could feel his face heating and it wasn't just the sun beating down.
This time he paid attention as the officiant - the local justice of the peace for the state -greeted everyone and started on the beauty of the institution of marriage. Adrianne had laughter in her eyes and she hadn't stopped smiling. Jared vowed to always be able to make her smile.
He said "I do" with a flourish, promising to love and cherish her all the days of his life. When she promised the same, he couldn't help the grin widening.
"The rings, please."
Jared turned to Jensen. He swallowed hard, so glad that his brother was able to stand here next to him at this special moment. When Jensen held out the tiny box with the ring, Jared took it, but then threw his arms around his brother and hugged him tight. "Thank you," he whispered, fighting back tears. This wasn't the moment for that.
"Go get married, Jared," Jensen said, thumping his back.
Jared nodded and turned back to Adrianne. Her smile hadn't dimmed, but he could see the mist in her eyes. He nodded at her. The slim golden band looked perfect on her ring finger, marking her for anyone to see that she belonged to him. And Jared would soon have a marker of his own.
"With this ring, I thee wed."
Jared bounced on his toes, too impatient once they'd both gotten the actual rings on. Even the officiant grinned, before he pronounced them husband and wife. "You may now kiss each other."
He didn't waste any time. Jared slid his hands around Adrianne waist and drew her close. This was the first time he'd ever kiss his wife, taste her lips and drink her in. Everyone disappeared, the world narrowing to just him and her.
They were inches away and Adrianne whispered, "You okay?"
"Perfect," he told her.
"Excellent." She took his hand as they both turned to face the crowd as husband and wife.
***
Jeff thought it was going to bother him. He thought it would hurt to stand up there watching while Jared and Adrianne made their vows to each other. But watching them grin at each other, well, he knew this had been a long time coming. Jeff wanted them to snatch every bit of happiness they could, because he sure intended on doing the same with Jensen.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the reception will be in the tents behind the house. Please come wish our bride and groom the best of luck!" That was Chad on the microphone. He'd probably have a hard time handing it over to the DJ.
The music on the speakers changed again, something with a thumping beat, most likely to get everyone moving towards the reception area. Jeff hooked his arm through Jensen's and walked with him down the makeshift aisle.
"You gonna be okay?" he murmured. Jeff's eyes narrowed as he surveyed the crowd. He didn't know who to watch out for, if there was anyone Jensen wanted to avoid. Damn it, he should have gotten more intel on the guests before proceeding. He had been kept too darn busy with the cake testing.
He couldn't help it. It had been tasty.
Jensen nodded. He put his hand to his ear, touching his earpiece. Jeff couldn't begin to guess how the thing was feeding all of this data verbally to Jensen. "Just stay close to me. I haven't been in a crowd this large since, well, since before."
"That won't be a problem," Jeff said lightly. "I don't know who any of these people are. You can be my shield."
Jensen laughed, his face no longer marred by his worry. "I'll use the cane to get us first in line at the buffet table."
"Now you're thinking."
They managed to get food - Jeff got plates for both of them, and for once Jensen didn't protest - and eat while Jared and Adrianne were still greeting guests. Jeff didn't miss that part of being the center of attention. The bride and groom had to thank every single person for coming. He doubted either of them had even had anything to eat, and that was a crying shame because the caterers Jared had chosen were damn good.
"Jensen?"
Jeff looked over at the female voice that came from behind them. He didn't recognize the dark-haired woman, or the man in the hover chair she pushed in front of her. Both of them wore Sex Corps uniforms, though it was hard to see on the man due to the old-fashioned casts on his arms and legs. He might have been pretty once, that fragile beauty that seemed to be a requirement in scuts, with his large blue eyes and black hair. But his eyes were ringed with dark circles and his face thin and pinched.
"Sophia?" Jensen turned in the direction of the voice. "You came!"
She left the chair for as long as it took to draw Jensen into a hug. "I missed you! Tom's here too." Sophia held Jensen close for a moment, her dark hair covering her face, but Jeff thought he saw a glimpse of tears in her eyes.
"Tom?" Jensen turned.
"Down here," the man in the chair said.
Jensen bent carefully and reached out with one hand, making contact with one of the casts. "Oh, Tom, what happened?"
"Threw myself down some stairs. It's not a big deal."
"It was three flights of stairs! And you broke both your arms and your legs. Again!" Sophia moved behind Tom and put her hands on his shoulders. "It is a big deal! They couldn't even use the bone setter on you."
Tom lifted one arm and grasped at Jensen's hand. "It hurts," he told him. Tom's eyes narrowed and he shivered. "So exquisite."
"Tom," Jensen murmured, shaking his head. Then he seemed to come to a decision. "Have you met Jeff?"
Jeff took the cue and left their table to come stand next to Jensen. "Jeff Morgan," he said. "Nice to meet you."
Sophia gave him a knowing look, her grin slow and sly. She looked between Jeff and Jensen and seemed to get a read on them that quickly. "Commander Morgan. I've heard a lot about you."
Jeff saw the color rise in Jensen's cheeks. "Just Jeff, please. I've retired."
"The three of us were all at the academy together," Jensen explained.
"With Mike too," Tom said, lowering his eyes. His face had gone pale. "There used to be four of us."
"Tom, I'm sorry," Jensen whispered. Jeff wrapped his arm around Jensen's waist, worried that Jensen would stumble. He could feel the tension coiled in Jensen's body.
Sophia held out one hand, as if reaching for Jensen. She let it drop back onto Tom's shoulder. "Jensen, it wasn't your fault."
Jensen shook his head. "I could've, I should've gotten free earlier. . ."
"From what I understand of the circumstances," Jeff interrupted. "There's no way you could have. They wouldn't have made a mistake around you unless they thought you were broken."
"We've all been through crap missions, Jen," Sophia said. "Sometimes there's nothing you can do."
"I just miss him," Tom said. No one knew what to say to that, or when he lifted his hand and dug his nails hard into the side of his own neck.
"Oh, Tom, no, stop, please." Sophia grabbed hold of his hand and pulled it away. "You promised."
"Do you want to take him back to the house, Soph?" Jensen said. "To rest for a bit?"
She shook her head and undid the brakes on the side of the chair, causing it to rise slightly in the air. "We need to get going, actually. I wanted to make sure we saw you first."
"I'm glad you came, both of you," Jensen said. He reached out and touched Tom again, like some sort of benediction before they left.
Jeff waited until they were both out of sight before he asked Jensen under his breath, "Are you okay?"
"I will be. Let's get out of here for a minute, okay?"
"Okay."
***
Jensen was glad Jeff didn't question, merely let Jensen lead even when it must have been obvious that they weren't heading back towards the house. Right now Jensen needed a moment, and he could only find that solace in what had given him peace from the moment he'd arrived at the ranch - the horses.
He knew exactly which way to turn from the makeshift tents of the wedding celebration after pointing his ear cam. Jensen had a mental map of the ranch that matched his memories of how the place had looked from childhood. That had helped more than anything when he'd first started learning how to get around.
The rich scent of the horses welcomed him as Jensen entered the stable. He caught sweet hay, leather, and the ever-present tang of the manure. Some of the horses whinnied at his approach and Jensen reached out to touch, rubbing his knuckles against the muzzle of the first horse in the row. He wished he'd snagged some sugar cubes from the buffet, but then, he hadn't planned on coming out here.
"Your friends. . ." Jeff started, his voice coming from the doorway. Jensen hoped he still wasn't afraid of horses!
"We were everything to each other, back then. Four of us stuck together, made it to graduation and through our first missions." Jensen shook his head at the memories. He remembered Mike in happier days - the way he laughed, his friend's wicked sense of humor, and the way he could made Jensen come and come and come till it hurt.
"You were together? The four of you?"
It took a moment to parse Jeff's meaning. When he did Jensen laughed. "We fucked each other, sure. It was homework." Those were good memories. He had to hold on to them, make them brighter than the bad ones. "Tom and Mike though, they were perfect together. Sadist and masochist, you know?"
He heard Jeff's boots crunch across the floor as Jeff grew closer, so Jensen was prepared when Jeff put his arms around Jensen's waist and pulled him until Jensen's back was flush against Jeff's chest. "Before Harmony I wouldn't have understood half of that."
But Jeff did now. Jensen shook his head. It was a shame, since Jeff seemed to be such a natural Dom, that he hadn't learned of his own proclivities until their mission together.
Jensen turned in Jeff's arms, until they were face to face. He ran his hands up Jeff's chest until he could unerringly cup Jeff's jaw between them. Only then did Jensen tilt his face upward to kiss Jeff. It was sweet and soft.
"Isn't this a little cliché? In the stables?" Jeff teased as he pulled away slightly.
Jensen chuckled. "Much as I wish we could, I'm afraid Jared would come looking for me eventually, and I love my little brother too much to scar him for life like that."
Jeff laughed, his entire body rumbling with the sound. It felt good against Jensen's chest.
"They should get a proper honeymoon, you know?" Jensen tilted his head to the side, out where he thought the wedding was still going on in full swing. "But with Adrianne's work and Jared going back to the hospital. . ." He didn't mention how much time they'd wasted, waiting for Jensen to recover.
Jeff pressed his lips to Jensen's hair and he swore he could feel the frown. "What if we could give them some time alone? I mean, I know they're going to the hotel tonight. . ."
"Are you suggesting we take a trip?" Jensen pulled back. It made sense, neither of them had any obligations other than to each other. Jensen wondered if he could coordinate his therapy appointments. He needed them less and less, but he really couldn't be out of range for long.
"Well, a buddy of mine has a cabin in the woods up north. It's quiet, away from civilization."
Away from people who'd recognize Jensen from the media feeds. And quiet enough for maybe Jensen and Jeff to learn their way together in the bedroom without having to worry about Jared overhearing. There were certain things his brother would never understand.
"So, we get the honeymoon instead?"
"Are you saying yes?"
Jensen grinned. "I think, I think I could do that."
He didn't know who was more surprised, Jeff or him. Jensen pulled Jeff's arm and led him back towards the door. "Come on, I want to see if I can accidentally catch the bouquet."
"And you have a toast to give," Jeff reminded him.
Jensen had feared at one time that he wouldn't even live to see Jared's wedding. Now he was about to give his best man's speech and with Jeff at his side to boot. Everything seemed to be falling into place for once.
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