For The Heart I Once Had (10/12)
"I think I might be ready to try a scene."
Jeff turned and blinked at Jensen. "You bring this up now? When we're about to walk into my parents' house?"
Jensen grinned. "You need the time the think about it."
Right, that's exactly what he needed to be thinking about. Jeff shook his head, trying to chase away the thoughts of a naked and bound Jensen at his mercy. He really didn't want to greet his parents while trying to quell his erection.
Luckily as soon as Dad opened the door, Jeff was able to change his focus. "Hey, Dad."
"Jeff, you guys made it! Nice to see you again, Jensen. Come on in."
It was so odd to see how little this house had changed. Jeff hadn't been here for four years, you'd think his mom might have put up a different picture or rearranged the chairs in the living room. Instead it was the same red paisley patterned fabrics, the striped wallpaper and the holo sculptures in the shape of exotic alien flowers.
He kept his hand at Jensen's back, guiding him in to the house as he had last night. Mila trotted along behind them, tail wagging and nose up in the air. Before they had gotten very far, Mom came up to them, throwing her arms around Jensen.
Jeff stiffened, knowing that Jensen didn't like to be touched by people he didn't know.
"I'm so sorry! You poor boy!" She pulled away and patted Jensen's cheeks gently.
Jensen bit his lip and Jeff knew he was holding back. "Mom," he said. "What are you talking about?"
"We finally watched the media broadcasts. Your sisters forwarded us the relevant bits." Dad let out a sigh. "You've been through a lot, Jensen."
"He has." Jeff put his arm around Jensen's waist. They'd tortured him and tried to break him, but Jensen had survived. Jeff had to swallow down a lump in his throat. He saw his mother wipe her eyes, hiding the tears.
Jensen covered Jeff's hand with his own and squeezed it gently. "I'd honestly prefer not to talk about it, if you don't mind."
"Of course. I made a salad and some finger sandwiches for lunch. Jeff, if you and Jensen could set the table I'll bring it all out."
Jensen grinned. "I'd be happy to help."
That was another point for Mom. Jeff had to swallow down the emotions that threatened to come up, especially as he watched Jensen lay the plates on the table. First Jensen felt for the edge with one hand, before carefully putting the white and lavender ceramic plate down. Jeff followed with the silverware, for a moment so lost in memories he couldn't speak.
He'd brought Katie here to meet his family nearly a decade ago now. His mom had sent Katie to set the table while she quizzed him about his plans to settle down. She'd wanted him to leave the military for so long and had hoped Katie would be the reason, the one thing that would get Jeff out of the line of fire.
Back then duty was more important than anything else. Jeff was too busy saving other people to worry about himself. But now, he thought he'd paid his dues, they both had. He and Jensen deserved this, deserved something more.
"All right?" Jensen asked.
"Absolutely perfect," Jeff told him.
***
Jensen dug into the dirt, feeling a little bit like Mila as he did so. But there was something satisfying in using his own hands in physical labor. He was on his knees, bent over the garden bed helping to create life of the green sort. It made him smile.
"That looks just about perfect, dear."
Jeff's mom had invited him to help her work in her garden. She never seemed to notice his blindness, although she gave him tasks he could do easily enough by feeling around with his fingers. Right now he dug holes for her bulbs, counting the distance between them by walking his fingers through the dirt.
He remembered the incredible gardens around the palace on Harmony. In the midst of metal and stone, they had lush greenery, intricate trees and bushes dotted with beds of colorful flowers. He'd walked into clearings arranged around a fountain, encased by the branches of trees. The one thing Jensen couldn't quite recall was the scent of them. His memory lingered in the visual that he could no longer indulge in.
Jensen knew scent now. He caught the wet richness of the earth or the thick fragrance of the flowers. Sometimes when Jeff's mother bent close her perfume drifted over him, a mix of flowers and spice. He wanted to ask her about it, but didn't want to seem overly forward.
Jeff's mother had thrown all of his expectations and carefully worded plans aside. She seemed to accept him as part of her family already and Jensen didn't quite know how to handle that.
"What are we planting?" he asked as he sat back on his heels, feeling the stone path beneath him.
"Hyacinth," she told him. "Before it gets cold. They'll sprout in the spring."
Jensen frowned, trying to remember what hyacinth looked like. "Are they the little purple flowers?"
"Purple and white. Lovely scent, too. You'll be able to really appreciate them in the spring."
Jensen rubbed his hands together, dusting as much of the dirt off as he could. "You seem to think I'll be here then."
"Don't tell me my son hasn't made his intentions plain?" Jeff's mother sounded almost angry. Jensen had no doubt that she'd go and give Jeff a stern talking to if he hadn't.
"Oh, no. I mean, yes, he has." If there was one thing Jeff made clear was that he wanted to be with Jensen. Jensen could feel a little flush rising in his cheeks and he wasn't sure if it was embarrassment or sunburn. "I just didn't think you'd want me with your son."
She took his hand, patting it gently. It reminded Jensen strongly of Jeff, of the way he showed his affection through touch. Jeff probably got that from his mom. "Jeff," she let out a sigh. "Jeff has the Corps deep in his blood. It took me a long time to accept that. No mother wants to see her baby getting hurt. I think you're a lot like him. You understand that about him the way no one else can."
Jensen covered her hand over his, feeling the strength there along with the slightly wrinkled, yet soft, skin. "What about Katie?" He needed to ask when Jeff wasn't there to change the subject.
"Ah." He could hear the smile in her voice. "Katie. That girl was a fighter. She fought against everything and everyone. At the time, Jeff needed that, I think."
"But not anymore?"
She pulled her hand from his, but only to touch the side of his face, perhaps clearing away some dirt. "You know Katie's favorite flower was the camellia?"
"Um. No, I didn't." Jensen had no clue what this was about.
"They are large red flowers. You can't miss them when you walk into the garden. I planted the shrubs after she died." She pulled away from him. "The hyacinth isn't anywhere as large. But its scent tickles your nose and it takes over a room before you've even noticed its there."
Jensen swallowed hard, realizing what she was saying. He was Jeff's hyacinth, taking a place in his life that neither of them expected.
"Now, call that dog of yours before she digs up my tulips."
Jensen laughed. "Mila!"
***
"Stop spying out the window, Jeff. You're acting like your mother is going to kidnap him."
Jeff turned away from the window where he could just barely make out Jensen and his mother working in her garden. "Can you blame me? He's blind, dad."
"And your mother knows that. She'll keep the sharp tools away."
"You're not exactly inspiring confidence here." Jeff dropped onto the couch, sprawling to take up as much room as possible.
His father had gone to poke at the liquor cabinet. "Drink? I have some lovely brandy from the border."
Jeff tapped his fingers on the arm of the couch, unable to keep still. A drink might calm him down a bit, but he wanted to keep his mind clear. "Isn't it a little early for that?"
"It's very good brandy." Dad poured himself a fingers width, carrying the glass with him as he settled in his recliner. Jeff wondered if he and Mom still argued over that chair.
"Mom seems to like Jensen," Jeff said, wishing he had a drink to fiddle with. Right now he didn't know where to put his hands. He hated that Jensen was out of sight, though he damn well knew he had to give the other man his space.
Dad peered at him over his glass. He looked so much older than the last time Jeff had come home - his hair had gone completely gray, the wrinkles around his eyes were more pronounced. "Is there any reason she shouldn't?"
"Neither of you mind that his face has been plastered all over the media feeds?"
Dad leaned forward. "We felt the same way when it was your face all over the media feeds. Scared to death."
Jeff didn't like to think about those days. They'd called him a hero, just like they were calling Jensen a hero. He'd done what he could at Alfani and managed to save 300 people. But there were still bad days when Jeff thought it hadn't been enough.
"That poor boy. What he had to go through, I can't imagine." Dad shook his head. "But because of him, the Confed may destroy itself."
Some people didn't think Jensen was a hero. Jeff rubbed his forehead, remembering hearing Rick call Jensen a whore. Damn it, he hated that Jensen had internalized that, thought of his work as anything but commendable.
"Thought you and Mom weren't following the feeds."
"Jeff, we always follow news on the war. We just don't always watch it. Besides, I bet Jensen is damn tired of getting recognized."
"Especially when he can't see the people staring at him."
Dad picked up the remote for the main comm unit in this room. He fiddled with it for a moment before speaking. "I wanted to tell you I'm glad you're finally settling down."
"Dad. . ."
"Let me finish. Your mom and I were long past asking you to give up the Corps. He seems like a good man and if he's the one who makes you happy, whether you're in space or not, well, all the better for us."
"Thanks, Dad." Jeff felt the weight lift off his shoulders.
"And, stars, if he can survive your mother's gardening lectures, he sure is a keeper."
Jeff laughed.
Dad flicked on the comm. "Want to keep up with the news now. Heard something was brewing in the Confed."
After a moment he found a news feed that wasn't annoying as all heck. Jeff watched the hologram in the center of the room, dumbfounded as the entire forces of the Confed were turned against each other, represented on a grid in four different colors, each representing a different heir to the emperor's reign. It must be hard to tell who your friends were. Space battles were chaotic enough when there was just one enemy to worry about, never mind three.
The holo changed to the image of a news anchor, a woman in a smart looking blue suit and too perfect hair. Behind her the image of a man appeared.
"Breaking news just in. We've learned that the youngest son of the Confed emperor, Prince Milo, has been killed in combat. Milo was the heir who was least expected to take on his father's reign, but was unwilling to back any of his siblings. There is no word on who his forces are now supporting . . . Stay on this station for a retrospective on the history of the Confederation, the emperor, including exclusive baby holos. . ."
Dad switched off the holo. "See why we don't watch the feeds?"
Jeff ran his hands through his hair. He was damn glad he wasn't in the field right now. Space must be chaos. What was going on in the border? Had the slave trade stopped or intensified? Who controlled the power sources? Had they found the source of the information leak in the UP?
"I don't blame you." Jeff stood and started to pace. He was not thinking about contacting some colleagues and seeing what was really going on, he absolutely wasn't.
He heard the back door open and his mother's voice. Jensen was back.
***
Jensen doubted Jeff had any real time to think about preparing a scene. They had spent most of the day with his parents, staying for dinner as well. He found himself really liking Jeff's mom, though her preoccupation with getting Liz set up with someone - anyone - was slightly disconcerting. Before they left, she pressed Jensen's hand tightly and told him to make sure Jeff kept in touch. Jensen had agreed. He understood the need to keep family close.
Once they got back to the hotel room, Jensen figured they'd head to bed early. He started to get out his nighttime meds and had the case out of his bag and on the end table when Jeff finally spoke up.
"How tired are you, exactly?"
Jensen's hands hovered over his pill case. He thought about it, cataloging the aches and pains in his body after a day of gardening. The physical activity was different than riding, but he realized he had missed the exercise. He was tired, but not sleepy. "I don't think I'm ready to go to bed just yet."
Jeff chuckled. "You will be when I'm done with you."
Those words, that deep voice, it all went straight to Jensen's groin. If he wasn't interested before, he damn well was now. "All right," he said.
"Strip. Everything. I don't want to see a stitch of clothing on you."
"Yes, sir."
Without his clothes on Jensen always felt more vulnerable, especially with how he was perpetually in the dark. It was too much like his time as a prisoner of the Confed. He stretched out his senses as he stood, completely nude, in the hotel room, trying to listen for Jeff, paying attention to any vibrations from the floor to try to guess where Jeff had gone. It wasn't until he felt Jeff's breath against the back of his neck that he felt at all safe.
Then Jeff covered Jensen's eyes with a soft fabric, probably one of the scarves from his toy bag. Jensen let out a little laugh. "Isn't this a little redundant?"
A sharp smack to one ass cheek had him gasping.
"Who's in charge here?" Jeff asked in a sharp voice.
Jensen swallowed, clenching and unclenching his hands. "You, sir."
He relaxed a bit when he felt Jeff's hand on his back, his palm warm against Jensen's skin. "Remember your word," Jeff said. "Soon as you say it, this all stops."
Jensen didn't want it to stop. Not yet anyway. Anticipation filled him as he waited for what Jeff would do next. He started to remember what it was he liked, the pleasure that came only from willingly giving over control to someone else, as long as that person was worthy.
Jeff didn't take his hands off of Jensen's body. He slid down Jensen's back, down his ass cheeks, which he parted for a just a moment, as if giving some sort of inspection. Jeff had amazing hands, strong and sure. Jensen's cock ached, so hard at just the idea of Jeff touching him.
He could smell Jeff as he circled around, still keeping up that light yet persistent touch, a bit of sweat and the faint trail of the soap used in his shirts. Jensen inhaled deeply, almost tasting that aroma of musk that meant Jeff was just as turned on as he.
The blindfold was a constant presence on his face and, oddly enough, it charged the scene. It reminded Jensen of the very first time they had come together, back on the Mercury. Jeff had used the blindfold then and had made Jensen beg. He swallowed, wondering if Jeff would do that again.
"Get on your back on the bed," Jeff ordered. "Hands on the headboard."
"Yes, sir."
Jensen stepped forward and nearly tripped. He should have known he was so close to the bed. But something about the heat of the scene had crossed all of his wires. He threw his hands out and crawled onto the bed.
Something of his old self had him wiggling his ass and hopefully giving Jeff a little show. Jensen had known his body before; he'd known how to show it off to its best advantage. It might have changed, but Jeff still seemed fond of it.
It felt good to stretch his arms over his head, to grasp the headboard and hold on. When Jeff straddled him Jensen caught his breath, feeling the scrape of Jeff's jeans against his bare skin. Jeff hadn't stripped and that was something that never failed to turn Jensen's crank. Then Jeff wound a loop of scarf around one wrist before affixing it to the headboard.
He tugged on it for a moment before saying, "You can still slip out of it, if you need to."
Jensen tugged on the bonds and realized Jeff was right. Sometimes that could be more dangerous than completely binding a sub so they couldn't untie themselves. But it wasn't his role to lecture Jeff, not anymore. He'd given himself over to Jeff's care and understood that Jeff wanted him to know he could escape. Hazard or no, Jensen appreciated it.
"Thank you, sir," he whispered.
Jeff curved a hand around Jensen's cheek, holding his face in place as he kissed him. This kiss was dominating, possessing. Jeff took Jensen's mouth, keeping him in place with nothing more than his own lips and tongue. As he pulled away Jensen found himself panting for more. Then Jeff tied his other wrist to the headboard.
Jensen tugged on his bindings. He groaned, clenching his fists as he struggled. It felt good to be bound at Jeff's mercy. His entire body thrummed with excitement and desire. He arched his back as Jeff pulled away, missing the contact.
"Spread those long legs," Jeff ordered, gently pressing Jensen's thighs apart.
Jensen shivered at the touch on the sensitive skin so close to his groin. Why couldn't Jeff touch him where he wanted?
The weight on the bed shifted as Jeff moved to gather something. Jensen held his breath, listening hard to see if he could guess what Jeff meant to do now. He heard the snap of the bottle of lube. Jensen spread his thighs further, canting his hips up. He hoped he didn't appear too eager, but it was like last night had opened the floodgates. Jensen knew he could trust Jeff, to both ground him and take him to the highest of sexual heights.
He bit his lip when Jeff's fingers touched his hole. The lube wasn't cold, which meant he'd warmed it in his hands beforehand.
"Let me know if it's too much."
Before Jensen could ask him what he meant, he felt the pressure of something hard against his opening. Jeff had used one of the dildos from the toybag. Jensen breathed out carefully as he bore down against the dildo. If Jeff thought he was ready for this then he could take it.
Jeff started slow, opening him up until Jensen could take the full length of the dildo. He stopped to add more lube every so often, so the intrusion was welcome, especially when it tapped against his prostate.
Jensen gasped and cried out, pulling against the bonds holding him to the bed. "Please!"
"Easy, boy, I'll get you there," Jeff promised.
Jensen closed his eyes, letting himself feel the weight of the blindfold over them. He lost himself in sensation - the tightening scarves around his wrists, the slight ache in his thighs as he kept them pulled apart, and the warm fullness inside him. He floated on a sea of desire, his cock so swollen it hurt.
"Can you come off of this boy?" Jeff asked, his voice down to a deep growl. "This dildo splitting you open?"
Jensen moaned, tilting his hips to chase the dildo as Jeff pulled it out. "If you want me to I will."
"Oh, Jen." Jeff put one hand on Jensen's hip, holding him in place as the other moved the dildo faster and deeper. He knew Jensen's body so well, getting the rhythm just right.
Before Jensen could doubt himself or his ability do what Jeff asked, the dildo pressed hard against his prostate as Jeff took hold of Jensen's cock. The touch scalded him. Jeff's hand was hot and rough, and the simple contact was all he needed to come with a shout.
Jensen panted as if he'd been running all night. He just heard the sounds of Jeff unzipping his fly and he whimpered, expecting Jeff to take the dildo out and slide right in. Instead, he felt Jeff push the dildo in deeper.
"Gonna come on you, boy, show you who you belong to."
"Please," Jensen murmured.
He could hear the sounds of Jeff breathing speeding up as he stroked himself to completion. Jensen held himself taut, waiting for the moment that Jeff's come landed on his belly and chest. He sank against the sheets, feeling a weird sort of release as the hot liquid touched his skin.
Jeff's hands followed, rubbing his come into Jensen's skin. He stretched out next to Jensen, nibbling up his jaw and the lobe of his ear. "Mine."
"Yours," Jensen agreed, turning his head to meet Jeff for a kiss.
Jensen's limbs felt too heavy, his body loose and free. He dozed slightly, not resisting when Jeff pulled out the dildo and undid the knots on the scarves, letting Jensen's hands free. Jeff left the blindfold for last.
"It would have been nice if I'd suddenly been able to see once you did that." Jensen let out a yawn, covering his mouth a shade too late.
Jeff ran his fingers through Jensen's hair and he leaned into the touch. "Wish that too, Jensen."
"Mmmm," Jensen mumbled, snuggling against a warm and soft Jeff. "Sleep now."
Jeff laughed. "You still have to take your meds. I'll let Mila out."
Jensen's eyes snapped open. "Oh, poor dog, where is she?"
"Under the bed. I think she knows when we need to be alone."
Jensen could feel himself flush. He knew she was smarter than the average dog, but stars knew, he really hoped she didn't understand this. "Next time we get the dog her own room."
He let Jeff's laughter soothe him into sleep.
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