Sawajiri Legacy ;; Generation 3.5
+ heir poll result!
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1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5
2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5
3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4
When we last left the Sawajiri family, Hiroshi once again sucked at being a proper parent by prioritizing sex over keeping track of his house keys, resulting in all three of them pissing themselves in the yard for a whole week. However throughout this epic failure, both Midori and Takao somehow managed to find themselves a mate and - gasp! - Takao's is a man. I'm also pretty sure Midori's might be Edward Cullen in disguise, but I digress. However, in the end Hiroshi did manage to get them all back in the house... but was that really the best idea?
Midori: Boyfriend! Now that I am able to get back into my house... er, I mean, I didn't live on a lawn! What? No, I'm confused. I hit my head falling down the stairs but guess what; I got a new bed! ... Sorta. Anyway, I feel the need to put it to better use than sleeping, so come over?
Edward Cullen Dave: I am so glad you brought me here to sex in your new bed, although I am confused as to why you're seducing me in a bathroom.
Midori: Well it's clean, and you're a clean-cut type of guy. Follow my logic? I thought it was pretty clever, myself.
Dave: Honey, you had me at sex. I could not give a fuck and a half about anything else right now.
It shouldn't shock me that Hiroshi's children are a bit whorish. I'm just saying.
Surprisingly though, instead of being out screwing half the town, Hiroshi's getting fucking Willie Wonka up in this bitch.
Mmmm, chocolate.
Midori: OH GOD.
Now she's a baby-making whore.
Unlike Midori however, Hiroshi uses his brain - and a condom - when he sticks it to his eighteenth conquest.
Midori: Uh, Dad? I think I might be---
Hiroshi: Shut up, child. I know what's going on here, however I choose to be blissfully unaware. Now finish your food and get out of my sight; Daddy's got a hot date coming over this afternoon!
This isn't his hot date.
...Obviously.
But this is :D
Celeste: Da fuq just happened?
Hiroshi: Thank you, creepy gypsy madame. She's perfect. But then again, for §4000, she better be.
Creepy Gypsy: Ay, sir; she does bondage for an extra §1000... think about it.
Hiroshi: I... uh, will. Thanks.
And number nineteen was successfully taken to bed like a cheap hooker. Well, actually an expensive hooker, but regardless.
Meanwhile, back in the land of teenage pregnancies...
Midori: Oh, damn. I'm glad Dad doesn't seem to give a fuck, since I'm sure Dave's balls would be in a jar on the kitchen counter if he did. And that just seems really unsanitary.
Midori: I don't know what to do, Takao! I know I should probably call Dave and tell him what happened, but what if he doesn't want the baby? Then what? I'll be stuck raising it all on my own because you know Dad won't help, and I don't know what to do with a tiny human! I'll probably end up drowning it by accident! But you, you are responsible, right? You could help! You could raise my baby for me, what do you say??
Takao: Omg. BITCH, YOU BEST BE JOKING. La, la, la, la, la; not hearing this!!
I know "violence isn't the answer," but if my sister tried to lay that on me, I'd kick the crap out of her.
But Takao probably has more class than I do :P
Takao: I can't deal with this shit anymore. Come be my knight in shining armor and sweep me off my feet?
Always.
Takao: Thank you for taking me away from the craziness, beautiful man of mine! My man-whore of a father keeps bringing his conquests home, and my slut sister got herself knocked up and wants me to raise the child. Me! I wish I could just stay in your arms forever and block out the world.
Tony: Sugar Muffin, I gotchu anytime you wanna bounce out of that loony-bin, alright? You're too damn sexy to ever have to deal with rampaging bullshit like that.
Takao: How are you this perfect? Ugh, be mine forever please.
jfkbdjfkdf the cute! ♥
Dude, this guy is spoiling Takao all to fuck. Not like a rich kid really needs that, but hey.
Look at the cute little Brick Layer though! Already on his way to becoming a full-fledged architect. Aww :]
Midori: OH GOD OH GOD, IT'S TEARING ME OPEN!
Takao: Shhh, can't you see I'm trying to watch something? Damn, girl. *turns TV up louder*
Aww, baby Jun is so freaking perfect looking, isn't he??
Too bad I'm evil.
I mean, ON WITH THE STORY! :D
Oh right, Midori aged into an adult; hence the change in wardrobe. I somehow managed to miss her birthday, I'm not quite sure how ¬_¬ But whatever.
Hey look, a roll!
Go figure.
Midori: What a pretty star! So shiny and big and... moving??
Midori: DA FUQ?!
Midori: Nuuu! I don't want to get probed! I'm an anal sex virgin and am prone to hemorrhoids, please...!
Takao: ...Where the hell is my useless sister?!
Takao: It's okay baby Jun... your mom is a complete cock wrangler for running out on you like that, but don't you worry; your uncle Takao will always be here to make you as fabulous as you can be!
Ugh, perfect child is perfect. And just about as fabulous as Takao was hoping for :D
But the kid being pretty doesn't really excuse Midori's absence, does it?
Takao: Oh! Look who finally decided to show her face around here. You got a lot of nerve, sister. You know who's been taking care of your kid while you're out fucking half of Veronaville? Me. ME!
Midori: It's not my fault, Takao! There were these aliens; they took me up into their ship and did horrible things to me! They kept talking about my reproductive system and my child-bearing hips; it was so distressing!
Takao: Aliens. ALIENS? That's the best you got? Gtfo out of my face, you piece of fail.
Midori: Why is this my life?!!
You got nothing to complain about yet, girl; I ain't done.
Midori: Oh, for the love of shit. LEAVE ME ALONE!
I'm so mean.
Takao: I am gonna kill your mommy one day, Jun. Yes I am, oh yes I am...!
Not that Hiroshi's paying any attention to what's going on though; he went out and found his twentieth woman to bang. Woot!
FYEAH.
Alien: TARGET HAS BEEN IMPLANTED. MISSION: RETURN TO THE MOTHER PLANET. BEEP BEEP BO EEEPPPPP.
Midori: I really hate my entire life. And I think I bruised my tail bone during that landing. God, aliens have no respect!
Oh just you wait, it's not over yet...
Midori: What? WHAT? Oh god, they did it! It was the aliens! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE AN ALIEN CHILD; WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK?!
Takao: Pregnant slut!
Probably something along the lines of that, actually.
Midori: Dad, I know you don't really care, but I need some help. These aliens keep abducting me, and now I think I'm pregnant with their child! I need to find a way to make it stop, PLEASE!
Hiroshi: First off, I don't think you should be making excuses for being a slut. We all know alien's needs sex too and frankly I'm ashamed that you would try to turn this into a "abduction" just to make yourself feel better. But, regardless of what I think; I believe I can help you. You see, this gypsy I call who also doubles as a pimp on the weekends has talked about such a ritual in passing. To make the aliens stop, all you have to do is sacrifice your first born.
See, I told you not to make frivolous promises in the last post...
Midori: My JUN?!!
Yup, your Jun. Why? Because I'm a horrible person.
Hiroshi: Hey, don't fret; you already got another one on the way to replace him! You won't even miss the snot-nosed brat, I assure you. GOOD TALK, KID.
And the "Father of the Year" award goes to...
Actually, their website doesn't say this year's winner yet, but I'm pretty sure it's not Hiroshi.
Midori: Creepy gypsy lady? I need some help. These aliens---
Creepy Gypsy: Ah, no problem, my child. I will have someone come and pick up your first born in the morning.
Midori: But I was wondering if there was another--
Creepy Gypsy: NO. I need your child. Story; end of. *click*
Sucks to be her.
But anyway, Hiroshi might not have gotten "Father of The Year" but he definitely wins the "Bad Timing" award:
I wasn't done with him yet :[
Grim Reaper: Your time of spreading STDs around this town is up, sir.
Hiroshi: But I--! Hey, what? STDs...?? I don't have--
Grim Reaper: You thought you were dying of old age? Bahaha. You're so delusional; it's cute.
Oh well.
Midori: Oh god oh god, the alien offspring is arriving!
fjdkfgd how cute is she? This is Yoko :]]
The Creepy Gypsy's Woman Servant: Good morning! I have come to collect your first born. This beautiful child will make a nice sacrifice to the alien king--- wait a minute.
The Creepy Gypsy's Woman Servant: Gonna have to take this one too. Government experimentation; I'll make a fucking bundle off this little freak.
Midori: My babies!
So, honesty hour: I've actually never gotten my children taken away from the Social Worker in this game because I am an excellent gamer. Or, you know, just overly anal and a complete micro-manager. But regardless, I thought she would just take the neglected child and leave little Yoko alone. Bitch -___- I really wanted to see how she'd look when she grew up! But whatever; I'll survive, lol. Midori's survival, however, is a bit questionable. She doesn't have the best of luck.
Takao: You are, without a doubt, the worst parent I have ever met! I can't wait to grow up and get out of this freak show of a house! Screw you, screw our dead father, and screw your stupid little alien cult!
Takao: ...This will do.
Yeah, maybe for you. But that outfit is way too heterosexual for you, boy.
Ah, that's better.
Takao: As promised, I am so outta here, bitch; I'm taking half the money AND the damn robot. I never want to see your face again!
Midori: Fine! See if I care!
Look, I even did the math for you guys. I'm so efficient.
So, with his forty-odd thousand simoleons, Takao stormed out of the family house and built himself a little town home...
...Right next to his sister's house.
Yeah, dude. I'm sure you'll "never see her again" when she's down the friggin' street. Nice move.
But hey, let's check out his new place!
Living room.
Kitchen.
Bathroom.
Bedroom.
Hallway.
Wait, are those the founder portraits? Doesn't that mean...?
Yup! Takao is our heir :D And in a brand new house, because GOD do I get bored of rich sims super quickly. I just find no challenge in it, personally; so expect to watch me change houses at least one other time before this legacy is finished.
But, before you go...!
Check out the family tree :] This will be the last time you can see them all in one shot, so I had to savor it.
...Alright, you can go now.
NEXT TIME...
Will Takao's boyfriend still love him even though he's no longer living in a mansion, or was he just after his money? With Fortune sims, you can never be too sure...
A/N: There will be a bit of a wait between this update and the next, as I'm now going to head back over to my aspiration legacy and finish up gen two. But I'll be back, don't worry :D