Forever & Ever 24
Title: Forever & Ever (Miseinen Sequel)
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7.1| Part 7.2| Part 8.1| Part 8.2| Part 9| Part 10| Part 11| Part 12| Part 13| Part 14| Part 15| Part 16| Part 17| Part 18| Part 19| Part 20| Part 21| Part 22| Part 23
With the third knock, Kai assumed that perhaps he wasn’t home. With the black sweater hanging from the crook of his arm, he stood there, resigning himself.
“He’s probably asleep,” A woman said in accented Japanese.
Kai turned and looked at her. He hadn’t seen her standing there. She couldn’t have been more than 25 and she was tall, blonde woman with impossibly clear blue eyes. “I’m sorry?” he asked.
“D’Marcus, all he does is sleep all day,” she smiled.
“Oh…sounds like him,” Kai laughed. “You know him?”
“Yeah, we are both Americans so…” she shrugged. “That’s how we started talking…”
“Are you here to see him too?”
“No, no, I live right next door,” she pointed to her apartment. “I just came back from a restaurant and I saw you pounding away.”
“I see,” Kai bowed politely.
“Your name is Kai, right?” she asked.
He looked up at her shocked. “Excuse me?”
“That isn’t your name?”
“It is. It is,” he replied quickly. “How did you know?”
“He mentioned you and you fit his description…that’s all,” she smiled. Even though she was quite young, she had a strong maternal quality to her. She ran her hands through her pale blonde hair. She was rather made up, somewhat like a cheap hooker with dark blue eye shadow and lipstick. She wore heels even though she was taller than most Japanese men and she had on a sparkly mini-skirt. “No, I’m not a hostess or a prostitute,” she said she watched him examine her outfit in surprise. “I’m a hair dresser…back home,” she added quickly at the end.
“Why are you in Tokyo?”
“Love,” she answered outright.
“Love?” his eyes widened.
“Yeah,” she nodded. “Fell in love and it brought me here. Long story,” she shook her head.
“Oh…” Kai looked away. “It sounds…like…something bad happened to you…”
“Well…” she looked around at the white hallway walls. “Between you and me little brother, some of us are more willing to go all the way than others. Give it all, you know what I mean?”
“He wasn’t…”
“She…” She glanced at him and seeing the surprise she knew would appear on his face, she laughed warmly. “Yeah, big lesbian here.”
“I’m sure you disappoint a lot of men,” Kai smiled. “I don’t mean that in an insulting way or anything,” he added quickly. “You’re just really attractive…that’s all.”
“Well thank you,” she bowed dramatically as if she were on stage. “But hey…that reminds me…Don’t drag him along okay? Must be something common with you Japanese people but…uh…if you are going to do something, mean it? Get me, kiddo?”
“Um…yeah…” he looked down.
Looking at D’s front door, the woman started to pound on it loudly like a cop ready to make a drug bust. “That’s how you should knock,” she whispered and with a wink, headed to her apartment.
“Just a second,” he could hear D groaning as he roused himself from sleep.
Soon the door opened and D seeing Kai standing there stared at him in shock. “Um,” he said, suppressing the urge to shut it merely out of his fear of confrontation. “Kai…Hi.”
“Hey,” Kai smiled. Seeing D’s expression become soft at seeing him smiling, Kai added quickly “Can I come in?”
Stepping aside, he let him in. “Tea?” was all he could say.
“Sure,” Kai smiled once more. “I’d love some.”
D quickly went to the kitchen to get the tea and the cups. Coming back, he stared at him tensely. “I had no idea you were coming over…”
“I didn’t call or anything…” Kai stood there awkwardly. “May I sit down?” he gestured to the couch.
“OH! Yes, please…” D bit his lip nervously. “Um…”
“I came by…I…forgot to give this back to you,” he presented the sweater to him.
“Thank you…” he muttered under his breath as he took it from him. He watched Kai as he sat down. “How are you?”
“Good,” he smiled his dimpled smile. “You?”
“I’m…okay…” he stared at him as if he had seen a ghost.
“I caught you by surprise huh?”
“A bit…”
“I can leave if I make you uncomfortable…”
“No!” D said rather quickly and then realizing that he had replied too soon and with too much enthusiasm, looked away embarrassed. “No….uh… I’m okay,” he lied. “Shit, I’ll get the tea,” he suddenly said as the thought occurred to him.
Kai for some reason found it a bit amusing, the way he was reacting. He suppressed a smile as he waited for him to return.
“Here,” D said as he placed the cups on the table in front of the couch and poured him some tea. “Its green tea by the way…It’s the only kind I have,” he let out a soft laugh.
“Thank you,” Kai looked up and smiled widely at him.
“Kai…” D said to himself and sat down next to hm.
“Hm?” he turned and looked at him.
“It’s just…you’re always smiling. That’s all.”
Kai smiled once more. “I know.”
“I like that about you,” he took a deep sigh and then realizing that he had said something revealing, looked away from him.
“Been a couple of weeks…” Kai remarked as he took a sip of his tea.
“Yeah…” D played with his fingers anxiously.
“I’m usually the nervous one,” Kai giggled.
“Nervous?!” D looked at him surprised.
With a soft, sweet voice, he remarked “You’re nervous.”
“Maybe.” He stared him straight in the eyes.
“You are.” Kai didn’t look away.
“I am.”
“Don’t be.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what I’m supposed to say,” Kai giggled.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too…”
They both sat there quietly.
Yeah, Kai usually was the nervous one but when he was with D, he felt really calm. Being with him was like finding in the busy hectic city that one secret park secluded by trees, void of any sound and of other people. Even when he was anxious like this, he always had the calming lake like feel about him. Perhaps, the serenity was the result of his sensitivity or his delicate gentleness.
“I’m still with Haru…” Kai said breaking the silence. He stared down at the green hot liquid resting calmly in the tiny tea cup.
“How is it with you two…”
“Okay…”
D turned and looked at the side of his face. He seemed to be carrying some kind of stress or some sort of pain or frustration. “Are you happy?” he reached over and pushed the hair out of his face gently.
“Honestly?” Kai smiled bitterly. The hot cup felt good against the skin of his sore hands. He’s been working too hard. He knew it. Hours at the restaurant, hours are home practicing, working with the band, doing shows. But this was his dream right? He needed to work toward it. It was who he was. But his hands were sore and cut and blistered.
“Honestly.”
“I feel…empty for some reason. For the first time in my life, I feel empty,” he looked up.
“Drumming doesn’t help? Being up there…on the stage,” D spoke in slow, hollow voice.
“It used to but now…I don’t know…I feel like it isn’t about drumming anymore. I don’t know what it is but it just got so complicated suddenly. I don’t feel the flow anymore. It’s more like I’m just hitting it in time, you know what I mean?”
“Mhm…I do.”
“I don’t know…maybe it’s just a phase,” he took a drink of the tea.
D didn’t have the answers. Maybe if he knew about the situation with Gazette and Lie:Death he could give him some advice but he didn’t. All he could do was comfort and listen to him. “Don’t do anything that doesn’t make you happy.” He reached over and taking the cup from his hands, set it on the table and in their place, he put his own hand.
“I wish it was simple like that but I feel like I can’t make a move, you know? Like I know that if I leave all of this, I’ll be worse and then…I know that I will come around and feel my connection to the music again. It’s just…” he sighed.
“It’s okay,” D squeezed his hand. “It’s okay,” he repeated. “Take things slowly. Maybe it isn’t something big like that, like drumming or not drumming.”
“Maybe…” he looked down at D’s large masculine hand, the wide space between his knuckles and the prominent veins.
“When I’m stressed out I try to remove-and I know that’s not the right word,” he laughed in spite of himself. “I try to make things simpler, you know?”
“Mhm,” Kai looked up and smiled at him.
“Get rid of the unnecessary things, the things that clutter your life,” he smiled back at him. “Even if I am one of them,” he added.
“Actually, I should probably spend more time with you,” Kai laughed. “You make me feel calm.”
“Good,” he smiled a small smile as he stared at Kai’s big black eyes.
“Hm…make my life simpler…” he said to himself. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to confront this, to confront himself on what wasn’t necessary. In a way, ridding oneself of these things was like coming to terms with your delusions. He took a deep sigh and looking back at D said “Thank you.”
D nodded absently. “I’m happy you came by…”
“Can I ask you something D,” Kai laughed.
“Hm?”
“Why do you like me so much?”
“Like you?”
“I’m not an idiot…neither are you…”
“Oh,” D let go of his hand. He had to fight the urge to get up and change the conversation. “Um…I just do.”
“Really?”
“Why not?” He laughed uncomfortably. “Look…I’m bad at explaining these things. Don’t make me.”
Kai laughed softly. “Okay,” he placed a hand on D’s knee. “Okay,” he repeated.
Why did he like him so much? Was it his energy, his liveliness? He liked the way he talked, the things he said, his earnestness. Other people didn’t feel as real as Kai, they didn’t have his conviction, his power or his intensity. He was the sort of person that made things feel possible. And his heart was open and he spoke freely from it. Even if at times, he was a bit aggressive it was the result of his ceaseless lust for life. But perhaps, what he liked the most about him was that he was always smiling and laughing. It was comforting and it made D feel like in the end, things whatever they were, were going to be alright in the end. He knew that he smiled like that not just for himself but for others. That was the sort of person that he was. Kai was truly altruistic and his joy was generous.
“Kai?”
“Hm?” he smiled at him.
“Can I kiss you?”
He stared at him, his mouth slightly open from what could have been shock or temptation, D couldn’t tell nor did he try to figure it out. Whatever happened regardless of how they felt, rested on what Kai was going to say.
“Sure.” He nearly whispered.
D moving slowly toward him, lifted up his hand and gently cupping the back of Kai’s head, inched closer. His eyes remained open, looking into his. Kai waited for him to press his lips against his own and when he felt their large softness, he pursed his lips and kissed back. With more intensity, D kissed him once more. This time closing his eyes and gingerly pressing his tongue against his lip.
Kai giggled. “You’re always so good at this,” he said with his mouth next to his.
D merely kissed him in response.
“So soft,” Kai whispered. “And gentle…slow…”
“You like that?” D smiled.
“I’d like any way you kissed me…” Kai replied and realizing suddenly how that sounded, how revealing, how strangely romantic, he pulled away with another laugh. “Sorry,” he smiled embarrassedly. “I uh…just remembered…I have to go to practice.” It was meant to be a ruse of sorts but as the words came out, he realized that they were true. “I’ll…come by…again…I promise…” He quickly got to his feet. “Thank you,” he bowed.
“Uh…” D stood up as well. “Are you sure?”
“I’m not lying to you,” he smiled. “You know how the band can be,” he giggled nervously and rubbed the back of his head. “I’ll come back. Okay?” he smiled.
“Okay,” he nodded, feeling a sense of disappointment come over him.
“Bye!” Kai waved cutely and turning around quickly, departed leaving D standing there stunned with his heart pounding madly in his chest.
***
“So, I bet you are wondering how a playwright of all things can have all this money?” Katsura laughed. He had in his hand a clear, crystal glass of red wine and he stood leaning against the chic white wall of his downtown Tokyo apartment. The light from the full length windows poured in and fell upon all the beautiful objects in the room of which there were so many, that Ruki could not stop observing everything: silver sculptures some of which he could recognize were made by Isao’s hands, imported wooden furniture, embroidered gold curtains, plush red couches.
One thing kept stealing his attention however, a large painting hanging prominently above the fireplace. It was about 4 feet tall and 2 feet wide, made of oil and framed in an ornate gold, filigree style frame. But it wasn’t necessarily the size that attracted his attention, the painting’s morbidity was excessively alluring. The young man felt as he stared longer and longer at it that it was beginning to draw him in, suck him down somewhere into someplace dark and decadent. A naked brunette woman stood front and center in the painting. Down her chest, several leeches slithered, leaving behind them a trail of blood only to reach her vagina where they crawled inside of her. Behind the woman was a two-dimensional backdrop of a Japanese demon. But despite all this what Ruki really couldn’t stop looking at was the woman’s beautiful face.
“Is she a real person?” he asked.
“Hm?” Katsura turned around and looked at the painting. “Yes, I believe so. That painting was actually commissioned by me. It’s from a young artist much like you actually.” He observed Ruki as the boy stared up at the art work.
“How do you have so much money? Do playwrights make that much?” he asked, dragging his eyes away from the woman and to Katsura.
“A combination of success, investment-in the arts of course, the right parts,” he laughed as he slowly sauntered his way over to the boy. “And coming into money from my sick old papa.” He threw himself down next to Ruki and presented him the glass of wine.
“I don’t drink.”
“Really? Why is that?”
Ruki didn’t bother to reply. He didn’t feel he had to.
“Cupid, beautiful cupid,” Katsura downed the wine and placed it on the mahogany coffee table. He lifted up his hand and snaked it around Ruki’s throat as if he were about to choke him. Dragging his thumb upward, he ran it across the boy’s full bottom lip. Ruki could see the lust in his eyes, flashing like a blackened fire. “So young and already corrupted. Your name…it isn’t your real name is it?” Again, Ruki didn’t reply. “Ever fucked a man before?”
Ruki shook his head no.
“Really?” Katsura smiled devilishly. “You know I’m old enough to be your father, right?”
“How old are you?”
“47,” he pushed his fingers inside of Ruki’s mouth and ran them up and down the boy’s tongue before pushing them as far back as he could causing him to gag.
Ruki though, was never passive. As he choked, he ran his hand up Katsura thigh and toward his crotch where he aggressively gripped the older man’s hardening erection. Katsura removed his fingers from his mouth and standing up, presented his hand to him. “Come with me,” he said. The boy smiling, placed his hand in his.
Dragging him to the bathroom, he turned on the hot water. “What are we doing?”
“You’re going to let me bathe you,” he smirked.
Everything within the bathroom was made of black marble save for the pale white ceiling lights and the glittering rows of mirrors. As the bathtub filled up, the young man started to undress, never removing his eyes off of Katsura. Even though he was doing as he asked, it was more like a granted request. He wasn’t going to lose out to him. No matter what, Ruki wanted-no, needed to be in control. Once he was completely naked, Katsura presented his hand to him once more to help him step into the tub.
As the hot water enveloped his feet, Ruki felt as if the world around him was beginning to slow down. It was like the sensation of being drained of one’s own blood. It had a sensuous feeling that at the same time rubbed across the nerves threatening to excite them and send one into a panic. But as of right now, going slow as they were, Ruki was in the curious place between calm and exhilaration.
One step at a time. One moment at a time. One kiss. One touch. He allowed himself to sink in slowly into the darkness of it.
He laid down into the tub and let the hot water surround his naked skin.
Taking off his own shirt, Katsura revealed his full formed and masculine chest. Seeing him, Ruki realized once more how much older this man was. He felt out of place suddenly but just as the thought crept up into his mind, Ruki pushed it away. Katsura grabbed something from the sink and getting on his knees, looked at the young boy as he sat immersed in the hot water of the bathtub. “Lift up your foot and put it here,” he said placing his hand on the edge of the tub that was immediately in front of him. Ruki lifted up his leg out of the water and did as he asked. Katsura grabbed a bar of soap that was resting on the corner of the tub and dipping it into the water, lathered up the young boy’s leg.
Ruki laughed. “You’re like a servant.”
“I prefer the word attendant,” the older man joked. Once he had covered his entire leg with soap, Katsura with the razor that he had stolen from the sink, started to run it up Ruki’s leg, shaving off all his hair there.
“What are doing?” he giggled.
“Primping you, Cupid.” Ruki watched him as he with interest, shaved his legs, taking care to not cut him. He didn’t stop until he had shaved the boy everywhere, his legs, his underarms, his thighs, his testicles. All the while, Ruki laughed at him and his perverted, twisted earnestness. “That’s good,” he grinned handsomely. He didn’t care what the boy thought about him. Let him think he was serving him, worshiping him, maybe he was but in the end Katsura was prepping him for his own taking. The boy was going to be his. “Now, let’s dry you off.”
“Now Cupid…Come…” he grabbed his hand and led him out of the bathroom and across the sunlit Living Room and into the bedroom where in the middle of the wide room was a massive white bed with silk sheets. Suddenly, Katsura picked the boy up causing him to yelp cutely.
“Hey,” Ruki laughed.
Katsura placed him on the bed and running his hands down his chest, gripped his knees and spread his legs a part. “Stay like that,” he said as he stared down at the boy sprawled out. He started removing the rest of his clothing, his eyes never leaving him. He crawled on top of him and looking down at his young beautiful face started to kiss him deeply, pressing his erection against the boy’s forcefully and running his hand up the back of his thigh, pressed two fingers inside of him.
Ruki let out a small high pitched scream as his hands penetrated him. He felt Katsura everywhere, in his mouth, inside his body and pressed up against his skin. He couldn’t escape his carnality and so he laid there pressed against the bed as the older man quite literally devoured him, touching him everywhere, snaking his tongue down his throat.
He let out a moan of pain as Katsura pushed another finger inside of him as he tried to stretch him. “Cupid,” he moaned against his mouth before sitting up and resting on his knees, hovering over the boy. Ruki felt a temporary release from him as if he had just come above water. The fresh air surrounded his skin as if it were a blessing. Strangely, it reminded him of the moment before Katsura knocked on the door, of the park with the father picking up his son, and the purifying sound of the children’s laughter. He felt confused and in a daze as if he had just been knocked over the head. “Cupid,” Katsura repeated as he grabbed his hair into his fist. “Suck my dick,” he moaned dirtily.
When Ruki didn’t do anything, the older man with the same fingers that were just inside of him, pressed them against his lips and sliding them in, opened his mouth. “Put it in your mouth,” he said softly to him. He didn’t mean to be cruel but he had no intention of being kind either. The young boy considered getting up and leaving but realizing that that was what a child might do, what someone weaker would do and ultimately it would mean that Katsura won, he pushed the idea out of his mind. Getting up on his elbows, he opened his mouth and waited for him to put his erection into it which without fail, he did.
“Put a lot of spit on it,” Katsura moaned as he felt the boy’s soft lips against him. “for your own good…” Impulsively, he pulled away and grabbing Ruki’s legs, held them up high as he directed himself inside of him.
“FUCK!” The boy screamed in pain. He squirmed on the bed. Katsura was going slow but he wouldn’t stop. He kept pushing and pushing. “It hurts…” he whimpered and cringed.
Once he had his entire length in him, Katsura lowered himself and pressing his chest against Ruki’s started to kiss his neck, biting and sucking and fucking him fast and hard. Ruki wanted to cry out and tell him that it hurt and to slow down but didn’t want to give in, so he grit his teeth and took it. Even though it racked his body in pain, he could still feel the pleasure of his penis rubbing against the nerves inside of him. He let out a deep throated moan.
“You’re so soft,” Katsura whispered as he ran his hands across Ruki’s body shamelessly as if he owned him. “And tight…” he groaned. Ruki could hear the sound of his thighs as they slapped against his own body as he humped him roughly. The repeated smacking drove him crazy and made him feel sick and lightheaded. He shut his eyes tightly and tried to ignore the sound. When it wouldn’t go away, he just moaned loudly, trying to cover it up as if it weren’t there.
The silk sheets began to irritate his skin. He wished that they were cotton instead. Such strange thoughts. Such random thoughts. He shook his head as if he were trying to shake out his own consciousness. Katsura’s penis seemed to impale him, cut right through his body and exist inside of him like a parasite. But it felt good, and he felt his own penis throbbing and because he liked it in some ways, wanted it even, he felt even more disgusted. He felt his blood pressure rise and heart beat quicken. He felt as if he were going to have a panic attack.
He just wanted it over.
Katsura pulled out of him and grabbing the boy as if he weighed nothing, flipped him on his stomach and pushing his head down and lifting up his waist into the air, the older man pushed himself inside of him once more. “Uhhh…” he moaned.
Ruki gripped the sheets into his hands and shut his eyes tight. Katsura’s penis went in and out, in and out, in and out. And it felt like an eternity. He grabbed Ruki’s hair and pulling it, lifted his head up off of the bed. He rode him as if he were some kind of animal.
It can’t last forever, Ruki kept telling himself. Katsura started to fuck him faster and faster and just when he was about to cum, he pulled out and pulling Ruki up to his knees, stood up and preceded to jag off right on the boy’s face. Ruki shut his eyes tightly as he felt the hot white liquid run down his cheek and down his lips. He wanted to puke.
“Beautiful,” Katsura whispered. And when Ruki opened his eyes finally and looked up at him, he realized that the man didn’t even think that what he was doing was wrong, was sick and fucked up. He acted as if the boy had enjoyed it, that he had given him pleasure. He smiled down at him as if he were his friend. “Let me finish that erection off for you, beautiful Cupid,” he got down on his knees and started to kiss his neck.
“I don’t want it anymore,’ Ruki replied flatly and pushed him away.
“What?” Katsura was legitimately shocked.
“I’m done,” he said concealing as his emotions. Appear cold, disconnected, unconcerned he told himself. You are above this. He felt himself trembling from sickness and pain. He crawled off the bed and ignoring Katsura’s persistent “wait, Ruki Wait,” over and over, he stumbled to the door way and going to the bathroom grabbed his clothes and started to dress himself.
“Ruki, I don’t understand,” he was standing in the doorway to the bathroom stark naked, a look of confusion on his face.
Don’t say anything. Nothing at all. He never got dressed so fast in his life. Seeing out of the corner of his eye, his own reflection in the mirror, he turned and looked at his flustered face. “Wow, you’re just a child, aren’t you?” he thought to himself as he looked at his rosy round cheeks and his puffy mouth. Seeing traces of Katsura’s semen still on his face, he snatched up a hand towel and turning on the faucet, dampened it and washed it off.
“Ruki, I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong? Was I too rough?”
“Yes,” he finally said. Why are you giving him consolation?
“I’m so sorry. I got carried away. I’m so sorry.” He was legitimately apologetic and upset. Ruki felt himself warming up to him but remembering the way that he was in bed, he knew that he made no precautions to be gentle. But then again, why should he? Maybe Ruki would have liked the violence. It was a possibility that could have occurred to Katsura. Forget it, Ruki, he told himself. Forget it. Don’t think on it. You can’t let grey parts exist in your life. It makes it unbearable to live, unbearable to think about.
Keep going forward.
Go forward.
Leave this place.
Run away.
“I’m sorry,” Katsura placed a soft hand on Ruki’s shoulder as the boy looked down at the wet towel.
“Sure,” he said. “I don’t really care,” he said coldly.
“You’re going home?” he asked softly.
“Yes.”
And just as the reply came out of his mouth, he wanted nothing more than to be home. Home with Fuwa.
[A/N As usual sorry for any typos or awkward sentences!!! There was another scene but as usual LJ was being a bish and told me the post was too long so... >.<]
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7.1| Part 7.2| Part 8.1| Part 8.2| Part 9| Part 10| Part 11| Part 12| Part 13| Part 14| Part 15| Part 16| Part 17| Part 18| Part 19| Part 20| Part 21| Part 22| Part 23
With the third knock, Kai assumed that perhaps he wasn’t home. With the black sweater hanging from the crook of his arm, he stood there, resigning himself.
“He’s probably asleep,” A woman said in accented Japanese.
Kai turned and looked at her. He hadn’t seen her standing there. She couldn’t have been more than 25 and she was tall, blonde woman with impossibly clear blue eyes. “I’m sorry?” he asked.
“D’Marcus, all he does is sleep all day,” she smiled.
“Oh…sounds like him,” Kai laughed. “You know him?”
“Yeah, we are both Americans so…” she shrugged. “That’s how we started talking…”
“Are you here to see him too?”
“No, no, I live right next door,” she pointed to her apartment. “I just came back from a restaurant and I saw you pounding away.”
“I see,” Kai bowed politely.
“Your name is Kai, right?” she asked.
He looked up at her shocked. “Excuse me?”
“That isn’t your name?”
“It is. It is,” he replied quickly. “How did you know?”
“He mentioned you and you fit his description…that’s all,” she smiled. Even though she was quite young, she had a strong maternal quality to her. She ran her hands through her pale blonde hair. She was rather made up, somewhat like a cheap hooker with dark blue eye shadow and lipstick. She wore heels even though she was taller than most Japanese men and she had on a sparkly mini-skirt. “No, I’m not a hostess or a prostitute,” she said she watched him examine her outfit in surprise. “I’m a hair dresser…back home,” she added quickly at the end.
“Why are you in Tokyo?”
“Love,” she answered outright.
“Love?” his eyes widened.
“Yeah,” she nodded. “Fell in love and it brought me here. Long story,” she shook her head.
“Oh…” Kai looked away. “It sounds…like…something bad happened to you…”
“Well…” she looked around at the white hallway walls. “Between you and me little brother, some of us are more willing to go all the way than others. Give it all, you know what I mean?”
“He wasn’t…”
“She…” She glanced at him and seeing the surprise she knew would appear on his face, she laughed warmly. “Yeah, big lesbian here.”
“I’m sure you disappoint a lot of men,” Kai smiled. “I don’t mean that in an insulting way or anything,” he added quickly. “You’re just really attractive…that’s all.”
“Well thank you,” she bowed dramatically as if she were on stage. “But hey…that reminds me…Don’t drag him along okay? Must be something common with you Japanese people but…uh…if you are going to do something, mean it? Get me, kiddo?”
“Um…yeah…” he looked down.
Looking at D’s front door, the woman started to pound on it loudly like a cop ready to make a drug bust. “That’s how you should knock,” she whispered and with a wink, headed to her apartment.
“Just a second,” he could hear D groaning as he roused himself from sleep.
Soon the door opened and D seeing Kai standing there stared at him in shock. “Um,” he said, suppressing the urge to shut it merely out of his fear of confrontation. “Kai…Hi.”
“Hey,” Kai smiled. Seeing D’s expression become soft at seeing him smiling, Kai added quickly “Can I come in?”
Stepping aside, he let him in. “Tea?” was all he could say.
“Sure,” Kai smiled once more. “I’d love some.”
D quickly went to the kitchen to get the tea and the cups. Coming back, he stared at him tensely. “I had no idea you were coming over…”
“I didn’t call or anything…” Kai stood there awkwardly. “May I sit down?” he gestured to the couch.
“OH! Yes, please…” D bit his lip nervously. “Um…”
“I came by…I…forgot to give this back to you,” he presented the sweater to him.
“Thank you…” he muttered under his breath as he took it from him. He watched Kai as he sat down. “How are you?”
“Good,” he smiled his dimpled smile. “You?”
“I’m…okay…” he stared at him as if he had seen a ghost.
“I caught you by surprise huh?”
“A bit…”
“I can leave if I make you uncomfortable…”
“No!” D said rather quickly and then realizing that he had replied too soon and with too much enthusiasm, looked away embarrassed. “No….uh… I’m okay,” he lied. “Shit, I’ll get the tea,” he suddenly said as the thought occurred to him.
Kai for some reason found it a bit amusing, the way he was reacting. He suppressed a smile as he waited for him to return.
“Here,” D said as he placed the cups on the table in front of the couch and poured him some tea. “Its green tea by the way…It’s the only kind I have,” he let out a soft laugh.
“Thank you,” Kai looked up and smiled widely at him.
“Kai…” D said to himself and sat down next to hm.
“Hm?” he turned and looked at him.
“It’s just…you’re always smiling. That’s all.”
Kai smiled once more. “I know.”
“I like that about you,” he took a deep sigh and then realizing that he had said something revealing, looked away from him.
“Been a couple of weeks…” Kai remarked as he took a sip of his tea.
“Yeah…” D played with his fingers anxiously.
“I’m usually the nervous one,” Kai giggled.
“Nervous?!” D looked at him surprised.
With a soft, sweet voice, he remarked “You’re nervous.”
“Maybe.” He stared him straight in the eyes.
“You are.” Kai didn’t look away.
“I am.”
“Don’t be.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what I’m supposed to say,” Kai giggled.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too…”
They both sat there quietly.
Yeah, Kai usually was the nervous one but when he was with D, he felt really calm. Being with him was like finding in the busy hectic city that one secret park secluded by trees, void of any sound and of other people. Even when he was anxious like this, he always had the calming lake like feel about him. Perhaps, the serenity was the result of his sensitivity or his delicate gentleness.
“I’m still with Haru…” Kai said breaking the silence. He stared down at the green hot liquid resting calmly in the tiny tea cup.
“How is it with you two…”
“Okay…”
D turned and looked at the side of his face. He seemed to be carrying some kind of stress or some sort of pain or frustration. “Are you happy?” he reached over and pushed the hair out of his face gently.
“Honestly?” Kai smiled bitterly. The hot cup felt good against the skin of his sore hands. He’s been working too hard. He knew it. Hours at the restaurant, hours are home practicing, working with the band, doing shows. But this was his dream right? He needed to work toward it. It was who he was. But his hands were sore and cut and blistered.
“Honestly.”
“I feel…empty for some reason. For the first time in my life, I feel empty,” he looked up.
“Drumming doesn’t help? Being up there…on the stage,” D spoke in slow, hollow voice.
“It used to but now…I don’t know…I feel like it isn’t about drumming anymore. I don’t know what it is but it just got so complicated suddenly. I don’t feel the flow anymore. It’s more like I’m just hitting it in time, you know what I mean?”
“Mhm…I do.”
“I don’t know…maybe it’s just a phase,” he took a drink of the tea.
D didn’t have the answers. Maybe if he knew about the situation with Gazette and Lie:Death he could give him some advice but he didn’t. All he could do was comfort and listen to him. “Don’t do anything that doesn’t make you happy.” He reached over and taking the cup from his hands, set it on the table and in their place, he put his own hand.
“I wish it was simple like that but I feel like I can’t make a move, you know? Like I know that if I leave all of this, I’ll be worse and then…I know that I will come around and feel my connection to the music again. It’s just…” he sighed.
“It’s okay,” D squeezed his hand. “It’s okay,” he repeated. “Take things slowly. Maybe it isn’t something big like that, like drumming or not drumming.”
“Maybe…” he looked down at D’s large masculine hand, the wide space between his knuckles and the prominent veins.
“When I’m stressed out I try to remove-and I know that’s not the right word,” he laughed in spite of himself. “I try to make things simpler, you know?”
“Mhm,” Kai looked up and smiled at him.
“Get rid of the unnecessary things, the things that clutter your life,” he smiled back at him. “Even if I am one of them,” he added.
“Actually, I should probably spend more time with you,” Kai laughed. “You make me feel calm.”
“Good,” he smiled a small smile as he stared at Kai’s big black eyes.
“Hm…make my life simpler…” he said to himself. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to confront this, to confront himself on what wasn’t necessary. In a way, ridding oneself of these things was like coming to terms with your delusions. He took a deep sigh and looking back at D said “Thank you.”
D nodded absently. “I’m happy you came by…”
“Can I ask you something D,” Kai laughed.
“Hm?”
“Why do you like me so much?”
“Like you?”
“I’m not an idiot…neither are you…”
“Oh,” D let go of his hand. He had to fight the urge to get up and change the conversation. “Um…I just do.”
“Really?”
“Why not?” He laughed uncomfortably. “Look…I’m bad at explaining these things. Don’t make me.”
Kai laughed softly. “Okay,” he placed a hand on D’s knee. “Okay,” he repeated.
Why did he like him so much? Was it his energy, his liveliness? He liked the way he talked, the things he said, his earnestness. Other people didn’t feel as real as Kai, they didn’t have his conviction, his power or his intensity. He was the sort of person that made things feel possible. And his heart was open and he spoke freely from it. Even if at times, he was a bit aggressive it was the result of his ceaseless lust for life. But perhaps, what he liked the most about him was that he was always smiling and laughing. It was comforting and it made D feel like in the end, things whatever they were, were going to be alright in the end. He knew that he smiled like that not just for himself but for others. That was the sort of person that he was. Kai was truly altruistic and his joy was generous.
“Kai?”
“Hm?” he smiled at him.
“Can I kiss you?”
He stared at him, his mouth slightly open from what could have been shock or temptation, D couldn’t tell nor did he try to figure it out. Whatever happened regardless of how they felt, rested on what Kai was going to say.
“Sure.” He nearly whispered.
D moving slowly toward him, lifted up his hand and gently cupping the back of Kai’s head, inched closer. His eyes remained open, looking into his. Kai waited for him to press his lips against his own and when he felt their large softness, he pursed his lips and kissed back. With more intensity, D kissed him once more. This time closing his eyes and gingerly pressing his tongue against his lip.
Kai giggled. “You’re always so good at this,” he said with his mouth next to his.
D merely kissed him in response.
“So soft,” Kai whispered. “And gentle…slow…”
“You like that?” D smiled.
“I’d like any way you kissed me…” Kai replied and realizing suddenly how that sounded, how revealing, how strangely romantic, he pulled away with another laugh. “Sorry,” he smiled embarrassedly. “I uh…just remembered…I have to go to practice.” It was meant to be a ruse of sorts but as the words came out, he realized that they were true. “I’ll…come by…again…I promise…” He quickly got to his feet. “Thank you,” he bowed.
“Uh…” D stood up as well. “Are you sure?”
“I’m not lying to you,” he smiled. “You know how the band can be,” he giggled nervously and rubbed the back of his head. “I’ll come back. Okay?” he smiled.
“Okay,” he nodded, feeling a sense of disappointment come over him.
“Bye!” Kai waved cutely and turning around quickly, departed leaving D standing there stunned with his heart pounding madly in his chest.
***
“So, I bet you are wondering how a playwright of all things can have all this money?” Katsura laughed. He had in his hand a clear, crystal glass of red wine and he stood leaning against the chic white wall of his downtown Tokyo apartment. The light from the full length windows poured in and fell upon all the beautiful objects in the room of which there were so many, that Ruki could not stop observing everything: silver sculptures some of which he could recognize were made by Isao’s hands, imported wooden furniture, embroidered gold curtains, plush red couches.
One thing kept stealing his attention however, a large painting hanging prominently above the fireplace. It was about 4 feet tall and 2 feet wide, made of oil and framed in an ornate gold, filigree style frame. But it wasn’t necessarily the size that attracted his attention, the painting’s morbidity was excessively alluring. The young man felt as he stared longer and longer at it that it was beginning to draw him in, suck him down somewhere into someplace dark and decadent. A naked brunette woman stood front and center in the painting. Down her chest, several leeches slithered, leaving behind them a trail of blood only to reach her vagina where they crawled inside of her. Behind the woman was a two-dimensional backdrop of a Japanese demon. But despite all this what Ruki really couldn’t stop looking at was the woman’s beautiful face.
“Is she a real person?” he asked.
“Hm?” Katsura turned around and looked at the painting. “Yes, I believe so. That painting was actually commissioned by me. It’s from a young artist much like you actually.” He observed Ruki as the boy stared up at the art work.
“How do you have so much money? Do playwrights make that much?” he asked, dragging his eyes away from the woman and to Katsura.
“A combination of success, investment-in the arts of course, the right parts,” he laughed as he slowly sauntered his way over to the boy. “And coming into money from my sick old papa.” He threw himself down next to Ruki and presented him the glass of wine.
“I don’t drink.”
“Really? Why is that?”
Ruki didn’t bother to reply. He didn’t feel he had to.
“Cupid, beautiful cupid,” Katsura downed the wine and placed it on the mahogany coffee table. He lifted up his hand and snaked it around Ruki’s throat as if he were about to choke him. Dragging his thumb upward, he ran it across the boy’s full bottom lip. Ruki could see the lust in his eyes, flashing like a blackened fire. “So young and already corrupted. Your name…it isn’t your real name is it?” Again, Ruki didn’t reply. “Ever fucked a man before?”
Ruki shook his head no.
“Really?” Katsura smiled devilishly. “You know I’m old enough to be your father, right?”
“How old are you?”
“47,” he pushed his fingers inside of Ruki’s mouth and ran them up and down the boy’s tongue before pushing them as far back as he could causing him to gag.
Ruki though, was never passive. As he choked, he ran his hand up Katsura thigh and toward his crotch where he aggressively gripped the older man’s hardening erection. Katsura removed his fingers from his mouth and standing up, presented his hand to him. “Come with me,” he said. The boy smiling, placed his hand in his.
Dragging him to the bathroom, he turned on the hot water. “What are we doing?”
“You’re going to let me bathe you,” he smirked.
Everything within the bathroom was made of black marble save for the pale white ceiling lights and the glittering rows of mirrors. As the bathtub filled up, the young man started to undress, never removing his eyes off of Katsura. Even though he was doing as he asked, it was more like a granted request. He wasn’t going to lose out to him. No matter what, Ruki wanted-no, needed to be in control. Once he was completely naked, Katsura presented his hand to him once more to help him step into the tub.
As the hot water enveloped his feet, Ruki felt as if the world around him was beginning to slow down. It was like the sensation of being drained of one’s own blood. It had a sensuous feeling that at the same time rubbed across the nerves threatening to excite them and send one into a panic. But as of right now, going slow as they were, Ruki was in the curious place between calm and exhilaration.
One step at a time. One moment at a time. One kiss. One touch. He allowed himself to sink in slowly into the darkness of it.
He laid down into the tub and let the hot water surround his naked skin.
Taking off his own shirt, Katsura revealed his full formed and masculine chest. Seeing him, Ruki realized once more how much older this man was. He felt out of place suddenly but just as the thought crept up into his mind, Ruki pushed it away. Katsura grabbed something from the sink and getting on his knees, looked at the young boy as he sat immersed in the hot water of the bathtub. “Lift up your foot and put it here,” he said placing his hand on the edge of the tub that was immediately in front of him. Ruki lifted up his leg out of the water and did as he asked. Katsura grabbed a bar of soap that was resting on the corner of the tub and dipping it into the water, lathered up the young boy’s leg.
Ruki laughed. “You’re like a servant.”
“I prefer the word attendant,” the older man joked. Once he had covered his entire leg with soap, Katsura with the razor that he had stolen from the sink, started to run it up Ruki’s leg, shaving off all his hair there.
“What are doing?” he giggled.
“Primping you, Cupid.” Ruki watched him as he with interest, shaved his legs, taking care to not cut him. He didn’t stop until he had shaved the boy everywhere, his legs, his underarms, his thighs, his testicles. All the while, Ruki laughed at him and his perverted, twisted earnestness. “That’s good,” he grinned handsomely. He didn’t care what the boy thought about him. Let him think he was serving him, worshiping him, maybe he was but in the end Katsura was prepping him for his own taking. The boy was going to be his. “Now, let’s dry you off.”
“Now Cupid…Come…” he grabbed his hand and led him out of the bathroom and across the sunlit Living Room and into the bedroom where in the middle of the wide room was a massive white bed with silk sheets. Suddenly, Katsura picked the boy up causing him to yelp cutely.
“Hey,” Ruki laughed.
Katsura placed him on the bed and running his hands down his chest, gripped his knees and spread his legs a part. “Stay like that,” he said as he stared down at the boy sprawled out. He started removing the rest of his clothing, his eyes never leaving him. He crawled on top of him and looking down at his young beautiful face started to kiss him deeply, pressing his erection against the boy’s forcefully and running his hand up the back of his thigh, pressed two fingers inside of him.
Ruki let out a small high pitched scream as his hands penetrated him. He felt Katsura everywhere, in his mouth, inside his body and pressed up against his skin. He couldn’t escape his carnality and so he laid there pressed against the bed as the older man quite literally devoured him, touching him everywhere, snaking his tongue down his throat.
He let out a moan of pain as Katsura pushed another finger inside of him as he tried to stretch him. “Cupid,” he moaned against his mouth before sitting up and resting on his knees, hovering over the boy. Ruki felt a temporary release from him as if he had just come above water. The fresh air surrounded his skin as if it were a blessing. Strangely, it reminded him of the moment before Katsura knocked on the door, of the park with the father picking up his son, and the purifying sound of the children’s laughter. He felt confused and in a daze as if he had just been knocked over the head. “Cupid,” Katsura repeated as he grabbed his hair into his fist. “Suck my dick,” he moaned dirtily.
When Ruki didn’t do anything, the older man with the same fingers that were just inside of him, pressed them against his lips and sliding them in, opened his mouth. “Put it in your mouth,” he said softly to him. He didn’t mean to be cruel but he had no intention of being kind either. The young boy considered getting up and leaving but realizing that that was what a child might do, what someone weaker would do and ultimately it would mean that Katsura won, he pushed the idea out of his mind. Getting up on his elbows, he opened his mouth and waited for him to put his erection into it which without fail, he did.
“Put a lot of spit on it,” Katsura moaned as he felt the boy’s soft lips against him. “for your own good…” Impulsively, he pulled away and grabbing Ruki’s legs, held them up high as he directed himself inside of him.
“FUCK!” The boy screamed in pain. He squirmed on the bed. Katsura was going slow but he wouldn’t stop. He kept pushing and pushing. “It hurts…” he whimpered and cringed.
Once he had his entire length in him, Katsura lowered himself and pressing his chest against Ruki’s started to kiss his neck, biting and sucking and fucking him fast and hard. Ruki wanted to cry out and tell him that it hurt and to slow down but didn’t want to give in, so he grit his teeth and took it. Even though it racked his body in pain, he could still feel the pleasure of his penis rubbing against the nerves inside of him. He let out a deep throated moan.
“You’re so soft,” Katsura whispered as he ran his hands across Ruki’s body shamelessly as if he owned him. “And tight…” he groaned. Ruki could hear the sound of his thighs as they slapped against his own body as he humped him roughly. The repeated smacking drove him crazy and made him feel sick and lightheaded. He shut his eyes tightly and tried to ignore the sound. When it wouldn’t go away, he just moaned loudly, trying to cover it up as if it weren’t there.
The silk sheets began to irritate his skin. He wished that they were cotton instead. Such strange thoughts. Such random thoughts. He shook his head as if he were trying to shake out his own consciousness. Katsura’s penis seemed to impale him, cut right through his body and exist inside of him like a parasite. But it felt good, and he felt his own penis throbbing and because he liked it in some ways, wanted it even, he felt even more disgusted. He felt his blood pressure rise and heart beat quicken. He felt as if he were going to have a panic attack.
He just wanted it over.
Katsura pulled out of him and grabbing the boy as if he weighed nothing, flipped him on his stomach and pushing his head down and lifting up his waist into the air, the older man pushed himself inside of him once more. “Uhhh…” he moaned.
Ruki gripped the sheets into his hands and shut his eyes tight. Katsura’s penis went in and out, in and out, in and out. And it felt like an eternity. He grabbed Ruki’s hair and pulling it, lifted his head up off of the bed. He rode him as if he were some kind of animal.
It can’t last forever, Ruki kept telling himself. Katsura started to fuck him faster and faster and just when he was about to cum, he pulled out and pulling Ruki up to his knees, stood up and preceded to jag off right on the boy’s face. Ruki shut his eyes tightly as he felt the hot white liquid run down his cheek and down his lips. He wanted to puke.
“Beautiful,” Katsura whispered. And when Ruki opened his eyes finally and looked up at him, he realized that the man didn’t even think that what he was doing was wrong, was sick and fucked up. He acted as if the boy had enjoyed it, that he had given him pleasure. He smiled down at him as if he were his friend. “Let me finish that erection off for you, beautiful Cupid,” he got down on his knees and started to kiss his neck.
“I don’t want it anymore,’ Ruki replied flatly and pushed him away.
“What?” Katsura was legitimately shocked.
“I’m done,” he said concealing as his emotions. Appear cold, disconnected, unconcerned he told himself. You are above this. He felt himself trembling from sickness and pain. He crawled off the bed and ignoring Katsura’s persistent “wait, Ruki Wait,” over and over, he stumbled to the door way and going to the bathroom grabbed his clothes and started to dress himself.
“Ruki, I don’t understand,” he was standing in the doorway to the bathroom stark naked, a look of confusion on his face.
Don’t say anything. Nothing at all. He never got dressed so fast in his life. Seeing out of the corner of his eye, his own reflection in the mirror, he turned and looked at his flustered face. “Wow, you’re just a child, aren’t you?” he thought to himself as he looked at his rosy round cheeks and his puffy mouth. Seeing traces of Katsura’s semen still on his face, he snatched up a hand towel and turning on the faucet, dampened it and washed it off.
“Ruki, I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong? Was I too rough?”
“Yes,” he finally said. Why are you giving him consolation?
“I’m so sorry. I got carried away. I’m so sorry.” He was legitimately apologetic and upset. Ruki felt himself warming up to him but remembering the way that he was in bed, he knew that he made no precautions to be gentle. But then again, why should he? Maybe Ruki would have liked the violence. It was a possibility that could have occurred to Katsura. Forget it, Ruki, he told himself. Forget it. Don’t think on it. You can’t let grey parts exist in your life. It makes it unbearable to live, unbearable to think about.
Keep going forward.
Go forward.
Leave this place.
Run away.
“I’m sorry,” Katsura placed a soft hand on Ruki’s shoulder as the boy looked down at the wet towel.
“Sure,” he said. “I don’t really care,” he said coldly.
“You’re going home?” he asked softly.
“Yes.”
And just as the reply came out of his mouth, he wanted nothing more than to be home. Home with Fuwa.
[A/N As usual sorry for any typos or awkward sentences!!! There was another scene but as usual LJ was being a bish and told me the post was too long so... >.<]