Forever & Ever 37
Title: Forever & Ever (Miseinen Sequel)
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7.1| Part 7.2| Part 8.1| Part 8.2| Part 9| Part 10| Part 11| Part 12| Part 13| Part 14| Part 15| Part 16| Part 17| Part 18| Part 19| Part 20| Part 21| Part 22| Part 23| Part 24| Part 25| Part 26| Part 27| Part 28| Part 29| Part 30.1| Part 30.2| Part 31| Part 32.1| Part 32.2| Part 33| Part 34| Part 35| Part 37
As Fuwa placed the small blue tea cup in front of Aoi, he congratulated him warmly on Gazette’s advancement to the final round of the tournament. “Ruki told me before he left this morning.”
“Did he?” Aoi looked up and forced a thin smile. It was evident from the moment that he walked into the apartment that he was tense and nervous. He looked around at the tall ceilings, at the paintings on the wall, the furniture as if he didn’t belong there, his eyes open and active. Even as he sat there now after Fuwa’s attempts at casual conversation with his shoulders raised up stiffly, the experienced counselor could sense the uneasiness emanating off of the young man.
“Please make yourself at home, Aoi,” he said in calming voice as he took his seat across from him.
He merely nodded quickly in response as he folded his arms tightly against his body.
“Now, it’s been awhile since we’ve talked. But I think both of us know the importance of you being here,” Fuwa began. “So, I am going to be a bit bold if you don’t mind.”
“It’s okay,” Aoi murmured.
The older man observed him as he stared at the table top refusing to look up at him as if by eye contact, the confrontation would be too much. Cowardly almost, he sat there, avoiding his gaze. “So tell me about your mother.”
“What about her?”
“From what I remember she was a prostitute. Did she continue doing that?”
“Yeah.”
“Has she stopped?”
“Yeah.”
“Listen Aoi,” Fuwa leaned in. “I need you to talk to me. Now, I normally work with children, teenagers. I’m not a therapist nor am I a psychiatrist. I’m not going to talk to you like I did when you were a kid.”
“I know.”
Fuwa leaned back and with a deep breath said in a firm voice. “Tell me about the last time you saw your mother.”
Finally, Aoi looked up and met his eyes. “We borrowed Kai’s friend’s car, the five of us and we drove down to Mie to go see her.” Aoi spoke slowly, speaking almost as if it were a confession. He had been thinking about this meeting ever since Fuwa had approached him in the alley the night before. Sleep had a alluded him; he could barely eat anything, he was worried, nervous, afraid of what he would find when Fuwa spoke to him and more than anything he was fearful that what Fuwa would ask of him would be more than he could do. “She hadn’t been answering my phone calls. I left last winter for Tokyo to join a rock band against her wishes. You see we promised to be together, me and her. I promised that I would protect her but I couldn’t. She wouldn’t change. She had a string of boyfriends that would all use her. She would drink constantly almost to the point where we got kicked out several times from the place we were staying. And I don’t know, I guess,” he leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. “I wanted to find something for me. It’s selfish but I thought that coming here, I could find something to believe in-a dream or something,” he seemed to have wanted to hide that fact as if it were almost embarrassing.
“So, you left for Tokyo.”
“I promised Uruha I’d find him but I never did. I never even tried once.” He felt as if his mind were spinning from the stress of the moment and as he went through the memories, he felt as if he were even more confused than he was when he began.
“You didn’t try because you had made that promise to her?”
“Yes. Exactly and in a way, I had given up a part of myself when I let that go, when I had made that decision that I wouldn’t go find him and I know we’re just kids and no one really would think that what we had meant anything but to me,” he shrugged. “It meant the world. And I know that’s corny but he was the first thing I ever really had, you know?” he laughed as he felt himself growing emotional. His face grew slightly red and his eyelashes dampened. He shook his head and forced a laugh. “Sorry,” he said as he placed his hands against his face and took a big deep breath that filled his body and stayed off the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him.
“Aoi,” Fuwa smiled sweetly at him. “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“I know,” he nodded and smiled back at him, still somewhat embarrassed.
“Did you come back to Tokyo to find him?”
Answering quickly, he replied “I didn’t think I could.”
“But you did.”
“I did.”
“And you are together.”
“We are.”
“So, now your mother isn’t returning your calls and so you go down to Mie to find her and you do?”
“I found her at 11 in the morning inside a bar, drunk beyond all belief.” The bitterness dripped off of his every word and the anger that was pent up inside him hid behind the thin layer of words. Fuwa straightened up as he prepared himself.
“What did you two say to each other?”
“I told her why I had to leave. I told her I wanted to be happy and at first, she accused me of abandoning her which I did, of breaking our promise which I did. But eventually, she told me to go and be happy.”
“So she finally gave you her blessing?”
Aoi looked down reliving the memory of his mother sitting there at the bar counter, dressed up still like a hooker with her make up running down her face as she cried bitterly. “In her own way she did but it wasn’t easy for her.”
“Did she try to make you stay at one point? To go back to her?”
“She did.”
Fuwa understood immediately what was going through Aoi’s mind. He remembered vividly the surprisingly self-righteous boy who was almost like a Robin Hood of sorts in his disdain for the rich; Fuwa remembered him as he without thinking twice, went to the rescue of the sick young Uruha. Aoi didn’t know it but there was something about him that was romantically noble and his inability to forgive himself for his selfish act came from his firm belief in the power of love. He thought that if he loved his mother, he should have stayed with her and should have saved her. But unlike a fairytale, there was no such thing in reality of a damsel in distress. Even with Uruha, he hadn’t saved him from the dragon of his depression or his addiction-Fuwa had recalled in detail the confusing and complicated conversations he had had with him and it was anything but. Uruha had in the end, healed because he had found something that was worth being strong for.
“You are angry with yourself about what happened with her?”
Aoi merely nodded.
“Aoi, now, you may hate what I am about to say but I think you need to hear it. I’m a 57 years old. I’ve met many many people, many troubled people, haunted people, bruised, sick and sad and every single one of them that I have helped or have seen helped only could be so because they themselves had decided inside of themselves to be helped. It’s trite, cheesy and overplayed but it’s true. Living in itself is hard, it’s tiring and it takes strength. But Aoi, you can’t blame yourself anymore for your mother’s life. Do you understand?”
“I understand but that doesn’t make me feel better,” he shook his head and folded his arms again.
“Aoi, isn’t there something in you that is angry toward her, for her lack of desire to change? For the life that she gave you?” Fuwa wasn’t going to hold back now. Aoi had stepped in adamant almost to defend his way of viewing.
“There is but it doesn’t matter. I’ve forgiven her.”
“You have. When did you?”
“When she told me to go and be happy.”
“Why? Why did you forgive her?”
Aoi was a bit taken aback by how aggressive Fuwa was. He remembered though seeing Fuwa, usually a mild mannered and gentle man turn suddenly into someone extremely strong and masculine in a matter of seconds. “Because she loves me.”
“How do you know she loves you?”
“She told me.”
“And you believe her?”
“Of course I fucking believe her!” Aoi shouted at him. He was extremely confused as to why Fuwa was seemingly being so cruel.
“She said, Yuu I love you. She said that?”
“Yes!” He slapped the table top with both hands and sent the tea cup shaking.
All expression seemed to have disappeared from Fuwa’s face as he stared at him with his chin high. Slowly he asked “But was that the words that made you believe that she loved you that in the end let you forgive her?”
His question somehow stunned Aoi and he understood what Fuwa was really asking. Both of them knew before Fuwa had finished his question what the answer was. “No,” he said in a soft almost defeated voice. “She said go.”
“Aoi,” Fuwa said, softening again. “If you have it in you to forgive her which is and I mean this with my whole heart, the strongest act of love on your part. What she did to you-and I have never had the opportunity to become a parent but I’ve cared for many children in my life and I can say that what she did to you, is horrifying and many people would be in the right to not forgive their mother if she did to them what she did to you but, you did. And you need to see that for what it really is. It isn’t something arbitrary, it is something very very profound. You haven’t failed your mother. You need to stop thinking that. And I know leaving her like that is painful and I know it hurts. It must hurt so bad that you can’t possibly stand it or think about it and it nearly pushes you to the brink of insanity and I am not under any circumstances going to talk you out of feeling that way. I wouldn’t want to live in a world where losing someone you love would be dulled out or made to go away. Those things ought to crush us just as much as being happy raises us, okay Aoi?” As he spoke, he couldn’t help but feel that he was in a way, speaking to himself. In a matter of months, he knew that he was going to lose Isao. And the realization that a great pain that was similar to the young man’s was about to consume him soon, filled him strong sense of affinity. “Listen to me, you need to know that that is perfectly in your right to feel broken and once you allow yourself to be and understand that as a human you are going to feel that way, you will be able to properly feel your pain and sadness without any thoughts that you are weak person.”
Aoi was quiet for several moments. After Fuwa had finished, they sat there in silence as the young man stared off blankly at the table. He knew deep down that Fuwa was right. He knew deep down that he couldn’t save her. But even if Fuwa had told him that his love was not only strong but noble, he couldn’t believe yet that he was a good person. Despite his love, he was in truth, weak. “Fuwa,” he said in a voice barely audible so thick was his emotions. “Did Uruha tell you that I hit him?”
“He did.”
“Do you think that I love him too?” He lifted his eyes to him.
“You’re here, aren’t you?”
“Maybe. I mean, I do. I love him. But I don’t understand why I would do the things I do sometimes or say the things I say. Sometimes, I get angry with him and I want to hurt his feelings. That isn’t something someone who loves him would do, right?” Aoi tongued his piercing nervously and his leg shook rapidly underneath the kitchen table.
Fuwa tilted his head as he thought about what Aoi was saying to him. “Love isn’t a simple thing, Aoi and you know that. You can love someone but want them to be miserable. There is no manual on love. It isn’t always this pure element. There’s lust, envy, boredom, anger. In your mother’s case, she loved you I’m sure but that didn’t keep her from hurting you and contrary to what a lot of people think, your mother didn’t love you any less than the woman that drives her kid to soccer games and makes them bento boxes with cartoon characters. You know, personally, I look after Ruki like that. I make sure he has everything and that he’s safe and happy and eats breakfast and even though there is a part of me that hates his parents and there is a part of me that is jealous, I am sure that they love him just as much as I do. But Aoi, love isn’t this thing that comes over you and heals you like the hand of God. It isn’t as idealistic as that at all,” he laughed slightly. “But knowing that, I want you to tell me the situation that these things happen in.”
Aoi continued to tongue his piercing. “Usually, it’s when he is trying to comfort me. He starts trying to touch me and I get irritable. Sometimes, I just…I don’t know feel like shit and his constant presence irritates me.”
“Irritates you?”
“Yeah, he’s…I don’t know…He keeps trying to make me feel better. He said once that I should bury my pain inside of him but to be honest, I don’t want to share any of it with him. I just want to be left alone but he thinks that if he kisses me enough, it will make things better or comfort me but it doesn’t.”
Fuwa nodded and the look on his face alarmed Aoi and he quickly asked “You think I don’t love him, don’t you?”
“I didn’t say that at all. Do you live with him?” Aoi answered suspiciously with an affirmative nod. “It seems to me that Uruha thinks very much like you do.”
“About love?”
“Yes. He wants to protect you but he can’t. Uruha seems to want to erase your pain. He told me when he came by that when you are happy, the way you are makes him happy. To be honest, I sense that he is obsessed with you to some degree. He talks about you with a very passionate awe that is somewhat rare with someone like him.”
Aoi narrowed his eyes trying to figure out what Fuwa was getting at. “I don’t deserve him” he said matter-of-factly almost as if it were merely a statement of how things were.
Fuwa continued as if he didn’t hear him. “I am going to make a suggestion and you might not like it.”
“Go on.”
Fuwa took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure how Aoi was going to react to what he was about to say. “I think you should break up with him and live somewhere else either with another friend or on your own. I’m not saying leave the band or anything but I think you for one, need to find it in yourself to become stronger. And the only way, you are going to do that is by realizing just how important Uruha is to you. I think you are forgetting honestly just what it means to have him. If you are saying cruel things or hurting him, you need to step back and see what life without him as your lover is really like. You may find that you are happier without him or you may not. I think too, that you have yet to become a man in the true sense of the word. Uruha has already made the decision and I think he did years ago when he quit heroin that he was going to be a man for you, and I think if there is to be anything between you, you have to do the same.” Fuwa took another breath and added in an almost offhand manner “and for Uruha, I think it would be healthy for him to not to be so consumed with your existence.”
Without blinking, Aoi said slowly “You’re telling me to break up with Uruha?”
“Yes.”
Aoi was at a loss for words. In disbelief, he threw himself back in the chair and tried to digest what Fuwa just said to him. Break up with Uruha? It seemed almost ridiculous. Yet, in a way, he understood completely what the older man was telling him and even if the thought horrified him to some degree, he couldn’t deny the fact that by breaking up with him and moving out of his house, that he was filled with a curious sense of relief. At the same time, he was disgusted with himself for how attractive the idea was becoming to him and he couldn’t believe that inside of him there a desire to be free from Uruha.
“The decision of course, is ultimately yours,” Fuwa said finally and Aoi could sense that his time there speaking with him was coming to a close.
Aoi stood up and bowing to him thanked him. “Do you really think that is the best thing for me right now?”
“I do,” Fuwa reaffirmed. Aoi was stuck in the past, chained to the loss of his mother and the disappointment he felt within himself. Fuwa hoped that a distancing from the thing that in all reality represented the life that Aoi had went out looking for when he headed for Tokyo, the same happiness and dreamlike joy he felt as a teenager when he was at the retreat was with Uruha; that separating himself from it, would bring Aoi back to this present moment and create within him a desire to move forward. But Fuwa wasn’t going to say this. Aoi needed to find that passion inside of himself. Uruha could only hold him up for so long before Aoi would have to learn to stand and walk on his own. If he really loved him, he’d go running back.
***
“Where the hell is Aoi?” Ruki scanned the inside of Reita’s small living room. Sitting there sinking into the dumpy old couch, Reita sat next to Uruha with his arms folded casually. Ruki had called a “meeting” for Gazette noticeably not inviting Rey and he held in his hand a sheet of paper with a new song he had written scribbled on it. They had a week to prepare a couple new songs to add to their repertoire. They were going to compete against none other than Lie:Death in the tournament final and with less songs, they were scrambling to come up with more.
“He is talking with Fuwa,” Uruha answered honestly. “I think.”
Ruki stared at him somewhat surprised but as soon as he remembered Fuwa’s surprise visit to Cerberus the night before, it started to make some sense and he figured that it probably had something to do with his mother. “Okay,” he nodded. He wasn’t happy with the fact that Aoi was missing but since it was for a good reason, he was going to have to deal with it.
“Where’s Rey?” Uruha asked the next most obvious question.
Ruki answered “I didn’t invite him” as if it weren’t a major point.
“Why didn’t you invite him?”
“Because he isn’t going to be our drummer anymore.” Ruki curled his lips and stared off trying to figure out how he was going to make this meeting work.
“Why didn’t you discuss this with us?”
“I’m discussing it right now.”
“Dude,” Reita cut in. “You aren’t discussing this with us. You are telling us.” Like Uruha, he was a bit irritated with Ruki jumping the gun on the decision without even consulting them.
Ruki however turned and smiled a little mischievous smirk. “Kai before he left, asked me if I had any demo tapes of Gazette’s songs.”
Both Reita’s and Uruha’s eyebrows raised in the air. “Are you serious?” Reita’s jaw dropped slightly in surprise.
“Mhm,” Ruki nodded. “I think his boyfriend talked some sense into him.”
“Do you think his boyfriend has a really big penis?” Uruha asked somewhat out of nowhere.
Reita started laughing hysterically. “MAN! What the hell?”
“He probably does,” Ruki mumbled as if he didn’t really want to talk about it. “Doesn’t matter. I just have a feeling that Kai is going to join us.”
“What are we going to do about Rey then?” Uruha felt a bit bad for the guy. If they just kicked him out, it would be completely unexpected.
“I haven’t quite figured that out yet but I think I can try to lure him someplace else, you know?”
“That isn’t going to be easy without telling him straight up that we want to replace him,” Reita too was a bit uneasy about just kicking someone out of the band.
“What if we just tell him that we don’t think he’s a perfect fit?” Uruha suggested, coming up with the most professional option. “I mean he has only been in the band for a couple of months.”
Ruki pouted his lips and purred as he thought about it. “True. Alright, I’m going to call him.” Almost impulsively he pulled out his cell phone, folding up the paper and shoving it into his pocket and just as he was about to call Rey, he suddenly froze. “I don’t want to call him. One of you call him.” With a quick motion, he shoved his arm out and presented it to them.
“I’m not calling him,” Reita threw his arms up in the air.
“I don’t want to either…”
“Then who is going to call him?” Ruki asked in a mild panic.
At the same time, the other two replied in unison “Aoi.”
“Yeah, Aoi will do it,” Ruki agreed and shoved his mobile phone back into his pocket.
And just as the three of them had a small moment of calm, Kameyo walked into the room unexpectedly. She was supposed to be at work. Without waiting for Reita to ask her why she was home early, she said almost immediately as she had stepped in “I quit.” But she was met with her own shock. Kameyo stopped in her tracks when she saw Ruki standing there. By the look on her face, he knew that Reita had told her about what he had said to him in the car back in Mie. “Ruki,” she said slowly and it was evident that she no longer saw him as a friend but rather for what he was, her competitor.
“Kameyo,” he greeted her in much the same fashion.
“Fuck my fiancé recently?”
Uruha leaned forward in his seat. Even though this drama concerned his friends and he in all honesty cared about them deeply, nothing was going to dampen the experience of good drama and he looked back and forth between them as the cat fight ensued with Kameyo, the rash upfront street fighter on one end and on the other, the darkly passionate imp Ruki. Reita grew rather nervous sitting next to Uruha. He sat up slightly and stared forward instead as he tried to figure out what he should do.
“Unfortunately, I haven’t had the time,” Ruki replied coldly.
“A little birdie tells me that you want to steal him from me, is that so?”
“It’s will not want.”
Uruha grinned in his delight as the tension in the room mounted.
“Confidant aren’t you?”
“Greatly.”
“Is that because you sing in his band or because you have a couple of tiny inches in those pants of yours?”
Ruki narrowed his eyes at her, insulted beyond on belief. He was particularly sensitive to such jabs about his “endowments” or lack of them and coming from a woman, he didn’t know quite how to respond. Calling her ugly, plain or fat wasn’t exactly something he would do and especially since he had one point tried to ask her out, it would only be obvious that he was trying to repay the insult in a low and pathetic fashion. What really mattered in the end was not winning the battle of retorts with Kameyo but who Reita would ultimately choose. Knowing the prize and his personality, Reita wouldn’t appreciate such cruel tactics.
“This is stupid,” he said and turned and looked at the contested man. “Reita, you’ve had enough to time to think about it. I think me and Kameyo both think that you ought to make a decision.”
Reita took a deep breath. He had thought about it. A lot. He looked at Kameyo for a long time before turning and looking at Ruki.
“Maybe each of you should make a speech about why Reita should be with you,” Uruha suggested a bit too excitedly. Ruki and Kameyo both gave him an angry irritated look that said essentially “Shut the fuck up and get the hell out of this.”
Reita suddenly stood up and announced “I’ve made a decision.”
“Well?” Kameyo pressed.
“Kameyo, I’ve been thinking a lot about our relationship and I think that even though we love each other, you only agreed to marry me to make me happy. I think that in all honesty, you need something more in your life. You quit your job today and I think you have to find out who you are and what you truly want. I’m not an important part of your life no matter how much you try to believe I am. Hell, you haven’t even bought a wedding dress or even thought about it.”
As Reita spoke, Ruki was filled with an elation he couldn’t quite contain and he smiled so widely that it was almost cruel to Kameyo who looked between Reita and at several short intervals at Ruki, shocked that this was really happening.
“Ruki,” Reita turned and faced him and seeing the serious look on his face, he knew immediately that he was about to receive the same treatment. “You’re so controlling that it’s almost scary, okay? And I wonder if you even love me or just want to own me. And as much as I love you, I’m not your fucking pet. I’m not the minion that follows the king around. And until I think being with you is healthy and not a bit fucked up and skewed to one side, I’ll take you in a heartbeat but right now, for both of you,” he looked at Kameyo. “In your lives, this is about you and not me and I understand that. I’m not calling you selfish really but I just feel a bit on the outside. So, my decision is that I will take neither of you.”
Everyone in the room was stunned. Uruha stared at Ruki anxiously awaiting a response from him but Kameyo however was the first to speak. “Alright. If that’s how you feel, I’m going to pack my shit and leave.” She headed to her room where she went to stuff what she little she owned into a suitcase.
Ruki instead nodded. Unlike Kameyo, he felt that Reita made it seem like he still had a chance. “Okay,” he said. “Okay.” Reita and Uruha both knew by looking at him, that he wasn’t at all done with his pursuit.
“Akira,” Kameyo came out and started shoving more random things into her small black suitcase. “You know, I think you are right. I’m not ready to be suffocated by a fucking marriage.” She was evidently angry.
“Kameyo, I know you’re mad and that’s why you are acting like that. I still love you,” Reita pleaded.
“We’d be getting married if it wasn’t for this little fucking troll over here,” she pointed at Ruki as if he were an infestation.
“Answer me honestly, did you really want to get married in the first place? Did you?”
“I wanted to make you happy.”
“20 years from now, will you be happy? Kameyo, I know that’s a lie.”
“So, you are trying to say that this is BEST for me?!” She was completely and utterly livid.
“Actually, yeah,” Reita was extremely stressed out and overwhelmed. “Kameyo, you want-no you need your freedom. And besides, I need someone that wants me as much as I want them and that goes for Ruki too. I’m just fed up with all of this, okay? I’m pissed off too. I’m angry that you think it is okay for me to have sex with him or kiss him. In fact, you would prefer that I was out of your hands for a while and fuck that, honestly, I don’t want that. And Ruki, you’re fucking power hungry to such an insane extent. I’m just tired of dealing with you crazy ass people.” Reita had been handling the situation before with his general good nature but now, he was just so exhausted that he was throwing in the white flag and just saying fuck it. “I’m leaving,” he said and without saying another word, he left leaving Kameyo stunned with the suitcase hanging limp in her hand. Ruki watched him wordlessly as the door slammed behind him sending a loud echo throughout the quiet room. Uruha who sat on the couch alone with the two rejected lovers, had to stifle urge to give Reita a round of applause.
***
The car was filled with a very strange array of people: the tall, dark and handome D’Marcus who sat behind the wheel, the nerve stricken Kai who sat next to him, directly behind him was the jolly round Sakai who sat hyper aware of the scantily clad- rather unfortunately for him lesbian Anna who smoked a cigarette chilly and calmly like a vixen out of a Hollywood movie. What was even stranger was the fact that they were parked directly outside of Rey’s house where he lived with a couple of fellow musicians in a small rented out apartment. Sakai cleverly found his address by asking around at Cerberus and coming in contact with the guy who dropped off his drums as a favor.
“Just do what you do best,” D began.
“And what the hell is that?”
“Sugar, if you say cute, I think I’ll gag back here,” Anna teased.
Sakai somewhat air headedly took her for being serious and shouted “I don’t think that will work!”
“I’m joking,” she quickly quieted him.
“You are good with talking honestly and that’s all you have to do,” D finished.
Kai took a deep breath as he tried to pump himself up. “I can do this,” he said to himself.
“Yes, you can. Good luck,” D reached over across the car and squeezed his hand encouragingly. Impulsively, Kai pecked him on the lips before jumping out of the vehicle running on the adrenaline of the moment. The night before, he had listened to the tape over and over again, listening to his friend’s playing on the other end of his headphones. He could hear all the nuances of their personalities through the sound of their instruments: Uruha and his pursuit for perfection that ultimately caved into his desire to express something truly unique if not a bit insane, Aoi’s drama and spontaneity in the crazy wild shredding of his guitar, Reita’s unexpectedly bold and almost masculine bass lines that seemed almost the musical equivalent of a simple guy who choose to look so terribly strange and bizarre on stage with that almost random noseband, and of course, the baby Ruki who was so bizarrely cute and angry and romantic all at the same time. It was true he couldn’t sing very well and his voice cracked but his strength and energy was as courageous as it was naïve. And it was listening to them play on that recording that made Kai feel like he was looking at a photograph of which he wasn’t included and it made him feel extremely empty.
He was going to take this into his own hands. He knew he couldn’t wait on the timidity of his friends. In fact, he wondered how they got this far without a spine between them and as he knocked on Rey’s door, he laughed to himself at their almost childish disorder.
When it swung open and Rey stood there somewhat confused as to why he was there, Kai immediately smiled warmly. “Hi! How are you?” he asked politely.
“Good. Why are you here?” Rey was blunt but not because he was forward but he was in some ways, a bit on the stupid side.
“I need to talk to you. May I come in?”
Rey stepped backwards to allow him to enter. “Please sit there.” He gestured to the dirty couch cluttered with clothes and magazines. It was quite obvious that 3 young men had lived there. The place smelled like rotten food and old laundry. Kai clearing off a space trying his best not to catch anything sat down and took yet another deep breath.
Rey went to go fetch the tea and as soon as the two of them were comfortable, Kai didn’t waste any more time. “I’m here to ask you something really bold, of me…um.” He hadn’t picked the right words yet and he fumbled. Speak from the heart, he told himself remembering what D had told him in the car. “I want to ask you if I could take your place as drummer for Gazette but before you say anything, I want you to know that this was a very difficult decision for me, coming here and even deciding that I wanted to play in Gazette but also, I want you to know that for me, I don’t think I can be happy not playing with my friends. You know how close they are and how close I am with them and to me, I know that my right place, the place I should be is with them. And I know it’s a lot to ask of you but I am asking you this as a man to another man to find it in your heart, to allow me to achieve that happiness.”
Rey was perplexed. He hadn’t expected this at all. Contrary to what Ruki assumed, he wasn’t a complete idiot and he could tell that Ruki and the others even would rather have Kai but he didn’t think that he would ever make the first move and leave Lie:Death of all bands. “You want to leave your band for Gazette?”
“Yes. And I am asking you to leave Gazette.” Kai was extremely anxious. There was no sign as to what Rey was going to say.
“And you are telling me it’s because you want to play with the other 4 because you are friends?”
“Yes.”
Rey leaned back and considered what was happening. Here was the successful and promising Lie:Death’s drummer coming to him personally, requesting his spot in the extremely young and not as talented band Gazette. And he was asking this merely because they were his friends. Kai’s way of speaking too made it seem as if this was a matter of profound importance and he was a bit in awe of him. Certainly, he had a way with words and he was a man of character.
“So this is a favor?”
“I have nothing to offer you.”
“That is true.”
“I can suggest to Yukio for you to be my replacement but I should warn you that he is rather tough on his band mates.”
“Ruki does want you in the band…” Rey considered it. He didn’t really know how long he was going to be able to be in Gazette with the other 4 who were so profoundly close and had no desire to include him, constantly believing that one day this guy would join them. As he sat there thinking about it, he grew extremely annoyed if not a bit angry at them. “Fine. You can have the spot.”
“Seriously?” Kai was shocked at how easy it was. Rey apparently didn’t care for the others all that much.
“Yup. But put that word in for me.”
“Thank you so much!” Kai went to hug him but Rey extended his hands, clearly telling him not to. Kai nodded and was too happy to feel spurned. He thanked him once more and stood up, bowing repeatedly.
“Okay, you are making me feel kinda awkward so please just leave now.” Rey walked over to the door and opened it for him. Kai quickly slipped his shoes back on and left.
As soon as he stepped out, the other 3 could tell by his expression that he was met with success. They started clapping and celebrating in the car.
“So, he said yeah?” D verified when Kai sat next to him in the passenger seat.
“Mhm.”
“I’m so happy for you, babe.” D had used the English word “babe.” He leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “So, now to see your friends?”
“Mhm,” Kai smiled a dimpled smile, feeling a big weight rise off his shoulders and he was so excited and exhilarated to the point of almost shaking.
“Go Gazette!” Sakai cheered from the back seat as D’Marcus revved up the engine.
“Go Gazette!” Kai repeated with a giggle and two playful empowered fists.
[A/N So this chapter is longer than what I normally post!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYY~~~~ Sorry for the wait. Working on two things at once is a lot of work ^^; BTW My beta is exhausted so she hasn't looked at this chapter at all and doesn't even know what's contained in it! So, sorry for typos or weird wording. I reread it before I posted by you know how those things are XDD]
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7.1| Part 7.2| Part 8.1| Part 8.2| Part 9| Part 10| Part 11| Part 12| Part 13| Part 14| Part 15| Part 16| Part 17| Part 18| Part 19| Part 20| Part 21| Part 22| Part 23| Part 24| Part 25| Part 26| Part 27| Part 28| Part 29| Part 30.1| Part 30.2| Part 31| Part 32.1| Part 32.2| Part 33| Part 34| Part 35| Part 37
As Fuwa placed the small blue tea cup in front of Aoi, he congratulated him warmly on Gazette’s advancement to the final round of the tournament. “Ruki told me before he left this morning.”
“Did he?” Aoi looked up and forced a thin smile. It was evident from the moment that he walked into the apartment that he was tense and nervous. He looked around at the tall ceilings, at the paintings on the wall, the furniture as if he didn’t belong there, his eyes open and active. Even as he sat there now after Fuwa’s attempts at casual conversation with his shoulders raised up stiffly, the experienced counselor could sense the uneasiness emanating off of the young man.
“Please make yourself at home, Aoi,” he said in calming voice as he took his seat across from him.
He merely nodded quickly in response as he folded his arms tightly against his body.
“Now, it’s been awhile since we’ve talked. But I think both of us know the importance of you being here,” Fuwa began. “So, I am going to be a bit bold if you don’t mind.”
“It’s okay,” Aoi murmured.
The older man observed him as he stared at the table top refusing to look up at him as if by eye contact, the confrontation would be too much. Cowardly almost, he sat there, avoiding his gaze. “So tell me about your mother.”
“What about her?”
“From what I remember she was a prostitute. Did she continue doing that?”
“Yeah.”
“Has she stopped?”
“Yeah.”
“Listen Aoi,” Fuwa leaned in. “I need you to talk to me. Now, I normally work with children, teenagers. I’m not a therapist nor am I a psychiatrist. I’m not going to talk to you like I did when you were a kid.”
“I know.”
Fuwa leaned back and with a deep breath said in a firm voice. “Tell me about the last time you saw your mother.”
Finally, Aoi looked up and met his eyes. “We borrowed Kai’s friend’s car, the five of us and we drove down to Mie to go see her.” Aoi spoke slowly, speaking almost as if it were a confession. He had been thinking about this meeting ever since Fuwa had approached him in the alley the night before. Sleep had a alluded him; he could barely eat anything, he was worried, nervous, afraid of what he would find when Fuwa spoke to him and more than anything he was fearful that what Fuwa would ask of him would be more than he could do. “She hadn’t been answering my phone calls. I left last winter for Tokyo to join a rock band against her wishes. You see we promised to be together, me and her. I promised that I would protect her but I couldn’t. She wouldn’t change. She had a string of boyfriends that would all use her. She would drink constantly almost to the point where we got kicked out several times from the place we were staying. And I don’t know, I guess,” he leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. “I wanted to find something for me. It’s selfish but I thought that coming here, I could find something to believe in-a dream or something,” he seemed to have wanted to hide that fact as if it were almost embarrassing.
“So, you left for Tokyo.”
“I promised Uruha I’d find him but I never did. I never even tried once.” He felt as if his mind were spinning from the stress of the moment and as he went through the memories, he felt as if he were even more confused than he was when he began.
“You didn’t try because you had made that promise to her?”
“Yes. Exactly and in a way, I had given up a part of myself when I let that go, when I had made that decision that I wouldn’t go find him and I know we’re just kids and no one really would think that what we had meant anything but to me,” he shrugged. “It meant the world. And I know that’s corny but he was the first thing I ever really had, you know?” he laughed as he felt himself growing emotional. His face grew slightly red and his eyelashes dampened. He shook his head and forced a laugh. “Sorry,” he said as he placed his hands against his face and took a big deep breath that filled his body and stayed off the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him.
“Aoi,” Fuwa smiled sweetly at him. “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“I know,” he nodded and smiled back at him, still somewhat embarrassed.
“Did you come back to Tokyo to find him?”
Answering quickly, he replied “I didn’t think I could.”
“But you did.”
“I did.”
“And you are together.”
“We are.”
“So, now your mother isn’t returning your calls and so you go down to Mie to find her and you do?”
“I found her at 11 in the morning inside a bar, drunk beyond all belief.” The bitterness dripped off of his every word and the anger that was pent up inside him hid behind the thin layer of words. Fuwa straightened up as he prepared himself.
“What did you two say to each other?”
“I told her why I had to leave. I told her I wanted to be happy and at first, she accused me of abandoning her which I did, of breaking our promise which I did. But eventually, she told me to go and be happy.”
“So she finally gave you her blessing?”
Aoi looked down reliving the memory of his mother sitting there at the bar counter, dressed up still like a hooker with her make up running down her face as she cried bitterly. “In her own way she did but it wasn’t easy for her.”
“Did she try to make you stay at one point? To go back to her?”
“She did.”
Fuwa understood immediately what was going through Aoi’s mind. He remembered vividly the surprisingly self-righteous boy who was almost like a Robin Hood of sorts in his disdain for the rich; Fuwa remembered him as he without thinking twice, went to the rescue of the sick young Uruha. Aoi didn’t know it but there was something about him that was romantically noble and his inability to forgive himself for his selfish act came from his firm belief in the power of love. He thought that if he loved his mother, he should have stayed with her and should have saved her. But unlike a fairytale, there was no such thing in reality of a damsel in distress. Even with Uruha, he hadn’t saved him from the dragon of his depression or his addiction-Fuwa had recalled in detail the confusing and complicated conversations he had had with him and it was anything but. Uruha had in the end, healed because he had found something that was worth being strong for.
“You are angry with yourself about what happened with her?”
Aoi merely nodded.
“Aoi, now, you may hate what I am about to say but I think you need to hear it. I’m a 57 years old. I’ve met many many people, many troubled people, haunted people, bruised, sick and sad and every single one of them that I have helped or have seen helped only could be so because they themselves had decided inside of themselves to be helped. It’s trite, cheesy and overplayed but it’s true. Living in itself is hard, it’s tiring and it takes strength. But Aoi, you can’t blame yourself anymore for your mother’s life. Do you understand?”
“I understand but that doesn’t make me feel better,” he shook his head and folded his arms again.
“Aoi, isn’t there something in you that is angry toward her, for her lack of desire to change? For the life that she gave you?” Fuwa wasn’t going to hold back now. Aoi had stepped in adamant almost to defend his way of viewing.
“There is but it doesn’t matter. I’ve forgiven her.”
“You have. When did you?”
“When she told me to go and be happy.”
“Why? Why did you forgive her?”
Aoi was a bit taken aback by how aggressive Fuwa was. He remembered though seeing Fuwa, usually a mild mannered and gentle man turn suddenly into someone extremely strong and masculine in a matter of seconds. “Because she loves me.”
“How do you know she loves you?”
“She told me.”
“And you believe her?”
“Of course I fucking believe her!” Aoi shouted at him. He was extremely confused as to why Fuwa was seemingly being so cruel.
“She said, Yuu I love you. She said that?”
“Yes!” He slapped the table top with both hands and sent the tea cup shaking.
All expression seemed to have disappeared from Fuwa’s face as he stared at him with his chin high. Slowly he asked “But was that the words that made you believe that she loved you that in the end let you forgive her?”
His question somehow stunned Aoi and he understood what Fuwa was really asking. Both of them knew before Fuwa had finished his question what the answer was. “No,” he said in a soft almost defeated voice. “She said go.”
“Aoi,” Fuwa said, softening again. “If you have it in you to forgive her which is and I mean this with my whole heart, the strongest act of love on your part. What she did to you-and I have never had the opportunity to become a parent but I’ve cared for many children in my life and I can say that what she did to you, is horrifying and many people would be in the right to not forgive their mother if she did to them what she did to you but, you did. And you need to see that for what it really is. It isn’t something arbitrary, it is something very very profound. You haven’t failed your mother. You need to stop thinking that. And I know leaving her like that is painful and I know it hurts. It must hurt so bad that you can’t possibly stand it or think about it and it nearly pushes you to the brink of insanity and I am not under any circumstances going to talk you out of feeling that way. I wouldn’t want to live in a world where losing someone you love would be dulled out or made to go away. Those things ought to crush us just as much as being happy raises us, okay Aoi?” As he spoke, he couldn’t help but feel that he was in a way, speaking to himself. In a matter of months, he knew that he was going to lose Isao. And the realization that a great pain that was similar to the young man’s was about to consume him soon, filled him strong sense of affinity. “Listen to me, you need to know that that is perfectly in your right to feel broken and once you allow yourself to be and understand that as a human you are going to feel that way, you will be able to properly feel your pain and sadness without any thoughts that you are weak person.”
Aoi was quiet for several moments. After Fuwa had finished, they sat there in silence as the young man stared off blankly at the table. He knew deep down that Fuwa was right. He knew deep down that he couldn’t save her. But even if Fuwa had told him that his love was not only strong but noble, he couldn’t believe yet that he was a good person. Despite his love, he was in truth, weak. “Fuwa,” he said in a voice barely audible so thick was his emotions. “Did Uruha tell you that I hit him?”
“He did.”
“Do you think that I love him too?” He lifted his eyes to him.
“You’re here, aren’t you?”
“Maybe. I mean, I do. I love him. But I don’t understand why I would do the things I do sometimes or say the things I say. Sometimes, I get angry with him and I want to hurt his feelings. That isn’t something someone who loves him would do, right?” Aoi tongued his piercing nervously and his leg shook rapidly underneath the kitchen table.
Fuwa tilted his head as he thought about what Aoi was saying to him. “Love isn’t a simple thing, Aoi and you know that. You can love someone but want them to be miserable. There is no manual on love. It isn’t always this pure element. There’s lust, envy, boredom, anger. In your mother’s case, she loved you I’m sure but that didn’t keep her from hurting you and contrary to what a lot of people think, your mother didn’t love you any less than the woman that drives her kid to soccer games and makes them bento boxes with cartoon characters. You know, personally, I look after Ruki like that. I make sure he has everything and that he’s safe and happy and eats breakfast and even though there is a part of me that hates his parents and there is a part of me that is jealous, I am sure that they love him just as much as I do. But Aoi, love isn’t this thing that comes over you and heals you like the hand of God. It isn’t as idealistic as that at all,” he laughed slightly. “But knowing that, I want you to tell me the situation that these things happen in.”
Aoi continued to tongue his piercing. “Usually, it’s when he is trying to comfort me. He starts trying to touch me and I get irritable. Sometimes, I just…I don’t know feel like shit and his constant presence irritates me.”
“Irritates you?”
“Yeah, he’s…I don’t know…He keeps trying to make me feel better. He said once that I should bury my pain inside of him but to be honest, I don’t want to share any of it with him. I just want to be left alone but he thinks that if he kisses me enough, it will make things better or comfort me but it doesn’t.”
Fuwa nodded and the look on his face alarmed Aoi and he quickly asked “You think I don’t love him, don’t you?”
“I didn’t say that at all. Do you live with him?” Aoi answered suspiciously with an affirmative nod. “It seems to me that Uruha thinks very much like you do.”
“About love?”
“Yes. He wants to protect you but he can’t. Uruha seems to want to erase your pain. He told me when he came by that when you are happy, the way you are makes him happy. To be honest, I sense that he is obsessed with you to some degree. He talks about you with a very passionate awe that is somewhat rare with someone like him.”
Aoi narrowed his eyes trying to figure out what Fuwa was getting at. “I don’t deserve him” he said matter-of-factly almost as if it were merely a statement of how things were.
Fuwa continued as if he didn’t hear him. “I am going to make a suggestion and you might not like it.”
“Go on.”
Fuwa took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure how Aoi was going to react to what he was about to say. “I think you should break up with him and live somewhere else either with another friend or on your own. I’m not saying leave the band or anything but I think you for one, need to find it in yourself to become stronger. And the only way, you are going to do that is by realizing just how important Uruha is to you. I think you are forgetting honestly just what it means to have him. If you are saying cruel things or hurting him, you need to step back and see what life without him as your lover is really like. You may find that you are happier without him or you may not. I think too, that you have yet to become a man in the true sense of the word. Uruha has already made the decision and I think he did years ago when he quit heroin that he was going to be a man for you, and I think if there is to be anything between you, you have to do the same.” Fuwa took another breath and added in an almost offhand manner “and for Uruha, I think it would be healthy for him to not to be so consumed with your existence.”
Without blinking, Aoi said slowly “You’re telling me to break up with Uruha?”
“Yes.”
Aoi was at a loss for words. In disbelief, he threw himself back in the chair and tried to digest what Fuwa just said to him. Break up with Uruha? It seemed almost ridiculous. Yet, in a way, he understood completely what the older man was telling him and even if the thought horrified him to some degree, he couldn’t deny the fact that by breaking up with him and moving out of his house, that he was filled with a curious sense of relief. At the same time, he was disgusted with himself for how attractive the idea was becoming to him and he couldn’t believe that inside of him there a desire to be free from Uruha.
“The decision of course, is ultimately yours,” Fuwa said finally and Aoi could sense that his time there speaking with him was coming to a close.
Aoi stood up and bowing to him thanked him. “Do you really think that is the best thing for me right now?”
“I do,” Fuwa reaffirmed. Aoi was stuck in the past, chained to the loss of his mother and the disappointment he felt within himself. Fuwa hoped that a distancing from the thing that in all reality represented the life that Aoi had went out looking for when he headed for Tokyo, the same happiness and dreamlike joy he felt as a teenager when he was at the retreat was with Uruha; that separating himself from it, would bring Aoi back to this present moment and create within him a desire to move forward. But Fuwa wasn’t going to say this. Aoi needed to find that passion inside of himself. Uruha could only hold him up for so long before Aoi would have to learn to stand and walk on his own. If he really loved him, he’d go running back.
***
“Where the hell is Aoi?” Ruki scanned the inside of Reita’s small living room. Sitting there sinking into the dumpy old couch, Reita sat next to Uruha with his arms folded casually. Ruki had called a “meeting” for Gazette noticeably not inviting Rey and he held in his hand a sheet of paper with a new song he had written scribbled on it. They had a week to prepare a couple new songs to add to their repertoire. They were going to compete against none other than Lie:Death in the tournament final and with less songs, they were scrambling to come up with more.
“He is talking with Fuwa,” Uruha answered honestly. “I think.”
Ruki stared at him somewhat surprised but as soon as he remembered Fuwa’s surprise visit to Cerberus the night before, it started to make some sense and he figured that it probably had something to do with his mother. “Okay,” he nodded. He wasn’t happy with the fact that Aoi was missing but since it was for a good reason, he was going to have to deal with it.
“Where’s Rey?” Uruha asked the next most obvious question.
Ruki answered “I didn’t invite him” as if it weren’t a major point.
“Why didn’t you invite him?”
“Because he isn’t going to be our drummer anymore.” Ruki curled his lips and stared off trying to figure out how he was going to make this meeting work.
“Why didn’t you discuss this with us?”
“I’m discussing it right now.”
“Dude,” Reita cut in. “You aren’t discussing this with us. You are telling us.” Like Uruha, he was a bit irritated with Ruki jumping the gun on the decision without even consulting them.
Ruki however turned and smiled a little mischievous smirk. “Kai before he left, asked me if I had any demo tapes of Gazette’s songs.”
Both Reita’s and Uruha’s eyebrows raised in the air. “Are you serious?” Reita’s jaw dropped slightly in surprise.
“Mhm,” Ruki nodded. “I think his boyfriend talked some sense into him.”
“Do you think his boyfriend has a really big penis?” Uruha asked somewhat out of nowhere.
Reita started laughing hysterically. “MAN! What the hell?”
“He probably does,” Ruki mumbled as if he didn’t really want to talk about it. “Doesn’t matter. I just have a feeling that Kai is going to join us.”
“What are we going to do about Rey then?” Uruha felt a bit bad for the guy. If they just kicked him out, it would be completely unexpected.
“I haven’t quite figured that out yet but I think I can try to lure him someplace else, you know?”
“That isn’t going to be easy without telling him straight up that we want to replace him,” Reita too was a bit uneasy about just kicking someone out of the band.
“What if we just tell him that we don’t think he’s a perfect fit?” Uruha suggested, coming up with the most professional option. “I mean he has only been in the band for a couple of months.”
Ruki pouted his lips and purred as he thought about it. “True. Alright, I’m going to call him.” Almost impulsively he pulled out his cell phone, folding up the paper and shoving it into his pocket and just as he was about to call Rey, he suddenly froze. “I don’t want to call him. One of you call him.” With a quick motion, he shoved his arm out and presented it to them.
“I’m not calling him,” Reita threw his arms up in the air.
“I don’t want to either…”
“Then who is going to call him?” Ruki asked in a mild panic.
At the same time, the other two replied in unison “Aoi.”
“Yeah, Aoi will do it,” Ruki agreed and shoved his mobile phone back into his pocket.
And just as the three of them had a small moment of calm, Kameyo walked into the room unexpectedly. She was supposed to be at work. Without waiting for Reita to ask her why she was home early, she said almost immediately as she had stepped in “I quit.” But she was met with her own shock. Kameyo stopped in her tracks when she saw Ruki standing there. By the look on her face, he knew that Reita had told her about what he had said to him in the car back in Mie. “Ruki,” she said slowly and it was evident that she no longer saw him as a friend but rather for what he was, her competitor.
“Kameyo,” he greeted her in much the same fashion.
“Fuck my fiancé recently?”
Uruha leaned forward in his seat. Even though this drama concerned his friends and he in all honesty cared about them deeply, nothing was going to dampen the experience of good drama and he looked back and forth between them as the cat fight ensued with Kameyo, the rash upfront street fighter on one end and on the other, the darkly passionate imp Ruki. Reita grew rather nervous sitting next to Uruha. He sat up slightly and stared forward instead as he tried to figure out what he should do.
“Unfortunately, I haven’t had the time,” Ruki replied coldly.
“A little birdie tells me that you want to steal him from me, is that so?”
“It’s will not want.”
Uruha grinned in his delight as the tension in the room mounted.
“Confidant aren’t you?”
“Greatly.”
“Is that because you sing in his band or because you have a couple of tiny inches in those pants of yours?”
Ruki narrowed his eyes at her, insulted beyond on belief. He was particularly sensitive to such jabs about his “endowments” or lack of them and coming from a woman, he didn’t know quite how to respond. Calling her ugly, plain or fat wasn’t exactly something he would do and especially since he had one point tried to ask her out, it would only be obvious that he was trying to repay the insult in a low and pathetic fashion. What really mattered in the end was not winning the battle of retorts with Kameyo but who Reita would ultimately choose. Knowing the prize and his personality, Reita wouldn’t appreciate such cruel tactics.
“This is stupid,” he said and turned and looked at the contested man. “Reita, you’ve had enough to time to think about it. I think me and Kameyo both think that you ought to make a decision.”
Reita took a deep breath. He had thought about it. A lot. He looked at Kameyo for a long time before turning and looking at Ruki.
“Maybe each of you should make a speech about why Reita should be with you,” Uruha suggested a bit too excitedly. Ruki and Kameyo both gave him an angry irritated look that said essentially “Shut the fuck up and get the hell out of this.”
Reita suddenly stood up and announced “I’ve made a decision.”
“Well?” Kameyo pressed.
“Kameyo, I’ve been thinking a lot about our relationship and I think that even though we love each other, you only agreed to marry me to make me happy. I think that in all honesty, you need something more in your life. You quit your job today and I think you have to find out who you are and what you truly want. I’m not an important part of your life no matter how much you try to believe I am. Hell, you haven’t even bought a wedding dress or even thought about it.”
As Reita spoke, Ruki was filled with an elation he couldn’t quite contain and he smiled so widely that it was almost cruel to Kameyo who looked between Reita and at several short intervals at Ruki, shocked that this was really happening.
“Ruki,” Reita turned and faced him and seeing the serious look on his face, he knew immediately that he was about to receive the same treatment. “You’re so controlling that it’s almost scary, okay? And I wonder if you even love me or just want to own me. And as much as I love you, I’m not your fucking pet. I’m not the minion that follows the king around. And until I think being with you is healthy and not a bit fucked up and skewed to one side, I’ll take you in a heartbeat but right now, for both of you,” he looked at Kameyo. “In your lives, this is about you and not me and I understand that. I’m not calling you selfish really but I just feel a bit on the outside. So, my decision is that I will take neither of you.”
Everyone in the room was stunned. Uruha stared at Ruki anxiously awaiting a response from him but Kameyo however was the first to speak. “Alright. If that’s how you feel, I’m going to pack my shit and leave.” She headed to her room where she went to stuff what she little she owned into a suitcase.
Ruki instead nodded. Unlike Kameyo, he felt that Reita made it seem like he still had a chance. “Okay,” he said. “Okay.” Reita and Uruha both knew by looking at him, that he wasn’t at all done with his pursuit.
“Akira,” Kameyo came out and started shoving more random things into her small black suitcase. “You know, I think you are right. I’m not ready to be suffocated by a fucking marriage.” She was evidently angry.
“Kameyo, I know you’re mad and that’s why you are acting like that. I still love you,” Reita pleaded.
“We’d be getting married if it wasn’t for this little fucking troll over here,” she pointed at Ruki as if he were an infestation.
“Answer me honestly, did you really want to get married in the first place? Did you?”
“I wanted to make you happy.”
“20 years from now, will you be happy? Kameyo, I know that’s a lie.”
“So, you are trying to say that this is BEST for me?!” She was completely and utterly livid.
“Actually, yeah,” Reita was extremely stressed out and overwhelmed. “Kameyo, you want-no you need your freedom. And besides, I need someone that wants me as much as I want them and that goes for Ruki too. I’m just fed up with all of this, okay? I’m pissed off too. I’m angry that you think it is okay for me to have sex with him or kiss him. In fact, you would prefer that I was out of your hands for a while and fuck that, honestly, I don’t want that. And Ruki, you’re fucking power hungry to such an insane extent. I’m just tired of dealing with you crazy ass people.” Reita had been handling the situation before with his general good nature but now, he was just so exhausted that he was throwing in the white flag and just saying fuck it. “I’m leaving,” he said and without saying another word, he left leaving Kameyo stunned with the suitcase hanging limp in her hand. Ruki watched him wordlessly as the door slammed behind him sending a loud echo throughout the quiet room. Uruha who sat on the couch alone with the two rejected lovers, had to stifle urge to give Reita a round of applause.
***
The car was filled with a very strange array of people: the tall, dark and handome D’Marcus who sat behind the wheel, the nerve stricken Kai who sat next to him, directly behind him was the jolly round Sakai who sat hyper aware of the scantily clad- rather unfortunately for him lesbian Anna who smoked a cigarette chilly and calmly like a vixen out of a Hollywood movie. What was even stranger was the fact that they were parked directly outside of Rey’s house where he lived with a couple of fellow musicians in a small rented out apartment. Sakai cleverly found his address by asking around at Cerberus and coming in contact with the guy who dropped off his drums as a favor.
“Just do what you do best,” D began.
“And what the hell is that?”
“Sugar, if you say cute, I think I’ll gag back here,” Anna teased.
Sakai somewhat air headedly took her for being serious and shouted “I don’t think that will work!”
“I’m joking,” she quickly quieted him.
“You are good with talking honestly and that’s all you have to do,” D finished.
Kai took a deep breath as he tried to pump himself up. “I can do this,” he said to himself.
“Yes, you can. Good luck,” D reached over across the car and squeezed his hand encouragingly. Impulsively, Kai pecked him on the lips before jumping out of the vehicle running on the adrenaline of the moment. The night before, he had listened to the tape over and over again, listening to his friend’s playing on the other end of his headphones. He could hear all the nuances of their personalities through the sound of their instruments: Uruha and his pursuit for perfection that ultimately caved into his desire to express something truly unique if not a bit insane, Aoi’s drama and spontaneity in the crazy wild shredding of his guitar, Reita’s unexpectedly bold and almost masculine bass lines that seemed almost the musical equivalent of a simple guy who choose to look so terribly strange and bizarre on stage with that almost random noseband, and of course, the baby Ruki who was so bizarrely cute and angry and romantic all at the same time. It was true he couldn’t sing very well and his voice cracked but his strength and energy was as courageous as it was naïve. And it was listening to them play on that recording that made Kai feel like he was looking at a photograph of which he wasn’t included and it made him feel extremely empty.
He was going to take this into his own hands. He knew he couldn’t wait on the timidity of his friends. In fact, he wondered how they got this far without a spine between them and as he knocked on Rey’s door, he laughed to himself at their almost childish disorder.
When it swung open and Rey stood there somewhat confused as to why he was there, Kai immediately smiled warmly. “Hi! How are you?” he asked politely.
“Good. Why are you here?” Rey was blunt but not because he was forward but he was in some ways, a bit on the stupid side.
“I need to talk to you. May I come in?”
Rey stepped backwards to allow him to enter. “Please sit there.” He gestured to the dirty couch cluttered with clothes and magazines. It was quite obvious that 3 young men had lived there. The place smelled like rotten food and old laundry. Kai clearing off a space trying his best not to catch anything sat down and took yet another deep breath.
Rey went to go fetch the tea and as soon as the two of them were comfortable, Kai didn’t waste any more time. “I’m here to ask you something really bold, of me…um.” He hadn’t picked the right words yet and he fumbled. Speak from the heart, he told himself remembering what D had told him in the car. “I want to ask you if I could take your place as drummer for Gazette but before you say anything, I want you to know that this was a very difficult decision for me, coming here and even deciding that I wanted to play in Gazette but also, I want you to know that for me, I don’t think I can be happy not playing with my friends. You know how close they are and how close I am with them and to me, I know that my right place, the place I should be is with them. And I know it’s a lot to ask of you but I am asking you this as a man to another man to find it in your heart, to allow me to achieve that happiness.”
Rey was perplexed. He hadn’t expected this at all. Contrary to what Ruki assumed, he wasn’t a complete idiot and he could tell that Ruki and the others even would rather have Kai but he didn’t think that he would ever make the first move and leave Lie:Death of all bands. “You want to leave your band for Gazette?”
“Yes. And I am asking you to leave Gazette.” Kai was extremely anxious. There was no sign as to what Rey was going to say.
“And you are telling me it’s because you want to play with the other 4 because you are friends?”
“Yes.”
Rey leaned back and considered what was happening. Here was the successful and promising Lie:Death’s drummer coming to him personally, requesting his spot in the extremely young and not as talented band Gazette. And he was asking this merely because they were his friends. Kai’s way of speaking too made it seem as if this was a matter of profound importance and he was a bit in awe of him. Certainly, he had a way with words and he was a man of character.
“So this is a favor?”
“I have nothing to offer you.”
“That is true.”
“I can suggest to Yukio for you to be my replacement but I should warn you that he is rather tough on his band mates.”
“Ruki does want you in the band…” Rey considered it. He didn’t really know how long he was going to be able to be in Gazette with the other 4 who were so profoundly close and had no desire to include him, constantly believing that one day this guy would join them. As he sat there thinking about it, he grew extremely annoyed if not a bit angry at them. “Fine. You can have the spot.”
“Seriously?” Kai was shocked at how easy it was. Rey apparently didn’t care for the others all that much.
“Yup. But put that word in for me.”
“Thank you so much!” Kai went to hug him but Rey extended his hands, clearly telling him not to. Kai nodded and was too happy to feel spurned. He thanked him once more and stood up, bowing repeatedly.
“Okay, you are making me feel kinda awkward so please just leave now.” Rey walked over to the door and opened it for him. Kai quickly slipped his shoes back on and left.
As soon as he stepped out, the other 3 could tell by his expression that he was met with success. They started clapping and celebrating in the car.
“So, he said yeah?” D verified when Kai sat next to him in the passenger seat.
“Mhm.”
“I’m so happy for you, babe.” D had used the English word “babe.” He leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “So, now to see your friends?”
“Mhm,” Kai smiled a dimpled smile, feeling a big weight rise off his shoulders and he was so excited and exhilarated to the point of almost shaking.
“Go Gazette!” Sakai cheered from the back seat as D’Marcus revved up the engine.
“Go Gazette!” Kai repeated with a giggle and two playful empowered fists.
[A/N So this chapter is longer than what I normally post!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYY~~~~ Sorry for the wait. Working on two things at once is a lot of work ^^; BTW My beta is exhausted so she hasn't looked at this chapter at all and doesn't even know what's contained in it! So, sorry for typos or weird wording. I reread it before I posted by you know how those things are XDD]